just a thought

[lukeboi]

As transition becomes more and more a reality...not as in something that is impending, but something that I am beginning to consider the realities of, the daily ins and outs of changing sexes in the world, I have been thinking about passing 100

Comments

[trannylucas]

Hey there. Thanks for sharing your ideas on this. I wrote my feelings on the matter here if you're interested.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/trannylucas/54400.html?mode=reply

[lukeboi]

thanks for the link. It's hard sometimes for me to grasp how differently I would percieve my life and myself as a character in my life and prioritize things without having experienced a grand gender transition. My daily life is so consumed with trans shit and identity shit that I can't concieve of what it would be like to have an interaction where I'm just a guy and that's so normal to me that I don't even remember my trans status or even think about what it would be like to reveal that to the other party. It's been your life for 2 years now, it's like old hat (as old hat as being a tranny can get!), so of course you're "moving on" from that preoccupied mindset, must be great to finally just be you. Congrats on 2 years, btw.

[trannylucas]

Thanks!

Yeah, I couldn't have imagined then what it would be like now. It's definitely not old hat, and it still occupies a good chunk of my mind (mostly I think because I'm not done), but it's more an introspective thing rather than something I'm pushed into thinking about a a result of an interaction with another person. Make any sense? It's very early, heh.

Take care,
Lucas

[lukeboi]

yeah...I totally know that how I feel now may and most likely would totally change the less and less I had to think about transition and the more I just moved through life (percieved) as a regular guy.

[femme_fan]

Hey, great post.

For me, I was totally open to people knowing I was trans before I began. I was ridiculously self righteous that I would ALWAYS feel that way.
Looking back on it now, from this new vantage point, I realize that feeling that way wasn't something I embraced because it felt like the best thing for me and for my future, it was more like I accepted it because I felt basically resigned to it.

I don't think in my heart or my head I believed that there was anyway people would ever not know

[lukeboi]

This might be a dumb and obvious question; I know its one that varies enormously person to person, but I think its linked to my surprise about guys' sudden and immediate desires to never disclose:

It seems a lot of guys, even those who were unsure if transitioning was for them (whose experiences are frequently the most relevant to mine) get addicted to passing. What is it that makes you "never want to stop passing"? I mean, I guess it could be glaringly obvious...but what is it about being treated like a guy that is so good that guys who aren't even sure they want to be guys for life can't seem to get enough of it? Maybe I'll never know unless I take that leap.

[femme_fan]

I don't know. I don't think its really an "addiction" and it isn't something that I go to unhealthy lenghts to avoid (disclosure, I mean.) I think that really, anyone who has gotten through something difficult to the point of nearly unbearable would choose to not experience that again, if at all possible.

Having lived the first half of my life completely poor, now having a much better income and enjoying the stability that brings, personally I would never voluntarily return to poverty. It was difficult and I hated it, and while I realize that it may happen in the future that I am poor again, I would not willingly choose that for myself.

Likewise, for me being read as female was always extremely painful and awkward. Now that it doesn't happen, the quality of my life is greatly improved, simply because I no longer have to deal on a daily basis with something I hated. I think that anyone, with anything difficult or challenging that they wished they didn't have to deal with, would feel happy when that thing is suddenly absent from

[driver_8]

hey luke -- i think you brought up an important topic in a gentle enough way to generate discussion instead of squabbling

[lukeboi]

Hmm, I appreciate your devils advocating me...some things to think about. It's weird the stratification of privlege, how it may change based on your variables and which groups are granting/denying you privlege. I think the transition from one kind of privlege/disprivlige to another is fascinating too.

yeah, I have been laughing to myself a little about a few guys on here who are so "post-transition" one year into T and with top surgery down. Makes me wonder what guys who have been on T for 10 + years (who its true, are sorely underrepresented in our "community") think of that!

[driver_8]

i often read the ftm forum and wonder what input/ perspective the longer-transitioned guys could add. i think about a whole generation of ftms who transitioned in san fran in the early 90's.... they've been through the turf wars and the identity discourses we're doing now already. more of those voices would be much appreciated, in my opinion.

[lukeboi]

I totally agree that we need to see these guys. I was at True Spirit a few years ago and this old balding dude with a cane comes in, and we're all (at least I know I am) like, "who is this dude, some transguy's grandfather?", and it turned out he had transitioned in the late 60s. We are so not used to seeing anyone over 40 in our community, and everyone could benefit from the old guard stepping in and telling their stories.

However, even doing this in the early 90s is a decade in the past and shit has changed so much both in queer politics and trans politics since then. I think it's gotten infinitely more complex perhaps, but also a lot easier to transition now...maybe. Anyway, my point is that 10 years or more is a looong time in trans community standards.