Fearing Loss of Relationship is a Misconception

[lulie]

A relationship is not a thing. It's a shorthand for 'the set of interactions you have with a person'. But people often treat it like a thing. They do things 'for the relationship'. One could interpret this as doing some stuff in order to make other stuff better/longer/whatever, but I don't think that's how people think about it. They don't think

Comments

There could be a catch

[anonymous]

But there could be a catch. Suppose you have 10 things in common with a person, and no more than 5 things in common with any other person. This person who has 10 things in common with you has 9 things in common with a third person, but rarely interacts with that person because 10>9. Now suppose you lose interest in 2 of the things, so you only have 8 things in common. You may want to take active steps to regain your interest in those two things (i.e. steps to "preserve the relationship"), because otherwise the person will prefer their 9-shared-interest friend, and hence rarely interact with you, and you will have to make do with your 5-shared-interest friends.

Re: There could be a catch

[ubermammal]

If the second person has got 9 things in common with the third person, why would they "rarely interact with" that person? They might not interact with them quite as much as with 10-things you, but it could still be quite a lot.

If some of those 9 things are actually amongst the 10 things they have in common with you, too, then maybe all three of you should get together to do those things.

Also, maybe the things they have in common with you are higher priority than the things they have in common with them.

How do you know it's not a metaphor?

[francis_wolfe]

You say "I don't think that's how people think about it."

OK, fair enough, but why don't you? How would they behave differently if they did?