The Love That Remains - Chapter 2/22

[lullysg]

The next day is also fun, they have a lot of activities throughout the day at the camp. The campers are divided into groups so a single place isn’t crowded with everyone at once. The criteria used in the division is age, so Jared finds himself doing most things with kids aged from 9-12. He doesn’t mind, not really. His group spends the morning at the pool and he has fun, Jared only wonders what Jack’s group might be doing right now.

At lunch time, all campers meet up at the cafeteria. Jared waits in line behind Chad to get the food and soon he hears a voice behind him.

“What’s up J.T.??”

Jared turns around and finds himself face to face with Jack himself, and the grin that spreads over his face is the most natural thing in the world.

“Hey Jack! How was your morning??”

Jack smiles back at him, his dark eyes sparkling. “It was cool, played some soccer with the guys. I hope we have another activity tonight, I’m excited after yesterday!”

“Y-yeah, yesterday was so much fun, I have never done something like that before!” Jared stutters and looks down, god, why does he have to act so nervous in front of Jack, what’s wrong with him?

“Well, we’re gonna be in a lot more of those so get ready to help us win more games.” Jack winks at him and Jared blushes again “But now you’re holding up the line J.T., and I’m hungry, let’s get moving!”

Jared turns around and he notices there’s a huge gap in the line and he’s responsible for it, he turns beet red and hurries forward to get his food, without looking at anyone. He hears Jack chuckling but he doesn’t think he’s making fun of him, or he hopes not. Please don’t let Jack think he is dumb.

Jared grabs his food, mumbles a ‘see ya around’ to Jack and quickly walks away, towards where his cabin mates are sitting, Chad has a seat saved next to him.

Jared sits down and before he can start eating, Chad nudges him.

“Who was that dude you were talking too? He’s older right?”

Jared keeps staring at his food as he mumbles an answer to his friend. “Yeah, he’s the leader of the team I’m in. His name is Jack and he’s nice. And yes, he’s older, and from what I know he’s come here for lots of summers. He’s pretty popular, I think he was only talking to me because I helped them win the game yesterday.”

“Well that’s cool anyway J.T.”, Chad says with a mouthful of food. Some of it ends up on Jared’s tray and he’s so horrified by it he momentarily forgets he made a fool of himself in front of Jack, and shoves Chad away, who’s laughing out loud.



As it turns out, they don’t have a night activity later that day. There’s another thing planned for the campers and they all gather inside the basketball court after dinner where there’s a big screen set up. The counselors announce it’s movie night. Everyone cheers and Jared likes the idea, even though this mean he won’t be spending time with Jack tonight. Which is fine anyway, Jared tells himself. It’s just that Jack is a new friend, as Jack himself stated, and it would be cool to have another night game with his friend, that’s all. But that’s cool too, and Jared could use the quiet night anyway, he feels dead on his feet after a full day of activities.

Karri announces they will be watching Jurassic Park and everyone cheers again, including Jared. He hasn’t seen this one yet.

Jared takes a look around the court, and he quickly locates Jack on the other side of the place, surrounded by friends. They are all settling in and joking around, there’s a girl who presses herself against Jack’s side, he smiles at her and places an arm around her shoulders. Jared feels something tight in his chest while he watches that and he can’t name it.

Before he can think about it, Chad is shoving a bag of popcorn in his hands. Jared looks around and see the counselors handing bags to everyone.

“Dude that’s so cool, I was dying to see this movie!” Chad says with a mouthful of popcorn.

“Dude, gross. And yes, me too.” Jared replies, without much enthusiasm though.

The lights are turned off and the movie starts. Jared can only pay half attention to it, because his gaze keeps returning to the other side of the court, popcorn bag forgotten on his lap.



A few nights later, everybody is back at the court again, and all dressed up because it’s dancing night. Jared assumes it must be one of the highlights of the camp, since the older campers are all excited and dressed in their finest. Jared didn’t bring anything that dressed up to wear, so he settles for his jeans and a dark t-shirt. To be completely honest, he’d rather be outside on a night game like the day before. It was a fun game where the teams had to look for hidden cards, they didn’t win that one but they came in third place, which means they got some points as well. Plus, he got to hang out with Jack again, and that was definitely a plus.

But now everyone is here and the court has turned into a dance floor and Jared feels awkward. Chad is by his side, and even though he’s trying his best not to show it, Jared knows he’s nervous too. So they stick close to each other while everybody dances like there’s no tomorrow. Both boys decide to go grab a snack at the side of the court while they watch the others. Jared spots Jack among his friends, he’s dancing with them and there’s a smile on his face. Jared smiles too.

Half an hour passes and then the music is cut off and a counselor grabs the mic.

“Night, campers! Are you all enjoying yourselves??” Everybody shouts and the guy goes on. “Now it’s the time you’ve all been waiting for, it’s slow dancing time!”

Everybody screams and Jared groans. The counselor tells everyone to gather at the center of the court, so they can organize their dance.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen, to those who aren’t familiar with our dance. All the boys will form a big circle and the girls will form another one inside the boys’ circle. The song will start and girls will dance with the boy in front of you. Everytime we say ‘move’, the girl will move on to the next boy, that way everyone will dance with everyone. Alright people, take your places so we can get started!”

Jared and Chad drag themselves to where the circle is being formed. Jared is terrified, he has never danced with a girl before, this is a recipe for disaster. The first song starts and the girl in front of Jared is taller than him, which makes him feel silly. Jared puts his arms around the girl’s neck as she places her own around his waist. They move stiffly and it’s awkward to say the least. The girls move and Jared spots Jack directly across from him, of course smiling at the girl who’s arriving in front of him. Jared barely acknowledges his new girl as he stares at Jack.

The other boy lifts his gaze and catches Jared’s eyes. Jack gives him a small smile and a wink, before focusing on his girl again. Jared’s heart beats 4 times faster than usual and he pays no attention to the girl he has his arms around. He suddenly wishes he could be in the small circle instead, so he could have a turn with Jack. As soon as this thought hits him, he feels weird, he can’t understand what makes him feel this way, how can he be thinking about dancing with a boy? He’s supposed to dance with girls and that’s it. He doesn’t understand and he starts feeling nauseated, so when the girls are supposed to move he apologizes and excuses himself.

Jared walks over to the snack table and gets himself some water. Matt approaches him and asks what’s wrong. Jared tells him he’s not feeling so good, and if he could sit down for the rest of the dancing. Matt says it’s fine, so he stays put. He doesn’t look at Jack again for the rest of the night, and when the dancing is over and everybody is sent to their cabins, Jared is the first one to get to his.

Jared doesn’t talk much to anyone, not even to Chad, he’s upset and he has no idea why. Actually he knows what’s making him upset: he wanted to dance with Jack. Instead of all those girls passing in front of him, he wanted to dance with Jack, and that’s the part he doesn’t understand.

Before falling asleep, Jared grabs his notebook and flashlight, and hides under the covers.

July 3rd, 1994

I know it’s wrong, because I am supposed to dance only with girls. But I wish I had danced with Jack instead and I don’t even know why. Does that make me a bad boy?



Days pass by, and Jared is among his group, walking towards the lake for some activities there, when they pass by the pool where the older campers are having fun. Jared instantly spots Jack climbing out of the pool. He’s wearing only swimming trunks and there’s water dripping down from his hair and chest and Jared stands there, transfixed, his gaze locked on Jack’s glistening chest. Jack joins his friends by the pool and Jared can’t take his eyes off him. His tummy feels weird, something he can’t put his finger on, it’s definitely new to him. Before he can think about it too much, there’s a smack on his head from Chad.

“Dude! Let’s get going, we’re gonna miss all the fun!”

Just like that, the spell is broken and Jared walks away with Chad, not before looking over his shoulder one last time.



There’s a party Friday night, and everyone is gathered in the basketball court again, dancing like there’s no tomorrow. Jared stays close to his cabin mates who are also trying to dance but they all look ridiculous, specially Chad, who’s trying to get the ladies attention but instead is making a total fool of himself. He watches his friend and laughs for a while, and then excuses himself to go get some food. His gaze sweeps the room and he spots Jack talking to his friends and having fun. It’s a nice sight.

Jared decides to go outside for a while, since it’s too loud and crowded inside the court. He makes his way around it to the back, where there’s no one and it’s much quieter. He sits down and leans against the wall, looking up to the sky. What he sees takes his breath away. He hasn’t paid much attention to the sky here yet, and it’s just beautiful. There are a million of stars and constellations, and that makes Jared feel so small.

He looks at the sky in amazement for God knows how long, until someone sits down next to him. Jared is surprised to find a sweaty and panting Jack looking back at him. He smiles and takes a walkman out of his pocket, then he puts one earbud in his ear and offers the other one to Jared. The younger boy looks from the earbud to Jack, who has an expectant look on his face, and finally accepts the thing and places it in his own ear. Jack presses play and leans back against the wall just like Jared as the music starts.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
Are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” He whispers to Jared, pointing to the sky, as if he doesn’t want to disturb the stars. “I like to come here sometimes to watch, it’s one of the best places to do it. Gives me peace.”

Jai guru deva. om.
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Jack turns his face to watch the sky, and Jared watches him. The sight is almost as beautiful as the sky itself.

Images of broken light
Which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind
Inside a letter box,
They tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe

Both of them watch the stars for a long time, without saying a word, until it’s time for everyone to go back to the cabins.

It’s a great night.



It’s lunchtime, and an announcement is made at the cafeteria by Sam.

“We’re gonna play a little game today. A few of us will walk around this afternoon with baskets with some pieces of paper in them. If you want to say something to a person, you can get a paper and write it down. You may or may not sign your note, it’s up to you. When you arrive for dinner, put your note inside the box that will be placed at the entrance of the cafeteria. After everybody has finished dinner, we’ll read all the notes over the mic. This is your chance to say something that you’re too shy to say in person! If you want a paper, look for the counselors with the baskets and let’s all have fun!”

Everybody talks excitedly after the announcement, specially the girls, but Chad dismisses it saying it’s just dumb. Jared thinks it’s dumb too.

A couple of hours later, it’s Jared’s group’s turn at the pool. Jared is sitting at a bench close to it watching the other campers having fun in the water. He looks to his side and notices Karri approaching, and she’s holding a basket. He tries to stay put, but eventually he ends up walking over to where the girl is giving away pieces of paper to some campers. Making sure his cabin mates aren’t looking, he quickly grabs one to himself.

Jared keeps it inside his pocket for the rest of the afternoon. When they go back to the cabin for a shower before dinner, Jared climbs onto his bunk and takes the paper out. He grabs his pen, chews it thoughtfully and stares at the items in his hands. He uncaps the pen and writes a word on the paper.

“Jack -

Jared stares at it for a moment and shakes his head. What’s he even doing? Jared suddenly realizes it’s a dumb idea, what would he even say? Jack is a good guy and he’s nice to Jared, that’s all. He’s probably nice to everyone. Jared sure doesn’t need to write a note to say it to Jack, he has nothing to say to him at all. He crumples the piece of paper in his sweaty hand and hides it under his pillow. This was a really dumb idea.



After dinner is over, a couple of counselors bring the box to the front of the cafeteria, where there’s a small wood stage. They both take mics and announce it’s time to read the notes. Jared can feel the excitement pouring out of everyone, except himself. He’d rather go back to his cabin, but unfortunately he must stay and listen.

The counselors call Jack’s name a lot of times. Most of the times, he gets notes from secret admirers, telling how he’s so handsome and great and awesome. Some are even signed by older girls. Jared keeps looking at Jack, who’s sitting at a nearby table, a smug smile on his face.

Jack is the most popular guy at the camp, everybody loves him, there is no way he could compete, Jared is glad his note is crumpled under his pillow back at the cabin. Jack would never have paid attention to it anyway.



July 12th, 1994

Jack -



Sam announces during dinner that they will have a bonfire night, they are gonna eat marshmallows and there will be singing, so the campers are invited to sing a song if they want to. Jared knows for sure he won’t be singing anytime soon, but he looks over at Jack and sees a grin on his face. Jared wonders if Jack is planning on singing something and he sends a silent prayer to the skies that he will.

Once everybody is finished with dinner, they are sent to their cabins to grab the flashlights and go to the site where the bonfire is set, with trunks around it so everyone can sit down. The counselors guide Jared and Chad to go sit in the next available spot so everybody can get settled faster. When Jared takes his seat, he realizes his neighbor is none other than Jack. Of course. The older boy looks at Jared and smiles.

“Hey J.T.! Gonna sing something tonight?”

Jared’s brain tries to catch up with the fact that Jack is talking to him and he tries to answer without embarrassing himself. He looks down at his feet, small next to Jack’s.

“Nah, I--I just came to listen.”

Jack is about to answer but Matt’s loud voice interrupts him, telling everyone to grab a roasting stick and some marshmallows because they are starting. The counselors sing first, some of them play guitar for themselves and for others to sing as well. Jared relaxes, listening to the songs and eating one marshmallow after the other, feeling the strong presence of Jack beside him, who’s enjoying himself as well.

Then the campers start to sing, and after a few songs Jack says it’s his turn. He reaches behind him and takes out a guitar that Jared hadn’t noticed before. His heart skips a beat because Jack is. About. To sing.

Jared just stares at him as Jack plays a few notes on his guitar and opens his mouth finally.

One day you'll look to see I've gone,
For tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

Some day you'll know I was the one,
But tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

And now the time has come so my love I must go,
And though I lose a friend in the end you will know, oh

Jared watches Jack and he’s hypnotized. He can’t even blink and his mouth is probably hanging open. Jack’s eyes are closed, he’s into the music, singing with his heart, and Jared has never seen something more beautiful in his life. He just looks at the image of Jack and his guitar in awe, wishing he could take a picture to look at it forever.

One day you'll find that I have gone,
But tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun

And now the time has come so my love I must go,
And though I lose a friend in the end you will know, oh

One day you'll find that I have gone,
For tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun.

Everyone claps when Jack finishes, and Jared comes out of his trance when the other boy looks at him with a smile on his face.

“So??”

Jared realizes with a delay that Jack is asking for his opinion and he coughs before finding his tongue to give a waiting Jack a proper answer.

“That was… just awesome” Jared says with a small smile. “I’ve never heard the song before, I like it.”

Jack stares back at him with his mouth opened. “Dude, it’s The Beatles! You have to know The Beatles! Promise me you will listen to them when you go back home!”

Jared chuckles. “Okay, I promise. Also, that’s a nice guitar you got over there.”

Jack picks up his guitar again and beams at it. “Yeah, she’s my baby. It was my grandfather’s and he passed it on to me. I’m proud of her!”

Jared laughs at Jack’s enthusiasm with his guitar, and together they go back to listen to the others campers’ songs. Jared doesn’t hear much though. He’s too focused on paying attention to Jack’s every movement and occasional word beside him. Only when Chad elbows him and tells it’s time to go, is that Jared snaps back to reality and realizes the singing is over and they are supposed to leave.



Later, the boys at Jared’s cabin are getting ready for bed, and while Matt is in the shower the boys start discussing girls.

“Dude, that Sarah girl from our group is awesome!”, Kevin is saying while Jared changes into his pajamas.

Chad scoffs. “Please, Kate from my team is gorgeous, she’s older and completely hot.”

Everyone agrees and start telling who they think it’s the hottest girl in camp. Jared quietly climbs into his bed and tries to get under the covers unnoticed, but of course Chad is having none of it.

“What about you, J.T? Who do you think it’s the hottest girl here?”

Jared goes instantly pale and loses his voice. He has no idea what he’s supposed to answer, now that he thinks about it, he hasn’t paid attention to any girl at the camp. And now that he thinks about it, he probably should have. There are a lot of girls here, at least one of them should have caught his attention, right? He tries to think about any girl he came across that he might have found pretty, but nothing comes to mind. It hits him suddenly that the only person he has been paying attention to since he stepped foot in the camp is Jack.

It’s not really a surprise for him, but he suddenly realizes he should have been watching the girls. Instead, he only had eyes for Jack so far, and he has no idea why.

Jared comes back to the present and notices all the boys are waiting for his answer. He tries to remember the name of the girl Chad mentioned.

“I… I think Kate looks good?” He stutters and he has a moment of panic thinking that everyone will find out his secret, but when he looks at Chad, the other boy is smiling at him.

“That’s right J.T., I knew you had good taste!”

The conversation ends when Matt walks back into the room and all the boys get in their beds. Jared can’t manage to fall asleep though, he’s too busy wondering why he can’t get Jack out of his mind when he clearly should be focusing on girls like all other boys.

He grabs his notebook, pen, and flashlight and gets under the covers.

July 16th, 1994

Why do I keep thinking about Jack instead of the girls like everyone else? What’s wrong with me?



Jared can't stop worrying about the fact that he can't stop thinking about Jack, and that is driving him insane. He wishes he could talk to someone, find out what’s happening to him, he considers Chad, but he laughs at the idea, Chad would most likely make fun of him. He also thinks about going to Matt, but he also dismisses that idea since he’s afraid Matt could decide he’s a freak and find a way to tell his mom about it. So Jared gives up on the “talking to someone about his feelings” plan. He’ll just have to get over it. It shouldn’t be too hard.

Jared tries to avoid Jack as much as he can. He believes if he stays away from the older boy, all those thoughts will go away. It’s not like they spend all day together anyway, they just meet up during meals, and Jared tries his best not to look when Jack enters the cafeteria with his friends, but he can’t help it if whenever Jack passes by him, he waves and smiles at Jared. And his momma always taught him to be polite, so of course he waves back, he doesn’t want Jack to think he’s rude. They also spend time together when they have some activity with the Milkshake Demons, and Jared tries his best to stay out of the way and just follow around, but of course Jack is always involving him in the game and asking for his opinions and ideas. And when they manage to win, which happens a lot, Jack high-fives Jared and tells him he did a good job.

It’s like the more Jared tries to stay away from Jack, the more he feels drawn to the other boy. Even though Jack is the most popular boy at the camp, he’s not an asshole by any means, quite the opposite actually. He proves over and over to be a very kind guy, he’s always truly nice to Jared, he makes Jared feel that he matters even though he’s pretty much a kid compared to Jack himself.

Jared feels more and more amazed by Jack, and instead of succeeding with his original plan, he finds himself seeking the older boy more often than not. And he tells himself over and over again that it means nothing at all. It really doesn’t.



Jared’s group has part of the afternoon free, so he decides to walk around camp, no big deal, he just wants to see what other people are doing. Jared approaches the field where there’s a soccer game going on with some of the older boys. He’s not close enough to make out who the people are, but before he gets any closer, he hears one of the boys yelling.

“Over here, Jackles!”

Jared is confused for a second, but after a few quick steps towards the field, he realizes one of the boys playing is no other than Jack, and he figures out he must also be the ‘Jackles’ the other guy referred to. Jared wonders if that’s a nickname his friends have for Jack, and he thinks it’s cool.

Jared sits down leaning against a tree, still a bit distant from the field so that nobody notices his presence, and watches the game, watches Jack playing.

Jared doesn’t know much about soccer, but it’s obvious that Jack is a good player. He’s fast and skillful. It’s nice to watch him and Jared quickly finds himself lost in the game. It’s a very hot day, and during a small break, Jared watches Jack taking off the jersey he’s wearing and throwing it on the bleachers, leaving only the yellow training vest on. After that, Jared focuses less and less on the game and more and more on Jack.

The game is over too quickly for Jared’s taste, Jack’s team having won mainly due to Jack’s own skill, he scored twice. Jared can’t help but to feel proud. All the boys leave the field towards the opposite side to where Jared’s sitting. He watches Jack walking away, and even when he can’t see him anymore, Jared stays lost in thought for a long time, replaying the game in his mind, and the way Jack moved around. Jared tells himself he’s just impressed with Jack’s skills, it’s all.

He finally gets up so he can go find something else to do, when he glances at the bleachers. There’s something red lying there and Jared immediately recognizes it as Jack’s jersey. He walks over and grabs it, considering for a second running after Jack to return the jersey, but he figures he must be far away by now, probably showering. So he decides to keep it with him and return it to Jack later.

Jared returns to his cabin and sits down on the lower bunk - which is vacant for now since the cabin is empty - and examines the jersey. There’s nothing in the front, and when he turns it around, he notices there’s the name Jackles and the number 7 printed on the back. It’s a little moist with sweat, and without thinking Jared brings it close to his face, his nostrils capturing Jack’s strong scent, and Jared is momentarily overpowered by it. He has to close his eyes and focus for a second, his whole body reacting to the scent in a way that’s totally new and foreign to him. He feels weird and uncomfortable in his own skin all of a sudden, having no idea why, so he tosses the jersey into his suitcase - he will return it to Jack later - and heads for the bathroom for a shower, since that sounds like a great plan, he needs something to help him cool down.

Later during dinner, Jared catches himself watching Jack’s every move again, despite his best efforts.

He doesn’t think about Jack’s jersey still in his suitcase.

Chapter 3