why do i keep doing this to myself?..

[luminaryangel]

hmm.. i don't know really @ subject line. i honestly don't know why i keep doing this to myself.. why should i bother in here? no one really reads, and .. and people here perhaps don't care if i update or not, or don't even care about my feelings. when i tell them something new happened to me, they say i never tell a thing to them. um, who's the

Comments

[firebread]

Friendship is a huge concept with no simple definition... although I think it has a lot to do with affection, maybe love, and the willingness to make sacrifices for each other. Those are the two big things in any sort of relationship, I guess.

I think that you are a kind person who takes a lot of pain, both your own and that of others, and handles it bravely. You care about people, which hurts and helps you a lot.

*flying hug*

~Beth

[luminaryangel]

I know.. I know it is, and perhaps that's what confusing me a lot and just kind of killing me on the inside. =\ Sometimes I would try to find words for it, but those can be for love.. so it may be just things in both I suppose.

I guess.. I don't know really.. Do I really handle it bravely? Maybe it seems like it to you, or to other people, but inside, I'm really crying and screaming inside.. but I keep doing it for.. I dunno, for people I consider as friends. But I'm just tired of some people too, because they expect way too much of me. I don't really expect much in return, but that doesn't mean I don't expect anything in return. At least some.. I dunno. And I know I do, maybe I care too much. I dunno. How does it help me as well it hurts me? All I see is pain from some people I thought were my friends..

Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much of my friends. Even a little knowledge of what was going on in their life would be good, but maybe it's too much for them. Or they don't trust me as much. Oh well. Heh..

Nice hug. o_o *hugs