[fic: one-shot] Apart // Together
Title: Apart // Together
Type: One-shot
Word count: 1,733
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi, background Ryo/Massu (NEWS)
Summary: After Ryo left, Tegoshi seeks something to hold on to. AU.
Notes: My fics are posted in this community from now on. First post, yay! ♥ This was written as part of
je_telephone, a series of successive remixes. Below are links to the other remixes plus soundtracks for some of them.
Version 1| Soundtrack for Version 1| Version 2| Version 3| Version 4|Version 5 by me| Version 6| Soundtrack for Version 6| Version 7| Version 8
On the day Ryo left their shared apartment, Tegoshi woke up to find an empty space next to him on the bed. He had known this was coming, but it still took him by surprise. He noticed the blanket still covering his shoulders, something that almost never happened because he turned over a lot in his sleep. Ryo must’ve tucked him in before leaving.
Tegoshi shivered a little despite the blanket.
He half expected to meet Ryo in the kitchen for breakfast - the kind of hope that only the hopeless had. There was no one in the kitchen, of course. Tegoshi took a deep, cleansing breath and set out to make breakfast. Not until he was nearly finished did he become aware he was cooking for two. He felt sorry to waste food so he gave some to his dog Skull-kun, who munched the extra treat heartily.
He had the day off from work and his food supplies were running thin, so he went out and drove to a nearby grocery store. He purposely made a list beforehand with the name as well as the number of necessary items. No need to buy two loaves of bread; one would be just enough. No need to get two types of salad dressing because Ryo liked a different brand. Grocery shopping would start to be a lot simpler from now on, Tegoshi thought, realizing with bitterness that he was consoling himself.
It didn’t really work. While queuing at the cash register, a glance at his half-full (half-empty?) shopping cart almost made him turn back to put more groceries into it.
Ryo didn’t have too many stuff, so it wasn’t like the apartment looked too vacant after he left. What was missing was simply his presence, his warmth, his quiet laughter. As the days went by, the silence made Tegoshi’s ears ring, so he turned up the volume on the TV or radio just to have some noise.
When he got bored he grabbed his guitar and practiced some songs. Right next to his pink electric one stood Ryo’s sleek black acoustic guitar - one of the few things he left behind, though Tegoshi wasn’t sure why. He didn’t touch it. It felt like some sort of sacrilege to Ryo’s memory.
Ryo’s memory. Tegoshi let out a sour laugh. He made it sound like Ryo was already dead. Ryo didn’t exactly pack his bags and leave without his permission. Wasn’t it Tegoshi who told him to follow his heart?
“Just go and do what you want,” was what Tegoshi said, to be exact. Well, Ryo certainly didn’t waste any time in doing so.
Tegoshi knew he went to see a man named Masuda, who seemed like an important person in his past. Ryo never divulged anything else, but even if he had wanted to, Tegoshi chose not to know about it. The thought that Ryo had gone to see that man was like an unbearable itch in a part of his body that he couldn’t reach. He refused to dwell on it, although like any itch it always returned in moments he never expected.
The nights were the worst. Sometimes Tegoshi spent half the night tossing and turning with his eyes wide open. Then just as he was about to slip into unconsciousness, he would recall how Ryo liked to wrap an arm around his waist from behind, pressing his chest against Tegoshi’s back.
One memory in particular stood out. It was during a particularly chilly night, several days before Ryo moved out of the apartment. He had already told Tegoshi he had to go away for a while, “to take care of some things”. Although neither said it, Tegoshi thought they were both dreading the day Ryo was to leave.
That night Tegoshi was lying on his side with his back facing Ryo, and he could feel Ryo slowly sidling closer to him. Tegoshi waited for a few seconds and then, as if on cue, Ryo’s arm slid around his middle, hand resting gently on Tegoshi’s stomach.
Ryo’s breath was warm on the back of Tegoshi’s neck as he moves his head closer and closer, and then it was his lips caressing Tegoshi’s skin. The touches were light but electrifying. When a gentle tremor rippled through Tegoshi’s body, Ryo simply held him tighter with a reassuring squeeze.
It was then that Ryo murmured something, so soft Tegoshi could barely hear it, “Man, I’m gonna miss you.”
Emotions rose to Tegoshi’s throat. An overwhelming instinct inside him nearly drove him to say, “Then don’t go.” It would’ve been that easy to stop Ryo. But the last thing Tegoshi wanted was to restrain Ryo, to be a hindrance or even worse, a burden for him. So he remained quiet and clasped his hand over Ryo’s on his stomach, as he let Ryo’s kisses rain down upon his skin.
That was then. Now, he was alone in his bed with nothing but memories.
Tegoshi had always been a very physical person. Thus to stop his mind from being preoccupied with Ryo, he opted to keep his body busy, constantly moving from one activity to the next in the hope that he would be too tired to grieve. He put in more hours at work and went out with friends more often, sometimes until late. Soccer practice was increased from twice to four times a week - even when he was exhausted he still went.
His strategy seemed to be successful, for some time at least. At night he went to sleep seconds after laying his head on the pillow. Thoughts of Ryo receded to the farthest corners of his mind, only occasionally raising their heads to sniff the air, searching for something to sustain them, and then ducking down again in disappointment. For a while Tegoshi forgot what yearning felt like.
Then one afternoon when he was housecleaning, he thought he smelled something familiar. A faint scent that he was once so accustomed to. Scrunching up his nose, he searched for the source until he came upon the window seat cushions. He held up one of them to his face and, sniffing it, recognized what it was immediately: the smell of cigarettes.
Tegoshi didn’t like Ryo smoking inside the apartment, so Ryo always did it on the balcony. Or so Tegoshi thought. The evidence he had just found suggested that Ryo often smoked while sitting on the much more comfortable window seats. He could see it in his head: Ryo sneaking in his ashtray and lighting a cigarette, leaning back to puff the smoke in perfect circles, glancing at the door from time to time in case Tegoshi arrived home earlier than schedule. Despite himself, Tegoshi smiled.
Now that he was remembering Ryo again, he oddly didn’t feel so upset anymore. He had apparently gone past that stage. He slowly allowed himself to think about Ryo again, wondering if he was all right out there, if he had accomplished what he had planned to do, if he was happy. Above all he wondered if Ryo remembered him.
For some time he had kept himself from thinking about Ryo, shutting him out of his mind, but Ryo hadn’t really left, not really. His marks were everywhere. It wasn’t just the scent of smoke on the window seat cushions, or Ryo’s guitar that Tegoshi finally dared to touch, his fingers slowly tracing the curves and plucking one of the strings. It was more than Skull-kun raising his head for Tegoshi to pat him, and then waiting there for another minute as if expecting Ryo to come around and pat him too.
The biggest impact Ryo had made stayed within Tegoshi. He put his hand on his chest and felt it there, where it continued to bloom along with the hope that Ryo would return one day. Of that Tegoshi was certain.
When Ryo finally came home, though, Tegoshi didn’t believe it at first. He just stood there at the open door, staring at Ryo who was shifting his weight from one foot to another. Ryo was wearing atrociously bright-colored clothes, the pattern of his jacket clashing with that of his pants. An awkward grin graced his lips as he said quietly, “Hey.”
“You’re back!” Tegoshi exclaimed. He was smiling himself but he didn’t know what to say next. He gazed up and down at Ryo and finally added half-jokingly, “Nice clothes.”
Ryo raised his eyebrows at the sarcasm but his grin didn’t falter. “Thanks. Sorry I was gone so long.”
It then occurred to Tegoshi that the outfit was probably Masuda’s. His smile faded a little, but he still welcomed Ryo inside.
They sat down together to talk. Ryo spoke a bit about Masuda in vague terms, but even now Tegoshi didn’t really want to hear about the man, so he mostly tuned out when Ryo mentioned him. He focused his attention on Ryo’s appearance.
He looked a little thinner since Tegoshi last saw him. As he talked he drummed his fingers on his knee, betraying his anxiety. He was probably longing for a cigarette right now. Tegoshi contemplated whether he was feeling generous enough today to let Ryo smoke indoors, but Ryo’s next few words had him taken aback.
“...he wanted me to stay with him,” Ryo said.
They exchanged glances, Tegoshi’s heart pounding as he sought for hints of Ryo’s intentions in his eyes.
“But you came back,” Tegoshi spoke tentatively, leaving out the more obvious things he wanted to ask. Did you return just to say goodbye? Are you going to leave me for good?
Ryo reached for Tegoshi’s hand, his fingers that were so restless earlier now lacing with Tegoshi’s as though finding their purpose. Ryo gazed at him with such a tender look, one that Tegoshi had missed so much all this time.
“Of course I did, stupid.” Ryo leaned forward and gently kissed Tegoshi. He paused to add, his words firm with finality, “I can’t leave you.”
Tegoshi wrapped his hands around Ryo’s neck as they kissed again, feeling lighter than he had felt in weeks.
Later in bed that night, Ryo held him from behind, skin against skin, like he had never left at all. After showering Tegoshi’s neck and shoulders with kisses, he laid his head back on the pillow and sighed contentedly. “I’m glad I came home.”
Tegoshi smiled and replied, “Me too.”
Type: One-shot
Word count: 1,733
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi, background Ryo/Massu (NEWS)
Summary: After Ryo left, Tegoshi seeks something to hold on to. AU.
Notes: My fics are posted in this community from now on. First post, yay! ♥ This was written as part of
je_telephone, a series of successive remixes. Below are links to the other remixes plus soundtracks for some of them.
Version 1| Soundtrack for Version 1| Version 2| Version 3| Version 4|Version 5 by me| Version 6| Soundtrack for Version 6| Version 7| Version 8
On the day Ryo left their shared apartment, Tegoshi woke up to find an empty space next to him on the bed. He had known this was coming, but it still took him by surprise. He noticed the blanket still covering his shoulders, something that almost never happened because he turned over a lot in his sleep. Ryo must’ve tucked him in before leaving.
Tegoshi shivered a little despite the blanket.
He half expected to meet Ryo in the kitchen for breakfast - the kind of hope that only the hopeless had. There was no one in the kitchen, of course. Tegoshi took a deep, cleansing breath and set out to make breakfast. Not until he was nearly finished did he become aware he was cooking for two. He felt sorry to waste food so he gave some to his dog Skull-kun, who munched the extra treat heartily.
He had the day off from work and his food supplies were running thin, so he went out and drove to a nearby grocery store. He purposely made a list beforehand with the name as well as the number of necessary items. No need to buy two loaves of bread; one would be just enough. No need to get two types of salad dressing because Ryo liked a different brand. Grocery shopping would start to be a lot simpler from now on, Tegoshi thought, realizing with bitterness that he was consoling himself.
It didn’t really work. While queuing at the cash register, a glance at his half-full (half-empty?) shopping cart almost made him turn back to put more groceries into it.
Ryo didn’t have too many stuff, so it wasn’t like the apartment looked too vacant after he left. What was missing was simply his presence, his warmth, his quiet laughter. As the days went by, the silence made Tegoshi’s ears ring, so he turned up the volume on the TV or radio just to have some noise.
When he got bored he grabbed his guitar and practiced some songs. Right next to his pink electric one stood Ryo’s sleek black acoustic guitar - one of the few things he left behind, though Tegoshi wasn’t sure why. He didn’t touch it. It felt like some sort of sacrilege to Ryo’s memory.
Ryo’s memory. Tegoshi let out a sour laugh. He made it sound like Ryo was already dead. Ryo didn’t exactly pack his bags and leave without his permission. Wasn’t it Tegoshi who told him to follow his heart?
“Just go and do what you want,” was what Tegoshi said, to be exact. Well, Ryo certainly didn’t waste any time in doing so.
Tegoshi knew he went to see a man named Masuda, who seemed like an important person in his past. Ryo never divulged anything else, but even if he had wanted to, Tegoshi chose not to know about it. The thought that Ryo had gone to see that man was like an unbearable itch in a part of his body that he couldn’t reach. He refused to dwell on it, although like any itch it always returned in moments he never expected.
The nights were the worst. Sometimes Tegoshi spent half the night tossing and turning with his eyes wide open. Then just as he was about to slip into unconsciousness, he would recall how Ryo liked to wrap an arm around his waist from behind, pressing his chest against Tegoshi’s back.
One memory in particular stood out. It was during a particularly chilly night, several days before Ryo moved out of the apartment. He had already told Tegoshi he had to go away for a while, “to take care of some things”. Although neither said it, Tegoshi thought they were both dreading the day Ryo was to leave.
That night Tegoshi was lying on his side with his back facing Ryo, and he could feel Ryo slowly sidling closer to him. Tegoshi waited for a few seconds and then, as if on cue, Ryo’s arm slid around his middle, hand resting gently on Tegoshi’s stomach.
Ryo’s breath was warm on the back of Tegoshi’s neck as he moves his head closer and closer, and then it was his lips caressing Tegoshi’s skin. The touches were light but electrifying. When a gentle tremor rippled through Tegoshi’s body, Ryo simply held him tighter with a reassuring squeeze.
It was then that Ryo murmured something, so soft Tegoshi could barely hear it, “Man, I’m gonna miss you.”
Emotions rose to Tegoshi’s throat. An overwhelming instinct inside him nearly drove him to say, “Then don’t go.” It would’ve been that easy to stop Ryo. But the last thing Tegoshi wanted was to restrain Ryo, to be a hindrance or even worse, a burden for him. So he remained quiet and clasped his hand over Ryo’s on his stomach, as he let Ryo’s kisses rain down upon his skin.
That was then. Now, he was alone in his bed with nothing but memories.
Tegoshi had always been a very physical person. Thus to stop his mind from being preoccupied with Ryo, he opted to keep his body busy, constantly moving from one activity to the next in the hope that he would be too tired to grieve. He put in more hours at work and went out with friends more often, sometimes until late. Soccer practice was increased from twice to four times a week - even when he was exhausted he still went.
His strategy seemed to be successful, for some time at least. At night he went to sleep seconds after laying his head on the pillow. Thoughts of Ryo receded to the farthest corners of his mind, only occasionally raising their heads to sniff the air, searching for something to sustain them, and then ducking down again in disappointment. For a while Tegoshi forgot what yearning felt like.
Then one afternoon when he was housecleaning, he thought he smelled something familiar. A faint scent that he was once so accustomed to. Scrunching up his nose, he searched for the source until he came upon the window seat cushions. He held up one of them to his face and, sniffing it, recognized what it was immediately: the smell of cigarettes.
Tegoshi didn’t like Ryo smoking inside the apartment, so Ryo always did it on the balcony. Or so Tegoshi thought. The evidence he had just found suggested that Ryo often smoked while sitting on the much more comfortable window seats. He could see it in his head: Ryo sneaking in his ashtray and lighting a cigarette, leaning back to puff the smoke in perfect circles, glancing at the door from time to time in case Tegoshi arrived home earlier than schedule. Despite himself, Tegoshi smiled.
Now that he was remembering Ryo again, he oddly didn’t feel so upset anymore. He had apparently gone past that stage. He slowly allowed himself to think about Ryo again, wondering if he was all right out there, if he had accomplished what he had planned to do, if he was happy. Above all he wondered if Ryo remembered him.
For some time he had kept himself from thinking about Ryo, shutting him out of his mind, but Ryo hadn’t really left, not really. His marks were everywhere. It wasn’t just the scent of smoke on the window seat cushions, or Ryo’s guitar that Tegoshi finally dared to touch, his fingers slowly tracing the curves and plucking one of the strings. It was more than Skull-kun raising his head for Tegoshi to pat him, and then waiting there for another minute as if expecting Ryo to come around and pat him too.
The biggest impact Ryo had made stayed within Tegoshi. He put his hand on his chest and felt it there, where it continued to bloom along with the hope that Ryo would return one day. Of that Tegoshi was certain.
When Ryo finally came home, though, Tegoshi didn’t believe it at first. He just stood there at the open door, staring at Ryo who was shifting his weight from one foot to another. Ryo was wearing atrociously bright-colored clothes, the pattern of his jacket clashing with that of his pants. An awkward grin graced his lips as he said quietly, “Hey.”
“You’re back!” Tegoshi exclaimed. He was smiling himself but he didn’t know what to say next. He gazed up and down at Ryo and finally added half-jokingly, “Nice clothes.”
Ryo raised his eyebrows at the sarcasm but his grin didn’t falter. “Thanks. Sorry I was gone so long.”
It then occurred to Tegoshi that the outfit was probably Masuda’s. His smile faded a little, but he still welcomed Ryo inside.
They sat down together to talk. Ryo spoke a bit about Masuda in vague terms, but even now Tegoshi didn’t really want to hear about the man, so he mostly tuned out when Ryo mentioned him. He focused his attention on Ryo’s appearance.
He looked a little thinner since Tegoshi last saw him. As he talked he drummed his fingers on his knee, betraying his anxiety. He was probably longing for a cigarette right now. Tegoshi contemplated whether he was feeling generous enough today to let Ryo smoke indoors, but Ryo’s next few words had him taken aback.
“...he wanted me to stay with him,” Ryo said.
They exchanged glances, Tegoshi’s heart pounding as he sought for hints of Ryo’s intentions in his eyes.
“But you came back,” Tegoshi spoke tentatively, leaving out the more obvious things he wanted to ask. Did you return just to say goodbye? Are you going to leave me for good?
Ryo reached for Tegoshi’s hand, his fingers that were so restless earlier now lacing with Tegoshi’s as though finding their purpose. Ryo gazed at him with such a tender look, one that Tegoshi had missed so much all this time.
“Of course I did, stupid.” Ryo leaned forward and gently kissed Tegoshi. He paused to add, his words firm with finality, “I can’t leave you.”
Tegoshi wrapped his hands around Ryo’s neck as they kissed again, feeling lighter than he had felt in weeks.
Later in bed that night, Ryo held him from behind, skin against skin, like he had never left at all. After showering Tegoshi’s neck and shoulders with kisses, he laid his head back on the pillow and sighed contentedly. “I’m glad I came home.”
Tegoshi smiled and replied, “Me too.”