Égoïste [SAKITO / URUHA] - ONE SHOT

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: Égoïste
Chapters: One Shot
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: AU, Human Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings:  Smut, Incest
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sakito/Uruha
Bands: The Gazette, Nightmare
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Comment: Égoïste is French for egoist, selfish and so on (maybe the meaning was granted, but just in case). I don't know why certain parts are highlighted in white, but I couldn't fix it m(_ _ )m.

Summary: -I know that you know exactly what I want. How I want it, why I want it. Just exactly as I know what you want, how, and why you want it. Because, in a way, I am you, and you are me, so … -he then paused, turning his face towards an attentively listening me, with that smile of his-.. so why try so hard to please someone else, when you can please yourself, or lets say myself; and receive twice the pleasure uh? - Sakito's POV

Dedicated to: … finally finished uh? Sorry for the wait





Égoïste

If you'll read any of my legal documents, they will say that my name is Sakaguchi Sakito. They will also tell you that I am twenty-nine years old, born June 7, 1981. Only child. If you'll ask me to tell you a few anecdotes about myself, I will surely tell you that I am single, have no pets, have no friends, and have currently been living alone, for the past ten years, in a rather luxurious apartment in the middle of Ginza, Tokyo. Living in such an overpriced place wasn't really my choice, if it were have been for me, I would lived outside of Ginza, in any average apartment, even way outside of Tokyo; I, am a very simple person. If you kept asking, if you wanted me to get more detailed that is, I will also tell you that I graduated from the faculty of computer science, and a minor in international business at Todai with outstanding grades, and that now, I am the owner of one the nation's largest internet provider company in Japan.

If I were to suddenly die, my workers might say that I was very pleasant, a good and firm leader, never made an unfair decision, never slighted anyone. My family might say that I was also a very respectful and humble young man, and people I just met might say that I was pretty much laid-back; an okay-guy. If you kept asking, and this time however, would wanted me to be honest, because I tend to lie a lot to almost everyone, I would tell you that I believe this my self to be quite boring, because there is nothing nearly exciting nor interesting about being Sakaguchi Sakito, at least not the one on those documents, for even if you kept searching, with all your might, you will nor find a single document on the face of this Earth, nor any person, aside for my grand parents, who could tell you that on June 7, 1981 another child was born from the same womb I had been.

Sakaguchi Kouyou. That would have been his name, if it had appeared anywhere on any of my documents. However, twenty-five years ago now, when both our parents died in a car accidents, our grandparents whom had been against their marriage right from the very start, separated us. Our father was Japanese, our mother French, and as a result, I stayed here in Japan, and answered my second name, Sakito, whereas Kouyou followed our other grandparents to France. There, he was made to answer my mother's last name, Lacroix, and instead of Kouyou, his second name as well, Uruha.

Before our separation, the two of us, me and Kouyou, had always been inseparable, no matter what we did, no matter where we went, we would have to do it together. Our parents were both successful, so we always had everything we needed and wanted, even though there really was nothing we truly desired, for we were truthfully happy with just having the two of us, and our parents. We also loved our family, quite a lot, every member of it, extended or not, and they all appeared to be very happy around us as well, which is the greatest attribute about being a child; easily believing in what you see. Trusting in what you are being showed without questioning, without thinking that there might be something else behind it. Just like magic tricks, which is why children are easily impressionable, they don't even know the meaning of the word trick, as of then.

As I have said, I am a very simple person, in my manners, my taste, even in the way I express my emotions, I am not overt at all. I am really quite, and I was the same, even as a child, which is probably why my grandparents chose to keep me instead of Kouyou, whom was the complete opposite; and when I say complete, I mean complete. The day our French grandparents forced Kouyou away, he was angrily crying out for me, while vehemently kicking, biting and scratching all of those attendants that were trying to carry him away. That day, might have been the only in which I ever acted out of my character. I screamed for him as well, I tried to reach for him as well, and I managed to elude attendants running down the stairs keeping him in sight, as his eyes were as well fixed on mine. I won't let you go, I thought, it was as simply as that I thought, just like magic.

However, the instant in which he was dragged out of the main door, as I almost reached it, that who would have then become my only grandfather, successfully grabbed and slapped me incredibly hard, with the back of his hand, so hard, it looked and felt like a punch; it probably was. I obviously began to cry from the pain, making Kouyou instantly shut up, and immediately quiet down, probably fearing that something else would have been done to me if I tried to reach him again, he is technically the eldest, being the own who was born first, and me being hurt because of himself, was never part of his plans. Thus we stayed, unmoving, silently crying as our worlds were being drifted apart, I was four back then,but I still remember that day, so vividly, something like that you just don't forget, the day in which, all tricks were revealed. You can't forget.

Whereas my grandparents were extremely strict, Kouyou's were rather permissive, as a consequence they had found it extremely hard to get him to listen to anything they tried to impart, given that differently from the way my grandparents firmly believed, corporal punishment wasn't in their creed. All the same, at some point, they had found the way to finally handle Kouyou, which was the day they agreed in allowing him come and visit me at least once a year. He would have been allowed to come and visit me for at least three weeks, here, in Japan, and I still don't know how they managed to get my grandparents to agree to such a proposal, given that my grandparents regarded them, Kouyou as well, as if they were direct descendants of the devil; funny how I used to think the same about my own grandparents.

As children, three weeks were an immense amount of time, even though it seemed to pass so quickly because of how much fun we had. However, as we kept growing, time proportionally began to be less and less enough, in particular for Kouyou. He was becoming more and more fed up with my grandparents, whom categorically ignored his presence, in reply to such attitude Kouyou then decided to only speak french, which I understood, and of course they didn't. Having him do that, always kept me incredibly anxious, for even though I perfectly understand and speak french, I kept replying in Japanese fearing that my grandparents might have finally snapped and stopped allowing him to come, which I had explained to him, countless time, asking him to please speak Japanese. However, Kouyou seemed to believe that they couldn't and wouldn't do such a thing, thus kept on in his ways.

I never really understood what gave him such confidence, and really, it always seemed like Kouyou knew much more than I did, always, maybe because he was technically the eldest, which has no real reason to be, but the fact remains that he is always sure of everything he does, never has regrets, and does as he please. In a way, he was probably lucky to have been brought up in a country which wouldn't ostracize him because of his character, because that would have been a huge problem here. To this day, Kouyou still refuses to speak Japanese, even though my grandfather, the main evil as we liked to call him, has perished. Even though I live by myself, and he has the keys to this apartment, meaning that he can come visit me when he wants, given that we currently can't be together due to jobs rooted in our countries, he simply won't speak Japanese. I have gotten used to it, in the same way I have gotten used to keep replying in Japanese, the same way I have gotten used to call him Uurha, in the same way I seem to have gotten used to the messed up relationship he has dragged me into; even though I am not sure it is quite fair to lay all the fault on him.

-Bienvenue, Sakito mon amour! [Welcome back Sakito my love!]...- suddenly exclaimed a well too familiar and rather excited voice the instant I stepped into my apartment. In the past two days I hadn't acted like my regular self, something had been bothering me greatly, and such anxiety had been reflecting on my features somehow, making people impulsively question “is everything alright? you look ill”. I don't like people worrying about me, which is why I continuously lie, but when it comes to issues regarding him, the person to whom said excited voice belonged, I just can't seem to act like myself anymore. Before I could even glimpse at said person, a pair of as well very familiar lips possessively took hold of mine while he sensually assaulted me. My briefcase dropped to the floor, as I dropped my back against the then closed door, while slightly pulling away, finally being able to gaze at the face I knew I would have found, cheerfully smiling at me for a second, after which he then lowered his gaze on my lips, absently passing his index finger over them, while loosely toying with my tie -... J'ai attendu longtemps [I have been waiting for long] ...- he said with his usual nonchalance, while feigning a displeased pout, still standing there toying with my tie ...toying with me ... when all I felt like doing was bellowing out in anger

-Tadaima ...- I coldly whispered trying to keep said anger in check -... I have- I then resumed with a rather harsh tone, and quickly stopped, breathed out, and looked away in an attempt to cover my enraged features, knowing how much he hates me getting angry at him, even when I have all the right in the world to, such as I had at that moment; or did I really? -... I have been calling you for the past two days, just to check on you … it didn't occur to you that you could have instead call me and perhaps, I don't know, tell me you were coming? Uruha ...- I resignedly breathed with the sarcasm of a very tired person, still annoyingly avoiding his gaze, as he merely pouted some more, while gracefully wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling me closer

-Je suis désolé [I am sorry]...- he apologetically whispered in my ear, calmly pecking my lob -... J'étais dans l'avion? [I was on the plane?] ...- he tried to cutely excuse, in the most sultry tone than I have ever heard, and there isn't any woman that I have met by far, who could possibly compete; why is that?

-Yesterday, yes, you obviously were, but how about the day before? ...- I inquired in the same accusing and cold manner, sounding like a wife-beater, and I don't even know why. I don't own him, and I don't like the type of relationship we are in either, or at least I know I shouldn't. I, the one who is always trying to do the right thing, who always wants to abide by the laws, who tries to always make up for his mistakes, or what are being seeing as such, keep repeating to myself that this should stop. I have, for the past nine years, nonetheless, I find myself still acting like this. I can't make sense out of any of this, as usual, in the same way that, as usual, he seems to get the reason out of everything, and he loves to get me worked up like this, he really does, at least that is how it always felt to me.

-Je voulais vous surprendre [I wanted to surprise you] ...- he quickly added over the final words of my question - Je suis vraiment désolé [I am really sorry] ...- he proceeded, gently turning my face by my chin, and whispering on my lips -... Je vous manqué [I missed you] … beaucoup [a lot] - then concluded, as I simply fell silent, and allowed him to slowly kiss me. And if you asked why I didn't push him away, I'll tell you that I don't know, if you asked me again, and this time wanted me to be honest, I'll tell you that I simply didn't want to.

I would tell you that I didn't want to, even knowing that this, our relationship, is wrong on every front. We treat each other, talk, kiss, and even have sex, like any couple of lovers would, and even though I am always so against this, as I said and as you can see, I really never do anything about it. There seems not to be said will in me to want to stop myself, stop us from getting things any worse; because this is bad isn't it? Somewhere inside of me, I seem to want this as well. A part of me that I despise immensely, seems to want this so much to the point that I was about to simply smile at him, putting aside my anger and let him have his way as usual. And every time I keep telling myself that I will stop this, I will ...but it keeps being postponed; well this will stop. Today. I'll stop it today, because it has really gone too far. To the point in which I can't seem to even voluntarily go on a date with a man, not to talk about women, because I am constantly invaded by the thoughts of him, even though we never declared ourselves as lovers. I have gotten so wound up in everything that is Kouyou, emotionally and physically, that it is inebriating, and … and it hurts because, we are not supposed to; we are not supposed to!

It all started when we were around eleven, he randomly began to peck me on my lips when we were alone, but I always thought of it as “that is the way they act in France”. However, as we turned twenty, and I got drunk for the first time, because that is the legal age in Japan whereas eighteen in France, I somehow had sex with him, which I obviously attributed to have been drunk. Not too later, convincing me into proving that I might have liked having sex with him, given that I didn't remember much about that night, we did it again. That night I was lucid as hell, and I manged to lose myself in what honestly felt like heaven as we both consciously came, me inside him; for the second time. My excuse? My oh so justifiable excuse? Weakness. My being weak when it came to anything regarding him; quite weak excuse as well. And all the following times, you might ask, all the following nine years in which we kept with this conduct, what do I attribute them to? As if.

-En réalité, c'est de votre faute [really though, it is your fault] ...- Kouyou resumed, speaking in his usual nonchalant tone, while mischievously grinning at me, after which, he slowly turned away, and pulled me along by my tie into my apartment, towards my bedroom, which as the rest of the house, he had personally decorated. He is a stylist, he owns a well renowned fashion firm in France, so he'd always justified his taking over certain aspects of my life, saying he had more sense, artistic and not, than me, even though we both knew he needn't not to justify anything.

-How is it my fault? do illuminate me please ...- I cynically replied with such a calm tone that the cynicism might have been lost as I freed my tie from his control, which made him quickly turn around to visibly express his disapproval of my action, by squinting his eyes, while pretentiously pouting. He then calmly extending his hand to reach for my tie once more, but I composedly moved my torso away so that he couldn't reach it, while severely staring at him, whom merely smirked, newly turning forward and resumed walking; I followed.

-Chaque fois que je vous téléphone ... récemment … [Every time I call you … recently …] - Kouyou began to answer, once we entered the room, while he got himself comfortable on my bed, cutely making signs with both his hands for me to go over - ne semble pas vouloir parler [you don't seem to want to talk] ... ces jours [these days] ...- he kept talking, as I closed the door, and simply leaned on it gazing at him over there with an unimpressed manner. He obviously didn't like the fact that I was still on the door, and not on the bed, yet he kept smiling, but as he lowered his gaze to his laps, his smile was forced, rather fake, and I could tell, because no matter how hard he tried; we'd never been to good in hiding the “trick” to each other -... finalement trouvé un amant? [… finally found a lover?]- smirking, he was smirking while he raised his head asking me that, and I quite can't explain what type of emotion did such a reaction stir into me, but it was uncomfortable, I didn't like it one single bit. Thus I moved from the door, and walked to the edge of the bed where he was raised on his knees, and merely kept silently looking at his pretense smiling face for a while

-As if ...- I apathetically whispered, while he stretched towards my neck, lightly kissing it, while wrapping his arms around my waist, acting unfazed, like it didn't matter to him if I actually did get a lover, even though I knew for a fact, that he never had; nobody besides me.



-Pourquoi pas? [Why not? …] - Kouyou amusingly expressed - J'ai toujours été choqué par le fait que vous n'avez pas encore avoir un ... [I have always been shocked to the fact that you still don't have one …] vous êtes un homme très brillant et beau … J'ai toujours pensé que vous auriez eu [you are such a brilliant and handsome man … I always figured you would]- … How? Why can he be so detached and act like he didn't care? Why does he keep ignoring the why I am obviously so shaken by this? Why can't
he help me by giving us a reason for us to stop this? Why … do I have to be brought to this point

-You ...- I then finally spoke, quite more like an irritated hiss, as I looked kept swiftly breathing in and out while glaring at his slightly confused features - … why do you … - I kept hissing, as I felt my anger increase, while he simply lowered his gaze from me, action which, considering how I reacted; I obviously didn't like. Both of my hands reached for the collar of his shirt, and roughly grabbed them pulling him close to my enraged features - … Why do you keep doing this to me?!- I yelled, after which I roughly pushed him on the bed, all along he simply held his gaze away from me looking quite mortified -... have you ever thought about how I feel about any of this? Has it ever occurred to you that this, that us, isn't right?! It is not right Kouyou! - I kept bellowing, as I got over him, and once again reached for his collar, as I glared at him beneath me, and I swear I was about to punch him, I wanted him to hurt, if not like I did, just a bit, but he smiled at me. He turned his head, and genuinely smiled at me.

-Takahiro … - Kouyou then whispered, still so tenderly smiling at me, which made me even more irritated for some reason. However, hearing him call my first name for the first time in so long, caught me completely off guard and instead of hitting him like I thought I wanted to, I simply resumed yelling

-How about you, uh? We are twins for crying out loud! At least physically, we are the same! So why haven't you?! In fact you are so much better than me in so many aspects, you should have been the one with a lover, if not even hundreds! So why? … why me?!- I angrily expressed in the best of my capability, my face surely rage in uncontrolled raged, while he kept silently looking at me, as I was fighting with my own breath, feeling so drained as if I had just ran a marathon

-Parce que je suis narcissique … [Because I am a narcissist ...]- he then tenderly stated, reaching up a hand to cup my one of my fiercely boiling cheeks -... Je m'aime … très bien ... [ I love myself … so much …] - and the other hand reached my other cheek as he kept talking, while I tried to grasp the meaning of what he was saying, which at the moment made absolutely no sense to me. Even in a moment such as this, in which I was visibly hurting, he still had the guts of talking about himself, I had thought; until it finally hit, the meaning of what he was saying -… raison pour laquelle, je n'ai même jamais voulu partager moi-même avec personne d'autre [… reason why, I have never even wanted to share myself with nobody else ] … et de ce fait, je suis un égoïste ... [… and because of that, I am an egoist] - he paused for a second, while he slowly brought down my face towards his -... Dans le passé, j'ai essayé de ne pas ... [.. In the past I tried not to …] mais je ne pouvais pas, j'ai donc cessé de me combattre [but I simply could not, so I stopped fighting myself...] et parce que j'ai toujours compris moi-même si bien [and because I have always understood myself so well …] Je savais que ça allait bien. Vous souvenez-vous? Vous rappelez-vous ce que vous a dit? [I knew it was alright. Do you remember? Do you remember what you said?] - … and I did, like in one of those dramatic movies, the memory of that day fly right into me

-I have reached a conclusion - he had told me, we were abut twelve, and he was still speaking Japanese to me

-Which? - I stated, as I held him close in my arms, while we looked at the sky outside my window,pointing out figures in the clouds. He had asked me to hold him that way; he had said he was cold

-I know that you know exactly what I want. How I want it, why I want it. Just exactly as I know what you want, how, and why you want it. Because, in a way, I am you, and you are me, so … -he then paused, turning his face towards an attentively listening me, with that smile of his-.. so why try so hard to please someone else, when you can please yourself, or lets say myself; and receive twice the pleasure uh? - he had stated soon after laughing and looking away, most likely trying to make it pass like a joke and I had said …

-... fine with me-

-Vous souvenez-vous? [do you remember?] - Kouyou then whispered, this time traces of pain clearly detectable in his voice, as he united our foreheads, and noses - Pour moi, encore aujourd'hui, rien n'a changé, je ressens toujours la même [To me, even now, nothing has changed, I still feel the same] - and our lips touched, buy he didn't kiss me, they simply touched - … I love you Takahiro - he then whispered on my lips in Japanese, as if to make sure I perfectly understood what he just said, while a few tears, which belonged didn't belong to me, moistened our lips

That was the first time he ever told me that; funny isn't it? All this time among all the sweet words, all the caresses, all the sex, this had been the first time he had told me something so important, or perhaps something that should have being granted at this point in time. Because, and I felt really ashamed of such a confession, for the first time I brought myself to consider such a fact, considered that he actually loved me, even though it should have been so clear to that point. To think that I have always thought he was simply having fun with me; to think that I suddenly didn't understand myself anymore. To think that I then realized that my turmoil was due to the fact that I felt exactly the same.

-Kouyou … - I whispered back, calling him by his first name, after which I sort of desperately kissed him as I pushed us on the bed - I love you too ...- I began to whisper as I kissed his tears away, while he wrapped his arms around my neck -... I love you ... I love you ... I love you ...- I kept whispering in a calming mantra for him, and a reinforcing system for myself, so that I could have finally engrave it in my head that it was as simply as that, that even though it still didn't make our relationship any more right or better in the eyes of the world, it was alright for us; it was alright for me - … I love you Kouyou ...- I kept professing, while unbuckling his belt and getting rid of his trouser, after which I delicately began to fondle his manhood over his underwear, as we kissed so deeply and passionately, getting ready to finally make love for the first time in this long nine years.

-I love you too ...- he whispered in reply, as I raised to quickly get rid of my suit jacket, tie, while he quickly took care of my suit trousers, after which he lowered to suck on my clothed erection while I still worked on trying to get off my shirt without snapping buttons out of it in the sudden rush of excitement. Once done with my own shirt, I carefully pulled him away from in-between my legs, swiftly got rid of his T-shirt, and teased his nipples with my teeth and hand, making him lowly moan, trying to hold himself by holding my shoulders, while a kept lowering my tongue over his chest, across his naval, and reaching the rim of his underwear.

Managing not to act as hasty as I obviously felt, I successfully slid off his fitted boxers, after which I rose up to fervently make out with him, while I eagerly pumped and massaged his erection. I was on fire, I could see and think of nothing else but being one with him at that moment, and his panting, his breathing and moaning quickly drove my mind close to delirium. Gently stopping my hand, he then made us change position, having me sit against the bed-board, while a lowered between my legs, kissed the tip of my erection smiling up at me, who shyly looked away, making him smirk as he began to lap it. Not too later my whole manhood was completely inside his mouth, and I don't know what series of things he was doing with that tongue of his, but it felt unbearably good, to the point that I almost couldn't succeed in trying to get the lube out of his bed-table's drawer.

-Stop stop … keep up with this and I'll come in no time ...- I whispered, as I got him to sit up, and peck me on my lips - … and you already know where I want to come right? ...- I then wantonly whispered on his neck, as I carefully made him lie on his back, while spreading his legs, and making him giggle, and nod in acknowledgment, as he played with my black locks -... good - I smiled back, placing some lube on my fingers and directly on his entrance. As I massaged his entrance with my right index finger, I poured some lube on his hardened manhood, and began to massaged it with my left hand for a while, enjoying every groan, every blush that pained his familiar features, thinking about the fact that even though we are twins, there is absolutely no way I could manage to do such an exquisite fase when I jerk off, which is why I am able to come literally thinking of myself

-Taka … sto … I'm about to come ...- he hissed, his eyes completely closed, and both his hands tightly holding the sheets beneath them

-That's okay ...- I stated, leaving his entrance, and lowering int his ear, while i kept massaging his erection -I'll make you come over and over again ...- I sensually hissed is ear, as I increased the intensity of the massage, and the speed with which I did it, making him tightly hold to my upper-arm -... and keep speaking in Japanese to me … it sounds so sexy Kouyou … - I whispered, at which final words, he suddenly came in my hand, which I raised and took my time to slowly lick, as I observed him blush in embarrassment for the first time ever -... I didn't know you got shy ...- I mischievously smirked, making Kouyou look away

-Y-you've never done that before ...- he quickly justified, as I chuckled, while getting back between his legs and resuming his preparation this time stretching him with the insertion of two of my fingers, which I den began to pull in and out, and stretch inside, avoiding a specific point for the mean time; because I know exactly where my prostate is.

-You really are cute ...- I whispered, while inserting a third digit, proceeding in what I have been doing for so long, while carrying all the shamefulness of the world on my shoulder, and now with so much enthusiasm I never though I had

-Then ...- Kouyou breathed out in half a moan -.... the same … goes for you ...- he manged to concluded, as I purposely grazed his prostate, after which I slowly removed my fingers, and placed my on burning erection by his entrance -... come in … don't just keep me waiting ...- he hurried me, as I smiled and pushing myself inside him, stopping once I was completely in - … Takahiro ...- he licentiously breathed out, and never before had I loved my name as much.

-Kouyou … - I whispered in return while cautiously pulling him up, in such a way that he was sitting on my laps, with my manhood sheathed inside him even deeper if possible, which was mostly what made him moan so loud as he was brought up -... whenever you are ready? ...- I manged to whispered, sinking my head in the crook of his neck

-H-hai … - he whispered, and holding my shoulders, as I rested my head on the bed-board, he began to raise himself up and down my length, and I don't know if I had been particularly aroused at that moment, or whether he had just been always this good, but it didn't take him too long to make me come, causing him to do as well, for the second time of I don't remember precisely how many other that night, among all the positions we went through, but that wasn't the point.

The point is that even though in the registry of world there exists a Sakaguchi Sakito born on June 7 1981 currently leaving in Japan, and a Lacroix Uruha, born on the same date, and currently living in France, whom do not know each other and have absolutely nothing to do with one another, there currently are in this house, in this moment, and for as long as we please, Takahiro and Kouyou, once lovely and inseparable brothers, now hidden but conscious lovers. And it is okay if the world never comes to know about us, like the true selfish persona that we really are, we do not have to give any explanation nor share ourselves with anyone else, and I, Takahiro, am more than fine with that.

A/N: Et voilà ! Mesdames et Messieurs … I am back (^ ^ )v. Okay now no more French LOL.

So I had started this on vacation, but I ended up actually taking a vacation so I didn't write for quite a while you might have noticed. However, hope you enjoyed it, and now better get on the roll and keep with all the other fics that I have to write, right?

Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-

PS I don't know French so I relied on google translator, comparing every sentence with the relative translation in Italian (which is my native language), and doing tiny pieces at a time, to make sure I got as close as a good translation as possible. So if anything is wrong please feel free to tell me m(_ _ )m