Yutaka's Best Friend [KAI / REITA] - ONE SHOT
Title: Yutaka's Best Friend
Chapters: One Shot
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: AU, Angst, Human Drama
Warnings: a curse word every now and then ...
Rating: PG-15
Pairing: Reita / Kai
Bands: The GazettE
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: Akira is a high school student, who suddenly falls in love with his best friend.
Dedicated to: hyprakktiv well … it is not happy, but I promised you I was going to dedicate you the next one, because of CYE. Lol wrong timing ne?
Yutaka's Best Friend
Man it sucks to be me was the bittersweet and standing-ovating soundtrack of Akira Suzuki's recently wretched teenage life, the simplistic haiku to his complicated heart, the constant disappointing mantra of his troubled soul, and whatever more his still incredulous mind had been able to come up with during his daily long apathetic hours of either wall, ceiling, Yutaka, window, cellphone, food, Yutaka, road, school-books, Yutaka contemplating.
Yutaka, his one and only best friend.
To have recently realized and accepted that he had feelings for him majorly sucked in more ways than one, but mainly it was the fact that there really was no helping it, no denying it, and no solution for it either. Wishing that the other were actually a girl was futile, wanting the other to magically read his mind and “do something about it” would have been amazing but quite impossible, and the fact that the person in question currently had a girlfriend seemed to make his wishful thinking even more futile, and his wants even more impossible. Man it really sucked to be him right now.
The whole discovery was even more pissing off if possible. The two of them met during their first year of high school, immediately clicked, and never left each other side ever since. They shared games, homework, food, anything and everything he could think of, there wasn't anything they hadn't done together, nothing they hadn't talked about either. Yet, sometime during the freshly passed summer, he began to stare at the brunette more than he ought to have, Yutaka's haphazard touches became somewhat pleasurable, his smiles were something to die for, and his company was what he began to long for almost incessantly. However, Akira would notice of such reactions in very random moments, so random, that he ended up not thinking too much about them, and in the rare occasions he did, he'd simply tell himself that it was all a consequence of himself not having a girlfriend during summer for the first time in his life.
So he had thought; without thinking that perhaps Yutaka himself, was the reason why he hadn't had a girlfriend during summer for the first time.
Until, at the beginning of the current semester, a couple of months ago, Yutaka came cheerfully announcing the fact that he had finally asked someone out, and that said someone accepted.
Immediately following said announcement, Akira couldn't find it anywhere in his heart to rejoice for his best friend's first girlfriend, on the contrary, he felt rather angered, anguished, and sick at the same time. “Oh” had been all that came out of his instantly turned absent expression, which wasn't typical of him at all, it wasn't what Yutaka's best friend would have said, and as a consequence a rather concerned and incredibly heartfelt “D-did you like her?! If that's the case I had no idea! I am so sorry, I-” darted out of an immensely sorrowful Yutaka. Yet, being Yutaka's best friend he was able to recollect himself just in time to stop the brunette's thread of apologies, and manage to say “Dude! Chill, I was just shocked that you were able to make such a catch man! Congrats!”. And so it was that the brunette sighed in relief, then smiled in his typical way that Akira had come to love, while he himself tried to figure out why his heart was aching in the excruciating way it did; even though he was darn sure of the reason why by then.
-Without considering Dante's description and personal thoughts regarding the seven capital sins, which of the seven do you believe the worst? State your opinion, and explain the reasons in a detailed one page essay ... no double space … - mechanically read out Akira in a low absent tone, scratching the nape of his neck as if he were giving the assignment at least an educated thought, while mentally wailing on the “no double space” part of it, the same way in which he was sure the brunette, sitting right in front of him, was currently doing
-... ma~n, I just need to pass this class … seriously … dude, like ... how the hell are we supposed to write that for a whole page?! - whined said brunette, ungracefully dropping over his own copy of the assignment
-Well Kai ...- sighed the blond while calling the other with his nickname -… lets take a look at the other suggested topics ...- trialed way Akira in a whisper, still absently examining the paper of the assignment he was tightly holding in his hands - … the second one is about teen pregnancy, the third is about the analyzing the meaning behind what used to be our childhood imaginary friend, and the last one is about the effects of … Alice in Wonderland Syndrome … the fuck is that? ...- skeptically summarized the blond, glimpsing down at Yutaka, who was looking up at him with the expression of a man, whom had reached the sudden conclusion that he was doomed
-Yo Reita … - suddenly called out the brunette, calling the other with his own nickname and looking with that one look that Akira hated for the simple reason that it was that one look with which Yutaka could have gotten away with anything -... I kinda promised Keiko that we would have gone on a date tonight … we haven't had a chance lately with school and soccer you know … - began to explain the brunette, sounding incredibly guilty, even though he hadn't asked for the favor that Akira knew was about to come -... so you know ... we're best friends right? ...- inquired the other receiving a silent smile and nod from the mentally forlorn feeling blond - … then … do you mind helping me real quick with mine first before you do yours? You have no plans for tonight right? … please? - concluded the brunette, stretching up on his chair, bowed head, and hands put up together in a I beg you stance
-Sure why not … - nonchalantly replied Akira, while grinning in the most earnest way he could pretend to -... I do have nothing to do after all ...- he added, keeping up his farce, even though it wasn't like he minded doing this at all. Yutaka had done his math homework countless time, it was a regular routine, in fact, the brunette didn't have to be so pleading about the whole thing at all, for there was no way Akira would have said no, Yutaka ought to have known that. Yet, it always appeared like the brunette felt so sorry anytime he asked Akira to do something for him, and he'd always assume what to the blond were the cutest expressions, which had always been quite endearing a thing. Lately however, knowing that 99.9% of things that Yutaka would ask him to do had something to do with a someone named Keiko, made Akira feel like he truly wasn't doing them for Yutaka, but someone else who had nothing to do with them, and it hurt. It was like he'd suddenly grown a masochism bar over his head, which he continuously filled everyday, and emptied for the next.
-Dude you are the best best friend anyone could ask you know! - happily and swiftly replied Yutaka, as he opened his laptop, which was laying closed by his side, he then entered the requested access password, clicked on openoffice writer, and cracked his fingers -... okay shoot it, what am I writing about? ...- he finally inquired, assuming a serious expression, while fixing his gaze on the laptop’s screen, with his fingers ready on its keyboard
-So … - calmly began Akira, getting off his chair, and walking to sit on his own bed, behind the brunette. There was absolutely no need for such a random move, but for some reason, he thought he'd feel more comfortable not having himself in total display of the brunette as he talked about what he'd make him write -... you are going to pick the first one, Dante's one because … I actually happened to have read it for a change ... - jokingly stated Akira, and even though he truly had read it, he knew Yutaka would have thought it a joke, because Yutaka's best friend didn't read, period, Yutaka's best friend was simply magically good with words and Google-summaries, which always made him write A-grade-papers. This time however, Akira had read the book on a whim, given to how he had lately been forced himself to think about anything else other than the brunette, and once he had started, he had found himself capable of identifying with some of the tormented souls in Hell, and continued reading to the end
-Yeah right … but whatever … - laughingly replied Yutaka as expected -... which sin are we picking? … Lust? - suggestively questioned the brunette, turning towards the blond making an implying expression -... I mean we all know you'd have tons to say about that ...- calmly added the brunette, receiving an arched brow from the blond, whom then also shook his head, making sign with his index finger to turn around -... hey I was just saying ...- newly laughed Yutaka obediently turning away to face his laptop
-... envy … - breathed Reita -... you'll write about envy ...- repeated the blond with a stronger and louder voice tone
-Envy? ...- skeptically questioned the brunette, once again turning towards the blond, holding himself on the back of the chair -... what would you know about envy? Mister soccer-club-captain-get-all-the-pretty-girls-in-school-and-somehow-still-manage-to-have-awesome-grades- sceptically pointed out the brunette -... though, since I am the one writing the essay, I guess you had to cut it out for me, so … yeah ...- added the brunette, chuckling at his own conclusion
-My math and physics would be bad without you, soccer I just love, and … you haven't seen me with any girl around lately, have you? - analyzed Akira trying his best not to breach into a sarcastic tone when stating his last observation
-Yeah … - nodded Yutaka staring at some random point in front of himself -... I noticed that in fact ...- he then stated, looking back up at the blond with an overly enthusiastic expression -... Keiko wanted to introduce you to a friend of hers, so that we could ... double date? ...- hesitantly concluded, probably in reaction of the blond increasingly unimpressed growing features; he really had to learn how to control his facial expressions just like Yutaka's best friend would have
-Does she look anything like you? ...- suddenly smirked the blond, painfully playing on the fact that sadly enough, the other would have gotten not even a single hint to how serious he truly was in asking such a question
-What? ...- weirdly laughed the other in reply, looking at the blond in utter bemusement - … I mean if you want someone as ugly as I am I doubt, since I saw her and she is definitely pretty ...- added the brunette with a smile
-Then never-mind ...- dryly concluded Akira, deepening the perplexed look on the brunette's gentle features
-What?! - shockingly exclaimed Yutaka, staring into Akira's eye, who had to work mighty hard to keep up with the other's intense gaze, and not cave in like he wanted to, so badly, in order to not let the brunette discover the truth of the matter -... what's wrong with you all of a sudden? Actually … you have been acting pretty weird lately- softly stated the brunette, breaking away his gaze, allowing the blond to mentally sigh in relief
-Forget about it, nothing is wrong with me all is well, just as usual … now turn around, back to envy ...- plainly stated the blond, widened his eyes, in a pretense annoyed gesture
-Okay … - doubtingly replied the brunette in a whisper, turning around almost frowning, and why was even that so cute to the blond at the moment, we wish he knew; oh Akira really wished he knew
-If we associate each of the sins to a human disorder … - suddenly began Akira, beginning the other's essay -... we could also link each disorder with a particular part of a human being, be it physical or not ...- continued the blond, as the brunette typed away - … in such manner Lust, could be seen as a disorder of the body, Gluttony of the stomach, Greed of the soul, and so on. Period. On such a basis, I came to the conclusion that Envy is the worst out of them, being Envy … - then stopped the blond, all of a sudden feeling entirely subconscious and completely aware of himself -... the disorder of the heart … p-period- he hesitantly concluded, think though what he had just stated
-This is just the beginning and it already sounds so deep … I'll probably have to tweak it a little ...- smirked the brunette -... but anyways … keep going - almost ordered Yutaka
-For example … - began the blond, with a tone of voice slightly lower; a touch less strong -... let's assume the existence of the regular pair of best friends; Kouyou and Takanori. Everything is fine between the two, until one day, Takanori gets a girlfriend, and in the exact moment that that happens, Kouyou realize that he has feelings for his best friends ...- composedly continued the blond, ignoring the fact that the brunette had slowly stopped typing, while still keeping his back turned to him -... the fact that Kouyou would now have no choice but to merely be Takanori's best friend, would give him enough reason to envy his one girlfriend. The fact that Kouyou is unmistakeably of the same gender as Takanori, would give him ulterior reason to envy the existence of any girl. The fact that … the fact that he is forced to smile at such envy, daily, like nothing is wrong just so that the other doesn't uselessly worry, and because in the end, after all said and done, he'd rather have him as a friend rather than having nothing at all, would be enough to make him envy anyone in the world. - finally stopped the blond, wondering whether the lack of any movement from Yutaka, served to signify that he had caught on something; given that he had practically confessed, and was maybe starting to regret said decision
-Akira … - lowly called the brunette, still facing the screen of his computer -... this is … - kept trailing off the brunette, after which he turned around to face the blond -... this is so deep, damn … I kinda feel sorry for this Kouyou guy right now, damn … - kept professing Yutaka, incredulously shaking his head, at the blond -... you really are the man, dude, you are great at this sort of things, not like it was a secret but still … - concluded the brunette, with a satisfied smile, turning around resuming his typing
-Yeah … - loudly and dejectedly agreed the blond, feeling quite bitter about the the other's lack of intuition, because apparently, there was some part of him that wanted Yutaka to know just how much it hurt to be around him as Yutaka's best friend everyday. And it was just so funny how that worked, given as to how another part of him he was completely regretting having even only mentioned said story just a few minutes ago -... and you are the man for me, but it would be a problem if it stopped being a secret, now how fucked up is that? … - the blond then whispered to himself
-You said? ...- distractedly inquired Yutaka, as he kept rapidly typing
-Nothing, in fact I tell you what ...- stated Akira, getting off his bed and walking towards the brunette, you just go home and get ready … I'll finish this … I really can't trust your incredibly wack “tweaking abilities” it might still sound like something I would write so … yeah … - rapidly explained the blond, as the brunette, stopped to perplexedly look up at him
-But I think I have been doing well so far, and I don't want you to- tried to reject the brunette, whom however was nonchalantly interrupted by the blond
-If you don't get up that chair this instant, I won't talk to you for a week and you can forget me helping you with the rest of this ...- threatened the blond, apathetically looking down at the distressed look on the brunette’s face, whom seemed to be mentally searching for words to retort, but could apparently find nothing -... I am dead serious Yutaka, get up … - pushed on Akira, at which, the brunette resignedly got up, allowing the blond to take his place -... man you really like to make things hard sometimes don't you ...- chuckled the blond in a lighthareded manner, in order to make the bruentte stop looking so worried anymore
-Are you sure about this? ...- lowly inquired Yutaka, looking down at the blond, whom however, this time, couldn't find it in his heart to look up at the brunette and smile; his masochism bar had probably just broken
-Yes don't worry, I'll text you when I am done. So ... send my regards to Keiko, and thank her for worrying about my relationship needs, tell her it was kind of her, but I am fine ...- replied the blond, as he began to type
-Oaky … - dejectedly replied Yutaka, as he slowly picked up his stuff
-Hey … - Akira then suddenly found the courage to exclaim -... what's with that moody attitude, dude if Keiko comes complaining to me about a fail date, I'll beat you to a pulp, so stop moping for no fucking reason right now … I mean seriously ... I am doing your homework, and you are going on a date with an amazing girl, what's wrong with you?!- added the blond with a perfectly impersonated feign astonished expression
-You are right ...- lightly smirked Yutaka -... you are the best, I owe one ...- concluded the brunette, pulling up his bag-pack
-... Yeah, and physics' take-home will be the perfect occasion to show all your love and devotion buddy ...- nonchalantly stated Akira, with a light laughter
-Hai hai … - smirked Yutaka, taking a quick look around the room, seemingly checking that he hadn't forgotten anything -... well then, I'll get my laptop tomorrow, and thank you again - finally added the brunette, with a quick wave, and a grateful bow, after which he walked away
Waiting a few minutes, to make sure he'd heard the front door close, Akira focused his attention back on the paper, and without thinking he kept writing
… I love you, and I wish I could tell you. I wish you could understand.
I wish you could know just how much every little thing you do affects me in the worst ways. Your smiles wound me, your kindness shatters me, and your ignorance saves me and dooms me at the same time. It hurts. So fucking much. Having to keep all this emotions locked inside, its insane, it feels like I am about to explode every time, but I am too scared to lose you, so they boil down, just for a little though, because they come back stronger than ever each and every single time. Even adding the random smiley at the end of our texts has become something so hard for me to do … can you imagine such feelings? Feelings that have the potential to drive me to madness, but simply make me act “weirdly” like you so carelessly like to put. Feelings that have driven me, the manliest man of all, to tears once or twice.
I feel like I should tell you all of this. I feel like you should know, or perhaps it would just make me feel better, to let you aware of the fact that you are the current cause of my pain. That you, my dear best friend, are not quite so much a best friend anymore to me; that I have stopped being your best friend for quite some time now. And I have no idea what I am to you anymore, because the boy you know as Yutaka's best friend is a boy who happily died sometime last summer. His world was perfect, his life was balanced because he had all he needed from his life; his dreams and his best friend.
The me that substituted Yutaka's best friend, is just a suffering boy, whom can barely hang on to his dreams, and whom is longing for a love he knows it would be unfair for more than one party to go pursing. He is a wretched boy who wonders just for how long he'll be able to keep it all inside, and hopes continuously day by day not to end up hurting the one person he truly loves, because I truly do love you Yutaka.
Hopelessly yours
your ex-best friend
Akira.
Bitterly smiling at his spontaneous and veracious masterpiece, he allowed a single tear to drop on the keyboard, as he pressed Ctrl, the letter “a” and immediately after the delete button, and just like that, it was all gone, differently from his true feelings, which were still very strong, and still very there. So began his usual contemplating routine, this time the laptop screen of his beloved being the object of his lucid empty dark orbs, which remained impassive until the vibrating of his cell-phone made them dart towards the object laying on the table
How is it going? <(^_^)>. Kai
Dude, it's awful, I am braking down like a bitch, you should see me, and it is all your fault hahah … he would have liked to have written
Dude, I decided to write about Alice Wonderland Syndrome (< <” ). Reita
Oh okay! LOL. Well then see ya tomorrow
You're still the best! (^0^ )b Kai
-Yeah … still the best … - dejectedly whispered the blond, placing his cellphone back on the table, as he returned his gaze back to the empty openoffice page, and then unceremoniously dropped his head on his desk -... just the best … - he whispered as he then apathetically began to cry, which he truly considered disgraceful, quite distasteful as well, but god did it feel somewhat good, every time he did -... Man ...- he then smirked in-between tears -... it truly fucking sucks to be me, it really does -
AN: Well I had this in mind for a while now, so as I do with all my one-shots I just let it out. Not every story can have a happy ending ne? And I feel like a lot of us are going, or have been throw this already. Just food for thoughts? Though there isn't a solution here, just a chance maybe to feel like “so I am not the only one going through this ...” if anybody is, yeah, you are not alone * SUPERhug * … now back to Cheating Hades and House of Sin LOL.
Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-