[ooc] [essay] RED THREAD AFTERMATH
It is some sort of small miracle, he supposes, that he runs into no familiar faces as he trudges back to the Lawyertarium, hunched over and limping from pain. The camp grounds are chaotic, and even though he takes an isolated route so late in the night, he can still hear some of what's going on. The sounds do not help his disposition any, and the ghost of his father flickers in and out of his vision, a silent poltergeist trying to tempt him away from the path and walk one leading to hell. The lack of words from this ghost does not comfort him. In its silence Yuri feels nothing but the weight of his injuries, body still sore and bloody despite the resurrection, and the pain from having his eye removed causes him to walk with only one eye open. His head pounds, his muscles ache, and he feels as if he is still dead-or, perhaps, undead, knowing the tricks of the camp.
Either way, his father's silence makes it all to easy for Yuri to focus on the throbbing ache of his body and the faint cries of the residents as they tear one another apart. But pain and sounds of anguish are helpful distractions, cruel as they might be. They keep his focus off his own thoughts, off his own memories. He was not in his right mind; he had done things he would not have done; he had died, so many times, and he had actually enjoyed-
"Do you still believe your justice to be correct?" the specter of his father says.
"When will you leave me alone?!" Yuri yells in reply, standing straight and halting. His body screams with objection from the action, but he doesn't care-can't afford to care.
But there is no one there to hear him. The stalks of corn sway lazily in the night breeze, and the faint cries of fighting grow fainter, just for a moment. The moon is full and bright, casting its pale silver gaze across the fields. The November night is cool, edging on cold.
He is alone.
I am so bad at coherency, but I WILL TRY NONETHELESS. First, let's talk about death! And, specifically, how Yuri died lots of times during the event and how's he reacting.
NOT WELL.
Power, Justice, and the Meaning of Being Right
To elaborate, in Stern Bild, Yuri's powers are kind of ridiculous. He's got magic fire that's stronger than normal fire and lets him do all sorts of strange things. He's actually a threat to the Heroes, and in terms of NEXT power, he's got a pretty damn awesome one. In addition, he's also a bit of an arrogant jerkface. What this amounts to is that Yuri thinks he's rather unstoppable. There has been, after all, nothing that has seriously injured him in canon except H-01, and he's being played from before that point. Sure, Kotetsu punched him so hard that his mask cracked, but Yuri doesn't really consider Kotetsu to be a threat because...it's Kotetsu.
Furthermore, he also thinks that by being unstoppable, he's right. After all, if his justice was wrong, then there would have been something to stop him. Legend says to him, "Become someone strong who can punish evil." Someone who is strong is good and just. The strong, being strong, do not lose to evil but instead triumph over it. I believe that this line of thinking is also central to his idea of justice.
Having his concept of justice being proved right is also a big deal for him! After Jake was defeated, he says a line about how the fate of all evil was to be annihilated. Even though he didn't do anything but sit in that meeting and frown a lot, Jake was still defeated and killed because he was evil and weak. For Yuri, Jake's death only proved that his justice was correct.
What this all means is that these concepts of being strong, being right, and being just because one is strong and right are key to his idea of justice, which is key to his entire belief system. Being beaten, or even getting hurt, is a huge deal for him. (I think that Kotetsu managed to injure his mask was just as big of a factor in getting Yuri to start researching him as Kotetsu's ramblings about justice.) So dying is a big fucking deal for him because, well, dying is something that happens to other people, preferably the ones that he hunts down. People who are strong (and therefore right) don't die in battle. That's what happens to those whose justice is false.
But he did die! And the first time shook him really, really badly. At the same time, he's kind of told himself that he could have prevented death if he didn't stick around and watch the revival process because he wanted to see it happen with his own eyes. He's experienced for himself multiple times now, so there's no doubt in his mind that it is a thing, but, well... That brings up another set of problems.
Death as a Transient Experience
I have come to bring atonement upon evildoers, for their sins. (Ep. 8)
The voice of Thanatos shall release you from your dark curse and send you down the path of atonement and rebirth. (Ep. 16)
The quotes above show that Yuri, to some degree, believes that the only way a person can atone for their sins is through death. Death is permanent, final, and absolute. That's why, for those he deems to be sinners, it's the only end for them in his eyes. I read his killing of criminals not only as him believing that's what they deserve, but also because he thinks that he's...helping them by killing them. Death is the ultimate form of rehabilitation!
(As an aside, there was a translation from somewhere discussing how Yuri couldn't consolidate Legend the Hero and good father pre-power loss and Legend the abusive husband and father post-power loss. It makes me question if Yuri ever tried to justify his killing of Legend through the idea that by dying, Legend was being rehabilitated and "restored" to how he was before. By killing Legend, he's "purged the evil out of him", or something like that.)
In camp, death is transient. People die, then they respawn and carry on again. The power of death as a way to redeem/atone/rehabilitate sinners is gone because they don't stay dead. As such, part of the reason behind his killing is removed. Criminals still deserve to die, but death doesn't mean anything in camp. It's just a (painful) inconvenience. The other part of his reason for killing criminals is gone. THIS DISTURBS HIM GREATLY. This is also why he's really focused on getting a prison or something in camp, because WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE CRIMINALS ROAMING AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE and you can't even kill them permanently.
This is such a source of rage and misery for him that his scar probably becomes kind of visible under the make-up whenever he thinks about it.
Hisoka
Of course, the person responsible for his death and for proving that the dead do not remain dead in camp is Hisoka. Now, despite the fact that Hisoka killed him and all that, Yuri has no doubt in his mind that Hisoka is a criminal and sinner, and he's pretty sure that there would be almost no one who would disagree with him. Hisoka is worse than anyone else he has probably ever encountered in his career as a judge and as Lunatic. Hell, Jake Martinez would probably find Hisoka to be terrible. So the fact that this obvious sinner was the one who offed him is something that is deeply troubling and angering for Yuri. What does it mean when this obviously evil person is stronger than he is? What does it mean when that is placed within the context of stronger=right=just?
So after his first death, Yuri hated Hisoka and wanted nothing more than to find a way to off him permanently. At the same time, he knew that death was not permanent and that Hisoka's power was not something to toy with. But he couldn't just ignore him; that would be turning a blind eye to evil, which goes against his justice. Ideally, Yuri wanted to just keep sniping him from afar and then get the fuck out, but Hisoka was persistent and kept showing up when Yuri was in his civilian persona. To add insult to injury, Hisoka toyed with him, and the rage just kept building. Torn between the desire to JUSTICE Hisoka repeatedly and to stay the hell away from this dangerous person who would undoubtedly continue to toy with him and possibly ruin his identity, Yuri pretty much marked Hisoka down for THE WORST PERSON EVER and wanted to plot ways to ruin him.
And then the red threads came along.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
FUCKING RED THREADS
FIRST OFF, I'M SORRY FOR FAILING WITH THREADS ALL THE TIME, but after the whole incident, Yuri...was not a happy camper counselor. Repeatedly killing, being killed, and making out with the WORST PERSON EVER is pretty much as a big of a betrayal to his justice as there could possibly be. He knows that there was something influencing him, but it doesn't change the fact that he did all those things. Just like how the alcohol influenced his father, in fact! Just because Legend was drunk didn't change the fact that he did all those things. This was a parallel to his father that Yuri hoped to never achieve in his life, but it happened, and he hates himself for it.
He also hates Hisoka and camp for it, but it's not quite the same. I play Yuri as blaming his father for being weak enough to turn to alcohol in the first place, so blaming the influence of camp isn't something that sits well with him because he thinks that he was the one too weak to resist its influence in the first place. And Hisoka- Well, Hisoka is evil. If Yuri blames Hisoka (And he does), then he has to admit to himself that he was influenced by evil to do evil.
The fate of all evil is annihilation.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM
Now What?
FUCK IF I KNOW. I love torturing him, and I am overjoyed that he kind of has his entire view about himself and his justice broken in several places because I wanted someone to do that to him ALL DURING THE SHOW. (I am the worst person to be playing this character ever. WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO APP HIM?) Yuri is, right now, in a very delicate place mentally. Blaming camp is the easy way out and not acceptable, but...what to do when he's fallen influence under the same evil he's supposed to eliminate? What to do when he can't prove that his idea of justice may not be right? What to do when faced with the possibility that his justice is not absolute, not correct, and possibly just as false and weak as the justice of those who are wrong?
What should he do when he suddenly finds it hard to argue with the voice of his father that still haunts him?
In canon, he was visibly shaken and disturbed after H-01 kicked his ass with a simple (Comparatively speaking) shoulder injury. Maverick being defeated snapped him out of whatever daze he was in because it was proven to him again that evil is weak and will perish, which is why he suited up and burnt Maverick to prove his justice as being right. In camp, there has been no defeat of Hisoka because Hisoka can't be defeated. Even if he was, it still won't change the fact that Yuri allowed himself to fall under the influence of evil. There's not a lot of ways he can reach the level of denial needed to go back to normal without denying, at some level, that what he did to his father was not right.
And that's something he can't let himself do. But he doesn't know what to do either. So, for a little while, he will attempt to carry on as Judge Yuri Petrov as much as he can. He's not going to ignore Hisoka if he spots him nearby, but he...really wants nothing to do with him either. There's just so many contradictions between what he believes and what he feels that Yuri's going to be very torn and out of it for a while.
But for the sake of playability, I'm going to tone down his crisis so that he's...actually kind of recognizable and functional! I'm not good enough to play out all his trauma and internal struggle. I was barely able to work out the stuff I talked about in this post and get it down (WHICH IS WHY IT'S SO CRAPPY), so... I'm downplaying it a lot. Any kind of scenario he gets into is going to be decidedly more innocent and less outright traumatic. MORE CRACK, LESS TERRIBLE.
...I have no idea what I'm even talking about anymore. ESSAY'S OVER.
Thoughts/comments/critique/LALA YOU ARE DEHYDRATED AND HALLUCINATING THUNDER AND GUNSHOTS GO TO BED?
Either way, his father's silence makes it all to easy for Yuri to focus on the throbbing ache of his body and the faint cries of the residents as they tear one another apart. But pain and sounds of anguish are helpful distractions, cruel as they might be. They keep his focus off his own thoughts, off his own memories. He was not in his right mind; he had done things he would not have done; he had died, so many times, and he had actually enjoyed-
"Do you still believe your justice to be correct?" the specter of his father says.
"When will you leave me alone?!" Yuri yells in reply, standing straight and halting. His body screams with objection from the action, but he doesn't care-can't afford to care.
But there is no one there to hear him. The stalks of corn sway lazily in the night breeze, and the faint cries of fighting grow fainter, just for a moment. The moon is full and bright, casting its pale silver gaze across the fields. The November night is cool, edging on cold.
He is alone.
I am so bad at coherency, but I WILL TRY NONETHELESS. First, let's talk about death! And, specifically, how Yuri died lots of times during the event and how's he reacting.
NOT WELL.
Power, Justice, and the Meaning of Being Right
To elaborate, in Stern Bild, Yuri's powers are kind of ridiculous. He's got magic fire that's stronger than normal fire and lets him do all sorts of strange things. He's actually a threat to the Heroes, and in terms of NEXT power, he's got a pretty damn awesome one. In addition, he's also a bit of an arrogant jerkface. What this amounts to is that Yuri thinks he's rather unstoppable. There has been, after all, nothing that has seriously injured him in canon except H-01, and he's being played from before that point. Sure, Kotetsu punched him so hard that his mask cracked, but Yuri doesn't really consider Kotetsu to be a threat because...it's Kotetsu.
Furthermore, he also thinks that by being unstoppable, he's right. After all, if his justice was wrong, then there would have been something to stop him. Legend says to him, "Become someone strong who can punish evil." Someone who is strong is good and just. The strong, being strong, do not lose to evil but instead triumph over it. I believe that this line of thinking is also central to his idea of justice.
Having his concept of justice being proved right is also a big deal for him! After Jake was defeated, he says a line about how the fate of all evil was to be annihilated. Even though he didn't do anything but sit in that meeting and frown a lot, Jake was still defeated and killed because he was evil and weak. For Yuri, Jake's death only proved that his justice was correct.
What this all means is that these concepts of being strong, being right, and being just because one is strong and right are key to his idea of justice, which is key to his entire belief system. Being beaten, or even getting hurt, is a huge deal for him. (I think that Kotetsu managed to injure his mask was just as big of a factor in getting Yuri to start researching him as Kotetsu's ramblings about justice.) So dying is a big fucking deal for him because, well, dying is something that happens to other people, preferably the ones that he hunts down. People who are strong (and therefore right) don't die in battle. That's what happens to those whose justice is false.
But he did die! And the first time shook him really, really badly. At the same time, he's kind of told himself that he could have prevented death if he didn't stick around and watch the revival process because he wanted to see it happen with his own eyes. He's experienced for himself multiple times now, so there's no doubt in his mind that it is a thing, but, well... That brings up another set of problems.
Death as a Transient Experience
I have come to bring atonement upon evildoers, for their sins. (Ep. 8)
The voice of Thanatos shall release you from your dark curse and send you down the path of atonement and rebirth. (Ep. 16)
The quotes above show that Yuri, to some degree, believes that the only way a person can atone for their sins is through death. Death is permanent, final, and absolute. That's why, for those he deems to be sinners, it's the only end for them in his eyes. I read his killing of criminals not only as him believing that's what they deserve, but also because he thinks that he's...helping them by killing them. Death is the ultimate form of rehabilitation!
(As an aside, there was a translation from somewhere discussing how Yuri couldn't consolidate Legend the Hero and good father pre-power loss and Legend the abusive husband and father post-power loss. It makes me question if Yuri ever tried to justify his killing of Legend through the idea that by dying, Legend was being rehabilitated and "restored" to how he was before. By killing Legend, he's "purged the evil out of him", or something like that.)
In camp, death is transient. People die, then they respawn and carry on again. The power of death as a way to redeem/atone/rehabilitate sinners is gone because they don't stay dead. As such, part of the reason behind his killing is removed. Criminals still deserve to die, but death doesn't mean anything in camp. It's just a (painful) inconvenience. The other part of his reason for killing criminals is gone. THIS DISTURBS HIM GREATLY. This is also why he's really focused on getting a prison or something in camp, because WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE CRIMINALS ROAMING AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE and you can't even kill them permanently.
This is such a source of rage and misery for him that his scar probably becomes kind of visible under the make-up whenever he thinks about it.
Hisoka
Of course, the person responsible for his death and for proving that the dead do not remain dead in camp is Hisoka. Now, despite the fact that Hisoka killed him and all that, Yuri has no doubt in his mind that Hisoka is a criminal and sinner, and he's pretty sure that there would be almost no one who would disagree with him. Hisoka is worse than anyone else he has probably ever encountered in his career as a judge and as Lunatic. Hell, Jake Martinez would probably find Hisoka to be terrible. So the fact that this obvious sinner was the one who offed him is something that is deeply troubling and angering for Yuri. What does it mean when this obviously evil person is stronger than he is? What does it mean when that is placed within the context of stronger=right=just?
So after his first death, Yuri hated Hisoka and wanted nothing more than to find a way to off him permanently. At the same time, he knew that death was not permanent and that Hisoka's power was not something to toy with. But he couldn't just ignore him; that would be turning a blind eye to evil, which goes against his justice. Ideally, Yuri wanted to just keep sniping him from afar and then get the fuck out, but Hisoka was persistent and kept showing up when Yuri was in his civilian persona. To add insult to injury, Hisoka toyed with him, and the rage just kept building. Torn between the desire to JUSTICE Hisoka repeatedly and to stay the hell away from this dangerous person who would undoubtedly continue to toy with him and possibly ruin his identity, Yuri pretty much marked Hisoka down for THE WORST PERSON EVER and wanted to plot ways to ruin him.
And then the red threads came along.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
FUCKING RED THREADS
FIRST OFF, I'M SORRY FOR FAILING WITH THREADS ALL THE TIME, but after the whole incident, Yuri...was not a happy camper counselor. Repeatedly killing, being killed, and making out with the WORST PERSON EVER is pretty much as a big of a betrayal to his justice as there could possibly be. He knows that there was something influencing him, but it doesn't change the fact that he did all those things. Just like how the alcohol influenced his father, in fact! Just because Legend was drunk didn't change the fact that he did all those things. This was a parallel to his father that Yuri hoped to never achieve in his life, but it happened, and he hates himself for it.
He also hates Hisoka and camp for it, but it's not quite the same. I play Yuri as blaming his father for being weak enough to turn to alcohol in the first place, so blaming the influence of camp isn't something that sits well with him because he thinks that he was the one too weak to resist its influence in the first place. And Hisoka- Well, Hisoka is evil. If Yuri blames Hisoka (And he does), then he has to admit to himself that he was influenced by evil to do evil.
The fate of all evil is annihilation.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM
Now What?
FUCK IF I KNOW. I love torturing him, and I am overjoyed that he kind of has his entire view about himself and his justice broken in several places because I wanted someone to do that to him ALL DURING THE SHOW. (I am the worst person to be playing this character ever. WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO APP HIM?) Yuri is, right now, in a very delicate place mentally. Blaming camp is the easy way out and not acceptable, but...what to do when he's fallen influence under the same evil he's supposed to eliminate? What to do when he can't prove that his idea of justice may not be right? What to do when faced with the possibility that his justice is not absolute, not correct, and possibly just as false and weak as the justice of those who are wrong?
What should he do when he suddenly finds it hard to argue with the voice of his father that still haunts him?
In canon, he was visibly shaken and disturbed after H-01 kicked his ass with a simple (Comparatively speaking) shoulder injury. Maverick being defeated snapped him out of whatever daze he was in because it was proven to him again that evil is weak and will perish, which is why he suited up and burnt Maverick to prove his justice as being right. In camp, there has been no defeat of Hisoka because Hisoka can't be defeated. Even if he was, it still won't change the fact that Yuri allowed himself to fall under the influence of evil. There's not a lot of ways he can reach the level of denial needed to go back to normal without denying, at some level, that what he did to his father was not right.
And that's something he can't let himself do. But he doesn't know what to do either. So, for a little while, he will attempt to carry on as Judge Yuri Petrov as much as he can. He's not going to ignore Hisoka if he spots him nearby, but he...really wants nothing to do with him either. There's just so many contradictions between what he believes and what he feels that Yuri's going to be very torn and out of it for a while.
But for the sake of playability, I'm going to tone down his crisis so that he's...actually kind of recognizable and functional! I'm not good enough to play out all his trauma and internal struggle. I was barely able to work out the stuff I talked about in this post and get it down (WHICH IS WHY IT'S SO CRAPPY), so... I'm downplaying it a lot. Any kind of scenario he gets into is going to be decidedly more innocent and less outright traumatic. MORE CRACK, LESS TERRIBLE.
...I have no idea what I'm even talking about anymore. ESSAY'S OVER.
Thoughts/comments/critique/LALA YOU ARE DEHYDRATED AND HALLUCINATING THUNDER AND GUNSHOTS GO TO BED?