On Writing
More pontificating on the joys & frustrations of writing.
Sometimes when I read, whether it be from a book, a magazine, or fan fiction, I come away from it feeling changed. Almost always this change is a positive one. The words I have just consumed have opened up a door inside me, offering fresh glimpses of the world, how it works, & how other people see it. I think, "I can do this, I can wield this power. I can use it to create something fantastic, something of which I can be proud." So I'll sit at my laptop brimming with anticipation, the confidence swelling in me like the cork on a champagne bottle ready to pop. For 20 minutes, or maybe a half hour if I'm lucky (an hour would be a gift), I will ride this wave. The words will come spilling out exactly the way I want them to. The ideas that I have struggled with will disengage from my brain and appear on the page as if by magic. Those words provide fulfillment, satisfaction, and give me purpose because I put them there; I gave them life. I relish these moments. I treasure them, because of late they are few and far between.
But time is my enemy. Eventually it will sneak in, look over my shoulder and whisper in my ear: "Enjoy it while you can." This happens at the very instant when I feel I could lose myself completely in the pleasure of writing. Then that enjoyment is yanked away. Reality intrudes with its traffic noise, attention-seeking cats, swollen feet, temptations of caffeine & salty, fattening snacks, neighbors banging things around, and wind howling through the trees. I feel deflated, sad, and even silly for having allowed myself that brief respite, when there are so many other things to be done.
Even if I choose to fight this intrusion, which I usually will, the magic is gone. The words must be pried loose while the once-coherent ideas are now fragmented and confusing. Scenes refuse to flow together. Characters will not do what I want them to do. I question what I've already written. Lately there have been instances where I've considered scrapping the work entirely. Those are painful, frustrating moments.
Sometimes music will help stave it off, keeping the scattered pieces of thought together long enough for me to find an appropriate stopping point. But it doesn't eliminate the pressure of time. Time is a constant. There is no way to slow it down, or freeze it to allow a couple more precious hours in the day. How I envy Hermione & her Time-Turner in situations like this!
I very much want to be a person perfectly in control of my priorities; someone well able to manage the responsibilities and trials of real life without it infringing on whatever time there is left for personal interests. Others seem to manage well enough, so why is it that I find this skill so difficult to master?
Meanwhile, Rose, Scorpius, and Lily II are sitting around idly waiting for me to let them play. Not to mention Harry & Ginny, followed by Sirius, Remus, James & Lily right behind them...*sigh*
ETA: Just a reminder, I'm writing for the help_haiti auction. Link is HERE in case you're interested in placing a bid. Thanks!!
*Auctions close on Wednesday, 1/20.
Sometimes when I read, whether it be from a book, a magazine, or fan fiction, I come away from it feeling changed. Almost always this change is a positive one. The words I have just consumed have opened up a door inside me, offering fresh glimpses of the world, how it works, & how other people see it. I think, "I can do this, I can wield this power. I can use it to create something fantastic, something of which I can be proud." So I'll sit at my laptop brimming with anticipation, the confidence swelling in me like the cork on a champagne bottle ready to pop. For 20 minutes, or maybe a half hour if I'm lucky (an hour would be a gift), I will ride this wave. The words will come spilling out exactly the way I want them to. The ideas that I have struggled with will disengage from my brain and appear on the page as if by magic. Those words provide fulfillment, satisfaction, and give me purpose because I put them there; I gave them life. I relish these moments. I treasure them, because of late they are few and far between.
But time is my enemy. Eventually it will sneak in, look over my shoulder and whisper in my ear: "Enjoy it while you can." This happens at the very instant when I feel I could lose myself completely in the pleasure of writing. Then that enjoyment is yanked away. Reality intrudes with its traffic noise, attention-seeking cats, swollen feet, temptations of caffeine & salty, fattening snacks, neighbors banging things around, and wind howling through the trees. I feel deflated, sad, and even silly for having allowed myself that brief respite, when there are so many other things to be done.
Even if I choose to fight this intrusion, which I usually will, the magic is gone. The words must be pried loose while the once-coherent ideas are now fragmented and confusing. Scenes refuse to flow together. Characters will not do what I want them to do. I question what I've already written. Lately there have been instances where I've considered scrapping the work entirely. Those are painful, frustrating moments.
Sometimes music will help stave it off, keeping the scattered pieces of thought together long enough for me to find an appropriate stopping point. But it doesn't eliminate the pressure of time. Time is a constant. There is no way to slow it down, or freeze it to allow a couple more precious hours in the day. How I envy Hermione & her Time-Turner in situations like this!
I very much want to be a person perfectly in control of my priorities; someone well able to manage the responsibilities and trials of real life without it infringing on whatever time there is left for personal interests. Others seem to manage well enough, so why is it that I find this skill so difficult to master?
Meanwhile, Rose, Scorpius, and Lily II are sitting around idly waiting for me to let them play. Not to mention Harry & Ginny, followed by Sirius, Remus, James & Lily right behind them...*sigh*
ETA: Just a reminder, I'm writing for the help_haiti auction. Link is HERE in case you're interested in placing a bid. Thanks!!
*Auctions close on Wednesday, 1/20.