[[SCENE:]] Jake and Lana in "Chili Challenge No. 4"
((this scene is probably best enjoyed with a theme song))
Click to viewJake: *It's well past closing time at the Rusty Gust. The patrons have been cleared out, Maggey and the kitchen staff have gone home to sleep, all the chairs have been flipped upside-down and put up on the round tables, and the lights on the broken jukebox have been turned off. Jake stands by the piano, looking over the wall with various western themed knick-knacks hung up on it -- a bull skull, a lasso, a bit and bridle, a horse shoe, a wooden road sign... and an extra set of the maid-like waitress uniform.*
Jake: *looks back at Lana with a grin* C'mon, now. Don't be shy. You'd look cute in that thing.
Lana: *Lana says nothing, looking to the wall out of the corner of her eye, never turning her face from Jake* Regardless. *she looks back at him, her expression not so much shy as resolute* Since you enjoy the idea s much, I'll take your wager - but my condition is that, if I win, then you have to wear it. *smiles wryly* I trust that sounds fair to you.
Jake: Me? *turns to face her, amused* If you're into that sorta thing, ya coulda told me before. Just sayin'.
Lana: I feel as if I could say much the same to you. *sighs amusedly, looking around* I take it you agree to my terms?
Jake: All right. *a confident smile as he steps towards the kitchen* Photography allowed?
Lana: *smiles, taking a seat on one of the stools at the bar* If I win, I fully intend to record it.
Jake: Don't get yer hopes up. *goes into the kitchen. When he comes back out, he's got the last portion of the Gust's famous chili con carne in a bread bowl on a plate.* Don't know why you'd sooner go through hell than put that on.
Lana: It comes down to a choice between both or neither; I don't have to do either, after all. *takes her spoon and considers the chili; she's heard the stories, and seen people buckle under it; she knows her chances are not great* How long do I have?
Jake: *sets it in front of her and makes careful little adjustments so the plate and bowl are perfectly centered, making a big show of it* Six minutes. Any more and this stuff eats right through the dish.
Lana: *nods* Do I get anything to drink, or just grin and bear it?
Jake: Shore thing. Wouldn't send anyone off to the desert without a canteen. What do you need?
Lana: *considers for a moment; milk might turn in her stomach with chili this strong* Icewater.
Jake: *as he opens up the freezer for some ice cubes, he teases* Not too late to raise the white flag. It'll save you some grief.
Lana: *rests her chin on her palm and watches him* If it becomes necessary, I'll do just that. I have no intention of embarrassing myself.
Jake: *retrieves the ice and fills a tall glass with it, then moves to the sink* Of course. You're no Edgeworth.
Lana: *she's gently stirring the chili, knowing that she'll be able to stand the spice better if it's not boiling hot, too* Edgeworth did this? Why?
Jake: *fills the glass with water and brings it to Lana* Who can say? Maybe he felt like he had somethin' to prove. Maybe he just wanted to win. Maybe he wanted to show off in front o' his friends... *sets down the water* ...but if anyone else asks, say he wanted to save seven bucks. Makes fer a better tale.
Lana: All right. Seven dollars, then... *a thought occurs to her, and she deadpans when she looks up at him* I don't have my wallet on me.
Jake: *grins* I accept other forms of payment.
Lana: As I thought. *looks down at the chili, takes her first spoonful, and eats it - the flavor is good, savory and rich, just like she would have imagined him liking, but it is hot and she knows, in that first bite, that she's already lost*
Jake: *without a word, he watches her take on the chili, and from the look on his face he's clearly entertained*
Lana: *swallows, taking a sip of water and then another spoonful and then another sip* ...I'm not going to be able to do this.
Jake: *motions with his hand for her to keep going*
Lana: *shakes her head, smiles, and tears off a piece of the bread bowl, dipping it in the chili* No - I know my limits, and I plan to spend the next five and a half minutes relatively comfortably. It's very good.
Jake: You've barely put a dent in the thing, baby! *disappointed that she didn't put up a greater fight, but he expected something like this* No mind -- this means I win.
Lana: *takes a bit out of the soaked bread, and then another sip of water, her expression unwaveringly warm* Now, I didn't say I wasn't going to eat it - it's too good to let go to waste. I'm just going to eat it at my own pace. More, you won't win for several more minutes.
Jake: Ya got me there. *leans an arm against the counter* You take yer time and enjoy it. It's from a recipe I put together myself, perfected over the course of several years through trial 'n' error.
Lana: *nods, taking another spoonful and another sip; it's not so hot that it's unenjoyable, so long as you aren't trying to finish it too quickly* It tastes like something you would make. ...What kind of trial and error?
Jake: Fer starters, there wasn't no recipe to begin with. *shrugs* First time I made it, I was feelin' a might peckish, so I made do with what I had and put everythin' that seemed right into a pot. That's how they did things on the range.
Lana: I would imagine so. *glances at her watch - about four minutes left*
Jake: Hardest part was makin' it red enough. And uh, thick. *pauses* Ketchup did the trick good.
Lana: Ketchup? *looks down and takes note of the tomato chunks in the chili and finds herself thankful she's having it this late in the recipe's life* Did that stay in for very long?
Jake: Ditched it about the third or fourth time I tried makin' it, when I finally got my hands on some air-tights of tomatoes. That made it nice 'n' red, but not thick enough... And that's when the molasses came in.
Lana: Ahhh. *takes another spoonful, but swallows it to quickly and nearly coughs when it burns her throat, taking a gulp of water* Has it always been this hot?
Jake: See, fer that fifth incarnation, I had to keep addin' spices upon spices to counteract all the sugar. *clicks his tongue* The molasses had to go, but the spices stayed.
Lana: *tears off a piece of the bread and chews on that, working the spice off her tongue as best she can* You just like it hot?
Jake: You know I don't like bland foods. If I'm gonna be consumin' anything, I wanna be able to feel it. *points to the chili* I don't call this thing "famous" for no reason. Havin' it should be an experience people remember the Gust by.
Lana: Well, I know I'm going to remember it. *dips another piece - she's feeling the heat a bit more, but she's got a rhythm going where she can eat it comfortably - over the course of maybe twenty minutes* Does everyone who tries it take the challenge?
Jake: Nope. The challenge ain't even written on the menu, after all. Open only to those who've heard of it through the grapevine, or from yours truly. *stands up straight and glances at the clock* I could be changin' on the rules each time, and no one'd be the wiser.
Lana: *considers that for a second and then looks at him appraisingly, her smile lopsided, almost a grin* Have you ever done that?
Jake: *acting as though appalled* What kinda man do you take me for? I'm no mudsill slicker! Of course I ain't done that. *looks off to the side, his tone implying something*... But no two chilis are exactly the same.
Lana: Of course not. *eats the chili-soaked bread, which falls apart in her mouth* Any other notable people who've taken this challenge, aside from Edgeworth?
Jake: A ol' pilgrim stepped into this saloon not long ago... One who runs with the herd you used to look over. *focuses his sights on her, waiting for a reaction* Spectacles as thick as soda bottles. Salt water pourin' from his head.
Lana: Winston Payne? In here?
Jake: Didja read his electronic journal? His wife's off at her momma's, and he don't know how to feed 'imself. *shakes his head* That one-horse man's same he ever was. Easy to put a smile on for 'im, 'til he started flappin' his gums.
Lana: *grimaces, idly eating another bite and not-so-idly remembering what she's eating* He only ever was an unimpressive little man... but I remember him as a sycophant,more than anything else. Did he say something to you?
Jake: Hmm. Where to begin, where to begin... ah, well. He thinks my accent's fake, fer starters. *doesn't roll his eyes, but the sentiment is there in his tone*
Lana: Mmm. You'd think a prosecutor would get around enough to know when things are real or not. *idly stirs her chili, getting more cool air into it*
Jake: *lowers his head and his voice* Then he shot his mouth off 'bout Neil.
Lana: *stops dead, looking up at him in abject shock, one hand rising to her chest - and then regains her composure, though her question is still tinted* ...Did you hurt him?
Jake: Oh, I let it slide... far as he knows. *grins* The chili I gave 'im was 2-alarm. He wasn't informed of it.
Lana: ...What did you put in it?
Jake: *playfully* What are you implyin'? I didn't do nothin'.
Lana: *matching his tone* Well, all right - I suppose if it wasn't in the news, it couldn't have been too bad.
Jake: *chuckles* You ain't gonna turn me in?
Lana: Well.... if I did, I suppose I wouldn't be reneging if I backed out on the bet...
Jake: *still grinning* Baby, if you'd been there to hear what he said about Neil, I figure you'd be in a peck o' trouble with the authorities right about now.
Lana: *nonchalantly* I probably would have broken something. *takes another bite* Or force-fed him your real recipe.
Jake: *rests his hand on the counter and leans towards her* Six years, and you still know how to charm me.
Lana: *smiles unironically* I like to think we are both practically minded people.
Jake: What was it like bein' able to direct him and every other prosecutor there? *peers down at the bowl as he talks*
Lana: ...I never really noticed it. *takes another bite of bread, looking down at it so that she's not looking at him* I never really noticed anything, for a few years. It was all mechanical to me.
Jake: Ah. *looks at her, even if she's not looking at him* All of it?
Lana: All of it. *sips from her water and glancing at her watch - she has maybe thirty seconds left, at this point* So long as I was in that office.
Jake: *straightens up and steps around to the other side of the counter* What about when you went home... When you were with Ema?
Lana: Not then, no - she was the only person I felt safe around, for a while. *another sip as she considers* I've been thinking about going and talking to Gant, to ask him why. I thought I would ask you if it was a good idea.
Jake: *stops in his tracks a foot away from her* Talking to Gant?! Are you outta yer-- *calms himself before continuing* What for?
Lana: Because I have to know; I thought I knew him, once, as a good man. So either I was wrong, oor that man died at some point. *looks over her shoulder at him* In either case, I want to know why. Why, for all he did to no end.
Jake: *casts his gaze to the floor contemplatively for a few beats before he looks up at her again* Best to go straight to the source rather than mull over it with no real answers. You're more than capable of handlin' an ol' dog who's about to be put down... *stepping up to her, he puts a hand on her shoulder* ...even if ain't capable of handlin' my chili in six minutes.
Lana: ... *sets the spoon back in the bowl* Can we put it in the fridge? I'd like to finish it later.
Jake: Shore thing. But, first... *nudges a thumb towards the wall*
Lana: *looks over and winces* ...Are you sure it will fit me? I have no idea how to put it on.
Jake: *walks over to the wall, sounding very pleased with his victory* Oh, I'll lend a hand.
Lana: *sighs resolutely, rising from the barstool and walking in his footsteps* I had a feeling you would. Should we do this in the back?
Jake: But of course! *stops at the wall, reaches up -- and removes the bit and bridle set, taking it to her with a sly smile*
Lana: *she takes it from him and looks at it - not only is it sized right, but the steel bit is wrapped in leather, meant for a person to bite - which makes her wonder how long he's been meaning to do this. She looks at him and raises an eyebrow in humorous appreciation* ...Ready to ride, cowboy?
Jake: *sounding far too excited about this, he moves towards the backstage, a spring in his steps* Hi-ho Silver, away!
Lana: *following after him, she experimentally takes a bite on the bit, which is comfortable enough. Realizing what this may lead to, she unknots her scarf* You're eager today. Has nobody been putting water in your trough?
Jake: *happily opens the door, and for once, he doesn't beat around the bush* It's you in a bridle. Of course I'm gonna be fired-up.
Lana: All right. *steps through the door, turning the bridle in her hands, looking at Jake and shaking her head* All right - let's get to it.
Jake: What? What's that look for?
Lana: *smiles* A man who knows just what he wants - and how to get it. Now come on, help me put this on.
Jake: *grins* Will do. *starts whistling the theme song to "Rawhide" and shuts the door behind them*