My Slave YAOI chapter 32
a/n ok, i'll give you guys the same warning that i gave those on wingln: really BAD chapter, read at own risk!!! ok maybe not that bad , it just hurt me to write it.
i'm just in an ocean of deep blue loneliness...
i don't know how...i can't move forward and come to a halt.
fragments of lis fall away, I crush them, the blood trickles down.
dark in my mind...i hide in weakness, there's no way out...I bear this anguish. This parched world is at a standstill. I seek in the darkness the withered emotions deep in my heart. I can't see the light, here is no light
I keep wandering in the valley of dreams, I can't see the light. Darkness on my eyes. I can't see yesterday, today not even tommorrow. I can't see the light, searching for the answer.
Where...where in the world should i go? I can't see the light
If I touch it, it will break immediatly. I don't need things like this fleeting kindness, lie to me. The door to my heavu heart is still closed, I can't breathe...struggling in agony.
I just...I now give myself up to this weakness...with the sin of egoism. I seek in the dark, a fortress, completely shrouded in shadows. I can't see the light, here is no light. I close my eyes and smile, I can't see the light. Darkness on my eyes.
The feelings that have bent to and fro are hindering me, I can't see the light. I..I..I can't see the answer admist this dipair. I can't see the light.
Raindrops fall from heaven, I could'nt remember, they take away my misery. It's raining in my heart, my stupid broken heart, baby, please don't go. no light no sound.
Song: Darkness Eyes by Tvxq/THSK
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Somtimes, emotional abuse is far worse than physical abuse...
School wed.
Jaejoong's pov
Going to my desk, with Yunho behind me, I paused by Hankyung on the way. "Wheres sungmin?" Not really expecting an answer, because I already knew. Hankyung winked at me, I smiled back at him and with a nudge from Yunho, I contuined to my seat. I had started to feel irratated with Yunho. His behaviour towards me has gotten worse. I can't do anything right, and everything that I say is wrong or a lie, at least thats what he tells me. We haven't had sex for two days, the first night my choice, the second, I really don't know. I just feel like somethings wrong, really wrong with us. We where fine until Hankyung came, I'm not placing blame on Hankyung, but Yunho had started acting this way when He and Sungmin arrived. He's angry all the time now and he doesn't talk to me much. I'm almost afraid to speak to him, to scared he would start yelling at me again. He doesn't touch me, it's like I'm contaminated, and he's afraid of getting infected.
Breathing in deep to clear my thoughts, I turned to Yunho. "Yunho? What are we doing this weekend?" I only asked to be able to speak to him. He didn't even look at me, just said, "Nothing." Like that,all flat and kept looking forward. I tried again, only this time I asked the wrong question to him, "Yunho, what's wrong with you?" He turned to me, the anger evident on his face. I shrank back in my seat from the look on his face. "Is there something wrong with me. Can you be more dense? Are you sure your not mental or something? Do you need me to spell it out to you...ok I will S..l..u..t. There now you know." I was shocked by his reply, tears coming to my eyes. "Yunho, why are you being this way? What have I done to you for you to treat me this way?" He turns from me and didn't answer. But I could feel him reiging in his temper. How can I fix this before its out of control? My mind numb from his words, my heart hurting from his lack of caring.
Yunho's pov
What is wrong with me?! I keep hurting the one I love. But everytime I look at him, I see the way he ran to Hankyung, clinging onto him. I see him kissing this man that is not me, and I want to puke everytime my mind replays the scene. My friends had seen Jae and this guy flirt in front of me, they had come to my desk, crowding in around me, talking about them. It was Yoochun who had finally spoken up, "Yunho, you need to do something about that. Go get Jae away from him." He had said waving his hand in their direction. He had meant to only help, but it just ticked me off more, watching them together. They where all over each other, like, long lost lovers. Then I think back to that day in the lunchroom.
fb- Junsu asked, "Did you have a special someone that you left behind?" Jae had looked at me before answering, "well, yes theres one guy. We never dated or anything. He never knew I liked him other than just a friend. We where close friends and thats all that came of it." end of fb.
I know Hankyung is that special someone, and I felt uncontrolable jealousy run through me. Everytime I see them talking, I wondered how long it would be before Jae would want to know what it felt like to be with him, like he is with me. Grinding my teeth, I could't stand that thought. Just the image that comes to my mind of the two of them in bed together, makes me sick to my stomache, and I would get even more angry. I haven't talked to Jae much, to afraid of saying something that would be more damaging to us.
The few times I had talked to Jae, I had said things to him, that later I regretted. And I would regret even more when I see Jaes hurt face. But I couldn't stop myself, couldn't control what I was saying to him. I know I'm hurting him emotionaly, but I COULD NOT STOP. Jae had just asked what was wrong with me again. What? Can't he see? Can he not see what he does to me everytime he looks at that other guy. After answering him, I see his lips tremble and his eyes redden. Damn! I did it again! I looked to the front and didn't say anything when he asked what he had done wrong. How can I tell him that I'm so jealous of his friendship with the new guy, that I didn't even want him coming to school anymore. Just to keep him from seeing him.
I clench my hands into fist when Hankyung turns to look at Jaejoong. I grit my teeth harder when I see the small smile Jae gives him. I'm so into my own world of anger, that I didn't see the worried looks my friends was giving me and Jae.
Later...Gym class
Yunho's pov
In the swimming pool with the other students, I watch across the pool. I watch as Jae and Hankyung laugh and tease each other. I'm already so mad, I couldn't hardly stand myself. I was surpried the water around me wasn't boiling. I stand there and stare hard at Jae, willing him to look up at me. He's been advoiding me since this morining, staying by Hankyungs side all day. Still watching them, I see Jae reach up and push the hair out of the taller boys face. Hankyung was smiling down at Jae, running his fingers through his hair. He leaned down and whispered something in Jaes ear, Jae looked up at him smiling and shaking his head yes. My eyes narrowed into slits when I see Jae reach out and take the others hand, then the handholding turned into a hug. Seething now, I see thier naked chest press together and Jae lays his head on Hankyungs shoulder. It only lasted for a second, but it had lasting effects on me. I feel my breathing increase, my hands are in fists, again. THAT JAEJOONG IS CHEATING ON ME!!! This though kept running through my mind, even thougha small voice kept saying, "How's that possible, he's always with you." I wasn't listing, just to focoused on the scene playing out in front of me. They had been all touchy feely since Monday, when Jae was reunited with his 'past love'. Gritting my teeth harder, I feel wave after wave of hatred for that Hankyung wash over me. And Jae, the pain in my heart turned to a white hot anger as I watch him flirt and give Hankyung all his special shy smiles. He's only supposed to smile at me like that!
The teacher blew the whistle and the class made thier way to the locker rooms to shower and change. Pulling myself out of the water I walk to the shower room, intending to talk to Jae. I walk to our shower that we use, the very last one, and pulled back the curtain. There stood Jae and Hankyung, naked showering together. I see red and I feel myself loose control. Pointing at Hankyung, "You, out. Now!"
Jae's Pov
I'm looking at Yunho with frightened eyes and Hankyung looks at me, asking me if I would be ok. I slowly nodd my head while watching Yunho. "Go now, Hankyung, please." Hankyung walked and grabbed his towel and left.I see Yunho pulling the curtain to, and slowly walking over to me. "So, now your chaeating on me?" I backed up from him, "N..no..Y..yunho, its not how it looks. You know I've only slept with you. You where my first, please Yunho." I'm shaking,and all I can see is the blind fury on Yunho's face. I feel him slap me across the cheek, and my head jerks to the side,with a shaking hand, I touch my burning cheek. Looking at Yunho with a stunned face, I felt fear claw at me.
Yunho reachs out and jerks my head back by my hair, "You are cheating on me. You whore, how dare you cheat on me!!" My body shaking hard and I'm gasping as the tears roll down my cheeks. "No! Yunho, I'm not cheating, please. Don't ...don't!" I was lifted and he wrapped my legs around his waist, impailing me in one thrust. "YUNHO STOP PLEASE YOUR HURTING ME!!" I cried out. My body jerking from the pain that he was inflicting upon me. I struggled with him, hitting his chest as he plunges in me. "NO...No...NOOOO!!!!" I could feel myself tareing as he raped me. But he went on his hand leaving my waist to cover my mouth so only whimpers where heard. Shaking my head at him hard, I tried to remove his hand. No No . Yunho, why are you doing this. It was nothing. NOTHING. My mind screamed as I gave in fighting and hung limply on him, my arms hanging down his back. My tears pouring down his back as I cried. Yunho was still telling what a whore I am and I felt my heart ripp. Is it possible to die from a broken heart? Now I knew he never loved me, was just using me. Yunho finished ,pulled out,letting me go and I fell limply to the floor. Curling in a fetal position, I buried my head, not looking at him as he took his towel. Wrapping it aroung his waist he left, pulling the curtain as he went. I layed there bleeding from the abuse he put on me, and cried,for how long, I don't know. I just knew that I was hurt, not only physcially but a lot more emotianly. So much more emoitioaly hurt than physical.L knew that even though he did this to me, I still loved him. "Yunho, come back...don't leave me like this...come back...hold me...tell me you didn't mean it...Yunho." I layed in the shower stall with the water spray hitting the floor. I felt sick and vomited, I layed there watching the putried mass going down the drain. My arms wrapped around myself my sobbs racking my body.Laying there until my crying ceased I slowly lifted myself up,gasping at the pain that lanced thorugh me, I made my way to the lockers and got dressed.