Dark Surrounds Me Part 1
Dark Surrounding Me
Three fifty-six a.m. The glaring red numbers on the clock glowed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, with a huge black T-shirt and a pair of loose boxers on, I slumped and wondered, for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, 'Where is Yunho?'
On one hand, I'm glad he's not home, on the other, well, there is no other. I'm just glad he's not home, yet.
He's probably out with girls having a good fuck. Good. At least he wasn't home bothering me. Yes, that's right, I hold no love for my husband.
I used to love him, until he lifted his hand against me. He beat the love out of me.
So, no I wasn't worried about him coming home late, just the fact that he WILL be coming home.
Why am I still with him?
I tried to leave him...once.
He found me...and brought me home, then proceeded to beat the living hell out of me. He beat me so bad that I couldn't leave the house for almost a month.
I lifted my hand and touched my face, winching at the tenderness still there from the two and three day old bruises, that have turned pink, purple and blue. My breath left me in a shudder as I remember Yunho delivering the punches and slaps that covered my face. I closed my eyes and took deep,calming breaths.
Slowly, I brought my hand to lay on my swollen belly. Six months pregnant. I rubbed my belly in soothing circles, just thankful that the baby inside of me couldn't feel the pain that I felt.
Did me being pregnant stop Yunho? No, it didn't. As a matter of fact, the pregnancy is one of the reasons that started the whole Yunho abusing me thing.
Yunho and I had loved each other in the beginning of our marriage. I loved him so much, he was my other half. He loved me and showed me every night, with gentle caresses and he would love me so thoroughly , so that it would never cross my mind that he didn't love me.
Then one day...
I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I cheated...
I cheated on Yunho...
He walked in on me cheating on him...
with his brother.
I often wondered why he didn't just divorce me, instead of keeping me in this daily hell that I'm going through.
Now, the thought of leaving didn't cross my mind like it once had. I was too afraid of Yunho and what he would do. He told me flat out when we found out that I was pregnant that if I tried to leave he would see to it that I lost the baby. He said he had ways of making me abort or miscarry.
I was terrified for the unborn child. Yunho never hit me in the stomach, but, that didn't mean the rest of my body was off limits to him.
No, it's not what your thinking. It's Yunho's. He just doesn't believe that it's his. He thinks that I've been cheating on him the whole time we've been married. That's not true. It only happened the one time, and Yunho caught us at it.
I had been weak. I knew I shouldn't have let him in the house without Yunho there. I knew that he had a thing for me. What I didn't know was that he would force himself on me.
Yes, he forced himself on me. I know I said that I cheated on Yunho, but, I didn't CHEAT on him in the sense that I wanted what was happing to me. Just that I was been taken by someone who wasn't my husband. I know that it wasn't my fault, but, still I felt guilty, until Yunho changed.
Now, I just try not to make him angry at me. That was not hard for him. Looking at me made him angry. Seeing my belly getting bigger made him angry. He was uncontrollable at times. His rage going out of bounds and hitting me until I lost conciseness.
I had no feelings left for Yunho in my cold, withered heart...
...no that's not true...
I know I said that I didn't love him...
...but, I still do. After everything he's done to me, I still love him. There's this part of my heart that won't let go of him.
Now, I know why the abuse stays with the abuser.
I live with it everyday.
Everytime Yunho slaps me,punches me, or rapes me, I feel like a little part of my heart dies, but I still hold on to the part that still loves him. I know that one day he will destroy all my heart until there is nothing left for me to feel, but, until then, I will love him. Pathetic, huh.
I gasped when I hear the key turning in the lock. My eyes goes to the door of our bedroom, waiting until he came in.
I hear his heavy footsteps echoing down the hall, and I feel tiny shivers of fear go down my back. I somehow knew tonight was going to be different. Tonight was going to be worse than before. So much worse than before.
I whimper when I see his shadow fall across our bedroom door and he enters.
He has the demons of hell burning in his eyes and the look he sends me terrifies me even more. I start shaking and I clench my hands together over my stomach.
He glares at me, "Wife, are you not going to properly welcome your husband home?" Yunho sneers the word wife and I bite my lip as I clumsily get to my feet. My rounded belly making it awkward for me to move around as feely as I once did.
I walked, slowly, over to Yunho, coming to a stop in front of him. I lowered my eyes, not wanting to see the hate there, "Welcome home, Yunho." I whispered, my heart thumping madly in my chest, my stomach tied in knots.
Three fifty-six a.m. The glaring red numbers on the clock glowed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, with a huge black T-shirt and a pair of loose boxers on, I slumped and wondered, for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, 'Where is Yunho?'
On one hand, I'm glad he's not home, on the other, well, there is no other. I'm just glad he's not home, yet.
He's probably out with girls having a good fuck. Good. At least he wasn't home bothering me. Yes, that's right, I hold no love for my husband.
I used to love him, until he lifted his hand against me. He beat the love out of me.
So, no I wasn't worried about him coming home late, just the fact that he WILL be coming home.
Why am I still with him?
I tried to leave him...once.
He found me...and brought me home, then proceeded to beat the living hell out of me. He beat me so bad that I couldn't leave the house for almost a month.
I lifted my hand and touched my face, winching at the tenderness still there from the two and three day old bruises, that have turned pink, purple and blue. My breath left me in a shudder as I remember Yunho delivering the punches and slaps that covered my face. I closed my eyes and took deep,calming breaths.
Slowly, I brought my hand to lay on my swollen belly. Six months pregnant. I rubbed my belly in soothing circles, just thankful that the baby inside of me couldn't feel the pain that I felt.
Did me being pregnant stop Yunho? No, it didn't. As a matter of fact, the pregnancy is one of the reasons that started the whole Yunho abusing me thing.
Yunho and I had loved each other in the beginning of our marriage. I loved him so much, he was my other half. He loved me and showed me every night, with gentle caresses and he would love me so thoroughly , so that it would never cross my mind that he didn't love me.
Then one day...
I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I cheated...
I cheated on Yunho...
He walked in on me cheating on him...
with his brother.
I often wondered why he didn't just divorce me, instead of keeping me in this daily hell that I'm going through.
Now, the thought of leaving didn't cross my mind like it once had. I was too afraid of Yunho and what he would do. He told me flat out when we found out that I was pregnant that if I tried to leave he would see to it that I lost the baby. He said he had ways of making me abort or miscarry.
I was terrified for the unborn child. Yunho never hit me in the stomach, but, that didn't mean the rest of my body was off limits to him.
No, it's not what your thinking. It's Yunho's. He just doesn't believe that it's his. He thinks that I've been cheating on him the whole time we've been married. That's not true. It only happened the one time, and Yunho caught us at it.
I had been weak. I knew I shouldn't have let him in the house without Yunho there. I knew that he had a thing for me. What I didn't know was that he would force himself on me.
Yes, he forced himself on me. I know I said that I cheated on Yunho, but, I didn't CHEAT on him in the sense that I wanted what was happing to me. Just that I was been taken by someone who wasn't my husband. I know that it wasn't my fault, but, still I felt guilty, until Yunho changed.
Now, I just try not to make him angry at me. That was not hard for him. Looking at me made him angry. Seeing my belly getting bigger made him angry. He was uncontrollable at times. His rage going out of bounds and hitting me until I lost conciseness.
I had no feelings left for Yunho in my cold, withered heart...
...no that's not true...
I know I said that I didn't love him...
...but, I still do. After everything he's done to me, I still love him. There's this part of my heart that won't let go of him.
Now, I know why the abuse stays with the abuser.
I live with it everyday.
Everytime Yunho slaps me,punches me, or rapes me, I feel like a little part of my heart dies, but I still hold on to the part that still loves him. I know that one day he will destroy all my heart until there is nothing left for me to feel, but, until then, I will love him. Pathetic, huh.
I gasped when I hear the key turning in the lock. My eyes goes to the door of our bedroom, waiting until he came in.
I hear his heavy footsteps echoing down the hall, and I feel tiny shivers of fear go down my back. I somehow knew tonight was going to be different. Tonight was going to be worse than before. So much worse than before.
I whimper when I see his shadow fall across our bedroom door and he enters.
He has the demons of hell burning in his eyes and the look he sends me terrifies me even more. I start shaking and I clench my hands together over my stomach.
He glares at me, "Wife, are you not going to properly welcome your husband home?" Yunho sneers the word wife and I bite my lip as I clumsily get to my feet. My rounded belly making it awkward for me to move around as feely as I once did.
I walked, slowly, over to Yunho, coming to a stop in front of him. I lowered my eyes, not wanting to see the hate there, "Welcome home, Yunho." I whispered, my heart thumping madly in my chest, my stomach tied in knots.