Dark Surrounds Me Part 4
beta-ed by moon-1084
Yunho's pov
I sit in the parking lot of the hospital. My heart is racing as both my hands grip the wheel as I look forward into nothingness.
My wife is inside, trying his best to keep our baby from coming into the world to early. And what did I do when I found out that he still loved me; that he spared me from going to jail for being the biggest bastard in the world? I left him. I walked out instead of trying to comfort him and tell him that everything’s going to be ok.
I knew inside of me that everything was NOT ok. I wanted it to be ok, but it wasn't.
What do I do to make it better?
I was almost afraid to go into that hospital room. Jae had every right to ask for a divorce. He said that he loves me, but will that be enough? For over six months I hurt him.
He was raped by me the same night that he was by my brother.
I came home, from leaving him in the house and had gone to a bar and got drunk, to find him in bed. Seeing him laying there, my anger rose up like a gray mist choking my insides. That night, I did something I should’ve never done to my wife, I hit him. I put marks on his beautiful face and body. And that night, I must have gotten him pregnant. I raped him. He fought but I held him down. God, I was like a bloody savage.
The next evening I came home to find him gone. He had run away. I had been bordering on rage all day, coming home to find him missing, and that pissed me off even more. I knew where he was, but before I went and got him, I hit the bar again, drinking my pain away.
I was trying to forget that I had an unfaithful wife and that it was my brother that he cheated on me with…
I brought him home...
...I still don't remember parts of that night. Just an alcoholic induced haze that I had been in. I do recall him running from me, to the front door, trying to get away. I had grabbed him by the throat and held him against the door.
I shake my head as I thought of his tears, his hands pushing, and him pleading with me. But his soft, begging words had mocked me, calling me a fool. And now I felt sick inside, as I thought of that night.
I ran trembling hands through my hair as I opened the car door and stepped out into the light mist that had started falling.
I walk through the hospital entrance doors and back to the evaluation room where my wife was waiting.
I stopped right out side of the door, and took a deep breath. I could feel my nerves fire across my skin as I opened the door and walk over to him, Jae was propped up on pillows, rubbing his tummy, smiling. I stopped and just watched him. How long has it been since I’ve seen him smile? Smile at me. Smile at anything.
As soon as I walked into the room, he looked up at me, his smile melting away, leaving his face. I see fear cover his face as he see's me coming closer to him. His lips trembling as he lowers his head to look at the bed, "Yunho, I. I’m sorry. I d...didn't mean to make you mad. Plea...please don't h...hit me." Jae whispered in a quivering voice so low I almost didn't hear him, but, I did. The words were ringing in the room.
He thinks that I'm mad and that I came back to hit him! I frowned as I see his thin body start to shake. He was shaking so bad that the bed was clanking.
I walked over to him, and sat on the side of the bed, "I'm not going to hit you."
He looks up at me with confusion in his eyes. Oh god, what have I done to him?
"I'll never hit you again. You understand? I'll never hurt you again, ok. I'm sorry Jaejoong." Tears filled my eyes and fell down my cheeks, "I'm so sorry, Jae. I wish I could take everything that I did to you back, but I can't. The only thing that I can do is tell you that I will never touch you in anger again."
Jae just stared at me. No emotions on his face what so ever. His eyes blank as he blinked at me. It was like he wasn't registering what I had said.
"Jae, there's something I want to ask you. Why haven't you told me that my brother raped you?" His eyes widen and as he shakes his head no. "Jae, I know that it was against your will, now tell me why you haven't told me." Jae's breathing was loud as he struggled not to loose control.
"He's your brother Yunho."
I leaned back. What?! That’s the only thought that came to mind. “Jaejoong, he may be my brother, but you are my wife. You should have told me. I haven't seen or talked to my brother, so how was I to know unless you tell me." I stood up and walked over to the fetal heart monitor.
I turned back to Jae. He is all of a sudden furious, "I tried to tell you!! I tried that night! But you came home and didn’t even give me the chance! And you say you’re SORRY!" Jae is getting more and more upset, his face red. "YOUR SORRY?? You lift your fist and punched me in the face and you’re SORRY. Six months Yunho! SIX MONTHS, you beat me, and now I'm supposed to just say that’s ok, honey. It's fine let’s just put it in the past because you found out the truth! Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't do that! I cannot forget the pain Yunho. When we found out that I was pregnant, did you stop? NO! You did not STOP! You continued to hit and hurt me. EVERY FUCKING DAY!!! How am I supposed to live with this!! How am I going to go on with my life with you? How am I supposed to forget last night! Yunho, how? Tell me, how am I going to forget that the man I love take a belt to my back and whip me like I was some kind of a dog!! Whipped me until, I couldn't feel the pain. Whipped me until I was begging you to stop! I begged you Yunho...I begged you. An...and when I tried to protect myself you threatened me! You threatened to whip my stomach!!!! HOW CAN I FORGET THAT!!!! That's our baby! You threatened to whip our baby! Our innocent little baby, Yunho!!"
Jae's face was smeared in tears that kept coming, kept flowing down his face.
I stood where I was, with Jae's and my eyes locking. Neither of us looking away.
"So, what are you saying? Do you want a divorce?"
Jae's shoulders slumped, "I'm not saying anything, Yunho. I married you for better or worse. I never thought that this would be the outcome. Never thought that one day, I would come to regret marrying you. But, no, I do not want a divorce. I want a separation until the baby is born."
I stood frozen. A separation? "No." Jae jerked his head up at my negative apply. "Yunho, please." I shook my head, "No. I will not allow it." Jae folded his hands in his lap, and I see his knuckles turn white. "Yunho, I need this. Please, don't make me beg. I need this. You need this. You need to get help. I'll come home before the baby is born, I promise. Yunho, please! Just give me some time to come to terms with this. Let me go, so I can come back and love you again like I once did."
I felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest. But, what right did I have to refuse him this. I may be hurting, but I hurt him more than I was hurting now.
If time was what he needed then I will give it to him.
To save our marriage…
To have Jaejoong love me again….
To have my family complete.
I walked over to the side of his bed and sat down. Reaching out I took his hand in mine. As soon as his hand was in mine, Jaejoong slowly slipped it out. His eyes where sad as he looked up at me, "I'm sorry, Yunho. Right now, I just can't bear your touch. I don't want to feel your hands on me. Please, don't touch me right now." Jae slowly turned his head from mine, and I felt my whole world crumble.
I remember when Jae would beg me to touch him. Beg me to take him. Now, he can't even stand my hands on him, and I really can't blame him.
I stood and took the chair next to the bed.
"All right then. You can go to your mothers until a week before the baby is born. I want you home before the baby comes. I want to see you at least two times a week and a phone call from you every night. I also want to be at all the doctor appointments that are left." I gave in, because I knew this would be what saved our marriage, if our marriage was salvageable. Jae just nodded, not saying anything in return.
The nurse came in with a small needle and vile in her hand. She walked over to the monitor, "It looks like you're having contractions. Looks like two every twenty minutes or so." She held up the vile of medicine, "This will help to keep you from contracting. It doesn't stop them completely, but, it will get them down enough to where you can be put on bed rest for the rest of your pregnancy." The nurse filled the needle and tied a plastic strip around Jae's upper arm. Giving him the shot quickly, she left.
Only to return a few minutes later with a new vile and needle, "This is a steroid. In case you do deliver early, this will make sure that the baby’s lungs are developed, or at least developed enough to give your baby a fighting chance. Mr. Jung, I'm sorry but, this goes in your behind." The nurse smiled gently as she walked to the bedside and pressed the button to lower the head of his bed.
Once lowered, she had Jae turn on his side and lifted his nightgown away from his rear end.
I hear her shocked gasp as her eyes land on the marks crossing Jae's bottom and thighs. She gently lifted the nightgown and saw the marks on his back.
When Jae realized what she was doing, he quickly grabbed his nightgown and covered himself, "Just give me the shot, please."
The nurse quickly injected the medicine into Jae's hip, and then lowered herself to eye level with Jae. "Jae, please. Please don't let this go on. Please, you don't have to go home with him. Just tell me and I will make sure you will have somewhere safe to go."
Jae turned on his back and faced me, "I have somewhere safe to go. I'm going to my mothers tomorrow. Yunho and I are separating for the mean time."
The nurse nodded, knowing that she wouldn't be able to do anything else about the situation in her Maternity Ward. She got up, checked the baby’s heart once more and left.
Jae turned his head towards me, "Yunho, I'm going to try and get some sleep in between the contractions. I'm really tired." I watched as Jae yawned and turned his back towards me, drifting off into sleep.
As Jae sleeps, his nightgown falls open and I see for the first time what I did to him last night.
I gasp as I see the red welts and broken skin on his back, and bottom. His thighs covered up by the blanket.
I rise up and walk over to him. Sitting on the side of the bed, I reached out and let my finger trace over the raised skin.
Softly, I run my hands down his back, gently pushing down the covers so I could see his thighs.
My chest tightens up and I can hardly breathe as I see the amount of torture I put him through.
My wife, please come back to me. Give me one more chance. Don't leave me.
I lowered my head and my body shook as sobs escaped me.