Dark Surrounds Me Part 5
beta-ed by moon1084
Jaejoong's POV
I shiver as Yunho's fingers trace the lines on my overly sensitive back.
I waited. I waited for the gentle touch to turn to pain.
I bite my lip to keep my protest from escaping. My hands were balling up into fists under the covers. My eyes were shut tight. And I waited.
I felt the covers being lifted and then being pulled lower to expose my bottom, his touch following, his fingers caressing me softly.
I was confused. Why wasn't he hurting me? Why was he being so gentle? His touch left my body, and then his sobs reached my ears.
He's crying. My brows knitted as I listened to him cry over my body.
I felt my heart start to hurt for him. I squeezed my eyes tighter, trying to stop these emotions from welling up.
I willed these feelings that where starting to rise up in me to go away. I did NOT want to feel sorry for him. I WILL not feel sorry for him. But try as I might, I could not harden my heart towards his personal pain.
I will not show him this though. I Will NOT let him see how much his tears have affected me. I still needed time. His tears did not show me that he was going to be a different Yunho; just that he has a conscience.
I lay in the hospital bed, with tears rolling down the sides of my face as Yunho cried.
The last thing I thought before I drifted off into sleep was, the painful touch never came.
~
The next morning, I was discharged early, with strict orders for bed rest and no strenuous activity for the remaining time of my pregnancy. My contractions were now gone from every twenty minutes or so to two or three an hour.
We left the hospital, leaving the caring nurse behind, with her whispered, “If you ever change your mind, you know where I can be found. I'll help you in any way I can." I had smiled at her and followed Yunho out of the room and to the car.
I sit gingerly in the seat of the car. My back side was still sore from the night before. The welts were stinging at the pressure from being pressed into the seat. My thighs and calves felt tight, stretching from the skin being broken.
Yunho and I made our way home.
Yunho pulled into the driveway, barely getting the engine shut off before I was out and unlocking the front door going inside.
I walked upstairs to our shared bedroom and walked to the closet. I was going to start packing to leave. The sooner I left the sooner I could feel safe.
Taking two suitcases from the upper self of the closet, I walked over to the bed and unzipped them, opening them up. I walked back and forth from the closet to the bed where the cases were set and packed everything I thought I would need for the next three months.
Yunho walked in as I folded and placed the last shirt in the case. "Jae, don't leave." I looked up and over to the left. He was standing by the door, his hands in his pockets. I looked back down at the suitcases; I couldn't look at his face. He looked so lost.
I bit my lip as closed and zipped up the cases and lugged them to the floor. I had to be strong. I had to prove to myself that I can be a strong person. “I have to, Yunho. I have to get away from you for a little while. If you want me to come back, if you want
this to work, then let me go, and don't hold me back."
I raised my eyes to his and had to hold my breath. He was crying. I quickly looked away. I would not be weakened again by his tears. Last night I had been weak. I had cried while he cried. I had almost broken down and changed my mind, but, I didn't. I knew this had to happen to make Yunho change for us, for the baby.
I took in a much needed breath and gathered the cases. When I walked passed Yunho, he reached out and took the cases from my hands. "You can not be lifting heavy things, Jae. You heard the doctor. You need to be careful from now on." Yunho stepped back
allowing me to go first in front of him.
Slowly making my way down the stairs, I felt anger in me again. Now all of a sudden he was worried about me and the baby. I wanted to strike out at him. I wanted to hit him like he hit me. I wanted him to feel my pain.
This made me realize how much I needed to get away from him.
I could feel the urge for some kind of revenge, and I knew that just being apart from him wasn't going to do it for me. I had to make him FEEL the pain. I didn't think I could raise my hand to him, but, surely there was another way to get back at him. There had to be a way.
I climbed back in the car, my mind still on ways to make Yunho suffer. I knew that while I was pregnant, I couldn't do anything. I believe that’s what made me antsier. That right now I'm at a standstill where that was concerned. I had made up my mind, I
would get him back. I will do that for myself. I just needed to think of a good punishment for Yunho. I let my mind wander while Yunho got in the drivers seat and started off for my mother’s house.
My mother lived by herself. Being widowed for going on seven years, she lives her life like there is no tomorrow. My Appa had been a good husband and loving father. They had been married for over forty years until the car accident took him away from my
omma.
The only worry I had about staying at my mothers is, was she even going to be there? My mom was known to just up and take off when the mood struck.
We arrived; the drive over quiet, the only sound was our breathing and the purring of the engine.
Yunho parked by the curb and killed the motor. I was reaching out for the handle of the door, when YunHo’s voice made me pause.
"Jae, please, don't do this. Don't leave me alone."
I sighed and turned to look at him, "Yunho, while I'm here you need to get in some kind of counseling. Anger management for one. I do not want to bring our baby back into the kind of environment that I just left. You need to get help. You need to also think
about getting help with your drinking. Every time you came at me you where drunk. So some kind of alcoholics anonymous meetings. You ought to think about this, think about your family. Think about how small this baby is. How helpless it is. It can't protect
itself Yunho, if you fly off into a rage. Please, keep your end of this bargain. Don't stop me from leaving. Yunho, Let me go. Don't keep me like this." I lowered my head as I muttered the last sentence. I raised my head my eyes meeting his, searching,
pleading with him to understand. To please put himself in my shoes.
I sighed in relief when I see his tense nod, only to tense up again when he leaned over. I stared at him as his lips met mine, lightly brushing before pulling away. I felt my heart shivering at the light contact, it almost made me want to throw up to have him touch me, but, at the same time, I knew that I couldn't deny that I wanted his kisses, given this way.
I jerked my head away from his intense gaze and opened the car door, stepping out into fresh air. I breathed deeply, before walking to the trunk to get my luggage.
The lid popped and I reached in to take the bags, but I felt Yunho's hand pull mine back. I see him shake his head at me and lift the bags out of the trunk, then carrying them to the front door.
He came back and took me by the hand, leading me up the front walk to the door. I tried to remove my hand but he held on tighter, pulling me into him. His arms were coming around my body gently, hugging me. I held myself stiff, until I felt the hurt inside me
again.
I laid my head on his shoulder, and just let him hold me for the short time he had left. My heart thundering in my chest at the contact, but my mind set on separation.
We stood like this until my omma opened the door and saw us on her front porch.
Mrs. Kim cleared her throat at her son and son-in-law, "Is there something I can help you guys with?" She lifted an eyebrow at us as we pulled away.
I turned to my mother, "Omma, I need to stay here for a little while. Is that ok?" I watched as my mom looked from me to Yunho and then back to me. She smiled in understanding and opened her door to me.
I turned and gazed at Yunho.
I had to be strong.
I turned and walked into the house.
I had to be strong.
I closed the door, and walked over to the window to watch him stand on the porch. He was just standing there, looking at the front door. Finally, he turned and made his way back down the walk towards the car, his head hung low, hands in his pockets. The breeze
was slightly ruffling his hair. I watched as he got in and started up the car. He turned toward the house one last time, and I can see the shame and regret written there on his face before driving off.
And I knew...
...I had to be strong.
~
I entered the house with my mom bringing in my cases, setting them by the hallway that led to the bedrooms. She turned and gazed at me for a few moments before walking over to me. I stood still as her arms came around me, hugging me. I bit the inside of my
cheek as she patted my back.
She dropped her arms and backed up when she felt the lack of embrace from me and frowned. "Is there something you'd like to tell me, dear?" I shook my head no and walked over to the couch, sitting.
"I just need to stay here for a little while if that’s alright. Yunho and I had a little fight and I thought it was best to separate for a while before things got to where we couldn't fix them." I was ashamed at admitting that my marriage was in danger. I had left out the part where I thought that our marriage might already be over. That it all depended on Yunho, and whether or not I was willing to come back.
I told Yunho that I would come back. Maybe I will but I didn't know at this point. And truthfully, I was thinking that I wouldn't. I didn't want to tell my mom of my indecision. Not when I wasn't sure myself right at this moment. Not when everything that I
thought I had held dear was at stake.
My mom came and sat beside of me. "I don't care for you staying here, but, it will have to be by yourself. I have a cruise planned; it's been planned for a few weeks now." She looked at me and could tell by my face that that wasn't what I had in mind. "I need
someone here with me. In case I go into labor again." My mom jerked her head towards me, "In labor again? When did this happen?" I lifted my hands to my head; I could feel the oncoming of a headache, "Last night. But, I'm fine right now. I'm on bed rest and
restricted activities for the time being." My mom looked me over and sighed. "I could call your cousin to come stay here with you. Would that be fine?"
I nodded my head and she got up and left the room to make the plans.
Really, I couldn't expect anything less of her. This was my mom. This is the way she is. If she thought for a minute that I was in trouble, she'd drop everything. Technically, I'm not in any immediate danger, and I think I would rather have my cousin with me
anyways. He wouldn't bug me about what was going on in my personal life.
She came back in several minutes later smiling. "He said he'll be here in thirty minutes. Just let him pack some clothes and other stuff that he needs."
My eyes widen in surprise, "Thirty minutes? Why so soon? When are you leaving?" As the questions left my mouth, my eyes darting around the room to see in the corner by the door was a pile of luggage. How did I miss that? I pouted as I turned to my mom, "I
thought I'd get a little while with you anyways." She laughed, "Honey, you know that I like to roam. Plus this trips been planned for a while, I can't just back out at the last minute, now can I."
I smiled at her at her obvious joy of getting out of the house. There's no way I'd stand in her way, not when my cousin was going to be here for me.
We sit chatting for a while until the door bell rang.
Mom got up and opened the door, letting in my whirlwind of a cousin, who ran over to me the instant he saw me, "Cousin Jae!" He cried as he sat and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I once again bit the inside of my cheek to keep from yelping in pain. I raised my arms and loosely returning his hug. No need in making him worried about my state of mind, which I knew wasn't too good at this time.
I grinned as he leaned back and I could see his twinkling eyes smiling back at me.
"Cousin Junsu. Thank you for staying with me."
Junsu laughed, "It's no problem, anything for my favorite cousin. I have missed you. You stopped calling, and meeting me for lunch at our usual diner. I thought you didn't like me anymore." Junsu pouted at me and I had to laugh. I loved my Cousin Junsu. He always knew how to make me laugh, even when I didn't want to. And right now I needed all the laughter that I could get.