Dark Surrounds Me chapter 12 Epilouge

[lunarrays]

beta-ed by moon1084

Jae's POV

I stepped down from the cab after paying for the service.

I stood outside and smiled, feeling contended. Yes, it has been a good day.

Inhaling deeply, I took in the crisp clean air.

The winter moon shined down, glistening on the new fallen snow. The soft rays bounding off the glittering surface making it look like diamonds on the ground.

I snuggled deeper into my heavy winter jacket, feeling the warmth seep into me, and headed for the door of my home.

Life has been good. I couldn't be happier.

I sighed feeling a moment of despair, thatʼs a lie.

I could be happier...

...if I could just give in to Yunho at night.

A frown marred my face as I opened the door, the feeling of guilt warring within me.

Yunho and I have not been intimate since Chung Ye has been born. Yunho has been the perfect gentleman when it came to the lack of sexual contact in our bedroom.

Never rushing and only touching when I allowed it. Perfectly understanding of how I felt. I know that my husband had needs also, but he never pressed me, and I, even now, know that I wasn't ready.

The first thing I notice was that the lights were low, and second, no Yunho holding Chung Ye at the door to greet me.

Where's Yunho? Where's Chung Ye? I hadn't seen them all day. It was now eight at night and I wanted nothing more than to see my baby girl.

I slowly took my coat off and hung it in the closet, and kicked off my shoes, waiting for Yunho to walk to me.

I shook my head when he failed to appear before me, and went to find him.

My footsteps lightly falling on the wooden floor, I walked into the spacious kitchen and found Yunho leaning over taking a roaster pan from the oven.

I walked over to the nearest counter, leaning against it, waiting for Yunho for to acknowledge me. When he didn't, I cleared my throat, "Where's Chung Ye?" I asked as my husband lifted the lid to one of the pots on the stovetop.

Yunho picked up a wooden spoon lying next to the stove and stirred the contents of the pot. Setting the spoon aside and then replacing the lid, he turned off the stove, only then did he turn to me.

I could see the guilty look before he even spoke, "What was that, Jae?"

I stepped forward, "Chung Ye, Yunho. Where is Chung Ye?"

My eyes narrowed as Yunho let out a nervous laugh, "Oh, yes. Chung Ye. Your Umma came about two hours ago and picked her up for the night."

I stood still for a moment then whipped around and dashed for the hallway. Slipping on my shoes and then reaching for my jacket. I almost had it on when I felt Yunho's arms come around me.

"What are you doing, Jae?" Yunho asked as he held me to him, taking my jacket out of my hands, he tossed it to the side.

I stiffened.

I knew what this was about, and I just wasn't ready yet. I know I've been using Chung Ye as some sort of barrier between Yunho and I, but, I felt safe that way. When things got to hot, I could always count on Chuing Ye to put distance between us right when I needed it most.

Yes, I felt bad using my daughter like that. Somehow, even though she was only four months, I felt like she knew what I was doing. I know that sounds stupid, but, sometimes I think she gives me a look. Like she saying give me a break mom, and I feel even worse then before.

So, yes, I'm using my daughter, and if she was at my ummaʼs house then how can she come in between Yunho and I?

I could feel it. It was in the air. He wants it all tonight. Not just the touching and the kissing, but all of it.

I shook my head jerking, "I need to go get her. I haven't seen her all day." I muttered to him, trying to get out of his hold.

Yunho took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him.

"She's four months old, Jaejoong. Plus your mother has Junsu there to help take care of her." Yunho looked down at me gently.

"No. No. She has never been away from home that long. She's never been away from us. She needs me!" I sounded desperate. I felt my stomach bunch up in knots.

No not tonight. I can't.  I just can't do it.

I jerked away from him, running over to the phone, my intentions were to call my mom to have her bring Chung Ye home. But Yunho reached me as I picked up the phone.

"Jae. Calm down. She's ok. You trust your mom right? You trust Junsu? And Junsu needs the practice being five months pregnant and all. Not only that but, Yoochun is gone on a business trip and Junsu misses his husband. Come on baby. It'll be alright." Yunho slowly slid the phone out of my hand and placed it in its cradle.

Yunho led me over to the table and had me sit down, my mind yet to catch up with my body.

I gazed down at the table. It had been set for two in a very romantic setting.

Yunho left the dinning room to go to the kitchen to bring dinner in. Only to leave again after he set the dishes on the table.

I shake myself out of my stunned state when I see Yunho come back in with what looked like a wine bottle

I frowned hard as Yunho popped the cork and then proceeded to fill up our long fluted wine glasses to the brim.

"Yunho. " I found my voice, "You know your not supposed to have any alcohol. You are a recovering alcoholic. " I reached over to take his wine glass from him, only in resulting in Yunho moving the glass futher from my reach.

I feel disappointment rearing up in me. Then these little tingles of fear as I remembered what Yunho was capable of when he drank.

Yunho smiled as he reached over and held the bottle in front of me.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down my nerves, "Yunho, I don't need to see the bottle to know it's wine." I muttered to him.

My eyes snap open when I hear his soft chuckle, "Baby, it's not wine."

Confused now, I leaned forward to take a closer look at the bottle. A smile escapes when I see the label on the bottle 'Sparkling Grape Juice Cocktail'

I shamefully glanced up at Yunho, "I'm sorry, Yunho. I guess that I'm still a bit nervous that you will drink again." I bit my lip as he places his hand over mine on the table.

"I told you I wouldn't drink again, and I won't. To be honest. I've not had the urge to drink for a long time now. I have too much to live for. Too much to loose if I go down that road again."

I feel myself relax and finally took notice of the dinner that Yunho had prepared for me.

"Oh, this looks so good." I complemented Yunho.

Yunho laughed. "Good, then lets eat."

Yunho cut me a slice of the beef roast. Placing it on my plate along with the steamed asparagus and chive and butter roasted new potatoes.

We ate in silence, our plates almost clean, until I cleared my throat for the second time.

Yunho looked up at me, "What's the matter?"

"Could we go get Chung Ye?" I whispered, looking at the table. I was ashamed of my coward ness towards Yunho, but, was willing to put up with it this once.

Yunho sighed, "No. Not tonight Jae. I want to be alone with you." Yunho was frowning as he leaned towards me, taking my hand.

Slowly, I withdrew my hand, "I'm not ready Yunho." My whisper softened. Yunho had to lean over more to hear me. Slowly I looked at my husband, my eyes wide with fear, "I'm not ready." I felt the knots back in my belly, and my hands started shaking.

Yunho smiled in understanding, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, baby. For now, how about you tell me about your trip to the spa."

I felt even more shameful at Yunho's gentleness towards me. I was a bad wife for holding out so long.

It seems my body was craving for him, but, my mind was more powerful then my body. My mind kept recalling all the bad memories, not letting them rest in the past where they needed to be left behind.

I had to make up my mind. Had to make the effort of making love to my husband again for the first time since the abuse.

My mind was screaming for me to leave and not go there, my body was screaming. Screaming for the release that I've denying it for months.

I felt like I was being pulled into different directions inside.

It felt like a battle was inside me. My mind was all for me chickening out and not letting Yunho have me tonight. My body, my heart was saying you still love, so show him how much you still want him.

My heart was pounding inside my chest. My blood pulsing hot causing me to blush.

I knew what I wanted, but I was scared. Scared of the pain. Scared of letting go again. I was afraid of making love again and then ending up being hurt in the end.

I looked up at Yunho. He was smiling his beautiful smile and my heart skipped. Yes, I knew. Tonight.

"Yunho, can we go sit on the couch and talk." I bit my lip and rose from the chair.

We walked to the living room and made ourselves comfortable on the couch.

I told Yunho about the massage and the mud bath and then the oil infused bath. We sat and talked for about an hour.

Realizing it was hitting ten oʼclock, I stood up from the couch.

"I'm going to shower and get ready for bed, Yunho."

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I exited the bathroom and walked over to the dresser. Looking at the mirror above the dresser, I closed my eyes. If I was going to break this fear then I was going to have to move forward and take the step towards healing this rift between Yunho and myself. I pulled the towel around my hips tighter. Shaking from the close contact that I would have to endure from Yunho.

While standing there, I felt something warm and wet make contact with my neck. I gasped at the sudden contact, and jerked back. Back, right into Yunho's arms.

Yunho's arms tightened around me, "Umm, You smell good." He muttered against my neck.

I felt the small hairs on my back and neck rise as he slid his lips from my neck to my ear.

"Y..Yunho?" I shuddered, my hands flying to his on my waist.

"It's alright, just relax. I won't hurt you." Yunho whispered in my ear and I felt tingles working their way under my skin.

My mouth went dry and I worked hard at swallowing the lump in my throat.

Yunho turned me around and I came face to face with the loving Yunho from before. The Yunho that loved me, the Yunho that would nearly drive my senses into overdrive with his slow touches.

Somehow, seeing this side of Yunho again, put me at ease.

Lifting my face to his, I played my lips over his. We kissed and cuddled, but this kiss was different. It was showing that tonight, I would trust Yunho again. Trust Yunho to take me, to take my body with love and tenderness.

Yunho deepened our kiss by turning his head with his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth. Shyly, I parted my lips and he came into me. Slowly his tongue rubbed over me.

Tenderly he kissed me, making those long lost moans come from me.

Yunho lifted his head and I see the dark desire lurking on is face. His eyes darkening to mocha brown as he gazed down at me.

I felt him loosen the towel around my hips and then slowly it fell to the floor, and as I was bare before my husband.

I lower my head. It has been a long time since he had looked at me this way. Like I was the love of his life. Like he would cherish me, love me forever.

I let out a small squeak when Yunho suddenly lifts me up off my feet and carries me to our new bed.

I smiled. Yes a new bed. Not the old one. Yunho said that we needed new beginnings in everything and that included our bed where the worst memories were made.

My smile slowly faded as he crept upon the bed to hover over me.

Yunho looked in my eyes, "I love you. My heart will always be yours. My soul will always be bound to yours for eternity." Yunho lowered his head and kissed my chest. His lips gliding over me, raising goose bumps across my skin.

I shut my eyes tight as dormant feelings made themselves known once more. The fire started flashing through, over and in me.

I knew tonight Yunho would take me out of the darkness and into the light.

I moved my hands to his back, trailing over his smooth firm skin. It felt like electricity running from his body to my hands.

I moaned again as I felt Yunho move down to my sides. My body lifted to its side a little as he kissed and sucked me there, then moving further down to my waist. He licked the tiny stretch marks from my pregnancy, his hands softly caressing my ribs and shoulders.

I raised my hips a little, moving my legs restlessly as he went even lower, just to my groin.

I hear Yunhoʼ light laugh as I raised my hips again trying to tell him what I wanted from him.

I whimpered out as he teased me by kissing around my need. "Yunho!" I gasped out, my body was burning hot now, and I knew I could take him in me now if I wanted.
Sweat was running down my neck and chest as Yunho took me in his mouth. I was sensitive to his touch and almost came at once. My hands flexed in the bed sheets as Yunho sucked me, my hips rising to met his mouth.

All thoughts of fear were long gone and only pleasure and love was left.

Reaching down I clawed Yunho's shoulders, my thighs coming up to press against Yunho's head, my back arching, as I came in my husbands mouth.

I cried out as my release washed over me, leaving my body shaking and my hands trembling and I pulled Yunho up to cover my body. I held him close to me, my arms around his back. It was only then that I felt myself crying. It felt so good to be able to love my husband again.

Yunho lifted up onto his hands looking down at me, "Jae, are you alright? We don't have to do this tonight. We can stop and maybe do this when youʼre more ready."

I shook my head quickly, "NO! I want you tonight Yunho. I want all of you." I blushed as the words rushed out of my mouth.

Yunho gazed down at me then nodded. He reached over and pulled the drawer open. Taking out a small bottle, he popped the cap and poured some in his hand. Throwing the bottle to the floor, he looked back down at me.

Our eyes met as he parted my legs and slowly entered me with his long finger.

My eyes widened as I felt sharp pain. "Yunho. Why is it hurting?" I gasped out as he moved his finger in me.

Yunho stopped, his face showing concern, "This hurts?"

I nodded my head, biting my lip as the pain gradually turned to a little pleasure.

"It may be because it's been a while since you've had me here." Yunho muttered as he added another finger to the one already inside of me.

I gasped again as the pain came back stronger this time. Whimpering, I tried to adjust my hips to lessen the pain.

Yunho must have known what I was doing. He bent his fingers slightly and brushed up against the bundle of nerves hidden inside me.

Moaning now, I bucked my hips as Yunho kept sweeping his fingers over the same spot, "Yunho. Yunho. PLEASE!" I gasped out.

Yunho removed his fingers, he positioned his tip at my entrance, teasing. "Are you ready, baby?" My only answer was rubbing my hips against him, and moaning out from the pressure of him against my hole.

Yunho slowy, gently as he could, entered me.

My body stiffened as he kept pushing into me. I forgot how big he was. Finally, he was all the way in. Yunho held himself in check while I got used to his size.

It's no wonder I got pregnant! He's hitting me deep, the pain long since gone, I moved my hips a little. Letting him know that it was ok to move.

And move Yunho did.

The bed started hitting the wall as he thrust into me, the pictures on the wall rattled at each hit the bed made.

The light from the moon, falling over Yunho's face as it contorted into pleasure, making him a beauty beyond words.

My hands glided over his back down to his hips to hold on. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held on tight.

Yunho lowered his head, his lips finding mine. I moaned against them as he pulled almost all the way out only to slam back hard into me.

I raked my nails up his back, making him arch over me. Yunho growled at me when I did it again.

I secretly smiled, loving that I still held this kind of power over him.  To make him growl at me, to make him move faster in me, and to love me harder.

I grinned and gave a rough push. Pushing Yunho over onto his back, I straddled him, sitting on his hardened member.

Slowly, I lowered myself onto him, biting my lips and moaning at the different sensations pouring over me.

Oh God how I missed this. My favorite position. I rose up and lifting my hips only to slide back down on him, finding my rhythm, I rode him.

I wrapped my hand around my arousal and stroked myself in time with my moves. Getting closer and closer to my orgasm.

The feel of Yunho's hand wrapping around mine, caused me to let out broken moans and to move faster upon Yunho. Yunho removed my hand and slowly moved his along my length.

Not being able to take the pleasure any more, I fell forward, my mouth landing on Yunho's shoulder. I bit him as I felt the long awaited release pour from me, my walls tightening around Yunho as I came onto his belly.

I felt Yunho's hand's slid around and grab my butt cheeks, holding me still as he thrust up into me, finding his own release in short time.

I lay on Yunho. For how long, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I didn't want to move from this spot. Didn't want this moment to end.

Tears started making their way down my cheeks again.

I felt like I was released from the demons tormenting me from the past. I felt like I had become lighter on the inside.

I know that after all the things that Yunho did to me, I should have never came back to him.

I maybe weak. I maybe pathetic. But, I still have my Yunho.

We will work our problems out, and tonight I took a step forward into the future.

As long as we both try to mend the past, as long as we show our love for each other and as long as I have my family, I know I'll be alright.

Tonight, Yunho surely did bring me from the darkness and into the light.