Almost Lover
Title: Almost Lover
Paring: Pep Guadiola/Bojan Krkic
Disclaimer: I wish it was true.
Notes: This fic is inspired by the song Almost Lover
Your fingertips against my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind in my chase
It happens fast, whatever kind of relationship Pep and Bojan have. They kiss and they fuck but they don’t really talk about it afterward.
(“I have a wife, you know” Pep says the second time they fuck.
Of course I know, Bojan wants to say but he says “I have a girlfriend too” instead.
“No string attached then” Pep says and kisses him.)
Maybe the fact that it is moving so fast makes it hard to control. Bojan doesn’t know when Pep starts stroking his cheek after they have sex. (usually, he just goes without so much as a word.) (It is just a small thing, he know that. Pep probably thinks of him as a cat (people always say he is like a cat) but he guesses it is fine. He likes Pep touching him.)
He also doesn’t know how just stroking his cheek becomes staying over at his place and eating breakfast together in the morning.
They still don’t talk much. But it is enough, he is alright with it.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
Bojan likes to text. He texts all the time. To everyone. Geri says he has the most annoying texting habit, but texts him back anyway.
He texts Pep too. He texts hi, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight. Pep thought he has gone completely crazy at first.
“It is thing I do when I’m bored” he explains.
The older man chuckles. “You seem to have awful lot of boring times”
Pep starts to text back after that.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
(it is pathetic, Bojan is not going to lie, how he wants to throw up every time he sees Pep. Because he can’t figure out why the sight of the man (twenty years older) (married man) sends butterflies to his stomach (he later thinks, shit then realises, no shit. I’m in love with my coach))
Should've known you'd bring me heartbreak
Almost lovers always do
Bojan has never met Pep’s wife before (he never wants to meet her, to be honest) but then she comes to visit Pep at Camp Nou one Saturday morning. (it is sunny that day, he remembers)
She is beautiful, he thinks. This is the woman Pep loves, he thinks. This is the woman Pep shares his life with, he thinks. They have beautiful family and they look great together. Pep met her when he was 18, Bojan knows. He must love her a lot, he thinks.
“They look good” Puyol says.
Geri nods. “So cool. They are like 22 years together, right? That is before Bojan was even born”
Bojan feels the urge to run away. He looks at Pep and his wife, wonders why it hurts so much. They look perfect. They are in love. (but he loves Pep too. He loves.)
(Pep comes to Bojan’s apartment that night. Bojan opens the door but doesn’t let Pep in.
“What’s wrong with you?” Pep asks.
You, he wants to say but doesn’t. “Nothing”
He looks at Pep, the man looks older than he usually does. He looks tired and old. “Is it about Cristina?”
“No, of course not” He gives Pep a fake smile.
“That is good. You know, because you and I, we are - not a lover or anything” he laughs dryly.
Bojan feels like he has been slapped. “Right. You just like fucking me. That is what we are”)
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
There is one time when Bojan has his ankle sprained. He wishes he had magic so he could heal his goddamned ankle. It is boring in the hospital. He sees only the doctors and the nurses. He spent half of his time watching soaps on the telly.
So he sends I’m bored to death to everyone in his contact list. Unsurprisingly, Geri is the one who sends message back first.
From Geri
then die. please. It is fucking 3 o’clock in the morning, you brat.
Bojan chuckles and sends, you wish.
He waits for the reply but when he receives one, it is not from Geri. It is from Pep.
From Pep
You are always bored. I will probably visit you tomorrow. Now, go to sleep please.
Bojan almost chokes on his breath. He never expects Pep to visit him (let alone sending the text back at 3am) because the coach can’t just go visit their every injured players in the team, right? (unless it is a serious case, you know)
So he thinks, maybe, just maybe, Pep’s visit is not as a coach. Maybe, just maybe.
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
The next day Pep shows up late. It is almost midnight and Bojan has to beg the nurse to let Pep in. He says he can’t stay long but he stays almost an hour anyway. They don’t talk any more than they usually do. It is a comfortable silence though. He likes the way Pep pats lightly on his ankle. He likes the way Pep looks at him and smiles. He likes (love) everything about Pep, he realises.
“I will be back tomorrow if I’m not busy” Pep tells him when he has got the text from his wife. (Bojan pretends not to hear that the text is from Cristina)
Pep stands up. He looks at Bojan in the eyes.
Bojan expects Pep to kiss him. And He (Pep) kisses him.
The touch is soft, unlike those kisses they have had. His chest is heaving against Pep’s strong chest. He clings on the man, wishes he would take it as, stay with me please.
Pep breathes against his lip and wills himself to say, “I have to go”
Bojan says breathlessly “Ok”
“I have to go” he says again. Bojan nods, but his small hand is holding Pep’s sleeve. Don’t go please, he wants to say.
“I can’t do this” Pep shakes his head but he looks like he wants to kiss Bojan again. “Cristina is waiting” he says.
The older man gives Bojan a final pat on his head and goes.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
Pep comes back next day. He has a small flowers in his hand. My daughter is a fan of you, Pep says. She wants me to give you this, he says.
Bojan pretends to think that Pep buys it and brings it to him.
They talk, today. They talk more than they usually do. Bojan tells Pep about the soaps he has watched and Pep laughs about it. Pep tells him about the training and how the players miss him (Bojan).
“And do you miss me?” Bojan asks. He chews his lower lip nervously.
Pep doesn’t reply. He just kisses him.
That night Bojan doesn’t send text to anyone but Pep, I miss you, he sends. Pep doesn’t reply and doesn’t come to visit him for all the rest of his stay at the hospital.
(it hurts)
I never wanna see you unhappy
I thought you want the same for me
Bojan pretends not to care about the text when he is back at Camp Nou. Pep does the same. They are back at their fucking routine. Pep never kisses the way he kissed him in the hospital though. The fact is he almost never kisses Bojan after that. He only fucks and leaves in the morning.
(it hurts)
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
Bojan feels. He feels. He has a feeling and he feels. When Pep avoids meeting his eyes after he says ‘I love you’, he knows he fucks up their relationship - if they really have one at all. He feels hurt (angry) (disappointment) when Pep carefully moves his hand away from Bojan’s cheek. He feels the heat of embarrassment and he wishes he didn’t say those words, wishes he could take it back, wishes he could say I’m just joking. Except he can’t.
He stumbles out of the bed, feeling awkward. I’ve got to go, he wants to say but realises that he is in his own bedroom (in his own apartment). He doesn’t know what he should say. He only knows he can’t stay near Pep any longer, not right now, anyway.
“I have to go” Pep says as if he can read Bojan's mind.
“Ok” he nods and wonders if that is his own voice saying because it sounds too broken (strained).
Pep walks out of the room then looks back, wonders if he (bojan) will be alright. He opens his mouth to say something.
Says you love me, Bojan begs silently in his mind. Says you care, at least.
“Goodnight” he says and closes the door.
Bojan feels. Hurt and disappointment and angry and (still) love.
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
End
I don’t really like this fic uh I think it sucks but I want to post it anyway…
Paring: Pep Guadiola/Bojan Krkic
Disclaimer: I wish it was true.
Notes: This fic is inspired by the song Almost Lover
Your fingertips against my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind in my chase
It happens fast, whatever kind of relationship Pep and Bojan have. They kiss and they fuck but they don’t really talk about it afterward.
(“I have a wife, you know” Pep says the second time they fuck.
Of course I know, Bojan wants to say but he says “I have a girlfriend too” instead.
“No string attached then” Pep says and kisses him.)
Maybe the fact that it is moving so fast makes it hard to control. Bojan doesn’t know when Pep starts stroking his cheek after they have sex. (usually, he just goes without so much as a word.) (It is just a small thing, he know that. Pep probably thinks of him as a cat (people always say he is like a cat) but he guesses it is fine. He likes Pep touching him.)
He also doesn’t know how just stroking his cheek becomes staying over at his place and eating breakfast together in the morning.
They still don’t talk much. But it is enough, he is alright with it.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
Bojan likes to text. He texts all the time. To everyone. Geri says he has the most annoying texting habit, but texts him back anyway.
He texts Pep too. He texts hi, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight. Pep thought he has gone completely crazy at first.
“It is thing I do when I’m bored” he explains.
The older man chuckles. “You seem to have awful lot of boring times”
Pep starts to text back after that.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
(it is pathetic, Bojan is not going to lie, how he wants to throw up every time he sees Pep. Because he can’t figure out why the sight of the man (twenty years older) (married man) sends butterflies to his stomach (he later thinks, shit then realises, no shit. I’m in love with my coach))
Should've known you'd bring me heartbreak
Almost lovers always do
Bojan has never met Pep’s wife before (he never wants to meet her, to be honest) but then she comes to visit Pep at Camp Nou one Saturday morning. (it is sunny that day, he remembers)
She is beautiful, he thinks. This is the woman Pep loves, he thinks. This is the woman Pep shares his life with, he thinks. They have beautiful family and they look great together. Pep met her when he was 18, Bojan knows. He must love her a lot, he thinks.
“They look good” Puyol says.
Geri nods. “So cool. They are like 22 years together, right? That is before Bojan was even born”
Bojan feels the urge to run away. He looks at Pep and his wife, wonders why it hurts so much. They look perfect. They are in love. (but he loves Pep too. He loves.)
(Pep comes to Bojan’s apartment that night. Bojan opens the door but doesn’t let Pep in.
“What’s wrong with you?” Pep asks.
You, he wants to say but doesn’t. “Nothing”
He looks at Pep, the man looks older than he usually does. He looks tired and old. “Is it about Cristina?”
“No, of course not” He gives Pep a fake smile.
“That is good. You know, because you and I, we are - not a lover or anything” he laughs dryly.
Bojan feels like he has been slapped. “Right. You just like fucking me. That is what we are”)
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
There is one time when Bojan has his ankle sprained. He wishes he had magic so he could heal his goddamned ankle. It is boring in the hospital. He sees only the doctors and the nurses. He spent half of his time watching soaps on the telly.
So he sends I’m bored to death to everyone in his contact list. Unsurprisingly, Geri is the one who sends message back first.
From Geri
then die. please. It is fucking 3 o’clock in the morning, you brat.
Bojan chuckles and sends, you wish.
He waits for the reply but when he receives one, it is not from Geri. It is from Pep.
From Pep
You are always bored. I will probably visit you tomorrow. Now, go to sleep please.
Bojan almost chokes on his breath. He never expects Pep to visit him (let alone sending the text back at 3am) because the coach can’t just go visit their every injured players in the team, right? (unless it is a serious case, you know)
So he thinks, maybe, just maybe, Pep’s visit is not as a coach. Maybe, just maybe.
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
The next day Pep shows up late. It is almost midnight and Bojan has to beg the nurse to let Pep in. He says he can’t stay long but he stays almost an hour anyway. They don’t talk any more than they usually do. It is a comfortable silence though. He likes the way Pep pats lightly on his ankle. He likes the way Pep looks at him and smiles. He likes (love) everything about Pep, he realises.
“I will be back tomorrow if I’m not busy” Pep tells him when he has got the text from his wife. (Bojan pretends not to hear that the text is from Cristina)
Pep stands up. He looks at Bojan in the eyes.
Bojan expects Pep to kiss him. And He (Pep) kisses him.
The touch is soft, unlike those kisses they have had. His chest is heaving against Pep’s strong chest. He clings on the man, wishes he would take it as, stay with me please.
Pep breathes against his lip and wills himself to say, “I have to go”
Bojan says breathlessly “Ok”
“I have to go” he says again. Bojan nods, but his small hand is holding Pep’s sleeve. Don’t go please, he wants to say.
“I can’t do this” Pep shakes his head but he looks like he wants to kiss Bojan again. “Cristina is waiting” he says.
The older man gives Bojan a final pat on his head and goes.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
Pep comes back next day. He has a small flowers in his hand. My daughter is a fan of you, Pep says. She wants me to give you this, he says.
Bojan pretends to think that Pep buys it and brings it to him.
They talk, today. They talk more than they usually do. Bojan tells Pep about the soaps he has watched and Pep laughs about it. Pep tells him about the training and how the players miss him (Bojan).
“And do you miss me?” Bojan asks. He chews his lower lip nervously.
Pep doesn’t reply. He just kisses him.
That night Bojan doesn’t send text to anyone but Pep, I miss you, he sends. Pep doesn’t reply and doesn’t come to visit him for all the rest of his stay at the hospital.
(it hurts)
I never wanna see you unhappy
I thought you want the same for me
Bojan pretends not to care about the text when he is back at Camp Nou. Pep does the same. They are back at their fucking routine. Pep never kisses the way he kissed him in the hospital though. The fact is he almost never kisses Bojan after that. He only fucks and leaves in the morning.
(it hurts)
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
Bojan feels. He feels. He has a feeling and he feels. When Pep avoids meeting his eyes after he says ‘I love you’, he knows he fucks up their relationship - if they really have one at all. He feels hurt (angry) (disappointment) when Pep carefully moves his hand away from Bojan’s cheek. He feels the heat of embarrassment and he wishes he didn’t say those words, wishes he could take it back, wishes he could say I’m just joking. Except he can’t.
He stumbles out of the bed, feeling awkward. I’ve got to go, he wants to say but realises that he is in his own bedroom (in his own apartment). He doesn’t know what he should say. He only knows he can’t stay near Pep any longer, not right now, anyway.
“I have to go” Pep says as if he can read Bojan's mind.
“Ok” he nods and wonders if that is his own voice saying because it sounds too broken (strained).
Pep walks out of the room then looks back, wonders if he (bojan) will be alright. He opens his mouth to say something.
Says you love me, Bojan begs silently in his mind. Says you care, at least.
“Goodnight” he says and closes the door.
Bojan feels. Hurt and disappointment and angry and (still) love.
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
End
I don’t really like this fic uh I think it sucks but I want to post it anyway…