If I Could See You Again
Title: If I Could See You Again [1, 863 words]
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: G
Genre: Romance
Summary: Lucy, Kyuhyun's granddaughter, is getting married soon. He tells her the story of his first love that he never fails to remember.
My name is Lucy. I am 27. I am getting married two weeks from now.
“Are you sure you love him?” my grandfather asks me. My sister and I visited him in Seoul after longing to hear his voice for so long in America. His face is wrinkled, as you’d expect. He has lines under his eyes, and his cheekbones look swollen. His scrap of white hair fills only the top surface of his head.
“Yes, grandfather,” I reply politely. His eyes travel somewhere else, along with his thoughts. The look he has senses me that he’s filing through his memories again, finding that document which contains the story of his first love.
He’s going to say it again, like he always does. I breathe, and the faint smell of my grandfather fills my lungs.
He is still young, quite at least for his status as a grandfather. My grandfather suffered from an early arranged marriage to keep the family’s money in check. He married a fine Chinese woman with porcelain skin, big black eyes and thin lips that would curve into a beautiful smile.
My grandmother is dead. She died two years ago. Although Kyuhyun, my grandfather, did not develop any romantic feelings for my grandma, they’ve sure made a close relationship as friends. At the funeral ceremony, Kyuhyun smiled faintly at my grandmother’s face. Not devilish, but lovingly. At the back of my mind I knew he was saying goodbye to a precious friend he trusts more than the others. It takes a moment before his tears finally face the tiled floors.
When Kyuhyun’s eyes finally face me again, he looks into my brown eyes and smiles. Then he taps the space beside him to bring me closer. When I’ve had moved, he gently caresses my blond hair and settles his arm around my shoulder.
“Lucy,” he sighs. “You don’t know how terribly lucky you are to marry the person you love and live with them till you die.”
Oh but I do, grandpa. I do. I don’t speak my thoughts. It was a rhetorical statement and I knew he was about to start.
--
The sun was gentle; its rays were softly passing through the surrounding glass windows. The air was chilly; university students and teachers wear coats and the like.
The hallways were buzzing with murmurs, and the white walls of the institution were covered with posters of ‘Vocal Chords of an Artist: Yesung performs at Shin Binhyo University! For more information and ticketing inquiries, call 0894-4524-34’.
Kyuhyun was casually walking in the halls-his brown hair swayed to the left, his ears were plugged with iPod earphones playing Kim Ryeowook’s, ‘One Fine Spring Day’, and he was humming to the tune.
Suddenly he felt soft flesh hugging his left hand. He found his best friend playing with it.
“Sungmin,” he simply said his name.
“Have dinner with me tonight,” came Sungmin’s simple reply.
Kyuhyun nodded. He’d rather not eat with his parents, anyways.
--
Kyuhyun sat across Sungmin and observed his best friend. He didn’t really realize how nice his black hair was, and how pretty it made him look when it half-covered one of his eyes. His eyes too, his pretty brown eyes, looked fascinating under the light. His cheekbones were plump, making his cheeks plop like bubbles when he smiles. His lips were bow-shaped, adding to his distinct features.
“You’re staring,” Sungmin pointed out to Kyuhyun. He was pointing accusingly with his fork in front of his face.
“No I wasn’t,” Kyuhyun denied. He swiped his vision from his alluring best friend to his dinner plate.
“See, I’m almost done and your plate is full since you’ve been staring.”
“And what makes you think I was staring at you?” Kyuhyun asked, trying to keep his face indifferent.
“Aha, so you were staring.” Sungmin smirked. Kyuhyun silently, mentally cursed himself. “I was pretty sure it was around here,” Sungmin said, raising a hand to motion to the lower part of his face.
Kyuhyun continued twirling his pasta around his fork. The other diners clinked their champagne glasses against one another; there was light laughter. He felt a touch on his cheek, and when he looked up he saw Sungmin leaning over the table and lightly caressing his cheek using the back of his hand.
“Are you okay, Kyuhyun? You’re warm and you’re red. And while there are many things that can correspond with, ‘warm’ and ‘red’, one of those is a fever. Did you check if you had one?”
“I’m alright,” Kyuhyun said, slowly pulling Sungmin’s hand off his face, lightly swiping his thumb against Sungmin’s soft skin.
Sungmin sat back on his chair quietly. He slowly closed his eyes and swayed to the mellow music.
There was a comfortable silence.
“You’re doing that thing again,” Sungmin suddenly said, his eyes still closed.
“What thing?” Kyuhyun asked curiously, he leaned forward a few inches.
“Staring,” Sungmin said, opening one eye. Catching Kyuhyun’s position, he started uncontrollably laughing.
Kyuhyun fell in love then.
Kyuhyun doesn’t need romantic relationships. Kyuhyun doesn’t want romantic relationships. Because hey, you’ll separate sooner or later, anyways. And most of the time they just distract you from your goals.
There was something about Sungmin that made Kyuhyun want him. It wasn’t just his face, or his laughter; it was him. All him.
People need to take risks if they want things to happen in their lives. Sometimes, people are too afraid to take those risks; to take those chances.
Kyuhyun can’t risk losing Sungmin. He’s not going to tell him he loves him because he’s scared. Because he doesn’t want to risk it. Because he thinks days would be unbearable without him.
And so Kyuhyun does nothing. He takes discreet glances at Sungmin, he defends him in front of other people, he makes circumstances better for him when he can do that.
But that’s all there is. Secret love. Secret un-reciprocated love. At least, that’s what Kyuhyun thinks.
“Kyuhyun,” his mother starts. “Kyuhyun, go out from your room and talk with us for a moment.”
He walks down the stairs, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
The night air was calm. It seemed as if it was singing lullabies. The trees swayed against their silent music. The moon shined the bodies of the night animals, casting shadows.
He sat down across his mother and father, his back straight and his chin up.
His mother was sitting cross-legged, her hair neatly tied up in a ponytail, and her glasses perched nicely on the bridge of her nose.
His father was still in his suit, and his hands were placed on his lap.
“Kyuhyun, you’re going to meet Ailiu tomorrow afternoon at Seo HR Hotel’s Michiyo restaurant.”
“Ailiu? Who’s Ailiu?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice soft and raspy.
“Ailiu is going to be your wife. She’s Chinese and she’s breathtakingly beautiful,” his mother said, her face calm and her voice usual. It seemed it had been planned for a long time now, and that his mother had always wanted this. “You’re getting engaged with her two weeks from now. Her father is one of the biggest businessmen in their region. Even if you don’t want to marry her, you will. Do it for this family.”
“Two weeks? Two weeks to marry a stranger?” Kyuhyun asked incredulously. It was clear he didn’t want to abide with his mother’s wishes. But they’ve been a matriarchal family; what his mother says goes.
Truly enough the next day, he met Ailiu. And she was beautiful.
She had big black eyes, white “china” skin, a tall nose, thin red lips and rosy cheeks. Her hair was let down and it flowed nicely a little below her shoulder.
She laughed at jokes and was polite. Her stance was always straight, and she was obedient to the elders.
Kyuhyun later learned she loved reading as well. They have a room full of books inside their house; a small mini library.
Kyuhyun hadn’t seen Sungmin for awhile. They’ve both been busy. Sungmin had his meetings with the Production Staff of his class for the Gallery Walk and the Festival. Kyuhyun had practices for the Shin BinHyo University Production and his piano recital.
Sungmin had been walking along the corridors when Kyuhyun tapped his shoulder gently.
“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin said, his eyes lighting up.
“I haven’t seen you in awhile,” Kyuhyun said, grinning his goofy smile.
“That’s because you’re so busy,” Sungmin said, playfully patting Kyuhyun’s left shoulder.
“I think you’re talking about yourself.”
They stood there in silence for a few minutes. Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin. And thinking that all there was, was Sungmin. There wasn’t anything else. No production, no recitals, no festivals, no engag--
He felt lips mold against his, disrupting his train of thought.
There were arms holding his shoulders, putting him in place, not letting him go.
He slapped his awareness awake and found Sungmin kissing him, their bodies stuck to each other.
He responded. Sungmin pulled away when they both needed air.
“I’m getting engaged,” Kyuhyun said in between gasps.
Sungmin’s eyes widened. He took a few steps back.
“Sungmin. Sungmin, no. Don’t leave me. I love you. I’ve always loved you. It was an arranged engagement. Don’t--Don’t go away,” Kyuhyun pleaded, his legs slowly giving away and he soon found himself kneeling.
“I-I... You’re getting engaged, Kyuhyun. What can I do?” Sungmin asked with a soft voice. It was almost too gentle to hear.
“We can go away, Sungmin. You and I, we can make it. We just need each other. We’ll find jobs, somehow. Sungmin, you can run away with me. We can get a better life together.”
Sungmin looked hesitating, balls of tears coming out from his eyes.
Kyuhyun wanted to tell him not to cry, that it hurts to see him in pain.
He clenched his fists.
“We’re getting engaged after three days. In those three days I will wait for you. I’ll wait for you outside the restaurant we ate in before, Yamada.”
Sungmin didn’t speak. He couldn’t. Even if he could, what would he say?
“I’ll be waiting for you.”
Three days came. Sungmin didn’t go to Yamada. Kyuhyun was engaged to Ailiu in the fourth day.
--
“Lena! Lena! Grandfather’s having trouble breathing!” I call out to my sister. His story is finished and it ended like that.
We drove him to the hospital as fast as we could but the nurses told us thirty minutes later he died of heart attack.
--
“Why did you give up on him?” Hyukjae asked Sungmin while they were drinking alcohol inside the bar.
The music was turned on high. People danced against each others’ skins, rocking their bodies to the laser lights. The smell of sweat filled the air and the place was filled with laughter and banter.
“I never gave up on him,” Sungmin said. “I couldn’t see him get hurt. I know that if we ran away there would be lots of troubles that would come his way. I can love him. I can love him from afar. I leave him if it means he’ll live better.”
But that’s all there is. Sacrificed love.
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: G
Genre: Romance
Summary: Lucy, Kyuhyun's granddaughter, is getting married soon. He tells her the story of his first love that he never fails to remember.
My name is Lucy. I am 27. I am getting married two weeks from now.
“Are you sure you love him?” my grandfather asks me. My sister and I visited him in Seoul after longing to hear his voice for so long in America. His face is wrinkled, as you’d expect. He has lines under his eyes, and his cheekbones look swollen. His scrap of white hair fills only the top surface of his head.
“Yes, grandfather,” I reply politely. His eyes travel somewhere else, along with his thoughts. The look he has senses me that he’s filing through his memories again, finding that document which contains the story of his first love.
He’s going to say it again, like he always does. I breathe, and the faint smell of my grandfather fills my lungs.
He is still young, quite at least for his status as a grandfather. My grandfather suffered from an early arranged marriage to keep the family’s money in check. He married a fine Chinese woman with porcelain skin, big black eyes and thin lips that would curve into a beautiful smile.
My grandmother is dead. She died two years ago. Although Kyuhyun, my grandfather, did not develop any romantic feelings for my grandma, they’ve sure made a close relationship as friends. At the funeral ceremony, Kyuhyun smiled faintly at my grandmother’s face. Not devilish, but lovingly. At the back of my mind I knew he was saying goodbye to a precious friend he trusts more than the others. It takes a moment before his tears finally face the tiled floors.
When Kyuhyun’s eyes finally face me again, he looks into my brown eyes and smiles. Then he taps the space beside him to bring me closer. When I’ve had moved, he gently caresses my blond hair and settles his arm around my shoulder.
“Lucy,” he sighs. “You don’t know how terribly lucky you are to marry the person you love and live with them till you die.”
Oh but I do, grandpa. I do. I don’t speak my thoughts. It was a rhetorical statement and I knew he was about to start.
--
The sun was gentle; its rays were softly passing through the surrounding glass windows. The air was chilly; university students and teachers wear coats and the like.
The hallways were buzzing with murmurs, and the white walls of the institution were covered with posters of ‘Vocal Chords of an Artist: Yesung performs at Shin Binhyo University! For more information and ticketing inquiries, call 0894-4524-34’.
Kyuhyun was casually walking in the halls-his brown hair swayed to the left, his ears were plugged with iPod earphones playing Kim Ryeowook’s, ‘One Fine Spring Day’, and he was humming to the tune.
Suddenly he felt soft flesh hugging his left hand. He found his best friend playing with it.
“Sungmin,” he simply said his name.
“Have dinner with me tonight,” came Sungmin’s simple reply.
Kyuhyun nodded. He’d rather not eat with his parents, anyways.
--
Kyuhyun sat across Sungmin and observed his best friend. He didn’t really realize how nice his black hair was, and how pretty it made him look when it half-covered one of his eyes. His eyes too, his pretty brown eyes, looked fascinating under the light. His cheekbones were plump, making his cheeks plop like bubbles when he smiles. His lips were bow-shaped, adding to his distinct features.
“You’re staring,” Sungmin pointed out to Kyuhyun. He was pointing accusingly with his fork in front of his face.
“No I wasn’t,” Kyuhyun denied. He swiped his vision from his alluring best friend to his dinner plate.
“See, I’m almost done and your plate is full since you’ve been staring.”
“And what makes you think I was staring at you?” Kyuhyun asked, trying to keep his face indifferent.
“Aha, so you were staring.” Sungmin smirked. Kyuhyun silently, mentally cursed himself. “I was pretty sure it was around here,” Sungmin said, raising a hand to motion to the lower part of his face.
Kyuhyun continued twirling his pasta around his fork. The other diners clinked their champagne glasses against one another; there was light laughter. He felt a touch on his cheek, and when he looked up he saw Sungmin leaning over the table and lightly caressing his cheek using the back of his hand.
“Are you okay, Kyuhyun? You’re warm and you’re red. And while there are many things that can correspond with, ‘warm’ and ‘red’, one of those is a fever. Did you check if you had one?”
“I’m alright,” Kyuhyun said, slowly pulling Sungmin’s hand off his face, lightly swiping his thumb against Sungmin’s soft skin.
Sungmin sat back on his chair quietly. He slowly closed his eyes and swayed to the mellow music.
There was a comfortable silence.
“You’re doing that thing again,” Sungmin suddenly said, his eyes still closed.
“What thing?” Kyuhyun asked curiously, he leaned forward a few inches.
“Staring,” Sungmin said, opening one eye. Catching Kyuhyun’s position, he started uncontrollably laughing.
Kyuhyun fell in love then.
Kyuhyun doesn’t need romantic relationships. Kyuhyun doesn’t want romantic relationships. Because hey, you’ll separate sooner or later, anyways. And most of the time they just distract you from your goals.
There was something about Sungmin that made Kyuhyun want him. It wasn’t just his face, or his laughter; it was him. All him.
People need to take risks if they want things to happen in their lives. Sometimes, people are too afraid to take those risks; to take those chances.
Kyuhyun can’t risk losing Sungmin. He’s not going to tell him he loves him because he’s scared. Because he doesn’t want to risk it. Because he thinks days would be unbearable without him.
And so Kyuhyun does nothing. He takes discreet glances at Sungmin, he defends him in front of other people, he makes circumstances better for him when he can do that.
But that’s all there is. Secret love. Secret un-reciprocated love. At least, that’s what Kyuhyun thinks.
“Kyuhyun,” his mother starts. “Kyuhyun, go out from your room and talk with us for a moment.”
He walks down the stairs, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
The night air was calm. It seemed as if it was singing lullabies. The trees swayed against their silent music. The moon shined the bodies of the night animals, casting shadows.
He sat down across his mother and father, his back straight and his chin up.
His mother was sitting cross-legged, her hair neatly tied up in a ponytail, and her glasses perched nicely on the bridge of her nose.
His father was still in his suit, and his hands were placed on his lap.
“Kyuhyun, you’re going to meet Ailiu tomorrow afternoon at Seo HR Hotel’s Michiyo restaurant.”
“Ailiu? Who’s Ailiu?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice soft and raspy.
“Ailiu is going to be your wife. She’s Chinese and she’s breathtakingly beautiful,” his mother said, her face calm and her voice usual. It seemed it had been planned for a long time now, and that his mother had always wanted this. “You’re getting engaged with her two weeks from now. Her father is one of the biggest businessmen in their region. Even if you don’t want to marry her, you will. Do it for this family.”
“Two weeks? Two weeks to marry a stranger?” Kyuhyun asked incredulously. It was clear he didn’t want to abide with his mother’s wishes. But they’ve been a matriarchal family; what his mother says goes.
Truly enough the next day, he met Ailiu. And she was beautiful.
She had big black eyes, white “china” skin, a tall nose, thin red lips and rosy cheeks. Her hair was let down and it flowed nicely a little below her shoulder.
She laughed at jokes and was polite. Her stance was always straight, and she was obedient to the elders.
Kyuhyun later learned she loved reading as well. They have a room full of books inside their house; a small mini library.
Kyuhyun hadn’t seen Sungmin for awhile. They’ve both been busy. Sungmin had his meetings with the Production Staff of his class for the Gallery Walk and the Festival. Kyuhyun had practices for the Shin BinHyo University Production and his piano recital.
Sungmin had been walking along the corridors when Kyuhyun tapped his shoulder gently.
“Kyuhyun,” Sungmin said, his eyes lighting up.
“I haven’t seen you in awhile,” Kyuhyun said, grinning his goofy smile.
“That’s because you’re so busy,” Sungmin said, playfully patting Kyuhyun’s left shoulder.
“I think you’re talking about yourself.”
They stood there in silence for a few minutes. Kyuhyun looked at Sungmin. And thinking that all there was, was Sungmin. There wasn’t anything else. No production, no recitals, no festivals, no engag--
He felt lips mold against his, disrupting his train of thought.
There were arms holding his shoulders, putting him in place, not letting him go.
He slapped his awareness awake and found Sungmin kissing him, their bodies stuck to each other.
He responded. Sungmin pulled away when they both needed air.
“I’m getting engaged,” Kyuhyun said in between gasps.
Sungmin’s eyes widened. He took a few steps back.
“Sungmin. Sungmin, no. Don’t leave me. I love you. I’ve always loved you. It was an arranged engagement. Don’t--Don’t go away,” Kyuhyun pleaded, his legs slowly giving away and he soon found himself kneeling.
“I-I... You’re getting engaged, Kyuhyun. What can I do?” Sungmin asked with a soft voice. It was almost too gentle to hear.
“We can go away, Sungmin. You and I, we can make it. We just need each other. We’ll find jobs, somehow. Sungmin, you can run away with me. We can get a better life together.”
Sungmin looked hesitating, balls of tears coming out from his eyes.
Kyuhyun wanted to tell him not to cry, that it hurts to see him in pain.
He clenched his fists.
“We’re getting engaged after three days. In those three days I will wait for you. I’ll wait for you outside the restaurant we ate in before, Yamada.”
Sungmin didn’t speak. He couldn’t. Even if he could, what would he say?
“I’ll be waiting for you.”
Three days came. Sungmin didn’t go to Yamada. Kyuhyun was engaged to Ailiu in the fourth day.
--
“Lena! Lena! Grandfather’s having trouble breathing!” I call out to my sister. His story is finished and it ended like that.
We drove him to the hospital as fast as we could but the nurses told us thirty minutes later he died of heart attack.
--
“Why did you give up on him?” Hyukjae asked Sungmin while they were drinking alcohol inside the bar.
The music was turned on high. People danced against each others’ skins, rocking their bodies to the laser lights. The smell of sweat filled the air and the place was filled with laughter and banter.
“I never gave up on him,” Sungmin said. “I couldn’t see him get hurt. I know that if we ran away there would be lots of troubles that would come his way. I can love him. I can love him from afar. I leave him if it means he’ll live better.”
But that’s all there is. Sacrificed love.