Deadly Confessions (The Rest)
Matt and Tai get together. But someone is standing in their way. Will their relationship survive? Taito and Takato. Yup, that's the TK and Matt pairing! As in INCEST! You have been warned!
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Angst/Romance - Review: 9 - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13864 - Updated: 10-11-01 - Published: 10-11-01
"Ahem," I said, clearing my throat after casting a sidelong glance at Tai.
Sora looked up expectantly, Ken and Daisuke paused from flirting with each other, Jyou stopped chewing his sandwich, and Izzy quit typing on his compact laptop. Why he brought it to lunch was a mystery to me, but whatever.
"Yes Matt?" Miyako asked.
"Tai and I have an announcement to make," I told them, and Sora narrowed her eyes at us.
"What announcement?" Ken wanted to know.
I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around Tai, pulling him close to me as he I said," Tai and I are dating."
We got mixed reactions. Ken and Daisuke were grinning at us and each other, Sora drew in a sharp breath, Izzy raised his eyebrows, Jyou just shrugged. Miyako squealed and exclaimed, "Oh how cute!"
After getting over her initial shock, Sora turned and glared at me. "Matt, you told me last night you weren't together."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't tell you without knowing how Tai felt about you knowing. Besides us, only Kari and Takeru had previously known," I informed her.
"Oh." She frowned.
"How long have you been dating?" Izzy asked us.
"Lessee...." Tai began counting on his fingers. "About four months, I think."
Jyou gaped at us. "Four months? And you're just now telling us?"
Tai shrugged. "Yeah."
"Weren't you scared about what we would think of you?" Daisuke asked us.
Tai gave him a funny look. "Of course we were, but we figured most of you would handle it well, even you younger Chosen." Then Tai gave him a knowing look and glanced over at Ken, then back at Daisuke just in time to catch the redhead's faint blush.
So had Tai had picked up on it too. I wonder if they were actually together, or both just knowing but too afraid to act on it.
"Well I for one am happy for you two," Miyako said. "I think you two are so cute together!"
"Thanks, Miyako," I said smiling for her.
"Hey, I'm happy for you too!" Dai exclaimed. "I was just wondering how they had the courage to come out to us, that's all."
I smiled knowingly at him. He blushed again and looked away.
Izzy opened his mouth to say something, but just then the bell rang.
Tai stood and looked down at me. "C'mon Yama, let's go before they change their minds and start hating us."
Ken snorted back a laugh. "Why would we want to hate you?" he asked, as Tai started dragging me away.
"He's just saying that!" I yelled. "He really just wants to make out, that's all!"
I laughed as I saw most of our friends faces going red.
Then I turned my attention to my boyfriend. "Tai," I laughed. "Stop pulling me! I have two feet, you know! I can walk on my own!"
Tai stopped short and released me, causing me to go tumbling to the floor.
"Taichi!" I cried, feigning annoyance.
"Sorry Matt," he said, grinning down at me.
I punched him lightly on the arm. "Meanie. You're not sorry one bit."
"Sure I am," he insisted, still grinning.
Then to my shock he leaned down and kissed me. Right there in the middle of the cafeteria.
A heard a few surprised gasps, then one of our non Chosen friends whistled. "Way to go Taichi! Matt!"
I blushed as Tai moved back, then reached up and pulled Tai down on the floor, kissing him back passionately.
All around us people broke out clapping, cheering, whistling.
Finally I released Tai and stood, giving him a seductive smile before purring, "I'll see you at my place after school, honey."
He gulped and stood on shaky feet, staring after me as I left to go to class, ignoring all the people around us chattering excitedly.
I wondered how long it would take to get round the whole school.
I just hope we wouldn't regret going public like that.
"Konnichiwa, Kasato-Sensei," I said tonelessly along with the rest of the class, glad this was the last period of the day.
I was starting to get sick of all the people coming up to me and asking if Tai and I had really kissed in the cafeteria.
Even some of my teachers had asked me that!
Besides, I was eager to ask Tai why he had done that. Not that I hadn't enjoyed it or anything, but .... it just kinda caught me off guard, I guess. But who I am to complain?
"Thinking about Tai again, Ishida-san?" Kasato Sensei's voice cut into my thoughts, and I looked up, surprised.
"Sensei?"
"I asked if you were thinking about Tai again. You seemed to be enjoying your thoughts very much."
I blushed and remained silent. Was there a person in the school who hadn't heard about us?
"Well?"
"Yes," I mumbled, and the class started laughing.
My face flushed even more.
"That's very amusing, Ishida-san. However, while I'm sure thinking about kissing your little boyfriend is a lot of fun, I would prefer it if you focused on more important subjects such as Japanese."
"Hai, Sensei," I muttered as he returned to the blackboard and began drawing the kanji for hasu. It was an easy word, but most of the class had trouble remembering the kanji for it, me included. I tried hard to pay attention, but my mind kept wandering back to Tai.
Why had he kissed me in front of everybody? At most we agreed to tell our Chosen friends. Even though the school didn't seem to be disgusted by it, how would the teachers take it? Or worse, the principal? Had she heard about our little episode in the cafeteria? The school was very strict about keeping romances out of the school. It was fine to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but hugging and kissing was frowned upon.
And Takeru. Oh my God. I'm sure he heard about me and Tai by now. What would he say about it?
Wait, why should I care what he thought about it? Tai was my boyfriend, not Takeru. But it had been Takeru I'd had sex with.
But who cares! That was only to make Takeru happy, nothing more! In a few weeks I wouldn't even have to go out with my brother. So stop worrying about what Takeru thinks. He doesn't matter.
But he does! He still cares about you, even if you don't care that way about him. Surely this would hurt his feelings.
This was all so confusing!
"Dammit!" I shouted in frustration, momentarily forgetting I was still in school.
Everyone in the room grew deadly silent and looked at me. Kasato-Sensei paused, chalk mid-air, and turned to face me.
But before he could even open his mouth, I leaped up, knocking my chair backwards, and raced out of the room. I didn't stop running until I was at home. Slamming the door, I leaned against it, breathing heavily, sweat streaking down my face.
"Dammit," I moaned.
"Yama.... how could you do that to me?"
"I'm sorry, Takeru," I pleaded desperately. "Besides, Tai kissed me first. Let me make it up to you somehow."
He sighed, pools of open hurt still reflected in his eyes. "Make it up how?"
I shrugged helplessly. "What do you want?"
"You," he told me softly.
I gulped. "You mean.... sex?"
He nodded. "I know I said it was just that once, but ever since it happened, I can't stop thinking about you. You're an addiction Yamato. I need more of you. I need more and more until I've finally had to much and I don't want anymore. Kinda like some people and chocolate. They're so addicted to it, they eat and eat and eat it, thinking they can never have too much chocolate until one day they wake up and think how much they hate chocolate. I'm like that, Yama. I feel that way about chocolate, so maybe I'll feel that way about you too."
"Takeru, love and chocolate are two differently things entirely." "How so?" he asked me, blue eyes fixed firmly upon my own in a defiant little gesture. "Both are sweet, but both can destroy you if you're not careful. Mom and Dad's love was like that."
I sighed in defeat. "Allright," I replied. "I'll have sex with you."
And maybe this time I wouldn't be so scared.
I wept softly, brokenly on Tai's chest. I had called him to come over after Takeru had left, and the second he walked in and saw me in my bed, huddled into a little ball, crying, he had got in next to me and pulled me close to him, holding me tightly.
"It happened again, didn't it?" he whisphered softly. "You had sex with him."
I nodded. "Don't be mad Tai. It's just... I can't explain to him why I don't want to, that I'm scared to."
He wiped a few stray hairs away from my face. "Shh, Yamachan. I'm not mad at you. Don't fret over it, okay? I understand."
"But I don't think you do," I sobbed. "After all, if I was doing it for Takeru to make him happy, why couldn't I do the same for you? Isn't that what you're thinking?"
"Of course not, koi. I don't want you to make love to me just to make me happy. I already am happy, just being with you. We won't do it until you're ready, okay?"
I sniffled. "Taichan...."
"Just don't think about it, Yama."
"Okay."
So it went on and on, an endless cycle, it seemed. Takeru would come over every day and I'd reluctantly be forced into agreeing to have sex with him. In the beginning, I wanted Tai to comfort me after it happened, but after several weeks I started feeling guilty about having sex with my brother, then turning around and telling Tai I wasn't ready. He said he understood, but I think he was starting to get pissed off about it.
I still hadn't talked to Dad.
And even though he didn't press that particular issue, I know he wanted to know. I could sense the unspoken questions in his every 'are you okay?' or 'how was your day?'. I could see it hidden within in his eyes, in the way he'd stare thoughtfully at me during dinner or while we sat in the living room, hanging out. It was our constant companion, that unspoken question, and was always hanging between us on its thin thread, fragile in its every way.
Several months of sex with Takeru and the unspoken question passed. Takeru only seemed to be more hopelessly in love with me than he had been in the first, and the thread dangled more dangerously than ever.
Until one night, something happened that ultimately caused the thread to snap.
School had let out a few days ago, and Tai was over at my house to stay the night. Earlier, I'd had a celebratory graduation party for all us senior Chosen, and after it was over, Tai decided to stay the night.
We'd been making out on the couch, both shirts long since shed, not caring that my dad could walk in the door any moment, and also completely forgetting the fact that he was actually away on a business trip for the weekend.
Then Tai's hand found the snap on my jeans and fumbled to undo them.
At first I stiffened, but after a few moments I realized the fear hadn't come this time, and I allowed Tai to undress us both.
Then he continued his earlier assault, nipping and licking his way down my chest.
I moaned as he bit down on a hardened nipple, and my hands reached up, entangling themselves in his hair, pulling him closer to me.
He paused in his ministrations and smiled down at me. "Is this okay Yamachan? Because I don't want to rush you."
"Oh God Tai," I gasped. "It's more than okay! Please!"
He smiled again, then frowned. "It will hurt," he whisphered. "I don't have any lube."
"I don't care," I choked out. And it was true. I didn't. The fear was surprisingly gone. All I wanted at that moment was for the one I loved to be inside me.
"If you're sure," he said a bit doubtfully.
"Oh God yes Tai. I'm more than ready! Now just get on with it before I explode!" I cried.
He didn't protest any more after that, just leaned down and kissed me deeply, passionately, as his founds roamed and found my rock hard shaft and started stroking gently.
I cried out and nearly came just at his touch. It felt so good....
Later after it was over I curled up in Tai's arms, exhausted and content.
We lay in comfortable silence for some time before Tai spoke softly. "Yamato?"
"Yeah?"
"Was it... okay?"
I smiled into the darkness and kissed Tai's forehead. "It was wonderful, Tai. You did good."
"I'm glad."
The next morning I woke to screaming.
"What the hell did you two think you were doing?!" a familiar voice yelled.
I sat up groggily, blinking sleep out of my eyes.
"Look Takaishi! He's my boyfriend, not yours! I can have sex with him if I want!" another voice yelled. Odd, that one sounded strangely familiar too.
Tai...?
And --- Takeru..?
"You're not to touch him Yagami! He's mine!"
"What in hell gave you that idea?" my boyfriend's voice retorted. "He doesn't love you!"
Me. They were arguing over me.
"He does too love me! More than he loves you!"
I blinked. "Tai? Takeru?"
They turned toward me simultaneously.
"Yama!" Takeru cried, running over to me and taking my hands in his. "How could you do that to me? I thought you loved me, right? Don't you love me more than Tai? You do, don't you?" he pleaded, turning his blue eyes upon me imploringly.
I shook my head. "I told you from the beginning I loved Tai, Takeru." I told him softly.
He stared at me sadly for a few moments, tears welling in his eyes, then abruptly got up and rushed into the kitchen.
Tai gave me a strange look, and I shrugged my shoulders.
The next few seconds seemed to happen all to fast, but yet they were the longest seconds of my life.
Tai and I were staring at the kitchen curiously, then all of a sudden Takeru is lunging at Tai, knife in hand.
I'm screaming.
Takeru is meaning to kill Tai.
Tai's trying to dodge the knife.
There's blood gushing from his forehead.
There's blood on Takeru too. I can't tell who's hurt.
Then they're both down and on the floor with a scream.
Everything's motionless.
Tai's up suddenly, breathing heavily, tears soaking his face, staring down at Takeru in surprise, holding a hand to the gash on his forehead.
Scarlet blood is slowly spreading from a hole in Takeru's chest where the knife had been.
I'm crying too, running towards Takeru, gathering him in my arms, not quite believing.
Tai's at the phone, calling for medical assistance. Then he's sinking down beside me, holding me and Takeru both.
We sit that way for hours, it seems, until medical attendants are pulling Takeru away from me, out of my arms.
I shriek, and beat my fists against them.
They can't take my brother away from me, no matter how much he may have wanted to hurt me or Tai.
Don't take Takeru away.
I'm still in a cloud of confusion and denial when Dad rushes in the hospital waiting room doors. He spots me immediately and comes over to me. We're the only ones in the room. The other Digidestined had been and left. Tai was going hysterical at home, afraid he was gonna go to jail. Mom was pacing impatiently up and down in front of the emergency room doors, where they were operating to try and save Takeru.
"Matt, are you all right? What happened?" Dad cried.
I just stared at him blankly, tears rolling down my face.
"Matt?"
"Mr. Ishida?" a voice asked, coming up behind us.
Dad turned. "Yes?"
"You were the father of Takaishi Takeru, were you not?"
"Were?" I said, my voice high pitched. "Were?"
My lips began to tremble, and Dad barely had time to pull me close to him in a tight hug before I let out a heartbroken wail.
The doctor nodded. "Yes. Your brother passed away at 11:47 a.m. I'm sorry. We did everything we could to save him."
"No!" I cried. "It's not true!"
"Yamato, don't," Dad said, brushing the fringe back from my face.
I didn't listen, just shoved him away from me and ran. I had to get out, had to escape. I was choking in there. The pain was overwhelming me, constricting me.
I ran for a long time, not really paying attention, wishing the pain in my heart and my head would go away.
"Go to get rid of the pain," I mumbled, still running. "Gotta get rid of the pain."
I was surprised to find myself in the bathroom at home some time later, rummaging through the medicine cabinet.
"Gotta make the pain go away."
I was delirious. It is only now that I realize it, as I sit here and write. I was out of my mind, didn't know what I was doing. All I could think about was getting rid of the pain.
So when I took the whole bottle of aspirin, I thought I was doing myself a favor. I thought I was getting rid of the pain.
I was just damned lucky Dad had come home looking for me. Damned lucky I didn't die.
Voices were murmuring softly all around me. It was dark. It consumed me. I was frightened. Where was I?
Where was Tai? I needed Tai.
"...Tai.....?...."
"Thank God, he's coming around," someone said. Several other voices drifted in and out, but I couldn't understand them.
I couldn't focus on anything except the humongous headache I was currently suffering.
Then I was back in the darkness, and the voices were gone. Even the faint warmth that had briefly surrounded me was gone. I was alone again.
When I woke next, it was somewhat lighter. I still didn't know where I was. But the voices were still there. Not so many this time, perhaps, but still enough.
My eyes fluttered open.
I blinked at the intense brightness.
"Matt?" someone asked.
I moaned.
The pain in my head was so great.
"Matt, are you awake?"
"What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse.
"Thank God," a distant voice said.
"You swallowed a bottle of pills," the first voice told me.
Then the face that belonged to the voice came into focus. It was a doctor of some sort.
I was in a hospital.
I looked around.
Dad was sitting on a chair by my bed, and over in the corner, staring out the window, was Tai.
"Tai!" I cried.
He turned and smiled, but his face was all wet from crying. "Yamachan," he choked out. But he made no move to come nearer.
Hurt, I looked over at Dad.
"Dad, I'm awake," I whisphered.
He nodded, crying as well, but didn't say anything.
"I tried to kill myself," I said, the realization suddenly hitting me like a sack of wet potatoes.
Dad hesitated, then nodded again.
"I'm sorry."
Then I went to the darkness once more.
A week later I was able to stay awake for a whole day without passing out.
Dad was there constantly. Most of the time he cried. I hated it. I felt so guilty. He had just lost Takeru, and I had almost caused him to lose me too.
Tai and the other Chosen came to visit me as well, although none of them except Tai bothered to stay long. I think they felt uncomfortable around me. I didn't care. Them just being there was enough. At least they still came every day.
I was getting better each moment I was awake. But I knew I had reached a breakthrough the day the doctor came in and told me I could go home that afternoon.
"I can?" I asked warily. After being a month in this place, I was loath to believe everything people told me.
"Yes, you really can."
"Thank God," I murmured.
"Do you want to rest?" Dad asked, helping me into the house. I had been lying in a bed for a month, I wasn't used to walking anymore and my legs were still kinda weak.
I shook my head. "No, I've had enough of resting. I just want to be alone to think for awhile, if that's okay."
Dad nodded quietly. "Allright. And Yamato?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm still here if you need to talk to me."
I smiled. "I know. And I will, when I'm ready. I just want to sort everything out by myself first."
It's just so hard to accept.
Takeru's dead.
I don't blame Tai.
How could I?
It was self defense, after all.
Takeru had come at Tai with a knife.
He let his love destroy him.
Funny, though, how his own words came back to haunt him.
Both are sweet, but both can destroy you if you're not careful.
Those had been his words.
I'm sure he hadn't thought his love for me would destroy him.
But it had.
Why?
He didn't even really deserve it.
He didn't deserve to die.
But neither did Tai, and Takeru was willing for Tai to die.
I guess it was inevitable that Takeru's love destroyed him in the end.
And what about dad? Does he even know exactly what transpired between me and Tai and Takeru?
He doesn't say, but then again, he doesn't talk about any of it.
Not Takeru's death.
Not Tai's unintentional guilt.
Not my suicide attempt.
Not about anything.
Am I even ready to talk to him? So much has happened.
But I can't forget about Tai.
I haven't talked to Tai about it either.
He refuses to say anything on the matter as well.
Why?
Why is everyone avoiding the subject like it was the plague or something?
Tai's not afraid to be around me, is he?
Just because he killed Takeru?
But it was self defense. He had good reason.
Or was it?
It all happened so fast.
I barely saw what happened.
It was all one blur of motion.
No.
I can't think like that.
Of course it was self defense.
Takeru came at Tai with a knife.
Why do I find it so hard to accept that?
~ Both are sweet, but both can destroy you if you're not careful. Mom and Dad's love was like that. ~
Even now, Takeru's words still come back to haunt me.
Both can destroy you if you're not careful.
I got up and went into the living room where Dad was sitting on the couch, staring into space.
"Dad?"
He looked over at me.
"I think I'm ready to talk now."
"Takeru came at Tai with the knife? You're sure of this?"
I gave Dad a look. "Dad, I was there. Of course I'm sure. He was jealous I had slept with Tai and tried to kill him."
"Well then if that's true then Tai's just gotten a lucky break."
"What do you mean?"
"Your mom's been trying to get Tai convicted of first degree murder."
"WHAT?! Why? Didn't Tai defend himself?"
Dad shook his head. "He couldn't. He was in such a state of shock over Takeru's death and your near death he blocked every memory of that day out."
"Why would she try to convict him?"
"She's upset. She had to blame his death on somebody, couldn't accept it as an accident."
"Oh." I said in a small voice.
"But Yamato, now that you've told me what happened, it's likely he won't be convicted. There may not be a trial, if even anything at all."
"That's glad. I don't think I could live with having people thinking of my boyfriend as a murderer."
~three months later~
|Epilogue|
".....and in fact, Yagami Taichi killed Takaishi Takeru in nothing other than pure self defense." The gavel banged. "Case dismissed."
The court room began buzzing with the excited murmur of voices. People started milling about talking to each other.
"Taichan!" I called, running over to him and his lawyer. "Tai!"
He turned towards me as I caught him in a tight hug.
"Tai, you're not guilty!" I cried, passionately kissing him, tears running freely down my face.
He kissed me back with as much heartfelt passion as I was giving him.
"I know!" he exclaimed, starting to cry as well. "Oh Thank God Yamato! I'm glad I'm not gonna have to go to jail or anything. I mean, I'm sorry Takeru died, but still..."
"I know! I'm glad you're not going too!" I replied in between kisses.
A few people were starting to watch us with some amusement. The judges and policemen, the Yagami's, my dad, among others.
"Oh God, Taichan, I love you so much," I whisphered, suddenly overcome with emotion.
"I know, Yamachan. I love you too."
Then he gave me the longest, most deepest, kiss I've ever felt, so full of passion and lust.
I felt like my lungs would burst.
And yet, through it all, Takeru's words still haunted me.
Love and chocolate both may be sweet, but if you're not careful, they can be your demise.
In the end, both had been Takeru's destruction.
|But he's irresistible
Up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
irresistible to me|
©2001 butterflie August 12, 2001 Sunday 2:26 am
Author's Notes: I finally finished it! Yea! *peaceful sigh* I liked writing this. It was fun and kinda sad too. But it's over now, so on to something else that needs finishing. I'm writing this one where Tai and Matt keep trying to get it on, but every time something interrupts them. Its pretty good so far. Maybe it'll be out soon.
Oh, and the song describes Takeru's love for Yamato. I don't who it's by or what it's called, but I'll tell you now it's not mine. Anyways, give me questions, comments, whatever. Flames if you prefer, although I don't.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Angst/Romance - Review: 9 - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13864 - Updated: 10-11-01 - Published: 10-11-01
"Ahem," I said, clearing my throat after casting a sidelong glance at Tai.
Sora looked up expectantly, Ken and Daisuke paused from flirting with each other, Jyou stopped chewing his sandwich, and Izzy quit typing on his compact laptop. Why he brought it to lunch was a mystery to me, but whatever.
"Yes Matt?" Miyako asked.
"Tai and I have an announcement to make," I told them, and Sora narrowed her eyes at us.
"What announcement?" Ken wanted to know.
I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around Tai, pulling him close to me as he I said," Tai and I are dating."
We got mixed reactions. Ken and Daisuke were grinning at us and each other, Sora drew in a sharp breath, Izzy raised his eyebrows, Jyou just shrugged. Miyako squealed and exclaimed, "Oh how cute!"
After getting over her initial shock, Sora turned and glared at me. "Matt, you told me last night you weren't together."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't tell you without knowing how Tai felt about you knowing. Besides us, only Kari and Takeru had previously known," I informed her.
"Oh." She frowned.
"How long have you been dating?" Izzy asked us.
"Lessee...." Tai began counting on his fingers. "About four months, I think."
Jyou gaped at us. "Four months? And you're just now telling us?"
Tai shrugged. "Yeah."
"Weren't you scared about what we would think of you?" Daisuke asked us.
Tai gave him a funny look. "Of course we were, but we figured most of you would handle it well, even you younger Chosen." Then Tai gave him a knowing look and glanced over at Ken, then back at Daisuke just in time to catch the redhead's faint blush.
So had Tai had picked up on it too. I wonder if they were actually together, or both just knowing but too afraid to act on it.
"Well I for one am happy for you two," Miyako said. "I think you two are so cute together!"
"Thanks, Miyako," I said smiling for her.
"Hey, I'm happy for you too!" Dai exclaimed. "I was just wondering how they had the courage to come out to us, that's all."
I smiled knowingly at him. He blushed again and looked away.
Izzy opened his mouth to say something, but just then the bell rang.
Tai stood and looked down at me. "C'mon Yama, let's go before they change their minds and start hating us."
Ken snorted back a laugh. "Why would we want to hate you?" he asked, as Tai started dragging me away.
"He's just saying that!" I yelled. "He really just wants to make out, that's all!"
I laughed as I saw most of our friends faces going red.
Then I turned my attention to my boyfriend. "Tai," I laughed. "Stop pulling me! I have two feet, you know! I can walk on my own!"
Tai stopped short and released me, causing me to go tumbling to the floor.
"Taichi!" I cried, feigning annoyance.
"Sorry Matt," he said, grinning down at me.
I punched him lightly on the arm. "Meanie. You're not sorry one bit."
"Sure I am," he insisted, still grinning.
Then to my shock he leaned down and kissed me. Right there in the middle of the cafeteria.
A heard a few surprised gasps, then one of our non Chosen friends whistled. "Way to go Taichi! Matt!"
I blushed as Tai moved back, then reached up and pulled Tai down on the floor, kissing him back passionately.
All around us people broke out clapping, cheering, whistling.
Finally I released Tai and stood, giving him a seductive smile before purring, "I'll see you at my place after school, honey."
He gulped and stood on shaky feet, staring after me as I left to go to class, ignoring all the people around us chattering excitedly.
I wondered how long it would take to get round the whole school.
I just hope we wouldn't regret going public like that.
"Konnichiwa, Kasato-Sensei," I said tonelessly along with the rest of the class, glad this was the last period of the day.
I was starting to get sick of all the people coming up to me and asking if Tai and I had really kissed in the cafeteria.
Even some of my teachers had asked me that!
Besides, I was eager to ask Tai why he had done that. Not that I hadn't enjoyed it or anything, but .... it just kinda caught me off guard, I guess. But who I am to complain?
"Thinking about Tai again, Ishida-san?" Kasato Sensei's voice cut into my thoughts, and I looked up, surprised.
"Sensei?"
"I asked if you were thinking about Tai again. You seemed to be enjoying your thoughts very much."
I blushed and remained silent. Was there a person in the school who hadn't heard about us?
"Well?"
"Yes," I mumbled, and the class started laughing.
My face flushed even more.
"That's very amusing, Ishida-san. However, while I'm sure thinking about kissing your little boyfriend is a lot of fun, I would prefer it if you focused on more important subjects such as Japanese."
"Hai, Sensei," I muttered as he returned to the blackboard and began drawing the kanji for hasu. It was an easy word, but most of the class had trouble remembering the kanji for it, me included. I tried hard to pay attention, but my mind kept wandering back to Tai.
Why had he kissed me in front of everybody? At most we agreed to tell our Chosen friends. Even though the school didn't seem to be disgusted by it, how would the teachers take it? Or worse, the principal? Had she heard about our little episode in the cafeteria? The school was very strict about keeping romances out of the school. It was fine to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but hugging and kissing was frowned upon.
And Takeru. Oh my God. I'm sure he heard about me and Tai by now. What would he say about it?
Wait, why should I care what he thought about it? Tai was my boyfriend, not Takeru. But it had been Takeru I'd had sex with.
But who cares! That was only to make Takeru happy, nothing more! In a few weeks I wouldn't even have to go out with my brother. So stop worrying about what Takeru thinks. He doesn't matter.
But he does! He still cares about you, even if you don't care that way about him. Surely this would hurt his feelings.
This was all so confusing!
"Dammit!" I shouted in frustration, momentarily forgetting I was still in school.
Everyone in the room grew deadly silent and looked at me. Kasato-Sensei paused, chalk mid-air, and turned to face me.
But before he could even open his mouth, I leaped up, knocking my chair backwards, and raced out of the room. I didn't stop running until I was at home. Slamming the door, I leaned against it, breathing heavily, sweat streaking down my face.
"Dammit," I moaned.
"Yama.... how could you do that to me?"
"I'm sorry, Takeru," I pleaded desperately. "Besides, Tai kissed me first. Let me make it up to you somehow."
He sighed, pools of open hurt still reflected in his eyes. "Make it up how?"
I shrugged helplessly. "What do you want?"
"You," he told me softly.
I gulped. "You mean.... sex?"
He nodded. "I know I said it was just that once, but ever since it happened, I can't stop thinking about you. You're an addiction Yamato. I need more of you. I need more and more until I've finally had to much and I don't want anymore. Kinda like some people and chocolate. They're so addicted to it, they eat and eat and eat it, thinking they can never have too much chocolate until one day they wake up and think how much they hate chocolate. I'm like that, Yama. I feel that way about chocolate, so maybe I'll feel that way about you too."
"Takeru, love and chocolate are two differently things entirely." "How so?" he asked me, blue eyes fixed firmly upon my own in a defiant little gesture. "Both are sweet, but both can destroy you if you're not careful. Mom and Dad's love was like that."
I sighed in defeat. "Allright," I replied. "I'll have sex with you."
And maybe this time I wouldn't be so scared.
I wept softly, brokenly on Tai's chest. I had called him to come over after Takeru had left, and the second he walked in and saw me in my bed, huddled into a little ball, crying, he had got in next to me and pulled me close to him, holding me tightly.
"It happened again, didn't it?" he whisphered softly. "You had sex with him."
I nodded. "Don't be mad Tai. It's just... I can't explain to him why I don't want to, that I'm scared to."
He wiped a few stray hairs away from my face. "Shh, Yamachan. I'm not mad at you. Don't fret over it, okay? I understand."
"But I don't think you do," I sobbed. "After all, if I was doing it for Takeru to make him happy, why couldn't I do the same for you? Isn't that what you're thinking?"
"Of course not, koi. I don't want you to make love to me just to make me happy. I already am happy, just being with you. We won't do it until you're ready, okay?"
I sniffled. "Taichan...."
"Just don't think about it, Yama."
"Okay."
So it went on and on, an endless cycle, it seemed. Takeru would come over every day and I'd reluctantly be forced into agreeing to have sex with him. In the beginning, I wanted Tai to comfort me after it happened, but after several weeks I started feeling guilty about having sex with my brother, then turning around and telling Tai I wasn't ready. He said he understood, but I think he was starting to get pissed off about it.
I still hadn't talked to Dad.
And even though he didn't press that particular issue, I know he wanted to know. I could sense the unspoken questions in his every 'are you okay?' or 'how was your day?'. I could see it hidden within in his eyes, in the way he'd stare thoughtfully at me during dinner or while we sat in the living room, hanging out. It was our constant companion, that unspoken question, and was always hanging between us on its thin thread, fragile in its every way.
Several months of sex with Takeru and the unspoken question passed. Takeru only seemed to be more hopelessly in love with me than he had been in the first, and the thread dangled more dangerously than ever.
Until one night, something happened that ultimately caused the thread to snap.
School had let out a few days ago, and Tai was over at my house to stay the night. Earlier, I'd had a celebratory graduation party for all us senior Chosen, and after it was over, Tai decided to stay the night.
We'd been making out on the couch, both shirts long since shed, not caring that my dad could walk in the door any moment, and also completely forgetting the fact that he was actually away on a business trip for the weekend.
Then Tai's hand found the snap on my jeans and fumbled to undo them.
At first I stiffened, but after a few moments I realized the fear hadn't come this time, and I allowed Tai to undress us both.
Then he continued his earlier assault, nipping and licking his way down my chest.
I moaned as he bit down on a hardened nipple, and my hands reached up, entangling themselves in his hair, pulling him closer to me.
He paused in his ministrations and smiled down at me. "Is this okay Yamachan? Because I don't want to rush you."
"Oh God Tai," I gasped. "It's more than okay! Please!"
He smiled again, then frowned. "It will hurt," he whisphered. "I don't have any lube."
"I don't care," I choked out. And it was true. I didn't. The fear was surprisingly gone. All I wanted at that moment was for the one I loved to be inside me.
"If you're sure," he said a bit doubtfully.
"Oh God yes Tai. I'm more than ready! Now just get on with it before I explode!" I cried.
He didn't protest any more after that, just leaned down and kissed me deeply, passionately, as his founds roamed and found my rock hard shaft and started stroking gently.
I cried out and nearly came just at his touch. It felt so good....
Later after it was over I curled up in Tai's arms, exhausted and content.
We lay in comfortable silence for some time before Tai spoke softly. "Yamato?"
"Yeah?"
"Was it... okay?"
I smiled into the darkness and kissed Tai's forehead. "It was wonderful, Tai. You did good."
"I'm glad."
The next morning I woke to screaming.
"What the hell did you two think you were doing?!" a familiar voice yelled.
I sat up groggily, blinking sleep out of my eyes.
"Look Takaishi! He's my boyfriend, not yours! I can have sex with him if I want!" another voice yelled. Odd, that one sounded strangely familiar too.
Tai...?
And --- Takeru..?
"You're not to touch him Yagami! He's mine!"
"What in hell gave you that idea?" my boyfriend's voice retorted. "He doesn't love you!"
Me. They were arguing over me.
"He does too love me! More than he loves you!"
I blinked. "Tai? Takeru?"
They turned toward me simultaneously.
"Yama!" Takeru cried, running over to me and taking my hands in his. "How could you do that to me? I thought you loved me, right? Don't you love me more than Tai? You do, don't you?" he pleaded, turning his blue eyes upon me imploringly.
I shook my head. "I told you from the beginning I loved Tai, Takeru." I told him softly.
He stared at me sadly for a few moments, tears welling in his eyes, then abruptly got up and rushed into the kitchen.
Tai gave me a strange look, and I shrugged my shoulders.
The next few seconds seemed to happen all to fast, but yet they were the longest seconds of my life.
Tai and I were staring at the kitchen curiously, then all of a sudden Takeru is lunging at Tai, knife in hand.
I'm screaming.
Takeru is meaning to kill Tai.
Tai's trying to dodge the knife.
There's blood gushing from his forehead.
There's blood on Takeru too. I can't tell who's hurt.
Then they're both down and on the floor with a scream.
Everything's motionless.
Tai's up suddenly, breathing heavily, tears soaking his face, staring down at Takeru in surprise, holding a hand to the gash on his forehead.
Scarlet blood is slowly spreading from a hole in Takeru's chest where the knife had been.
I'm crying too, running towards Takeru, gathering him in my arms, not quite believing.
Tai's at the phone, calling for medical assistance. Then he's sinking down beside me, holding me and Takeru both.
We sit that way for hours, it seems, until medical attendants are pulling Takeru away from me, out of my arms.
I shriek, and beat my fists against them.
They can't take my brother away from me, no matter how much he may have wanted to hurt me or Tai.
Don't take Takeru away.
I'm still in a cloud of confusion and denial when Dad rushes in the hospital waiting room doors. He spots me immediately and comes over to me. We're the only ones in the room. The other Digidestined had been and left. Tai was going hysterical at home, afraid he was gonna go to jail. Mom was pacing impatiently up and down in front of the emergency room doors, where they were operating to try and save Takeru.
"Matt, are you all right? What happened?" Dad cried.
I just stared at him blankly, tears rolling down my face.
"Matt?"
"Mr. Ishida?" a voice asked, coming up behind us.
Dad turned. "Yes?"
"You were the father of Takaishi Takeru, were you not?"
"Were?" I said, my voice high pitched. "Were?"
My lips began to tremble, and Dad barely had time to pull me close to him in a tight hug before I let out a heartbroken wail.
The doctor nodded. "Yes. Your brother passed away at 11:47 a.m. I'm sorry. We did everything we could to save him."
"No!" I cried. "It's not true!"
"Yamato, don't," Dad said, brushing the fringe back from my face.
I didn't listen, just shoved him away from me and ran. I had to get out, had to escape. I was choking in there. The pain was overwhelming me, constricting me.
I ran for a long time, not really paying attention, wishing the pain in my heart and my head would go away.
"Go to get rid of the pain," I mumbled, still running. "Gotta get rid of the pain."
I was surprised to find myself in the bathroom at home some time later, rummaging through the medicine cabinet.
"Gotta make the pain go away."
I was delirious. It is only now that I realize it, as I sit here and write. I was out of my mind, didn't know what I was doing. All I could think about was getting rid of the pain.
So when I took the whole bottle of aspirin, I thought I was doing myself a favor. I thought I was getting rid of the pain.
I was just damned lucky Dad had come home looking for me. Damned lucky I didn't die.
Voices were murmuring softly all around me. It was dark. It consumed me. I was frightened. Where was I?
Where was Tai? I needed Tai.
"...Tai.....?...."
"Thank God, he's coming around," someone said. Several other voices drifted in and out, but I couldn't understand them.
I couldn't focus on anything except the humongous headache I was currently suffering.
Then I was back in the darkness, and the voices were gone. Even the faint warmth that had briefly surrounded me was gone. I was alone again.
When I woke next, it was somewhat lighter. I still didn't know where I was. But the voices were still there. Not so many this time, perhaps, but still enough.
My eyes fluttered open.
I blinked at the intense brightness.
"Matt?" someone asked.
I moaned.
The pain in my head was so great.
"Matt, are you awake?"
"What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse.
"Thank God," a distant voice said.
"You swallowed a bottle of pills," the first voice told me.
Then the face that belonged to the voice came into focus. It was a doctor of some sort.
I was in a hospital.
I looked around.
Dad was sitting on a chair by my bed, and over in the corner, staring out the window, was Tai.
"Tai!" I cried.
He turned and smiled, but his face was all wet from crying. "Yamachan," he choked out. But he made no move to come nearer.
Hurt, I looked over at Dad.
"Dad, I'm awake," I whisphered.
He nodded, crying as well, but didn't say anything.
"I tried to kill myself," I said, the realization suddenly hitting me like a sack of wet potatoes.
Dad hesitated, then nodded again.
"I'm sorry."
Then I went to the darkness once more.
A week later I was able to stay awake for a whole day without passing out.
Dad was there constantly. Most of the time he cried. I hated it. I felt so guilty. He had just lost Takeru, and I had almost caused him to lose me too.
Tai and the other Chosen came to visit me as well, although none of them except Tai bothered to stay long. I think they felt uncomfortable around me. I didn't care. Them just being there was enough. At least they still came every day.
I was getting better each moment I was awake. But I knew I had reached a breakthrough the day the doctor came in and told me I could go home that afternoon.
"I can?" I asked warily. After being a month in this place, I was loath to believe everything people told me.
"Yes, you really can."
"Thank God," I murmured.
"Do you want to rest?" Dad asked, helping me into the house. I had been lying in a bed for a month, I wasn't used to walking anymore and my legs were still kinda weak.
I shook my head. "No, I've had enough of resting. I just want to be alone to think for awhile, if that's okay."
Dad nodded quietly. "Allright. And Yamato?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm still here if you need to talk to me."
I smiled. "I know. And I will, when I'm ready. I just want to sort everything out by myself first."
It's just so hard to accept.
Takeru's dead.
I don't blame Tai.
How could I?
It was self defense, after all.
Takeru had come at Tai with a knife.
He let his love destroy him.
Funny, though, how his own words came back to haunt him.
Both are sweet, but both can destroy you if you're not careful.
Those had been his words.
I'm sure he hadn't thought his love for me would destroy him.
But it had.
Why?
He didn't even really deserve it.
He didn't deserve to die.
But neither did Tai, and Takeru was willing for Tai to die.
I guess it was inevitable that Takeru's love destroyed him in the end.
And what about dad? Does he even know exactly what transpired between me and Tai and Takeru?
He doesn't say, but then again, he doesn't talk about any of it.
Not Takeru's death.
Not Tai's unintentional guilt.
Not my suicide attempt.
Not about anything.
Am I even ready to talk to him? So much has happened.
But I can't forget about Tai.
I haven't talked to Tai about it either.
He refuses to say anything on the matter as well.
Why?
Why is everyone avoiding the subject like it was the plague or something?
Tai's not afraid to be around me, is he?
Just because he killed Takeru?
But it was self defense. He had good reason.
Or was it?
It all happened so fast.
I barely saw what happened.
It was all one blur of motion.
No.
I can't think like that.
Of course it was self defense.
Takeru came at Tai with a knife.
Why do I find it so hard to accept that?
~ Both are sweet, but both can destroy you if you're not careful. Mom and Dad's love was like that. ~
Even now, Takeru's words still come back to haunt me.
Both can destroy you if you're not careful.
I got up and went into the living room where Dad was sitting on the couch, staring into space.
"Dad?"
He looked over at me.
"I think I'm ready to talk now."
"Takeru came at Tai with the knife? You're sure of this?"
I gave Dad a look. "Dad, I was there. Of course I'm sure. He was jealous I had slept with Tai and tried to kill him."
"Well then if that's true then Tai's just gotten a lucky break."
"What do you mean?"
"Your mom's been trying to get Tai convicted of first degree murder."
"WHAT?! Why? Didn't Tai defend himself?"
Dad shook his head. "He couldn't. He was in such a state of shock over Takeru's death and your near death he blocked every memory of that day out."
"Why would she try to convict him?"
"She's upset. She had to blame his death on somebody, couldn't accept it as an accident."
"Oh." I said in a small voice.
"But Yamato, now that you've told me what happened, it's likely he won't be convicted. There may not be a trial, if even anything at all."
"That's glad. I don't think I could live with having people thinking of my boyfriend as a murderer."
~three months later~
|Epilogue|
".....and in fact, Yagami Taichi killed Takaishi Takeru in nothing other than pure self defense." The gavel banged. "Case dismissed."
The court room began buzzing with the excited murmur of voices. People started milling about talking to each other.
"Taichan!" I called, running over to him and his lawyer. "Tai!"
He turned towards me as I caught him in a tight hug.
"Tai, you're not guilty!" I cried, passionately kissing him, tears running freely down my face.
He kissed me back with as much heartfelt passion as I was giving him.
"I know!" he exclaimed, starting to cry as well. "Oh Thank God Yamato! I'm glad I'm not gonna have to go to jail or anything. I mean, I'm sorry Takeru died, but still..."
"I know! I'm glad you're not going too!" I replied in between kisses.
A few people were starting to watch us with some amusement. The judges and policemen, the Yagami's, my dad, among others.
"Oh God, Taichan, I love you so much," I whisphered, suddenly overcome with emotion.
"I know, Yamachan. I love you too."
Then he gave me the longest, most deepest, kiss I've ever felt, so full of passion and lust.
I felt like my lungs would burst.
And yet, through it all, Takeru's words still haunted me.
Love and chocolate both may be sweet, but if you're not careful, they can be your demise.
In the end, both had been Takeru's destruction.
|But he's irresistible
Up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
irresistible to me|
©2001 butterflie August 12, 2001 Sunday 2:26 am
Author's Notes: I finally finished it! Yea! *peaceful sigh* I liked writing this. It was fun and kinda sad too. But it's over now, so on to something else that needs finishing. I'm writing this one where Tai and Matt keep trying to get it on, but every time something interrupts them. Its pretty good so far. Maybe it'll be out soon.
Oh, and the song describes Takeru's love for Yamato. I don't who it's by or what it's called, but I'll tell you now it's not mine. Anyways, give me questions, comments, whatever. Flames if you prefer, although I don't.