Waiting, Book 2, Chapter 12
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: It's not mine, but I really don't care, because I have a new obsession: Full Metal Alchemist *-* I love that show! Song is Enya's Anywhere Is.
Author's Notes: Definitely not completing this by college, unless I work crazy mad. And since I'm hitting writer's block and all that crap, again, I don't see that happening. So uh... anyways. Like I said, it's near wrap-up. I expect about 16 chapters. There will be epilogues, but I don't know if they fall under the 16 chapters or not yet. I know how this ends, I just don't know how many chapters it will take ^^ But regardless, please enjoy, and sorry for making you guys wait three years for this thing!
--->Translation:
|none, yo|
Waiting
Chapter 12-Undeniable Hate
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|It's either this or that way
|It's one way or the other
|It should be one direction
|It could be on reflection
|The turn I have just taken
|The turn that I was making
|I might be just beginning
|I might be near the end|
"Hmmm.... Otousan, what day is it?"
"Wednesday."
Three days. Just three days ago Taichi and I had celebrated my birthday, had laughed and smiled with each other. It felt like so much longer. In three days, the world had fallen out from under my feet again, leaving me to deal with the shock of the aftermath.
Taichi was.... okay. After worrying myself sick over him, it turned out okay. But Kenji..
Kenji was another matter, one that still made me sick to my stomach to think about. Knowing Kenji is brother to the guys who almost killed me made me want to cry. It made me want to scream and throw things. It made me want to take him by the shoulders and shake him to death for never telling me. It made me want to kill myself so I wouldn't have to face the awful reality. At that last one, I looked over at 'tousan, feeling a little guilty. He'd be so upset if he knew what I was thinking. I still couldn't help remembering Saturday night, 'tousan's upset words, his tears. It had been a long time since I'd seen him cry.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Huh?" I lookeed up to find he'd stopped paying attention the tv and was now watching me.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked me again. His eyes studied my face, searching for a clue, some hint as to my thoughts.
"Oh... nothing... everything..." I said softly. "It doesn't matter."
"Are you worried about Taichi?"
I shook my head. "He's fine." I sighed. "Really, it's nothing, otousan."
He let the matter drop, though I could tell he clearly didn't want to. In a way, it was nice to have him finally be concerned this way about me. "You going back to school tomorrow?" he asked, kindly changing the subject.
I let out another sigh. "Yeah, I'm going. Though.." I'm afraid. Kento wouldn't be there. I had word from Dr. Kaos that he wasn't releasing Kento from the hospital for at least a week. But that did nothing about Sento, Tetsuya, and Ayashi. Any one of them could come after Taichi or me, wanting revenge. And they could hurt us bad. Real bad. The memory of Sento's knife sliding so effortlessy into my stomach was still very much in my mind, clear as anything. Also.. I know Sento had kept stabbing me after I'd already lost consciousness. They weren't looking to scare me, they were looking to kill me. I don't know why they hate me so much, but they do and there's nothing I can do to make it better.
And never mind that going to school tomorrow could easily get me killed; I had to face Kenji. Knowing what I now know... and having to live with that every day of my life, and having to face him, and talk to him like there was nothing wrong about it, and everything was cool between us.. I didn't know if I'd be able to do that, and still be able to live with myself afterwards. Hell, I didn't know if I'd even be able to just look him in the eye.
"Yamato?"
"Huh?" I jerked my head up, startled. I'd forgotten I'd been talking to 'tousan. "Ah, sorry otousan.. I'm going to my room for awhile, okay?"
He nodded. "Don't forget Takeru was supposed to stop by after school today."
"What?" I frowned, confused.
"Remember? You promised him a few weeks ago, because he wanted to do something with you for your birthday."
"Oh yeah.." I had forgotten. Damn. I really wanted to just go to my room and cry for awhile until I fell asleep. But it was already one, and just a few hours wasn't enough time. "Okay. I'll be ready." I got up from the couch and headed to my room. Once I got there, I flopped down on the bed and buried my head in my pillow, trying not to cry.
+-+-+-+
"So how are things between you and Daisuke?"
He shrugged, a small grin gracing his lips. "We're fine. We go out a lot."
"How's okaasan taking it?" I asked him curiously.
"Ah yeah.. about that.." he grimaced and scratched his head. "She doesn't exactly know."
"Takeru, you should tell her," I said, ever the all-knowing older brother.
"Why? I bet you didn't tell otousan about Taichi!" he shot back, challenging me.
"Well," I started, pausing to take another bite of soba. "Not at first. But that was different."
He gave me a disbelieving look, then looked around the restaraunt. "How is your being with a guy different from my being with a guy?" he asked in a low voice.
"It wasn't that. It was just.. with everything that happened and all.." I swallowed, still finding it hard to talk about with Takeru. After all, they'd known Ken better than I ever had. And I knew that Takeru had been close friends with Ken at one point. "I just didn't want to worry otousan, that's all," I finally finished.
"Well, I don't want to bother 'kaachan with it."
"You mean you're afraid of how she'll react to it."
He looked away, absently finishing off the last piece of takoyaki. "Well, that too.." he admitted softly. "How do I know that she'll be okay with it? What if she doesn't approve? What if she decides to disown me, or tries to turn me straight? I can't handle her throwing a bunch of girls at me in what will just be wasted effort."
"You'll never know if you never tell her," I pointed out.
"All the same, I think I'll wait awhile," he mumbled. "Can we go to the park for awhile? I'm tired of sitting in here."
"Sure," I said. I signaled a waiter, who brought us our checks. After paying, we headed over to the park, walking around aimlessly through it, not really speaking and not really needing to.
"'niichan?" Takeru eventually asked.
I looked over at him. "Hmm?"
"How come you never tell me anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well..." he scuffed his shoes at some stray sticks on the path. "Hikari told me what happened this past weekend."
Caught completely offguard, I stopped walking suddenly and just stared at him for a moment before looking away. "I see."
"Why didn't you tell me? You've hardly told me anything about what happened to you. You just leave me in the dark. Everyone does. I don't know what's going on, and I don't like it."
I didn't bother to respond, to say anything; instead, I just resumed walking.
"Niichan!" he cried, chasing after me. "Please..."
I ignored him, just continued on until I reached a tree and sat down. I motioned for him to sit next to me, which he did.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he repeated. "Why did you do it? I don't understand. Hikari said Miyako said something to you, but none of it makes sense to me.."
I sighed, a long defeated sigh. "You know about Ken, right? About what he did?"
"I know he hurt you and forced you to have sex with him. Otousan wouldn't tell me much more than that."
"Did you ever know that Ken put me in the hospital once?"
Takeru gaped at me, blue eyes wide. "For what?"
"He, uh.." I bit down on my lower lip, hating to have to talk about this. "He stabbed me with a knife..."
He just stared, in shock. "Why?"
I shook my head at him. "It's not important. I don't even know if there was ever a good reason. But he did it, and it landed me in the hospital. It was also that incident that made me tell otousan. Then of course Ken was arrested and there was a private trial. It ended up making it on the news anyways, though.."
"I stil don't understand. What does this have to do with whatever Miyako said?"
"Well, there a lot of people around who knew Ken that don't believe he did that to me. A lot of them think that we were dating and sleeping together, and that I got scared and cried rape on him.." I felt my eyes start to fill with bitter tears, thinking of everyone at school who'd said as much to my face, thinking of Miyako's accusing words. Doing all that stuff... get real. I pushed the memories away. "Of course, they can't account for the stab wounds, the broken arm, the bruises.." They don't see me at night, when I cry.. They don't know of the horrible nightmares I have, the fears and worries I've suffered since everything finally came to an end. They know nothing...
"And Miyako thought that? She thought you were lying about Ken?"
"I guess. She didn't think Ken could do that, that he would never do it, and that I was just crying rape. She said that to me, in so many words."
"So then.. why? Why did you hurt yourself?" His voice caught on the words, and when I looked over I could see him struggling not to cry. Takeru.. he'd been suffering a lot through all of this too. I hadn't even really thought about how it would affect him, assuming that he was living his life happily. How blind I've been. He's been hurt and confused and scared, all this time, and I've only made it worse by not talking to him about it.
"I didn't really do it on purpose, Takeru.. I wasn't really thinking.." Walking through the kitchen to escape Miyako's voice.. Seeing the knife in the sink, grabbing a hold of it without thinking about it.. the feel of it biting into my skin, and Mrs. Yagami coming in and seeing me holding the blade against my wrist, blood steadily trickling out.. "It's sort of hard to explain.."
"And what about all the other times? I suppose those are hard to explain too," he retorted, his voice a little bitter.
I winced. So he knew about those too. I wonder how.. I'd never told him, not wanting to worry him. "Takeru.."
"'kaachan told me. She said otousan told her, though you hadn't wanted to tell her anything either. But she saw the news anyways. Do you have any idea what that's like, niichan? To be sitting at the table eating supper, and to suddenly have your mother tell you that your oniisan has tried killing himself several times?"
"No.." I murmured. "Of course I don't.." I sighed, and looked at him. His head was down, blond hair covering his eyes. I saw a few drops of water splash on his head. "I'm sorry, otouto.."
He didn't bother to respond, so we sat in silence for some time. I kindly didn't look at him, knowning he didn't want me to see him cry.
After awhile, it began to grow dark, and I stood. I held out my hand to him. "Come on."
He grasped it, and I pulled him up. "Where are we going?"
"It's getting late. We should go home before Na-okaasan and 'tousan worry."
"Why do you always want to call her Natsuko?" she asked, a touch annoyed it sounded.
"Because that's her name," I replied, hoping he'd just drop it at that. He may have nothing against our mother, but I certainly do, and I don't like talking about it. Don't like talking about a lot of things, really.
He didn't drop it. "But you're not supposed to call her by her name.. So why do you? She's still your mother, even if you don't live with her."
"She's not my mother," I snarled, suddenly upset at him. "She stopped being my mother the day you were born!"
His eyes widened; he stopped walking and just looked at me. "I never asked to be her favourite," he said in a small voice that trembled when he spoke. "I never did anything to be.."
"Ah shit," I said dejectedly, hardly believing I'd said that out loud, to him. "Takeru, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.."
"Sure you did," he told me, voice still shaking slightly. "And I deserved it; after all, I asked."
I bit down on my lip and didn't say anything else, and the rest of the walk home was spent in silence.
+-+-+-+
"Tadaima, Otousan," I called, letting myself in.
"Okaeri, Matt. You have fun?" he asked as I walked past him into the kitchen.
"It was okay," I said, taking a cup down from the cabinet. I turned the sink faucet on and stuck the cup under it.
"Just 'okay'?"
"Yeah."
"What'd you guys do?"
I swallowed a mouthful of water before responding. "We went out to eat." I set the glass down on the counter. "Walked around and talked for awhile." I accidentally insulted him.
Otousan watched my face carefully, wondering what it was I wasn't telling him. Well, he wasn't getting out of me. I walked past him down the hallway. "I'm kind of tired. I'm going to go to bed."
"Alright. Don't forget you have school tomorrow."
I made a face. As if I needed reminding. I was terrified out of my mind at the thought of school. I waved my hand to let 'tousan know I heard, then headed off to my room. Stretching myself across my bed, I picked up the phone and called Taichi.
"Taichi, can you do me a favor?" I said once he'd picked up.
"Sure, anything for you Yama," he replied, sounding completely sincere. I bit back a groan.
"Can you have Hikari talk to Takeru for me? I sort of insulted him today without meaning to..."
"So why don't you talk to him?" he said reasonably.
"Well, he's sort of upset at me now, I think.. Please Taichi? Just so I can know how upset he is? And if he's mad at me?" I begged.
I heard him sigh, just a small one. "Sure, I guess. Do you want her to talk to him now?"
I shook my head, though I knew he couldn't see that. "No, just whenever she has a chance. Thanks, Taichi," I said softly.
"No problem," he said. "Look, I gotta go. Will you be at school tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Walk with me?"
"Sure. See you, Yama." He hung up, and I did too.
I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about school tomorrow; and ended up having that occupy my every thought.
I really didn't want to go back to school tomorrow. But I desperately needed to. When was the last time I had gone? I tried to think. Friday? Was it really only then? It seems as if it's been months since I last went.. But it had to have been Friday, because I stayed over at Taichi's that night. And then it was the weekend, and then Monday I stayed home and Taichi beat up Kento.. And yesterday I sat at home most of the day worried out of my mind about what would happen to Taichi, and throwing up every time I thought of Kenji. Then today.. and now I have to go back to school tomorrow. I thank God Taichi and I have every class together except for second. He'll be there to protect me from Sento. I'm not really worried about Tetsuya and Ayashi as much, they're complete cowards on their own. But Sento.. Sento is just as dangerous as Kento, maybe even more so. After all, Sento's the one with the knife.
But really, I don't think he'll do much there.. he'd be stupid to. It's a public place surrounded by tons of teachers and students, and I doubt Taichi will let me out of his sight if he can help it. And Taichi would kick Sento's ass before he ever even got near me. So there's really no reason to worry.
So why then, I am worried?
+-+-+-+
Beep! Beep! Be-
I groaned and cracked my eyes open, looking at the mess on my bedside table. "Damn," I mumbled. That's the third alarm clock I've managed to destroy this year. I'll have to remember to get a new one tonight.
Mumbling inaudible nonsense to myself, I slowly slid out of bed and stumbled over to my dresser, dragging clothes out of it. Never mind about Sento, I was too damn tired to want to go to school today.
I heard a knock at my door. "Matt, are you up?" Of course it was 'tousan.
I yawned, cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'm up," I called back. "Though I don't wanna be.." I said to myself as I pulled my clothes on. I opened the door and went into the bathroom, where I worked on getting my hair just so.
I'd just finished eating a piece of toast when the phone rang. "I got it!" I called, picking up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Yama?"
"Taichi? What's up?" I asked, confused. Why was he calling me? He was supposed to be on his way to my place.
"Yama, I'm sorry, I'm not going to school today."
I almost stopped breathing at that. "Why?" I asked in a small voice, fear already squeezing my chest tight.
"I'm sick," he said, and indeed he did sound sick. His voice was hoarse and didn't sound like his usual energetic self.
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to beg him, to plead with him to please just come to school, just today, for me. But I knew I couldn't do that. If he was sick, he needed to stay home and rest, get better. It'd be cruel to ask him to come to school just so I'd feel safe.
"Yama, I'm sorry," he said again.
"I-It's okay," I managed to somehow get out. "You just stay home and get better, okay? I'll come over later and baby you."
"Okay," he replied, probably smiling. "I'll look forward to it. You be careful, okay?"
"Sure," I said, doubting it. "I have to go now. I'll see you later. Feel better." I gently replaced the receiver and then leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling very weak. Go to school, all on my own? Today? This has to be a joke, or some kind of bad dream.
"Matt? Yamato?"
"Huh?" I turned my head and looked over at 'tousan, who had just walked into the room and was looking at me with some confusion, some concern.
"Are you okay?"
"Sure," I said, pushing myself away from the wall, wobbling slightly from the loss of support. My knees felt weak; I wanted to collapse.
"Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine. I need to go, I'll be late. Bye, otousan."
Most of the morning passed by in a blur of fear. I was constantly on alert for any of the gang, and I wasn't really paying attention in my classes. I probably got reprimanded a million and one times by my teachers. I barely heard the whispers of the students who still enjoyed gossiping about me, though I would have thought I'd be old news by now. I had none of the assignments due in my classes, and didn't do any of the work assigned me. However, by lunchtime, nothing had happened and I began to feel relatively safe. I was probably right last night in thinking they wouldn't try anything here. It's after school I'd have to worry about.
The bell rang to signal the end of fourth, and I absently gathered up my books and headed out in the hallway. Automatically I headed for this little-used bathroom that most of the students didn't even know about. I always went there after fourth, to wait out the lunch crowd so I could get my food pretty quickly once I got in line. I'd been doing this since I started high school, and I'd never had any problems with it or because of it.
I was just coming out of the bathroom to head for the lunchroom when suddenly I was slammed up against the wall, knocking the breath out of me. Hand roughly pinned my shoulders in place, and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't get free. Then I looked my attacker in the face and almost fainted.
Sento.
I told myself not to show him my fear, that I should stand up to him and let him know he can't beat me down so easy, but all I could manage to do was let out a little squeak of fear. Oh god, please don't let him have the knife. I don't want to die here, not like this... please...
I took a small breath, licked my lips nervously as he stared at me, a smug smile on his face and a mean look in his eyes.
"Let me go Sento," I get out, but the words lacked conviction or force.
He just laughed, an awful laugh that sent shivers down my spine. I started to struggle once more. I balled my hands into fists and tried to hit him, a move that was extremely stupid. But in my terror, all I can think about is getting out of this alive. I actually managed to hit him once on the leg, and my back momentarily wasn't touching the wall; however, he suddenly slammed me back against the wall once more, harder than before. I groaned at the pain and stared in terror at him, eyes wide. "Please don't hurt me," I whispered, causing him to laugh again. He leaned his face right in near mine, and gave me a cold smile. "Listen up Ishida, and listen up good," he said in a low voice. I breathed out slowly. "If you or your little boytoy Yagami there ever touch my brother again, I am seriously going to make you regret the day you were ever born. My brother gets out of the hospital Tuesday, and you just better watch your back, otherwise you'll find yourself in deeper shit than you're currently in. No one, and I mean no one, hurts my brother and gets away with it. I hope you understand that."
I swallowed, and gave him a small nod. "Clearly," I said, my voice shaking.
He smirked, and shoved me against the wall one last time for good measure, then let me go and disappeared. I took a few deep breaths and slid against the wall down to the floor, too weak from fear to hold myself up. And here I was thinking myself safe now. Oh god, Taichi and I are in huge trouble now.. Christ, why did Taichi have to go and attack Kento like that? Come to that, why did I ever have to tell him in the first place? Life was so much simpler when I had kept my mouth shut.
+-+-+-+
The rest of the week passed slowly. Taichi had strep, nothing serious, so I spent a lot of my free time at his house, babying him. I told no one about the incident with Sento. I thought it was just an idle threat, nothing too serious. I didn't want everyone to get worried about me, and I didn't want to get Taichi all riled up again. But perhaps I should have told someone. If I had, maybe then what happened to Kenji never would have happened, and we'd all be a lot happier. Things could have been a lot of different. But I never said a word.
And I patched things up with Takeru, although it took a lot of apologizing and pleading for forgiveness. Hikari had talked to him, and found out he was a lot more hurt and upset than he'd let on to me. She said he ranted at her for a solid hour, and would have gone on even longer if she hadn't decided it'd be wise to interrupt.
Monday finally rolled around, and I was a wreck. Kento was to be released tomorrow, and though I'd had no further contact with Sento, and only a very brief warning from Ayashi, I was terrified out of my mind. I had no idea what kind of shape he was in, and if he was planning on getting on revenge. Kento had a restraining order against Taichi, but there was no such order for me. And it wasn't likely the restraining order would stop Kento from hurting Taichi, if he so desired. I wished I could ask Kenji about them, but I hadn't seen him since the night at the hospital. He hadn't been to school, and neither he or Ny showed up at our scheduled band practice Friday night. Ny's excuse was that he'd been sick. As for Kenji, none of us had any idea, and none of us particularly wanted to go over to his house right now. Not in light of everything that was going on. I kind of thought that he was staying at the hospital because of Kento. Not that I thought he was there as support or anything; Taichi had told me about the conversation between him and Kenji at the hospital early that next morning. But it would still look bad if he didn't stay.
But now it was Monday, and Kento would be free to roam the streets again tomorrow. Would he come after me? Taichi? Another one of my friends? There was no way to know until something happened, and the only sure-fire way of avoiding anything was to stay indoors-something impossible with school. If I had any hope of graduating with my class, I couldn't miss another day.
"Are you worried?"
"Huh?" It was after school, and Taichi and I were over at my apartment. We were sitting on the couch, the tv tuned in to some show neither of us were really paying attention to. I'm sure both of us were thinking about tomorrow, and worrying about it.
"Are you worried?" he repeated. "About Kento being released tomorrow?"
I shrug half-heartedly. "Yeah. A little. Aren't you?"
He smiled, though nothing was really funny. "Of course."
I sighed, and snuggled up closer to his side. He put his arm around me, and started to run his hand lightly through my hair, making me smile. "Do you think anything will happen?" I mumbled, the worry and tension of the past few days starting to slowly drain out of my body.
His hand paused, resting on top of my head for a moment. I looked up at him, concerned. "Taichi?"
"I don't know," he said at last.
"You're not thinking of going after them, are you? Not again?" I was alarmed. Surely not! That'd be complete stupidity.
His hand resumed, and he shook his head. "No. I don't want to do that. Not only would it be stupid, it'd serve no purpose."
I breathed out in relief. "Good. Because I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."
He shifted away from me, his hand leaving my head to grasp my chin lightly. He lifted it up and looked me in the face, then leaned down and kissed me. "Nothing will happen to me," he murmured, kissing me again.
I melted into the kiss, and lay back on the couch, pulling him down on top of me. We continued kissing for some minutes, tongues dancing and hands roaming. After a few minutes of pure bliss, we came up for air. "You promise?" I asked him, somewhat breathless. His hands tugged at my shirt, pulling it up, and I lifted myself up some, helping him so he could get it off. "I promise," he breathed, then covered my mouth with his once more.
Later, after we'd finished and he was resting comfortably on top of me, his head buried in my chest, I had another thought. "What if he comes after me?"
Taichi lifted up his head wearily and looked at me. "He'll have to get through me first, Yama. I'm not letting you out of my sight."
"You can't be with me 24/7, Tai," I pointed out reasonably.
"I'll be with you every moment it counts, and to me that's 24/7. I won't let anything happen to you either, I promise."
"You shouldn't make promises you don't know you can keep."
He just gave me a soft smile. "This is one I definitely mean to keep."
End Part 12.
Author's Notes: Aw damn. Didn't get it finished before college. *sigh* College sucks major ass, by the way. But I don't wanna talk about it. At any rate, sorry chapter 12 took so long. It was actually mostly done ^^; And now it is, so yay!! Will start work on 13, but no promises as to when it will be out.
part thirteen:one
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: It's not mine, but I really don't care, because I have a new obsession: Full Metal Alchemist *-* I love that show! Song is Enya's Anywhere Is.
Author's Notes: Definitely not completing this by college, unless I work crazy mad. And since I'm hitting writer's block and all that crap, again, I don't see that happening. So uh... anyways. Like I said, it's near wrap-up. I expect about 16 chapters. There will be epilogues, but I don't know if they fall under the 16 chapters or not yet. I know how this ends, I just don't know how many chapters it will take ^^ But regardless, please enjoy, and sorry for making you guys wait three years for this thing!
--->Translation:
|none, yo|
Waiting
Chapter 12-Undeniable Hate
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|It's either this or that way
|It's one way or the other
|It should be one direction
|It could be on reflection
|The turn I have just taken
|The turn that I was making
|I might be just beginning
|I might be near the end|
"Hmmm.... Otousan, what day is it?"
"Wednesday."
Three days. Just three days ago Taichi and I had celebrated my birthday, had laughed and smiled with each other. It felt like so much longer. In three days, the world had fallen out from under my feet again, leaving me to deal with the shock of the aftermath.
Taichi was.... okay. After worrying myself sick over him, it turned out okay. But Kenji..
Kenji was another matter, one that still made me sick to my stomach to think about. Knowing Kenji is brother to the guys who almost killed me made me want to cry. It made me want to scream and throw things. It made me want to take him by the shoulders and shake him to death for never telling me. It made me want to kill myself so I wouldn't have to face the awful reality. At that last one, I looked over at 'tousan, feeling a little guilty. He'd be so upset if he knew what I was thinking. I still couldn't help remembering Saturday night, 'tousan's upset words, his tears. It had been a long time since I'd seen him cry.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Huh?" I lookeed up to find he'd stopped paying attention the tv and was now watching me.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked me again. His eyes studied my face, searching for a clue, some hint as to my thoughts.
"Oh... nothing... everything..." I said softly. "It doesn't matter."
"Are you worried about Taichi?"
I shook my head. "He's fine." I sighed. "Really, it's nothing, otousan."
He let the matter drop, though I could tell he clearly didn't want to. In a way, it was nice to have him finally be concerned this way about me. "You going back to school tomorrow?" he asked, kindly changing the subject.
I let out another sigh. "Yeah, I'm going. Though.." I'm afraid. Kento wouldn't be there. I had word from Dr. Kaos that he wasn't releasing Kento from the hospital for at least a week. But that did nothing about Sento, Tetsuya, and Ayashi. Any one of them could come after Taichi or me, wanting revenge. And they could hurt us bad. Real bad. The memory of Sento's knife sliding so effortlessy into my stomach was still very much in my mind, clear as anything. Also.. I know Sento had kept stabbing me after I'd already lost consciousness. They weren't looking to scare me, they were looking to kill me. I don't know why they hate me so much, but they do and there's nothing I can do to make it better.
And never mind that going to school tomorrow could easily get me killed; I had to face Kenji. Knowing what I now know... and having to live with that every day of my life, and having to face him, and talk to him like there was nothing wrong about it, and everything was cool between us.. I didn't know if I'd be able to do that, and still be able to live with myself afterwards. Hell, I didn't know if I'd even be able to just look him in the eye.
"Yamato?"
"Huh?" I jerked my head up, startled. I'd forgotten I'd been talking to 'tousan. "Ah, sorry otousan.. I'm going to my room for awhile, okay?"
He nodded. "Don't forget Takeru was supposed to stop by after school today."
"What?" I frowned, confused.
"Remember? You promised him a few weeks ago, because he wanted to do something with you for your birthday."
"Oh yeah.." I had forgotten. Damn. I really wanted to just go to my room and cry for awhile until I fell asleep. But it was already one, and just a few hours wasn't enough time. "Okay. I'll be ready." I got up from the couch and headed to my room. Once I got there, I flopped down on the bed and buried my head in my pillow, trying not to cry.
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"So how are things between you and Daisuke?"
He shrugged, a small grin gracing his lips. "We're fine. We go out a lot."
"How's okaasan taking it?" I asked him curiously.
"Ah yeah.. about that.." he grimaced and scratched his head. "She doesn't exactly know."
"Takeru, you should tell her," I said, ever the all-knowing older brother.
"Why? I bet you didn't tell otousan about Taichi!" he shot back, challenging me.
"Well," I started, pausing to take another bite of soba. "Not at first. But that was different."
He gave me a disbelieving look, then looked around the restaraunt. "How is your being with a guy different from my being with a guy?" he asked in a low voice.
"It wasn't that. It was just.. with everything that happened and all.." I swallowed, still finding it hard to talk about with Takeru. After all, they'd known Ken better than I ever had. And I knew that Takeru had been close friends with Ken at one point. "I just didn't want to worry otousan, that's all," I finally finished.
"Well, I don't want to bother 'kaachan with it."
"You mean you're afraid of how she'll react to it."
He looked away, absently finishing off the last piece of takoyaki. "Well, that too.." he admitted softly. "How do I know that she'll be okay with it? What if she doesn't approve? What if she decides to disown me, or tries to turn me straight? I can't handle her throwing a bunch of girls at me in what will just be wasted effort."
"You'll never know if you never tell her," I pointed out.
"All the same, I think I'll wait awhile," he mumbled. "Can we go to the park for awhile? I'm tired of sitting in here."
"Sure," I said. I signaled a waiter, who brought us our checks. After paying, we headed over to the park, walking around aimlessly through it, not really speaking and not really needing to.
"'niichan?" Takeru eventually asked.
I looked over at him. "Hmm?"
"How come you never tell me anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well..." he scuffed his shoes at some stray sticks on the path. "Hikari told me what happened this past weekend."
Caught completely offguard, I stopped walking suddenly and just stared at him for a moment before looking away. "I see."
"Why didn't you tell me? You've hardly told me anything about what happened to you. You just leave me in the dark. Everyone does. I don't know what's going on, and I don't like it."
I didn't bother to respond, to say anything; instead, I just resumed walking.
"Niichan!" he cried, chasing after me. "Please..."
I ignored him, just continued on until I reached a tree and sat down. I motioned for him to sit next to me, which he did.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he repeated. "Why did you do it? I don't understand. Hikari said Miyako said something to you, but none of it makes sense to me.."
I sighed, a long defeated sigh. "You know about Ken, right? About what he did?"
"I know he hurt you and forced you to have sex with him. Otousan wouldn't tell me much more than that."
"Did you ever know that Ken put me in the hospital once?"
Takeru gaped at me, blue eyes wide. "For what?"
"He, uh.." I bit down on my lower lip, hating to have to talk about this. "He stabbed me with a knife..."
He just stared, in shock. "Why?"
I shook my head at him. "It's not important. I don't even know if there was ever a good reason. But he did it, and it landed me in the hospital. It was also that incident that made me tell otousan. Then of course Ken was arrested and there was a private trial. It ended up making it on the news anyways, though.."
"I stil don't understand. What does this have to do with whatever Miyako said?"
"Well, there a lot of people around who knew Ken that don't believe he did that to me. A lot of them think that we were dating and sleeping together, and that I got scared and cried rape on him.." I felt my eyes start to fill with bitter tears, thinking of everyone at school who'd said as much to my face, thinking of Miyako's accusing words. Doing all that stuff... get real. I pushed the memories away. "Of course, they can't account for the stab wounds, the broken arm, the bruises.." They don't see me at night, when I cry.. They don't know of the horrible nightmares I have, the fears and worries I've suffered since everything finally came to an end. They know nothing...
"And Miyako thought that? She thought you were lying about Ken?"
"I guess. She didn't think Ken could do that, that he would never do it, and that I was just crying rape. She said that to me, in so many words."
"So then.. why? Why did you hurt yourself?" His voice caught on the words, and when I looked over I could see him struggling not to cry. Takeru.. he'd been suffering a lot through all of this too. I hadn't even really thought about how it would affect him, assuming that he was living his life happily. How blind I've been. He's been hurt and confused and scared, all this time, and I've only made it worse by not talking to him about it.
"I didn't really do it on purpose, Takeru.. I wasn't really thinking.." Walking through the kitchen to escape Miyako's voice.. Seeing the knife in the sink, grabbing a hold of it without thinking about it.. the feel of it biting into my skin, and Mrs. Yagami coming in and seeing me holding the blade against my wrist, blood steadily trickling out.. "It's sort of hard to explain.."
"And what about all the other times? I suppose those are hard to explain too," he retorted, his voice a little bitter.
I winced. So he knew about those too. I wonder how.. I'd never told him, not wanting to worry him. "Takeru.."
"'kaachan told me. She said otousan told her, though you hadn't wanted to tell her anything either. But she saw the news anyways. Do you have any idea what that's like, niichan? To be sitting at the table eating supper, and to suddenly have your mother tell you that your oniisan has tried killing himself several times?"
"No.." I murmured. "Of course I don't.." I sighed, and looked at him. His head was down, blond hair covering his eyes. I saw a few drops of water splash on his head. "I'm sorry, otouto.."
He didn't bother to respond, so we sat in silence for some time. I kindly didn't look at him, knowning he didn't want me to see him cry.
After awhile, it began to grow dark, and I stood. I held out my hand to him. "Come on."
He grasped it, and I pulled him up. "Where are we going?"
"It's getting late. We should go home before Na-okaasan and 'tousan worry."
"Why do you always want to call her Natsuko?" she asked, a touch annoyed it sounded.
"Because that's her name," I replied, hoping he'd just drop it at that. He may have nothing against our mother, but I certainly do, and I don't like talking about it. Don't like talking about a lot of things, really.
He didn't drop it. "But you're not supposed to call her by her name.. So why do you? She's still your mother, even if you don't live with her."
"She's not my mother," I snarled, suddenly upset at him. "She stopped being my mother the day you were born!"
His eyes widened; he stopped walking and just looked at me. "I never asked to be her favourite," he said in a small voice that trembled when he spoke. "I never did anything to be.."
"Ah shit," I said dejectedly, hardly believing I'd said that out loud, to him. "Takeru, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.."
"Sure you did," he told me, voice still shaking slightly. "And I deserved it; after all, I asked."
I bit down on my lip and didn't say anything else, and the rest of the walk home was spent in silence.
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"Tadaima, Otousan," I called, letting myself in.
"Okaeri, Matt. You have fun?" he asked as I walked past him into the kitchen.
"It was okay," I said, taking a cup down from the cabinet. I turned the sink faucet on and stuck the cup under it.
"Just 'okay'?"
"Yeah."
"What'd you guys do?"
I swallowed a mouthful of water before responding. "We went out to eat." I set the glass down on the counter. "Walked around and talked for awhile." I accidentally insulted him.
Otousan watched my face carefully, wondering what it was I wasn't telling him. Well, he wasn't getting out of me. I walked past him down the hallway. "I'm kind of tired. I'm going to go to bed."
"Alright. Don't forget you have school tomorrow."
I made a face. As if I needed reminding. I was terrified out of my mind at the thought of school. I waved my hand to let 'tousan know I heard, then headed off to my room. Stretching myself across my bed, I picked up the phone and called Taichi.
"Taichi, can you do me a favor?" I said once he'd picked up.
"Sure, anything for you Yama," he replied, sounding completely sincere. I bit back a groan.
"Can you have Hikari talk to Takeru for me? I sort of insulted him today without meaning to..."
"So why don't you talk to him?" he said reasonably.
"Well, he's sort of upset at me now, I think.. Please Taichi? Just so I can know how upset he is? And if he's mad at me?" I begged.
I heard him sigh, just a small one. "Sure, I guess. Do you want her to talk to him now?"
I shook my head, though I knew he couldn't see that. "No, just whenever she has a chance. Thanks, Taichi," I said softly.
"No problem," he said. "Look, I gotta go. Will you be at school tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Walk with me?"
"Sure. See you, Yama." He hung up, and I did too.
I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about school tomorrow; and ended up having that occupy my every thought.
I really didn't want to go back to school tomorrow. But I desperately needed to. When was the last time I had gone? I tried to think. Friday? Was it really only then? It seems as if it's been months since I last went.. But it had to have been Friday, because I stayed over at Taichi's that night. And then it was the weekend, and then Monday I stayed home and Taichi beat up Kento.. And yesterday I sat at home most of the day worried out of my mind about what would happen to Taichi, and throwing up every time I thought of Kenji. Then today.. and now I have to go back to school tomorrow. I thank God Taichi and I have every class together except for second. He'll be there to protect me from Sento. I'm not really worried about Tetsuya and Ayashi as much, they're complete cowards on their own. But Sento.. Sento is just as dangerous as Kento, maybe even more so. After all, Sento's the one with the knife.
But really, I don't think he'll do much there.. he'd be stupid to. It's a public place surrounded by tons of teachers and students, and I doubt Taichi will let me out of his sight if he can help it. And Taichi would kick Sento's ass before he ever even got near me. So there's really no reason to worry.
So why then, I am worried?
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Beep! Beep! Be-
I groaned and cracked my eyes open, looking at the mess on my bedside table. "Damn," I mumbled. That's the third alarm clock I've managed to destroy this year. I'll have to remember to get a new one tonight.
Mumbling inaudible nonsense to myself, I slowly slid out of bed and stumbled over to my dresser, dragging clothes out of it. Never mind about Sento, I was too damn tired to want to go to school today.
I heard a knock at my door. "Matt, are you up?" Of course it was 'tousan.
I yawned, cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'm up," I called back. "Though I don't wanna be.." I said to myself as I pulled my clothes on. I opened the door and went into the bathroom, where I worked on getting my hair just so.
I'd just finished eating a piece of toast when the phone rang. "I got it!" I called, picking up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Yama?"
"Taichi? What's up?" I asked, confused. Why was he calling me? He was supposed to be on his way to my place.
"Yama, I'm sorry, I'm not going to school today."
I almost stopped breathing at that. "Why?" I asked in a small voice, fear already squeezing my chest tight.
"I'm sick," he said, and indeed he did sound sick. His voice was hoarse and didn't sound like his usual energetic self.
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to beg him, to plead with him to please just come to school, just today, for me. But I knew I couldn't do that. If he was sick, he needed to stay home and rest, get better. It'd be cruel to ask him to come to school just so I'd feel safe.
"Yama, I'm sorry," he said again.
"I-It's okay," I managed to somehow get out. "You just stay home and get better, okay? I'll come over later and baby you."
"Okay," he replied, probably smiling. "I'll look forward to it. You be careful, okay?"
"Sure," I said, doubting it. "I have to go now. I'll see you later. Feel better." I gently replaced the receiver and then leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling very weak. Go to school, all on my own? Today? This has to be a joke, or some kind of bad dream.
"Matt? Yamato?"
"Huh?" I turned my head and looked over at 'tousan, who had just walked into the room and was looking at me with some confusion, some concern.
"Are you okay?"
"Sure," I said, pushing myself away from the wall, wobbling slightly from the loss of support. My knees felt weak; I wanted to collapse.
"Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine. I need to go, I'll be late. Bye, otousan."
Most of the morning passed by in a blur of fear. I was constantly on alert for any of the gang, and I wasn't really paying attention in my classes. I probably got reprimanded a million and one times by my teachers. I barely heard the whispers of the students who still enjoyed gossiping about me, though I would have thought I'd be old news by now. I had none of the assignments due in my classes, and didn't do any of the work assigned me. However, by lunchtime, nothing had happened and I began to feel relatively safe. I was probably right last night in thinking they wouldn't try anything here. It's after school I'd have to worry about.
The bell rang to signal the end of fourth, and I absently gathered up my books and headed out in the hallway. Automatically I headed for this little-used bathroom that most of the students didn't even know about. I always went there after fourth, to wait out the lunch crowd so I could get my food pretty quickly once I got in line. I'd been doing this since I started high school, and I'd never had any problems with it or because of it.
I was just coming out of the bathroom to head for the lunchroom when suddenly I was slammed up against the wall, knocking the breath out of me. Hand roughly pinned my shoulders in place, and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't get free. Then I looked my attacker in the face and almost fainted.
Sento.
I told myself not to show him my fear, that I should stand up to him and let him know he can't beat me down so easy, but all I could manage to do was let out a little squeak of fear. Oh god, please don't let him have the knife. I don't want to die here, not like this... please...
I took a small breath, licked my lips nervously as he stared at me, a smug smile on his face and a mean look in his eyes.
"Let me go Sento," I get out, but the words lacked conviction or force.
He just laughed, an awful laugh that sent shivers down my spine. I started to struggle once more. I balled my hands into fists and tried to hit him, a move that was extremely stupid. But in my terror, all I can think about is getting out of this alive. I actually managed to hit him once on the leg, and my back momentarily wasn't touching the wall; however, he suddenly slammed me back against the wall once more, harder than before. I groaned at the pain and stared in terror at him, eyes wide. "Please don't hurt me," I whispered, causing him to laugh again. He leaned his face right in near mine, and gave me a cold smile. "Listen up Ishida, and listen up good," he said in a low voice. I breathed out slowly. "If you or your little boytoy Yagami there ever touch my brother again, I am seriously going to make you regret the day you were ever born. My brother gets out of the hospital Tuesday, and you just better watch your back, otherwise you'll find yourself in deeper shit than you're currently in. No one, and I mean no one, hurts my brother and gets away with it. I hope you understand that."
I swallowed, and gave him a small nod. "Clearly," I said, my voice shaking.
He smirked, and shoved me against the wall one last time for good measure, then let me go and disappeared. I took a few deep breaths and slid against the wall down to the floor, too weak from fear to hold myself up. And here I was thinking myself safe now. Oh god, Taichi and I are in huge trouble now.. Christ, why did Taichi have to go and attack Kento like that? Come to that, why did I ever have to tell him in the first place? Life was so much simpler when I had kept my mouth shut.
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The rest of the week passed slowly. Taichi had strep, nothing serious, so I spent a lot of my free time at his house, babying him. I told no one about the incident with Sento. I thought it was just an idle threat, nothing too serious. I didn't want everyone to get worried about me, and I didn't want to get Taichi all riled up again. But perhaps I should have told someone. If I had, maybe then what happened to Kenji never would have happened, and we'd all be a lot happier. Things could have been a lot of different. But I never said a word.
And I patched things up with Takeru, although it took a lot of apologizing and pleading for forgiveness. Hikari had talked to him, and found out he was a lot more hurt and upset than he'd let on to me. She said he ranted at her for a solid hour, and would have gone on even longer if she hadn't decided it'd be wise to interrupt.
Monday finally rolled around, and I was a wreck. Kento was to be released tomorrow, and though I'd had no further contact with Sento, and only a very brief warning from Ayashi, I was terrified out of my mind. I had no idea what kind of shape he was in, and if he was planning on getting on revenge. Kento had a restraining order against Taichi, but there was no such order for me. And it wasn't likely the restraining order would stop Kento from hurting Taichi, if he so desired. I wished I could ask Kenji about them, but I hadn't seen him since the night at the hospital. He hadn't been to school, and neither he or Ny showed up at our scheduled band practice Friday night. Ny's excuse was that he'd been sick. As for Kenji, none of us had any idea, and none of us particularly wanted to go over to his house right now. Not in light of everything that was going on. I kind of thought that he was staying at the hospital because of Kento. Not that I thought he was there as support or anything; Taichi had told me about the conversation between him and Kenji at the hospital early that next morning. But it would still look bad if he didn't stay.
But now it was Monday, and Kento would be free to roam the streets again tomorrow. Would he come after me? Taichi? Another one of my friends? There was no way to know until something happened, and the only sure-fire way of avoiding anything was to stay indoors-something impossible with school. If I had any hope of graduating with my class, I couldn't miss another day.
"Are you worried?"
"Huh?" It was after school, and Taichi and I were over at my apartment. We were sitting on the couch, the tv tuned in to some show neither of us were really paying attention to. I'm sure both of us were thinking about tomorrow, and worrying about it.
"Are you worried?" he repeated. "About Kento being released tomorrow?"
I shrug half-heartedly. "Yeah. A little. Aren't you?"
He smiled, though nothing was really funny. "Of course."
I sighed, and snuggled up closer to his side. He put his arm around me, and started to run his hand lightly through my hair, making me smile. "Do you think anything will happen?" I mumbled, the worry and tension of the past few days starting to slowly drain out of my body.
His hand paused, resting on top of my head for a moment. I looked up at him, concerned. "Taichi?"
"I don't know," he said at last.
"You're not thinking of going after them, are you? Not again?" I was alarmed. Surely not! That'd be complete stupidity.
His hand resumed, and he shook his head. "No. I don't want to do that. Not only would it be stupid, it'd serve no purpose."
I breathed out in relief. "Good. Because I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."
He shifted away from me, his hand leaving my head to grasp my chin lightly. He lifted it up and looked me in the face, then leaned down and kissed me. "Nothing will happen to me," he murmured, kissing me again.
I melted into the kiss, and lay back on the couch, pulling him down on top of me. We continued kissing for some minutes, tongues dancing and hands roaming. After a few minutes of pure bliss, we came up for air. "You promise?" I asked him, somewhat breathless. His hands tugged at my shirt, pulling it up, and I lifted myself up some, helping him so he could get it off. "I promise," he breathed, then covered my mouth with his once more.
Later, after we'd finished and he was resting comfortably on top of me, his head buried in my chest, I had another thought. "What if he comes after me?"
Taichi lifted up his head wearily and looked at me. "He'll have to get through me first, Yama. I'm not letting you out of my sight."
"You can't be with me 24/7, Tai," I pointed out reasonably.
"I'll be with you every moment it counts, and to me that's 24/7. I won't let anything happen to you either, I promise."
"You shouldn't make promises you don't know you can keep."
He just gave me a soft smile. "This is one I definitely mean to keep."
End Part 12.
Author's Notes: Aw damn. Didn't get it finished before college. *sigh* College sucks major ass, by the way. But I don't wanna talk about it. At any rate, sorry chapter 12 took so long. It was actually mostly done ^^; And now it is, so yay!! Will start work on 13, but no promises as to when it will be out.
part thirteen:one