Waiting, Book 1, Chapter 3:2
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Toei's. And the song is Butterfly, by Wada Kouji.
--->Translation:
|After an endless dream, in this miserable world,
|That's right, maybe not using common sense isn't so bad after all,
|Even with these awkward wings, dyed with images that seem to stay,
|I'm sure we can fly on my love.|
Waiting
Chapter 3:Part 2-These Tainted Wings
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|Mugendai na yume no ato no yarusenai yo no naka ja
|Sou sa joushiki hazure mo waruku wa nai ka na
|Stay shisou na imeeji wo someta gikochina tsubasa demo
|Kitto toberu sa on my love|
When I woke the next morning, Matt was still curled up next to me. I smiled, thinking of his kiss last night. Matt... so vulnerable... he'd been through so much, and after all that, he still wanted to be with me.
Just then a knock sounded on the door. "Matt? Tai? Are you two awake yet?" Quickly I shied away from Matt, just as Mr. Ishida opened the door. Well, I didn't want him to know about Matt and me!
He poked his head in, looked around, and saw me blinking sleepily at him.
"Mornin Mr. Ishida," I said in a voice that was only half present. The other half was still sleeping.
"Morning, Tai. Matt awake yet?"
I shook my head. "I don't think so. I just woke up a literal minute ago, myself."
He nodded. "He'll probably sleep a few more hours, after what he went through last night."
"Yeah," I said noncommittally. I didn't want to think about Matt's obvious problems. "What time is it?"
"About one o' clock."
"What?!" I yelped. "One o' clock! I never sleep that late, not even on weekends! And today is a school day! Oh crap, school! Ny's supposed to be coming over later! No, in an hour! And I just woke, and Matt's still asleep, and.."
Mr. Ishida didn't say anything during my babbling, just stood in the doorway silently.
However, I shut up quickly enough when I heard Matt whimper in his sleep.
Mr. Ishida heard, too, and we both looked over at him, concerned.
"No," he muttered. "Please don't... Ken..."
+-+-+-+
"I sometimes wish that I had never met Ken. Late at night, when I'm lying alone, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if Ken didn't exist."
"But Matt, that's horrible! Granted, what Ken did was a horrible thing, but you shouldn't wish he never existed!" I exclaimed.
"But at least then I wouldn't feel the constant need to escape!' he cried. "I often feel like I'm trapped, Tai, with no way out. And the worse part is I don't know what's holding me captive, and it won't let go. And I'm helpless to do anything about it, no matter how much I try. I feel like I did when I was being controlled by the Dark Masters, except I'm aware of what's happening to me this time. All my feelings are slowly being drained from the inside, and I'm afraid that one morning I'll wake up and no longer be a person."
Overwhelmed, I clung tightly to Matt's hand, hardly believing what he was confessing to me.
"I'll just be a shell. A shell with no interior, devoid of all thoughts, emotions, energy, devoid of even a free will. People will be able to do with me what the please.
"I'm afraid, Tai. I don't want that to happen. Please don't let it happen," Matt pleaded, looking up at me with tears in his eyes.
I was shocked, but I managed to promise him I wouldn't let it happen. But I couldn't help the shock. I mean, after I had shaken Matt from his nightmare, he woke up crying. I asked him why, and that's what he said. Wouldn't you be surprised too?
"I promise I won't let it happen Matt," I said again. "But.." I hesitated, not wanting to say what I was thinking. I mean, it would sound kind of cruel to Matt. I guess Matt sensed what I was thinking anyway. "I've tried Tai. I've tried to forget about Ken and just move on. But as long as these damn nightmares are here to haunt me, it's impossible."
"Matt?"
It was Takeru's voice.
"Come in, Takeru!" Matt called.
Takeru opened the door to Matt's bedroom and stood there, looking at us.
"Yes?"
"Nyusumi's here," he informed us, then stepped aside to let Ny in.
"Hey Ny," I greeted as the purple haired boy walked in, shutting the door behind him as he did so.
"Hey Ny," Matt said.
"Yo, Matt, Tai," Ny returned, raising his hand. He pulled out Matt's desk chair and sat in it, looking at us.
The three of us sat in disquiet until Nyusumi finally spoke up. "So, Matt, um... what's up?"
I frowned. Nyusumi was acting rather strange. He wasn't his usually flippant self. Instead, he seemed rather quiet. Rather withdrawn, distracted.
"God Matt, I've been so scared!" he suddenly burst out. "Tai told me you'd had a panic attack when I called over here last night! I was so worried for you! I'm just so glad you're allright!"
Matt gave him a tired smile. "Sorry Nyusumi. I didn't mean to make you worry."
Nyusumi shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Just as long as you're okay now."
"I'm fine, Ny," he reassured the other boy.
We sat in quiet for another few moments until Matt spoke up again.
"Um, Ny?"
"Yeah?"
"I got something to tell you," he said, then glanced over at me briefly. Me having no idea what he was about to say, just nodded.
"Well.... I'm going out with Tai now," he told Ny anxiously.
I winced, knowing how Ny felt about Matt but not knowing yet that Matt knew how Ny felt.
Ny gave us his trademark grin, and though I could clearly see the pain in his eyes, he was trying desperately not to show it. "That's great! It took you long enough, Ishida! For awhile I wondered if you were just going to keep Tai waiting forever!"
"Shutup Asashi," Matt replied good naturedly, relieved that Ny was at least pretending to take it well.
Ny just frowned.
"You guys missed a lot during third form," he said at last. "Kenji was absolutely wild! It was hilarious!"
"What happened?" I asked, finally speaking.
"Well, he was stoned high up on marijuana, so when he walked in third, he sat down at the teachers desk and started to call roll. Then the teacher walked in and when Kenji refused to move from the desk, Mitsuo Sensei picked up and literally threw him in the desk! Then, when Sensei called out Jin Kenji, Kenji replied, 'No Mitsuo-chan, I already told you I won't give you a blowjob for that price. Blowjobs are higher priced than a good ole ass-fucking.'"
"Oh my God, he actually said that to Sensei?" Matt yelped.
Ny nodded, grinning, then went on. "Yeah. Sensei got kinda red in the face, but by now he's learned to recognize Kenji when he's stoned, you know, so he just kinda ignored him and went on with the roll, not paying any attention to all the weird shit Kenji was shouting out. Then later on, Sensei was explaining a problem from the homework we had last night, and.." Ny paused for a minute, trying not to laugh.
"Come on, go on," I urged him. "Finish the story."
He nodded. "Right. Well anyways, he was explaining, and Kenji got up and stood by the window. Sensei ignored him, but then Kenji suddenly yelled 'two plus two equals a sucky orgy' then jumped out the window.."
Matt collapsed into fits of laughter, as did I. Ny was already laughing.
"Oh my God," I choked out. "Poor Kenji! Jumping out of a second floor classroom!"
"He broke his arm," Ny wheezed out.
"I wish I had been there!" Matt exclaimed. "Of all the wildest things Kenji does when he gets high, this has got to be THE wildest ever!"
+-+-+-+
About an hour later, after Ny had left and Takeru had gone back home, Matt and I were cuddled up together on his couch, making out. His dad had left too, around the same time Ny did, to go get some decent groceries for the house. My hands were currently lost somewhere in Matt's hair, and my tongue somewhere in his mouth.
Just as we broke off from a particularly long, passionate kiss, the phone rang. I groaned, as did Matt.
"Just let the machine pick it up," I whisphered, before leaning back over and capturing Matt's lips under mine.
After three rings, we heard the answer machine click, and Matt's voice began to speak.
"Hai, you've reached the Ishida residence. This is Ishida Yamato yelling to you from somewhere under a mountain of clothes and moldy dishes, currently unable to answer the phone. If you're looking for the elder Ishida of the house, he has moved into his office at work. If you're Ny or another band member, practice is officially canceled as of now. If this is Jun, go find some other soul to torment. Otherwise, leave me a message at the beep."
"A little long, ain't it?" I remarked as I came up for air.
"Shutup," Matt said, pulling me closer in another earth shaking kiss.
The answer machine beeped, then 'kaasan's voice came on the line. "You might want to shorten that message, Matt," she said dryly, before going on to say, "Tai? Are you still there?"
Sighing, I pulled away from Matt, leaning over and picking up the phone. "Hey okaasan," I said. "What's up?"
"Just wondering if you've permanently moved into Matt's apartment."
"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to stay so long, but I didn't wake until one, and then Ny came over, so.." I trailed off. "Sorry," I said again.
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you came home within the next fifteen minutes. Your father and I are going out for awhile, and Kari's a little scared to stay home by herself. Someone tried to break in last night, but your father scared him away."
I sighed inwardly. Kari was fourteen, she didn't need me looking after her. No, she's fifteen. She had her birthday a few weeks ago. "Allright, okaasan," I agreed reluctantly.
After we said our goodbyes, I hung up and turned to Matt.
"Sorry, love, duty calls. The parents are out, and the Kari is afraid to be left alone due to last night's intruder," I said in some strange weird English accent.
Matt frowned. "Tai, I haven't really been to those after school English courses in six months. I didn't understand half of that."
I sighed, then translated it for him.
He gave me a pitiful face. "Aw, do you have to leave now?" he whined.
I nodded. "Fraid so, love. But hey, I'll see you tomorrow, if you come to school!"
"I guess I'll have to now, won't I? If I want to see you."
+-+-+-+
"So what was wrong with Matt?" 'kaasan asked. I looked up from the leftovers I had heated up, mouth full of tofu. Quickly I chewed and swallowed, then said, "He had a panic attack and passed out, then had nightmares until Dr. Kaos came over and sedated him."
"Poor boy," she murmured, just as 'tousan walked in the room.
"Ready to go, hon?"
She nodded.
'tousan turned to me. "Now Taichi," he said sternly, "Your sister is here, so you can forget about the parties you were going to throw while we were gone, and don't even think about sleeping with those girls whose numbers you've hidden under your mattress."
Then he laughed, fully expecting me to laugh as he was just teasing me, but all I did was wince. If he knew...
I could see 'kaasan looking at me in that speculative, curious way again, and it unnerved me.
She's figured it out! my mind screamed at me. She knows you like Matt! Stupid Tai.. I scolded myself. I just had to call him Yamachan in front of 'kaasan.
"Well, bai okaasan. Bai otousan," I said, anxious to have them gone before mom could say anything about it.
"Bye Taichi," 'tousan said. He always called me by my full name for some reason.
"Bye Tai, dear," 'kaasan repeated, and I saw her give me another pondering glance as she followed 'tousan out of the apartment.
I groaned and went back to polishing off the leftover tofu.
A few minutes later Kari glided into the room.
"So, you gonna be screwing those girls?" she asked with a grin.
I rolled my eyes. That brat just has to hear everything.
"You know good and well I'm not screwing any girl. I'd prefer to keep myself pure, thank you," I told her haughtily.
"For Matt?" she grinned.
I blushed. "If you must know, yes, for Matt."
"Just how long are you gonna wait for him, Tai?"
It was my turn to grin now. "I'm not waiting for him," I informed her.
She looked puzzled.
My grin widened as I went on to explain what happened between me and Matt in his bed last night. (A/N: Don't take that out of context, you perverts!)
She smiled and clapped her hands together when I finished. "That's so great! I'm happy for you Tai! You two were destined to be together!"
I gave her a soft smile. "Thanks, Kar," I said quietly.
+-+-+-+
I suppose it was about ten o clock or so when I got the call.
Kari and I were sitting on the couch, watching Mononoke Hime -what, so I like anime, so what?- when the phone rang. Hissing at it, I paused the movie (at least it was on San- she's pretty damn sexy for a girl) and answered the phone.
"What?" I snapped.
"Tai?" Mr. Ishida's voice.
Already my heart was leaping in my throat.
"What? What's wrong? Is Yamato okay?"
"He-he had a nightmare again. Then when he woke up, he must have thought I was Ken because.. because." Mr. Ishida tried to tell me the because, but his voice broke and he had to compose himself.
"He looked at me and told me he wouldn't let me hurt him anymore, then ran to the kitchen and slashed his wrists with a knife."
End Part 3:2
part three:three
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Toei's. And the song is Butterfly, by Wada Kouji.
--->Translation:
|After an endless dream, in this miserable world,
|That's right, maybe not using common sense isn't so bad after all,
|Even with these awkward wings, dyed with images that seem to stay,
|I'm sure we can fly on my love.|
Waiting
Chapter 3:Part 2-These Tainted Wings
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|Mugendai na yume no ato no yarusenai yo no naka ja
|Sou sa joushiki hazure mo waruku wa nai ka na
|Stay shisou na imeeji wo someta gikochina tsubasa demo
|Kitto toberu sa on my love|
When I woke the next morning, Matt was still curled up next to me. I smiled, thinking of his kiss last night. Matt... so vulnerable... he'd been through so much, and after all that, he still wanted to be with me.
Just then a knock sounded on the door. "Matt? Tai? Are you two awake yet?" Quickly I shied away from Matt, just as Mr. Ishida opened the door. Well, I didn't want him to know about Matt and me!
He poked his head in, looked around, and saw me blinking sleepily at him.
"Mornin Mr. Ishida," I said in a voice that was only half present. The other half was still sleeping.
"Morning, Tai. Matt awake yet?"
I shook my head. "I don't think so. I just woke up a literal minute ago, myself."
He nodded. "He'll probably sleep a few more hours, after what he went through last night."
"Yeah," I said noncommittally. I didn't want to think about Matt's obvious problems. "What time is it?"
"About one o' clock."
"What?!" I yelped. "One o' clock! I never sleep that late, not even on weekends! And today is a school day! Oh crap, school! Ny's supposed to be coming over later! No, in an hour! And I just woke, and Matt's still asleep, and.."
Mr. Ishida didn't say anything during my babbling, just stood in the doorway silently.
However, I shut up quickly enough when I heard Matt whimper in his sleep.
Mr. Ishida heard, too, and we both looked over at him, concerned.
"No," he muttered. "Please don't... Ken..."
+-+-+-+
"I sometimes wish that I had never met Ken. Late at night, when I'm lying alone, afraid to sleep because of the nightmares, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if Ken didn't exist."
"But Matt, that's horrible! Granted, what Ken did was a horrible thing, but you shouldn't wish he never existed!" I exclaimed.
"But at least then I wouldn't feel the constant need to escape!' he cried. "I often feel like I'm trapped, Tai, with no way out. And the worse part is I don't know what's holding me captive, and it won't let go. And I'm helpless to do anything about it, no matter how much I try. I feel like I did when I was being controlled by the Dark Masters, except I'm aware of what's happening to me this time. All my feelings are slowly being drained from the inside, and I'm afraid that one morning I'll wake up and no longer be a person."
Overwhelmed, I clung tightly to Matt's hand, hardly believing what he was confessing to me.
"I'll just be a shell. A shell with no interior, devoid of all thoughts, emotions, energy, devoid of even a free will. People will be able to do with me what the please.
"I'm afraid, Tai. I don't want that to happen. Please don't let it happen," Matt pleaded, looking up at me with tears in his eyes.
I was shocked, but I managed to promise him I wouldn't let it happen. But I couldn't help the shock. I mean, after I had shaken Matt from his nightmare, he woke up crying. I asked him why, and that's what he said. Wouldn't you be surprised too?
"I promise I won't let it happen Matt," I said again. "But.." I hesitated, not wanting to say what I was thinking. I mean, it would sound kind of cruel to Matt. I guess Matt sensed what I was thinking anyway. "I've tried Tai. I've tried to forget about Ken and just move on. But as long as these damn nightmares are here to haunt me, it's impossible."
"Matt?"
It was Takeru's voice.
"Come in, Takeru!" Matt called.
Takeru opened the door to Matt's bedroom and stood there, looking at us.
"Yes?"
"Nyusumi's here," he informed us, then stepped aside to let Ny in.
"Hey Ny," I greeted as the purple haired boy walked in, shutting the door behind him as he did so.
"Hey Ny," Matt said.
"Yo, Matt, Tai," Ny returned, raising his hand. He pulled out Matt's desk chair and sat in it, looking at us.
The three of us sat in disquiet until Nyusumi finally spoke up. "So, Matt, um... what's up?"
I frowned. Nyusumi was acting rather strange. He wasn't his usually flippant self. Instead, he seemed rather quiet. Rather withdrawn, distracted.
"God Matt, I've been so scared!" he suddenly burst out. "Tai told me you'd had a panic attack when I called over here last night! I was so worried for you! I'm just so glad you're allright!"
Matt gave him a tired smile. "Sorry Nyusumi. I didn't mean to make you worry."
Nyusumi shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Just as long as you're okay now."
"I'm fine, Ny," he reassured the other boy.
We sat in quiet for another few moments until Matt spoke up again.
"Um, Ny?"
"Yeah?"
"I got something to tell you," he said, then glanced over at me briefly. Me having no idea what he was about to say, just nodded.
"Well.... I'm going out with Tai now," he told Ny anxiously.
I winced, knowing how Ny felt about Matt but not knowing yet that Matt knew how Ny felt.
Ny gave us his trademark grin, and though I could clearly see the pain in his eyes, he was trying desperately not to show it. "That's great! It took you long enough, Ishida! For awhile I wondered if you were just going to keep Tai waiting forever!"
"Shutup Asashi," Matt replied good naturedly, relieved that Ny was at least pretending to take it well.
Ny just frowned.
"You guys missed a lot during third form," he said at last. "Kenji was absolutely wild! It was hilarious!"
"What happened?" I asked, finally speaking.
"Well, he was stoned high up on marijuana, so when he walked in third, he sat down at the teachers desk and started to call roll. Then the teacher walked in and when Kenji refused to move from the desk, Mitsuo Sensei picked up and literally threw him in the desk! Then, when Sensei called out Jin Kenji, Kenji replied, 'No Mitsuo-chan, I already told you I won't give you a blowjob for that price. Blowjobs are higher priced than a good ole ass-fucking.'"
"Oh my God, he actually said that to Sensei?" Matt yelped.
Ny nodded, grinning, then went on. "Yeah. Sensei got kinda red in the face, but by now he's learned to recognize Kenji when he's stoned, you know, so he just kinda ignored him and went on with the roll, not paying any attention to all the weird shit Kenji was shouting out. Then later on, Sensei was explaining a problem from the homework we had last night, and.." Ny paused for a minute, trying not to laugh.
"Come on, go on," I urged him. "Finish the story."
He nodded. "Right. Well anyways, he was explaining, and Kenji got up and stood by the window. Sensei ignored him, but then Kenji suddenly yelled 'two plus two equals a sucky orgy' then jumped out the window.."
Matt collapsed into fits of laughter, as did I. Ny was already laughing.
"Oh my God," I choked out. "Poor Kenji! Jumping out of a second floor classroom!"
"He broke his arm," Ny wheezed out.
"I wish I had been there!" Matt exclaimed. "Of all the wildest things Kenji does when he gets high, this has got to be THE wildest ever!"
+-+-+-+
About an hour later, after Ny had left and Takeru had gone back home, Matt and I were cuddled up together on his couch, making out. His dad had left too, around the same time Ny did, to go get some decent groceries for the house. My hands were currently lost somewhere in Matt's hair, and my tongue somewhere in his mouth.
Just as we broke off from a particularly long, passionate kiss, the phone rang. I groaned, as did Matt.
"Just let the machine pick it up," I whisphered, before leaning back over and capturing Matt's lips under mine.
After three rings, we heard the answer machine click, and Matt's voice began to speak.
"Hai, you've reached the Ishida residence. This is Ishida Yamato yelling to you from somewhere under a mountain of clothes and moldy dishes, currently unable to answer the phone. If you're looking for the elder Ishida of the house, he has moved into his office at work. If you're Ny or another band member, practice is officially canceled as of now. If this is Jun, go find some other soul to torment. Otherwise, leave me a message at the beep."
"A little long, ain't it?" I remarked as I came up for air.
"Shutup," Matt said, pulling me closer in another earth shaking kiss.
The answer machine beeped, then 'kaasan's voice came on the line. "You might want to shorten that message, Matt," she said dryly, before going on to say, "Tai? Are you still there?"
Sighing, I pulled away from Matt, leaning over and picking up the phone. "Hey okaasan," I said. "What's up?"
"Just wondering if you've permanently moved into Matt's apartment."
"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to stay so long, but I didn't wake until one, and then Ny came over, so.." I trailed off. "Sorry," I said again.
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you came home within the next fifteen minutes. Your father and I are going out for awhile, and Kari's a little scared to stay home by herself. Someone tried to break in last night, but your father scared him away."
I sighed inwardly. Kari was fourteen, she didn't need me looking after her. No, she's fifteen. She had her birthday a few weeks ago. "Allright, okaasan," I agreed reluctantly.
After we said our goodbyes, I hung up and turned to Matt.
"Sorry, love, duty calls. The parents are out, and the Kari is afraid to be left alone due to last night's intruder," I said in some strange weird English accent.
Matt frowned. "Tai, I haven't really been to those after school English courses in six months. I didn't understand half of that."
I sighed, then translated it for him.
He gave me a pitiful face. "Aw, do you have to leave now?" he whined.
I nodded. "Fraid so, love. But hey, I'll see you tomorrow, if you come to school!"
"I guess I'll have to now, won't I? If I want to see you."
+-+-+-+
"So what was wrong with Matt?" 'kaasan asked. I looked up from the leftovers I had heated up, mouth full of tofu. Quickly I chewed and swallowed, then said, "He had a panic attack and passed out, then had nightmares until Dr. Kaos came over and sedated him."
"Poor boy," she murmured, just as 'tousan walked in the room.
"Ready to go, hon?"
She nodded.
'tousan turned to me. "Now Taichi," he said sternly, "Your sister is here, so you can forget about the parties you were going to throw while we were gone, and don't even think about sleeping with those girls whose numbers you've hidden under your mattress."
Then he laughed, fully expecting me to laugh as he was just teasing me, but all I did was wince. If he knew...
I could see 'kaasan looking at me in that speculative, curious way again, and it unnerved me.
She's figured it out! my mind screamed at me. She knows you like Matt! Stupid Tai.. I scolded myself. I just had to call him Yamachan in front of 'kaasan.
"Well, bai okaasan. Bai otousan," I said, anxious to have them gone before mom could say anything about it.
"Bye Taichi," 'tousan said. He always called me by my full name for some reason.
"Bye Tai, dear," 'kaasan repeated, and I saw her give me another pondering glance as she followed 'tousan out of the apartment.
I groaned and went back to polishing off the leftover tofu.
A few minutes later Kari glided into the room.
"So, you gonna be screwing those girls?" she asked with a grin.
I rolled my eyes. That brat just has to hear everything.
"You know good and well I'm not screwing any girl. I'd prefer to keep myself pure, thank you," I told her haughtily.
"For Matt?" she grinned.
I blushed. "If you must know, yes, for Matt."
"Just how long are you gonna wait for him, Tai?"
It was my turn to grin now. "I'm not waiting for him," I informed her.
She looked puzzled.
My grin widened as I went on to explain what happened between me and Matt in his bed last night. (A/N: Don't take that out of context, you perverts!)
She smiled and clapped her hands together when I finished. "That's so great! I'm happy for you Tai! You two were destined to be together!"
I gave her a soft smile. "Thanks, Kar," I said quietly.
+-+-+-+
I suppose it was about ten o clock or so when I got the call.
Kari and I were sitting on the couch, watching Mononoke Hime -what, so I like anime, so what?- when the phone rang. Hissing at it, I paused the movie (at least it was on San- she's pretty damn sexy for a girl) and answered the phone.
"What?" I snapped.
"Tai?" Mr. Ishida's voice.
Already my heart was leaping in my throat.
"What? What's wrong? Is Yamato okay?"
"He-he had a nightmare again. Then when he woke up, he must have thought I was Ken because.. because." Mr. Ishida tried to tell me the because, but his voice broke and he had to compose himself.
"He looked at me and told me he wouldn't let me hurt him anymore, then ran to the kitchen and slashed his wrists with a knife."
End Part 3:2
part three:three