Waiting, Book 1, Chapter 4:2
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Previous Disclaimer applies.
Author's Notes: Allright, no new song or disclaimer applies to this part. The same ones from the first part are still meant to go with this part. But I'll repost them for those that forgot.
--->Translation:
|the sunshine from outside the window indicates
|a new beginning
|It's different but it's only Monday morning
|It always repeats|
Waiting
Chapter 4:Part 2-And So It Begins (all over again)
By: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|mado kara sasu hizashi wa
|atarashii hajimarisa
|chigau yo tada no getsuyou no asa
|itsumo no kurikaeshi|
"WHAT?!" I splutter, the Dr. Pepper I had just sipped coming back out of my mouth and all over the dashboard.
"Fuck!" I exclaimed, snatching a napkin and wiping it off. However, my hands were trembling so much that I was missing every spot of Dr. Pepper I tried to wipe down.
Taking pity on me, 'tousan leaned over and gently took the napkin from my hands, wiping the dashboard down himself. He didn't even comment on my use of the f-word, which he frowns upon. He doesn't mind me saying it so much, he just doesn't like me saying it around him.
"What do you mean, Ken's escaped?" I asked, my voice shaking. Hell, my whole body was shaking by now.
"He's escaped. I don't know the details, but it was on the news. One of the other guys reported it."
"No," I whisphered, not wanting to believe it. I had thought the nightmare was at last over, that I could put Ken behind me and get on with my life.
But now he's out and I'm gonna have to be on guard 24/7 again, living my life in continuous fear that he'll come after me again, abuse me, rape me.
God no, I don't think I can go through that again. The nightmares are enough without having them come true.
Come true.
Jesus.
That nightmare.
The one I told Tai about.
The one in which Ken kills Tai.
Suddenly the confines of the car seem to be even smaller. I feel trapped, I can't breathe. No matter how many deep breaths I take, air will not come. I can hear the fast pounding of my heart, can sense the panic swiftly rising within me.
Jesus. I still can't breathe.
"Take me back," I croaked. "Hospital. It's safe there."
'tousan looked at me, concern quite visible in his face. "Matt? What's wrong?"
Dammit! I need air!
"Take me back.."
'tousan obeyed, hightailing it out of there and heading as fast as he could towards the hospital. I think he could sense I was having another panic attack. Soon I was lying back in my hospital bed, air being forced into my lungs with an oxygen mask.
When I felt like I could breathe on my own again, they took the mask off.
Dr. Kaos shoed 'tousan out of there, then turned to me.
"What happened Matt?"
"Ken's out," I said, starting to tremble ever so slightly. Dr. Kaos saw the warning signs and backed off.
"Allright, allright, just don't think about it," he instructed. "Think about something else. Your band, your favorite song, your boyfriend. Whatever. Just don't think about the other thing."
I nodded, taking a shaky breath. "I'll try."
And that's what I did.
Closing my eyes, I attempted to clear my mind of everything. When it was void of thoughts at last, I went back in time to a faraway place, a memory I turned to when everything else failed me.
"...Mommy! I hungwy!" little four year old Yamato whined, tugging on his mother's pants.
Mrs. Ishida smiled and looked down at her son. "You're hungry, huh? Well, what should we do about that now, huh?"
Yamato shrugged his small shoulders and grinned up at her. "Can we go to Cwover? Huh? Pwease? Can we go to Cwover?"
She pondered this for a moment, then went to her bedroom and got her purse. Yamato followed her, begging to go to 'Cwover'.
After counting how much money she had, she looked down at the blond toddler. "Allright, we can go. What do you say we make it just the two of us, and leave Takeru home with Daddy?"
"Yeah!" Yamato exclaimed, jumping up and down happily. "Jus' two of us!" She gave the boy another smile, then picked him up and carried him into his bedroom to get him cleaned and dressed.
She didn't really have enough money for this little trip to Clover, but why spoil her son's fun?
Thinking back on that memory, I always wondered what it was that made Mom decide to take me to Clover. Ever since Takeru had been born, she hadn't seemed to focus her attention on me that much. She always fussed about with Takeru, when she wasn't arguing with dad, that is.
If I had asked her any other day to take me to Clover, she almost certainly would have told me to fix myself some food. Especially since she couldn't even really afford to take me. (I only knew that b/c I heard her and 'tousan arguing later that night about it)
But nevertheless, she had taken me to Clover, and that day she had seemed like the mother she had been before Takeru. She had been her kind and caring self, and I had actually had fun. Two days later she and 'tousan split.
It's funny, really. Up until the last few years, I had always looked upon that memory with guilt and regret. I always felt that if I hadn't asked mom to take me to Clover, just the two of us, then maybe she dad wouldn't have argued about it, and maybe they'd still be together. Of course, when I got older, I realized the divorce was inevitable, but at the time I felt I was to blame.
Now I can look back on that memory as a happy, loving time. A memory to cherish. It always calms me when I think of it.
It is this memory I think of now, erasing all thoughts of Ken from my mind. And it is with this memory still fresh in my mind that I fall asleep.
+-+-+-+
"...Mommy! I hungwy!"
"You're hungry, huh? Well, what should we do about that now, huh?"
"Can we go to Cwover? Huh? Pwease? Can we go to Cwover?"
"Sure we can got to Cwover, Yamato. And after you fill your stomach of my cum, we can fuck like a couple of dumb bunnies. How does that sound?"
"Ken!"
"No, Tai. I'm Tai, Yamato."
"You're not! Tai wouldn't call me Yamato. Only you called me Yamato! No one else!"
"That's right, and no one else better call you Yamato."
"What do you want from me Ken? Why is it me you're doing this to?"
"I told you Yamato. I love you."
"No. If you loved me, you wouldn't rape me!"
"Rape? RAPE? You think I rape you? Yamato, I would hardly call it rape when you sit there and beg me to fuck you! You're a little slut, Yamato. My whore. Always were and always will be here. Now come here and let me fuck you hard, the way you like."
"No.. I won't.."
"Come here Yamato..."
"No..."
Ken advances toward me menacingly then, a huge knife in his hand. I turn to run, but everything slows. Ken's upon me now, tearing my clothes off, entering me, raping me over and over..
I moan.
"See, Yamato, you like that, don't you?" he whisphers. "Little slut."
I woke up screaming.
+-+-+-+
"Matt! Wake up! It's a dream, Matt! A dream!"
I come to my senses slowly, taking in the surroundings gradually. Eventually I come to realize I am in a hospital room, not 'tousan's bedroom.
I see 'tousan standing over me worriedly, faint relief peeping through when he realizes I am not being held in the grips of the nightmare anymore.
"Otousan," I said, then burst into frightened tears.
Otousan sits on the edge of my bed next to me and pulls me closer to him, holding me tightly the way he used to when I was little and had nightmares of monsters lurking in the closet or waiting for me under my bed.
I cry for quite awhile, all the fears and frustrations and undirected rage at what had been done to me being released with those little drops of water. Everything that I had kept locked up in that little box in the back of my brain finally found a way out, and now that it had, I seemed to be loath to put it back under lock and key again. It was out, and it was out to stay.
After awhile my tears are reduced to nothing mere sobs, and I lean away from dad, much calmer and less frightened.
"Are you okay now Matt?" Otousan asks me, and I nod.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"It's okay. You needed that."
"I guess," I said uncertainly. What I really needed was to have never met Ken Ichijouji.
"Maybe you should stay in the hospital a few more days," Otousan mused.
"No, I can't!" I said, black waves of despair washing over me. "I can't stay in this damn hospital any longer than Monday! I have that concert, remember?"
"Huh? Oh yes, that's right. All right. It was just a thought," Otousan reassured me.
"A bad one."
"Not so bad," he told me. "If you didn't have that concert, I'd insist. You don't need to have nightmares that wake you up screaming. Not when your seventeen. Four, maybe. Seventeen, no. If you're having nightmares at seventeen, there's something wrong."
"Of course there's something wrong!" I snarled viciously, suddenly angry. "I'm fucked up! That's what's wrong!"
Otousan winced but chose not to comment.
After a few minutes I apologized. "Sorry, that sounded harsher than I meant it to."
"It's allright."
"But it's not allright!" I wailed. "Nothing's ever allright anymore! It won't ever be allright again!"
I could slowly feel myself losing control, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I just didn't feel like myself anymore. What I told Otousan was true. I was fucked up.
"Matt, just calm down," Otousan instructed me. "Getting hysterical about all this won't help any."
Easy for him to say.
"I'm not getting hysterical! I'm.." I stopped, forgetting entirely what I was about to say. "I'm... I'm... tired.."' I murmur, overcome with the need to sleep.
Yawning, I glance at Otousan, barely getting 'night' out before dropping into a fitful sleep.
+-+-+-+
"Yo Matt!"
I glance over from staring blankly at the ceiling, acknowledging Tai standing in my doorway, then go back to debating whether the cracks directly above my bed look more like a bouverain creme filled donut or a bunch of weasels. (That little bit actually comes from a song by weird al yankovic called alburqurque. btb, I probably spelled yankovic wrong, as well as bouverain, but oh well)
I was opting for the weasels.
Tai comes over and sits down next to me, sensing my foul mood.
"Matt, what's wrong?" he asked me.
"There are too many weasels in that box," I said, just as 'tousan walks back in. He had stayed the whole night after my nightmare, and left only briefly to go down to the hospital cafeteria and eat.
"Weasels?" Tai asked me in confusion. "Oh hey Mr. Ishida," he added when he saw 'tousan.
"Weasels," I confirmed. "There are too many. Eight weasels are bad news. There should be only seven."
"Well then take one out of the box," Tai told me uneasily, unsure as to what in hell I was talking about.
I saw 'tousan giving me a strange look as well and decidedly shut up before he felt like it would be best to keep me in the hospital another day on the claim of temporary insanity or something like that.
"Never mind," I sighed. Now would be a good idea to change the subject.
"How come you're here so early Tai? I didn't expect you until late in the afternoon."
"Well... let's just say my mom didn't approve of my opinions on doing errands for her."
I rolled my eyes. If Dad wasn't in here, I'd ask him exactly what happened, but it was obvious he didn't want 'tousan to hear.
"Whatever," I told Tai, dismissing the subject, much to his relief.
We sat in silence before Tai began to tell me what happened at school Friday. It was actually kinda boring, because aside from when he and Ny&Kenji ran from the principal, nothing happened. Until he related to me a rather intriguing piece of information.
".. I did hear an interesting piece of news, though. You know Genjitsu, ne?" <--- ne?=right?
I shook my head.
"Oh come on Matt! Everybody knows Genjitsu! He's that really tall dude, got jet black hair that he keeps slicked back, dark brown eyes that look black, always dresses in those black, baggy clothes?"
I frowned. "He sounds familiar, but I can't place him."
After an uneasy glance at 'tousan, Tai said, "He's the only known gay in the school," with a slight emphasis on known.
"Genjitsu... Genjitsu.." I mused. "Hmm... Wait a minute, isn't he the guy that Kenji's friend Keiichi slept with?"
'tousan's face turned a slight purple color when I said that, but I was too interested in this little tidbit to care.
"More than just slept with. They've been going out for three years."
"Yeah.. yeah, that's right. I remember now. I think I even met Genjitsu once or twice."
"Yeah. Well anyways, apparently Keiichi's been cheating on Genjitsu with Sai-I know you know Sai-" here I nodded, everybody knew Sai, his reputation was as well known as Kento's, 'cept Sai's was for a slut and not a bully "and apparently Gen found out about it. Well, you know Gen gets a huge temper when he's pissed, so at lunch Friday, he got up on the stage in front of the cafeteria and told Keiichi off right then and there. Then later, he managed to sneak in the principal's room -I think it's cos he works in the office seventh- and he turned the intercom on and told the whole school Keiichi was a slut 'cept nobody should ever sleep with him because he was really horrible in bed, and then he started to describe just how bad Keiichi was, although the principal came in and dragged him off, which relieved the guys and disappointed the girls. It was rather funny."
"I bet," I said, wishing I had been there to witness this. "Who's Genjitsu going out with now?"
"Yeah, well, that's the strange thing. At first the rumor was he was going with Sai, but as that's who Keiichi was cheating with, that soon proved to be false. Anyways, it is now a known fact that Genjitsu is going with .. with Ratsuii. And they've already slept together." Tai added.
"WHAT?!" I yelped. "But Ratsuii's no more gay than Kenji is! He told me himself he's straight! What in hell is he doing with Gen?"
"Apparently trying new things out, is what he told me."
"I thought he was done trying new things out," I remarked, frowning.
"Guess not."
"Hmm... Gen and Ratsuii.. a rather odd couple... this is gonna take some getting used to. I just hope we don't lose a major percentage of our female fans at the concert Tuesday, as they provide us the money that pays for keeping the band together."
"I don't think that will happen," Tai reassured me. "The majority of them already know that Kenji and Ratsuii are straight."
"Yeah, but I wonder how long-" I started to say, then stopped. I had been about to say 'I wonder how long it will take Jun to realize I'm gay, but realized my father was still wholly present and all ears to my conversation with my boyfriend.
"You wonder what?" he asked me.
"Nothing. Never mind." +-+-+-+
"Matt, I'm going down to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite to eat. I'll be gone for a little while. Do you want anything?"
"No."
"Tai?"
"No thanks, Mr. Ishida."
'tousan nodded, then heading for the cafeteria.
The second he was gone, Tai made a beeline for me, kissing me passionately. I responded well, though not as eagerly as I might have before Ny had kissed me. After a few minutes, Tai drew back. "I've been wanting to do that for ages," he breathed.
I nodded. "Me too," but my voice lacked conviction.
Sensing it, Tai studied it. "Matt?"
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's just... you didn't seem as thrilled about that kiss as I figured you would be."
Shit. The last thing I need is for Tai to find about Nyusumi.
"I was. I'm just tired is all."
"Allright," Tai replied, but he looked doubtful.
Shit. Please don't find out about Nyusumi.
+-+-+-+
Monday morning. I sigh, looking around our messy apartment. The sight of it depresses me. It would have been nice to come from the hospital to a clean house.
My room is no better. The second I walk in, I spot the junk lying all over the floor and scowl.
"What's wrong Matt?" Tai asks me when I frown. "I thought you would be happy to be home."
"I am. It's just..... well, I thought in the hospital, that when I came home on Monday, I could kinda start over, with my life, so to speak. You know, sorta like a new beginning. Because I know I said I was fine, but the nightmares prove that false. ... I- I haven't really gotten over Ken. I'm still kinda depressed and- and-" I broke off, flushing. I wasn't used to speaking my true feelings so openly. "And seeing this apartment in the same state as always makes it hard to start over," I finished lamely.
I think Tai knew what I wanted to really say anyway. He walked over to me, pulling me close in a tight hug. "Oh Matt," he said. "We can always clean the apartment. That's not important. What's important is the fact that you're willing to start getting over Ken. And I want you to know that I'll always be there beside you. I told you I'd always wait for you, no matter what. That's still true. Nothing can change that. But know I'll be right beside you as well. We'll get over Ken, the both of us together."
I just kind of let out this contented sigh and rested my head comfortably against his shoulder, still letting him hold me.
Suddenly I no longer cared about Ken. I didn't what he had done to me. I didn't care that he was loose again. I just didn't care. All that matters is that I'm with Tai, I'll always be with Tai, he promised. And Tai is all I really need to make me happy.
"I love you, Yagami Taichi," I whispher, lifting my head to stare into his chocolate brown orbs.
He smiles, tilting my chin up and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. "I love you too Matt Ishida," he whisphers.
I hesitate, then whispher back, "Tai... you can.. you can..."
"What love?"
"You can.. use my.. my full name ..sometimes," I tell him, trying to push away all thoughts of Ken, all the bad memories associated with him.
Tai smiles brilliantly at me. "Oh Yama.." he says softly, tears filling in his eyes. "God but I'm proud of you. I love you so much."
It was me who kissed him this time, putting all my heart and soul into that kiss. Everything just felt so right, so good, with Tai. It was like we were destined together. Rather ironic. Me, who always said destiny was a bunch of bullshit, and now I'm saying destiny is the reason for me and Tai. Maybe it's not a load of crap after all.
+-+-+-+
I sigh, and flop down on my bed with an exaggerated groan. Tai flops down beside me. Both of us are exhausted, not to mention a little tense as well. We had finally finished cleaning my room, which had taken about four and a half hours. During the course of that time, we had argued thrice, made out about a million times, and had a serious conversation once.
The serious conversation had been rather awkward for me.
While Tai was helping me clean, he happened to find a few old joints I still had squirreled away in my room. I had flirted with the weed for a while when I had been depressed over Tai, knowing I had loved him but never thought I had a chance. That had been way before Ken, almost a year ago. I don't know why but I had become really depressed about everything during that time. Luckily I managed to get over it, but then it didn't matter because then Ken raped me. Anyways, Tai was rather upset at finding the weed. It's not like he had never touched the stuff, and he knew I've tried worse stuff, but this was some major grass here. I mean, I seriously had about three pounds worth of the shit hidden. Tai was just worried I was going to become a junkie. I guess he was afraid I was still taking the crap. Anyways, we talked, and I managed to convince him I hadn't touched the stuff in over nine months.
As of now the bag of weed was lying in the middle of my clean floor, very visible to 'tousan who had just walked in my room.
He started to say something, spotted the weed, and cut short his sentence, giving me a stern look. I didn't even know why, I didn't realize he spotted my old addiction.
Frowning, he motioned for me to follow him to the living room.
After telling Tai I'd be right back and not to go anywhere, I went with 'tousan. He sat me down on the couch and stood in front of me, looking very serious.
"Matt, what was that on your bedroom floor?"
"What do you mean?" I protested, still not realizing. "I cleaned my room! There isn't anything!"
"The bag," he said pointedly, giving me a Look.
"The bag?" this said with confusion, right before it slammed into me. "Oh," I said softly. That was all I said. I don't know why. It just was.
"Oh?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow.
I stayed silent. 'tousan sighed. "Matt.."
"Err... it's..it's nothing 'tousan. Really. Just some stuff I was taking." I cringed as I realized how bad my wording must have sounded to him.
"Just some stuff?"
"Err.."
"Matt, that's illegal marijuana you had on your floor!"
"I know. But I'm not taking it anymore. Tai just happened to find it when we cleaned my room. I swear, it's nothing now. I took it about a year ago, before Ken, when I was de-depressed. It never became an addiction, and I got over it and my low feelings. I promise that's all it was."
'tousan sighed again. "I certainly hope that's all it was. And that's all it ever better be," he threatened. "But in the meantime.."
"Yeah?"
"What in hell are we gonna do with all that junk?"
+-+-+-+
We ended up smoking it. Well, some of it. The rest was burned. But as to why we had a few joints.. I really couldn't tell you. Neither could Dad or Tai. We just did. What a great way to get a new start, huh?
Anyways, while I was still hopped on the marijuana, the band showed up my door.
"Yo Matt!" Kenji greeted. Ratsuii echoed his sentiments. Nyusumi remained silent, I guess embarrassed about what happened the last time we saw each other.
"Hello Kenji, Ratsuii," I greeted them. My voice was all calm and peaceful like.
They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then simultaneously turned back to me. "Woah, what have you been smoking?" "And where did you get it? You sound completely stoned."
Just then 'tousan came into the room. "Oh, hello boys," he said, a little to calm. Usually his voice sounded stressed. His eyes also had this slightly glassy, far away look to them, as if he wasn't in the apartment but at some other place known only to him. Of course, now that I think about it, he probably was.
"You're stoned too?" Kenji asked in disbelief. "Damn Matt, how'd you manage that?"
"Where did you get it?" Ratsuii asked again. "And care to share a little?"
"All gone," Tai spoke up sadly, speaking from the chair in the corner where he'd been slumped over, unnoticed. "All gone.. we burned it. All gone. No more."
"Tai?" they whirled around.
"Now how are we supposed to practice, with everyone stoned?" Ny grumbled, speaking up for the first time since he set foot in the door.
"Practice for what?" I asked in that same, eerie voice.
"You know.. for tomorrow's concert.." Nyusumi told me, looking at me uneasily. "You did remember, didn't you?"
"Remember?"
"Oh God!" Kenji exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Let's go! We can come back later, when they're not all stoned."
The others agreed, and the three of them started heading back out of the apartment.
"It all burned," Tai said sadly after them as they left. "All gone."
(I have no idea why I wrote that part!!)
+-+-+-+
"God, I feel like shit," I groaned, lifting my head from where I was tangled on top of Tai.
Underneath me, he muttered and shifted in his sleep.
With bleary eyes, I looked around. Apparently 'tousan had suddenly just dropped dead away on the floor, because he was lying right in front of the tv.
Luckily he managed not to break anything, and the rest of the room was still in the same disastrous state it was before we all smoked that shit.
I shivered a little as I felt a breeze float in from the window that was open in the kitchen. It was so cold in here! Why?
I felt Tai shift under me again, and he would have fallen off the couch if I hadn't been on top of him still.
Then it hit me.
Tai and I were wearing nothing but boxers. Oh God, what had we done?
My mind racing, I tried to call up anything I had done while stoned. Nothing came to mind.
Over on the floor, 'tousan stirred, then sat up, putting a hand to his forehead. "Jesus," he muttered.
I cringed, hoping he wouldn't notice my state of undress. No such luck.
"Matt?"
"Yeah...?"
"Remind me to never let you get stoned again."
"Um.. why?"
"Because I'd prefer to not see you making out with your best friend," he said calmly.
"WHAT?!" I yelped. "I made out with Tai?"
Oh shit! Please let him think it was because I stoned! Please! Kami-sama!
He nodded. "Yes. It was really strange. If you hadn't been stoned, I would have wondered what the hell you were doing."
If I hadn't been stoned. Thank God! I let out a sigh relief.
Beneath me, Tai shifted for a third time, coming to a state of waking.
"I feel like shit," he commented. Then he let out a yell so loud I bet even the people way over in South America heard him. "WHY IN HELL I AM I PRACTICALLY NUDE?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!"
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Two weeks have gone by since I made out with Tai while stoned. Luckily 'tousan never once questioned me about it. I needn't tell you I'm most relieved.
My new beginning, however, has gone done the drain. I try so hard to start over, but how can I when all everybody talks about is Ken?
On the news: "Ichijouji Ken, the former child prodigy, found guilty of the sexual abuse delivered to Ishida Yamato, is still at large. Efforts are being made..."
In the newspaper headlines: 'Former child genius still missing'
At school: "Hey, you heard? They say Ken still hasn't been found. I wonder where he is?"
"Yah, and how do you think he managed to escape?"
"Well, it was only a juvenile detention center."
From Tai, even: "Hey, Ken hasn't dared showed his face around here, has he?"
God, I am so fucking sick of it!!! What is so important about that bastard that everybody feels a need to talk about him 24/7!!! He's not that big a deal. Yeah, he abused me physically and sexually. Yeah, he escaped from prison. Yeah, he's crazy. SO WHAT? Why does that mean you have to talk about him every second of your existence? FORGET HIM!!! LET ME SUFFER IN PEACE!!!!!
Oh, by the by, that concert? It was a total breeze. I didn't even need the practice. The second I picked up my guitar, all the music came flowing back into my mind.
However, there were more people there than ever before. Mostly girls. I bet they all heard about what happened to me and came to see me. Plus that little thing about Ratsuii and Genjitsu now being an item.
Jun and her little groupies were there too. And after the concert, she actually had the nerve to push her way backstage and ask me out for a date!! That's the second time in her life she's asked me out.
I told her no, of course. Although, I didn't tell her I was taken already. I didn't want to suffer her wrath.
A knock at the door cut into my thoughts. Sighing, I stood and went to answer it.
When I pulled open the door, I took one look at the visitor and slammed the door back shut and locked it, then leaned against it, breathing heavily, trying not to let the fear take over.
Oh shit! What was he doing here? Why did he come back? He couldn't possibly want....
"Matt?"
Wait, he's calling me Matt? But.. why? He always called me Yamato before.
"Matt? Please let me in..."
I opened my mouth to tell him to go away, but what came out was this strange cry, a cry of fear.
Already I could feel the tears trailing out of my eyes and falling down across my cheeks. "Oh please.." I sobbed through the closed door. "Please go away.."
"Matt, please just me let me in. I don't want to hurt you."
"You lie..."
God, I need Tai. I feel like I'm about to have another panic attack.
"Matt please!" he begged.
"Go away Ken..."
End Part 4:2
Author's Notes: Eep! Ken's back! At Yama's no less! What could he possibly want? Heheh...
part four:three
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Previous Disclaimer applies.
Author's Notes: Allright, no new song or disclaimer applies to this part. The same ones from the first part are still meant to go with this part. But I'll repost them for those that forgot.
--->Translation:
|the sunshine from outside the window indicates
|a new beginning
|It's different but it's only Monday morning
|It always repeats|
Waiting
Chapter 4:Part 2-And So It Begins (all over again)
By: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|mado kara sasu hizashi wa
|atarashii hajimarisa
|chigau yo tada no getsuyou no asa
|itsumo no kurikaeshi|
"WHAT?!" I splutter, the Dr. Pepper I had just sipped coming back out of my mouth and all over the dashboard.
"Fuck!" I exclaimed, snatching a napkin and wiping it off. However, my hands were trembling so much that I was missing every spot of Dr. Pepper I tried to wipe down.
Taking pity on me, 'tousan leaned over and gently took the napkin from my hands, wiping the dashboard down himself. He didn't even comment on my use of the f-word, which he frowns upon. He doesn't mind me saying it so much, he just doesn't like me saying it around him.
"What do you mean, Ken's escaped?" I asked, my voice shaking. Hell, my whole body was shaking by now.
"He's escaped. I don't know the details, but it was on the news. One of the other guys reported it."
"No," I whisphered, not wanting to believe it. I had thought the nightmare was at last over, that I could put Ken behind me and get on with my life.
But now he's out and I'm gonna have to be on guard 24/7 again, living my life in continuous fear that he'll come after me again, abuse me, rape me.
God no, I don't think I can go through that again. The nightmares are enough without having them come true.
Come true.
Jesus.
That nightmare.
The one I told Tai about.
The one in which Ken kills Tai.
Suddenly the confines of the car seem to be even smaller. I feel trapped, I can't breathe. No matter how many deep breaths I take, air will not come. I can hear the fast pounding of my heart, can sense the panic swiftly rising within me.
Jesus. I still can't breathe.
"Take me back," I croaked. "Hospital. It's safe there."
'tousan looked at me, concern quite visible in his face. "Matt? What's wrong?"
Dammit! I need air!
"Take me back.."
'tousan obeyed, hightailing it out of there and heading as fast as he could towards the hospital. I think he could sense I was having another panic attack. Soon I was lying back in my hospital bed, air being forced into my lungs with an oxygen mask.
When I felt like I could breathe on my own again, they took the mask off.
Dr. Kaos shoed 'tousan out of there, then turned to me.
"What happened Matt?"
"Ken's out," I said, starting to tremble ever so slightly. Dr. Kaos saw the warning signs and backed off.
"Allright, allright, just don't think about it," he instructed. "Think about something else. Your band, your favorite song, your boyfriend. Whatever. Just don't think about the other thing."
I nodded, taking a shaky breath. "I'll try."
And that's what I did.
Closing my eyes, I attempted to clear my mind of everything. When it was void of thoughts at last, I went back in time to a faraway place, a memory I turned to when everything else failed me.
"...Mommy! I hungwy!" little four year old Yamato whined, tugging on his mother's pants.
Mrs. Ishida smiled and looked down at her son. "You're hungry, huh? Well, what should we do about that now, huh?"
Yamato shrugged his small shoulders and grinned up at her. "Can we go to Cwover? Huh? Pwease? Can we go to Cwover?"
She pondered this for a moment, then went to her bedroom and got her purse. Yamato followed her, begging to go to 'Cwover'.
After counting how much money she had, she looked down at the blond toddler. "Allright, we can go. What do you say we make it just the two of us, and leave Takeru home with Daddy?"
"Yeah!" Yamato exclaimed, jumping up and down happily. "Jus' two of us!" She gave the boy another smile, then picked him up and carried him into his bedroom to get him cleaned and dressed.
She didn't really have enough money for this little trip to Clover, but why spoil her son's fun?
Thinking back on that memory, I always wondered what it was that made Mom decide to take me to Clover. Ever since Takeru had been born, she hadn't seemed to focus her attention on me that much. She always fussed about with Takeru, when she wasn't arguing with dad, that is.
If I had asked her any other day to take me to Clover, she almost certainly would have told me to fix myself some food. Especially since she couldn't even really afford to take me. (I only knew that b/c I heard her and 'tousan arguing later that night about it)
But nevertheless, she had taken me to Clover, and that day she had seemed like the mother she had been before Takeru. She had been her kind and caring self, and I had actually had fun. Two days later she and 'tousan split.
It's funny, really. Up until the last few years, I had always looked upon that memory with guilt and regret. I always felt that if I hadn't asked mom to take me to Clover, just the two of us, then maybe she dad wouldn't have argued about it, and maybe they'd still be together. Of course, when I got older, I realized the divorce was inevitable, but at the time I felt I was to blame.
Now I can look back on that memory as a happy, loving time. A memory to cherish. It always calms me when I think of it.
It is this memory I think of now, erasing all thoughts of Ken from my mind. And it is with this memory still fresh in my mind that I fall asleep.
+-+-+-+
"...Mommy! I hungwy!"
"You're hungry, huh? Well, what should we do about that now, huh?"
"Can we go to Cwover? Huh? Pwease? Can we go to Cwover?"
"Sure we can got to Cwover, Yamato. And after you fill your stomach of my cum, we can fuck like a couple of dumb bunnies. How does that sound?"
"Ken!"
"No, Tai. I'm Tai, Yamato."
"You're not! Tai wouldn't call me Yamato. Only you called me Yamato! No one else!"
"That's right, and no one else better call you Yamato."
"What do you want from me Ken? Why is it me you're doing this to?"
"I told you Yamato. I love you."
"No. If you loved me, you wouldn't rape me!"
"Rape? RAPE? You think I rape you? Yamato, I would hardly call it rape when you sit there and beg me to fuck you! You're a little slut, Yamato. My whore. Always were and always will be here. Now come here and let me fuck you hard, the way you like."
"No.. I won't.."
"Come here Yamato..."
"No..."
Ken advances toward me menacingly then, a huge knife in his hand. I turn to run, but everything slows. Ken's upon me now, tearing my clothes off, entering me, raping me over and over..
I moan.
"See, Yamato, you like that, don't you?" he whisphers. "Little slut."
I woke up screaming.
+-+-+-+
"Matt! Wake up! It's a dream, Matt! A dream!"
I come to my senses slowly, taking in the surroundings gradually. Eventually I come to realize I am in a hospital room, not 'tousan's bedroom.
I see 'tousan standing over me worriedly, faint relief peeping through when he realizes I am not being held in the grips of the nightmare anymore.
"Otousan," I said, then burst into frightened tears.
Otousan sits on the edge of my bed next to me and pulls me closer to him, holding me tightly the way he used to when I was little and had nightmares of monsters lurking in the closet or waiting for me under my bed.
I cry for quite awhile, all the fears and frustrations and undirected rage at what had been done to me being released with those little drops of water. Everything that I had kept locked up in that little box in the back of my brain finally found a way out, and now that it had, I seemed to be loath to put it back under lock and key again. It was out, and it was out to stay.
After awhile my tears are reduced to nothing mere sobs, and I lean away from dad, much calmer and less frightened.
"Are you okay now Matt?" Otousan asks me, and I nod.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"It's okay. You needed that."
"I guess," I said uncertainly. What I really needed was to have never met Ken Ichijouji.
"Maybe you should stay in the hospital a few more days," Otousan mused.
"No, I can't!" I said, black waves of despair washing over me. "I can't stay in this damn hospital any longer than Monday! I have that concert, remember?"
"Huh? Oh yes, that's right. All right. It was just a thought," Otousan reassured me.
"A bad one."
"Not so bad," he told me. "If you didn't have that concert, I'd insist. You don't need to have nightmares that wake you up screaming. Not when your seventeen. Four, maybe. Seventeen, no. If you're having nightmares at seventeen, there's something wrong."
"Of course there's something wrong!" I snarled viciously, suddenly angry. "I'm fucked up! That's what's wrong!"
Otousan winced but chose not to comment.
After a few minutes I apologized. "Sorry, that sounded harsher than I meant it to."
"It's allright."
"But it's not allright!" I wailed. "Nothing's ever allright anymore! It won't ever be allright again!"
I could slowly feel myself losing control, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I just didn't feel like myself anymore. What I told Otousan was true. I was fucked up.
"Matt, just calm down," Otousan instructed me. "Getting hysterical about all this won't help any."
Easy for him to say.
"I'm not getting hysterical! I'm.." I stopped, forgetting entirely what I was about to say. "I'm... I'm... tired.."' I murmur, overcome with the need to sleep.
Yawning, I glance at Otousan, barely getting 'night' out before dropping into a fitful sleep.
+-+-+-+
"Yo Matt!"
I glance over from staring blankly at the ceiling, acknowledging Tai standing in my doorway, then go back to debating whether the cracks directly above my bed look more like a bouverain creme filled donut or a bunch of weasels. (That little bit actually comes from a song by weird al yankovic called alburqurque. btb, I probably spelled yankovic wrong, as well as bouverain, but oh well)
I was opting for the weasels.
Tai comes over and sits down next to me, sensing my foul mood.
"Matt, what's wrong?" he asked me.
"There are too many weasels in that box," I said, just as 'tousan walks back in. He had stayed the whole night after my nightmare, and left only briefly to go down to the hospital cafeteria and eat.
"Weasels?" Tai asked me in confusion. "Oh hey Mr. Ishida," he added when he saw 'tousan.
"Weasels," I confirmed. "There are too many. Eight weasels are bad news. There should be only seven."
"Well then take one out of the box," Tai told me uneasily, unsure as to what in hell I was talking about.
I saw 'tousan giving me a strange look as well and decidedly shut up before he felt like it would be best to keep me in the hospital another day on the claim of temporary insanity or something like that.
"Never mind," I sighed. Now would be a good idea to change the subject.
"How come you're here so early Tai? I didn't expect you until late in the afternoon."
"Well... let's just say my mom didn't approve of my opinions on doing errands for her."
I rolled my eyes. If Dad wasn't in here, I'd ask him exactly what happened, but it was obvious he didn't want 'tousan to hear.
"Whatever," I told Tai, dismissing the subject, much to his relief.
We sat in silence before Tai began to tell me what happened at school Friday. It was actually kinda boring, because aside from when he and Ny&Kenji ran from the principal, nothing happened. Until he related to me a rather intriguing piece of information.
".. I did hear an interesting piece of news, though. You know Genjitsu, ne?" <--- ne?=right?
I shook my head.
"Oh come on Matt! Everybody knows Genjitsu! He's that really tall dude, got jet black hair that he keeps slicked back, dark brown eyes that look black, always dresses in those black, baggy clothes?"
I frowned. "He sounds familiar, but I can't place him."
After an uneasy glance at 'tousan, Tai said, "He's the only known gay in the school," with a slight emphasis on known.
"Genjitsu... Genjitsu.." I mused. "Hmm... Wait a minute, isn't he the guy that Kenji's friend Keiichi slept with?"
'tousan's face turned a slight purple color when I said that, but I was too interested in this little tidbit to care.
"More than just slept with. They've been going out for three years."
"Yeah.. yeah, that's right. I remember now. I think I even met Genjitsu once or twice."
"Yeah. Well anyways, apparently Keiichi's been cheating on Genjitsu with Sai-I know you know Sai-" here I nodded, everybody knew Sai, his reputation was as well known as Kento's, 'cept Sai's was for a slut and not a bully "and apparently Gen found out about it. Well, you know Gen gets a huge temper when he's pissed, so at lunch Friday, he got up on the stage in front of the cafeteria and told Keiichi off right then and there. Then later, he managed to sneak in the principal's room -I think it's cos he works in the office seventh- and he turned the intercom on and told the whole school Keiichi was a slut 'cept nobody should ever sleep with him because he was really horrible in bed, and then he started to describe just how bad Keiichi was, although the principal came in and dragged him off, which relieved the guys and disappointed the girls. It was rather funny."
"I bet," I said, wishing I had been there to witness this. "Who's Genjitsu going out with now?"
"Yeah, well, that's the strange thing. At first the rumor was he was going with Sai, but as that's who Keiichi was cheating with, that soon proved to be false. Anyways, it is now a known fact that Genjitsu is going with .. with Ratsuii. And they've already slept together." Tai added.
"WHAT?!" I yelped. "But Ratsuii's no more gay than Kenji is! He told me himself he's straight! What in hell is he doing with Gen?"
"Apparently trying new things out, is what he told me."
"I thought he was done trying new things out," I remarked, frowning.
"Guess not."
"Hmm... Gen and Ratsuii.. a rather odd couple... this is gonna take some getting used to. I just hope we don't lose a major percentage of our female fans at the concert Tuesday, as they provide us the money that pays for keeping the band together."
"I don't think that will happen," Tai reassured me. "The majority of them already know that Kenji and Ratsuii are straight."
"Yeah, but I wonder how long-" I started to say, then stopped. I had been about to say 'I wonder how long it will take Jun to realize I'm gay, but realized my father was still wholly present and all ears to my conversation with my boyfriend.
"You wonder what?" he asked me.
"Nothing. Never mind." +-+-+-+
"Matt, I'm going down to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite to eat. I'll be gone for a little while. Do you want anything?"
"No."
"Tai?"
"No thanks, Mr. Ishida."
'tousan nodded, then heading for the cafeteria.
The second he was gone, Tai made a beeline for me, kissing me passionately. I responded well, though not as eagerly as I might have before Ny had kissed me. After a few minutes, Tai drew back. "I've been wanting to do that for ages," he breathed.
I nodded. "Me too," but my voice lacked conviction.
Sensing it, Tai studied it. "Matt?"
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's just... you didn't seem as thrilled about that kiss as I figured you would be."
Shit. The last thing I need is for Tai to find about Nyusumi.
"I was. I'm just tired is all."
"Allright," Tai replied, but he looked doubtful.
Shit. Please don't find out about Nyusumi.
+-+-+-+
Monday morning. I sigh, looking around our messy apartment. The sight of it depresses me. It would have been nice to come from the hospital to a clean house.
My room is no better. The second I walk in, I spot the junk lying all over the floor and scowl.
"What's wrong Matt?" Tai asks me when I frown. "I thought you would be happy to be home."
"I am. It's just..... well, I thought in the hospital, that when I came home on Monday, I could kinda start over, with my life, so to speak. You know, sorta like a new beginning. Because I know I said I was fine, but the nightmares prove that false. ... I- I haven't really gotten over Ken. I'm still kinda depressed and- and-" I broke off, flushing. I wasn't used to speaking my true feelings so openly. "And seeing this apartment in the same state as always makes it hard to start over," I finished lamely.
I think Tai knew what I wanted to really say anyway. He walked over to me, pulling me close in a tight hug. "Oh Matt," he said. "We can always clean the apartment. That's not important. What's important is the fact that you're willing to start getting over Ken. And I want you to know that I'll always be there beside you. I told you I'd always wait for you, no matter what. That's still true. Nothing can change that. But know I'll be right beside you as well. We'll get over Ken, the both of us together."
I just kind of let out this contented sigh and rested my head comfortably against his shoulder, still letting him hold me.
Suddenly I no longer cared about Ken. I didn't what he had done to me. I didn't care that he was loose again. I just didn't care. All that matters is that I'm with Tai, I'll always be with Tai, he promised. And Tai is all I really need to make me happy.
"I love you, Yagami Taichi," I whispher, lifting my head to stare into his chocolate brown orbs.
He smiles, tilting my chin up and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. "I love you too Matt Ishida," he whisphers.
I hesitate, then whispher back, "Tai... you can.. you can..."
"What love?"
"You can.. use my.. my full name ..sometimes," I tell him, trying to push away all thoughts of Ken, all the bad memories associated with him.
Tai smiles brilliantly at me. "Oh Yama.." he says softly, tears filling in his eyes. "God but I'm proud of you. I love you so much."
It was me who kissed him this time, putting all my heart and soul into that kiss. Everything just felt so right, so good, with Tai. It was like we were destined together. Rather ironic. Me, who always said destiny was a bunch of bullshit, and now I'm saying destiny is the reason for me and Tai. Maybe it's not a load of crap after all.
+-+-+-+
I sigh, and flop down on my bed with an exaggerated groan. Tai flops down beside me. Both of us are exhausted, not to mention a little tense as well. We had finally finished cleaning my room, which had taken about four and a half hours. During the course of that time, we had argued thrice, made out about a million times, and had a serious conversation once.
The serious conversation had been rather awkward for me.
While Tai was helping me clean, he happened to find a few old joints I still had squirreled away in my room. I had flirted with the weed for a while when I had been depressed over Tai, knowing I had loved him but never thought I had a chance. That had been way before Ken, almost a year ago. I don't know why but I had become really depressed about everything during that time. Luckily I managed to get over it, but then it didn't matter because then Ken raped me. Anyways, Tai was rather upset at finding the weed. It's not like he had never touched the stuff, and he knew I've tried worse stuff, but this was some major grass here. I mean, I seriously had about three pounds worth of the shit hidden. Tai was just worried I was going to become a junkie. I guess he was afraid I was still taking the crap. Anyways, we talked, and I managed to convince him I hadn't touched the stuff in over nine months.
As of now the bag of weed was lying in the middle of my clean floor, very visible to 'tousan who had just walked in my room.
He started to say something, spotted the weed, and cut short his sentence, giving me a stern look. I didn't even know why, I didn't realize he spotted my old addiction.
Frowning, he motioned for me to follow him to the living room.
After telling Tai I'd be right back and not to go anywhere, I went with 'tousan. He sat me down on the couch and stood in front of me, looking very serious.
"Matt, what was that on your bedroom floor?"
"What do you mean?" I protested, still not realizing. "I cleaned my room! There isn't anything!"
"The bag," he said pointedly, giving me a Look.
"The bag?" this said with confusion, right before it slammed into me. "Oh," I said softly. That was all I said. I don't know why. It just was.
"Oh?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow.
I stayed silent. 'tousan sighed. "Matt.."
"Err... it's..it's nothing 'tousan. Really. Just some stuff I was taking." I cringed as I realized how bad my wording must have sounded to him.
"Just some stuff?"
"Err.."
"Matt, that's illegal marijuana you had on your floor!"
"I know. But I'm not taking it anymore. Tai just happened to find it when we cleaned my room. I swear, it's nothing now. I took it about a year ago, before Ken, when I was de-depressed. It never became an addiction, and I got over it and my low feelings. I promise that's all it was."
'tousan sighed again. "I certainly hope that's all it was. And that's all it ever better be," he threatened. "But in the meantime.."
"Yeah?"
"What in hell are we gonna do with all that junk?"
+-+-+-+
We ended up smoking it. Well, some of it. The rest was burned. But as to why we had a few joints.. I really couldn't tell you. Neither could Dad or Tai. We just did. What a great way to get a new start, huh?
Anyways, while I was still hopped on the marijuana, the band showed up my door.
"Yo Matt!" Kenji greeted. Ratsuii echoed his sentiments. Nyusumi remained silent, I guess embarrassed about what happened the last time we saw each other.
"Hello Kenji, Ratsuii," I greeted them. My voice was all calm and peaceful like.
They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then simultaneously turned back to me. "Woah, what have you been smoking?" "And where did you get it? You sound completely stoned."
Just then 'tousan came into the room. "Oh, hello boys," he said, a little to calm. Usually his voice sounded stressed. His eyes also had this slightly glassy, far away look to them, as if he wasn't in the apartment but at some other place known only to him. Of course, now that I think about it, he probably was.
"You're stoned too?" Kenji asked in disbelief. "Damn Matt, how'd you manage that?"
"Where did you get it?" Ratsuii asked again. "And care to share a little?"
"All gone," Tai spoke up sadly, speaking from the chair in the corner where he'd been slumped over, unnoticed. "All gone.. we burned it. All gone. No more."
"Tai?" they whirled around.
"Now how are we supposed to practice, with everyone stoned?" Ny grumbled, speaking up for the first time since he set foot in the door.
"Practice for what?" I asked in that same, eerie voice.
"You know.. for tomorrow's concert.." Nyusumi told me, looking at me uneasily. "You did remember, didn't you?"
"Remember?"
"Oh God!" Kenji exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Let's go! We can come back later, when they're not all stoned."
The others agreed, and the three of them started heading back out of the apartment.
"It all burned," Tai said sadly after them as they left. "All gone."
(I have no idea why I wrote that part!!)
+-+-+-+
"God, I feel like shit," I groaned, lifting my head from where I was tangled on top of Tai.
Underneath me, he muttered and shifted in his sleep.
With bleary eyes, I looked around. Apparently 'tousan had suddenly just dropped dead away on the floor, because he was lying right in front of the tv.
Luckily he managed not to break anything, and the rest of the room was still in the same disastrous state it was before we all smoked that shit.
I shivered a little as I felt a breeze float in from the window that was open in the kitchen. It was so cold in here! Why?
I felt Tai shift under me again, and he would have fallen off the couch if I hadn't been on top of him still.
Then it hit me.
Tai and I were wearing nothing but boxers. Oh God, what had we done?
My mind racing, I tried to call up anything I had done while stoned. Nothing came to mind.
Over on the floor, 'tousan stirred, then sat up, putting a hand to his forehead. "Jesus," he muttered.
I cringed, hoping he wouldn't notice my state of undress. No such luck.
"Matt?"
"Yeah...?"
"Remind me to never let you get stoned again."
"Um.. why?"
"Because I'd prefer to not see you making out with your best friend," he said calmly.
"WHAT?!" I yelped. "I made out with Tai?"
Oh shit! Please let him think it was because I stoned! Please! Kami-sama!
He nodded. "Yes. It was really strange. If you hadn't been stoned, I would have wondered what the hell you were doing."
If I hadn't been stoned. Thank God! I let out a sigh relief.
Beneath me, Tai shifted for a third time, coming to a state of waking.
"I feel like shit," he commented. Then he let out a yell so loud I bet even the people way over in South America heard him. "WHY IN HELL I AM I PRACTICALLY NUDE?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!"
+-+-+-+
Two weeks have gone by since I made out with Tai while stoned. Luckily 'tousan never once questioned me about it. I needn't tell you I'm most relieved.
My new beginning, however, has gone done the drain. I try so hard to start over, but how can I when all everybody talks about is Ken?
On the news: "Ichijouji Ken, the former child prodigy, found guilty of the sexual abuse delivered to Ishida Yamato, is still at large. Efforts are being made..."
In the newspaper headlines: 'Former child genius still missing'
At school: "Hey, you heard? They say Ken still hasn't been found. I wonder where he is?"
"Yah, and how do you think he managed to escape?"
"Well, it was only a juvenile detention center."
From Tai, even: "Hey, Ken hasn't dared showed his face around here, has he?"
God, I am so fucking sick of it!!! What is so important about that bastard that everybody feels a need to talk about him 24/7!!! He's not that big a deal. Yeah, he abused me physically and sexually. Yeah, he escaped from prison. Yeah, he's crazy. SO WHAT? Why does that mean you have to talk about him every second of your existence? FORGET HIM!!! LET ME SUFFER IN PEACE!!!!!
Oh, by the by, that concert? It was a total breeze. I didn't even need the practice. The second I picked up my guitar, all the music came flowing back into my mind.
However, there were more people there than ever before. Mostly girls. I bet they all heard about what happened to me and came to see me. Plus that little thing about Ratsuii and Genjitsu now being an item.
Jun and her little groupies were there too. And after the concert, she actually had the nerve to push her way backstage and ask me out for a date!! That's the second time in her life she's asked me out.
I told her no, of course. Although, I didn't tell her I was taken already. I didn't want to suffer her wrath.
A knock at the door cut into my thoughts. Sighing, I stood and went to answer it.
When I pulled open the door, I took one look at the visitor and slammed the door back shut and locked it, then leaned against it, breathing heavily, trying not to let the fear take over.
Oh shit! What was he doing here? Why did he come back? He couldn't possibly want....
"Matt?"
Wait, he's calling me Matt? But.. why? He always called me Yamato before.
"Matt? Please let me in..."
I opened my mouth to tell him to go away, but what came out was this strange cry, a cry of fear.
Already I could feel the tears trailing out of my eyes and falling down across my cheeks. "Oh please.." I sobbed through the closed door. "Please go away.."
"Matt, please just me let me in. I don't want to hurt you."
"You lie..."
God, I need Tai. I feel like I'm about to have another panic attack.
"Matt please!" he begged.
"Go away Ken..."
End Part 4:2
Author's Notes: Eep! Ken's back! At Yama's no less! What could he possibly want? Heheh...
part four:three