Waiting, Book 1, Chapter 4:3
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Argh!!! For the last time (not really), DIGIMON IS NOT MINE!!!! *Lowers head in hands and cries* WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER BELIEVE ME!!!!! I LOST MY CASE, DIGIMON IS NOT IN MY POSSESSION, SO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!! And yes, the song is another Ace of Base song coming from their CD The Sign. The name of the song is... The Sign. It's kinda long, I put the whole song, because it goes with much of this fic and even some of Untold Secrets very well.
Author's Notes: Whelp, I'm back yet again with yet another part. This is still Chapter 4, so it's still in Matt's pov (well duh, Ken just showed up, I couldn't do that from Tai's pov!). Anyways, I truly hadn't planned on Ken showing up at all, he was only gonna escape just to escape and put more strain on Matt, but then I was sitting in homeroom yesterday and reading some of my inserts I'd wrote for future parts to this story, and the idea hit me. Have Ken come and see Matt! I immediately tried to get the idea out of my head, I wanted Ken to remain a complete bad guy for this series, but the idea wouldn't leave. So after much banging the head on the desk (I got a few strange looks!) I accepted the idea and now here I am writing it all out. So for all of you that love Ken, here's your chance to see the good, sweet side of him! (Hey, I luv Ken too ^_~)
--->Translation:
|none, it doesn't need one!|
Waiting
Chapter 4:Part 3-Apologies and Discoveries
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|shock!
|I got a new life
|you would hardly recognize me
|I'm so glad
|how can a person like me care for you
|why do I bother
|when you're not the one for me
|is enough enough|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|life is demanding without understanding
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|no one's gonna drag you up
|to get into the light where you belong
|but where do you belong?|
|under the pale moon
|for so many years I've wondered
|who you are
|how can a person like you bring me joy
|under the pale moon
|where I see a lot of stars
|is enough enough|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|life is demanding without understanding
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|no one's gonna drag you up
|to get into the light where you belong
|but where do you belong?|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my mind
|and I am happy now living without you
|I've left you
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|no one's gonna drag you up
|to get into the light where you belong|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign|
"Matt please let me in! If you don't I swear I will break this door down! I don't want to, but you have to let me in! I swear I won't hurt you!"
How could he be saying all that? Did he really think I was that stupid? However, I did believe he would break the door down, and since I couldn't explain that one to 'tousan, I unlocked the door against my better judgment.
It took my forever to undo the lock, my hands were shaking so. It took every ounce of my willpower to stay and not run away from that door, screaming and crying out my fear. When I finally got the door unlocked, I retreated to the couch and sank down into it, clutching tightly to one of the pillows, calling out in a shaky voice that Ken could enter if he so desired.
He did so cautiously, opening the door and shutting it behind him slowly. I noticed he didn't lock it, which I took to be a good sign.
However, I was frightened beyond all depths of normalcy, my body was shaking so badly that my to my eyes, the whole room looked trembly. Tears were rolling out of my cheeks, me helpless to stop them. I didn't want to cry in front of Ken, I was afraid it would piss him off and cause him to hurt me, but there was nothing I could do to keep from crying.
Ken approached me, taking care to make sure I realized he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't, I was too terrified. He finally stopped a few feet in front of me, and I just shrunk back further into the couch.
"Please don't hurt me," I whisphered.
Ken just shook his head, and it was then I noticed the tears leaking out of his own eyes.
My eyes widened; Ken was crying? What in hell?
"If you're not hear to hurt me, then what do you want?" I asked him, trying to calm myself, so as not to hyperventilate or anything.
"I..." he tried.
We then lapsed into silence for awhile, until the jangling of the phone startled me. I jumped about five miles high, I swear, then carefully leaned over to pick up the receiver, mindful of Ken standing there.
"Moshi moshi, Ishida residence," I answered.
"Matt?"
It was 'tousan.
I let out a silent sigh of relief. "Hey Otousan," I said.
"Hey listen, I just called to tell you that someone spotted Ken in our neighborhood. He hasn't shown up, has he?"
"No, Otousan," I said quietly. "Ken's not here."
He's standing right in front of me.
Ken flinched when I said he wasn't here, but he wisely didn't say anything.
"Alright, well be mindful of him, hear?"
"Alright."
I already was.
"Well, I'll be a little later than usual, be extremely careful. Bye, Matt."
"Bye Otousan." I hung up, then looked at Ken.
"Alright, I just lied about your presence, hurry up and tell me why you're here so you can leave and I continue living in my hell," I said with much more bravery and force than I felt.
"Can.. can I sit down next to you?" it was a barely a whispher, but I heard the request nonetheless, freezing up completely. To have Ken close to me again, sitting next to me.... I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet.
"No... I can't...."
He nodded, understanding why I guess. "Allright."
"Well?"
"Um... I .. I just c-came to say..." he took a deep shuddering breath "I.. I'm sorry."
My eyes grew large and round. Suddenly I wasn't so frightened anymore. Just shocked and confused. Very, very confused.
"S-sorry?" I croaked out.
He nodded. "Yeah, sorry. F-For what I did to you. It was wrong, horribly wrong, and-and I don't know what possessed me to hurt you so much, especially since I really love you, I really do, I don't know why I did that, I'm sorry Matt, so sorry, I should have n-never... I'm so stupid!" he wailed, crying in earnest. The words were tumbling out of him in a rush, as if he'd never have enough time to say them all. "I know you can never forgive me for hurting you so deeply, and I'm not asking you to, but I swear I am so sorry, words alone can never repay the anguish I must have caused you, I'm just an insensitive bastard God Jesus Matt I am so sorry.."
By now he was unable to continue, he was crying too hard. I was crying as well, shocked by the sincerity in his words. He was right, I could never forgive, but in that moment, some of my hatred for him died.
Finally Ken calmed down enough to choke out something else.
"The darkness..."
I frowned. "What about it?"
"It.. it was so hard to control those days.. I was constantly sinking into a black hole, and trying so desperately to fight it.. When you rejected me.. I finally fell... I totally lost control.. I'm so sorry!"
The darkness... "Why? Why were you.. losing to the darkness? What happened?" Ken stayed silent for a long time, not speaking. He was still crying, but not so much as he had been before.
At last he spoke up. "Well.. for a-a long time.. I was having these dreams..." he said, then swayed dizzily for a moment. He must have been tired of standing. "About what?" I asked quietly as I silently motioned for him to sit down on the opposite end of the couch. I was still afraid of him, but not so much as before. "I... I was the Kaiser again. In the Digital World. I felt like I was always surrounded by something that continuously choked me."
I raised an eyebrow. "Why? What was causing these dreams?"
" Um... a- a while before.... my.. my mom had... she had a .. well, I got a baby b-b-brother..." once again he was becoming hard to understand, whatever happened had been emotionally upsetting for him. "Well.. one night.. we.. we hired a babysitter for Su...su.. Sub-ba.. Subaru.... because we were-were going out t-to eat and.. when we came back......babysitter..r-r-r-raped.....dead...shot t-twice..... Subaru..stabbed..dead..."
and it was here he stopped and flung himself at me, sobbing wildly. At first I completely froze, ally my the emotions and memories flaring up into turmoil within me, having Ken actually touching me again was strange and scary, to say the least. But after a few minutes I relaxed just enough to let him lean comfortably into my chest, so I didn't feel stiff as a board to him. However, no way in hell could I bring myself to put my arms around him or hold him anyway. That was just too much for me.
+-+-+-+
"I guess I don't have to tell you that you'll never see me again?" Ken asked, looking at me.
I shook my head. "No. I understand. It's better this way for the both of us." He nodded. "Yeah. I guess so." He seemed sad though. I guess I can understand why. "Well, I guess I should get going. You know, return to the juvenile detention center." He gave a little snort at that.
"Alright," I said quietly. Even though I knew he wasn't so much a monster he seemed to be, I still hated him and still couldn't forgive him for what he did to me, so knowing he would be locked back up made me feel much more secure.
Ken turned to leave, and when he was halfway down the hallway he turned back to me. "Matt?"
"Yeah?"
"I still love you!" he shouted.
I waved to let him know I heard as I rolled my eyes. That made three people that loved me. Ken, Nyusumi, and of course my Taichi.
Then Ken got on the elevator, and though I then thought it was the last time I'd ever see him, it wasn't.
+-+-+-+
A small contented sigh escaped my mouth as Taichi's lips brushed against my own in a gentle kiss. I know he expected me to press and make it real, so to speak, but I just wasn't in the mood.
Finally Tai moved back from me. "Matt, what's the matter with you? You haven't been yourself all day."
I tried to protest that I was fine and just tired, but Tai wasn't buying it. "No Matt," he said sternly, "Something's wrong and I won't leave you alone until you tell me what the hell it is that's bothering you."
I leaned back against the headboard of my bed, sighing. I didn't speak, and Tai just waited patiently, for once in his life.
Finally I began. "Ken came to visit me today."
Tai's fists clenched at that, and he immediately demanded, "He didn't hurt you did he?"
I shook my head quickly, cutting off anything else he might have been about to say. "No, he left me alone. He actually came to apologize about what he did. He told me something rather disturbing. He had a little baby brother, Subaru, and..."
"I know," Tai said, guiltily, it seemed. "Kari told me. She heard from Daisuke."
"You knew? And you didn't tell me?" I asked accusingly.
"I didn't want to upset you," he explained. "Every time someone mentioned Ken's name, you'd get so torn up inside. I was afraid of scaring you worse."
"Oh."
We grew silent at that, not speaking.
Then I leaned over and returned the butterfly kiss Tai had given me. He smiled, and then kissed me back with surprising force. I parted my lips ever so slightly, granting entrance, and his tongue slid inside my mouth, dancing with my own tongue.
As we continued to make out, Tai's hands slid down and up under my shirt, grasping a nipple. I let out a little gasp as he gave it a little pinch, and moved to get revenge, but suddenly Tai pulled back from me completely, letting out a sneeze and just totally ruining the moment.
"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly.
I just laughed.
However, his sneeze turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as just then my dad came home.
He appeared in my doorway shortly after I heard the front door slam.
"Um, Matt?"
"Yeah dad?" I asked.
"I have some bad news."
+-+-+-+
"WHAT?! You're going to South Africa? But why?" I wailed.
"I already told you, Matt," 'tousan said, slightly exasperated. "There's a story there that I have to cover. If I could, I would have told the station to send someone else. But as it is, I haven't taken a vacation in seventeen years, since the day you were born, and the other guys think I need a break. So they're sending me to South Africa."
"But what about me? You're just gonna leave me alone?"
"Trust me, I don't want to, especially not with Ken on the loose. But there's absolutely nothing I can do. The station's already threatened to fire me if I don't go. Besides," 'tousan told me with forced patience. "You're seventeen, eighteen in a few weeks. You're fully capable of staying by yourself for a few days. You'll be okay."
Well, I knew that. Even more so then he did, because unlike him, I knew Ken was no longer a threat. But for some reason, I just didn't want him to leave. I guess I was just afraid of being left alone.
"Oh come on Matt," Tai spoke up beside me. "You're dad's right. You're perfectly safe. And if you like, I can stay with you for a few nights."
I didn't miss the implications in that suggestion. Discreetly, I gave Tai a Look, then looked back at 'tousan.
"How long will you be gone again?" I sighed, not wanting to give in but knowing I had to.
"Just a week Matt," he said. "No more than that, I promise."
I let out another defeated sigh. "Allright. But only if you stay with me the whole time Tai."
"Promise," Tai said seriously.
I gave a small smile.
"Better keep that promise."
+-+-+-+
"Are you okay?" Tai whisphered to me.
"I'm scared Tai," I confessed. "I don't know why. I mean, even though you're here with me, I still feel afraid. Afraid of being left alone. I-I guess it's because all those times Dad would leave for work, I'd be alone, and then Ken would come..."
"But Ken's already made it clear he's not gonna hurt you again," Tai pointed out.
"I know, but what's to say he's not lying? I.. Tai, how can I ever trust Ken again after what he did to me? That's asking the impossible!"
"Shh Yama.. I know," Tai soothed me. "Just don't think about Ken anymore. He's out of your life, put him out of your mind."
"I can't put him out of my mind! God Tai, you can't just ask me that so simply! That's like forgetting a whole chunk of my life. You don't realize, do you?"
"Don't realize what?"
"How much this affected me," I said softly. "I mean... Listen. The very first time Ken.. the first time he hurt me... I cried nonstop for days on end. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't go to school. I didn't even get up from my bed. When Dad asked me what was wrong, I told him to fuck off and go to hell. And before I even had time to really think about what Ken did to me, he showed up and hurt me again.
"Tai, he broke me. He broke my trust, my belief. He betrayed my friendship, stole my innocence, hurt me worse beyond anything I could ever imagine. He put my through my own personal hell, drove me to near suicide, made me despise my very existence. Every night I would cry myself to what passed for sleep, only to wake screaming with nightmares. And he had me locked up in a fear so great I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone with the information that he was hurting me. No matter how much my dad or my doctor begged, I maintained silence. "Everything he did to me is etched on my memory. I can't very well take a chisel to it and scrape it away. Things just don't work that way, no matter how much we wish them to."
"God Yama," Tai said, eyes wide. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"What was the point?" I asked him bitterly. "You just would have thought I was weird and told me to get over it anyways. I mean, people get raped all the time. Why would I be any different?"
"MATT!"
"WHAT?!"
"You can't be so hard on yourself! Yeah, you're right. People do get raped all the time. But not the way you did. They didn't get raped over and over by someone they knew. They didn't try to kill themselves. They didn't get stabbed in the back, both literally and figuratively.
"And I never would have told you to get over it. I'm not now. I'm merely suggesting you try putting him out of your mind until some of the emotional scars have healed enough for you to be able to think of him again without quite so much pain."
"I doubt that will ever happen," I stated quietly.
"Yes it will," Tai said firmly. "It just takes time."
"I hope so," I sighed, leaning my head against his chest.
He put an arm around me, drawing me closer to him.
I sighed again, feeling quite content. As I rested there, the emotional strain that had been put on me slowly began to catch up with me, and my eyes slowly started closing. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I felt Tai's warm lips press softly against the top of my head.
"I love you so much Matt, you know that?" he whisphered.
I nodded faintly, then sank into a dark warmth.
+-+-+-+
"MATT!"
Quickly latching onto Tai, I tried to steady myself as my younger brother flung himself exuberantly at me. I hadn't seen him since the night I had the panic attack, so I could understand his joy, especially since he knew I had tried to hurt myself.
"Hey Takeru," I said, ruffling his hair a little, now having regained my balance.
He squirmed under my touch. "Hey! You'll mess up my hair!"
I laughed. He sounded a lot like me. Hell, he looked a lot like me. At fourteen, he was the spitting image of me when I was his age.
"What's up kid?" I asked him.
He frowned. "I'm not a kid anymore."
I shrugged my shoulders. "You are to me."
He shrugged too, then went on to say, "Guess what? Dai and I are friends again!" I smiled. "That's great!"
"Yeah, he came over the other day. He apologized for running out on me, and that he was sorry he didn't like me in that way, but he was still willing to be friends with me! So now we're friends!"
"Well, I'm glad for you, Takeru."
Just then we heard the bell in the distance.
"Come on Matt, we're gonna be late," Tai urged. He started dragging me down the sidewalk.
"Hey!" I protested, laughing. "Bai, Takeru! See you later!"
He waved. "Alright! See you!" He turned and begin to head toward the portables where his homeroom was held.
As for me, I got dragged all the way to homeroom by Tai. He didn't let go of me until he had forced me into my seat. Of course, we got quite a few stares (more so because of what certain people thought of me), but we didn't care. For once we were in too good of spirits.
Yamada Sensei raised his eyes.
(A/N: Yamada is this joke between our Japanese class. When our teacher taught us Japanese, she had us always read about a boy named Yamada Toshio. That's always the name we use. ^_^ I don't expect you to get it.)
"Yagami-san, please sit down."
"H-hai!" Tai said, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "Sorry!"
The class tittered. Well, most of them did. A few threw disgusted glances my way. I ignored them, though inside they still stung.
Tai headed to his seat, and Yamada Sensei called the roll. Then we listened to the announcements. It was all boring. After forever, the bell rang. I jumped up and made a beeline for the door. Tai seemed startled at my hasty approach, but he didn't know that I was trying to avoid running into Nyusumi, who had second form in this classroom. I tried to avoid Ny as much as possible, as I was still embarrassed about that kiss. The only times I had seen him were when he showed up while I was stoned! and at the concert, both of which I said very little.
"Matt, slow down!" Tai called.
I ignored him and continued on to my locker. When I reached it, I quickly put in the combination. In my haste, I went past the second number and had to start all over. "Shimatta," I muttered. God I hate this locker. I always get stuck with the worst ones!
Tai finally caught up to me. "Matt, what's wrong? Why'd you leave so fast?"
"I didn't wanna see Ny," I mumbled, intent on cursing my locker until it gave way.
It wasn't until my locker sprung open and Tai asked me why I would avoid Ny that I realized what I said.
"Didn't wanna see Ny? Why not? Why would you wanna avoid him?"
"Crap!" I exclaimed as I stumbled backwards, startled after my locker suddenly swung open. "Avoid Ny? Uh... Did I say that? Well, that wasn't what I meant at all! No! I meant... um..."
I stuttered pointlessly, trying to come up with an excuse while getting my books for my next class.
Just as I shut my locker, the bell rang, giving me an excuse to leave Tai behind.
But he wouldn't let me. Anticipating what I was about to do, he latched onto my arm and held me, not letting me go anywhere. Once again he started dragging me, this time to our usual spot in the old gym.
"Ah! Tai, let me go!" I cried, struggling in vain.
"No," he said.
Still holding me, he pulled open the doors with one hand and dragged me all the way behind the bleachers and forced me sit, where he still held on to me.
"Now," he said once we were settled. "Ever since Nyusumi visited you in the hospital, something seems to be on your mind Matt. I've noticed it but I didn't say anything, not wanting you to get annoyed the way you do when people are always asking you if you're fine. However, you've been avoiding Nyusumi as much as possible. You didn't even stay to hang around with the band after the concert was over. So will you please tell me what the hell is going on between you two?"
"Uh...." I said nervously.
"Matt?"
I sighed. I really didn't want to tell him, but as it was, I didn't have an excuse and I really didn't want to lie to my boyfriend anyway.
"Well... you know Ny likes me, right?"
He nodded.
"Yeah. Well.... when he came to visit me in the hospital.... he... he kissed me." I said, watching Tai's face closely, afraid of what his reaction would be.
His face remained blank, and he didn't speak.
"Tai?"
"He.. he kissed you?"
"Yeah.." I said uncertainly.
"And now you're embarrassed to be around him, is that it?"
"Yeah..." What the hell was wrong with him? Why wasn't he freaking out?
Then to my surprise, Tai started laughing.
I mock glared at him. "What's so damned funny?"
"Sorry," Tai said between fits of laughter. "It's just... I never thought... Nyusumi would have the guts.. to.. kiss you! And now here you are... totally embarrassed by it!"
"Of course I am! And I was scared too," I added. "Scared of how you would react if you found out."
"How did you think I would react?"
"Well, I certainly didn't figure you'd laugh! I kinda figured you'd be pissed."
"No... I can understand why Ny would have done something like that. Just as long as you don't kiss him! And if you're cheating on me with him.."
"I'm not! I'm not!" I yelped.
Tai laughed.
"Come on, let's go to class."
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"Ah, Ishida-san. It's about time you showed up. We're only a year late, are we?" I tried to suppress a sigh as the teacher continued to relentlessly pester me. Since I left school because Ken abused me, this was the first time I had showed up. Even that one day I had showed up at school about a month ago, I didn't show up in this class.
"What took you so long to feel like you were ready to learn again? I'd say you missed this class, except you never paid attention so that can't be right."
"You must have seen the news," I mumbled.
"Ah yes, the news. I guess you were too busy with your relationship with Ichijouji to bother with school then, is that it?"
"No," I muttered. What was this guy's problem? Obviously he was one of the people that thought I gave myself to Ken then lied about it out of shame and guilt.
"No? Then what was it?"
I blushed. "Nothing, Kawada Sensei."
"Nothing? Something must have taken place between you and Ken. If you two weren't screwing each other, then what was it?"
I clenched my fists, trying to repress the urge to beat the shit out of this guy right then and there. I didn't understand why he hated me so much. I mean, what did I ever do to him? He has absolutely no reason whatsoever to pick on me like this.
"We weren't screwing each other," I said tightly. "He was raping me."
Kawada Sensei raised his eyebrows.
"Raping you? At age fifteen? (A/N cut in to say: Someone pointed out when they reviewed Untold Secrets that Ken would only be fourteen and if I added two years to his age, it would have made him sixteen. Well, when I wrote Untold Secrets, I thought 02 were four years younger so 02 01 characters (did you follow that) would have been fifteen and 02 would be eleven, so with Matt seventeen, I thought Ken would be thirteen, which is why I added two years making him fifteen, not realizing he would be sixteen. So I'm just keeping with fifteen, not sixteen.)"
"Yes." I told him, glaring.
"So let me get this straight. He was fifteen, you are seventeen, almost eighteen I presume, and yet he raped you and you couldn't fight back?"
"He was stronger than me!"
"He was stronger than you! He was stronger than you! He was stronger than you! Class," he turned towards them, "how many of you know fifteen years olds stronger than you?"
The class, who had remained completely silent during my exchange with Sensei, did not respond.
"See what I mean?" Sensei asked, facing me again. "Now take your seat Ishida, and I better see you here everyday until school lets out in a few months."
"Hai, Sensei," I said calmly, though inside I was seething, not to mention completely mortified. God he was a bastard! What in hell was his problem? I didn't deserve that kind of shit. And even if he didn't believe Ken abused me, that didn't give him the right to sit there and hassle me about it! Bastard bastard bastard! I hate him!
I felt something wet drop onto my hand, and with some shock I realized I was crying. Silently, so no one else noticed, but I was crying nonetheless.
Then Sensei turned my way, and for a minute I thought he saw my tears, but when he didn't say anything I just assumed he hadn't saw me.
At least I had something to be thankful for in this hellish life.
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"Do those worksheets I gave you at the beginning of class for tonight's homework!" Tadaji Sensei shouted as the final bell rung and the students began racing out of class.
I remained seated until the room was empty except for me, Tai, and Tadaji Sensei.
Tai came over to me. "Yama, aren't you going home?"
I shook my head. "Please don't call me that right now," I requested. "And no, I'm not going home."
"Why not?"
Because I'm too emotionally drained to get up right now. And my pride's been hurt.
All day long, Kawada Sensei had been making excuses to wander the halls between classes, and everytime he'd see me he'd make some remark about mine and Ken's relationship. At lunch, he called me to his classroom on the pretense of giving me makeup homework while he really just continued to ask me shit about Ken and me. By now, my nerves were shot and I was too exhausted to get up, much less leave the classroom and chance seeing Kawada Sensei in the halls.
"Matt?"
"Please go home Tai," I said. "I don't feel like leaving right now, and I need to get a list of back assignments anyway. I'll call you later, okay?"
"I'm staying at your house while your dad's in South America, remember?"
Oh yeah. Damn. Now I have no place to cry.
"That's right. Well then I'll see you in a little bit. But just go now please. I'll make it up to you later."
Tai grinned. "You better. Don't disappoint me, Matt."
Then he was gone and out the classroom.
I turned to Tadaji Sensei. "Sensei, do you have a list of any back assignments I missed these past months?"
Sensei looked up from his desk where he had been grading papers. "Back assignments? Well, I kept up with the first few months, but after about three months I assumed you were gone for good and quit."
He picked up a piece of paper and came over to my desk. "Here's the list I have so far." He went back to his desk and pulled out a notebook, and after going through it, pulled a bunch of various pages out, then came back over to me. "Here are the worksheets and tests we did. I'll let you just do these as take home tests, since there's only a few months left of school. You wouldn't have time to make them all up. And since you're a third year student, it'd make it easier for you to graduate."
I nodded as he spoke. "Thank you," I said when he finished. "Do you mind if I stay in here and work for awhile? I really don't want to go home right now, like I told Tai earlier."
He smiled at me; at least one teacher was on my side. "No, I don't mind. And Tai-?"
"Yeah?"
"Isn't he a third year student too?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Me, him, and Nyusumi-who's in your fourth- all failed biology a few years ago. We had a different teacher though."
"I see," he said. "Allright, well I'll try to get some more back assignments together while you work on those there."
"'k."
The room grew silent, save for the occasional flipping of pages and a few pencil scratching noises coming from me.
But after awhile, Kawada Sensei popped his head in the door. At first I thought he had stalked me here, but then it was obvious he didn't know I was here.
"Akemi, have you seen Toshio?" he asked. "I've been looking for him all afternoon, but I haven't found him."
"Toshio? No, I know he showed up for his homeroom, but I haven't seen him since then."
"Allright."
Kawada Sensei was about to leave, and I silently thanked the gods he hadn't seen me when my luck ran out.
His eyes swept around the room, landing upon me sitting in my desk, staring hatefully at him.
Our eyes locked, and he smirked.
"Well, Ishida. What a surprise to see you here. Didn't feel like running home to your precious Ken for a quick screw? How shocking."
I glared at him, but he just smirked again and left.
"Bastard," I said after he had gone, but my voice had gone all shaky, and once again I noticed I was crying and trembling with hurt and rage.
Tadaji Sensei glanced at me, and though he didn't say anything, I could see the pity in his eyes.
Hurting something awful inside, I just put my head down on my desk and cried, not caring what Tadaji Sensei thought of me.
+-+-+-+
"Matt? Matt, it's five o clock."
I raised my head, still crying. My face was a mess, but I didn't care.
"Do I have to leave?" I asked, wiping my eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears.
"Yeah, I'm afraid so. It's five o clock, I'm leaving, and since I'm the last teacher, the school has to be shut down for the night."
I sighed and nodded, then leaned over and began gathering up my stuff reluctantly.
"See you tomorrow," I said, waving to Tadaji Sensei as I left.
"Goodbye!" he called after me.
I walked home slowly, not really wanting to go home and have Tai see me crying. I was still upset over Kawada Sensei. Not to mention a lot of the students in my second form teased me about it as well. One guy actually had the nerve to ask if I'd sleep with him, but before I could even say anything, he pretended to change his mind, saying he forgot I'd claim rape and get him thrown in jail. For some reason, that hurt worse than anything.
Just as I reached my apartment, I spotted Tai coming out of it. Deciding I couldn't handle any of this right now, I turned and fled.
+-+-+-+
"Matt?"
I didn't respond, just continued staring out at the dark waters below.
"Matt, you're not thinking of jumping off that, are you?" Tai asked me, his voice small and scared.
Once again, I didn't say anything, although a sob tore its way out of my throat. "Matt, please come down," Tai pleaded. "You're scaring me. And everyone else here too."
For a long while I remained silent, but at last I told Tai, "No, I won't jump. I just... need to be left alone to think."
"Yeah right. Matt, please come down."
"No," I said stubbornly.
"Matt!"
I tensed at that voice.
"Ta-takeru?" I asked, turning around carefully.
My 'toutou was standing there, tears streaking his face, looking in that moment a lot like me.
"Matt, please come down," he begged. "It doesn't matter whether you want to jump or not. You could still fall. Please just get off."
"Yes Matt, come down!" Mimi's shrill voice added.
"I..." I stuttered. "I don't want to..."
"Matt, come down!" hundreds of voices suddenly chorused. They were the voices of all the people standing there with Tai and Takeru and Mimi and who knows how many other Chosen. They didn't even know me, and yet they were right there with my friends, asking me to come down.
Sighing, reluctant to leave, I held myself steady and begin to lower myself down, until I was able to clamber off the bridge.
When I reached the bottom, Tai was right there waiting for me. He pulled me into a tight hug and a passionate kiss as everyone around me cheered.
"Don't you ever do that again, Yama!" he admonished. "You really scared me. I was afraid I was gonna lose you."
"I told you I wouldn't jump, Tai. I wasn't lying."
+-+-+-+
A few minutes later, Tai had brought me to a quiet spot in the park, set back in a little cluster of trees away from everybody else. There, he calmed me down and soothed me until, for the first time that morning in second form, I stopped crying completely.
"Matt babe, what's the matter?" he finally asked after my tears had lessened. I rested my head against his chest, completely exhausted. "Nothing. I'm just tired," I tried to lie.
He didn't even give me a mock glare. I guess I had scared him worse than I would have thought. "Matt, you've been crying all day and you just stood on the railing of a bridge, staring contemplatively at the churning ocean below. Don't tell me nothing's the matter."
I stayed quiet, and Tai just waited patiently, knowing I would speak when I felt ready.
At last I did, and the story poured out of me in one fast rush, my words running together and becoming incomprehensible as I started to cry again, getting all angry and hurt at the way Kawada Sensei had treated me all the day, and the way some of the kids teased me about it as well.
Tai didn't say a word all through my story, and when I shutup at last, he just held me tightly, whisphering soothing nothings and apologizing, making the occasional threat or two when his anger broke through that false calm.
I soon grew weary, and gradually the flow of tears lessened, until it just stopped altogether. I was almost completely asleep by now, and wouldn't have minded in the least if I stayed right where I was, but Tai had other ideas.
Poking me in the ribs, he helped me to my feet and then supported me the whole way back to my apartment, where I promptly collapsed on the floor the moment Tai had shut the door.
Tai didn't even have time to protest or force me to crawl off to my room, because I was asleep before I even hit the floor.
+-+-+-+
"C'mon Matt, wakey wakey!"
"..go away..."
"Aw Matty-boy! Don't do this to me! We're gonna be late for school!"
"Don't wanna go," I mumble.
"But you gotta. You promised your dad, and you promised me."
"He ain't here. He won't know."
"He will if I tell him. Now come on babe, get up."
I sigh and let out a groan to make sure Tai knew I wasn't happy about this. Sitting up, I realize I am on the couch and wonder when I got there. "Uh.. Tai?"
"Yeah?"
"Wasn't I on the floor?"
"I moved you to the couch after I accidentally kicked you."
"TAI!"
"What?" he asked defensively. "You were in the way!"
I glare at him, muttering death threats, then start to throw back the thin blanket covering me, but suddenly freeze. "Tai?" I asked, my voice filled with fear.
"Nani?"
"Where... where did you find this blanket?"
"I got it from the little closet off from the bathroom. Why?"
"Put... put it back. I don't want to see it anymore."
"Okay..." Tai says, curiously taking the blanket from me.
He doesn't ask, though, and I don't tell him that its the blanket that I often used while Ken was abusing me, the one I used when I slept on the couch all the time instead of my bed. I don't understand my irrational fear of the blanket, but I guess anything dealing with Ken is enough to make me afraid, no matter how trivial it may be.
Tai returns shortly, sans blanket.
"If you don't hurry up, we will seriously be late."
I stand, grumbling good naturedly. "I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying," I say.
"Well hurry faster! Go take a shower! Then come and eat!"
I obey, taking a ten minute shower. When I get out, I pull on a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved black turtleneck. Even though its nearing summer, I prefer long sleeve so people won't see the bandages on my wrists from where I tried killing myself a while ago. After eating and brushing my teeth, I go back in the bathroom and spend another ten minutes on hair, making sure its just right.
This causes Tai to get impatient, and he bangs on the locked door, shouting at me to hurry up.
At last I am ready, and we head towards school, running the last few feet when the bell rings in the distance.
I get through homeroom okay, but then when the bell rings for second form, I tense, not wanting to go, afraid of the teasing I'll get.
Tai senses what I'm feeling and gives me a quick, subtle kiss at my locker before cutting out to his next class.
However, when I walk into second form, I don't see Kawada Sensei. Instead there is another teacher there, a substitute.
She's a young woman, about twenty five or so, and when I walk in the room, she smiles at me. I can tell she knows who I am, her eyes are filled with compassion for me, but for once, unlike so many other people, there is no pity, and definitely no hate or disgust.
"Hello," she greets.
"Hi," I return. "Um.. where's Kawada Sensei?"
"He's on temporary leave for the rest of this year. From now on, I'll be your teacher."
"Temporary leave?" I ask, as relief floods through me.
She nods, and I break into a huge grin. "Oh thank God," I exclaim before I can stop myself.
She just smiles again, like she understands while I'm so happy. Of course, thinking about it, she probably does. Especially if she knows who I am.
I just stand there for a few minutes, letting the relief wash over me, overjoyed I wouldn't have to deal with Kawada Sensei anymore.
At last she says, "Ano... excuse me. But could you sit down, please?"
I blush slightly. "Hai, sorry."
The bell rings and the teacher stands, rapping a ruler on the desk to get everyone's attention. "Hai, hai minna san, suwari mashou!" <--- allright everyone. Let's all sit down.
The class quiets down gradually and pretty soon everyone has their eyes riveted on the new teacher.
"Alright, listen up. My name is Kurata Sensei. I'm your new teacher."
+-+-+-+
"You got a new teacher? That's great!" Tai exclaims, smiling at me.
"I know," I say, smiling back. "But I can't figure out who told the school board about the way Kawada Sensei was treating me. Unless..." I trailed off, realizing.
"Unless what?"
"Unless Tadaji Sensei told. He saw the way I was being treated, remember?" "Oh yeah." Tai frowned, thinking. "It's possible, I guess. But it's equally possible-"
He was cut off as Ishikawa Sensei came in the room. "Allright class, settle down. We have a test today on the kanji we learned last week. Then when that's done, we will practice some more on our calligraphy, since everyone's work looked like it was done by a bunch of elementary school students. Ishida, you're exempt from this test. You can take it in a few days, after you've had a chance to study the material I gave you yesterday."
"Allright. Arigatou, Sensei."
"Hey that's not fair!" one student called out.
"What's not fair?" Ishikawa Sensei asked, turning towards the student. She was a girl of about sixteen, very pretty, but very slutlike. She was wearing a miniskirt that barely came down over her hips! and a halter top that was cut very low, showing off a lot of her cleavage.
"That Ishida doesn't have to take this test. I mean, my boyfriend and I cut school one day last week to have sex, and I'm still taking the test. Ishida skipped school for months to have sex with his boyfriend and yet he's exempt!"
"Satori-san," Sensei said with much forced patience, his voice dangerously low. "Ishida-kun did not skip school to get it on with his boyfriend. Ishida-kun was being abused. There's a difference. When your boyfriend starts forcing you to do things you don't want to, and when he starts beating you up and stabbing you, come tell me and I'll let you be exempt from tests. In the meantime, shut your fucking trap and take the damn test."
Satori grew silent, and the class broke out in excited whisphers, surprised at the way Ishikawa Sensei was defending me. I mean, he wasn't a bad guy or anything, but usually he would have said something like "Ishida isn't taking this test because he was sick, you weren't so you're taking this test and I don't want to hear anymore." And no matter what he said, he wouldn't have cursed like that.
Sensei looked around the room, silencing the whisphers. "Anyone else care to make a comment, give me a reason why you shouldn't take this test?"
No answer.
"Good." Sensei started passing out the test papers, and I pulled out my notebook and tried to concentrate on some of the kanji we had learned this year. Not the kanji the class was being tested on, I didn't want them trying to cheat by looking at my notebook.
"Hmmm.... Satori's name is in here? It means enlightenment?" I muttered under my breath. "How unfitting for her."
+-+-+-+
"Mm.." I moaned as Tai began to kiss me. "I'm so glad today is Friday."
"Why's that?" Tai whisphered, nuzzling my ear.
"Because we'll have all weekend to make out before 'tousan comes back on Sunday."
Tai laughed gently, then returned to kissing me.
I kissed him back eagerly, taking the invitation offered up to me when he part his lips ever so slightly.
As our lips continued their eternal dance, Tai's hands begin to roam lower down my body, up and under my shirt. I don't even think he was aware of doing, but nonetheless, I stiffened just the littlest bit, but luckily Tai was too caught up in the moment to even be aware of it.
I forced my body to relax, and continued to kiss him with fierce abandon.
Tai suddenly squeezed one of my hardened nipples gently, and I whimpered. "Tai..."
"What in HELL?"
Oh shit~!
Tai's hands were instantly gone from under my shirt, and I sat up slowly, slightly disoriented after such a heavy makeout session.
My father was standing in the doorway, mouth hanging down to his feet practically, staring wide eyed at me and Tai.
Oh God, what was he doing here he wasn't supposed to be back until Sunday its only Friday what the hell?
"Err.." Tai tried, drawing away from me.
"Otousan, what are you doing here?" I blurted out.
He didn't reply at first, just moved his eyes from me to Tai and back to me again. His skin had gone completely white from the shock, and I'm sure he's gonna have a few gray hairs over this.
"The trip was cut short," he said finally, his voice sounding strangled. "Bad weather. I got home a few minutes ago and called out to you, but you didn't answer. Then I heard... strange noises..."
"Mr. Ishida, we--" Tai started, then stopped. There wasn't anything to say.
Otousan looked over at my boyfriend, as if seeing him for the first time. He frowned, then glared and started screaming, "You! Get out! Now! Get out, you filth! I won't let you corrupt my son anymore! You've done enough already! Get out!"
I stared in shock, but Tai turned a weird purple color. "Corrupt your son!" he said incredulously, inches away from rage. "I haven't corrupted-"
Wildly I shook my head no. "Don't Tai," I begged. "Just leave it and go home. I'll call you later, okay?"
"But Matt!" Tai protested. "He's..."
"No," I begged, latching onto Tai's hand. "Don't. Please leave it alone, okay?" He stared intensely at me for a long time (or so it felt), deep in thought. "Allright," he said at last. "Call me later." Then he got up and left.
I watched after him until he was out of sight, then turned towards Otousan.
To my surprise, he was trembling ever so slightly.
"Otousan?" I asked meekly. "'tousan?"
He fixed his gaze upon me. "Why, Matt?" he asked sadly. "You promised. You promised you wouldn't let anyone hurt you anymore. You promised..."
"Hurt--?" I gaped at him. "Otousan, he wasn't hurting-"
"he was all over you, Ya-Matt! I'm just thankful I got in here in time to stop it. I can't believe all this time he pretended to be your friend, he just wanted to get you in bed. He's exactly like Ken Ichijouji!"
I admit it, I was pissed. And stunned. How could otousan say all those things about Taichi when he didn't even know what the situation was? How could he think Tai was hurting me?
"Get me in bed? Otousan, he loves me!"
"Ken Ichijouji loved you."
Well, that was true. But still... this was different. I knew Tai loved me. And I loved him. Which made all the difference.
"I know," I said. "But this is different. Tai really does love me."
"And that's what Ken said, and he almost killed you. I'm sorry Yamato, but I can't let you see Tai again."
"Don't call me that!" I shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that! Stupid! I hate you, I hate you, I really do!" I was crying now in a sudden mix of rage and fear, backing away from him, hardly believing he wasn't going to allow me to see Tai anymore.
"I hate you, you bastard! Fuck you!"
Then I ran, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision.
I don't know why my feet took me there, but suddenly I found myself in an alleyway, surrounded by Kento and Sento and their gang.
They circled around me slowly, and I saw the sharp gleam of newly sharpened blades.
"Well, well, lookit here. It's the little blonde whore. Tell me Ishida. Who do you get it from now that you no longer have Ichijouji to force into your games?"
I swallowed a lump of fear that seemed to be caught in my throat. I didn't answer. I knew they would kill me anyways.
"Well?" Kento hissed. "Answer me Ishida or I'll slit your fuckin' throat. And this time Yagami's not here to defend your pansy ass."
"I-I don't get it from a-anyone," I whisphered, my voice barely registering an audible tone.
"Oh, I'm sure you must be screwing somebody. Come on, who is it? Whose name do you scream when you cum? Yagami? That fag brother of yours? Or maybe your dad?"
I tensed, but remained silent.
Sento moved closer to me, his knife held at a safe distance from my balls.
"You better answer my brother or I'll take away the one scrap of manhood you have left," he growled. "And then he'll have the pleasure of cutting your throat."
"I told you, I don't screw anyone," I whisphered, my voice slightly louder. I was terrified beyond all belief now. I just knew Kento would kill me.
"I bet it's Yagami," Kento taunted, oblivious to my feeble protests.
"No," I said weakly.
Sento glared down at me. "Don't lie to my brother," he warned.
"But I'm not."
"I told you not to lie, DAMMIT!"
In a flash something cold and sharp was being slid inside me, right above my ribcage. I gasped as I felt the knife tear right through my shirt to my skin, cried out as warm red blood gushed out over my stomach and poured down the front of my body, continuing to trickle onto the ground long after the cruel laughter had since disappeared and the blackness had overcome me.
End Part 4:3
Author's Notes: Wow, Yama must have this thing about getting stabbed. If you've read the first one to this, Untold Secrets, you'll remember that Ken stabbed Matt in the back after Yama disobeyed him. But this time it's much more serious. What if Sento got his heart and killed him? *gasps* (ODM) You'll just have to wait for the next chapter to find out! *grins* =^o^= If you're nice and give me a lot of reviews, I might put it up sooner. Well, ciao baby!
part five:one
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Argh!!! For the last time (not really), DIGIMON IS NOT MINE!!!! *Lowers head in hands and cries* WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER BELIEVE ME!!!!! I LOST MY CASE, DIGIMON IS NOT IN MY POSSESSION, SO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!! And yes, the song is another Ace of Base song coming from their CD The Sign. The name of the song is... The Sign. It's kinda long, I put the whole song, because it goes with much of this fic and even some of Untold Secrets very well.
Author's Notes: Whelp, I'm back yet again with yet another part. This is still Chapter 4, so it's still in Matt's pov (well duh, Ken just showed up, I couldn't do that from Tai's pov!). Anyways, I truly hadn't planned on Ken showing up at all, he was only gonna escape just to escape and put more strain on Matt, but then I was sitting in homeroom yesterday and reading some of my inserts I'd wrote for future parts to this story, and the idea hit me. Have Ken come and see Matt! I immediately tried to get the idea out of my head, I wanted Ken to remain a complete bad guy for this series, but the idea wouldn't leave. So after much banging the head on the desk (I got a few strange looks!) I accepted the idea and now here I am writing it all out. So for all of you that love Ken, here's your chance to see the good, sweet side of him! (Hey, I luv Ken too ^_~)
--->Translation:
|none, it doesn't need one!|
Waiting
Chapter 4:Part 3-Apologies and Discoveries
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|shock!
|I got a new life
|you would hardly recognize me
|I'm so glad
|how can a person like me care for you
|why do I bother
|when you're not the one for me
|is enough enough|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|life is demanding without understanding
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|no one's gonna drag you up
|to get into the light where you belong
|but where do you belong?|
|under the pale moon
|for so many years I've wondered
|who you are
|how can a person like you bring me joy
|under the pale moon
|where I see a lot of stars
|is enough enough|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|life is demanding without understanding
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|no one's gonna drag you up
|to get into the light where you belong
|but where do you belong?|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my mind
|and I am happy now living without you
|I've left you
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign
|no one's gonna drag you up
|to get into the light where you belong|
|I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
|I saw the sign|
"Matt please let me in! If you don't I swear I will break this door down! I don't want to, but you have to let me in! I swear I won't hurt you!"
How could he be saying all that? Did he really think I was that stupid? However, I did believe he would break the door down, and since I couldn't explain that one to 'tousan, I unlocked the door against my better judgment.
It took my forever to undo the lock, my hands were shaking so. It took every ounce of my willpower to stay and not run away from that door, screaming and crying out my fear. When I finally got the door unlocked, I retreated to the couch and sank down into it, clutching tightly to one of the pillows, calling out in a shaky voice that Ken could enter if he so desired.
He did so cautiously, opening the door and shutting it behind him slowly. I noticed he didn't lock it, which I took to be a good sign.
However, I was frightened beyond all depths of normalcy, my body was shaking so badly that my to my eyes, the whole room looked trembly. Tears were rolling out of my cheeks, me helpless to stop them. I didn't want to cry in front of Ken, I was afraid it would piss him off and cause him to hurt me, but there was nothing I could do to keep from crying.
Ken approached me, taking care to make sure I realized he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't, I was too terrified. He finally stopped a few feet in front of me, and I just shrunk back further into the couch.
"Please don't hurt me," I whisphered.
Ken just shook his head, and it was then I noticed the tears leaking out of his own eyes.
My eyes widened; Ken was crying? What in hell?
"If you're not hear to hurt me, then what do you want?" I asked him, trying to calm myself, so as not to hyperventilate or anything.
"I..." he tried.
We then lapsed into silence for awhile, until the jangling of the phone startled me. I jumped about five miles high, I swear, then carefully leaned over to pick up the receiver, mindful of Ken standing there.
"Moshi moshi, Ishida residence," I answered.
"Matt?"
It was 'tousan.
I let out a silent sigh of relief. "Hey Otousan," I said.
"Hey listen, I just called to tell you that someone spotted Ken in our neighborhood. He hasn't shown up, has he?"
"No, Otousan," I said quietly. "Ken's not here."
He's standing right in front of me.
Ken flinched when I said he wasn't here, but he wisely didn't say anything.
"Alright, well be mindful of him, hear?"
"Alright."
I already was.
"Well, I'll be a little later than usual, be extremely careful. Bye, Matt."
"Bye Otousan." I hung up, then looked at Ken.
"Alright, I just lied about your presence, hurry up and tell me why you're here so you can leave and I continue living in my hell," I said with much more bravery and force than I felt.
"Can.. can I sit down next to you?" it was a barely a whispher, but I heard the request nonetheless, freezing up completely. To have Ken close to me again, sitting next to me.... I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet.
"No... I can't...."
He nodded, understanding why I guess. "Allright."
"Well?"
"Um... I .. I just c-came to say..." he took a deep shuddering breath "I.. I'm sorry."
My eyes grew large and round. Suddenly I wasn't so frightened anymore. Just shocked and confused. Very, very confused.
"S-sorry?" I croaked out.
He nodded. "Yeah, sorry. F-For what I did to you. It was wrong, horribly wrong, and-and I don't know what possessed me to hurt you so much, especially since I really love you, I really do, I don't know why I did that, I'm sorry Matt, so sorry, I should have n-never... I'm so stupid!" he wailed, crying in earnest. The words were tumbling out of him in a rush, as if he'd never have enough time to say them all. "I know you can never forgive me for hurting you so deeply, and I'm not asking you to, but I swear I am so sorry, words alone can never repay the anguish I must have caused you, I'm just an insensitive bastard God Jesus Matt I am so sorry.."
By now he was unable to continue, he was crying too hard. I was crying as well, shocked by the sincerity in his words. He was right, I could never forgive, but in that moment, some of my hatred for him died.
Finally Ken calmed down enough to choke out something else.
"The darkness..."
I frowned. "What about it?"
"It.. it was so hard to control those days.. I was constantly sinking into a black hole, and trying so desperately to fight it.. When you rejected me.. I finally fell... I totally lost control.. I'm so sorry!"
The darkness... "Why? Why were you.. losing to the darkness? What happened?" Ken stayed silent for a long time, not speaking. He was still crying, but not so much as he had been before.
At last he spoke up. "Well.. for a-a long time.. I was having these dreams..." he said, then swayed dizzily for a moment. He must have been tired of standing. "About what?" I asked quietly as I silently motioned for him to sit down on the opposite end of the couch. I was still afraid of him, but not so much as before. "I... I was the Kaiser again. In the Digital World. I felt like I was always surrounded by something that continuously choked me."
I raised an eyebrow. "Why? What was causing these dreams?"
" Um... a- a while before.... my.. my mom had... she had a .. well, I got a baby b-b-brother..." once again he was becoming hard to understand, whatever happened had been emotionally upsetting for him. "Well.. one night.. we.. we hired a babysitter for Su...su.. Sub-ba.. Subaru.... because we were-were going out t-to eat and.. when we came back......babysitter..r-r-r-raped.....dead...shot t-twice..... Subaru..stabbed..dead..."
and it was here he stopped and flung himself at me, sobbing wildly. At first I completely froze, ally my the emotions and memories flaring up into turmoil within me, having Ken actually touching me again was strange and scary, to say the least. But after a few minutes I relaxed just enough to let him lean comfortably into my chest, so I didn't feel stiff as a board to him. However, no way in hell could I bring myself to put my arms around him or hold him anyway. That was just too much for me.
+-+-+-+
"I guess I don't have to tell you that you'll never see me again?" Ken asked, looking at me.
I shook my head. "No. I understand. It's better this way for the both of us." He nodded. "Yeah. I guess so." He seemed sad though. I guess I can understand why. "Well, I guess I should get going. You know, return to the juvenile detention center." He gave a little snort at that.
"Alright," I said quietly. Even though I knew he wasn't so much a monster he seemed to be, I still hated him and still couldn't forgive him for what he did to me, so knowing he would be locked back up made me feel much more secure.
Ken turned to leave, and when he was halfway down the hallway he turned back to me. "Matt?"
"Yeah?"
"I still love you!" he shouted.
I waved to let him know I heard as I rolled my eyes. That made three people that loved me. Ken, Nyusumi, and of course my Taichi.
Then Ken got on the elevator, and though I then thought it was the last time I'd ever see him, it wasn't.
+-+-+-+
A small contented sigh escaped my mouth as Taichi's lips brushed against my own in a gentle kiss. I know he expected me to press and make it real, so to speak, but I just wasn't in the mood.
Finally Tai moved back from me. "Matt, what's the matter with you? You haven't been yourself all day."
I tried to protest that I was fine and just tired, but Tai wasn't buying it. "No Matt," he said sternly, "Something's wrong and I won't leave you alone until you tell me what the hell it is that's bothering you."
I leaned back against the headboard of my bed, sighing. I didn't speak, and Tai just waited patiently, for once in his life.
Finally I began. "Ken came to visit me today."
Tai's fists clenched at that, and he immediately demanded, "He didn't hurt you did he?"
I shook my head quickly, cutting off anything else he might have been about to say. "No, he left me alone. He actually came to apologize about what he did. He told me something rather disturbing. He had a little baby brother, Subaru, and..."
"I know," Tai said, guiltily, it seemed. "Kari told me. She heard from Daisuke."
"You knew? And you didn't tell me?" I asked accusingly.
"I didn't want to upset you," he explained. "Every time someone mentioned Ken's name, you'd get so torn up inside. I was afraid of scaring you worse."
"Oh."
We grew silent at that, not speaking.
Then I leaned over and returned the butterfly kiss Tai had given me. He smiled, and then kissed me back with surprising force. I parted my lips ever so slightly, granting entrance, and his tongue slid inside my mouth, dancing with my own tongue.
As we continued to make out, Tai's hands slid down and up under my shirt, grasping a nipple. I let out a little gasp as he gave it a little pinch, and moved to get revenge, but suddenly Tai pulled back from me completely, letting out a sneeze and just totally ruining the moment.
"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly.
I just laughed.
However, his sneeze turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as just then my dad came home.
He appeared in my doorway shortly after I heard the front door slam.
"Um, Matt?"
"Yeah dad?" I asked.
"I have some bad news."
+-+-+-+
"WHAT?! You're going to South Africa? But why?" I wailed.
"I already told you, Matt," 'tousan said, slightly exasperated. "There's a story there that I have to cover. If I could, I would have told the station to send someone else. But as it is, I haven't taken a vacation in seventeen years, since the day you were born, and the other guys think I need a break. So they're sending me to South Africa."
"But what about me? You're just gonna leave me alone?"
"Trust me, I don't want to, especially not with Ken on the loose. But there's absolutely nothing I can do. The station's already threatened to fire me if I don't go. Besides," 'tousan told me with forced patience. "You're seventeen, eighteen in a few weeks. You're fully capable of staying by yourself for a few days. You'll be okay."
Well, I knew that. Even more so then he did, because unlike him, I knew Ken was no longer a threat. But for some reason, I just didn't want him to leave. I guess I was just afraid of being left alone.
"Oh come on Matt," Tai spoke up beside me. "You're dad's right. You're perfectly safe. And if you like, I can stay with you for a few nights."
I didn't miss the implications in that suggestion. Discreetly, I gave Tai a Look, then looked back at 'tousan.
"How long will you be gone again?" I sighed, not wanting to give in but knowing I had to.
"Just a week Matt," he said. "No more than that, I promise."
I let out another defeated sigh. "Allright. But only if you stay with me the whole time Tai."
"Promise," Tai said seriously.
I gave a small smile.
"Better keep that promise."
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"Are you okay?" Tai whisphered to me.
"I'm scared Tai," I confessed. "I don't know why. I mean, even though you're here with me, I still feel afraid. Afraid of being left alone. I-I guess it's because all those times Dad would leave for work, I'd be alone, and then Ken would come..."
"But Ken's already made it clear he's not gonna hurt you again," Tai pointed out.
"I know, but what's to say he's not lying? I.. Tai, how can I ever trust Ken again after what he did to me? That's asking the impossible!"
"Shh Yama.. I know," Tai soothed me. "Just don't think about Ken anymore. He's out of your life, put him out of your mind."
"I can't put him out of my mind! God Tai, you can't just ask me that so simply! That's like forgetting a whole chunk of my life. You don't realize, do you?"
"Don't realize what?"
"How much this affected me," I said softly. "I mean... Listen. The very first time Ken.. the first time he hurt me... I cried nonstop for days on end. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't go to school. I didn't even get up from my bed. When Dad asked me what was wrong, I told him to fuck off and go to hell. And before I even had time to really think about what Ken did to me, he showed up and hurt me again.
"Tai, he broke me. He broke my trust, my belief. He betrayed my friendship, stole my innocence, hurt me worse beyond anything I could ever imagine. He put my through my own personal hell, drove me to near suicide, made me despise my very existence. Every night I would cry myself to what passed for sleep, only to wake screaming with nightmares. And he had me locked up in a fear so great I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone with the information that he was hurting me. No matter how much my dad or my doctor begged, I maintained silence. "Everything he did to me is etched on my memory. I can't very well take a chisel to it and scrape it away. Things just don't work that way, no matter how much we wish them to."
"God Yama," Tai said, eyes wide. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"What was the point?" I asked him bitterly. "You just would have thought I was weird and told me to get over it anyways. I mean, people get raped all the time. Why would I be any different?"
"MATT!"
"WHAT?!"
"You can't be so hard on yourself! Yeah, you're right. People do get raped all the time. But not the way you did. They didn't get raped over and over by someone they knew. They didn't try to kill themselves. They didn't get stabbed in the back, both literally and figuratively.
"And I never would have told you to get over it. I'm not now. I'm merely suggesting you try putting him out of your mind until some of the emotional scars have healed enough for you to be able to think of him again without quite so much pain."
"I doubt that will ever happen," I stated quietly.
"Yes it will," Tai said firmly. "It just takes time."
"I hope so," I sighed, leaning my head against his chest.
He put an arm around me, drawing me closer to him.
I sighed again, feeling quite content. As I rested there, the emotional strain that had been put on me slowly began to catch up with me, and my eyes slowly started closing. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I felt Tai's warm lips press softly against the top of my head.
"I love you so much Matt, you know that?" he whisphered.
I nodded faintly, then sank into a dark warmth.
+-+-+-+
"MATT!"
Quickly latching onto Tai, I tried to steady myself as my younger brother flung himself exuberantly at me. I hadn't seen him since the night I had the panic attack, so I could understand his joy, especially since he knew I had tried to hurt myself.
"Hey Takeru," I said, ruffling his hair a little, now having regained my balance.
He squirmed under my touch. "Hey! You'll mess up my hair!"
I laughed. He sounded a lot like me. Hell, he looked a lot like me. At fourteen, he was the spitting image of me when I was his age.
"What's up kid?" I asked him.
He frowned. "I'm not a kid anymore."
I shrugged my shoulders. "You are to me."
He shrugged too, then went on to say, "Guess what? Dai and I are friends again!" I smiled. "That's great!"
"Yeah, he came over the other day. He apologized for running out on me, and that he was sorry he didn't like me in that way, but he was still willing to be friends with me! So now we're friends!"
"Well, I'm glad for you, Takeru."
Just then we heard the bell in the distance.
"Come on Matt, we're gonna be late," Tai urged. He started dragging me down the sidewalk.
"Hey!" I protested, laughing. "Bai, Takeru! See you later!"
He waved. "Alright! See you!" He turned and begin to head toward the portables where his homeroom was held.
As for me, I got dragged all the way to homeroom by Tai. He didn't let go of me until he had forced me into my seat. Of course, we got quite a few stares (more so because of what certain people thought of me), but we didn't care. For once we were in too good of spirits.
Yamada Sensei raised his eyes.
(A/N: Yamada is this joke between our Japanese class. When our teacher taught us Japanese, she had us always read about a boy named Yamada Toshio. That's always the name we use. ^_^ I don't expect you to get it.)
"Yagami-san, please sit down."
"H-hai!" Tai said, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "Sorry!"
The class tittered. Well, most of them did. A few threw disgusted glances my way. I ignored them, though inside they still stung.
Tai headed to his seat, and Yamada Sensei called the roll. Then we listened to the announcements. It was all boring. After forever, the bell rang. I jumped up and made a beeline for the door. Tai seemed startled at my hasty approach, but he didn't know that I was trying to avoid running into Nyusumi, who had second form in this classroom. I tried to avoid Ny as much as possible, as I was still embarrassed about that kiss. The only times I had seen him were when he showed up while I was stoned! and at the concert, both of which I said very little.
"Matt, slow down!" Tai called.
I ignored him and continued on to my locker. When I reached it, I quickly put in the combination. In my haste, I went past the second number and had to start all over. "Shimatta," I muttered. God I hate this locker. I always get stuck with the worst ones!
Tai finally caught up to me. "Matt, what's wrong? Why'd you leave so fast?"
"I didn't wanna see Ny," I mumbled, intent on cursing my locker until it gave way.
It wasn't until my locker sprung open and Tai asked me why I would avoid Ny that I realized what I said.
"Didn't wanna see Ny? Why not? Why would you wanna avoid him?"
"Crap!" I exclaimed as I stumbled backwards, startled after my locker suddenly swung open. "Avoid Ny? Uh... Did I say that? Well, that wasn't what I meant at all! No! I meant... um..."
I stuttered pointlessly, trying to come up with an excuse while getting my books for my next class.
Just as I shut my locker, the bell rang, giving me an excuse to leave Tai behind.
But he wouldn't let me. Anticipating what I was about to do, he latched onto my arm and held me, not letting me go anywhere. Once again he started dragging me, this time to our usual spot in the old gym.
"Ah! Tai, let me go!" I cried, struggling in vain.
"No," he said.
Still holding me, he pulled open the doors with one hand and dragged me all the way behind the bleachers and forced me sit, where he still held on to me.
"Now," he said once we were settled. "Ever since Nyusumi visited you in the hospital, something seems to be on your mind Matt. I've noticed it but I didn't say anything, not wanting you to get annoyed the way you do when people are always asking you if you're fine. However, you've been avoiding Nyusumi as much as possible. You didn't even stay to hang around with the band after the concert was over. So will you please tell me what the hell is going on between you two?"
"Uh...." I said nervously.
"Matt?"
I sighed. I really didn't want to tell him, but as it was, I didn't have an excuse and I really didn't want to lie to my boyfriend anyway.
"Well... you know Ny likes me, right?"
He nodded.
"Yeah. Well.... when he came to visit me in the hospital.... he... he kissed me." I said, watching Tai's face closely, afraid of what his reaction would be.
His face remained blank, and he didn't speak.
"Tai?"
"He.. he kissed you?"
"Yeah.." I said uncertainly.
"And now you're embarrassed to be around him, is that it?"
"Yeah..." What the hell was wrong with him? Why wasn't he freaking out?
Then to my surprise, Tai started laughing.
I mock glared at him. "What's so damned funny?"
"Sorry," Tai said between fits of laughter. "It's just... I never thought... Nyusumi would have the guts.. to.. kiss you! And now here you are... totally embarrassed by it!"
"Of course I am! And I was scared too," I added. "Scared of how you would react if you found out."
"How did you think I would react?"
"Well, I certainly didn't figure you'd laugh! I kinda figured you'd be pissed."
"No... I can understand why Ny would have done something like that. Just as long as you don't kiss him! And if you're cheating on me with him.."
"I'm not! I'm not!" I yelped.
Tai laughed.
"Come on, let's go to class."
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"Ah, Ishida-san. It's about time you showed up. We're only a year late, are we?" I tried to suppress a sigh as the teacher continued to relentlessly pester me. Since I left school because Ken abused me, this was the first time I had showed up. Even that one day I had showed up at school about a month ago, I didn't show up in this class.
"What took you so long to feel like you were ready to learn again? I'd say you missed this class, except you never paid attention so that can't be right."
"You must have seen the news," I mumbled.
"Ah yes, the news. I guess you were too busy with your relationship with Ichijouji to bother with school then, is that it?"
"No," I muttered. What was this guy's problem? Obviously he was one of the people that thought I gave myself to Ken then lied about it out of shame and guilt.
"No? Then what was it?"
I blushed. "Nothing, Kawada Sensei."
"Nothing? Something must have taken place between you and Ken. If you two weren't screwing each other, then what was it?"
I clenched my fists, trying to repress the urge to beat the shit out of this guy right then and there. I didn't understand why he hated me so much. I mean, what did I ever do to him? He has absolutely no reason whatsoever to pick on me like this.
"We weren't screwing each other," I said tightly. "He was raping me."
Kawada Sensei raised his eyebrows.
"Raping you? At age fifteen? (A/N cut in to say: Someone pointed out when they reviewed Untold Secrets that Ken would only be fourteen and if I added two years to his age, it would have made him sixteen. Well, when I wrote Untold Secrets, I thought 02 were four years younger so 02 01 characters (did you follow that) would have been fifteen and 02 would be eleven, so with Matt seventeen, I thought Ken would be thirteen, which is why I added two years making him fifteen, not realizing he would be sixteen. So I'm just keeping with fifteen, not sixteen.)"
"Yes." I told him, glaring.
"So let me get this straight. He was fifteen, you are seventeen, almost eighteen I presume, and yet he raped you and you couldn't fight back?"
"He was stronger than me!"
"He was stronger than you! He was stronger than you! He was stronger than you! Class," he turned towards them, "how many of you know fifteen years olds stronger than you?"
The class, who had remained completely silent during my exchange with Sensei, did not respond.
"See what I mean?" Sensei asked, facing me again. "Now take your seat Ishida, and I better see you here everyday until school lets out in a few months."
"Hai, Sensei," I said calmly, though inside I was seething, not to mention completely mortified. God he was a bastard! What in hell was his problem? I didn't deserve that kind of shit. And even if he didn't believe Ken abused me, that didn't give him the right to sit there and hassle me about it! Bastard bastard bastard! I hate him!
I felt something wet drop onto my hand, and with some shock I realized I was crying. Silently, so no one else noticed, but I was crying nonetheless.
Then Sensei turned my way, and for a minute I thought he saw my tears, but when he didn't say anything I just assumed he hadn't saw me.
At least I had something to be thankful for in this hellish life.
+-+-+-+
"Do those worksheets I gave you at the beginning of class for tonight's homework!" Tadaji Sensei shouted as the final bell rung and the students began racing out of class.
I remained seated until the room was empty except for me, Tai, and Tadaji Sensei.
Tai came over to me. "Yama, aren't you going home?"
I shook my head. "Please don't call me that right now," I requested. "And no, I'm not going home."
"Why not?"
Because I'm too emotionally drained to get up right now. And my pride's been hurt.
All day long, Kawada Sensei had been making excuses to wander the halls between classes, and everytime he'd see me he'd make some remark about mine and Ken's relationship. At lunch, he called me to his classroom on the pretense of giving me makeup homework while he really just continued to ask me shit about Ken and me. By now, my nerves were shot and I was too exhausted to get up, much less leave the classroom and chance seeing Kawada Sensei in the halls.
"Matt?"
"Please go home Tai," I said. "I don't feel like leaving right now, and I need to get a list of back assignments anyway. I'll call you later, okay?"
"I'm staying at your house while your dad's in South America, remember?"
Oh yeah. Damn. Now I have no place to cry.
"That's right. Well then I'll see you in a little bit. But just go now please. I'll make it up to you later."
Tai grinned. "You better. Don't disappoint me, Matt."
Then he was gone and out the classroom.
I turned to Tadaji Sensei. "Sensei, do you have a list of any back assignments I missed these past months?"
Sensei looked up from his desk where he had been grading papers. "Back assignments? Well, I kept up with the first few months, but after about three months I assumed you were gone for good and quit."
He picked up a piece of paper and came over to my desk. "Here's the list I have so far." He went back to his desk and pulled out a notebook, and after going through it, pulled a bunch of various pages out, then came back over to me. "Here are the worksheets and tests we did. I'll let you just do these as take home tests, since there's only a few months left of school. You wouldn't have time to make them all up. And since you're a third year student, it'd make it easier for you to graduate."
I nodded as he spoke. "Thank you," I said when he finished. "Do you mind if I stay in here and work for awhile? I really don't want to go home right now, like I told Tai earlier."
He smiled at me; at least one teacher was on my side. "No, I don't mind. And Tai-?"
"Yeah?"
"Isn't he a third year student too?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Me, him, and Nyusumi-who's in your fourth- all failed biology a few years ago. We had a different teacher though."
"I see," he said. "Allright, well I'll try to get some more back assignments together while you work on those there."
"'k."
The room grew silent, save for the occasional flipping of pages and a few pencil scratching noises coming from me.
But after awhile, Kawada Sensei popped his head in the door. At first I thought he had stalked me here, but then it was obvious he didn't know I was here.
"Akemi, have you seen Toshio?" he asked. "I've been looking for him all afternoon, but I haven't found him."
"Toshio? No, I know he showed up for his homeroom, but I haven't seen him since then."
"Allright."
Kawada Sensei was about to leave, and I silently thanked the gods he hadn't seen me when my luck ran out.
His eyes swept around the room, landing upon me sitting in my desk, staring hatefully at him.
Our eyes locked, and he smirked.
"Well, Ishida. What a surprise to see you here. Didn't feel like running home to your precious Ken for a quick screw? How shocking."
I glared at him, but he just smirked again and left.
"Bastard," I said after he had gone, but my voice had gone all shaky, and once again I noticed I was crying and trembling with hurt and rage.
Tadaji Sensei glanced at me, and though he didn't say anything, I could see the pity in his eyes.
Hurting something awful inside, I just put my head down on my desk and cried, not caring what Tadaji Sensei thought of me.
+-+-+-+
"Matt? Matt, it's five o clock."
I raised my head, still crying. My face was a mess, but I didn't care.
"Do I have to leave?" I asked, wiping my eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears.
"Yeah, I'm afraid so. It's five o clock, I'm leaving, and since I'm the last teacher, the school has to be shut down for the night."
I sighed and nodded, then leaned over and began gathering up my stuff reluctantly.
"See you tomorrow," I said, waving to Tadaji Sensei as I left.
"Goodbye!" he called after me.
I walked home slowly, not really wanting to go home and have Tai see me crying. I was still upset over Kawada Sensei. Not to mention a lot of the students in my second form teased me about it as well. One guy actually had the nerve to ask if I'd sleep with him, but before I could even say anything, he pretended to change his mind, saying he forgot I'd claim rape and get him thrown in jail. For some reason, that hurt worse than anything.
Just as I reached my apartment, I spotted Tai coming out of it. Deciding I couldn't handle any of this right now, I turned and fled.
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"Matt?"
I didn't respond, just continued staring out at the dark waters below.
"Matt, you're not thinking of jumping off that, are you?" Tai asked me, his voice small and scared.
Once again, I didn't say anything, although a sob tore its way out of my throat. "Matt, please come down," Tai pleaded. "You're scaring me. And everyone else here too."
For a long while I remained silent, but at last I told Tai, "No, I won't jump. I just... need to be left alone to think."
"Yeah right. Matt, please come down."
"No," I said stubbornly.
"Matt!"
I tensed at that voice.
"Ta-takeru?" I asked, turning around carefully.
My 'toutou was standing there, tears streaking his face, looking in that moment a lot like me.
"Matt, please come down," he begged. "It doesn't matter whether you want to jump or not. You could still fall. Please just get off."
"Yes Matt, come down!" Mimi's shrill voice added.
"I..." I stuttered. "I don't want to..."
"Matt, come down!" hundreds of voices suddenly chorused. They were the voices of all the people standing there with Tai and Takeru and Mimi and who knows how many other Chosen. They didn't even know me, and yet they were right there with my friends, asking me to come down.
Sighing, reluctant to leave, I held myself steady and begin to lower myself down, until I was able to clamber off the bridge.
When I reached the bottom, Tai was right there waiting for me. He pulled me into a tight hug and a passionate kiss as everyone around me cheered.
"Don't you ever do that again, Yama!" he admonished. "You really scared me. I was afraid I was gonna lose you."
"I told you I wouldn't jump, Tai. I wasn't lying."
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A few minutes later, Tai had brought me to a quiet spot in the park, set back in a little cluster of trees away from everybody else. There, he calmed me down and soothed me until, for the first time that morning in second form, I stopped crying completely.
"Matt babe, what's the matter?" he finally asked after my tears had lessened. I rested my head against his chest, completely exhausted. "Nothing. I'm just tired," I tried to lie.
He didn't even give me a mock glare. I guess I had scared him worse than I would have thought. "Matt, you've been crying all day and you just stood on the railing of a bridge, staring contemplatively at the churning ocean below. Don't tell me nothing's the matter."
I stayed quiet, and Tai just waited patiently, knowing I would speak when I felt ready.
At last I did, and the story poured out of me in one fast rush, my words running together and becoming incomprehensible as I started to cry again, getting all angry and hurt at the way Kawada Sensei had treated me all the day, and the way some of the kids teased me about it as well.
Tai didn't say a word all through my story, and when I shutup at last, he just held me tightly, whisphering soothing nothings and apologizing, making the occasional threat or two when his anger broke through that false calm.
I soon grew weary, and gradually the flow of tears lessened, until it just stopped altogether. I was almost completely asleep by now, and wouldn't have minded in the least if I stayed right where I was, but Tai had other ideas.
Poking me in the ribs, he helped me to my feet and then supported me the whole way back to my apartment, where I promptly collapsed on the floor the moment Tai had shut the door.
Tai didn't even have time to protest or force me to crawl off to my room, because I was asleep before I even hit the floor.
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"C'mon Matt, wakey wakey!"
"..go away..."
"Aw Matty-boy! Don't do this to me! We're gonna be late for school!"
"Don't wanna go," I mumble.
"But you gotta. You promised your dad, and you promised me."
"He ain't here. He won't know."
"He will if I tell him. Now come on babe, get up."
I sigh and let out a groan to make sure Tai knew I wasn't happy about this. Sitting up, I realize I am on the couch and wonder when I got there. "Uh.. Tai?"
"Yeah?"
"Wasn't I on the floor?"
"I moved you to the couch after I accidentally kicked you."
"TAI!"
"What?" he asked defensively. "You were in the way!"
I glare at him, muttering death threats, then start to throw back the thin blanket covering me, but suddenly freeze. "Tai?" I asked, my voice filled with fear.
"Nani?"
"Where... where did you find this blanket?"
"I got it from the little closet off from the bathroom. Why?"
"Put... put it back. I don't want to see it anymore."
"Okay..." Tai says, curiously taking the blanket from me.
He doesn't ask, though, and I don't tell him that its the blanket that I often used while Ken was abusing me, the one I used when I slept on the couch all the time instead of my bed. I don't understand my irrational fear of the blanket, but I guess anything dealing with Ken is enough to make me afraid, no matter how trivial it may be.
Tai returns shortly, sans blanket.
"If you don't hurry up, we will seriously be late."
I stand, grumbling good naturedly. "I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying," I say.
"Well hurry faster! Go take a shower! Then come and eat!"
I obey, taking a ten minute shower. When I get out, I pull on a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved black turtleneck. Even though its nearing summer, I prefer long sleeve so people won't see the bandages on my wrists from where I tried killing myself a while ago. After eating and brushing my teeth, I go back in the bathroom and spend another ten minutes on hair, making sure its just right.
This causes Tai to get impatient, and he bangs on the locked door, shouting at me to hurry up.
At last I am ready, and we head towards school, running the last few feet when the bell rings in the distance.
I get through homeroom okay, but then when the bell rings for second form, I tense, not wanting to go, afraid of the teasing I'll get.
Tai senses what I'm feeling and gives me a quick, subtle kiss at my locker before cutting out to his next class.
However, when I walk into second form, I don't see Kawada Sensei. Instead there is another teacher there, a substitute.
She's a young woman, about twenty five or so, and when I walk in the room, she smiles at me. I can tell she knows who I am, her eyes are filled with compassion for me, but for once, unlike so many other people, there is no pity, and definitely no hate or disgust.
"Hello," she greets.
"Hi," I return. "Um.. where's Kawada Sensei?"
"He's on temporary leave for the rest of this year. From now on, I'll be your teacher."
"Temporary leave?" I ask, as relief floods through me.
She nods, and I break into a huge grin. "Oh thank God," I exclaim before I can stop myself.
She just smiles again, like she understands while I'm so happy. Of course, thinking about it, she probably does. Especially if she knows who I am.
I just stand there for a few minutes, letting the relief wash over me, overjoyed I wouldn't have to deal with Kawada Sensei anymore.
At last she says, "Ano... excuse me. But could you sit down, please?"
I blush slightly. "Hai, sorry."
The bell rings and the teacher stands, rapping a ruler on the desk to get everyone's attention. "Hai, hai minna san, suwari mashou!" <--- allright everyone. Let's all sit down.
The class quiets down gradually and pretty soon everyone has their eyes riveted on the new teacher.
"Alright, listen up. My name is Kurata Sensei. I'm your new teacher."
+-+-+-+
"You got a new teacher? That's great!" Tai exclaims, smiling at me.
"I know," I say, smiling back. "But I can't figure out who told the school board about the way Kawada Sensei was treating me. Unless..." I trailed off, realizing.
"Unless what?"
"Unless Tadaji Sensei told. He saw the way I was being treated, remember?" "Oh yeah." Tai frowned, thinking. "It's possible, I guess. But it's equally possible-"
He was cut off as Ishikawa Sensei came in the room. "Allright class, settle down. We have a test today on the kanji we learned last week. Then when that's done, we will practice some more on our calligraphy, since everyone's work looked like it was done by a bunch of elementary school students. Ishida, you're exempt from this test. You can take it in a few days, after you've had a chance to study the material I gave you yesterday."
"Allright. Arigatou, Sensei."
"Hey that's not fair!" one student called out.
"What's not fair?" Ishikawa Sensei asked, turning towards the student. She was a girl of about sixteen, very pretty, but very slutlike. She was wearing a miniskirt that barely came down over her hips! and a halter top that was cut very low, showing off a lot of her cleavage.
"That Ishida doesn't have to take this test. I mean, my boyfriend and I cut school one day last week to have sex, and I'm still taking the test. Ishida skipped school for months to have sex with his boyfriend and yet he's exempt!"
"Satori-san," Sensei said with much forced patience, his voice dangerously low. "Ishida-kun did not skip school to get it on with his boyfriend. Ishida-kun was being abused. There's a difference. When your boyfriend starts forcing you to do things you don't want to, and when he starts beating you up and stabbing you, come tell me and I'll let you be exempt from tests. In the meantime, shut your fucking trap and take the damn test."
Satori grew silent, and the class broke out in excited whisphers, surprised at the way Ishikawa Sensei was defending me. I mean, he wasn't a bad guy or anything, but usually he would have said something like "Ishida isn't taking this test because he was sick, you weren't so you're taking this test and I don't want to hear anymore." And no matter what he said, he wouldn't have cursed like that.
Sensei looked around the room, silencing the whisphers. "Anyone else care to make a comment, give me a reason why you shouldn't take this test?"
No answer.
"Good." Sensei started passing out the test papers, and I pulled out my notebook and tried to concentrate on some of the kanji we had learned this year. Not the kanji the class was being tested on, I didn't want them trying to cheat by looking at my notebook.
"Hmmm.... Satori's name is in here? It means enlightenment?" I muttered under my breath. "How unfitting for her."
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"Mm.." I moaned as Tai began to kiss me. "I'm so glad today is Friday."
"Why's that?" Tai whisphered, nuzzling my ear.
"Because we'll have all weekend to make out before 'tousan comes back on Sunday."
Tai laughed gently, then returned to kissing me.
I kissed him back eagerly, taking the invitation offered up to me when he part his lips ever so slightly.
As our lips continued their eternal dance, Tai's hands begin to roam lower down my body, up and under my shirt. I don't even think he was aware of doing, but nonetheless, I stiffened just the littlest bit, but luckily Tai was too caught up in the moment to even be aware of it.
I forced my body to relax, and continued to kiss him with fierce abandon.
Tai suddenly squeezed one of my hardened nipples gently, and I whimpered. "Tai..."
"What in HELL?"
Oh shit~!
Tai's hands were instantly gone from under my shirt, and I sat up slowly, slightly disoriented after such a heavy makeout session.
My father was standing in the doorway, mouth hanging down to his feet practically, staring wide eyed at me and Tai.
Oh God, what was he doing here he wasn't supposed to be back until Sunday its only Friday what the hell?
"Err.." Tai tried, drawing away from me.
"Otousan, what are you doing here?" I blurted out.
He didn't reply at first, just moved his eyes from me to Tai and back to me again. His skin had gone completely white from the shock, and I'm sure he's gonna have a few gray hairs over this.
"The trip was cut short," he said finally, his voice sounding strangled. "Bad weather. I got home a few minutes ago and called out to you, but you didn't answer. Then I heard... strange noises..."
"Mr. Ishida, we--" Tai started, then stopped. There wasn't anything to say.
Otousan looked over at my boyfriend, as if seeing him for the first time. He frowned, then glared and started screaming, "You! Get out! Now! Get out, you filth! I won't let you corrupt my son anymore! You've done enough already! Get out!"
I stared in shock, but Tai turned a weird purple color. "Corrupt your son!" he said incredulously, inches away from rage. "I haven't corrupted-"
Wildly I shook my head no. "Don't Tai," I begged. "Just leave it and go home. I'll call you later, okay?"
"But Matt!" Tai protested. "He's..."
"No," I begged, latching onto Tai's hand. "Don't. Please leave it alone, okay?" He stared intensely at me for a long time (or so it felt), deep in thought. "Allright," he said at last. "Call me later." Then he got up and left.
I watched after him until he was out of sight, then turned towards Otousan.
To my surprise, he was trembling ever so slightly.
"Otousan?" I asked meekly. "'tousan?"
He fixed his gaze upon me. "Why, Matt?" he asked sadly. "You promised. You promised you wouldn't let anyone hurt you anymore. You promised..."
"Hurt--?" I gaped at him. "Otousan, he wasn't hurting-"
"he was all over you, Ya-Matt! I'm just thankful I got in here in time to stop it. I can't believe all this time he pretended to be your friend, he just wanted to get you in bed. He's exactly like Ken Ichijouji!"
I admit it, I was pissed. And stunned. How could otousan say all those things about Taichi when he didn't even know what the situation was? How could he think Tai was hurting me?
"Get me in bed? Otousan, he loves me!"
"Ken Ichijouji loved you."
Well, that was true. But still... this was different. I knew Tai loved me. And I loved him. Which made all the difference.
"I know," I said. "But this is different. Tai really does love me."
"And that's what Ken said, and he almost killed you. I'm sorry Yamato, but I can't let you see Tai again."
"Don't call me that!" I shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that! Stupid! I hate you, I hate you, I really do!" I was crying now in a sudden mix of rage and fear, backing away from him, hardly believing he wasn't going to allow me to see Tai anymore.
"I hate you, you bastard! Fuck you!"
Then I ran, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision.
I don't know why my feet took me there, but suddenly I found myself in an alleyway, surrounded by Kento and Sento and their gang.
They circled around me slowly, and I saw the sharp gleam of newly sharpened blades.
"Well, well, lookit here. It's the little blonde whore. Tell me Ishida. Who do you get it from now that you no longer have Ichijouji to force into your games?"
I swallowed a lump of fear that seemed to be caught in my throat. I didn't answer. I knew they would kill me anyways.
"Well?" Kento hissed. "Answer me Ishida or I'll slit your fuckin' throat. And this time Yagami's not here to defend your pansy ass."
"I-I don't get it from a-anyone," I whisphered, my voice barely registering an audible tone.
"Oh, I'm sure you must be screwing somebody. Come on, who is it? Whose name do you scream when you cum? Yagami? That fag brother of yours? Or maybe your dad?"
I tensed, but remained silent.
Sento moved closer to me, his knife held at a safe distance from my balls.
"You better answer my brother or I'll take away the one scrap of manhood you have left," he growled. "And then he'll have the pleasure of cutting your throat."
"I told you, I don't screw anyone," I whisphered, my voice slightly louder. I was terrified beyond all belief now. I just knew Kento would kill me.
"I bet it's Yagami," Kento taunted, oblivious to my feeble protests.
"No," I said weakly.
Sento glared down at me. "Don't lie to my brother," he warned.
"But I'm not."
"I told you not to lie, DAMMIT!"
In a flash something cold and sharp was being slid inside me, right above my ribcage. I gasped as I felt the knife tear right through my shirt to my skin, cried out as warm red blood gushed out over my stomach and poured down the front of my body, continuing to trickle onto the ground long after the cruel laughter had since disappeared and the blackness had overcome me.
End Part 4:3
Author's Notes: Wow, Yama must have this thing about getting stabbed. If you've read the first one to this, Untold Secrets, you'll remember that Ken stabbed Matt in the back after Yama disobeyed him. But this time it's much more serious. What if Sento got his heart and killed him? *gasps* (ODM) You'll just have to wait for the next chapter to find out! *grins* =^o^= If you're nice and give me a lot of reviews, I might put it up sooner. Well, ciao baby!
part five:one