Waiting (rewrite), Book 2, Chapter 17
After living through hell for months, Yamato is finally free from Ken and ready to move on with his life. But are things ever really that simple? Sequel to Untold Secrets. References to rape/sexual abuse and suicide. Some violence/swearing.
[Digimon] M, drama/hurt/comfort, 3768 (122627) words, published 08-10-16
UPDATE This chapter is the final version
previous chapter
Waiting
by: butterflie
chapter seventeen, revelations
Book Two
I'm always wondering
if it's ever gonna end
I can feel it in my bones
I can feel it in my bones
standing in the dust
of what's left of us
I try to understand
how we're here again
in the middle of the storm
in the middle of the storm
there's nowhere to go, nowhere to go
but straight through the smoke, straight through the smoke
and the fight is all we know
the fight is all we know
- Zayde Wølf ft. Ruelle, walk through the fire.
Once the first ambulance arrived, everything afterwards happened in a confusing whirlwind of motion. Yamato was loaded into the ambulance as fast as possible. More EMTs worked frantically on Kenji, until finally one took his pulse, and shook his head. I watched him numbly. Even more EMTs swarmed around Kento and Sento, who were both still unconscious. Tetsuya and Ayashi were nowhere to be seen. They had probably taken off at the sound of sirens. An EMT approached me too, and led me over to the back of another ambulance. I just let him look me over, doing what he told me. I was still crying, my tears sliding down my cheeks silently.
The police arrived then, and things got even more crazy as they crowded into the alleyway. I saw someone putting Ken into the back of a cruiser. He didn’t seem like he protested any, though I had a sudden urge to protest myself. I didn’t understand why. He’d done so much to hurt Yamato, but, in the end, he’d come back to help.
One of the cops came over to talk to the EMT assessing me. They conferred privately, and then the cop came over to me, crouching down to be eye-level with me.
“What’s your name, son?” he asked kindly.
I swallowed, trying to find my voice. “Yagami Taichi.”
“Taichi, do you feel like telling me a little bit about what happened here this afternoon?”
“We were attacked,” I said softly. “Yamato and me. They separated us. They hurt him really badly...” I bit down on my lower lip, remembering the agony and terror I’d felt when I’d been sure they were going to kill him. “They’ve already taken him to the hospital.”
He nodded. “They’ll take good care of him. What about your other friend?” he asked, his voice very gentle sounding.
I let out a shaky breath. It was impossible to wrap my mind around the fact that Kenji was gone. He'd been here, alive and talking not even fifteen minutes ago, I'd laughed and joked with him in third period just this morning... More tears dripped down my face. “I don’t really know. He just showed up... He tried to help us, but Sento stabbed him... I tried to save him...” I looked down at my hands, which were still covered in his blood from where I’d tried to stop his bleeding.
“Okay Taichi, that’s good for now. Don’t blame yourself for your friend, it isn’t your fault. Do you have a number we can reach your parents at?”
I stared at him blankly. Of course I had a number, but somehow my mind was failing to come up with it. “I... I don’t know.”
He nodded like he had expected that, then motioned to the EMT, who came over. “Well, this man here is going to take you to the hospital to be checked over. I’m sure they can get ahold of your parents for you.”
“Okay.”
He left, and I sat there staring off into nothing while the EMTs did their thing. Eventually they came and loaded me into the ambulance properly, even though I really wasn’t badly injured. Once at the hospital they whisked me away into a room, where I sat around some more. After awhile my parents and sister showed up, along with doctors and nurses.
I looked at them, still feeling numb. Still not able to completely process what had happened earlier. My dad’s face was solemn and worried, and my mom’s was flushed, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. Hikari was pale, and she looked uncertain, as if my parents hadn’t quite told her what was going on. Not that they probably knew much more than what I’d told the cop.
I cooperated with the nurses and doctors, mindlessly doing whatever they told me. They talked over me, to my parents, and to each other. The word “trauma” was tossed around a lot. At some point, exhausted from the events of the day and completely emotionally worn out, I fell asleep.
* * *
When I fully awoke next, I was back at home in my bed and had no sense of how much time had passed. Surprised, I looked around and tried to remember leaving the hospital. I did have a vague memory of a car ride, so I could only surmise that my parents had managed to wake me just enough for me to walk to the car and then into the apartment.
The room was still dark, and I could hear Hikari’s quiet breathing in the bunk above me-which confused me, we hadn't shared a room in years-so it had to be night time or early morning still. I considered going back to sleep, but I didn’t really feel tired at the moment.
I got out of bed, careful of the painful ache on my side courtesy of Tetsuya's foot. I remembered thinking at the time that it would probably bruise, and had no doubt it now was. My whole face also ached pretty bad, and I dimly remembered falling on it at some point. At the time, I'd been so focused on Yamato I'd hardly noticed it, but now it really hurt.
I left my room and headed down the hall, hearing dim voices coming from the living room. I figured that's where my parents were, and I was right.
"Mom? Dad?" I asked softly, coming into the room. They looked up when they heard me, and Mom jumped up, coming over to me and putting her hand on my forehead. It was a purely reflex reaction that normally would have annoyed me, but for once I didn't mind. It was much better to have her hovering over me again than to still be avoiding me and acting uncomfortable because of how I’d put Sento in the hospital.
"What time is it?" I asked, too distracted to bother focusing my eyes on a clock.
"It's a little after one," Dad answered me quietly. "In the morning," he added unnecessarily.
"Oh..."
Mom finally removed her hand from me, satisfied that I didn’t have a fever, and I went over to the couch, sitting down at the end opposite Dad. Mom continued to hover around me. "Are you hungry?" she asked. "Thirsty? Shall I get something?"
I shook my head. For once, food was the last thing on my mind. "No... it's okay. I'm fine. Why is Hikari in my room?”
"She didn't want to leave your side, honey. She was worried for you," Mom answered. I nodded at that, and we sat quietly. I wanted to try and process all that had gone down, but I was in too much shock still.
“The police would like to take your official statement some time tomorrow,” Dad said eventually. “We just have to go down there when you’re ready.”
I sighed, feeling sorrow overtake me as I thought back again on everything that had happened. Kenji really was... dead... I wouldn’t ever see at him school again, in classes, or at practise with Yamato, or on stage banging away at those drums of his... I wasn’t nearly as close to him as Yamato was, but it still really hurt.
“Do you think you could tell us what happened?” Dad asked. “Or would you rather just wait until you talk to the police?”
I closed my eyes, forcing back tears. I didn’t want to think about Kenji being gone right now. “I’ll... I’ll tell you,” I said. “And I swear, we didn’t attack them first.” For some reason it seemed important for me to establish that. “They ambushed us. They wanted revenge for what I did to Sento...”
I went on to explain my parents most of what had happened, leaving out a few things, like Tetsuya kissing me, and me crying as I’d watched what I thought was Yamato being killed. I didn’t go into every little detail of the fight either, knowing I’d have to do that for the police. I just hit the highlights, and struggled desperately not to cry when it came time to tell them about Kenji. I glossed over it as much as possible. When at last I’d told them as much as I felt capable of, I felt drained. I sank back into the couch cushions, wishing the whole day had never happened.
“Do you know anything about Yamato?” I asked them.
“No,” my mom said gently. “The police didn’t tell us too much, just that there’d been a fight and you were hurt and going to the hospital. We didn’t know about Yamato, or your other friend.”
“I imagine Yamato’s probably still in the hospital, if the stab wound was that serious,” Dad spoke up. “I’m sure they would have notified his family.”
I nodded, still hearing Yamato's screams echoing in my mind. It wasn't something I'd forget anytime soon. I had no doubt that it was serious. "I want to see him tomorrow," I stated firmly.
My parents just nodded, knowing better than to try and change my mind.
* * *
Despite my intentions, I wasn’t allowed to see Yamato the next day. Instead I spent several hours at the police station, giving my official statement. I managed to talk to Mr. Ishida on the phone, but he told me that Yamato hadn’t regained consciousness and only family was allowed to visit for the moment. He told me he would call when Yamato was awake and could have other visitors. I heard nothing from him all day Sunday. I had to resist the urge to call him and ask for an update, knowing it wasn't the time to pester him.
It wasn’t until Monday morning that he called, saying Yamato was finally awake and that he was being allowed visitors for small periods in the afternoon. I was excused from school, so I spent most of the morning tense and anxious, wishing I could go see Yamato and reassure myself that he was okay, even though I knew there was no way he could be okay. I wasn't okay. I'd already heard my parents whispering to each other about counseling, not that I could blame them. I could probably stand to talk to someone.
An hour before I was to go, when I was in the bedroom changing my clothes for the third time, Hikari knocked on the door and stuck her head in, her soft words making me abandon my outfit.
“I think you should wait.”
"Huh?" was my intelligent response.
"Yamato just woke up, right?"
I nodded, a bit dumbly, having no idea where she was going with this.
"Well, he probably has no clue what's going on. You said he more or less passed out after getting stabbed. He doesn't know what happened to your friend. He doesn't know that Ken showed up, and that Ken helped you. If he asks you, are you prepared to talk about it, assuming his dad will even allow you to? Or are you willing to lie if his dad wants you to keep silent for now?"
I hesitated. I hadn't thought about that, and the truth was, I wasn’t prepared to talk about it. Wasn’t prepared to tell him that his tormentor suddenly turned back into his ally, and why, or that I'd failed to keep his close friend and band’s drummer from dying. Especially not when I still didn't have all the answers about the whole thing myself.
But I also knew that if I lied to him, he'd never forgive me.
I wavered, uncertain. "I..." What did I do? I wanted to see him, but Hikari was right. I wasn't ready to face him. If I was going to face him, then I wanted to be prepared. And that meant having all the answers...
I sighed. “I’ll call Mr. Ishida.”
* * *
In the end, I decided to visit Ny instead. I wanted to apologise in person about not being able to save Kenji. I didn’t even know why I felt like I owed him an apology, I knew in a way it wasn’t my fault, but I couldn’t help but wish that I’d been able to do more. I wanted to do the same for Ratsuii after I talked to Ny.
Ny’s sister let me in when I knocked at the door. This time her hair was completely black, as was her clothes. Perhaps it was her way of mourning? She had to have known Kenji too, though I’d never given it much thought the last time I’d met her. “Hi Emi. Is Ny here?” I asked her.
She nodded. “He and Ratsuii are in his room,” she said quietly.
I thanked her, removing my shoes before heading to where I remembered Ny’s bedroom to be. I hadn’t expected Ratsuii to be here, but at least now I didn’t have to talk to them separately. I knocked on Ny’s door, and entered at Ratsuii’s quiet “come in.”
They both looked up in surprise when I walked in. Ratsuii offered me a small, hesitant smile, but Ny simply stared at me blankly. It unnerved me a bit. “I... I came to give my condolences,” I said awkwardly as I took a seat at the desk. “For Kenji. I know it wasn’t really my fault, but I wish that I could have done something-”
“He was my cousin,” Ny said dully, cutting me off.
“What?” I jerked, badly startled by the unexpected news.
“Kenji was my cousin. My mom’s oldest sister’s kid. Yamato didn’t know either-”
“Or me,” Ratsuii muttered.
“Or Ratsuii,” Ny continued on, as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “We just never told anyone. I’m not really sure why. It never came up, and then later there was a good reason.”
I had a sick feeling that I didn’t want to know, but I asked anyway. “What reason?”
“Ken.”
Yep, definitely did not want to know...
“How does Ken fit into this?” Ratsuii asked, sounding confused.
"Ken’s also my cousin," Ny said blandly. He could have been talking about the weather.
"What?!" I half-yelled the word, completely taken by surprise. "No way!" Ken, related to Ny and Kenji? That was impossible. It didn't make sense. We would have heard about it before, or something. Back when Ken was an insanely popular eleven year old and his life was being spread all over the media. And I’d met his parents several times. Neither of them ever gave any indication he was adopted, nor Ken himself.
"Ken is my mom’s other sister’s child. She died, and the father wasn’t known, so the Ichijoujis adopted him. He was too young to remember, only one, and they never told him. But we knew, and Kenji and his brothers did too."
I remembered the time we had ditched school to avoid the principal, and being awed at Ny’s house. He had told me his aunt died, and Kenji had leaned over and whispered it had been fourteen years ago. He had apparently been talking about Ken’s mom, his real one that I never knew existed.
"Hey, that time!" Ratsuii said suddenly.
"What time?" I asked, blinking.
Ratsuii ignored me, turning to Ny. "That time we had band practice, and I'd brought Gen along. You said to Kenji that your mutual friend had come to see you-was that Ken you meant?"
“Yes, that was Ken.”
“Why would Ken come to see you?” I asked. “If he didn’t know anything.”
Ny sighed, for the first time showing a bit of emotion. He looked weary. I reminded myself that he hadn’t just lost a bandmate, he’d lost a cousin. A family member that he was very close to. “Ken came to see me after he broke out, because he’d found out.”
My eyes widened. “How?”
“Did Yamato ever tell you that he found out Kento and Sento are Kenji’s brothers?”
I shook my head. “Kenji told me himself, actually, before Yamato did.”
“Well, just like the rest of us, they were also aware of Ken’s secret relation to us.” He paused. “You won’t like this next bit. If you’d rather me not tell you anymore, I won’t.”
“Tell me,” I said immediately, grimly. “I’m sick of secrets.”
“Well, you know when the news about Yamato broke, it was all around the school for awhile. And so they heard the rumours like everybody else, and after you two had that first run in with their gang, they apparently felt it necessary to visit Ken to... well, to tell him they approved of what he’d done.”
“That’s sick,” Ratsuii remarked, sounding a bit sick himself. I could relate, though I kept quiet. I needed to hear the rest of this. I really was sick of everyone keeping secrets about everything. If we'd all just talked, so much of this could have been avoided.
“They also told him the truth about who he was. When he came to see me, he said that was the real reason he’d broken out. That he was very upset about what they’d told him. He sought them out first, wanting them to hide him, which they did. But he watched what they were like, and got more and more sickened by it. He said it made him feel sickened by what he’d done to Yamato, and that he went to see him-”
“Yeah, he tried to apologise. Yamato wasn’t having it,” I said, my voice harsh. Thinking about Ken trying to apologise after everything he’d done still made my blood boil.
“Well, he told me that after he went to see Yamato, he had nowhere else to go but back to Kento’s hideout. He said the gang would come around constantly, gloating about all the horrible stuff they’d done, and that Kento started trying to pressure him into joining them, believing he’d be a great asset.”
“He turned them down?” I asked disbelievingly. “Seems like he would have fit right in.”
Nyusumi shook his head. “I can’t forgive what he did to Yamato, but he was very clear in his dislike for Kento and Sento. Of course, he’s also not stupid, and he lied to them about wanting to join but needing to lie low for awhile. He also started doubting that he was related to them. They once mentioned Kenji being their brother, so he wanted to seek Kenji out and find out if they were telling the truth. But he didn’t want Kento and Sento possibly seeing him talking to Kenji, so he sought me out instead, thinking I would hook him up with Kenji.”
“Did you?” I asked, hardly believing all of this had gone on. I felt overwhelmed by all the new information. It was a lot to take in.
“No. I let him in, let him ask me if it was true, and then I confirmed that it was, that he was related to Kenji and his brothers, and me as well, that all of our moms were sisters. I told him he had a lot of nerve showing up at my house, and asked how he even found out the truth. That’s when he explained everything to me, and how Kento wanted him to join but he didn’t want to.”
Ny paused and shook his head before going on. “I told him I couldn’t help him. That I didn’t want to, because I couldn’t forgive how he’d hurt Yamato. He tried apologising to me too, but I told him I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted to call the cops, but I knew he wouldn’t stick around for them to arrest him again. So I just told him to get the hell out and stay away from Yamato, and Kento and Sento as well. He left, and I didn’t see him again until yesterday.”
“Yesterday?” Ratsuii asked surprised, before I could.
“When my parents got the news that Kenji was dead from my aunt, they also found out that Ken had been there, and was arrested,” Ny explained, voice flat. “I went to go see him.”
“What happened?” Ratsuii asked softly.
“Nothing much. He knew where to go because Kento and Sento stopped by shortly before attacking you, Taichi, and told him what they were going to do. They asked if he wanted to come along. He said he didn’t want to risk getting caught and already had plenty of chances at Yamato, so he’d let them have a turn.”
“Bastard,” I muttered, feeling disgusted.
“He waited until they left, and then ran to find Kenji and convinced him to help him go after you guys. That’s why they showed up. That’s why Kenji’s dead.”
“Ny, that isn’t-” Ratsuii started to say.
“Yes, it is,” Ny said back, and I had the feeling they’d already had this argument at least once today.
“Sento was the one to stab him. Sento was the one to kill him. Not Ken. It isn’t Ken’s fault.”
“YES IT IS!” Ny roared, startling us both. “I know! I fucking know it was Sento’s knife that killed him! I don’t care! If it hadn’t been for Ken bringing him, Sento’s knife never would have killed him!” And with that he burst into sobs, great, loud ones that wracked his whole body as he poured out his grief. I sat there, wide-eyed and uncomfortable, uncertain what to do, his overwhelming sorrow causing my own to threaten to come out.
Ratsuii got up and put his arms around Ny, who grabbed onto him and clung tightly as he cried. “You should probably go now,” he whispered to me as he attempted to comfort Ny.
“Right,” I said quietly, feeling awkward as I blinked back my own tears, my vision blurring. “I’m so sorry. For everything that happened, and for Kenji. I tried to save him, I really did. And tell him thanks for telling me all this.”
He nodded. “He knows you did. And I’ll tell him. Bye, Taichi.”
“Bye.” I wiped at my eyes, then gave a little half-wave and saw myself out.
I walked home slowly, thinking over everything I’d heard, just trying to make sense of it all. I wondered how I would tell Yamato any of it, or if I would. I didn’t even know how he was doing right now, though, or if he’d be in any state to be told anything. I supposed I would have to visit him tomorrow, prepared or not, and see how things went. At least I had the answers now.
I wished life hadn’t gotten to be such a mess.
end chapter seventeen. (10 august 2016 0156AM)
soundtrack for chapter seventeen:
md electro & eric flow - one girl (dancefloor kingz remix), of monsters and men - dirty paws, of monsters and men - little talks, bastille - pompeii, skylar grey - coming home pt ii, skylar grey - final warning
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