Waiting, Book 2, Chapter 6:2
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Toei's, not mine. The song is Kaze ga Fuku Hi (windy day), and is taken from Tenkuu no Escaflowne. I did not translate it myself. Rather, I found it on animelyrics.com
Author's Notes: Heya! Undoubtedly, this won't be posted tomorrow when I post Chapters 2-4, but oh well. It's gonna be posted eventually. Anyways, this is Book 2 (yes, I know I never mentioned Book 1 at the beginning of the story, I FORGOT!). So I'll go ahead and explain the book thing. The first book was where Matt was still trying to get over Ken and the thing with Kento was just starting to become a major part of his life. When Ken visited Matt, and Matt slept with Tai, he was pretty much over Ken, so that chapter of his life (I called it book, just to make it less confusing) is over. The second book is where he pretty much focuses on Kento and major things happen. (ODM-something WILL happen!) Anyways, since I haven't posted the other chapters yet, I really can't think anybody for all their wonderful ideas b/c I haven't gotten any!!! But I go ahead and think potential reviewers in advance! ^_^ well, anyways, here's part 2 of chapter 6. Enjoy! Don't forget to review at the end!
--->Translation:
|Walking along the beautiful blue sea,
|I realize again and again that
|I worry about nothing but meaningless things.
|On this day with the warm wind blowing, yesterday
|seems terribly blinding...
|sadly glimmering...
|But
|What can I do
|to learn to love myself?
|If I learn to
|love myself more and more, then...
|I line up self-satisfied words...
|Even though we're going too fast, that's OK,
|since unforseen feelings...
|...have started to overflow in my heart
|like they're being rushed...
|since they're pushing up on me so much...
|but
|I'm always different
|from who I wanted to be.
|This isn't who I've wanted to be,
|but I'm sure this is me.|
BOOK 2
Waiting
Chapter 6:2-Secret Revealed
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|kirei na aoi umi wo aruite
|muimi na koto bakari nayamu
|kurikaeshi ni kigatsuku
|nurui kaze fuku hi ni ha kinou ga
|hidoku mabushiku miete
|kanashiku kirameitete demo
|doushitara jibun no koto wo
|daisuki ni narerun darou nante
|motto motto jibun no koto wo
|daisuki ni nareru nara
|hitori yo gari na kotoba narabete
|isogi sugitatte ii ja nai
|oitaterareru you ni
|mae furenai kimochi ga kokoro ni
|afurete kitan dakara
|konna ni oshi yosete kitan dakara demo
|narita katta jibun to nareru
|jibun ha itsumo chigatte iru
|nare nakatta jibun ja nakute
|sore koso watashi datte|
When I woke the next morning, the first thing I thought was 'Where in hell am I?' and the second was "OW!!!!"
Tai's head snapped up with a start. "What? What is it? What happened? Who died? Ow! Damn! Ite-te-te!"
"You're telling me," I groan. "Geez, by the fourth time you think it wouldn't hurt so much."
"At least you're not a virgin," Tai grumbled. "And I was the dominant one!"
"It's not my fault I'm not a virgin!"
"Yeah, yeah. What time is it?"
Mindful of Tai still on top of me, I eased myself up on my elbows, glancing around for a clock. "6:45, amazingly. Surprised it's not noon or something."
"I wish it was," Tai said. "At least then I wouldn't have to worry about school. I'm too damn tired to go."
"So don't," I told him in the middle of a yawn. "Nobody said you had to go."
"If 'kaasan finds out I missed school, especially after I never called her and told her I was staying here last night, she'll be extremely pissed. Might kill me or something."
"Nyah, she wouldn't. Besides, you're seventeen. You can afford to miss a few days of school."
"Not with my IQ level I can't."
I laughed. "Allright, allright. Get off me. If you can't miss school, then I won't either. Get up and we'll get ready."
+-+-+-+
By 7:15 we were ready to go. We'd miss a few minutes of homeroom, but that's it. Although, it turned out to be more than a few minutes. I had to go to the office and get checked in, since it was my first day back since Kento, and that in itself took fifteen minutes. So by the time Taichi and I limped into homeroom (both of us still kinda sore from last night-I think sleeping on the couch had something to do with it), it was almost 7:50. The bell would ring in five minutes.
Yamada Sensei glanced up as we walked in. "Why are you boys late?"
"I had to get checked in at the office," I explained.
"Taichi?"
"Uh... I was with Matt."
"Why? He's a big boy, he can get checked in by himself."
"Err... no reason, Sensei."
Sensei didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows as we limped to our seats. When the bell rang to go to second form, he summoned us to his desk.
"Yes Sensei?"
"Look boys, I'll be blunt with you. I don't know exactly what your relationship is with each other (although I have a fairly good idea) but whatever it is, I recommend you keep it low key. A lot of things have been flying around the school that even the teachers have heard, and many of them are not pretty. I'm sure you've heard them. So I'll advise you of something. Whatever you two did last night, don't make it obvious. Which means, Taichi, you don't have to go with him when he checks in, and you don't have to make sure there's less than an inch of space between you. Don't let it happen again. You're good kids. I don't need to see you getting beat up. Get it?"
Taichi grinned weakly. "Yeah. I get it."
"Matt?"
I blushed. "Got it."
"Dismissed." He went back to whatever he'd been doing with the papers on his desk, and Taichi and I shared an embarrassed look before departing. We didn't even say anything out in the hallway, just waved and went our separate ways to second form.
Kurata Sensei smiled at me when I entered.
"Good morning, Matt. Do you have an absentee form?"
"Um, no...I checked in at the office earlier. I was late."
"Alright. Then please sit down."
"Hai." I took my seat, still limping.
+-+-+-+
"Allright! The test is tomorrow! Don't forget to study!" Tadaji Sensei cried over the excited chatter of voices.
The room emptied out, leaving three people in it.
Taichi came over to me. "Come on, ready to go home?"
I groaned. "I don't think I can walk anymore."
Tai just grinned at me. "Still sore? Well, that's to be expected. But if you need a distraction-"
"Taichi!' I hissed, cutting him off. I glanced over at Tadaji Sensei. The man was hunched over his desk, busily absorbed in grading papers, but that didn't mean he wasn't listening to us.
My boyfriend continued to grin at me. "What? It's not like he's listening to us."
"Not true," Sensei spoke up, not looking up from his desk.
"Ack! Err...."
I groaned. "Come on Taichi. Let's go before you manage to give anything else away." I stood and began to gather my stuff.
Taichi followed obediently. "What? I didn't give *everything* away. I mean, there's still-"
"Behave! Or I might just decide to not let you come over later," I said, grinning wickedly.
He adopted a hurt look on his face. "But Yama," he whined. "That's not fair! It's wrong. Immoral. Or something."
I pushed open the doors, exiting the school. "So? It just means you better be good, Yagami Taichi!"
"Yes Master."
I laughed.
"Tai! Taichi!"
Tai looked from me to where his sister was running towards him, trying frantically to get his attention.
"Nan da Hikari?" he asked as she approached.
"Where have you been? You never came home last night, and 'kaasan got worried when you never called."
"I stayed the night at Matt's."
"Well then why didn't you call? You scared her half to death, making her think something bad had happened."
"Err... I was -busy."
"So busy you couldn't take five minutes to call?"
"Um..." tiny beads of sweat were beginning to form on Tai's forehead, and he looked so embarrassed it was all I could do to keep from laughing. A sudden image of Tai talking to his mother on the phone while having sex with me came to my mind, and my efforts were in vain. I burst out laughing.
Kari gave me a strange look, then turned to her brother. "Well? Why didn't you call?"
"Uh..."
Apparently Kari didn't feel like waiting for an answer.
"Ack! Kari!" Tai cried as she began to drag him off. "Stop it!"
"Nope." came the direct reply.
"But-but I don't wanna go home! I wanna go and spend time some quality time with Matt!"
"Too bad."
"Hey! No wait! Kari- Kaaaaa~aaariiiii~!!!!"
He disappeared down the street, still being dragged against his will by Kari. Shaking my head, I started to head home, laughter subsided, my thoughts drifting back to last night, how wonderfully gentle Tai had been with me, how much pleasure he'd given me. I have to admit, I wouldn't protest if we did that again anytime soon.
I was almost home when I heard a familiar voice call my name. "Oniichan!"
Takeru.
What was this, get mauled by your siblings day?
I stopped and waited for Takeru to catch up, then resumed walking once he was beside me. "So what's up?" I asked him and he fell in step with me.
"You won't believe what I have to tell you!" he burst out excitedly. "Heck, I can barely believe it myself!"
"Oh?" I raised an inquiring eyebrow.
"Yeah! But I'll tell you when we get to you place!"
"Uh, Takeru...?"
"Yeah?"
"We are at my place. It's right around the corner."
"Oh. Well, we're not inside yet," he said pointedly.
"Whatever." My trademark reply. (A/N: Mine too! That and whatev) ^_~
Five minutes later found us in the living room, me on the couch and him in the chair. (Normally it's the other way b/c he loves our couch, but this time I insisted, considering what Tai and I had just done last night.)
"Now," I said. "Tell me what it is that I won't believe because you barely even believe it."
"Yeah. You remember when I told you that I told Daisuke I liked him and he said that he never thought of me that way?"
"Yeah.." I said slowly, suspicion dawning in my mind.
"Yeah. Ok, well today during lunch he told me that ever since I confessed I liked him, he'd been thinking more and more about me and started realizing things and that maybe he could think of a lot worse things than going out with me and that he wouldn't really mind at all and that in fact he'd rather like to."
"So what, now you two are an item?" I asked in disbelief.
He grinned at me. "Yep." (A/N: I tried so hard to keep two sided Takedai/Daikeru out of here! But I just couldn't resist the TakeDai! I love it too much! They're so cute together!)
I smiled. "That's great! I'm glad for you, Takeru."
"Thanks, 'niichan."
+-+-+-+
"Matt, what is wrong with you? You've been walking funny all evening."
"Oh, uh, nothing!" I yelped nervously. "I'm just fine!"
'tousan raised an eyebrow, but I escaped to the kitchen before he could question me further.
Going over to the fridge, I snatched the last can of soda, then headed back to the livingroom, where I promptly discovered 'tousan wasn't letting it go so easily.
He motioned for me to sit on the couch beside him, but I shook my head. "I want the couch to myself."
"What about me?"
"Sit in the chair," I told him with feigned indifference.
A shrug of his shoulders and he did. "Ok. Now Matt, I'm serious. You've been funny ever since I got home. Tell me what's up?"
"Err.. I'm fine, really."
'tousan gave me a look which said he knew I was lying through my teeth. "Matt!" he warned sternly. "If you don't tell me what's wrong with you I will forbid you to see Tai."
I gaped at him. "That's not fair!"
"Life's not fair. Now speak."
I let out a sigh to let him know I wasn't happy. "Err.. well, the thing is.... well, .. I kinda.... I kinda slept with Tai and stuff-" God this was really embarrassing "-and I'm still kinda.. sore and ... well...." I trailed off, beyond embarrassment, my cheeks stained crimson, waiting anxiously to see how he'd take this bit of news.
'tousan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I see."
Did he really? Was he okay with this knowledge? "You're not... mad, are you?"
"Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm actually rather glad you found the courage to go through with something like that. I'd been worried for awhile. Dr. Kaos warned me some time back that it could be a long time before you ever felt comfortable with the idea of sex."
"Yeah, well...."
Awkward Silence.
"Waitasec... Your sleeping with Tai wouldn't have to do anything with you not wanting me on the couch, would it?" 'tousan asked me abruptly.
I averted me eyes and didn't reply.
"Oh Jesus Matt!"
"There was a blanket underneath. Was, at any rate. You wouldn't wanna use it now."
"Oh God, don't tell me that! I don't wanna know! Geez! Now I don't know if I ever want on that couch again!"
"Um, sorry?" I said sheepishly.
+-+-+-+
"You WHAT?!" Tai shrieked.
I winced. "Tai, I'm sorry. I told 'tousan we slept together."
"Whatever FOR??"
"Because he asked."
"SO?! If my dad asked, I wouldn't have told him!"
"But he was threatening to forbid me from seeing you if I didn't tell him why I'd been 'walking funny' all evening. There was nothing I could do!"
Over the phone, Tai growled. "Damn your father... GOD!! Now I'll never be able to look at him again!"
"Yeah. Think how I feel!" I said. "I have to live with guy! Did you know he refuses to sit on the couch now?"
"How does he know we did it on the couch?"
"Err... because when he sat down to talk to me, I wouldn't let him sit on the couch, and then he just kinda guessed."
Tai groaned. "Matt!"
"Sorry. It's not like I wanted to tell him!"
My boyfriend let out a sigh. "Well, there's nothing to be done about it now.."
"Yeah..." O~k, time to change the channel. "Did you know the Digital World breeds homosexual tendencies?"
He snorted. "How do you figure that?"
"Come on. Think of all the Chosen that turned out gay. You, me, Jyou, Koushiro, Takeru, Daisuke..."
"Daisuke? But I thought..."
"Nope. My brother came over today with the big news he and Daisuke were going together."
"Oh." Silence. "Strange." More silence. "But how do you figure Jyou and Koushiro?"
"Mainly because they're an item too. So that makes half the Chosen."
"More than that," Tai murmured.
"What? Who else do you know about that I don't?"
"Err.... you didn't here this from me."
"No," I agreed.
"Well, Sora and Mimi are dating. And Ken was gay, you know. And..."
"And?"
"You never heard this at all, but Hikari is bisexual," he said in hushed tones.
"WHAT?!"
"She likes Miyako."
"No way! You're kidding, right?"
"Uh-uh. She told me herself. But don't you dare ever say anything about it! But anyways, that makes... lessee.. 9 and a half Chosen gay. Not to mention Ny, Gen, Keiichi, Sai..."
I was silent, thinking it over. "Who'd have thought so many people could be gay?" I said at last. "And who would have thought almost all the Chosen turned out that way? I told you the Digital World breeds homosexual tendencies."
"If not homosexuals themselves," Tai laughed.
"Small world," I commented. "Anyways, I should go. I'm really tired, haven't been sleeping the best lately."
He didn't voice it, but I could sense Tai was worried. "Allright," he said quietly. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow then. Love ya, babe."
I blushed. Tai was always calling me babe. Why was beyond me. "Love ya too. Later, Taichi."
"Bye." He hung up, and I did too.
Then I stripped down to my boxers and turned off the light, crawling in bed. I hadn't been lying to Tai; I was exhausted. Sleep would be good, provided it wasn't full of hellish nightmares.
Closing my eyes, I thought of nothing but Tai. I was still thinking of him when I fell asleep some time later.
But even thoughts of my boyfriend did nothing to stop the pain filled nightmares. It was a never ending hell I couldn't escape.
+-+-+-+
(A/N: ARGH!!!!!!! WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!! FIRST TIME FOR THE STORY!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!! Weeks later: I'm back!!!! I've an idea finally!)
"Spend the night? At your house?"
"Aw come on Yama," Tai wheedled. "It'll be fun. You haven't come round to mine in ages. Not since..."
"I don't know..." I began uncertainly.
"Oh please oh please oh please? Hikari's having Miyako round and I really don't need another makeover right now."
I laughed and cringed at the same time. "Miyako's gonna be there? Oh geez Tai, I really don't think so. I barely know her, and the way she acts intimidates me."
"You're seventeen, Matt. Come on."
"I'm not in the mood right now. I've already done that once today."
"Sod you."
"Now I'm really not coming. Enjoy your makeover." I hung up, laughing to myself. No doubt Taichi was staring at the dead phone in his hand, panicking. He's probably afraid he did something to make me mad at him. Give him fifteen minutes. He should be here by then.
While I was waiting, I looked around the house for 'tousan. I found him in the kitchen, eating a sandwich. I noted he'd used the last of the bread. I'd have to buy more.
"Otousan?"
He looked up, noticed me. "Hai?"
"Is it all right if I go round to Tai's tonight? It's Friday," I added when I saw he was about to protest. I could understand why; ever since I'd been stabbed by Kento, he'd been nervous to let me go anywhere other than school. Afraid I'd get hurt again.
"I guess," he conceded. "If you do anything, err... sexual.. be careful, okay?"
"I will."
"Matt! Matt!" Tai came charging in the room. I looked at my watch in surprise. He'd made it in just under ten minutes.
"Matt!" Tai ran over to me and latched on to my arm, breathing hard. 'tousan raised his eyebrows.
My boyfriend looked up at me. "Matt, you're not mad at me are you? Please don't be mad at me," he pleaded.
I resisted the urge to laugh and instead tried my best to look sullen and angry. It wasn't hard, as it was a face I'd been perfecting since I was little. "Why shouldn't I be mad at you?" I asked, letting a trace of anger creep into my voice. "After the way you treated me-"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I just wanted you to spend the night! Please?" He looked so utterly miserable that I gave up pretending to be angry. I couldn't be mad at those adorable brown eyes of his filled with tears.
"Taichi baka."
He looked at me in confusion. "What?"
"You honestly think I'm mad at you?"
"Wha...?"
I laughed. "I'm not mad at you, baka. I never was. I just wanted to see your reaction. Of course I'll come round to yours tonight."
"You will?" he said, face visibly brightening.
"Of course. I asked otousan here while I was waiting for you."
He gaped at me. "You knew I was-" Suddenly the first part of my sentence registered, or so I'm assuming, because his face turned bright red as he stared at 'tousan, then he turned and fled the room.
I stared after him, then turned towards 'tousan. He looked back at me questioningly.
"Embarrassed," I explained.
"Ah," 'tousan said.
"I am not!"
"Then why are you hiding out in my living room now that you discerned I'm not mad at you?" I inquired airily.
"Err......"
"No excuse, I see. Uh-huh. I see how you are. Yep. You're embarrassed."
"Shutup, Matt!" Tai warned me, his voice muffled. I peeked my head around the corner and saw his head was buried in the chair, hiding, I guess. "Look, can we just go?" he asked huffily.
I laughed. "Allright, allright. Let me throw some junk together first. Geez, have a cow."
"Sure! Can I name it Fred?"
I just rolled my eyes. My boyfriend was so idiotic sometimes.
+-+-+-+
"Hello Matt, it's nice to finally see you again."
I just smiled at Mrs. Yagami, a little uncomfortable being back in Taichi's house after so long. It was strange to be talking to his parents when they knew what Ken had done to me and also that I was dating their son. Was this how Tai felt sometimes when he talked to 'tousan? If so, I certainly didn't envy him any. This was downright Awkward. Almost like Awkward Silence. I hate that.
Allright, I guess I'm about to start rambling, so I'll shutup now.
"Okaasan, is it allright if Matt and I order a couple movies on tv later?" Tai asked, breaking the silence.
Mrs. Yagami looked at him. "Why of course, Tai dear. Make sure it's something your sister and her friend will be interested in as well."
"I guess that rules out gay porn," Tai whisphered, leaning towards me. I choked back a laugh.
She just looked at us. "What's funny? What'd you say, Tai dear?"
"N-nothing!" Tai said, turning a nice shade of red. "Well anyways, gotta split." He grabbed my hand and began to drag me away while I was busy protesting.
"Aa! Ta-ta-taichi! What are you doing? Taichi, stop! Taichi!!"
He didn't say anything til we reached his room, and that only to answer my question. "Does your legal name read Tai dear on you birth certificate?"
"Shut up! It's not like I want her to call me that. Besides, it's better than having 'tousan call me Taichi, and never once Tai."
"Your father never calls you Tai?"
"Nope."
"Why?"
"Beats me. But sometimes it gets really annoying."
"Hmm.... Taichi or Tai dear...... I think I like Tai dear better."
"Shut up you!"
+-+-+-+
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Tai asked me, frowning.
"My God Tai," I snapped. "You and Hikari are only going on a few quick errands! You're starting to turn into your mother. Just go already. I'll be fine."
"You're sure?" he asked again.
"Damn! Go already!" I cried, resenting the way he constantly worried over me.
"Well, if you're sure..."
"Of course I'm sure! Now go!" I shoved him out the door into the hallway. He bumped into Hikari, who had probably come back up to see what was taking him so long. I closed the door, then turned around, almost bowling Miyako over.
I raised my eyebrows. "Does the term 'personal space' mean anything to you?"
"Nope," she replied, grinning.
"Well, unless you want me to start freaking out, I'd suggest you back up."
She did so obediently, still grinning.
"Why would you freak out?"
"I don't like people getting close to me, unless they're Tai."
"Cos of what Ken did?" she asked, tucking her short lavender hair behind her ears in an unconscious gesture.
I froze. Tai had said she wouldn't talk about it to me.... that was one of the reasons I went ahead and agreed to coming over.
Well, maybe she didn't mean it that way. And I was the one that brought it up in the first place, even if it was indirectly and totally unintentional.
"Yes, because of what he did," I said, somewhat stiffly.
She frowned. "Just what did he do to you anyway? I heard he raped and you and broke your arm, and that he stabbed you, but Ken was one of my best friends, and I can't picture him doing something so cruel. Even if he was the Kaiser."
I was starting to panic. I could tell in the way I was having trouble breathing, and the way my whole body suddenly seemed to go limp.
"So I guess what I'm really asking," she continued on, oblivious to me, "is are you serious about him raping you, or is like those people at school were saying? That you let him, and then when you got scared, you cried rape on him?"
She was one of them...? Oh Taichi.. why did I let you sucker me into this?
"Leave me alone," I whisphered, breathing harshly. "Just.."
she looked at me in surprise. "What? I was just asking. I mean, to picture Ken raping you.. doing all that stuff... get real."
Doing all that stuff...
Well Yamato, someone's been a bad boy, haven't they?
"No, I wasn't... I just...."
Oops. Did I hurt you Yamato? Here, I have an idea that will make you feel better.
"Please don't.."
"Don't what?" Miyako asked, snapping me out of nightmarish memories.
I took deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm down. They didn't help.
"Hey, are you gonna answer me or not? What was it like when Ken raped you? Huh? Did it hurt a lot? I mean, they say virgin girls hurt a LOT when they're raped, but is it the same for virgin guys? That is, assuming you were a virgin."
Oh Jesus, no... leave me alone.. how could she do this to me?
End Part 6:2
Author's Notes: *sweatdrop.. Today's date: March 26, 2002 Tuesday 5:32 PM/Date I began this damned story: Not entirely sure. It's first mentioned in my journal around October, but it already talked about quite few a chapters, so I'm opting September or even the end of August. Anyways, it's been so long since I worked on this thing.. ideas are so few now, and the one I'm working with right now isn't good for very long. *Sigh*
part seven
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Toei's, not mine. The song is Kaze ga Fuku Hi (windy day), and is taken from Tenkuu no Escaflowne. I did not translate it myself. Rather, I found it on animelyrics.com
Author's Notes: Heya! Undoubtedly, this won't be posted tomorrow when I post Chapters 2-4, but oh well. It's gonna be posted eventually. Anyways, this is Book 2 (yes, I know I never mentioned Book 1 at the beginning of the story, I FORGOT!). So I'll go ahead and explain the book thing. The first book was where Matt was still trying to get over Ken and the thing with Kento was just starting to become a major part of his life. When Ken visited Matt, and Matt slept with Tai, he was pretty much over Ken, so that chapter of his life (I called it book, just to make it less confusing) is over. The second book is where he pretty much focuses on Kento and major things happen. (ODM-something WILL happen!) Anyways, since I haven't posted the other chapters yet, I really can't think anybody for all their wonderful ideas b/c I haven't gotten any!!! But I go ahead and think potential reviewers in advance! ^_^ well, anyways, here's part 2 of chapter 6. Enjoy! Don't forget to review at the end!
--->Translation:
|Walking along the beautiful blue sea,
|I realize again and again that
|I worry about nothing but meaningless things.
|On this day with the warm wind blowing, yesterday
|seems terribly blinding...
|sadly glimmering...
|But
|What can I do
|to learn to love myself?
|If I learn to
|love myself more and more, then...
|I line up self-satisfied words...
|Even though we're going too fast, that's OK,
|since unforseen feelings...
|...have started to overflow in my heart
|like they're being rushed...
|since they're pushing up on me so much...
|but
|I'm always different
|from who I wanted to be.
|This isn't who I've wanted to be,
|but I'm sure this is me.|
BOOK 2
Waiting
Chapter 6:2-Secret Revealed
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|kirei na aoi umi wo aruite
|muimi na koto bakari nayamu
|kurikaeshi ni kigatsuku
|nurui kaze fuku hi ni ha kinou ga
|hidoku mabushiku miete
|kanashiku kirameitete demo
|doushitara jibun no koto wo
|daisuki ni narerun darou nante
|motto motto jibun no koto wo
|daisuki ni nareru nara
|hitori yo gari na kotoba narabete
|isogi sugitatte ii ja nai
|oitaterareru you ni
|mae furenai kimochi ga kokoro ni
|afurete kitan dakara
|konna ni oshi yosete kitan dakara demo
|narita katta jibun to nareru
|jibun ha itsumo chigatte iru
|nare nakatta jibun ja nakute
|sore koso watashi datte|
When I woke the next morning, the first thing I thought was 'Where in hell am I?' and the second was "OW!!!!"
Tai's head snapped up with a start. "What? What is it? What happened? Who died? Ow! Damn! Ite-te-te!"
"You're telling me," I groan. "Geez, by the fourth time you think it wouldn't hurt so much."
"At least you're not a virgin," Tai grumbled. "And I was the dominant one!"
"It's not my fault I'm not a virgin!"
"Yeah, yeah. What time is it?"
Mindful of Tai still on top of me, I eased myself up on my elbows, glancing around for a clock. "6:45, amazingly. Surprised it's not noon or something."
"I wish it was," Tai said. "At least then I wouldn't have to worry about school. I'm too damn tired to go."
"So don't," I told him in the middle of a yawn. "Nobody said you had to go."
"If 'kaasan finds out I missed school, especially after I never called her and told her I was staying here last night, she'll be extremely pissed. Might kill me or something."
"Nyah, she wouldn't. Besides, you're seventeen. You can afford to miss a few days of school."
"Not with my IQ level I can't."
I laughed. "Allright, allright. Get off me. If you can't miss school, then I won't either. Get up and we'll get ready."
+-+-+-+
By 7:15 we were ready to go. We'd miss a few minutes of homeroom, but that's it. Although, it turned out to be more than a few minutes. I had to go to the office and get checked in, since it was my first day back since Kento, and that in itself took fifteen minutes. So by the time Taichi and I limped into homeroom (both of us still kinda sore from last night-I think sleeping on the couch had something to do with it), it was almost 7:50. The bell would ring in five minutes.
Yamada Sensei glanced up as we walked in. "Why are you boys late?"
"I had to get checked in at the office," I explained.
"Taichi?"
"Uh... I was with Matt."
"Why? He's a big boy, he can get checked in by himself."
"Err... no reason, Sensei."
Sensei didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows as we limped to our seats. When the bell rang to go to second form, he summoned us to his desk.
"Yes Sensei?"
"Look boys, I'll be blunt with you. I don't know exactly what your relationship is with each other (although I have a fairly good idea) but whatever it is, I recommend you keep it low key. A lot of things have been flying around the school that even the teachers have heard, and many of them are not pretty. I'm sure you've heard them. So I'll advise you of something. Whatever you two did last night, don't make it obvious. Which means, Taichi, you don't have to go with him when he checks in, and you don't have to make sure there's less than an inch of space between you. Don't let it happen again. You're good kids. I don't need to see you getting beat up. Get it?"
Taichi grinned weakly. "Yeah. I get it."
"Matt?"
I blushed. "Got it."
"Dismissed." He went back to whatever he'd been doing with the papers on his desk, and Taichi and I shared an embarrassed look before departing. We didn't even say anything out in the hallway, just waved and went our separate ways to second form.
Kurata Sensei smiled at me when I entered.
"Good morning, Matt. Do you have an absentee form?"
"Um, no...I checked in at the office earlier. I was late."
"Alright. Then please sit down."
"Hai." I took my seat, still limping.
+-+-+-+
"Allright! The test is tomorrow! Don't forget to study!" Tadaji Sensei cried over the excited chatter of voices.
The room emptied out, leaving three people in it.
Taichi came over to me. "Come on, ready to go home?"
I groaned. "I don't think I can walk anymore."
Tai just grinned at me. "Still sore? Well, that's to be expected. But if you need a distraction-"
"Taichi!' I hissed, cutting him off. I glanced over at Tadaji Sensei. The man was hunched over his desk, busily absorbed in grading papers, but that didn't mean he wasn't listening to us.
My boyfriend continued to grin at me. "What? It's not like he's listening to us."
"Not true," Sensei spoke up, not looking up from his desk.
"Ack! Err...."
I groaned. "Come on Taichi. Let's go before you manage to give anything else away." I stood and began to gather my stuff.
Taichi followed obediently. "What? I didn't give *everything* away. I mean, there's still-"
"Behave! Or I might just decide to not let you come over later," I said, grinning wickedly.
He adopted a hurt look on his face. "But Yama," he whined. "That's not fair! It's wrong. Immoral. Or something."
I pushed open the doors, exiting the school. "So? It just means you better be good, Yagami Taichi!"
"Yes Master."
I laughed.
"Tai! Taichi!"
Tai looked from me to where his sister was running towards him, trying frantically to get his attention.
"Nan da Hikari?" he asked as she approached.
"Where have you been? You never came home last night, and 'kaasan got worried when you never called."
"I stayed the night at Matt's."
"Well then why didn't you call? You scared her half to death, making her think something bad had happened."
"Err... I was -busy."
"So busy you couldn't take five minutes to call?"
"Um..." tiny beads of sweat were beginning to form on Tai's forehead, and he looked so embarrassed it was all I could do to keep from laughing. A sudden image of Tai talking to his mother on the phone while having sex with me came to my mind, and my efforts were in vain. I burst out laughing.
Kari gave me a strange look, then turned to her brother. "Well? Why didn't you call?"
"Uh..."
Apparently Kari didn't feel like waiting for an answer.
"Ack! Kari!" Tai cried as she began to drag him off. "Stop it!"
"Nope." came the direct reply.
"But-but I don't wanna go home! I wanna go and spend time some quality time with Matt!"
"Too bad."
"Hey! No wait! Kari- Kaaaaa~aaariiiii~!!!!"
He disappeared down the street, still being dragged against his will by Kari. Shaking my head, I started to head home, laughter subsided, my thoughts drifting back to last night, how wonderfully gentle Tai had been with me, how much pleasure he'd given me. I have to admit, I wouldn't protest if we did that again anytime soon.
I was almost home when I heard a familiar voice call my name. "Oniichan!"
Takeru.
What was this, get mauled by your siblings day?
I stopped and waited for Takeru to catch up, then resumed walking once he was beside me. "So what's up?" I asked him and he fell in step with me.
"You won't believe what I have to tell you!" he burst out excitedly. "Heck, I can barely believe it myself!"
"Oh?" I raised an inquiring eyebrow.
"Yeah! But I'll tell you when we get to you place!"
"Uh, Takeru...?"
"Yeah?"
"We are at my place. It's right around the corner."
"Oh. Well, we're not inside yet," he said pointedly.
"Whatever." My trademark reply. (A/N: Mine too! That and whatev) ^_~
Five minutes later found us in the living room, me on the couch and him in the chair. (Normally it's the other way b/c he loves our couch, but this time I insisted, considering what Tai and I had just done last night.)
"Now," I said. "Tell me what it is that I won't believe because you barely even believe it."
"Yeah. You remember when I told you that I told Daisuke I liked him and he said that he never thought of me that way?"
"Yeah.." I said slowly, suspicion dawning in my mind.
"Yeah. Ok, well today during lunch he told me that ever since I confessed I liked him, he'd been thinking more and more about me and started realizing things and that maybe he could think of a lot worse things than going out with me and that he wouldn't really mind at all and that in fact he'd rather like to."
"So what, now you two are an item?" I asked in disbelief.
He grinned at me. "Yep." (A/N: I tried so hard to keep two sided Takedai/Daikeru out of here! But I just couldn't resist the TakeDai! I love it too much! They're so cute together!)
I smiled. "That's great! I'm glad for you, Takeru."
"Thanks, 'niichan."
+-+-+-+
"Matt, what is wrong with you? You've been walking funny all evening."
"Oh, uh, nothing!" I yelped nervously. "I'm just fine!"
'tousan raised an eyebrow, but I escaped to the kitchen before he could question me further.
Going over to the fridge, I snatched the last can of soda, then headed back to the livingroom, where I promptly discovered 'tousan wasn't letting it go so easily.
He motioned for me to sit on the couch beside him, but I shook my head. "I want the couch to myself."
"What about me?"
"Sit in the chair," I told him with feigned indifference.
A shrug of his shoulders and he did. "Ok. Now Matt, I'm serious. You've been funny ever since I got home. Tell me what's up?"
"Err.. I'm fine, really."
'tousan gave me a look which said he knew I was lying through my teeth. "Matt!" he warned sternly. "If you don't tell me what's wrong with you I will forbid you to see Tai."
I gaped at him. "That's not fair!"
"Life's not fair. Now speak."
I let out a sigh to let him know I wasn't happy. "Err.. well, the thing is.... well, .. I kinda.... I kinda slept with Tai and stuff-" God this was really embarrassing "-and I'm still kinda.. sore and ... well...." I trailed off, beyond embarrassment, my cheeks stained crimson, waiting anxiously to see how he'd take this bit of news.
'tousan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I see."
Did he really? Was he okay with this knowledge? "You're not... mad, are you?"
"Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm actually rather glad you found the courage to go through with something like that. I'd been worried for awhile. Dr. Kaos warned me some time back that it could be a long time before you ever felt comfortable with the idea of sex."
"Yeah, well...."
Awkward Silence.
"Waitasec... Your sleeping with Tai wouldn't have to do anything with you not wanting me on the couch, would it?" 'tousan asked me abruptly.
I averted me eyes and didn't reply.
"Oh Jesus Matt!"
"There was a blanket underneath. Was, at any rate. You wouldn't wanna use it now."
"Oh God, don't tell me that! I don't wanna know! Geez! Now I don't know if I ever want on that couch again!"
"Um, sorry?" I said sheepishly.
+-+-+-+
"You WHAT?!" Tai shrieked.
I winced. "Tai, I'm sorry. I told 'tousan we slept together."
"Whatever FOR??"
"Because he asked."
"SO?! If my dad asked, I wouldn't have told him!"
"But he was threatening to forbid me from seeing you if I didn't tell him why I'd been 'walking funny' all evening. There was nothing I could do!"
Over the phone, Tai growled. "Damn your father... GOD!! Now I'll never be able to look at him again!"
"Yeah. Think how I feel!" I said. "I have to live with guy! Did you know he refuses to sit on the couch now?"
"How does he know we did it on the couch?"
"Err... because when he sat down to talk to me, I wouldn't let him sit on the couch, and then he just kinda guessed."
Tai groaned. "Matt!"
"Sorry. It's not like I wanted to tell him!"
My boyfriend let out a sigh. "Well, there's nothing to be done about it now.."
"Yeah..." O~k, time to change the channel. "Did you know the Digital World breeds homosexual tendencies?"
He snorted. "How do you figure that?"
"Come on. Think of all the Chosen that turned out gay. You, me, Jyou, Koushiro, Takeru, Daisuke..."
"Daisuke? But I thought..."
"Nope. My brother came over today with the big news he and Daisuke were going together."
"Oh." Silence. "Strange." More silence. "But how do you figure Jyou and Koushiro?"
"Mainly because they're an item too. So that makes half the Chosen."
"More than that," Tai murmured.
"What? Who else do you know about that I don't?"
"Err.... you didn't here this from me."
"No," I agreed.
"Well, Sora and Mimi are dating. And Ken was gay, you know. And..."
"And?"
"You never heard this at all, but Hikari is bisexual," he said in hushed tones.
"WHAT?!"
"She likes Miyako."
"No way! You're kidding, right?"
"Uh-uh. She told me herself. But don't you dare ever say anything about it! But anyways, that makes... lessee.. 9 and a half Chosen gay. Not to mention Ny, Gen, Keiichi, Sai..."
I was silent, thinking it over. "Who'd have thought so many people could be gay?" I said at last. "And who would have thought almost all the Chosen turned out that way? I told you the Digital World breeds homosexual tendencies."
"If not homosexuals themselves," Tai laughed.
"Small world," I commented. "Anyways, I should go. I'm really tired, haven't been sleeping the best lately."
He didn't voice it, but I could sense Tai was worried. "Allright," he said quietly. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow then. Love ya, babe."
I blushed. Tai was always calling me babe. Why was beyond me. "Love ya too. Later, Taichi."
"Bye." He hung up, and I did too.
Then I stripped down to my boxers and turned off the light, crawling in bed. I hadn't been lying to Tai; I was exhausted. Sleep would be good, provided it wasn't full of hellish nightmares.
Closing my eyes, I thought of nothing but Tai. I was still thinking of him when I fell asleep some time later.
But even thoughts of my boyfriend did nothing to stop the pain filled nightmares. It was a never ending hell I couldn't escape.
+-+-+-+
(A/N: ARGH!!!!!!! WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!! FIRST TIME FOR THE STORY!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!! Weeks later: I'm back!!!! I've an idea finally!)
"Spend the night? At your house?"
"Aw come on Yama," Tai wheedled. "It'll be fun. You haven't come round to mine in ages. Not since..."
"I don't know..." I began uncertainly.
"Oh please oh please oh please? Hikari's having Miyako round and I really don't need another makeover right now."
I laughed and cringed at the same time. "Miyako's gonna be there? Oh geez Tai, I really don't think so. I barely know her, and the way she acts intimidates me."
"You're seventeen, Matt. Come on."
"I'm not in the mood right now. I've already done that once today."
"Sod you."
"Now I'm really not coming. Enjoy your makeover." I hung up, laughing to myself. No doubt Taichi was staring at the dead phone in his hand, panicking. He's probably afraid he did something to make me mad at him. Give him fifteen minutes. He should be here by then.
While I was waiting, I looked around the house for 'tousan. I found him in the kitchen, eating a sandwich. I noted he'd used the last of the bread. I'd have to buy more.
"Otousan?"
He looked up, noticed me. "Hai?"
"Is it all right if I go round to Tai's tonight? It's Friday," I added when I saw he was about to protest. I could understand why; ever since I'd been stabbed by Kento, he'd been nervous to let me go anywhere other than school. Afraid I'd get hurt again.
"I guess," he conceded. "If you do anything, err... sexual.. be careful, okay?"
"I will."
"Matt! Matt!" Tai came charging in the room. I looked at my watch in surprise. He'd made it in just under ten minutes.
"Matt!" Tai ran over to me and latched on to my arm, breathing hard. 'tousan raised his eyebrows.
My boyfriend looked up at me. "Matt, you're not mad at me are you? Please don't be mad at me," he pleaded.
I resisted the urge to laugh and instead tried my best to look sullen and angry. It wasn't hard, as it was a face I'd been perfecting since I was little. "Why shouldn't I be mad at you?" I asked, letting a trace of anger creep into my voice. "After the way you treated me-"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I just wanted you to spend the night! Please?" He looked so utterly miserable that I gave up pretending to be angry. I couldn't be mad at those adorable brown eyes of his filled with tears.
"Taichi baka."
He looked at me in confusion. "What?"
"You honestly think I'm mad at you?"
"Wha...?"
I laughed. "I'm not mad at you, baka. I never was. I just wanted to see your reaction. Of course I'll come round to yours tonight."
"You will?" he said, face visibly brightening.
"Of course. I asked otousan here while I was waiting for you."
He gaped at me. "You knew I was-" Suddenly the first part of my sentence registered, or so I'm assuming, because his face turned bright red as he stared at 'tousan, then he turned and fled the room.
I stared after him, then turned towards 'tousan. He looked back at me questioningly.
"Embarrassed," I explained.
"Ah," 'tousan said.
"I am not!"
"Then why are you hiding out in my living room now that you discerned I'm not mad at you?" I inquired airily.
"Err......"
"No excuse, I see. Uh-huh. I see how you are. Yep. You're embarrassed."
"Shutup, Matt!" Tai warned me, his voice muffled. I peeked my head around the corner and saw his head was buried in the chair, hiding, I guess. "Look, can we just go?" he asked huffily.
I laughed. "Allright, allright. Let me throw some junk together first. Geez, have a cow."
"Sure! Can I name it Fred?"
I just rolled my eyes. My boyfriend was so idiotic sometimes.
+-+-+-+
"Hello Matt, it's nice to finally see you again."
I just smiled at Mrs. Yagami, a little uncomfortable being back in Taichi's house after so long. It was strange to be talking to his parents when they knew what Ken had done to me and also that I was dating their son. Was this how Tai felt sometimes when he talked to 'tousan? If so, I certainly didn't envy him any. This was downright Awkward. Almost like Awkward Silence. I hate that.
Allright, I guess I'm about to start rambling, so I'll shutup now.
"Okaasan, is it allright if Matt and I order a couple movies on tv later?" Tai asked, breaking the silence.
Mrs. Yagami looked at him. "Why of course, Tai dear. Make sure it's something your sister and her friend will be interested in as well."
"I guess that rules out gay porn," Tai whisphered, leaning towards me. I choked back a laugh.
She just looked at us. "What's funny? What'd you say, Tai dear?"
"N-nothing!" Tai said, turning a nice shade of red. "Well anyways, gotta split." He grabbed my hand and began to drag me away while I was busy protesting.
"Aa! Ta-ta-taichi! What are you doing? Taichi, stop! Taichi!!"
He didn't say anything til we reached his room, and that only to answer my question. "Does your legal name read Tai dear on you birth certificate?"
"Shut up! It's not like I want her to call me that. Besides, it's better than having 'tousan call me Taichi, and never once Tai."
"Your father never calls you Tai?"
"Nope."
"Why?"
"Beats me. But sometimes it gets really annoying."
"Hmm.... Taichi or Tai dear...... I think I like Tai dear better."
"Shut up you!"
+-+-+-+
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Tai asked me, frowning.
"My God Tai," I snapped. "You and Hikari are only going on a few quick errands! You're starting to turn into your mother. Just go already. I'll be fine."
"You're sure?" he asked again.
"Damn! Go already!" I cried, resenting the way he constantly worried over me.
"Well, if you're sure..."
"Of course I'm sure! Now go!" I shoved him out the door into the hallway. He bumped into Hikari, who had probably come back up to see what was taking him so long. I closed the door, then turned around, almost bowling Miyako over.
I raised my eyebrows. "Does the term 'personal space' mean anything to you?"
"Nope," she replied, grinning.
"Well, unless you want me to start freaking out, I'd suggest you back up."
She did so obediently, still grinning.
"Why would you freak out?"
"I don't like people getting close to me, unless they're Tai."
"Cos of what Ken did?" she asked, tucking her short lavender hair behind her ears in an unconscious gesture.
I froze. Tai had said she wouldn't talk about it to me.... that was one of the reasons I went ahead and agreed to coming over.
Well, maybe she didn't mean it that way. And I was the one that brought it up in the first place, even if it was indirectly and totally unintentional.
"Yes, because of what he did," I said, somewhat stiffly.
She frowned. "Just what did he do to you anyway? I heard he raped and you and broke your arm, and that he stabbed you, but Ken was one of my best friends, and I can't picture him doing something so cruel. Even if he was the Kaiser."
I was starting to panic. I could tell in the way I was having trouble breathing, and the way my whole body suddenly seemed to go limp.
"So I guess what I'm really asking," she continued on, oblivious to me, "is are you serious about him raping you, or is like those people at school were saying? That you let him, and then when you got scared, you cried rape on him?"
She was one of them...? Oh Taichi.. why did I let you sucker me into this?
"Leave me alone," I whisphered, breathing harshly. "Just.."
she looked at me in surprise. "What? I was just asking. I mean, to picture Ken raping you.. doing all that stuff... get real."
Doing all that stuff...
Well Yamato, someone's been a bad boy, haven't they?
"No, I wasn't... I just...."
Oops. Did I hurt you Yamato? Here, I have an idea that will make you feel better.
"Please don't.."
"Don't what?" Miyako asked, snapping me out of nightmarish memories.
I took deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm down. They didn't help.
"Hey, are you gonna answer me or not? What was it like when Ken raped you? Huh? Did it hurt a lot? I mean, they say virgin girls hurt a LOT when they're raped, but is it the same for virgin guys? That is, assuming you were a virgin."
Oh Jesus, no... leave me alone.. how could she do this to me?
End Part 6:2
Author's Notes: *sweatdrop.. Today's date: March 26, 2002 Tuesday 5:32 PM/Date I began this damned story: Not entirely sure. It's first mentioned in my journal around October, but it already talked about quite few a chapters, so I'm opting September or even the end of August. Anyways, it's been so long since I worked on this thing.. ideas are so few now, and the one I'm working with right now isn't good for very long. *Sigh*
part seven