Unequivocal, Chapter 01
Who knew a single drunken mistake could lead to a lifetime of consequences? Yamato sure didn't think so, but now he's got less than a year to figure out how to be a dad and he's not sure he can. Taito. AU for Tri.
[Digimon] M+, family/drama, 2519 words, published 08-20-16
Those who have read the majority of my other Digimon fics will know this isn't the sort of thing I usually write. However, it's always been a guilty pleasure of mine, so I finally bit the bullet and wrote one of my own. I wanted to note some things first, however.
One, if you've never read my other stuff, a long time ago I made up characters for Yamato's band for my fic Waiting. They are in this, in maybe two or three scenes. You don't need to know much about them or read the other fic.
Two, I tried to make things somewhat accurate regarding Japanese customs such as how the schools operate, taking your shoes off in a residence, etc, but the characters will very much have Western attitudes otherwise. I live in the States, and I figure the majority of readers will also have Western attitudes, so it would be the most relatable.
Three, I have a weird mix of British and American spelling. Sorry if this bugs you.
Four, chapter titles are all named after L'arc~en~ciel songs. There's no real reason for this. The song lyrics have nothing to do with the chapters.
Five, you'll notice both a lot of time skips in this, and that the Taito is somewhat incidental. This is because the fic would be way too long if I went through every bit of Yamato's life throughout the pregnancy and the first year of the baby's life. As for the Taito, it's meant to be incidental, because it's not really what the fic is meant to be about. Which leads us to point six.
Six, before anyone even asks, yes, there will be a sequel. I plan to make it this year's NaNo project. It will be set during Yamato and Taichi's second year of college, and get more into their relationship, as well as all of the difficulties of Yamato having to raise a kid while going to college and being in a band and a serious relationship. You'll also get to see more of the other characters' thoughts and feelings, instead of just Yamato's. I'll be planning it out while posting up this fic, as this one is already finished :D
Unequivocal
butterflie
Chapter One
And She Said
"So what'd you need to talk about?" Yamato asks. He's standing in the cold on the roof of the school, hands shoved in his pockets to try and keep warm, and hoping Megumi talks fast. Overhead, the clouds are heavy and grey with snow, hiding the sun from sight and giving the afternoon a gloomy feel.
Megumi shivers and wraps her arms around herself. "I wanted to tell you this before the term ended for the holidays... I've been putting it off but today's the last day, so..." She pauses, and sighs, reaching a hand up to hook a few stray strands of dark hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. "Yamato... I'm pregnant. Two months along."
He starts and looks at her, the cold weather completely forgotten. "You are? You're sure...?"
She nods and looks down at the ground, seemingly fascinated by it. There's some spilled soda that no one cleaned up, and it's become congealed and sticky. "Very sure. My doctor confirmed."
"You think it's mine."
"I know it's yours. There's been no one else but you."
"Right..." he says faintly. He needs to sit. His knees feel weak all of a sudden. "Can we...?" he asks, gesturing towards the worn picnic tables off to the side. They're the only two people up here, the cold keeping everyone else inside. He wishes he was inside, joking and laughing with Taichi instead of out here with a girl he had no feelings for, learning he'd just fathered her child.
"Yeah," she says agreeably. They sit and look at each other quietly for a moment. He fiddles with a splintered piece of wood on the side, wincing when he accidentally jabs his finger on it. He looks at the drop of blood welling up with a frown. She reaches her hand into her coat pocket and pulls out a clean tissue.
"What do you want to do?" he asks eventually, wrapping the tissue around his finger. "About the baby, I mean."
"I don't want to keep it," she says immediately. "I'm not prepared for a kid right now. I have plans. I want to finish school, go on to university... I like you, Yamato, but I don't want to settle down and I don't really want to date you or spend my life with you."
"Same," Yamato mutters.
"I was thinking of giving the kid up for adoption, but I wanted to give you the chance to be included in the process. It's your kid too, so if you want to help me find someone to adopt or you know someone that's been wanting a kid, I'd welcome the input. And if you'd rather have nothing to do with it, I'll find someone myself and not hold it against you."
"Um..." His mind feels sluggish. It's too cold and he can't think about any of this right now. How is he supposed to know what he wants to do that fast? "Megumi... I'm glad you told me, but I need time to go home and think things over... I don't know what I want to do right now. Is that okay?"
She smiles a bit. "Yeah, of course. I've had some time since finding out to think about it... it's only fair I give you the same. You still have my number?"
"Um... yeah. It's in my cell."
"Okay. Just give me a call when you decide. I should probably get back to class, lunch is almost over. Bye, Yamato."
"Bye," he says absently, and sits there for a few moments after she's gone, paying no attention to the snow that starts to gently fall. Pregnant... He got a girl pregnant. His dad is going to kill him.
* * *
When he gets home that evening after school and band practice, his dad is there, settled down in his red recliner, reading the newspaper. The recliner is old, the fabric worn through in several places, some of the stuffing poking out, and it doesn't match the rest of the furniture, but his dad loves it. Yamato can usually find him in it most nights.
"I'm home," he says, hanging up his snow-soaked scarf and coat before trading his shoes for slippers. I got a girl pregnant, he adds in his head, but he's not stupid enough to say it out loud.
"Welcome home," his dad greets, looking up briefly with a tired smile.
He wonders if his dad would yell, or punish him, or even kick him out. He gives his own tired smile in return and goes to his room. He sets his bag and guitar case down by his desk and immediately lays back on his bed, right on top of the blue comforter he loves, hands pillowed beneath his head, staring up at the spider-webbed cracks in the dirty white ceiling.
He remembers the live where he and Megumi had met. She'd had front-row tickets and had stood there screaming and singing along the entire live, a happy smile on her flushed face. Afterwards, as he and the others had been packing up, she'd come backstage, greeting him shyly and asking if he needed any help. He'd taken it with a thanks, not even minding that she'd snuck past security to get there.
He'd quickly caught on that she had a crush on him, but he'd figured just a few drinks couldn't hurt. How wrong he'd been. He still can't entirely remember how they'd gotten from the party they'd crashed to her apartment, in her uncomfortably feminine purple room. In her bed, with the equally uncomfortable purple sheets. The things she had been doing had felt nice, and had been a nice distraction from all the purple, but he really didn't like her that way. He'd woken the next morning with a pounding headache and a huge sense of regret.
He sighs, thinking about everything. If only he had the courage to tell Taichi his feelings, maybe he never would have wound up with her that night. And now, now she's having a kid and he has to decide if he wants to be a part of that...
A brief knock on his door breaks into his thoughts, and his dad pokes his head in his room, looking a little surprised to see Yamato just lying there. "I'm going to order some take-out," he says. "What would you like?"
He's not hungry at all. The thought of food couldn't be any less appealing right now. He tries to think about what's on the take-out menus they have in the kitchen. "Whatever you want to order is fine," he finally says, giving up. "I'm not fussed."
His dad nods and leaves him alone again. Yamato goes back to his thoughts.
When the food arrives a little while later, he joins his dad in the kitchen, taking a seat at the table. His dad dishes out the food. "Let's eat," he says, and Yamato echoes him, mumbling it. He picks up his chopsticks and takes a bite. The pork, which he normally finds to be delicious, tastes like ash in his mouth. He swallows with a faint grimace and pushes the rest around with his chopsticks.
He doesn't know what to do. Should he tell his dad? If Megumi gives the kid up for adoption, his dad doesn't ever have to know... But he doesn't know if he wants to be involved in the adoption or not. His dad might have advice on that. Or maybe his dad could help. If he didn't murder him first, that is.
"Something on your mind?"
"Huh?" He looks up from the food he'd been staring at and not seeing, the chopsticks stilling in his hand.
"You seem distracted," his dad says, looking pointedly at the table next to his food. He realises he's pushed a piece of pork completely off his plate and on to the table, the sauce spilled in a small puddle around it. Oops.
"Sorry..." he says, fumbling for a napkin and trying to wipe it up. The sauce is sticky, and the napkin just shreds on it. He sighs. "I'm just tired. I'm fine."
"Well, if you need to talk about anything, I'm here."
"I know. Thanks." He tries to take a bite of rice instead, thinking it might taste better, but it's bland and unappetising. He pushes the plate away. "Guess I'm just too tired to be hungry. I'll save this for tomorrow."
"If that's what you want." His dad finishes up the last bites of his own meal, a concerned look on his face.
"Yeah. Sorry." He gets up and grabs the take-out boxes, scraping his food back into them. He puts his plate in the sink and the boxes in the fridge, and grabs a wet cloth to wipe up his mess before retreating back to his room.
* * *
He spends the first few days of winter hols trying to imagine different scenarios in his head.
Scenario number one: Megumi gives up the baby for adoption and he doesn't get involved. He tells her he doesn't want to help, she deals with everything by herself, and he doesn't tell his dad, or his mom or brother or any of his friends. No one ever knows that somewhere out there, he's got a kid, a kid that doesn't know either of his real parents and will never meet him. His dad doesn't get mad at him, he doesn't get in trouble, and everybody's happy. He goes on with his life and settles down with someone and maybe someday adopts a kid of his own, pretending the first one doesn't exist.
Scenario number two: Megumi gives up the baby for adoption and he does get involved. He tells her he wants to help; they meet with potential parents and decide together who the best person to raise their child is. He could still not tell anybody if he wants. Or he could tell everyone and have his parents mad at him for awhile, but then help him in finding decent parents for the baby. He'll know who the parents are, so if the kid ever wants to meet him, or he wants to meet the kid, the possibility will be there. He still gets to go on with his life but he doesn't have to hide the truth.
Those should be the only two scenarios. The second one seems better than the first, but when he thinks about either of them, they both feel as if he'll be ripping a hole in his heart that will never heal over. The first one even makes him feel a bit sick. But what other choice does he have? Either give the kid up and don't get involved, or give the kid up and be a part of it.
Or... hidden scenario number three: Raise the baby himself. Don't give the baby up for adoption at all. Tell his parents, endure their wrath for awhile, and then plead for their help. Somehow figure out how to get through school while raising a baby. Have his son or daughter always in his life, knowing who their dad is, never left wondering what could have been...
When he thinks about this, about keeping the baby, the idea doesn't make him feel so sick.
The more he thinks about it over the next several days, the more he comes to the only possible conclusion for himself: he can't lose his child. No matter how hard it will be, he knows he can't entertain any thoughts other than keeping it and raising it. When he finally comes to this realisation, he feels lighter, and knows he's doing the right thing.
He's able to celebrate the new year with his dad a little easier, and he can tell his dad is relieved to see him in better spirits. Both his dad and his friends could tell something was weighing on his mind over the last few days, but thankfully after a brief inquiry to see he was okay, they didn't press too hard.
A few days before school is to start back, he texts Megumi. I have decided... When can we meet?
She replies back almost immediately. Now is fine...Meet at Moumou in Aqua City? About an hour?
Okay. See you then. That leaves him just enough time to get ready and walk there.
* * *
He walks into the ice cream shop an hour later, looking around uncertainly as he pulls his gloves off. He doesn't see Megumi at first, and wonders if she decided not to come after all, when he spots her waving at him from a small table tucked in the corner. He waves back, acknowledging her, then goes up to the counter and orders a hot coffee. The weather is still pretty cold, and he's chilled from the walk.
He takes his coffee from the girl behind the counter with a smile and goes over to Megumi. "Hi," he greets her, pulling out one of the metal blue chairs for himself. He pulls off his scarf and coat and sets it in the empty seat next to him, along with his gloves.
She smiles, though it seems a bit awkward. "Hi."
He sips at his coffee, relishing the warmth that slides down his throat. He wonders if she'll be okay with his decision, if she'll agree to it.
"So... you said you've decided?" she asks him softly, her brown eyes looking up at him inquisitively.
He nods and takes another sip of his coffee nervously. "Yeah. I... I want to keep it. Raise it by myself. You wouldn't have any part of it, you would sign away your rights or whatever is required, it would be mine... I mean, if you're okay with that..." He realises he's babbling and gulps at his coffee, wincing at the heat.
"You sure?" she asks him.
He nods, fiddling with the rim of his cup. "I've thought about it a lot. I'd never be happy knowing I had a kid out there who I'd never met, and didn't know me."
"If it's really what you want, I'm fine with it. My parents already know, so they're taking me to all the doctor appointments and things... I can keep you updated."
"Thanks, I'd appreciate that..."
"Okay. I know it's still several months away, but if you want to be there for the birth, let me know. We can arrange with the hospital for it when it's time. And we'll have to deal with the paperwork too."
"Yeah. I haven't told my parents yet, but I will... I'll keep in touch with you. Thank you."
She smiles again and stands, picking up the empty paper that was wrapped around her ice cream cone. He doesn't know how she can stand to eat ice cream when it's so cold out. He watches as she throws her trash away and then leaves the shop, never looking back. He continues to drink his coffee, taking his time. Once it's gone he too stands, and gathers his things before throwing the empty cup away and leaving.
Moumou is a real shop in Aqua City, Odaiba, though I have no idea if it was around at the time this story would take place. Regardless, I looked up pictures and a menu just to make it a bit accurate, haha.
Also, I plan to update this every Saturday. There are 10 chapters in total.
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