Endless Skies, Chapter 05

[lunaticxpandora]

Sequel to "Unequivocal." Yamato thought the hardest part of raising his son as a single teen dad was the first year. But he's quickly finding out how wrong he was as he juggles his first year of college, the band, dating, and the terrible twos. Taito. AU for Tri.
[Digimon] M+, family/drama, 9916 (38601) words, published 12-10-16

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Endless Skies
butterflie Chapter Five
Round and Round
"See you tomorrow, Yamato!" Kenji calls, and Yamato just lifts his hand wearily, too tired to give any verbal acknowledgement. His throat's also starting to feel a little ragged after three straight days of laying down tracks for the band's new and upcoming album, and he doesn't want to completely destroy it before they've finished. They've been getting two to three tracks done a day, so he estimates they've still got three or four days left of recording, though he'll at least have the weekend off.

Taichi greets him with a smile when he knocks on the door of the Yagami apartment. "Hey, how'd recording go?" he asks, as he's asked the past two days.

"Fine," Yamato responds, as he's responded the past two days. "Where's Naoki?"

"I think Mom's changing him," Taichi says. "You want to stick around for awhile, maybe watch a movie or something?"

His face is hopeful, and Yamato feels bad for having to turning him down, but he's so exhausted all he wants is to get back home, get Naoki fed and in bed, and then collapse. He just doesn't have the energy to hang out tonight. He shakes his head. "Sorry, I really need to just get home and get us both to bed. I've got an early morning again."

Taichi's face falls. "Still not finished?"

"Sorry," he says quietly.

Taichi tries to smile and shake off his disappointment. "Well, maybe some other time. Work comes first, right?"

"Right. Sorry," he repeats, not knowing what else to say. He feels like he just kicked a puppy.

Yuuko comes up to the door then, a squirming Naoki held in her arms. "Daddy!" he cries, reaching out chubby hands. Yamato smiles tiredly, taking him from her arms.

"Hi Naoki," he says. "Did you miss me?" He winces when Naoki shrieks happily into his ear. "Thanks for watching him," he tells Taichi's mom. "Will you be able to watch him tomorrow as well?"

She smiles at him, while Taichi ducks back into the apartment to grab Naoki's already packed diaper bag. "Of course," she says warmly. "I enjoy looking after him. It's no trouble at all."

"Okay then, I'll be by around the same time tomorrow. Thank you again." He leans down to let Taichi loop the diaper bag around his shoulder, blushing when Taichi gives him a quick kiss, glancing in embarrassment at Yuuko.

"See you tomorrow," Taichi tells him softly.

He nods, and then starts off home.

* * *

They don't finish the recording until Wednesday afternoon. Yamato's relieved, and looks forward to spending some time with Taichi and Naoki finally-Taichi's tried to get him to stay and hang out a few more times, but he's had to beg off each time, too exhausted to be sociable. Even on the weekend, when the band took a break, he found he just didn't have the energy to see Taichi, and barely managed to take care of Naoki. He knows Taichi's bothered by this a little, but he appreciates that he's trying to keep it from showing to Yamato.

Unfortunately, things don't quite work out the way either of them want. He does get to see Taichi on Thursday, as Taichi comes over to the apartment, but it winds up with Yamato sleeping the majority of the day away while Taichi takes care of Naoki. He doesn't even mean for it to happen-he just can't seem to get himself back out of bed after what he intended to be a short nap.

When he wakes up late that afternoon to Naoki's giggles echoing down the hall, there's a text waiting for him on his phone. He fumbles to open his messages, squinting blearily at the words on the small screen.

Don't forget, photoshoot and interview tomorrow at 10:00.

"Fuck," he mumbles, groaning as the message starts to sink in. He can't even get mad at Ny this time, because they had all agreed on it beforehand before confirming with Daichi. He'd just completely forgotten about it. He sighs, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed, brushing uselessly at his wild hair with a hand before going down the hall to the living room.

Naoki spots him immediately, jumping up from his colouring and running up to him with a happy yell and throwing his small arms around his legs in a tight hug.

"Hey, look who's finally awake," Taichi says, greeting him with a grin as he abandons his own colouring.

He just grunts, untangling himself from Naoki's embrace, wishing he were back in bed still. He doesn't want to see Taichi's disappointment when he learns they can't spend time together tomorrow. He really hopes that nothing comes up Saturday, so that they can perhaps finally go on a date. He's so tired that he can't even remember when their last one was.

"There's some leftover lunch in the fridge if you're hungry," Taichi tells him, beginning the arduous task of cramming all the crayons back into their tiny little box.

He raises one thin eyebrow, hardly believing Taichi's cooked, given that Taichi seems to have inherited his mom's skills in the kitchen. Taichi, catching on to his meaning, shakes his head. "It's takeout," he says. "I'm not that crazy."

Yamato would laugh, if he weren't so exhausted. Instead he just nods and goes to sit on the sofa, curling up against one end, head leaning against a pillow and legs tucked up against his body, watching as Taichi continues to pick up his and Naoki's mess. Naoki climbs onto the sofa and sits next to him, as close as he can possibly manage. Yamato allows it, even though it's making him feel claustrophobic at the moment. He feels like a terrible parent. He's been so busy recording the album that he's barely spent any time with his son, taking him over to Yuuko's almost as soon as they wake up, and then feeding and putting him to bed as soon as they get home again for the evening. They'd had the weekend, but he'd mostly had Naoki in his playpen while he took care of laundry and dishes, and their only outing consisted of going to the grocery store. Naoki's handling it surprisingly well, barely throwing any tantrums, but somehow that just makes Yamato feel even worse.

He knows it can't really be helped. The summer hols is the best time for the band, one of the only times they have to get all of this business taken care of uninterrupted, without having to worry about his and Ratsuii's school schedules (not that Ny really did anyway). But he still hopes that it'll slacken off some soon, so that he and Naoki can have a day together without him being exhausted and no fun. He worries sometimes about how things will go in the future, when he's finished with university and able to focus on the band full time, when they've hopefully gone major by then. What will he do when the band wants to go on tour across Japan? What if they get famous enough to tour in other countries? It doesn't seem like the kind of life to raise a child in. But at the same time, he still can't imagine himself in a job like his dad's, still can't imagine himself not being in the band.

"You're quiet," Taichi remarks, glancing back at him, and he catches the worry in both the tone and the look.

"Just thinking," he says.

"About what?"

"The future."

"Dreaming of being a famous world-class rock star?" Taichi asks with a grin, and he shrugs.

"Something like that," he says. He doesn't have the mental energy to get into all his fears and worries with Taichi, not right now, not with Naoki next to him, just happy to finally be cuddling up with his daddy. Which reminds him. "I have a photoshoot and interview tomorrow." He winces at the sight of Taichi's face visibly falling, wishing Taichi didn't take it quite so personally, and then feeling bad for thinking that way.

"It's all day?" Taichi guesses, trying to come across as neutral about it and failing miserably.

He nods. "Sorry," he says with a sigh.

His boyfriend tries for a smile. "Don't be. It can't be helped. Besides, it'll be worth it when you're swimming in money, right?" His laugh comes out awkward, and all wrong. Yamato doesn't laugh with him.

Instead, he just nods again. "Yeah," he says. "One day this will be worth it." He only hopes that's true.

* * *

Somehow Yamato makes it through the photoshoot and interview. He downs a lot of caffeine, and feels a little sorry for the make-up people, who have their work cut out for them to hide all the bags under his eyes and make him look presentable for the camera. The photoshoot is grueling, and when he picks up Naoki, he's once again too tired to stay awhile and spend time with Taichi.

"Are we going to be able to go on a date tomorrow?" Taichi asks hopefully, and he finds himself wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole so he doesn't have to think about how disappointed Taichi always looks lately.

"Daichi booked us for a last minute opening act tomorrow," he explains, feeling like a louse. "We're covering for another band that had to cancel. I'll have to spend the day practising."

"Oh," Taichi says, his smile momentarily dropping off. "Maybe Sunday?"

"Maybe," he says, non-committal. He'd like to, but he already knows he'll likely spend Sunday sleeping. "I'll call you if I can," he adds, feeling guilty for the not-quite-a-lie.

"Of course." Taichi smiles at him, and it seems genuine this time, but Yamato gets the feeling that Taichi knows he'll be waiting a long while for that call to come.

* * *

He takes Naoki to his dad's on Saturday, for a change, and then he heads straight over to Nyusumi's house, where Emi lets him in. Her hair's changed some since the last time he saw her, going from all pink to a black to pink ombre with a bit of a wave to it. He knows this means Ny's hair has changed too. They always colour their hair to relate to each other in some way-how most people don't realise they're twins, he's never understood.

Sure enough, when he walks into the bedroom Ny's hair is no longer the dark blue shade with pink streaks, but is now also an ombre colouring, going from black to a lighter blue, though unlike Emi he doesn't have waves, preferring instead to still pull it back in his usual ponytail. He figures it's good timing, as most of their fans always seem to enjoy seeing what new colour combinations Ny will come up with next, especially when he matches his hair to the casual visual kei style clothing he always likes to wear.

"Hey guys," he greets them, already wishing the night were over with. His apathy worries him a little. He normally loves playing at lives, getting pumped up and energetic for them, and spending the day in a nervous excitement. This will be the third time he dreads playing, and he wonders whether he'll enjoy the live itself once he's on stage.

"Hey, Yamato." Kenji and Ratsuii both smile at him, and he thinks that they both look as worn out as he feels. He can understand Ratsuii, since he has Luna to take care of, but he's a little surprised at Kenji. Kenji's always been the most energetic of them, and always manages to summon up enthusiasm for a band-related project no matter how overworked and exhausted the rest of them are. To see him showing signs of lagging means they must all really be running themselves ragged. He wonders what Ny's reaction would be if he asked to slow it down some. Not good, probably.

Shaking his head at himself, he gets his guitar out of his case, putting all thoughts of anything other than their songs out of his mind. "Do we have a setlist?" he asks, and Ny nods.

"Just a few songs again," he says."We're going to start with Kimi to Iu Kisetsu..."

Like last time, they spend the majority of the day practising as much as possible, barely stopping for lunch-which is takeout that Emi brings them, and they inhale it down as fast as possible. When the time comes for them to leave, they once again pile into Daichi's van. Taichi's waiting for him when he gets there, lurking around the back entrance to the venue, looking completely out of place in khaki shorts and a blue polo, and he raises an eyebrow, a little surprised. He'd told Taichi where he'd be playing, of course, but he hadn't expected Taichi to come, since they would only be playing for a little under an hour. Still, he appreciates the support.

"You didn't have to come," he says, approaching Taichi once they get out of the van.

Taichi just shrugs, looking down at the ground and scuffing his shoe a bit. "I wanted to."

For some reason, this gives Yamato a lump in his throat, and he feels overwhelmed suddenly-he's not only been a terrible parent lately, he's been a terrible boyfriend. He reaches out and pulls Taichi close, holding him in a tight hug. Taichi seems startled by the suddenness of the move, but after a brief pause he lifts his arms up and wraps them around Yamato in a return embrace. "You'll get through this," Taichi whispers to him softly, and he lets out a shaky breath, burying his face into the crook of Taichi's shoulder. Then he pulls away, suddenly embarrassed. He hates when his emotions get the better of him.

"Thanks," he says, and changes the subject, trying to feel composed again. "You wanna watch from backstage or in the crowd?"

Taichi takes a moment to think it over. "Backstage," he finally says. "I'd never make it back out of the crowd once you were done."

Yamato actually laughs at that, feeling a little better now that Taichi's here, though he's still dreading the live. "Okay, come on then," he says. "We'll clear you, get you a pass. You can even help set up if you want."

"Sure," Taichi says with a grin, and they start to make their way inside. Taichi grabs his hand, clasping their fingers together, and merely smiles when Yamato looks over at him. After a few seconds, Yamato smiles back, and tightens his grasp.

* * *

The live goes well. Yamato hates it. It worries him, and confuses him. He still enjoys coming up with songs, he still enjoys singing outside of these past few lives, and when he thinks about leaving the band it feels as if something cold grips his heart, so he's pretty sure he wants the band still, he just doesn't understand why he hasn't enjoyed himself in it lately.

He knows part of it is stress. Dealing with the band seemed easier when they were in high school, especially when they weren't on any labels and could just play for fun. Now, even though it's just an indie label, they're subject to others' schedules and always constantly aware of doing their best and gaining popularity so they can make it big. And add to that the fact that he's in university now, which is a lot more work than high school, and he's got Naoki to take care of...

He doesn't know what he can do about any of that though. He obviously can't just stop taking care of Naoki, and he doesn't want to drop out of university, but he also can't really expect Ny to put the band on hold for four years until he's graduated. They'd never go major then. But he's so worn out with not getting to spend time with his son, with Taichi, with his friends or other family... He just doesn't know what to think.

After the live, Taichi rides in the van with them back to Ny's house. His bandmates are pumped up, gesturing animatedly as they relive the past hour over again. Yamato stays quiet, just glad the night is over and he's going home soon. Taichi merely watches him, holding his hand again, a bit of concern in his eyes. Yamato's reactions after lives are usually more in line with his bandmates' reactions, and Taichi's aware of this. Yamato knows he's probably leaving Taichi feeling a bit unsettled, but he's too tired to try and reassure him.

"Are you going straight home?" Taichi asks once they're standing in front of Mr. Ishida's apartment building, looking up at it. It's dark outside, only the street lamps casting their small glows on their faces, but Yamato doesn't need the light to know that Taichi's face is hopeful, wanting him to say no and to finally spend some time together.

Yamato nods and tries to adopt a look of apology, once again hating that he's having to disappoint Taichi. "I just want to sleep," he says.

"Of course," Taichi says. His voice is easygoing, no trace of upset, but Yamato's not stupid.

"Maybe Thursday?" he suggests. "It would be sooner, but the band's booked up..."

"Sure. Just call me?"

"Of course," Yamato tells him, echoing his earlier words.

Taichi gives him a kiss goodbye then, one that lingers and really makes Yamato tempted to change his mind, to tell Taichi, 'I can stay for an hour.' But he can't. His dad's waiting on him, and he knows he needs to hurry up and get both him and Naoki home to bed before he passes out. He pulls away from Taichi reluctantly, and gives him a small wave before he heads inside the building.

* * *

It's Naoki's crying that wakes him up Sunday morning. Groaning, he lifts his head and looks at the small clock on the table beside his bed, noting that it says 10:00. Usually on Sundays he has Naoki up at nine... He lets his head flop back down into the pillow and stays there for a few seconds, knowing he needs to deal with his son but just not feeling like he has the energy. He's so tired, he just wants to sleep a little longer...

Naoki's wails increase, as if he senses his daddy is awake, and Yamato sighs and throws back the covers. "Okay, okay, I'm coming," he mumbles. He pads down the hall to Naoki's room sleepily, and lifts his crying son out of the crib, shushing him a bit until the little boy calms down. He goes through their morning routine on autopilot, thinking of nothing but how desperately he wants to crawl back in bed.

Once he's managed to get Naoki dressed and fed, he knows he can't deal with his son for the whole day-he's falling asleep on his feet. Feeling like the worst parent in the world, he drags his cell out and dials his mom's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom," he says, not bothering to hide the exhaustion in his voice.

"Yamato? Is everything okay? You don't sound well."

"I'm fine," he says automatically. "Actually, no, can you take Naoki for today? Please?" There's a slightly pleading tone to his voice that he hates, but if it'll get his mom to agree to watch his son, then he'll put up with it happily.

"Aren't you free today?" she asks in confusion. "Don't you want to spend the day with him?"

"I can't," he says. "Please Mom, can you please just take him for today?" He's almost on the verge of crying, and it's humiliating, but he just needs to sleep, he can't deal with anything right now. "I'll pay you whatever you want, if you'll please just watch him for the day."

"Well... okay, honey," she says. "I can watch him if that's what you want. You don't need to pay me, though."

"Thank you," he says fervently, sheer relief washing over him. "I'll have him over within the hour."

He hangs up and begins preparing a diaper bag, throwing whatever he can think of in there. Then he wipes the rest of Naoki's breakfast off his face and gets him down from the high chair. "Come on, big guy," he says. "We're going out."

They do fine until Yamato gets in to his mom's apartment and sets the diaper bag down, thanking her for watching him on short notice. That's when Naoki seems to catch on that it isn't just a visit, and he's being left again. He starts crying and screaming almost immediately, yelling "Daddy 'tay!" at the top of his lungs.

Yamato looks at his son on the floor, tears rolling down his red cheeks and chubby fists beating angrily against the carpet, and knows he just can't deal with it today. "Thanks again, Mom, sorry about this" he tells her, and backs out of the apartment, knowing she'll be able to handle Naoki just fine and hating himself for abandoning him just the same.

Wishing he had the energy to spend his free day with Taichi, he heads back to the station and rides back to his apartment, nearly falling asleep on the subway a few times. Only the guilt of ditching his son keeps him awake, that last image of him as Yamato left the apartment lingering in his mind. I'll make it up to him later, he thinks, letting his head rest again the window. He'll be fine. This will be worth it when we make it big. He knows it's true, knows that once they make it big, he can be sure that Naoki will never be left wanting, but it's still a hard pill to swallow when his son's throwing a tantrum over not getting to spend time with him.

The walk back to his apartment from the station seems twice as long as usual, and he lets himself into his apartment wearily, wincing with fresh guilt as the silence hits him. He knows Naoki should be here, in his playpen happily smashing toy cars together, or at the coffee table scribbling all over one of his colouring books, or running around the apartment playing some pretend game.

"He'll be fine," Yamato tells himself firmly, out loud this time so it'll seem more convincing. "He likes Mom. He'll have fun."

He doesn't believe himself, but he crawls into bed anyway, pulling the covers over him to block out the sunlight. He's asleep almost immediately, and he doesn't wake until it's nearly dark outside, the sky glorious shades of dark blue and purple and red. His clock declares it to be 6:26, and he can hear his cell ringing in the living room. He sits up just as it stops, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and trying to wake back up. He thinks about going back to sleep, just for another hour maybe, but then his phone starts up again, and he lets out a loud sigh of aggravation. "Fine, I'm coming," he mutters. He knows it's probably his mom, wanting him to come get Naoki soon, and he needs to get out of bed and call her back.

Yet he sits there for probably another ten minutes or so, trying to summon up the energy to move. He's so tired still. When he finally does slide himself out of the bed, he moves sluggishly, feeling as if he's trying to walk through water or something. He stares blankly at the display on his cell for a few minutes, before registering that it was indeed his mom who tried calling him-not just twice, but five times. He can only surmise he slept through the first three times.

He dials her number with slow, fumbling fingers, having to start over once when he accidentally hits the wrong button. "Hey Mom," he says when she answers. "Sorry I missed your calls."

"Where have you been?" she demands, and he winces to hear the frantic worry in her voice. "I've been trying to call for almost an hour now!"

"Sorry..." he says again. His brain's working too slow to come up with a valid excuse, so he doesn't even try. "I was busy," he offers instead. "Is Naoki okay?"

"He's fine," she says, calming down some. "He misses his daddy though, and has been crying on and off all day. Neither Takeru nor I have been able to really cheer him up. I think you should come and take him home now, he clearly needs to be with you."

"Right," he says, and does his best to ignore the overwhelming sense of guilt that comes over him. He truly is a horrible parent. "I'll be there soon then. Thanks." He flips his phone shut, and after checking in the bathroom mirror to fix his hair and brush the cotton out of his mouth, he locks up the apartment and begins the walk to the subway station, thinking he'll take Naoki to the toy store and let him buy something. Bribing his son with material goods feels a bit low, but right now he has nothing better to offer. He just hopes it'll be enough for Naoki to forgive him.

* * *

The next three days are an exhausting whirlwind of constantly changing costumes, having makeup done over and over, and being repeatedly told just where to stand. It takes the band two days to record the new PV, and then the next day is taken up with yet another photoshoot. He doesn't understand how there can be so many different music magazines that want their pictures-and new ones every time. Can't they just all use the same ones?

Naoki isn't happy about once again being left with Taichi's mom. He cries every day when Yamato leaves him, and it breaks his heart to see and hear his son's distress. There's not much he can do though, so he just hugs Naoki and heads out. He's not free again until Thursday, and even though he'd love to hand Naoki off to someone again and just sleep, he knows he can't do that. So instead he calls Taichi up and invites him over. It won't be a date, they can't go out anywhere, but he and Taichi have spent so little time together that just having Taichi there will be nice, and he doubts Taichi will complain either.

Taichi immediately attacks him with a long, deep kiss when he pulls open the door. Yamato barely has time to let out a startled breath before Taichi's arms envelop him, pulling him in close. When they at last break apart some moments later, Yamato can only stare at his boyfriend, wide-eyed. He absently notes that Taichi's dressed up a bit, in tight dark jeans and a dark grey short-sleeved plaid button down. He's tamed his wild hair some, and if Yamato weren't so tired he'd probably feel the first flutters of arousal at the sight. He also suddenly feels like a slob, wearing a simple pair of threadbare khakis and and a worn black t-shirt that has small holes in a few places.

"Missed you," is all Taichi says, grinning.

"Clearly," Yamato manages, feeling slightly out of breath from that kiss. Taichi simply keeps grinning.

"So what are we doing today?" Taichi asks as he walks in, even as Yamato goes over to the sofa and settles himself firmly into it.

"Anything that doesn't involve my butt leaving this spot," he says, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. He feels a lot like he did in the early days after Naoki's birth, constantly exhausted and never quite getting enough sleep, except this time he has no crying baby to blame it on. He feels a heavy weight settle onto his lap, and opens his eyes in time to see Taichi's arms wrap around his neck. "Taichi, what-" he starts to say, but he's cut off as Taichi leans in and presses his lips gently against his. He sighs slightly against Taichi's mouth and gives into the kiss, even though he's aware of Naoki in his playpen not ten feet away.

"This doesn't involve leaving the sofa," Taichi murmurs some moments later.

Yamato's tempted, but after a moment he shakes his head. "Naoki's watching," he says.

"So? What's wrong with him seeing a healthy relationship between two consenting adults?"

"I'm not having sex in front of my two year old son!" Yamato exclaims incredulously, giving Taichi a disbelieving look.

Taichi leans away, resting his weight more fully on Yamato's legs, and scratches at his head in confusion. "Who said anything about sex? I was just talking about making out, at least while he's awake," he adds, smirking a bit. After they put the kid down for nap later, though, all bets are off... Taichi's looking forward to that part already. He smirks at his boyfriend again, thinking of all the things he's going to do to him.

Yamato rolls his eyes, easily knowing what's going through Taichi's head. "As tempting as that is," he says, "I need to clean the apartment, and actually spend some time with my son as well. He hasn't seen much of me lately either."

"Yeah, it'd take Mom a good hour or so to calm him down after you left the past few mornings," Taichi says, frowning as recalls the tantrums. "The poor little guy was so upset."

Great, even more to feel guilty about, he thinks. "Well, you've both got me for the day," he says aloud. "So let's do something fun. As long as I don't have to move."

Taichi laughs, and finally climbs off of him, leaving Yamato to breath out in relief as feeling comes back to his legs. "That doesn't leave us a whole lot of options, then. We could watch a movie?"

"Movie!" Naoki yells as his sharp hearing catches the word, jumping up and down in his playpen, although Yamato notes with amusement that his 'v' comes out more like a 'b'-he clearly hasn't mastered his pronunciation yet.

"I suppose that settles it then," Taichi declares, smiling cheekily at Yamato. "The master of the Ishida household has spoken."

Yamato snorts. "That would actually be my dad, as he's the eldest living Ishida."

"Not in this apartment."

Yamato just shakes his head at him, groaning as he heaves himself up off the sofa. "Go get some snacks for us, I'll get Naoki."

"You trust me in your kitchen?"

"You're not cooking anything."

He nearly drops Naoki when he starts to lift him out of the playpen, being more tired than he'd expected still. He's glad Taichi's in the kitchen with his back turned, so he doesn't see Yamato's blunder. Naoki doesn't seem to mind though, just happy to be near his daddy again. He spends the whole movie cuddled up in Yamato's lap, and Yamato tries to ignore the guilt at how much he's neglected his son lately, even if he doesn't mean to most of the time.

When the movie's over, Taichi gets up and carries their snack bowls back into the kitchen. Yamato remains on the sofa, thinking he'll be back in a moment, but then he hears running water and dishes clinking. "What are you doing?" he calls out, loudly enough for Taichi to hear him over the noise.

Taichi doesn't respond for a moment, but finally hollers back, "Dishes!" with just a hint of a challenge in his voice, as if daring Yamato to protest. Yamato does think about it-after all, he didn't invite Taichi over just to do his chores-but finally he decides he just doesn't have the energy for an argument, and if Taichi wants to clean for him, who is he to stop him? Besides, Naoki's still on his lap, and he's not about to make him move, knowing the likely tantrum he'll get. Instead, he closes his eyes and leans his head back into the cushions, thinking he'll just rest for a few minutes.

When he next opens his eyes, the shadows across the wall have moved some, and Naoki's no longer on his lap. He looks around, noting that the living room seems cleaner than it was before he apparently fell asleep, and neither Taichi nor his son are anywhere to be seen.

"Taichi?" he tries to say, but his voice is thick with sleep and all that comes out is a low croak. He clears his throat, and then tries again. He hears a door down the hall shut quietly, and then Taichi's coming back into the living room, looking at him with amusement.

"Hi sleepyhead," he says quietly. "I just put Naoki down for his nap."

Yamato blinks. "You fed him?" he managed, and Taichi nods. Yamato stares at him, trying to process that fact, but his brain's not awake enough. "You cleaned?" he also asks after a moment, and Taichi nods again.

"Before you even protest," Taichi says, "I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to, okay?"

Now it's Yamato's turn to simply nod. "Thanks," he says after a brief pause for Taichi's words to sink in. He lets out a small whoosh of air when Taichi comes over and gets in his lap again, his legs folded at the knees on either side of Yamato, digging down into the cushions.

"Now we can finish what we started earlier," Taichi murmurs to him, before leaning down and claiming his lips.

Yamato's not sure about it, really-he's so worn out still, he just doesn't know that he has the energy for all the things Taichi likely has in mind-but he knows it's been awhile for both of them, with him having been so busy all summer hols already, and so he just goes with it, kissing Taichi back and doing his best to put some passion into the kiss.

Taichi makes a contented little noise against his mouth, pressing harder, reaching up and placing both hands on the cushions on either side of Yamato's head, pushing him back into the sofa, nibbling gently on Yamato's lower lip. After a moment, Taichi pulls away, looking at him, his eyes already heavy with lust, and Yamato wants to feel that, wants to be enjoying this as much as he usually does, but even though he's trying, he's just not.

Taichi doesn't seem to realise though, for he's soon kissing him feverishly again, his tongue eventually darting out to demand entry. Yamato opens his mouth obediently, and lets Taichi taste him, but he finds he doesn't have the heart to get into it, to kiss him back with his usual fierce abandon and heated moans. Taichi stops suddenly, pulling away again and looking at him, this time in concern. "Everything okay?" he asks. "Normally by now you'd be tangling your hands in my hair and thrusting at me..."

"Sorry," Yamato apologises, rubbing wearily at his eyes. "I'm just tired..."

Taichi raises an eyebrow. "Well, I could probably fix that..."

Yamato hesitates. He doesn't know exactly what Taichi has in mind, but he's pretty sure that regardless of what he's planning, it won't work. His dick hasn't even given one interested twitch so far. But he hates to disappoint Taichi, knowing how long he's probably been waiting for this, and especially with the hopeful, puppy-dog eyes he's giving Yamato now. And it can't hurt to at least try, can it? Taichi's a guy too, he's been there, he'll probably understand if Yamato just can't get it to work. "Go ahead," he finally sighs.

Taichi doesn't waste time. He's at Yamato's khakis immediately, undoing the button and zip, fishing around in the slit in Yamato's boxers, pulling out Yamato's dick and swallowing him down almost to the base in an instant. Normally something like this would have Yamato hard in seconds, but his stupid, uncooperative dick remains limp in Taichi's mouth, though his mind is certainly enjoying the sudden urgency Taichi's displaying.

Taichi tries hard, Yamato has to give him credit for that. Any other time, he'd be gasping and moaning Taichi's name, digging his fingers into Taichi's back and letting out a streak of curse words every time Taichi hummed, or swirled his tongue around the head, or took him down in his throat. But no matter how much he wants to, he just can't get hard-he doesn't have the energy to enjoy it.

Taichi seems to understand it's not going to work, and pulls away, letting Yamato slip limply out of his mouth. "No good, huh?"

"It's not you," Yamato tells him, feeling bad that he can't give Taichi what he wants. "I'm just so exhausted from all the band stuff... all I want to do lately is sleep. You know any other time I'd be hard for you in an instant."

"I didn't mean... I'm not blaming you," Taichi reassures him. "If it's not working, then it's just not working. I'm sure every guy has been there. There's always some other time, yeah?"

"Yeah," Yamato says softly, as he awkwardly tucks himself back into his boxers, buttoning up his khakis again.

Taichi slides off his lap into the seat next to him, cuddling up against him. "I'm still glad to spend a little time with you," he says quietly. "You wanna just watch another movie, one that doesn't have to be kid friendly this time?"

"I might fall asleep again," Yamato warns him, but Taichi just shrugs.

"I don't mind," he says. "I can take care of Naoki, and I'll wake you when I have to leave. If you need the sleep, then sleep."

"Thanks," Yamato says softly as Taichi gets up to find a movie and put it in the DVD player. He comes back over once he's got one started, leaning down to give Yamato a gentle kiss before cuddling up next to him again, his head against Yamato's chest. Yamato throws his arm around him and tilts his head down, resting it against Taichi's, just thankful for Taichi's presence.

* * *

The next day finds Yamato free again, and though he's still not his usual self, he at least doesn't feel like he's about to collapse from exhaustion any second. He decides to take Naoki out clothes shopping, as he's noticed the past week or two that the kid has outgrown everything he owns yet again.

"Out," Naoki says happily when Yamato helps him get his shoes on.

"Yes, we're going out," Yamato tells him. He just hopes the good mood lasts.

They go early, so that the mall hasn't yet had time to get crowded with teenagers enjoying their break from school. He keeps one hand firmly grasped to Naoki's, and with the other browses through the racks and shelves of clothes as quickly as possible, knowing how easily his son can get bored. He lets the toddler pick between two colours for shirts every so often, wanting him to feel involved and also just wanting him to be occupied so as to stave off some of the boredom. His brain's still feeling somewhat sluggish though, and he catches himself just staring at the clothes more than once. He can't help but wish that Mimi hadn't gone back to America several months ago-her help would be invaluable right now. Eventually, though, he has a sizable pile of clothing, and goes to find a dressing room.

Naoki's amenable enough to trying on the first few outfits-he especially likes looking at himself in the mirror, grinning at his reflection and reaching out his hands to touch it. He's also fascinated by the thin, faint scar that's now on his arm from his run-in with the coffee table, though it makes Yamato wince every time to look at it. But around the fifth outfit change Naoki starts getting cranky, stubbornly insisting "No!" as Yamato fights with him to pull a shirt over his head.

"Don't you want to see how you look in these?" Yamato asks him exasperatedly, but Naoki just says "No!" again in a loud voice, crossing his little arms over his chest.

"What if I buy you ice cream after this?" Yamato tries, not at all above bribing his kid this time, if it'll get them out of the store faster.

"No!"

Yamato sighs and silently counts to ten in his head, praying for patience. He doesn't have the energy to deal with a grumpy two year old right now, and decides it's not worth the fight. If something doesn't fit, he'll just have to return it later. "Fine," he says. "We won't try anything else on. But you still have to put your clothes back on."

"No! No no no!" Naoki cries, stomping his foot-clearly a tantrum is imminent if Yamato doesn't do something now.

"Naoki, you can't wear out clothes you haven't paid for," Yamato says, reaching hard for patience, but still Naoki refuses, so he breaks out the sternest voice he can manage. "Do you want to go into timeout when we get home?" he asks.

"No!" Naoki wails at him, lower lip trembling and blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Then let me change your clothes so we can buy this stuff and leave," Yamato tells him. He's never entirely sure just how much Naoki understands him, but he at least stops fighting and lets Yamato get him changed one last time. They get through the register quickly after that, and then head back home. It's only when he looks at the clock on the stove that he realises just how long they'd been gone, and figures it's no wonder Naoki started fussing. He should have been eating lunch half an hour ago. Just how much time had he wasted zoning out so often?

"I'm sorry I missed your lunch, Naoki," Yamato says, but the kid just looks at him.

Shaking his head at himself, he quickly sets about fixing Naoki lunch, and then gets him to his crib for a nap. Then he sets his alarm clock and crawls into his own bed for a nap. He doesn't usually like naps during the day, but lately it seems like it's all he's done. For once, though, he doesn't care. He needs it.

* * *

"Yamato?"

"Huh?" He jerks, eyes snapping open as he stares around himself for a moment, feeling disoriented before remembering he's having lunch in a small, casual café in Aqua City with his dad, Takeru, and Naoki. Did he really just fall asleep?

"I asked how you've been doing lately," his dad says, worry visible in his face as he and Takeru exchange concerned glances.

"Oh, sorry," he says. "I'm fine. Really. The band's been doing a lot, you know, taking advantage of the summer hols and all the free time."

"Yeah, you guys are putting out a new album soon, right?" Takeru chimes in, trying to keep the mood light. He's just as worried as their dad, Yamato knows, but he also knows how much Yamato hates to have that kind of attention focused on him. "I get a free copy, don't I?"

Yamato smiles at him, or at least tries to. The muscles in his face don't seem to be cooperating. "Of course," he says. "Don't you always?"

"Just checking," Takeru says with a grin before shovelling a large forkful of food into his mouth.

Yamato remembers then that he has food, and looks down at his plate. He's hardly touched it. He picks up his sandwich and takes a bite, and then also remembers he should be helping Naoki. He looks over at the toddler, who's got a fistful of chips that he's gnawing on, and decides Naoki's fine on his own.

"How's work doing?" Yamato asks his dad, mostly just to be polite.

"Oh, you know how it is," his dad says, shaking his head. "Always something going on with somebody..." He starts detailing his coworkers' latest drama, and Yamato tries to listen, but soon finds himself drifting again. He doesn't fall asleep this time, but it still takes a snap of Takeru's fingers in front of his face to get his attention again.

"Sorry, what?" he asks.

"Are you sure you're alright?" his dad asks him.

"I'm fine," he says, as he always does. "Why?"

"You've barely heard a word Takeru or I have said to you," his dad tells him, and this time the worry is in his tone of voice as well as his face.

"And you've hardly eaten a thing," Takeru adds, looking pointedly at Yamato's still full plate in comparison to everyone else's empty ones.

"Oh," he says. It takes him a moment to realise he needs to say more, to reassure them. He's regretting agreeing to this lunch now, wishing he'd just stayed at home and stuck Naoki in his playpen while he napped on the sofa. "Sorry," he finally says. "Like I said, the band's just been busy. I'm a little behind on my sleep. But I'm fine. Don't worry."

"If you're sure..." his dad says doubtfully, and he nods firmly.

"I'ceam!" Naoki interjects then, looking at them happily, and Yamato frowns.

"No ice cream today, baby," he says. "We need to get back home soon." Before he falls asleep again and worries his family even more.

"No! I'ceam!" Naoki insists with a loud wail, and Yamato just shakes his head. Naoki starts crying then, loud sobs tearing out of him, howling for ice cream still every now and then. Yamato knows he's supposed to be doing something, supposed to be handling his son's meltdown somehow, but he's still half-asleep and not really processing it, so all he does is stare blankly as Naoki starts banging his fists as great big tears rolls down his cheeks.

When it becomes clear that Yamato isn't going to do anything, his dad quickly gets up and snatches Naoki out of his chair, carrying him outside to calm him down. Takeru watches him go, and then turns back to his older brother, who's still sitting there, not reacting. He hasn't seen Yamato this bad off since the first months of his nephew's life, and it's a little worrying. For everyone's sake, he hopes Yamato gets some sleep soon.

* * *

Another photoshoot on Monday has Yamato about ready to rip his hair out and run around the building screaming. What was supposed to be only a couple of hours has instead taken all day, thanks to their incredibly demanding photographer. He apologises profusely to Yuuko when he finally gets to the Yagami apartment to pick up Naoki.

"You may want to start looking into potty training him soon," Yuuko tells him as she hands him the diaper bag. "He's been showing a lot of interest in how the bathroom works, and starts complaining immediately as soon as he needs a new diaper. Those are usually good indicators he's ready for it."

Yamato sighs, making a face. He already has too much else going on, he doesn't want to deal with training Naoki to use a toilet on top of it. But of course he's given little choice in the matter. "Thank you," he tells her. "I'll look into it."

When Tuesday morning rolls around, he sleeps in a little bit, then gets up and takes care of Naoki, finally settling him down into the playpen while he collapses onto the sofa to catch another hour of sleep. When he gets back up, Naoki is thankfully still playing quietly in his playpen, so he goes online and looks up books on potty training, ordering a few and paying extra to have them delivered tomorrow. He knows he could have just as easily gone to the bookstore and picked them up, but he's just too tired to go out today.

The next day the band has a meeting with Daichi, but Yamato doesn't even bother trying to ask someone to watch Naoki for an hour or two. He just grabs up the always packed diaper bag, and heads over to Ratsuii's house, as Ratz had insisted on having the meeting there as he equally didn't want to find a babysitter for Luna, who he had to watch alone today.

"Hey, you brought our mascot!" Kenji exclaims when Yamato walks in, Naoki in tow. Yamato doesn't even bother to banter with him for once, just gets Naoki set up with some toys and then settles himself with the others, ready to get the meeting over with.

Daichi starts with affirming their upcoming release date for their album, along with the promotional video-which is out Friday-and then moves on to some of the things he has planned for them, outlining everything.

"So how does all that sound?" Daichi finally finishes up, looking around at them.

"That sounds fantastic!" Kenji says, grinning widely, bouncing his legs rapidly in excitement, black hair flinging every which way as he looks around quickly at the rest of them. "At the rate we keep going, we'll be major in no time!"

"I'm fine with it, but my schooling is important too," Ratsuii says. His voice is mild, his demeanour calm, but there's a hint of steel to his tone that lets everyone know he's serious. "Mine and Yamato's schedules both need to be taken into account more this term. We are just as much a part of this band, and it's very unfair for you and Ny to schedule things for us without checking that we all are agreeable to it."

"Agreed," Yamato says quietly. "Your scheduling nearly cost me a class this past term." He's glad Ratsuii has spoken up. He's never had too much of a problem confronting people-except when it comes to something that really matters. Had Ratsuii not said anything, he probably would have just sat quietly seething.

"Fine, we can do that easily, no problem, right?" Daichi says, giving them a smile. It comes off as insincere to Yamato, and judging by the frown on Ratsuii's face, he's not the only one to think so.

"We mean it, Daichi," Yamato tells him, giving the older man as serious a look as he can manage.

"Of course! I'll check with all of you!" he says, and then moves on. Yamato and Ratsuii exchange a look. They can only hope their manager will stick to it this time.

* * *

When he gets home a little bit later, he finds his books have been delivered-he trips over the box as he tries to put the key in the lock. Grumbling under his breath at the postman, he bends down to pick it up, and then gets the door unlocked. He slips off his and Naoki's shoes, and then lets the toddler run around while he sets down the diaper bag and opens up the package.

He spends a couple of hours reading through them, interrupting himself to remind Naoki to be careful every once in awhile. At one point Naoki toddles over to him, and climbs up on the sofa, looking at the book currently in Yamato's hand. "Story?"

Yamato lets out an amused snort at the thought. "It's a boring grown-up story," he tells the boy as he closes the book. "You hungry?"

Naoki smiles enthusiastically at him. "Okay, let's go get dinner then," he says, and Naoki follows him amiably into the kitchen, where Yamato begins preparing dinner. Once it's in the oven he goes online and looks up a few more tips, and then calls Naoki back in the room.

"Naoki, do you want to learn to use the toilet like Daddy does?" he asks, and Naoki grins wide, nodding his head up and down in exaggerated movements.

"Okay then," he says, and pulls up a website where he lets Naoki pick out a training toilet of his own. He's just finished up the ordering process when the oven timer chimes, and he shuts down the computer and goes to grab their food out.

They take it easy the rest of the night, and all of the next day. Yamato thinks about inviting Taichi over, but knows he's not good company and it would likely go as well as it did the last time-him sleeping while Taichi cleaned and took care of his kid-and he just doesn't want to do that to Taichi again.

Friday, though, he realises he has no choice but to go out. School is starting back up next week, and he needs some new supplies and a few new clothes for the upcoming autumn and winter seasons, not to mention he and Naoki are getting low on groceries. He gets Naoki ready slowly, dreading the excursion. Not only will Naoki likely get fussy at all the stuff they have to do, but the band's PV is being released today-he rarely gets stopped for autographs outside of school, but there's always that chance.

"Come on, baby," he finally murmurs, and they head out.

To his surprise though, he manages to make it through the day pretty easily. He picks up the stuff he needs while Naoki tags along quietly, content to hold his hand and look around at everything, gnawing on the ears of his stuffed bunny every now and then. He takes them out for a quick lunch after that, and rewards Naoki with some ice cream. Afterwards they head to the grocery store, and Yamato goes through quickly, tossing food into the cart with a practised ease.

It's only when he's leaving the store, his few bags in one hand and Naoki's hand held in his other, that he hears the sound he's been dreading-a high-pitched female voice squealing his name.

A small girl of about seventeen or eighteen rushes up to him, her brown eyes shining. "Can I have your autograph?" she asks him. "I just love your music! You're so talented!"

"Ah, thanks," he says as he awkwardly kneels down to set his bags down, and then takes the CD from her. He fishes around in his pocket for a pen, and then signs the CD's insert and hands it back to her. "There you go," he tells her, smiling politely.

"Thank you so much!" she cries. "Hey, who's the little guy, with that blond hair and pretty blue eyes he looks just like you! Is he your brother? He's so cute!"

He bends back down to get his bags again, and thanks her for the compliment, deliberately not answering her questions about Naoki, then tries to leave. Unfortunately, she follows after him, still talking a mile a minute. "Are you guys having a live any time soon? I saw your opening act a couple of weeks ago, it was great! I'd love to see you perform a full live sometime! Maybe when you have one, you could let me know?"

Yamato blinks as he continues walking, wondering if that's her way of trying to ask him out on a date. "Sorry, we're not having a live anytime soon," he tells her, and takes a moment to hope that's true-otherwise he'll have to kill Daichi.

"Oh, well that's too bad," she says, sounding disappointed. He doesn't understand why she won't just go away already. He can't go home as long as she's following him, not if he wants to keep where he lives a secret, and it's starting to stress him out. "Hey, that place has great coffee!" she exclaims as they pass a small shop. "You want to go in for some? Your brother-he is your brother, right?-he could probably have some cocoa or something."

He halts then, and turns around to face her, looking at her hopeful smile. Naoki lets out a little cry at the sudden movement, but he pays him no mind for the moment even though he hates to ignore him, but he needs to get rid of this girl now, before she finds out anything about Naoki, or his personal life, and decides to spread it to tabloids. "Look, you seem nice," he says, trying to stay calm and polite, "but it's the band's policy to not date any fans." The band doesn't actually have any such policy, though given the amount of fans Kenji has slept with-and to say nothing of how Naoki came about-they probably should, but right now he's willing to make up anything to get her to leave.

"Oh," she says, her face falling, disappointment lacing her tone. "Well, we could keep it a secret, couldn't we? No one has to know."

"I'm sorry, I just can't take that risk," Yamato says. "But there's plenty of great guys out there, I'm sure you'll find someone."

He turns around again to walk off, and is thankful that this time he doesn't hear her footsteps following along behind him. He makes it home quickly after that, and has Naoki play quietly in the living room while he unloads the groceries and puts away his clothes and school supplies. He calls Taichi while he starts dinner, feeling the need to vent.

"You won't believe what just happened," he complains in lieu of a greeting once Taichi picks up.

"Hello to you too," Taichi says in amusement. "What happened?"

"Some girl wanted my autograph-"

"Isn't that normal?" Taichi asks, interrupting him.

He rolls his eyes, even though Taichi can't see him. "It's not that," he says as he pulls out a cutting board and knife. He starts chopping up some carrots, bringing the knife down with a little more force than necessary as he allows himself to get angry now. "She kept following me after I gave her one, asking all these questions about Naoki and trying to get me to go on date with her-I almost didn't think I'd be able to go home because she wouldn't leave me alone!"

"You told her no, right?" Taichi asks.

Yamato frowns. Taichi's voice sounds a bit odd, and he doesn't understand why Taichi would even ask such a question. "Of course I told her no," he scoffs. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Heh, it was a dumb question, I guess," Taichi says, but he still sounds a bit off. Yamato's a little confused, but doesn't have a chance to address it before Taichi's changing the subject. "Any chance we can go on a date?" he asks hopefully.

Yamato smiles a bit as he dumps the carrots in the skillet and grabs out an onion. He's still really worn out, but he's free tomorrow, and he knows he owes Taichi a proper date-they haven't had one all summer hols. "If your mom will watch Naoki tomorrow, we can," he says and laughs when Taichi cheers, shouting out a loud "Yes!"

"I'll ask her," Taichi says then, and then calls off into the distance. "Hey Mom, can you watch Naoki for a couple of hours tomorrow?"

Yamato doesn't hear the reply, but Taichi's second excited cheer gives him a pretty good idea of the response. "So I'll see you tomorrow then? Around eleven maybe?" Yamato asks, pausing in his chopping to hear Taichi's reply.

"Sounds good!" Taichi says cheerfully. "See you then!"

They say their goodbyes, and then Yamato flips the phone shut and gets back to preparing the stir-fry, humming under his breath, his mood lightened just from hearing Taichi's voice.
Blooper 02
After a moment, Taichi pulls away, looking at him, his eyes already heavy with lust, and Yamato wants to feel that, wants to be enjoying this as much as he usually does, but he's so goddamned tired, FUCK YOU MARS.
It's only when Taichi looks at him in confusion, snapping, "What the hell does Mars have to do with anything?" that he realises he's said that last bit out loud.
"Err..." he pauses, scratching sheepishly at his head, wondering how to explain this without sounding like he's crazy. After a moment he realises there is no good way, and sighs. "It's from the movie The Martian," he tells Taichi. "Matt Damon gets stranded on Mars and has to survive alone..."
He trails off, because Taichi is staring at him blankly. After a moment Taichi simply slides off his lap and walks out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. The noise wakes Naoki, and he groans.
Ten minutes later, after he's gotten Naoki settled back into his nap, his phone chimes with a new text. Flipping it open, he looks down at the message to read it, chuckling ruefully after a moment.
Get some sleep, you owe me a blowjob. Asshat. next chapter