Waiting, Book 2, Chapter 9
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: It's not mine. Promise. I've never owned Digimon, much as I wanted to sometimes. Now all I want is to claim true ownership to the movies. But I didn't come up with them, so they're not mine. *sigh* The song is Lost Complex, by ICEMAN.
Author's Notes: Wow, maybe I'll actually finish this thing after all! There were some times throughout the two years writing this when I doubted it... the first time I actually hit writer's block with this, that time when I couldn't write anything, no matter what it was. I'm so glad that's gone, it was such a horrible time I miss my laptop. I don't like working on this on the main computer. My mom might find it. Plus, I don't like working on it when anyone else is home. Too hard to concentrate. So I'm not sure when this will come out. Anyways...
--->Translation:
|Lost my heart There is tonight
|Slow in you There is me
|Just complex only you
|want to know everything|
|tears are in glass distrust and in night stained by blood|
Waiting
Chapter 9-Blinded By Fury
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|Lost my heart koyoi kagiri
|Slow in you boku na kagiri
|Just complex omae dake wa
|subete shitte itakute|
|namida ga giwaku no garasu de chi ni somaru yoru mo|
I slammed the door to my apartment, stalking in and kicking off my shoes angrily. They went flying, one of them popping my sister as she came in to see what was wrong. I didn't care. I was too mad and hurt to care about anything much right now.
"'Oh whoops, Hikari, I'm sorry.' 'That's okay Taichi. You're forgiven.'" Hikari said sarcastically, giving me a small glare.
"Shove off Hikari, I'm not in the mood," I muttered, walking past her and heading towards our shared room.
"Okaeri Taichi," 'kaasan said as I passed by. I didn't bother with a reply, just went into my room and shut the door, locking it behind me so Hikari couldn't try to come in and pester me about what the matter was.
I flung myself face down on the bed and buried my face in my pillow, trying unsuccessfully to stifle the angry sobs that had been threatening to come out ever since I'd left Yamato's. I hadn't really wanted to leave him. After hearing what those bastards Kento and Sento had done to him, I wanted to just hold him and protect him and never leave his side again. But of course that was a rather irrational thing to do.
The other thing I wanted to do was go and hurt Kento and Sento the way they'd hurt Yama. That was probably an irrational thing to do as well, or at the least not a very smart thing, but I didn't care. They deserved whatever I might do to them. But of course my rational side kicked in, telling me that if I gave them what they deserved, I'd be thrown in the slammer and never see the light of another day again. Which would be fine and dandy with me, as long as I got my revenge. Except, of course, I'd never see Yama again. Which I definitely didn't want THAT.
Life just isn't fair.
+-+-+-+
Yamato wasn't in school the next day. I fretted the whole time, wondering if he was okay, if something had happened to him.. Hell, he was a suicide risk, it wasn't unfathomable. Just pretty damn nerve-wracking.
I don't think there was a teacher that didn't reprimand me at least once for not paying attention to their class. Hell, in some classes, I was scolded no fewer than five or six times! But it's not like I was doing it on purpose. I really was trying to pay attention. It's just that, all of a sudden, I'd think some random thought, and then my mind would completely wander back to Yamato. Was he okay? Really and truly? We talked about some pretty heavy stuff yesterday... and of course he finally came out with that nasty little bomb-shell, that it was Kento and Sento who'd almost literally killed him. Although, hadn't some part of my mind already suspected, no matter how much I irrationally protested against that thought? Not that many people truly had it out for Yama. Just Kento and his gang, and possibly still Ken. I don't care what he told Yama, he abused my love and I will never forgive him for that, or be able to trust him about anything again. But still, I was stupid. I guess.. I guess I just kept hoping that it wasn't Kento, that it was a random senseless act of violence perpetrated against Yamato, no matter how awful it had been. Because then... then it would have been easier to deal with, to face. For the both of us. After all, no matter how awful the thought of a stranger stabbing you and beating you senseless is, it's infinitely better than knowing that someone you know hated you that much, and was willing to do whatever it took to wipe you off the face of this planet. Or in my case, they hated me so much that they went through Yamato to hurt me. As much as they hate Yamato, I know they hate me a thousand times worse. Because I ruined their precious reputation.
And knowing how Yamato is about coming out with his feelings, and the fact that he actually did... it isn't hard to imagine him trying to hurt himself in some way right now. Trying to do the job that Kento thankfully failed at. Or Sento. Whichever. They both deserve to die.
"Well, Yagami-san?"
I blinked. Looked up. Sensei was standing over me, waiting expectantly. I gave him a sheepish grin. "Um... sir?"
The class collectively groaned. "Sorry?" I offered.
+-+-+-+
After the final bell rang for the end of the day, I rushed out of school and cut out for Matt's house. I tried ignoring the worrisome scenarios that went through my head. Matt would be perfectly fine when I got to his apartment. He had to be. In no time at all, I was there and knocking on his door. A few moments later, it swung open, revealing Ishida Yamato, present and accounted for. He was perfectly fine.
Thank God, I thought. I grinned at him. "Hey Yamato. What's up?"
He offered me a small smile in return. "Hey Taichi."
"You just gonna stand there and keep me out here all day, or are you gonna invite me in?"
He blushed and moved aside, and I came in. "Sorry. I guess I'm just not thinking straight today."
"S'cool. So, how come you weren't at school today?"
He handed me a coke from the fridge as he said, "I just didn't feel up to going today. What with yesterday and everything.." he trailed off, shrugging sort of helplessly. "Anyways, 'tousan said he didn't really mind. He doesn't like that I'm not going to school, but I think by now he's come to accept it. It's not like I can help it half of the time besides, the circumstances being what they are and all."
"Are you going to graduate?"
"What?" He's confused, as if he didn't expect the question.
I repeated it. "Are you going to graduate?"
He looked away then, perhaps ashamed. Or maybe he was just considering the question, who knows. With Yama it's often hard to tell. "I don't know," he replied at last, quietly. "I've missed a lot of school. Almost the entire year. I might have to repeat third year over again.(3) I mean, the teachers are being nice and all, doing the best they can with my grades so I can graduate, but it doesn’t help that I still miss so much school.."
"Yeah.." I thought about that for a bit. If Yamato didn’t graduate.. That would be pretty awful. He’d have to repeat the whole year over again. He’d have none of his friends in the same grade with him, the younger kids would know this, and probably all about his past anyways. He’d probably be ridiculed. In our school, failing a grade is one of the worst things that can happen to you. Hell, it’s like that practically all over Japan. I’ve never understand why we’re so fanatical about education, but we are. Personally I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
"If.. -If you don’t.. What will you do?"
He still didn’t look at me. "I don’t know. Maybe drop out?"
"But what about..." I stopped. College? Since when has Matt ever expressed a desire to go to college anyways? He probably just wants to be a musician. You don’t need a college degree for that.
"College?" he filled in where I left off. "Guess I just won’t go, huh?" his voice sounded bitter. "I mean, after all, it’s not like I really needed it right? Even if I did want to go..."
I could hear the raw pain in his voice quite well. For once, Yamato was doing a lousy job at hiding his emotions. I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him, comforting him. "Hey, don’t worry, you’ll make it," I whispered. "You’ll graduate, and you’ll go to college. You’ll just have to work a bit harder for it, that’s all."
He didn’t say anything, just gently freed himself from me and walked down the hall to his room. I took a swig of coke before setting it down on the table and following him.
He turned around and faced me right before I entered. "I’m scared to go."
His statement caught me off guard. It certainly wasn’t what I’d been expecting him to say. "What?"
"I’m scared to go now. I woke up this morning and I thought..." he paused for a moment. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Never mind.” Now he was acting more like himself, closing off, not saying anything about what he was feeling.
But I wasn’t going to let him get off the hook that easy. "You thought what?" I asked him softly.
His eyes closed, so I wouldn’t be able to read the emotions within them. "I thought maybe that Kento would be able to somehow sense that I’d told on him. So now I’m scared to go to school."
My fists clenched tightly at my sides, once again in sudden anger. "Damn Kento. I could kill him."
I didn’t realize I’d spoken the words aloud until Yamato opened his eyes again and looked at me, in something rather akin to horror. "Taichi, Don’t you dare! Don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want you getting killed!"
"Heh. Not bloody likely," I murmured.
+-+-+-+
I barely remember anything after this. I’ll try to explain it as best as I can, but everything is such a blur. Blinded by fury.. I was on my way home after leaving Yamato’s. It was dark, and streetlights were coming on. It was sprinkling lightly, a hint of the rainy weather to come soon. It was completely unplanned. Despite what I’d said earlier, I had no intentions of carrying that emotional threat out. It would have been suicide. But I guess you could say fate intervened, because I turned a corner and there they were.
Beating up a kid, actually. A scared little kid who looked no older than twelve. Blinded by fury.. I called out. Kento looked up. I clearly remember his mouth curling up into a self-satisfied sneer as he recognized me. He backed off the kid, motioned the others to do the same. The poor kid was quite badly hurt. Bleeding. Barely conscious. If I hadn’t come along when I did, I have no doubts they would have killed him.
Then.....
Blinded by fury..
Images of Yamato, flashing through my mind.
The hospital. Yamato, looking so pale and lifeless in that bed. So drained, so terrified and broken. So afraid he’d never see me again.
I knew I was going to die.
Blinded by fury.. My fists lashed out.
Is it... really you?
It really is... I’m so glad.
Stabbed.. In the back. And stomach. Multiple times.
Kento staggered backwards, a fist held against his bloody nose.
Murderous eyes glared at me. Blinded by fury.. I moved towards him again.
Taichi...
Taichi...
My fists pounded over and over on Kento’s unconscious body. Barely aware of my surroundings, I was lost in a numb senseless rage of blind fury. All I wanted was revenge. For Yamato, for everything he’d suffered, everything he’d given up, everything he’d lost. Did it matter that Ken had been the one to break him originally? Not really. It was Kento that was breaking him now.
Taichi...
"Taichi! Taichi, stop! Stop it now!! Taichi, You’re killing him!!! Get off!" Strong hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me back. A bloody mess on the ground before me, barely recognizable. Horrified, terrified faces looking at me. Slowly I realize what I’ve done, and what I almost did. Tears are dripping onto my hands. Or Maybe that’s just rain. The wail of a siren is heard in the distance.
Taichi, I love you.
End Part 9
Author's Notes: Um, yeah, I know. This last part was fucked to hell. But you know what? I don’t care. I like the way it’s written, the way it turned out. And there’s not really any significance to the spacing, I just did it that way. It seemed to add to the story more. So, aren’t you proud of me? I got Part 9 done! Part 10 is up next, and takes place.. Well, I’ll explain it in Part 10, okay? And I’ve got the beginnings of an idea for Part 11, so all’s cool for now. (I can’t believe this story is turning out so long! It’s amazing)
3 In Japanese school systems, high school is from grades 10-12, and the students are called 1st year, 2nd year, and 3rd year students rather than the way we say sophomores, etc. Yamato is a senior, or in this case, a sannensei, third year student.
part ten
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: It's not mine. Promise. I've never owned Digimon, much as I wanted to sometimes. Now all I want is to claim true ownership to the movies. But I didn't come up with them, so they're not mine. *sigh* The song is Lost Complex, by ICEMAN.
Author's Notes: Wow, maybe I'll actually finish this thing after all! There were some times throughout the two years writing this when I doubted it... the first time I actually hit writer's block with this, that time when I couldn't write anything, no matter what it was. I'm so glad that's gone, it was such a horrible time I miss my laptop. I don't like working on this on the main computer. My mom might find it. Plus, I don't like working on it when anyone else is home. Too hard to concentrate. So I'm not sure when this will come out. Anyways...
--->Translation:
|Lost my heart There is tonight
|Slow in you There is me
|Just complex only you
|want to know everything|
|tears are in glass distrust and in night stained by blood|
Waiting
Chapter 9-Blinded By Fury
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|Lost my heart koyoi kagiri
|Slow in you boku na kagiri
|Just complex omae dake wa
|subete shitte itakute|
|namida ga giwaku no garasu de chi ni somaru yoru mo|
I slammed the door to my apartment, stalking in and kicking off my shoes angrily. They went flying, one of them popping my sister as she came in to see what was wrong. I didn't care. I was too mad and hurt to care about anything much right now.
"'Oh whoops, Hikari, I'm sorry.' 'That's okay Taichi. You're forgiven.'" Hikari said sarcastically, giving me a small glare.
"Shove off Hikari, I'm not in the mood," I muttered, walking past her and heading towards our shared room.
"Okaeri Taichi," 'kaasan said as I passed by. I didn't bother with a reply, just went into my room and shut the door, locking it behind me so Hikari couldn't try to come in and pester me about what the matter was.
I flung myself face down on the bed and buried my face in my pillow, trying unsuccessfully to stifle the angry sobs that had been threatening to come out ever since I'd left Yamato's. I hadn't really wanted to leave him. After hearing what those bastards Kento and Sento had done to him, I wanted to just hold him and protect him and never leave his side again. But of course that was a rather irrational thing to do.
The other thing I wanted to do was go and hurt Kento and Sento the way they'd hurt Yama. That was probably an irrational thing to do as well, or at the least not a very smart thing, but I didn't care. They deserved whatever I might do to them. But of course my rational side kicked in, telling me that if I gave them what they deserved, I'd be thrown in the slammer and never see the light of another day again. Which would be fine and dandy with me, as long as I got my revenge. Except, of course, I'd never see Yama again. Which I definitely didn't want THAT.
Life just isn't fair.
+-+-+-+
Yamato wasn't in school the next day. I fretted the whole time, wondering if he was okay, if something had happened to him.. Hell, he was a suicide risk, it wasn't unfathomable. Just pretty damn nerve-wracking.
I don't think there was a teacher that didn't reprimand me at least once for not paying attention to their class. Hell, in some classes, I was scolded no fewer than five or six times! But it's not like I was doing it on purpose. I really was trying to pay attention. It's just that, all of a sudden, I'd think some random thought, and then my mind would completely wander back to Yamato. Was he okay? Really and truly? We talked about some pretty heavy stuff yesterday... and of course he finally came out with that nasty little bomb-shell, that it was Kento and Sento who'd almost literally killed him. Although, hadn't some part of my mind already suspected, no matter how much I irrationally protested against that thought? Not that many people truly had it out for Yama. Just Kento and his gang, and possibly still Ken. I don't care what he told Yama, he abused my love and I will never forgive him for that, or be able to trust him about anything again. But still, I was stupid. I guess.. I guess I just kept hoping that it wasn't Kento, that it was a random senseless act of violence perpetrated against Yamato, no matter how awful it had been. Because then... then it would have been easier to deal with, to face. For the both of us. After all, no matter how awful the thought of a stranger stabbing you and beating you senseless is, it's infinitely better than knowing that someone you know hated you that much, and was willing to do whatever it took to wipe you off the face of this planet. Or in my case, they hated me so much that they went through Yamato to hurt me. As much as they hate Yamato, I know they hate me a thousand times worse. Because I ruined their precious reputation.
And knowing how Yamato is about coming out with his feelings, and the fact that he actually did... it isn't hard to imagine him trying to hurt himself in some way right now. Trying to do the job that Kento thankfully failed at. Or Sento. Whichever. They both deserve to die.
"Well, Yagami-san?"
I blinked. Looked up. Sensei was standing over me, waiting expectantly. I gave him a sheepish grin. "Um... sir?"
The class collectively groaned. "Sorry?" I offered.
+-+-+-+
After the final bell rang for the end of the day, I rushed out of school and cut out for Matt's house. I tried ignoring the worrisome scenarios that went through my head. Matt would be perfectly fine when I got to his apartment. He had to be. In no time at all, I was there and knocking on his door. A few moments later, it swung open, revealing Ishida Yamato, present and accounted for. He was perfectly fine.
Thank God, I thought. I grinned at him. "Hey Yamato. What's up?"
He offered me a small smile in return. "Hey Taichi."
"You just gonna stand there and keep me out here all day, or are you gonna invite me in?"
He blushed and moved aside, and I came in. "Sorry. I guess I'm just not thinking straight today."
"S'cool. So, how come you weren't at school today?"
He handed me a coke from the fridge as he said, "I just didn't feel up to going today. What with yesterday and everything.." he trailed off, shrugging sort of helplessly. "Anyways, 'tousan said he didn't really mind. He doesn't like that I'm not going to school, but I think by now he's come to accept it. It's not like I can help it half of the time besides, the circumstances being what they are and all."
"Are you going to graduate?"
"What?" He's confused, as if he didn't expect the question.
I repeated it. "Are you going to graduate?"
He looked away then, perhaps ashamed. Or maybe he was just considering the question, who knows. With Yama it's often hard to tell. "I don't know," he replied at last, quietly. "I've missed a lot of school. Almost the entire year. I might have to repeat third year over again.(3) I mean, the teachers are being nice and all, doing the best they can with my grades so I can graduate, but it doesn’t help that I still miss so much school.."
"Yeah.." I thought about that for a bit. If Yamato didn’t graduate.. That would be pretty awful. He’d have to repeat the whole year over again. He’d have none of his friends in the same grade with him, the younger kids would know this, and probably all about his past anyways. He’d probably be ridiculed. In our school, failing a grade is one of the worst things that can happen to you. Hell, it’s like that practically all over Japan. I’ve never understand why we’re so fanatical about education, but we are. Personally I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
"If.. -If you don’t.. What will you do?"
He still didn’t look at me. "I don’t know. Maybe drop out?"
"But what about..." I stopped. College? Since when has Matt ever expressed a desire to go to college anyways? He probably just wants to be a musician. You don’t need a college degree for that.
"College?" he filled in where I left off. "Guess I just won’t go, huh?" his voice sounded bitter. "I mean, after all, it’s not like I really needed it right? Even if I did want to go..."
I could hear the raw pain in his voice quite well. For once, Yamato was doing a lousy job at hiding his emotions. I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him, comforting him. "Hey, don’t worry, you’ll make it," I whispered. "You’ll graduate, and you’ll go to college. You’ll just have to work a bit harder for it, that’s all."
He didn’t say anything, just gently freed himself from me and walked down the hall to his room. I took a swig of coke before setting it down on the table and following him.
He turned around and faced me right before I entered. "I’m scared to go."
His statement caught me off guard. It certainly wasn’t what I’d been expecting him to say. "What?"
"I’m scared to go now. I woke up this morning and I thought..." he paused for a moment. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Never mind.” Now he was acting more like himself, closing off, not saying anything about what he was feeling.
But I wasn’t going to let him get off the hook that easy. "You thought what?" I asked him softly.
His eyes closed, so I wouldn’t be able to read the emotions within them. "I thought maybe that Kento would be able to somehow sense that I’d told on him. So now I’m scared to go to school."
My fists clenched tightly at my sides, once again in sudden anger. "Damn Kento. I could kill him."
I didn’t realize I’d spoken the words aloud until Yamato opened his eyes again and looked at me, in something rather akin to horror. "Taichi, Don’t you dare! Don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want you getting killed!"
"Heh. Not bloody likely," I murmured.
+-+-+-+
I barely remember anything after this. I’ll try to explain it as best as I can, but everything is such a blur. Blinded by fury.. I was on my way home after leaving Yamato’s. It was dark, and streetlights were coming on. It was sprinkling lightly, a hint of the rainy weather to come soon. It was completely unplanned. Despite what I’d said earlier, I had no intentions of carrying that emotional threat out. It would have been suicide. But I guess you could say fate intervened, because I turned a corner and there they were.
Beating up a kid, actually. A scared little kid who looked no older than twelve. Blinded by fury.. I called out. Kento looked up. I clearly remember his mouth curling up into a self-satisfied sneer as he recognized me. He backed off the kid, motioned the others to do the same. The poor kid was quite badly hurt. Bleeding. Barely conscious. If I hadn’t come along when I did, I have no doubts they would have killed him.
Then.....
Blinded by fury..
Images of Yamato, flashing through my mind.
The hospital. Yamato, looking so pale and lifeless in that bed. So drained, so terrified and broken. So afraid he’d never see me again.
I knew I was going to die.
Blinded by fury.. My fists lashed out.
Is it... really you?
It really is... I’m so glad.
Stabbed.. In the back. And stomach. Multiple times.
Kento staggered backwards, a fist held against his bloody nose.
Murderous eyes glared at me. Blinded by fury.. I moved towards him again.
Taichi...
Taichi...
My fists pounded over and over on Kento’s unconscious body. Barely aware of my surroundings, I was lost in a numb senseless rage of blind fury. All I wanted was revenge. For Yamato, for everything he’d suffered, everything he’d given up, everything he’d lost. Did it matter that Ken had been the one to break him originally? Not really. It was Kento that was breaking him now.
Taichi...
"Taichi! Taichi, stop! Stop it now!! Taichi, You’re killing him!!! Get off!" Strong hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me back. A bloody mess on the ground before me, barely recognizable. Horrified, terrified faces looking at me. Slowly I realize what I’ve done, and what I almost did. Tears are dripping onto my hands. Or Maybe that’s just rain. The wail of a siren is heard in the distance.
Taichi, I love you.
End Part 9
Author's Notes: Um, yeah, I know. This last part was fucked to hell. But you know what? I don’t care. I like the way it’s written, the way it turned out. And there’s not really any significance to the spacing, I just did it that way. It seemed to add to the story more. So, aren’t you proud of me? I got Part 9 done! Part 10 is up next, and takes place.. Well, I’ll explain it in Part 10, okay? And I’ve got the beginnings of an idea for Part 11, so all’s cool for now. (I can’t believe this story is turning out so long! It’s amazing)
3 In Japanese school systems, high school is from grades 10-12, and the students are called 1st year, 2nd year, and 3rd year students rather than the way we say sophomores, etc. Yamato is a senior, or in this case, a sannensei, third year student.
part ten