Waiting, Book 2, Chapter 10
The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. Do I care? Not really. I’ve lost my desire to own the show. So, Toei Animation can keep it. I’m sure they’re happy. Paying for all those lawyers must have been getting expensive. Song is Velvet Underworld, from Weiss Kreuz.
Author’s Notes: Well, here we are with part ten. What fun! Yeah, I’m being a bit sarcastic. Anyways, this part picks up where we left off in part 8, after Yamato told Taichi about Kento. Like Part 9, this part will be fairly short. (That’s because I’m running short on ideas for this.. Hopefully this should be wrapped up in another ten parts or so.) But anyways, I always manage to make these long, don’t I? Sorry. So without Further ado, part 10.
--->Translation:
|the worlds flower like a carpet of crimson red
|as one scatter and toss through the air
|sorrow and sadness are born there
|from the darkness underneath
|ah, are hearts only meant to lie?
|are people just puppets of fate|
Waiting
Chapter 10- An Unintentional Lie
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|shinku no juutan ni nita
|kono yo hana wa mina omote
|sono shita ni nagareru yami
|kanashimi wa soko kara umare
|aa, kokoro sae itsuwatte ikiru no ka?
|hito wa sadame ni ayatsurareru dake|
For a long time after Taichi left (He was reluctant to go - So I threatened him), I sat there on my bed, silent, tears still leaking out of my eyes. I barely noticed them. Memories I had shoved away were now taking their revenge on me and bouncing around in my mind.
Dimly my mind registered the slam of the door, and ‘tousan’s voice calling “Tadaima!”
I don’t recall him leaving, but he must have. “‘ka’ri,” I responded listlessly. I wonder if he even heard it. Probably not. Then he knocked on my door.
“Come in.”
He opened the door, his face furrowing in a mixture of surprise and concern when he realized I’d been crying. “Matt? Are you alright?”
I shook my head.
“Oh.... Well, I brought home some take-out. It’s sushi. Do you want some?”
Ask me what’s wrong! My mind screamed at him. Why can’t you ever ask me anything?! Out loud, however, I just said, “Not right now, thanks. Maybe later.”
He paused for a moment, perhaps trying to decide whether or not he wanted to say anything else. I guess not, because he just said okay and walked out. I watched him walk away and didn’t say anything.
I should have. I should have told him, right then and there, when it was still fresh in my mind.
But the pain was still too raw, Too.... Painful. For a lack of better word. Heh. Maybe I could tell him a little bit later. Or maybe I just wouldn’t tell him at all. Or at least not any time soon. I wasn’t really sure. I mean, on the one hand, he did deserve to know. He was my father after all, and though he had a hard time showing it, I knew that he loved me. He always had, and no matter what happened to me, he’d continue to love me. He didn’t care what kind of person I was. He told me, while I was still in the hospital, “Yamato is Yamato. No matter what happens to you, no matter what kind of person you are or become, You’ll always be Yamato to me.” It was rather sentimental and completely unlike him, but I suppose almost losing your son again would do that to a person.
So I know that he really cared about me, that he was worried, and he just wanted to help me, for me to get better. But that still didn’t change anything. Didn’t make it any easier to talk about. And I’ve always had trouble talking to ‘tousan anyways. That’s half the reason it took so long for me to tell him about Ken.
“I hate this,” I murmured. With a sigh, I slid off my bed and headed towards the kitchen. Might as well eat, though I wasn’t really hungry.
‘tousan looked up as I walked in. He motioned towards the cartons of food on the table. “Sushi?”
I nodded and went to get a plate.
“So where’d Taichi go?” he asked me as we were sitting down eating. I swallowed a bite of unagi before saying, “He went back home. He has to go to school tomorrow.”
“So do you,” ‘tousan pointed out.
I looked away. “I.. I don’t want to. Do I have to?”
A sigh. “Matt.... you’ve already missed so much school this year. You can’t afford to keep missing so much. Don’t you want to graduate?”
“I.. I’m scared to go,” I told him softly.
“Scared? Why?”
This was it. I had to tell him, the way I’d told Taichi. But then again, what could ‘tousan do about it? Even if he took it to the cops, they wouldn’t be able to prove anything. It would be my word against Kento’s. No evidence, no proof of any kind. And I’m emotionally unstable anyways. My word couldn’t be trusted. But, he was my father.... Even if couldn’t do anything, wouldn’t it ease his mind just the tiniest bit, to know who had it out for his son? (Everyone, seemingly.)
“Matt?”
I looked at him. “Because... because,” I hesitated. Once again I felt a few tears. I was crying. I seemed to be doing that a lot these days. “Because the people who, who hurt me.. they’re there.”
“The people who hurt you? The ones who almost ki-“
“Yes,” I said, cutting him off. I didn’t want to hear that, didn’t want the reminder of my near death. “It was that gang.. the one that jumped Taichi and me that time.”
“Matt..” ‘tousan wasn’t quite sure what to say, it seemed.
“You don’t have to say anything, Otousan. It’s just.. please don’t make me go tomorrow. I’ll go Tuesday if I have to, but just not tomorrow.”
He sighed. “Alright. You can stay home tomorrow. And Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
I was confused. What did ‘tousan have to be confused about? “Sorry? What for?”
“About that gang.. if I hadn’t said such horrible things that day.. so I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, and I don’t blame you. Okay?”
A long moment of silence. “Okay.”
+-+-+-+
I woke the next day about twelve. I didn’t feel a bit rested. I hadn’t ever since that first day when Ken raped me. But last night had been particularly bad. The times I actually managed to fall asleep were filled with horrible nightmares. Several times I woke up screaming or near screaming. A couple of times I even woke up ‘tousan. I felt kind of bad about that, but it wasn’t as if I’d done it on purpose, and he assured me he didn’t mind.
Yawning, I wandered into the kitchen looking for something to eat, but I didn’t find much. There was leftover sushi, but I’ve never found sushi very appetizing after it’s been sitting in the fridge overnight. There was some cereal, but the only milk we had had this nasty film of... something sitting on top. I threw the milk out, gagging slightly at the smell. Yep, definitely bad. There was also something green and fuzzy sitting in the fridge. For some reason, it made me think of the time we’d had that moldy food Takeru found.. I remembered him eating it and making such a face.. we’d both laughed about it.
Suddenly I missed Takeru. Okay, I know I just saw him Thursday, but it’s been such a long time since I’ve really got to see him, and hang out with him. However, he’s in school right now, and I’m sure he’s busy with his own life and his own boyfriend.
I wondered if this was the way it was always going to be from now between me and him. A few moments spent together at most, exchanged greetings when we ran into each other, an occasional phone call when one or the other found time to call. Probably. After all, I’d soon be off living my own life, at college (hopefully), and then grown up and on my own, while Takeru would be busy finishing off his own high school years. We’d barely have time for each other. The thought hurt. But maybe that’s what growing up was. The most time we’d get to see each other would be when we got back together for holidays.
Growling slightly for allowing myself to become so melancholy, so pessimistic, I went in the living room and watched tv for a few hours, blocking out all thought in my mind and going numb.
When a knock sounded on the door around three, I jumped up in a panic, only then realizing I must have fallen asleep while watching tv. I looked around, somewhat disoriented and confused. What had woken me?
Then another knock came, and I shook off my confusion and went to open it. Taichi was standing there looking at me, a look of slight relief on his face. I don’t think he was even aware of it. He grinned at me. “Hey Yamato.”
I tried smiling back at him, but I don’t think I succeeded very well. “Hey Taichi.”
+-+-+-+
I was worried. I had been, ever since Taichi left. I was beginning to think I shouldn’t have told Taichi about Kento. Ever since I did, he keeps talking about how he could kill them. I guess I was just afraid he’d actually make good on that threat. He was pretty pissed at them when he left here.. and Taichi’s not exactly known for thinking before he acts. He does things rashly. Sometimes I think his motto ought to be “Act first, think later.” because that’s what he does a lot of the time. He always got us into trouble by doing that in the Digital World. And if he goes and searches out Kento, or runs into them out there...
Maybe I’m worrying for no reason.
I glanced at the clock. Plenty of time. Taichi would be home by now. Just to set my mind at rest, I picked up the phone and dialed the Yagamis number.
Hikari answered. “Moshi moshi, Yagami residence. Yagami Hikari.”
“Hikari, it’s Matt.”
“Oh hi Matt. You looking for Taichi?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s not here. Should I tell him you called?”
I felt myself go weak; I almost dropped the phone. My body was suddenly cold and numb.
“Matt?” Hikari said. “Matt, are you still there?”
“Um, yeah,” I whispered. I cleared my throat. “Sorry.” I paused to think for a moment. “Hikari, can you do me a favor?”
“Sure. What do you need?”
“Find Taichi for me, will you?”
“Find him?” she asked, confusion in her voice.
“He was just here not too long ago. He left, but he should have been home by now. I’m afraid he might have gone after the people who hurt me. They’re a ruthless gang.”
“Oh my god,” she whispered.
“Yeah. So could you please find him, or get Koushiro or someone to?”
“I - yes. I’ll do it right now. I’ll call you soon, Matt, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks. Bai.”
“Bai.” She hung up.
Damn, damn, damn, “DAMN! Dammit, Taichi,” I moaned. “Why do you do this to me? I hate worrying about you...”
It was a long time before Hikari called me back. I hadn’t moved from where I’d slid to my butt, my back against the wall, after hanging up the phone. I probably had gone numb about an hour ago. Possibly even longer, I’d lost all track of time. I was too damned worried about Taichi, and with each passing minute, it was only more likely that he’d gone off in search of Kento and became real bad tangled up with them. I’d even begun to entertain the possibility that he’d been killed, much as it hurt me to think about that.
The shrill jangling of the phone broke the silence, and I jumped. Stiffly I got to my feet and tried to ignore the feeling of the pins and needles tingling all over my body. I reached out and answered the phone. “Mo-Moshi moshi, Ishida residence.”
“Matt.” It was Hikari’s voice. For a moment I felt nothing but relief, but it was quickly replaced by anxiety.
“Hikari, did you find him?” I asked urgently.
“Well, no-“
“NO?!”
“I mean, I didn’t find him, but Jyou did.” She stopped. The news wasn’t good. Shit.
“Is he.. uh.. is he..”
“He’s fine. He’s at the hopsital. I am too. Look Matt, it’d take too long to explain, so you should probably come down. Can you make it?”
“Umm..” I glanced at the clock. It was seven. It could be hours before ‘tousan was home. I wonder if he’d leave work if I called him. “Hikari, can you call me back in fifteen minutes?”
“Sure. I’ll call soon.”
“Thanks.” I hung up, then reset the phone and dialed ‘tousan’s work number.
Some guy answered, and I asked for Ishida Masaharu; I was put on hold. Please, please, pick up soon, I thought. I don’t have much time.
“Ishida.”
“Otousan!” Oh yeah, that was real intelligent.
“Matt? Is that you?”
“Yeah. Otousan-“
“Are you okay? Why are you calling?” He sounded concerned, and for some reason I was absurdly pleased.
“Otousan, I need a ride to the hospital. Right now.”
“Are you hurt?”
“No. It’s a long story, and I don’t even know all of it yet. Hikari wants me to meet her at the hospital, and I need a ride. Can you take me? Right now?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll be right there.”
Almost right after I hung up with him, Hikari called back.
“Hikari. I’ve got a ride. I can be there in about twenty or thirty minutes. Where do I meet you?”
“Right out front. Listen, Taichi’s fine, and he’ll be waiting with me. But Matt....”she trailed off, and I prompted her to continue.
“But?”
“Well, there are tons of cops around here... It’s crazy.”
I frowned. “I don’t understand. Why is the police there?”
“It’s a long story, Taichi and I will explain it when you get here. I have to get off the phone, some lady keeps glaring at me.”
“Alright. I’ll see you guys soon, I guess.”
+-+-+-+
I didn’t even wait for ‘tousan to stop the car, I just flung open the door and jumped out, looking around frantically for Hikari and Taichi. I didn’t see them. However, I did see cops. Lots and lots of cops. Unbidden, my mind flashed back to Ken’s arrest. I had been present, I insisted on it. There’d been lots of cops swarming around his apartment then too. There! Taichi! I ran over to him, tossing a harried goodbye over my shoulder to ‘tousan, who was looking rather confused at the scene before him.
“Yamato!” Taichi met me halfway, Hikari just behind him.
“Taichi, what’s going on? Why are you here, and what’s with the cops? I don’t understand!” To say my nerves were a little frayed would have been a rather drastic understatement.
He gave me a traditional sheepish Taichi grin, and it calmed me ever so slightly. If he was able to grin like that, then things couldn’t be as bad as they looked. “Let’s go and talk in the waiting room. There’s one reserved just for us, and we can kick my parents out. Sound good?”
“Whatever.”
I followed him and Hikari to their waiting room, which was located on the fourth floor, near the room I always stayed in. The Yagamis were there when we entered, and they looked scared and confused and very exhausted. They stood when Taichi came in, and looked at him expectantly. He just shrugged. “I need to talk to Yamato for a bit. Can you two go to the cafeteria or something for a bit?”
They just nodded and left without a word. I blinked. Odd.
“They’re a little mad at me,” Taichi attempted to clarify. This made no sense to me, though.
After we sat down and situated ourselves, I looked at Taichi and Hikari. “Okay, I want an explanation, and I want it to go in chronological order. So Taichi, tell me what happened after you left my place.”
“I was hoping I’d get to go last,” he murmured. I gave him my sternest look. “Okay, okay,” he relented with a sigh, and looked away.
“I was mad when I left your house. You knew that.”
I nodded.
“But I swear Yamato, I had only planned to go home. That’s all I was thinking of.”
I felt my stomach twisting into knots. Whatever was coming next was pretty bad.
“To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much,” he said quietly. “It was just like, I was walking, and all of a sudden they were just.. there. I didn’t go search them out. Kento was beating up some little kid pretty badly. He looked so young.. about eleven or twelve. He was really hurt. I guess.. I just kind of lost it.” And here was the sheepish Taichi grin again. “I called out to Kento, and then.. I don’t know. I was just.. I started beating him up. A lot. I don’t know for how long. All I could think of was you, in the hospital, and telling me who hurt you, and telling me you loved me. The doctor telling me how badly you’d been hurt. Every time I thought of you getting hurt, it only made me angrier. Then Jyou showed up, and he pulled me off Kento, and I looked down. It was scary. I barely recognized him. All I could see was blood. The kid they’d been beating up was gone. Sento and Tetsuya and Ayashi were just standing there, staring at me and terrified out of their minds. I heard an ambulance. I guess Jyou called for it.”
“What happened after that?” I asked, swallowing hard.
He glanced at me briefly, then resumed staring at the wall. “I don’t know. I passed out when the ambulance arrived.”
I looked to Hikari for answers. “I don’t know everything,” she warned me. “I called Jyou right after you called me, and an hour later he called back from the hospital. Told me he’d found Taichi, things were complicated, and he needed to speak to otousan. So I gave the phone to them, and soon we headed to the hospital. Jyou had left, and Taichi was conscious when we got here. Cops were everywhere. Doctors were running around. Kento was unconscious, and he’s listed as critical. His mom and brothers are here somewhere. Taichi explained everything to us, and then I called you, and now we’re just here waiting for Kento to be listed as stable.”
I didn’t want to ask it. I didn’t want to know the answer. But I had to. I had to know. “If...” I couldn’t say it. The words stuck in my throat.
Perhaps Hikari saw it in my eyes. “What happens if Kento dies?”
I nod, watching Taichi for a reaction. A barely perceptible flinch. If I hadn’t been looking, I wouldn’t have seen it.
“Then Taichi could be charged with 3rd degree murder.”
No one said anything after that for awhile.
+-+-+-+
A few hours later found myself still at the hospital with Taichi and Hikari. I could have gone home hours ago --after all, it wasn’t my life on the line here-- but I chose to stay with them anyways. Really, it’s a no-brainer. I was terrified for Taichi. I didn’t know what would happen to him, and I kept hoping that Kento would live, a fact I found rather ironic, all things considering.
I was bored, there wasn’t really anything to do, and I was tired of sitting. “I’m gonna go wander around the hospital for a bit, stretch some. I’ll be back soon, okay?”
Taichi nodded, I got no other acknowledgement.
Shrugging, I stood and left the room. I walked aimlessly down the halls, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I hate hospitals, and wanted no reminder that I’d just spent the past three and a half hours in one. I was sick of them. I’d seen enough of hospitals in the past year. After I’d been taken off suicidal watch and released, I’d hoped that it would have been the last time. Yet here I was again.
I sighed, turning a corner in the hall. Almost immediately I collided with another person. It knocked me backwards, and I stumbled a bit before regaining my balance.
I opened my mouth to apologize; all words flew when I got a look at the poor person rubbing his nose.
“Kenji?”
He looked at me. Frowned. Looked away. “Hi Matt,” he said simply.
I was majorly confused. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he replied, neatly evading my question.
“I’m waiting with Taichi. It’s a long story. Answer my question.”
“Well.....”
I was about to push him to go on when another voice interrupted us. One that stopped me cold.
“Hey asshole, your mama wants you.”
Slowly I looked past Kenji to see the other teen standing just behind him. I didn’t want to look. I felt like I’d just been tossed in the middle of someone else’s nightmare. Sento was standing there just behind Kenji, sneering at him. I swallowed, hard. “No,” I whispered.
Kenji flinched as I spoke. He wasn’t looking at me. Or Sento.
Sento noticed me when I spoke. He glared at me, then smirked. “Ishida. Such a surpise to see you here.”
I didn’t respond, I heard the unspoken word in that sentence. Alive.
He treated me to another smirk, then disappeared back into whatever room he came out of. I looked at Kenji, who was now looking at me oddly. It was only then I realized I had been whimpering and shaking ever so slightly. I willed my body to stop, but the shakes refused.
“Kenji?” I winced when I heard myself, my voice was broken and very high-pitched. I sounded terrified. Small wonder.
Kenji stiffened when I said his name, but said nothing.
“Kenji, look at me dammit!”
He did, as slowly as I’d looked at Sento earlier.
“Kenji, why are you here?” Please, let them be distant cousins or something. Let them be barely related, if at all. Please. I was only fooling myself. If they’d been only distantly related, Kenji would be at home.
He still didn’t respond, just stared at me, not wanting to admit his relation to the gang who had almost killed me (not that he knew that little tidbit, but he knew I’d had a run-in with them before).
“Please,” I begged him.
“Matt, I’m sorry,” he finally said, and his voice cracked as he said it.
“You’re related to them, aren’t you?”
“Brothers.” The word was spoken very quietly, so soft I almost didn’t hear it. Just the same, it knocked the world out from under my feet. Literally.
Kenji didn’t offer to help me up, just looked at me as I sat there on the floor, unable to get up, all my strength gone after his bombshell. “I have to go,” he said. Then he turned and left.
I managed to crawl to a bathroom and throw up.
+-+-+-+
Taichi looked up when I entered the private waiting room half an hour later. I was very pale, and not very steady on my feet. But if he noticed, he didn’t say anything.
“I have to go home. Right now,” I blurted out, then winced. Shit. I hadn’t meant to say that. So much for my plan of pretending everything was cool.
“Alright. Thanks for staying here with me Yama,” he replied, smiling at me. “Call me tomorrow?”
I nodded. I didn’t open my mouth. I felt sick again. Instead, I just gave a little wave, then turned and went down to the lobby, where ‘tousan was waiting. I’d called him earlier.
“Are you okay?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.
I shook my head no, and we rode home in silence. Halfway there, the shakes hit again. ‘Tousan had to help me into the apartment, and once there I went straight to the bathroom and was promptly sick again.
One of my best friends was brother to the two guys who wanted me dead. Brother to the two guys who almost killed me. Why had he kept this from me? Did the other guys know? Had he ever planned on telling me?
‘Tousan helped me to my room and tucked me in bed, like he had done when Takeru and I were little and still living in the same house. He smoothed back the hair from my forehead, and the touching gesture brought tears to my eyes. I only just managed not to actually cry, I didn’t want to upset him further. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked me.
“No.” I waited. Just once, I thought. Please just this once ask me. Be a father to me this one time. I need you.
He didn’t say anything else for a long while. But I waited him out, hoping he’d ask me. Hoping he’d sense how badly I needed him right now.
I don’t know if he somehow heard my thoughts, or if my face gave it away, or what, but he broke the silence with his question. “So what happened?” It was music to my ears. I could have hugged him then and there, except that I was still feeling too weak to move.
“It’s complicated,” I responded happily. Not that I was happy about the situation or anything, it was just.. well, you know.
"I'm listening."
"Well, I told Taichi Sunday about Kento and Sento."
"That gang?"
"Yes. And today he came to see me after school. And he was still really mad about it. Then apparently he ran into them on the street on the way home. He said they were beating up some eleven or twelve year old boy. And that he lost it. I was worried about him when he left, so after enough time passed, I called his house. Hikari said he wasn’t there. I asked her to find him, and she sent Jyou after him. Jyou found him and stopped him. He called an ambulance. Hikari calls me back from the hopsital two hours and doesn’t explain anything. That’s why I had you rush me there. I thought maybe Taichi had been hurt. But I get there, and Taichi’s fine. There are cops all over the place. Taichi beat Kento unconscious. He’s listed as critical. If he dies, then Taichi could be indicted and charged with a lesser degree of murder, and probably numerous counts of assault. So we wait three hours. No change. I’m tired of sitting, so I walk around the hospital a bit. I bump into Kenji.” “He’s in your band, right?”
“Yeah. He’s backup vocals and the other guitarist. So I ask him what he’s doing there, right? Cos I didn’t expect to see him.” My voice is slowly rising as I speak, and I try to calm myself some. I swallow. “He looks like he really doesn’t want to see him, and he doesn’t really answer me. And then Sento shows up right behind him. Sento is the one that stabbed me.” I pause to rub my eyes, trying not to flash back on that. I only half suceed.
“Anyways,” I went on. “Sento and Kento are twins, and I’ve known of them for years. They’re the most feared gang in most of Odaiba and a few other places, and the only gang at our school. And today I find out for the first time that Kenji is their young brother, even though I’ve known Kenji since we were twelve. I got sick.”
He’s silent for a bit, as if he didn’t quite know what to say. “Kenji never told you this before?”
I shook my head. “I had no idea. I knew Kenji never wanted us over at his house, but I didn’t know it was because he was hiding his family from me.”
More silence. Then, “I’m sorry, Matt,” he replied at length. “I don’t quite know what to say to this.”
“Me neither. I certainly never expected it. I keep wondering when I’m going to wake up. I mean, Kento’s near death, Taichi could go to jail, the guitarist of ny band is brother to the two guys trying to kill me..”
“I know. I’m sorry,” he said again. He stood up. “Try to get some sleep. Maybe things will be better in the morning.” He turned out the light and left, shutting the door behind him.
In the morning. Right. Not likely.
I roll over on my side and try to go to sleep. It’s a long time coming.
End Part 10.
Author's Notes: Heh. Yeah. So I just revealed a major secret about Kenji’s family ^^ It’s weird, because I’ve known from near the beginning that Kenji was brother to Kento and Sento. You guys are just now finding out, and I keep forgetting that. There are more family secrets to come, as well. Yay! Things are complicated, ne?
part eleven
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. Do I care? Not really. I’ve lost my desire to own the show. So, Toei Animation can keep it. I’m sure they’re happy. Paying for all those lawyers must have been getting expensive. Song is Velvet Underworld, from Weiss Kreuz.
Author’s Notes: Well, here we are with part ten. What fun! Yeah, I’m being a bit sarcastic. Anyways, this part picks up where we left off in part 8, after Yamato told Taichi about Kento. Like Part 9, this part will be fairly short. (That’s because I’m running short on ideas for this.. Hopefully this should be wrapped up in another ten parts or so.) But anyways, I always manage to make these long, don’t I? Sorry. So without Further ado, part 10.
--->Translation:
|the worlds flower like a carpet of crimson red
|as one scatter and toss through the air
|sorrow and sadness are born there
|from the darkness underneath
|ah, are hearts only meant to lie?
|are people just puppets of fate|
Waiting
Chapter 10- An Unintentional Lie
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|shinku no juutan ni nita
|kono yo hana wa mina omote
|sono shita ni nagareru yami
|kanashimi wa soko kara umare
|aa, kokoro sae itsuwatte ikiru no ka?
|hito wa sadame ni ayatsurareru dake|
For a long time after Taichi left (He was reluctant to go - So I threatened him), I sat there on my bed, silent, tears still leaking out of my eyes. I barely noticed them. Memories I had shoved away were now taking their revenge on me and bouncing around in my mind.
Dimly my mind registered the slam of the door, and ‘tousan’s voice calling “Tadaima!”
I don’t recall him leaving, but he must have. “‘ka’ri,” I responded listlessly. I wonder if he even heard it. Probably not. Then he knocked on my door.
“Come in.”
He opened the door, his face furrowing in a mixture of surprise and concern when he realized I’d been crying. “Matt? Are you alright?”
I shook my head.
“Oh.... Well, I brought home some take-out. It’s sushi. Do you want some?”
Ask me what’s wrong! My mind screamed at him. Why can’t you ever ask me anything?! Out loud, however, I just said, “Not right now, thanks. Maybe later.”
He paused for a moment, perhaps trying to decide whether or not he wanted to say anything else. I guess not, because he just said okay and walked out. I watched him walk away and didn’t say anything.
I should have. I should have told him, right then and there, when it was still fresh in my mind.
But the pain was still too raw, Too.... Painful. For a lack of better word. Heh. Maybe I could tell him a little bit later. Or maybe I just wouldn’t tell him at all. Or at least not any time soon. I wasn’t really sure. I mean, on the one hand, he did deserve to know. He was my father after all, and though he had a hard time showing it, I knew that he loved me. He always had, and no matter what happened to me, he’d continue to love me. He didn’t care what kind of person I was. He told me, while I was still in the hospital, “Yamato is Yamato. No matter what happens to you, no matter what kind of person you are or become, You’ll always be Yamato to me.” It was rather sentimental and completely unlike him, but I suppose almost losing your son again would do that to a person.
So I know that he really cared about me, that he was worried, and he just wanted to help me, for me to get better. But that still didn’t change anything. Didn’t make it any easier to talk about. And I’ve always had trouble talking to ‘tousan anyways. That’s half the reason it took so long for me to tell him about Ken.
“I hate this,” I murmured. With a sigh, I slid off my bed and headed towards the kitchen. Might as well eat, though I wasn’t really hungry.
‘tousan looked up as I walked in. He motioned towards the cartons of food on the table. “Sushi?”
I nodded and went to get a plate.
“So where’d Taichi go?” he asked me as we were sitting down eating. I swallowed a bite of unagi before saying, “He went back home. He has to go to school tomorrow.”
“So do you,” ‘tousan pointed out.
I looked away. “I.. I don’t want to. Do I have to?”
A sigh. “Matt.... you’ve already missed so much school this year. You can’t afford to keep missing so much. Don’t you want to graduate?”
“I.. I’m scared to go,” I told him softly.
“Scared? Why?”
This was it. I had to tell him, the way I’d told Taichi. But then again, what could ‘tousan do about it? Even if he took it to the cops, they wouldn’t be able to prove anything. It would be my word against Kento’s. No evidence, no proof of any kind. And I’m emotionally unstable anyways. My word couldn’t be trusted. But, he was my father.... Even if couldn’t do anything, wouldn’t it ease his mind just the tiniest bit, to know who had it out for his son? (Everyone, seemingly.)
“Matt?”
I looked at him. “Because... because,” I hesitated. Once again I felt a few tears. I was crying. I seemed to be doing that a lot these days. “Because the people who, who hurt me.. they’re there.”
“The people who hurt you? The ones who almost ki-“
“Yes,” I said, cutting him off. I didn’t want to hear that, didn’t want the reminder of my near death. “It was that gang.. the one that jumped Taichi and me that time.”
“Matt..” ‘tousan wasn’t quite sure what to say, it seemed.
“You don’t have to say anything, Otousan. It’s just.. please don’t make me go tomorrow. I’ll go Tuesday if I have to, but just not tomorrow.”
He sighed. “Alright. You can stay home tomorrow. And Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
I was confused. What did ‘tousan have to be confused about? “Sorry? What for?”
“About that gang.. if I hadn’t said such horrible things that day.. so I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, and I don’t blame you. Okay?”
A long moment of silence. “Okay.”
+-+-+-+
I woke the next day about twelve. I didn’t feel a bit rested. I hadn’t ever since that first day when Ken raped me. But last night had been particularly bad. The times I actually managed to fall asleep were filled with horrible nightmares. Several times I woke up screaming or near screaming. A couple of times I even woke up ‘tousan. I felt kind of bad about that, but it wasn’t as if I’d done it on purpose, and he assured me he didn’t mind.
Yawning, I wandered into the kitchen looking for something to eat, but I didn’t find much. There was leftover sushi, but I’ve never found sushi very appetizing after it’s been sitting in the fridge overnight. There was some cereal, but the only milk we had had this nasty film of... something sitting on top. I threw the milk out, gagging slightly at the smell. Yep, definitely bad. There was also something green and fuzzy sitting in the fridge. For some reason, it made me think of the time we’d had that moldy food Takeru found.. I remembered him eating it and making such a face.. we’d both laughed about it.
Suddenly I missed Takeru. Okay, I know I just saw him Thursday, but it’s been such a long time since I’ve really got to see him, and hang out with him. However, he’s in school right now, and I’m sure he’s busy with his own life and his own boyfriend.
I wondered if this was the way it was always going to be from now between me and him. A few moments spent together at most, exchanged greetings when we ran into each other, an occasional phone call when one or the other found time to call. Probably. After all, I’d soon be off living my own life, at college (hopefully), and then grown up and on my own, while Takeru would be busy finishing off his own high school years. We’d barely have time for each other. The thought hurt. But maybe that’s what growing up was. The most time we’d get to see each other would be when we got back together for holidays.
Growling slightly for allowing myself to become so melancholy, so pessimistic, I went in the living room and watched tv for a few hours, blocking out all thought in my mind and going numb.
When a knock sounded on the door around three, I jumped up in a panic, only then realizing I must have fallen asleep while watching tv. I looked around, somewhat disoriented and confused. What had woken me?
Then another knock came, and I shook off my confusion and went to open it. Taichi was standing there looking at me, a look of slight relief on his face. I don’t think he was even aware of it. He grinned at me. “Hey Yamato.”
I tried smiling back at him, but I don’t think I succeeded very well. “Hey Taichi.”
+-+-+-+
I was worried. I had been, ever since Taichi left. I was beginning to think I shouldn’t have told Taichi about Kento. Ever since I did, he keeps talking about how he could kill them. I guess I was just afraid he’d actually make good on that threat. He was pretty pissed at them when he left here.. and Taichi’s not exactly known for thinking before he acts. He does things rashly. Sometimes I think his motto ought to be “Act first, think later.” because that’s what he does a lot of the time. He always got us into trouble by doing that in the Digital World. And if he goes and searches out Kento, or runs into them out there...
Maybe I’m worrying for no reason.
I glanced at the clock. Plenty of time. Taichi would be home by now. Just to set my mind at rest, I picked up the phone and dialed the Yagamis number.
Hikari answered. “Moshi moshi, Yagami residence. Yagami Hikari.”
“Hikari, it’s Matt.”
“Oh hi Matt. You looking for Taichi?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s not here. Should I tell him you called?”
I felt myself go weak; I almost dropped the phone. My body was suddenly cold and numb.
“Matt?” Hikari said. “Matt, are you still there?”
“Um, yeah,” I whispered. I cleared my throat. “Sorry.” I paused to think for a moment. “Hikari, can you do me a favor?”
“Sure. What do you need?”
“Find Taichi for me, will you?”
“Find him?” she asked, confusion in her voice.
“He was just here not too long ago. He left, but he should have been home by now. I’m afraid he might have gone after the people who hurt me. They’re a ruthless gang.”
“Oh my god,” she whispered.
“Yeah. So could you please find him, or get Koushiro or someone to?”
“I - yes. I’ll do it right now. I’ll call you soon, Matt, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks. Bai.”
“Bai.” She hung up.
Damn, damn, damn, “DAMN! Dammit, Taichi,” I moaned. “Why do you do this to me? I hate worrying about you...”
It was a long time before Hikari called me back. I hadn’t moved from where I’d slid to my butt, my back against the wall, after hanging up the phone. I probably had gone numb about an hour ago. Possibly even longer, I’d lost all track of time. I was too damned worried about Taichi, and with each passing minute, it was only more likely that he’d gone off in search of Kento and became real bad tangled up with them. I’d even begun to entertain the possibility that he’d been killed, much as it hurt me to think about that.
The shrill jangling of the phone broke the silence, and I jumped. Stiffly I got to my feet and tried to ignore the feeling of the pins and needles tingling all over my body. I reached out and answered the phone. “Mo-Moshi moshi, Ishida residence.”
“Matt.” It was Hikari’s voice. For a moment I felt nothing but relief, but it was quickly replaced by anxiety.
“Hikari, did you find him?” I asked urgently.
“Well, no-“
“NO?!”
“I mean, I didn’t find him, but Jyou did.” She stopped. The news wasn’t good. Shit.
“Is he.. uh.. is he..”
“He’s fine. He’s at the hopsital. I am too. Look Matt, it’d take too long to explain, so you should probably come down. Can you make it?”
“Umm..” I glanced at the clock. It was seven. It could be hours before ‘tousan was home. I wonder if he’d leave work if I called him. “Hikari, can you call me back in fifteen minutes?”
“Sure. I’ll call soon.”
“Thanks.” I hung up, then reset the phone and dialed ‘tousan’s work number.
Some guy answered, and I asked for Ishida Masaharu; I was put on hold. Please, please, pick up soon, I thought. I don’t have much time.
“Ishida.”
“Otousan!” Oh yeah, that was real intelligent.
“Matt? Is that you?”
“Yeah. Otousan-“
“Are you okay? Why are you calling?” He sounded concerned, and for some reason I was absurdly pleased.
“Otousan, I need a ride to the hospital. Right now.”
“Are you hurt?”
“No. It’s a long story, and I don’t even know all of it yet. Hikari wants me to meet her at the hospital, and I need a ride. Can you take me? Right now?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll be right there.”
Almost right after I hung up with him, Hikari called back.
“Hikari. I’ve got a ride. I can be there in about twenty or thirty minutes. Where do I meet you?”
“Right out front. Listen, Taichi’s fine, and he’ll be waiting with me. But Matt....”she trailed off, and I prompted her to continue.
“But?”
“Well, there are tons of cops around here... It’s crazy.”
I frowned. “I don’t understand. Why is the police there?”
“It’s a long story, Taichi and I will explain it when you get here. I have to get off the phone, some lady keeps glaring at me.”
“Alright. I’ll see you guys soon, I guess.”
+-+-+-+
I didn’t even wait for ‘tousan to stop the car, I just flung open the door and jumped out, looking around frantically for Hikari and Taichi. I didn’t see them. However, I did see cops. Lots and lots of cops. Unbidden, my mind flashed back to Ken’s arrest. I had been present, I insisted on it. There’d been lots of cops swarming around his apartment then too. There! Taichi! I ran over to him, tossing a harried goodbye over my shoulder to ‘tousan, who was looking rather confused at the scene before him.
“Yamato!” Taichi met me halfway, Hikari just behind him.
“Taichi, what’s going on? Why are you here, and what’s with the cops? I don’t understand!” To say my nerves were a little frayed would have been a rather drastic understatement.
He gave me a traditional sheepish Taichi grin, and it calmed me ever so slightly. If he was able to grin like that, then things couldn’t be as bad as they looked. “Let’s go and talk in the waiting room. There’s one reserved just for us, and we can kick my parents out. Sound good?”
“Whatever.”
I followed him and Hikari to their waiting room, which was located on the fourth floor, near the room I always stayed in. The Yagamis were there when we entered, and they looked scared and confused and very exhausted. They stood when Taichi came in, and looked at him expectantly. He just shrugged. “I need to talk to Yamato for a bit. Can you two go to the cafeteria or something for a bit?”
They just nodded and left without a word. I blinked. Odd.
“They’re a little mad at me,” Taichi attempted to clarify. This made no sense to me, though.
After we sat down and situated ourselves, I looked at Taichi and Hikari. “Okay, I want an explanation, and I want it to go in chronological order. So Taichi, tell me what happened after you left my place.”
“I was hoping I’d get to go last,” he murmured. I gave him my sternest look. “Okay, okay,” he relented with a sigh, and looked away.
“I was mad when I left your house. You knew that.”
I nodded.
“But I swear Yamato, I had only planned to go home. That’s all I was thinking of.”
I felt my stomach twisting into knots. Whatever was coming next was pretty bad.
“To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much,” he said quietly. “It was just like, I was walking, and all of a sudden they were just.. there. I didn’t go search them out. Kento was beating up some little kid pretty badly. He looked so young.. about eleven or twelve. He was really hurt. I guess.. I just kind of lost it.” And here was the sheepish Taichi grin again. “I called out to Kento, and then.. I don’t know. I was just.. I started beating him up. A lot. I don’t know for how long. All I could think of was you, in the hospital, and telling me who hurt you, and telling me you loved me. The doctor telling me how badly you’d been hurt. Every time I thought of you getting hurt, it only made me angrier. Then Jyou showed up, and he pulled me off Kento, and I looked down. It was scary. I barely recognized him. All I could see was blood. The kid they’d been beating up was gone. Sento and Tetsuya and Ayashi were just standing there, staring at me and terrified out of their minds. I heard an ambulance. I guess Jyou called for it.”
“What happened after that?” I asked, swallowing hard.
He glanced at me briefly, then resumed staring at the wall. “I don’t know. I passed out when the ambulance arrived.”
I looked to Hikari for answers. “I don’t know everything,” she warned me. “I called Jyou right after you called me, and an hour later he called back from the hospital. Told me he’d found Taichi, things were complicated, and he needed to speak to otousan. So I gave the phone to them, and soon we headed to the hospital. Jyou had left, and Taichi was conscious when we got here. Cops were everywhere. Doctors were running around. Kento was unconscious, and he’s listed as critical. His mom and brothers are here somewhere. Taichi explained everything to us, and then I called you, and now we’re just here waiting for Kento to be listed as stable.”
I didn’t want to ask it. I didn’t want to know the answer. But I had to. I had to know. “If...” I couldn’t say it. The words stuck in my throat.
Perhaps Hikari saw it in my eyes. “What happens if Kento dies?”
I nod, watching Taichi for a reaction. A barely perceptible flinch. If I hadn’t been looking, I wouldn’t have seen it.
“Then Taichi could be charged with 3rd degree murder.”
No one said anything after that for awhile.
+-+-+-+
A few hours later found myself still at the hospital with Taichi and Hikari. I could have gone home hours ago --after all, it wasn’t my life on the line here-- but I chose to stay with them anyways. Really, it’s a no-brainer. I was terrified for Taichi. I didn’t know what would happen to him, and I kept hoping that Kento would live, a fact I found rather ironic, all things considering.
I was bored, there wasn’t really anything to do, and I was tired of sitting. “I’m gonna go wander around the hospital for a bit, stretch some. I’ll be back soon, okay?”
Taichi nodded, I got no other acknowledgement.
Shrugging, I stood and left the room. I walked aimlessly down the halls, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I hate hospitals, and wanted no reminder that I’d just spent the past three and a half hours in one. I was sick of them. I’d seen enough of hospitals in the past year. After I’d been taken off suicidal watch and released, I’d hoped that it would have been the last time. Yet here I was again.
I sighed, turning a corner in the hall. Almost immediately I collided with another person. It knocked me backwards, and I stumbled a bit before regaining my balance.
I opened my mouth to apologize; all words flew when I got a look at the poor person rubbing his nose.
“Kenji?”
He looked at me. Frowned. Looked away. “Hi Matt,” he said simply.
I was majorly confused. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he replied, neatly evading my question.
“I’m waiting with Taichi. It’s a long story. Answer my question.”
“Well.....”
I was about to push him to go on when another voice interrupted us. One that stopped me cold.
“Hey asshole, your mama wants you.”
Slowly I looked past Kenji to see the other teen standing just behind him. I didn’t want to look. I felt like I’d just been tossed in the middle of someone else’s nightmare. Sento was standing there just behind Kenji, sneering at him. I swallowed, hard. “No,” I whispered.
Kenji flinched as I spoke. He wasn’t looking at me. Or Sento.
Sento noticed me when I spoke. He glared at me, then smirked. “Ishida. Such a surpise to see you here.”
I didn’t respond, I heard the unspoken word in that sentence. Alive.
He treated me to another smirk, then disappeared back into whatever room he came out of. I looked at Kenji, who was now looking at me oddly. It was only then I realized I had been whimpering and shaking ever so slightly. I willed my body to stop, but the shakes refused.
“Kenji?” I winced when I heard myself, my voice was broken and very high-pitched. I sounded terrified. Small wonder.
Kenji stiffened when I said his name, but said nothing.
“Kenji, look at me dammit!”
He did, as slowly as I’d looked at Sento earlier.
“Kenji, why are you here?” Please, let them be distant cousins or something. Let them be barely related, if at all. Please. I was only fooling myself. If they’d been only distantly related, Kenji would be at home.
He still didn’t respond, just stared at me, not wanting to admit his relation to the gang who had almost killed me (not that he knew that little tidbit, but he knew I’d had a run-in with them before).
“Please,” I begged him.
“Matt, I’m sorry,” he finally said, and his voice cracked as he said it.
“You’re related to them, aren’t you?”
“Brothers.” The word was spoken very quietly, so soft I almost didn’t hear it. Just the same, it knocked the world out from under my feet. Literally.
Kenji didn’t offer to help me up, just looked at me as I sat there on the floor, unable to get up, all my strength gone after his bombshell. “I have to go,” he said. Then he turned and left.
I managed to crawl to a bathroom and throw up.
+-+-+-+
Taichi looked up when I entered the private waiting room half an hour later. I was very pale, and not very steady on my feet. But if he noticed, he didn’t say anything.
“I have to go home. Right now,” I blurted out, then winced. Shit. I hadn’t meant to say that. So much for my plan of pretending everything was cool.
“Alright. Thanks for staying here with me Yama,” he replied, smiling at me. “Call me tomorrow?”
I nodded. I didn’t open my mouth. I felt sick again. Instead, I just gave a little wave, then turned and went down to the lobby, where ‘tousan was waiting. I’d called him earlier.
“Are you okay?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.
I shook my head no, and we rode home in silence. Halfway there, the shakes hit again. ‘Tousan had to help me into the apartment, and once there I went straight to the bathroom and was promptly sick again.
One of my best friends was brother to the two guys who wanted me dead. Brother to the two guys who almost killed me. Why had he kept this from me? Did the other guys know? Had he ever planned on telling me?
‘Tousan helped me to my room and tucked me in bed, like he had done when Takeru and I were little and still living in the same house. He smoothed back the hair from my forehead, and the touching gesture brought tears to my eyes. I only just managed not to actually cry, I didn’t want to upset him further. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked me.
“No.” I waited. Just once, I thought. Please just this once ask me. Be a father to me this one time. I need you.
He didn’t say anything else for a long while. But I waited him out, hoping he’d ask me. Hoping he’d sense how badly I needed him right now.
I don’t know if he somehow heard my thoughts, or if my face gave it away, or what, but he broke the silence with his question. “So what happened?” It was music to my ears. I could have hugged him then and there, except that I was still feeling too weak to move.
“It’s complicated,” I responded happily. Not that I was happy about the situation or anything, it was just.. well, you know.
"I'm listening."
"Well, I told Taichi Sunday about Kento and Sento."
"That gang?"
"Yes. And today he came to see me after school. And he was still really mad about it. Then apparently he ran into them on the street on the way home. He said they were beating up some eleven or twelve year old boy. And that he lost it. I was worried about him when he left, so after enough time passed, I called his house. Hikari said he wasn’t there. I asked her to find him, and she sent Jyou after him. Jyou found him and stopped him. He called an ambulance. Hikari calls me back from the hopsital two hours and doesn’t explain anything. That’s why I had you rush me there. I thought maybe Taichi had been hurt. But I get there, and Taichi’s fine. There are cops all over the place. Taichi beat Kento unconscious. He’s listed as critical. If he dies, then Taichi could be indicted and charged with a lesser degree of murder, and probably numerous counts of assault. So we wait three hours. No change. I’m tired of sitting, so I walk around the hospital a bit. I bump into Kenji.” “He’s in your band, right?”
“Yeah. He’s backup vocals and the other guitarist. So I ask him what he’s doing there, right? Cos I didn’t expect to see him.” My voice is slowly rising as I speak, and I try to calm myself some. I swallow. “He looks like he really doesn’t want to see him, and he doesn’t really answer me. And then Sento shows up right behind him. Sento is the one that stabbed me.” I pause to rub my eyes, trying not to flash back on that. I only half suceed.
“Anyways,” I went on. “Sento and Kento are twins, and I’ve known of them for years. They’re the most feared gang in most of Odaiba and a few other places, and the only gang at our school. And today I find out for the first time that Kenji is their young brother, even though I’ve known Kenji since we were twelve. I got sick.”
He’s silent for a bit, as if he didn’t quite know what to say. “Kenji never told you this before?”
I shook my head. “I had no idea. I knew Kenji never wanted us over at his house, but I didn’t know it was because he was hiding his family from me.”
More silence. Then, “I’m sorry, Matt,” he replied at length. “I don’t quite know what to say to this.”
“Me neither. I certainly never expected it. I keep wondering when I’m going to wake up. I mean, Kento’s near death, Taichi could go to jail, the guitarist of ny band is brother to the two guys trying to kill me..”
“I know. I’m sorry,” he said again. He stood up. “Try to get some sleep. Maybe things will be better in the morning.” He turned out the light and left, shutting the door behind him.
In the morning. Right. Not likely.
I roll over on my side and try to go to sleep. It’s a long time coming.
End Part 10.
Author's Notes: Heh. Yeah. So I just revealed a major secret about Kenji’s family ^^ It’s weird, because I’ve known from near the beginning that Kenji was brother to Kento and Sento. You guys are just now finding out, and I keep forgetting that. There are more family secrets to come, as well. Yay! Things are complicated, ne?
part eleven