Untold Secrets 1
Someone is hurting Yamato very badly. Yet Yamato is afraid to reveal his tormentor. Can he manage to speak that one name before it costs him his life?
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Suspense/Angst - Review: 64 - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9603 - Updated: 07-06-01 - Published: 06-25-01
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine.
Author's Note's: This is probably one of my favorite Digimon stories to date right now. I think I was able to portray Matt's fear and pain in this very well. I also know it's kinda cruel to Matt, but the idea for this story was entirely to good to pass up, so I hope you will all forgive me. Also, to warn you, Matt goes through a lot of sexual and physical abuse in this story, so if that's just not your kind of thing, back out now and head to a story that's not quite so dark. Other than that, please enjoy and give me your guesses on who is abusing Matt, k? I'm interested in knowing who you think it is, because I'm trying very hard not to give away who's hurting Matt. Oh, and for those of you who are following tai3.doc, er...I Am Who I..etc, notice my obsession with the name Kaos? I got it from SailorStars. You know, Chaos, they pronounce it as Ka-o-su in Japanese. I just think it's really cool. I'm also fond of the relationships between the Digidestined and their parents. Especially between Matt and his dad. I love Matt's dad! He's really cool to me for some strange reason. But enough rambling. Onto the story.
/~~~~/ denotes flashback, ~~~ being whatever's in between //.
Untold Secrets
by: Butterflie, fka Crimson Goddess
"So why did you do it Matt?" dad asked me sadly, staring down at me.
/Your entire body, your pathetic excuse for a life, it's all worthless. You're mine Ishida. That's the sole purpose of your existence. You live for no other reason. Got that?/
I bit down on my lip and didn't answer.
"Matt? Please tell me. It's important." dad begged me. "I need to know. Did something happen to you? Is it something I've done? Is there some reason you're not happy?"
I shook my head no to all of those.
/You tell anybody Yamato, and you're as good as dead. Remember, this is our little secret. Anybody else finds out, I might just have to arrange a date for you and my friend Mr. Knife here./
"Matt, why did you slit your wrists? Please, tell me!"
/And don't think you can try to get out of this either. You belong to me, and I'll be damned if I'll let you go./
"Dad, don't tell anybody I tried to kill myself," I whisphered.
He looked down at me, somewhat relieved that I was finally speaking. "Matt, who would I tell? I just want to know why, that's all."
I shook my head. "I can't tell you why I did. Just don't tell anybody, please."
"I won't say anything about it as long as you promise not to try to kill yourself again. I can't lose you Matt. You're all I have left in this world. So promise me you won't slit your wrists or try something else stupid."
I sighed. "I promise," I muttered reluctantly, not really sure at all whether I'd keep my promise.
/What, you don't think I can get away with murder? Then maybe you should go talk to Jyou's brother Jim. Oh wait, I forgot, he's dead. You see, Jim didn't want Jyou to be my slave, so he interfered. And me being the nice person that I am, I set him up on a blind date with Mr. Knife. They got along real well./
I began to tremble, and dad rushed over to me, worried. "Matt, are you okay? Please, tell me what's wrong!"
But I still shook my head no.
~switch p.o.v.~
'What happened to my son?' I thought, glancing over at Matt. I saw he was trembling and felt my heart skip a beat as I rushed over to him.
"Matt, are you okay? Please, tell me what's wrong!" I cried.
He shook his head, still trembling, but more violently now.
Just then the door opened and Matt's doctor, Dr. Kaos, motioned for me to step outside.
"Mr. Ishida, have you gotten anything out of him yet?"
I shook my head dejectedly. "No, he won't give me a reason for slitting his wrists. But I don't want to push him too much right now. I'm just glad he's alive."
"Well, I thought it might interest you to know that results show Matt has recently had sexual intercourse prior to slitting his wrists and coming here."
"So? He's seventeen. Don't you thin-"
"Mr. Ishida, he had sexual intercourse with another male."
I stopped mid-sentence, eyebrows raised. "What? Are you sure? Another guy?" Matt with another guy? No way! Not possible. I refuse to believe it. Dr. Kaos just made a mistake. He had to have. No way in hell could Matt have had-
"Yes, we're completely positive. There were traces of semen found on his thighs and butt."
Oh my God, no. I hope Matt didn't willingly participate in that act.
"There was also some dried semen around and in his mouth, suggesting oral sex." Dr. Kaos continued. "I don't know whether he was forced into having sex or he just acted before he thought, but it's more likely than not that was the reason for trying to kill himself."
Matt... what if he was raped? Is that why he won't tell me, though? Because he's probably embarrassed?
~switch p.o.v.~
I watched listlessly as dad walked back in to the room with Dr. Kaos, both of their faces grave.
Dad went over and sat on one of the chairs while Dr. Kaos came and stood by my hospital bed.
"Matt, are you awake?" he asked me.
I nodded. "Yeah," I said tonelessy.
"Good. Because I need to ask you a few questions."
"What?"
"Why did you have sexual intercourse with another male right before slitting your wrists?" he questioned, looking at me expectantly.
I went pale. "I d-didn't," I said, trying to stay calm, but my voice trembled when I spoke.
/You're to swallow every single drop when I cum, otherwise there will be dire consequences you really don't want to know about./
"Matt, we saw the semen on your body," Dr. Kaos informed me gently. "We know you had sex. That's not the issue here. The question is why, and is it the reason you tried taking your own life?"
I stayed silent this time and merely looked at the doctor I had known all my life. He looked frustrated, and I didn't blame him. I had always considered him a close friend that I could confide in, and ask questions without feeling stupid like I did around my dad. He knew my reason for not speaking wasn't because I was embarrassed, like I sensed my dad thought. However, I just can't tell him. I can't tell anyone.
/You tell anybody, and you're as good as dead./
The very reason I couldn't tell. If I was to die, it certainly wouldn't be by his hands. It'd be by my own.
"Matt, is someone forcing you to have sexual intercourse with them?"
I bit down on my lip and didn't answer.
"Answer him dammit! Matt!" dad yelled, starting to get angry with me.
"Mr. Ishida, calm down," Dr. Kaos warned. "Yelling at him won't help any."
"I won't calm down! I want some answers, and I want them now!" dad looked at me and lowered his voice considerably, doing wonders for my aching head. "Matt, is someone sexually abusing you? Were you raped? Is that why you wanted to die? Please tell us."
I shook my head, tears starting to brim in my eyes. Luckily I managed to keep them at bay. "Sorry, I can't tell you," I whisphered to them.
Dad closed his eyes and I could see him silently counting to ten. Then, without another word to me or Dr. Kaos, he left the room, his hands balled into tight fists.
~switch p.o.v.~
I left the room without saying anything else to Matt or the doctor, afraid I'd say something else I'd regret.
Why couldn't Matt tell us anything? What was he so afraid of? Did he think I would confront whoever was hurting him? I want to understand so badly, but I don't. And I won't if Matt won't say anything.
Angrily, I turned and punched the hospital wall as hard as I could, then leaned my head against it, tears beginning to form in my eyes.
I was scared, for Matt I guess. Scared that he wouldn't tell me what happened to him. And angry he didn't feel like he could trust me. I didn't think he participated in that sex willingly. He had to have been forced into it. But who could be sick enough to do such a thing to him? Was it someone he knew, or was he just another victim of some random, senseless act?
Dammit I wanted answers! Why the hell can't my own son talk to me? Did whoever is sexually using him hurt him or threaten him so badly that he's too afraid to talk?
/'Why did you have sexual intercourse with another male right before slitting your wrists?' 'I d-didn't.'/
Why had Matt denied having sex? Wait, was it possible that he did something to somebody else then felt so guilty afterwards that he wanted to die? Is that why he can't say why? Oh God, I hope not. Matt........
~switch p.o.v.~ *two days later*
I'm out of the hospital and at home now. Dad still questions me about what happened. Only now he's trying to decide whether I did something to somebody or if they did something to me. I almost wish I had done something to him. At least then it would make things easier on me.
Just then the front door opened and I looked up from my position where I was reclining on the couch.
It was him. And he knew. Christ, he knew.
"Well Yamato, someone's been a bad boy, haven't they?" he asked coldly, moving towards me menacingly.
Instinctively, I shrank back, watching, waiting, my terror heightening as each step he took brought him closer towards me.
"Didn't I tell you it was useless to try and escape?" he asked as he caught my wrist with one sudden movement.
I squirmed under his touch. God, I wanted out of here.
"Well? Didn't I? Answer me Yamato! Didn't I tell you it was useless to try and escape me?!" he shouted into my face, twisting my wrist backwards.
I stared up into his face, glaring defiantly.
"It was useless to slit your wrists! I told you, your entire body, your pathetic excuse for a life, it's all worthless. You're mine Yamato. That's the sole purpose of your existence. You live for no other reason. To belong to me. That's why you live. For me. Now tell me. Tell me you understand perfectly."
I opened my mouth to tell him, only because he was making my wrists bleed, but all that came out was a shrill scream of intense pain as I heard a loud snap pierce through the air.
Surprised, he let go of my wrist, and I fell back into the couch, gasping and holding on to my wrist, trying not to give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears of pain. My wrist! He had broken my wrist!
From the way he smiled, I knew he knew it too. He wasn't stupid.
"Oops. Did I hurt you Yamato? Here, I have an idea that will make you feel better." He told me, smirking. Roughly, he reached over and yanked me to my feet. The sudden movement sent jagged bolts of pain racing up and down my arm, and I screamed.
Smirking again, he quickly begin to strip me, causing me to start shaking in fear, afraid he'd rape me again.
But he didn't. Instead, he began to lightly trail his fingers up and down my bare chest once he had gotten me completely undressed.
I shivered. Despite myself, I could feel myself starting to get aroused.
He noticed, and smiling gently - but not tenderly - he let his fingers trail down the length of my cock, touching, teasing.
I groaned. Even though I was as scared as hell, his touch felt so good.
Then suddenly I couldn't feel him anymore. Surprised, I looked up.
He grinned. "That looks very painful. Tell me Yamato, is it as painful as it looks?"
I nodded hesitantly, not sure what was coming next.
His voice suddenly turned to ice. "Good. Then take care of it."
I stared in shock, not quite sure what he was getting at. Was he telling me to jack off?
"Dammit Yamato, I don't have all day! I told you to take care of it! I wanna see you make yourself cum, and I wanna see it now!" he shouted, impatiently, his voice rising on the last word.
I felt my cheeks flush with hot embarrassment and anger as I reached down with my good hand and began pumping myself, but I didn't dare disobey him. Not when he was agitated.
After several minutes I came, my seed spurting all over my hands and on the sheets that had fallen to the floor when he had yanked me off the couch.
I moaned and sank to my knees, temporarily exhausted. But he wasn't finished with me. Instead, he knelt down beside me and spread my legs, licking my cock clean of semen.
Already I was growing hard again, but this time I fought it, determined not to give in so easily again.
Finishing his meal of cum, he stood in satisfaction, pulling me to my feet as well, ordering me to strip him.
Finally he stood nude before me, and I thought, 'now he's gonna rape me.'
However, he had other ideas. Pushing my head down to where his straining erection was, he told me in a menacing voice, "You're to suck me, and this time when I come, don't spit any out. I want you to swallow my every last drop. Understand?"
Disgusted, I nodded slightly. Reluctantly, I wrapped my lips around his pulsating cock in a deep rhythmic sucking motion. He moaned in pleasure and instinctively began thrusting his hardness deeper into my throat. I gagged and almost choked, but kept going, fearful of what he would do to me if I stopped.
After an eternity he reached his climax, his creamy seed spilling down my throat as he drove his cock deep into my throat. I fought to swallow all his cum without choking, barely succeeding.
Feeling sick, I let his limp cock slip from my mouth, trying desperately to keep from crying. I felt so humiliated, so ashamed.
He sighed in pleasure, sagging to his knees. "Excellent job Yamato. But now you that you're done sucking me, you have to f**k me."
My eyes widened in sheer terror. He wanted me to f**k him? Before, he'd always been the one doing the f**king.
I tried to speak, but all that came out was this little squeak of utter fear.
Smiling, he once again began to get me hard, preparing me for what was to come. Stupidly, I fought back and he started to hit me hard enough so that bruises already were forming. Resigned, I stopped struggling, and he resumed his earlier task of arousing me...
~switch p.o.v.~
I slammed the door shut with a sigh, exhausted after another strenuous day at the station.
Walking into the living room, I started to greet Matt, but stopped mid sentence at the sickening sight before my eyes. Matt was huddled in a little ball in the middle of the floor, naked. There was semen all over his legs, mouth, cock. There were bruises too, covering all parts of his body. He was crying and rocking back and forth, cradling his left wrist, which looked like it had bled earlier. He had also gotten sick earlier, there were traces of the smell still in the room.
"Oh my God, Matt!" I cried, rushing over to him and taking him into my arms.
He didn't respond, I don't think he even realized I was there.
Picking him up and laying him on the couch, I went over to the phone and snatched up the receiver, glancing at my watch as I did so. After 5:00. Dr. Kaos would be at home. Impatiently I dialed his number. He answered on the second ring.
"Hello, Kaos residence, Dr. Kaos speaking."
"Hello, Dr. Kaos. It's Ishida. Listen, do you think you could come out to my apartment to see Matt? It's urgent."
"Sure. Give me a few minutes to get there. Is he sick?"
I hesitated for only the tiniest fraction of a second before saying, "Yes."
"Allright. I'll be there." Then he hung up.
Several long minutes later I found myself saying, "Thanks for coming. He's in the living room."
Dr. Kaos nodded and walked in there. I followed, watching as he stared silently at Matt for a few moments. Finally he turned back towards me.
"I thought you said he was sick," he said accusingly. But his eyes were just as pained as mine were.
I shook my head. "I found him right before I called you. He was awake then, huddled in a little ball on the floor crying. I have no idea how long he was there, and he didn't acknowledge my presence."
"Well, he couldn't have been there too long," he said, kneeling down beside Matt. "The semen on his body is still fresh."
I walked over to a chair and sank down heavily into it. "Who is doing this to Matt?" I said wearily, more to myself than Dr. Kaos.
I couldn't watch as he began to examine Matt, it hurt to much to see how Matt had suffered.
However, when he muttered 'strange', I looked over there. "What?" I asked.
"Well, during the sexual intercourse, it looks like Matt was the dominant one."
I was too weary to process what he was saying. "How about plain English for common people like me?" I called. "Not everyone is as smart as you."
"Matt was the one doing the f**king! There! Better now?" he snapped, his feelings slightly hurt.
I winced. He had been rather blunt. "Can you tell whether he had the sex willingly or not?" I asked somewhat timidly.
He sighed. "Isn't it obvious he was forced?"
I rubbed my eyes. How could someone do this? Oh Matt, please tell me.
"Mr. Ishida, is it all right if I wake him now?"
I nodded. "Yeah, go ahead. But I'm gonna be in my room. Maybe he'll tell you something this time. I know he won't tell me, I've been asking him since he was released from the hospital two days ago." Then I got up and went into my room, knowing I wouldn't be able to stand seeing Matt's pain when he's awake.
~switch p.o.v.~
I woke to the persistent shaking of my shoulders. The first thing I was aware of was the shrill scream of pain coming from my mouth as my wrist was being jarred back and forth by the shaking. The second thing I was aware of was Dr. Kaos standing over me, reassuring me it was all right.
"My wrist!" I gasped. "Stop making my wrist shaking!"
He apologized and let go of me.
I opened my eyes slowly, not wanting to be here. I wanted to be dead, unconscious, anything to escape the pain.
Dr. Kaos looked at me. "Matt, what's wrong with your wrist? How was I hurting it by shaking your shoulder?"
"My wrist, it's broken. It hurts. A lot. Make it stop hurting," I begged, holding it up for him to see. However, that hurt too, so I put it back down.
"It's broken? How? How did you break it?"
"He broke it," I muttered sourly.
"He? Who's he? Matt, is your dad the one doing this to you?"
I shook my head. "I almost wish it was. At least then I could stop it." I whisphered sadly.
"Then who's he? Matt, you've always told me everything before. I know you're not embarrassed. You never have been. Something else is keeping you from telling."
"Dr. Kaos, forget it. I won't tell you. I won't tell anyone. Now will you please take me to the hospital to fix my wrist before I try killing myself again?" I asked dryly.
He stared at me. "You didn't mean that, did you? I mean, that last remark. About killing yourself?"
I sighed. "I'm dead serious. I'd do anything to escape him. Even killing myself. And this time, I'd make sure I was dead." I told him softly.
"Oh God Matt..... it's that bad?"
"Let's see... I'm being sexually and physically abused. Nope, everything's perfectly fine," I said sarcastically. Then, "What do you think? Of course it's bad."
He gave a sheepish grin at his stupidity. "Sorry. I'm just having a hard time thinking straight at the moment."
"I know," I replied in a tired voice. "I understand. But could you please take care of my wrist right now? You'll have plenty of time to hassle me later."
Dr. Kaos nodded. "But you can't go to the hospital looking like that. You'll have to clean up first."
Surprisingly, I turned bright red at that.
~switch p.o.v~
I was waiting anxiously in my bedroom when Dr. Kaos entered. Somewhat apprehensively, I looked at him and asked, "Is he...okay?"
He sighed. "Other than a broken wrist and a few bruises, he's fine. Emotionally, however, is another story."
I didn't reply; instead, I sat there seething. I was mad. At Matt, myself, Dr. Kaos, but mostly at whoever it was hurting my son. Matt was seventeen. He should be out having fun with his friends, dating, enjoying his last few years at school, not stuck at home suffering from abuse.
Somewhat sadly, he shook his head a bit, then disappeared into the other room.
"Dad?" a soft voice asked me.
I looked up. Matt was standing in front of me, staring at me, the fear and pain still visible in his eyes.
"Dad, we need to leave. I need to go back to the hospital, okay?"
I just nodded, too hurt at seeing the suffering in his eyes to speak.
Dr. Kaos walked back in to the room. "Good Matt, you're ready to go. Ishida?"
I stood up and grabbed my coat from where it was draped over the back of the chair. "Yeah, let's go. Are we taking your car or mine?"
"It doesn't matter."
I was about to tell him to take his, when suddenly Matt made this funny noise and went pale as he collapsed.
My eyes went wide. "Matt!" I cried, panicked, running over to him, as did Dr. Kaos.
Kaos examined him for a few seconds, then said, "It's allright, he just fainted. Help me get him to the car."
I bent my chin downwards in a slight acknowledgment as I leaned down and got a firm grip on Matt's arms. Dr. Kaos grabbed his feet and together we managed to get him out to the car.
~switch p.o.v~
My wrist woke me as we were entering the hospital, throbbing and screaming in agonizing pain.
"It hurts.." I moaned hoarsely.
My dad looked down at me. "I know, Matt. We're gonna take care of it right now."
I nodded. "A'ight." Then I went back to the darkness.
However, I didn't get to stay long, because they wanted me awake while they were putting the cast on, so my arm would be sure to be straight.
Then Dr. Kaos felt it best I be admitted to the hospital for a few days, to make sure I was really okay, and because they felt I would at least protected here, if no where else.
I tried to protest, argue that it would be worse if I stayed in the hospital. They didn't believe me because they didn't understand. But I couldn't find the words to tell them that it would just make him more angry that he wasn't able to get at me, and he would only hurt me worse when I got out.
So I was admitted to a room, given painkillers, and was told to try to get some sleep, and that my wrist wouldn't hurt so much in the morning, and I was perfectly safe, he couldn't get to me here.
I didn't entirely believe them, but I was too tired to protest. Instead, I just rolled over on my side in a little ball and tried to get sleep.
The next day the constant throbbing of my wrist once again woke me.
I opened my eyes to the late afternoon sunlight reluctantly, wishing I was at home, at school, anywhere but this damn hospital.
Suddenly I started and let out a little gasp as he stepped up out of the shadows.
My eyes went wide and I started to tremble. "You!"
He grinned sadistically. "Yep, that's right, it's me, and you better be out of this hospital by tomorrow afternoon or you'll regret you were ever born." Then he was gone.
"I already do regret it," I told the small fake ivy plant on the table beside my bed.
That evening, when Dad got off work and came to visit me, I pleaded with him to let me come home.
"Please Dad! I feel fine, and it's only making it worse if I stay here. I'm okay now, I don't even need to be in here, and the only thing I'm accomplishing by staying is to tie up one of their beds. Besides, I want to go back home. Please, can't you get Dr. Kaos to release me?"
"Matt, you've only been here for twenty hours. That's not even a full day. Give it a few days. Dr. Kaos wants to make sure you are fully physically all right, and somewhat emotionally stable, before he releases you. Have some patience, okay?"
"But..."
But it was useless. Dad wouldn't be swayed in his decision, and Dr. Kaos fully agreed with him. It turned out to be a full week before they finally released me, and then only because they were in desperate need of the bed.
I dreaded going back home because I knew once I did, he would show up. And what made it all worse was that I didn't know when. I just knew that he would, and when he did, he would not be happy.
His visit ended up being the fourth day after I got out of the hospital. Dad had made a vow he would stay home the whole week after I was released to be perfectly sure I was allright, but by the fourth day he was needed in a bad way at the station.
I was actually in the kitchen eating a hamburger - a fast food favorite way over in America - when he came in the back door.
I was just about to bite into my hamburger when all of a sudden a voice behind me said, "Yamato, where have you been? I was extremely lonely all this time."
I dropped my food and turned around so fast I would have lost my balance if it hadn't been for the table behind me that was keeping me from falling.
He was standing behind me, completely unclad, an evil smirk on his face. His eyes were absolutely dancing with sheer delight, and I knew I was in for a long day.
He didn't even bother to tease me this time. With one swift movement, he was standing in front of me and I found myself devoid of the boxers I had been wearing.
My heart started to beat faster and faster as he continued to stare at me silently, and I feared I would have a heart attack if he didn't do something soon. The cold look in his eyes unnerved me. I had no idea, no way to tell what he was thinking, but I had a pretty good idea anyway.
"Suck me hard," he told me suddenly, catching me off guard.
"What?" I asked him, trying my best to remain calm.
"I said suck me hard dammit!" he yelled, already losing patience. I knew he was extremely pissed. "I'm gonna teach you a lesson today, Yamato. I thought you had learned to not avoid me when I broke your arm. But apparently you didn't listen, because otherwise you would have been out of that hospital a week ago."
"But it wasn't my fault." I whined. "My dad and my doctor wouldn't let me leave."
"I don't care. You could have found a way out, and instead you let them manipulate you. Now you must pay for your disobedience."
"I'm sorry," I whisphered, hoping he'd go easy on me for once.
"This will be the last time I tell you Yamato. I want you to suck me, and I want you to suck me hard."
I nodded, then reluctantly lowered my head to where his straining sex was. Taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I opened my mouth and placed my lips over his stiff erection, twirling my tongue roughly the head of his member several times before beginning a hard, rhythmic sucking motion. He came almost immediately, sighing in immense pleasure while I swallowed his warm, creamy liquid.
I almost gagged on his taste, but I forced myself to swallow all of his cum, for fear of what he would do to me if I didn't.
After a few moments he gathered his wits about him, as I so put it, and looked at me before ordering me to come stand next to him.
I did so quickly and, like last time, he began to arouse me again. I tried to resist, to keep my raging hormones under control, but I couldn't help it. I started to get hard.
Within a few minutes I was fully aroused and in extreme pain. Smiling not so nicely, he led me over to the bed and, after laying down on his stomach, ordered me to screw him into oblivion.
Biting down hard on my lip hard enough to draw blood so as to keep the threatening tears at bay, I gently straddled myself atop of him and slowly began to lower myself into him. Since he wouldn't allow lube, I was afraid of hurting him. Not that I really cared if he got hurt. I just didn't want him hurting me in retaliation.
Finally I found myself fully seated. I paused for a moment to get used to the strange sensation of being inside him again. This was only the second time I had ever f**ked somebody before, so I was still kinda new at this.
In a couple of seconds I was ready. Raising myself up, I pulled partially out of him then slammed back in. After a few more experimental thrusts, I adjusted the angle at which I was thrusting into him and steadily began increasing my pace.
He grimaced in pain at my first thrusts, but pretty soon his pain faded and pleasure surfaced. Eons later, or so it felt like to me, he came, his seed spurting all over the sheets of my bed.
I sighed silently in relief and collapsed, thinking it was over, he would go and leave me to cry alone, but instead he merely ordered to f**k him again. So we went at it a second time, and when he came again, he told me to do him a third time. "We won't stop f**king until I have gotten the pleasure I so desire," were his exact words.
Over and over we screwed, until I finally lost count. I know it was at least ten, because that was the last number I remember before giving up. Finally he was satisfied enough to look at his watch for a moment, and when he did, he jumped straight up out of bed. Not wanting to lose time, he went and grabbed his clothes from the back stairway to our apartment floor where he had undressed before entering through the back door. Taking a knife out of his jeans, he went over to where I was laying on the bed with my still stiff and badly need of release erection causing me much pain, since he wouldn't let me cum.
Leaning down close to me, he took the knife and drew it fast and sharp down my good arm. I winced in pain as small red droplets of blood quickly began to dot my arm along the incision.
"Next time I tell you I want you out of the hospital by the next day, you better do it, otherwise you'll be hurting worse than you are right now," he whisphered menacingly. I just stared at him in fear. He smirked once more at me, then was gone.
The second I was sure he was gone, I reached down with my hand and took a firm hold of my cock, relieving myself with quick, jerky thrusts. When I was finished, I let my now limp cock slip out of my hand and I slowly dragged myself out of bed, heading towards the direction of the bathroom to clean up.
~switch p.o.v~
"Allright, I'm leaving, I gotta get back home to Matt now. I'll see you guys later," I said, waving and turning to leave.
"Ishida! Wait up!" one of the cameramen called, running up behind me.
I turned back towards him. "Yeah?"
"Did you ever get anything out of Matt yet?" he asked me in a low voice.
I sighed and shook my head disappointedly. "He won't tell me anything still. All he says is 'I can't tell you, he'll kill me'. I'm really worried about him."
"Well, I hope you catch the bastard who's hurting him soon, Ishida. Tell Matt I said hey."
"Sure thing. Well, I gotta get back to Matt. I'm afraid I'll come home and find him stripped and bleeding on the floor again."
"I understand. Well, see you tomorrow. Bai."
"Sayounara." Then I turned and headed out of the station.
To my relief, I found Matt sleeping peacefully on the couch when I got home. I watched him for a few moments while he rested. Even though he was seventeen, he looked so much younger. And yet, with all I sensed he has endured, he seemed older and wiser than his years.
Suddenly Matt started in his sleep, then opened his eyes and sat up. "Dad," he said, wide-eyed.
I smiled softly at him. "Hey Matt. I just got home. You okay today? No visits?"
He nodded somewhat nervously, it seemed, and tried to smile. "Yeah, just fine."
"Good. That's what I like to hear."
He nodded again, and was about to lay down when suddenly he jumped out of bed and raced down the hall.
I was so surprised by his sudden action, I didn't even try to see where he was going. A few minutes later he was back, looking a little pale.
"Matt, are you allright?" I asked him, concerned. Was he getting sick or something, or had he lied? Did he have another visit after all?
Inwardly I shook my head. No, he said he hadn't and I was going to believe him. I have to trust him right now. It's extremely important.
"I'm fine dad. Just a little tired is all."
I watched him, worried, as he went back over to the couch and laid back down. Within a few minutes, he was asleep.
Shaking my head for real this time, I walked over to the kitchen to see what I could find still edible in the fridge.
Once I finished eating some leftover shrimp I found in the fridge, I headed down the hall towards Matt's room to get all his laundry to be washed, since I was bored and had nothing better to do.
I had gathered all his clothes I saw on the floor and was just about to leave when one of our bathroom towels caught my eye. It was half hidden under an extra pillow on his bed, and I would have missed it altogether if it hadn't been for the fact that it was unusually spotted red.
I walked over to it and studied it, wondering when our towels went from white to white with red spots, when suddenly I realized I was seeing drying blood.
So Matt had must have lied to me after all. He, whoever he was, must have came today after all. But why hadn't Matt told me? And where did this blood come from?
~switch p.o.v.~ *three days later*
"Not again," I murmured to myself as I looked up and saw him standing over me.
He apparently heard me, because he gave a sadistic little grin and said, "Oh yes, again. And you know what? You're gonna f**k me until you please me again, because there's nothing better than total satisfaction in knowing you've had great sex."
"I could think of a lot of things that were better," I muttered under my breath. Luckily, he did not hear that little comment.
I'm not going to go into any kind of major detail this time, because it was basically just a repeat of a few days ago. However, I did manage not to lose count this time, and we ended up doing it sixteen times nonstop. Now I know what you're thinking, sixteen times? That's impossible. But you have to know, most of the time he was so hard that he came almost immediately.
Apparently after the sixteenth time he was pleasured and exhausted, because instead of ordering me to f**k him again or perhaps suck him this time, he just lay back on my bed and sighed with happiness.
I tried to get up and go get dressed, but he glared at me and told me to stay still. Yet I obviously had other ideas.
"I will not stay put," I said indignantly. Why was I saying this? Did I really wanna get killed by his hands? "I will get up and I will go get dressed."
His eyes flashed angrily and suddenly I felt that spark of fear again, that fear that kept me from stopping this sexual abuse, this madness. Snatching his knife off my beside table, he held it towards me and informed me, "You better watch what you say otherwise your back will be the one talking to the knife instead of the nightstand."
Carelessly, I shrugged my shoulders. "You wouldn't stab me," I said. "Cut me yes, but stab me? No way."
Then all of a sudden I cried out in pain and surprise as I felt something cool and sharp penetrate my backside several times before my world faded to black. I guess I was wrong. He would stab me.
"Bastard..." I whisphered as I fell unconscious.
~switch p.o.v.~
"Oh my God...."
I stood motionless in the doorway to Matt's room, staring at the horrible scene before my eyes.
My first thought was that he was dead. However, his chest was rising and falling slowly, and I realized with great relief he was still alive.
Running over to the phone on his nightstand, I picked it up and called the hospital, asking them to page Dr. Kaos.
While I was waiting for him to pick up, I went over and began to examine Matt.
He was laying naked on the floor, unconscious in a pool of blood from the several stab wounds on his back. New bruises had begun to make themselves evident on his arms and legs, and I also noticed what looked like a slightly older cut on his good arm.
"Dr. Kaos speaking, what can I do for you?"
I turned my attention back to the phone. "Please come here right away." I whisphered, my voice hoarse, and with a start it hit me that I was crying.
"Ishida? Is that you?"
"Yeah, look, it's Matt again. He's been stabbed this time. Please come right away. I'm afraid he's gonna die."
"Oh God," he breathed. "Listen, I can't get away from the hospital since I carpooled this morning, but bring Matt in to the emergency room and I'll take a look at him, allright?"
"Sure thing. I'll be waiting for you."
I replaced the receiver then went into my bedroom. Grabbing a blanket off of my bed, I returned to my son and wrapped it around him as best as I could. After grabbing a pair of Matt's boxers and one of his shirts, I hefted Matt up and carried him and his clothes out to the car, then proceeded to the hospital.
Dr. Kaos was there waiting for me when I rushed Matt in. "Bring him to the emergency room. We need to check for internal bleeding and make sure none of those wounds need stitches."
Several hours later found me waiting anxiously in the visitor's lounge when Dr. Kaos walked in. After leading me to an empty area in the far corner of the room, he said, "Matt's gonna be okay now. We had to perform surgery on him, because it turned out he had a lot of internal bleeding. Right now he's still unconscious because of the anesthetics we gave him, not to mention the painkillers are enough to keep him out for a couple of days. You can go in and see him, but there's no point in trying to talk to him."
I nodded sadly. "I understand. But just as long as he's okay, that' s all that matters to me.."
~switch p.o.v.~ *three days later*
"Matt....Matt...."
It's dark. The darkness is consuming me. Someone is calling my name. I don't want to answer. I want to stay in this warm darkness. Maybe if I ignore them, they'll go away.
"Matt.."
I groan. "...go away...." I try to mumble.
"Matt, wake up......"
I guess they didn't hear me.
Sighing, I opened my eyes to the blurry shadows standing over me. They looked somehow familiar, but yet I couldn't quite place them.
"Who.....?" I murmured faintly.
Whoever it was sighed. "Thank God, you're awake Matt."
"I can't see..." I said. "You're all fuzzy. Dare...?" *dare as in da-RAY, the Japanese word for who. In this case Matt's asking 'who are you?'*
"You shouldn't be able to see until later tonight, when the painkiller wears off. But other than your vision, how are you?"
"I feel like roadkill twice run over. Dare ga?" I persisted.
"Oh right. Sorry. I forget you can't tell who I am with your vision like that. Dr. Kaos."
"Ka...o...su...?" The name is familiar, but the face is not...
"Yeah. Dr. Kaos. You know, childhood doctor, close friend, etc.?"
I shook my head, then winced at the pain.
"Well, that's all right. You'll remember me when you see me."
"I'm sure I will," I muttered.
I just want for him to go away. The pain- it's so intense. I don't know if I can stand it. Why? Why does it hurt so much? What happened to me?
"You were stabbed Matt," this so called Dr. Kaos said gently.
What, had he read my mind?
"Um.. you're speaking out loud."
I furrowed my brow. "I am?" I ask.
"Yeah," he told me.
I was about to say something, when the full blow of what he said hit me. "I was- stabbed? By who?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
"What makes you think I know?"
Yet even as I said it, I realized I did know. How could I forgotten? He was the one that stabbed me. He had hurt me so much. I hated him.
I felt the tears begin to roll softly down my cheeks, and was helpless to stop them. Why? Why was this happening? What was so special about me that he would choose to f**kin abuse me? Me, out of all the millions of other people out there.
I knew I was just wallowing in self pity, but at that point in time, I didn't really care. My whole life was being ruined-no, more like being controlled-all by one person. Someone I had trusted, heck, even loved as a close friend at one point, and he had betrayed me. All the hurt, the pain at having my friendship and trust being thrown back into my face, all of came rushing at me in one chilling realization, and it was overwhelming.
I hated that bastard, hated him so much I wanted him dead. And yet, at the same time, I hated myself. Hated the fact that I let him manipulate me. Hated that fact I was to scared to fight back. Hell, I hated myself for just hating him, even. I've never felt so much hate and rage towards someone before. It's not my nature. It never has been. So why? Why must I have to deal with all this?
"Matt? Daijoubu?" *Daijoubu..are you okay*
I nod, not quite trusting myself to speak.
~switch p.o.v~ *a week later*
"Dad....?"
I looked up suddenly, startled out of my sleep by my son's pain-filled voice.
"Matt?" I say softly. "That you? You're awake?"
"Yeah," he replies quietly.
I let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad.." I whispher. "Are you..okay?"
He lets out a bitter laugh. "What do you think?"
My mouth twists in a strange half little smile. "Sorry. Just a reflex question, I guess."
He laughs, for real this time, giving me a soft smile I hadn't seen in ages. For a moment, it was almost enough to let me forget about all the hardships we were enduring right now, and it gave me a glimpse of the teenager Matt had once been. Just for a second, I could ignore all of our pain, pretend Matt was still his old, caring self. But never again. He would never be the same after this. Not ever.
"Dad....don't cry..." Matt says suddenly.
I look at him in confusion, then feel a drop of water fall onto my hand.
"I'm sorry..." I murmur. "It's just..."
"I know, Dad. I know."
"Matt...?" I say his name with hesitation.
"Yeah?" he asks, and I sense as much caution in his voice as there is hesitation in mine.
"Who...who is doing this to you? Please, can't you tell me? Or tell someone else at least, if not me?"
"Dad, I-" he begins, but I cut him off.
"Matt, you have to realize this can't go on forever. But unless you tell someone who it is, it's probable the only other way it'll stop is that you'll die." I didn't like to say that, but I saw no other way to get through to him. "Matt, if you'll just tell me who it is, I won't let him get to you. I can go to the police without him finding out. And he can't hurt you if you stay here, there are too many people around."
"That's where you're wrong Dad!" he cried out passionately. "He will find out! I know he will! He always does! And even if he is stopped, it won't be forever. He'll eventually come back and get me. He'll find a way."
"Matt Goddammit he will not get you!" I barked, frustrated. I softened my voice. "Look, what if I requested a plainclothes cop and unmarked cruiser, would you tell us then? And afterwards, if we had someone guard your room until he was in custody?"
He was silent for a long while, weighing his choices. I studied him intently, hoping to find some clue as to what he would decide. But his face and body language gave away nothing.
Finally he spoke, his voice just above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Dad. I- .. I can't just yet."
I sighed in bitter disappointment, but still clung to that tiny shred of hope he had given me with his words. He can't just yet.
~switch p.o.v.~
"I'm sorry, Dad. I- .. I can't just yet." I told him, turning my face away so I wouldn't have to see the pain on his face that I knew was there.
I could hear him sigh, and I knew he was disappointed in me. But how could I just tell him like that? After so much time, just say the one name that had been haunting me for six months? Six months. And about four of those months took place before I tried to kill myself, before Dad and Dr. Kaos found out I was being f**ked by a rapist, a sexual abuser.
So there was no way I could suddenly just say the name. As much as I wanted this whole sorry mess to end, it wouldn't be right now, right here.
Dad's probably right, too. It would only end if I died. I mean, where does he think I can get the courage to say his name? It'd have to be a miracle or something like that.
I heard the door to my room open and close, and knew without having to turn around and look that Dad have left the room. He'd be back within a few hours; he didn't like leaving me by myself at the hospital.
Now that he was gone, I had the freedom to cry without having to worry about him badgering me, asking me if I was allright. I let my tears flow freely, for once not being bothered about having him see me cry. I cried silently for a long time, not making any noise, my cheeks glittering with the wetness.
Finally all my pain and weariness began to catch up with me. Exhausted, I lowered my head into my pillow and was asleep almost immediately. However, sleep brought me little relief. My dreams were filled with visions of my tormentor. It was a hellish nightmare I could not escape.
Allrighty then, wasn’t that just so cruel to Matt? My poor little Yamato! >_< Well, don’t worry. I’ll put the ending to this story up. There’s actually probably gonna be two endings. One is already written. Anyways, give me your guesses on Yama’s abuser, k? And once I have enough reviews and at least 15 guesses, I’ll put up the first ending. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Please read and review! Thank you!
end
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Suspense/Angst - Review: 64 - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9603 - Updated: 07-06-01 - Published: 06-25-01
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine.
Author's Note's: This is probably one of my favorite Digimon stories to date right now. I think I was able to portray Matt's fear and pain in this very well. I also know it's kinda cruel to Matt, but the idea for this story was entirely to good to pass up, so I hope you will all forgive me. Also, to warn you, Matt goes through a lot of sexual and physical abuse in this story, so if that's just not your kind of thing, back out now and head to a story that's not quite so dark. Other than that, please enjoy and give me your guesses on who is abusing Matt, k? I'm interested in knowing who you think it is, because I'm trying very hard not to give away who's hurting Matt. Oh, and for those of you who are following tai3.doc, er...I Am Who I..etc, notice my obsession with the name Kaos? I got it from SailorStars. You know, Chaos, they pronounce it as Ka-o-su in Japanese. I just think it's really cool. I'm also fond of the relationships between the Digidestined and their parents. Especially between Matt and his dad. I love Matt's dad! He's really cool to me for some strange reason. But enough rambling. Onto the story.
/~~~~/ denotes flashback, ~~~ being whatever's in between //.
Untold Secrets
by: Butterflie, fka Crimson Goddess
"So why did you do it Matt?" dad asked me sadly, staring down at me.
/Your entire body, your pathetic excuse for a life, it's all worthless. You're mine Ishida. That's the sole purpose of your existence. You live for no other reason. Got that?/
I bit down on my lip and didn't answer.
"Matt? Please tell me. It's important." dad begged me. "I need to know. Did something happen to you? Is it something I've done? Is there some reason you're not happy?"
I shook my head no to all of those.
/You tell anybody Yamato, and you're as good as dead. Remember, this is our little secret. Anybody else finds out, I might just have to arrange a date for you and my friend Mr. Knife here./
"Matt, why did you slit your wrists? Please, tell me!"
/And don't think you can try to get out of this either. You belong to me, and I'll be damned if I'll let you go./
"Dad, don't tell anybody I tried to kill myself," I whisphered.
He looked down at me, somewhat relieved that I was finally speaking. "Matt, who would I tell? I just want to know why, that's all."
I shook my head. "I can't tell you why I did. Just don't tell anybody, please."
"I won't say anything about it as long as you promise not to try to kill yourself again. I can't lose you Matt. You're all I have left in this world. So promise me you won't slit your wrists or try something else stupid."
I sighed. "I promise," I muttered reluctantly, not really sure at all whether I'd keep my promise.
/What, you don't think I can get away with murder? Then maybe you should go talk to Jyou's brother Jim. Oh wait, I forgot, he's dead. You see, Jim didn't want Jyou to be my slave, so he interfered. And me being the nice person that I am, I set him up on a blind date with Mr. Knife. They got along real well./
I began to tremble, and dad rushed over to me, worried. "Matt, are you okay? Please, tell me what's wrong!"
But I still shook my head no.
~switch p.o.v.~
'What happened to my son?' I thought, glancing over at Matt. I saw he was trembling and felt my heart skip a beat as I rushed over to him.
"Matt, are you okay? Please, tell me what's wrong!" I cried.
He shook his head, still trembling, but more violently now.
Just then the door opened and Matt's doctor, Dr. Kaos, motioned for me to step outside.
"Mr. Ishida, have you gotten anything out of him yet?"
I shook my head dejectedly. "No, he won't give me a reason for slitting his wrists. But I don't want to push him too much right now. I'm just glad he's alive."
"Well, I thought it might interest you to know that results show Matt has recently had sexual intercourse prior to slitting his wrists and coming here."
"So? He's seventeen. Don't you thin-"
"Mr. Ishida, he had sexual intercourse with another male."
I stopped mid-sentence, eyebrows raised. "What? Are you sure? Another guy?" Matt with another guy? No way! Not possible. I refuse to believe it. Dr. Kaos just made a mistake. He had to have. No way in hell could Matt have had-
"Yes, we're completely positive. There were traces of semen found on his thighs and butt."
Oh my God, no. I hope Matt didn't willingly participate in that act.
"There was also some dried semen around and in his mouth, suggesting oral sex." Dr. Kaos continued. "I don't know whether he was forced into having sex or he just acted before he thought, but it's more likely than not that was the reason for trying to kill himself."
Matt... what if he was raped? Is that why he won't tell me, though? Because he's probably embarrassed?
~switch p.o.v.~
I watched listlessly as dad walked back in to the room with Dr. Kaos, both of their faces grave.
Dad went over and sat on one of the chairs while Dr. Kaos came and stood by my hospital bed.
"Matt, are you awake?" he asked me.
I nodded. "Yeah," I said tonelessy.
"Good. Because I need to ask you a few questions."
"What?"
"Why did you have sexual intercourse with another male right before slitting your wrists?" he questioned, looking at me expectantly.
I went pale. "I d-didn't," I said, trying to stay calm, but my voice trembled when I spoke.
/You're to swallow every single drop when I cum, otherwise there will be dire consequences you really don't want to know about./
"Matt, we saw the semen on your body," Dr. Kaos informed me gently. "We know you had sex. That's not the issue here. The question is why, and is it the reason you tried taking your own life?"
I stayed silent this time and merely looked at the doctor I had known all my life. He looked frustrated, and I didn't blame him. I had always considered him a close friend that I could confide in, and ask questions without feeling stupid like I did around my dad. He knew my reason for not speaking wasn't because I was embarrassed, like I sensed my dad thought. However, I just can't tell him. I can't tell anyone.
/You tell anybody, and you're as good as dead./
The very reason I couldn't tell. If I was to die, it certainly wouldn't be by his hands. It'd be by my own.
"Matt, is someone forcing you to have sexual intercourse with them?"
I bit down on my lip and didn't answer.
"Answer him dammit! Matt!" dad yelled, starting to get angry with me.
"Mr. Ishida, calm down," Dr. Kaos warned. "Yelling at him won't help any."
"I won't calm down! I want some answers, and I want them now!" dad looked at me and lowered his voice considerably, doing wonders for my aching head. "Matt, is someone sexually abusing you? Were you raped? Is that why you wanted to die? Please tell us."
I shook my head, tears starting to brim in my eyes. Luckily I managed to keep them at bay. "Sorry, I can't tell you," I whisphered to them.
Dad closed his eyes and I could see him silently counting to ten. Then, without another word to me or Dr. Kaos, he left the room, his hands balled into tight fists.
~switch p.o.v.~
I left the room without saying anything else to Matt or the doctor, afraid I'd say something else I'd regret.
Why couldn't Matt tell us anything? What was he so afraid of? Did he think I would confront whoever was hurting him? I want to understand so badly, but I don't. And I won't if Matt won't say anything.
Angrily, I turned and punched the hospital wall as hard as I could, then leaned my head against it, tears beginning to form in my eyes.
I was scared, for Matt I guess. Scared that he wouldn't tell me what happened to him. And angry he didn't feel like he could trust me. I didn't think he participated in that sex willingly. He had to have been forced into it. But who could be sick enough to do such a thing to him? Was it someone he knew, or was he just another victim of some random, senseless act?
Dammit I wanted answers! Why the hell can't my own son talk to me? Did whoever is sexually using him hurt him or threaten him so badly that he's too afraid to talk?
/'Why did you have sexual intercourse with another male right before slitting your wrists?' 'I d-didn't.'/
Why had Matt denied having sex? Wait, was it possible that he did something to somebody else then felt so guilty afterwards that he wanted to die? Is that why he can't say why? Oh God, I hope not. Matt........
~switch p.o.v.~ *two days later*
I'm out of the hospital and at home now. Dad still questions me about what happened. Only now he's trying to decide whether I did something to somebody or if they did something to me. I almost wish I had done something to him. At least then it would make things easier on me.
Just then the front door opened and I looked up from my position where I was reclining on the couch.
It was him. And he knew. Christ, he knew.
"Well Yamato, someone's been a bad boy, haven't they?" he asked coldly, moving towards me menacingly.
Instinctively, I shrank back, watching, waiting, my terror heightening as each step he took brought him closer towards me.
"Didn't I tell you it was useless to try and escape?" he asked as he caught my wrist with one sudden movement.
I squirmed under his touch. God, I wanted out of here.
"Well? Didn't I? Answer me Yamato! Didn't I tell you it was useless to try and escape me?!" he shouted into my face, twisting my wrist backwards.
I stared up into his face, glaring defiantly.
"It was useless to slit your wrists! I told you, your entire body, your pathetic excuse for a life, it's all worthless. You're mine Yamato. That's the sole purpose of your existence. You live for no other reason. To belong to me. That's why you live. For me. Now tell me. Tell me you understand perfectly."
I opened my mouth to tell him, only because he was making my wrists bleed, but all that came out was a shrill scream of intense pain as I heard a loud snap pierce through the air.
Surprised, he let go of my wrist, and I fell back into the couch, gasping and holding on to my wrist, trying not to give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears of pain. My wrist! He had broken my wrist!
From the way he smiled, I knew he knew it too. He wasn't stupid.
"Oops. Did I hurt you Yamato? Here, I have an idea that will make you feel better." He told me, smirking. Roughly, he reached over and yanked me to my feet. The sudden movement sent jagged bolts of pain racing up and down my arm, and I screamed.
Smirking again, he quickly begin to strip me, causing me to start shaking in fear, afraid he'd rape me again.
But he didn't. Instead, he began to lightly trail his fingers up and down my bare chest once he had gotten me completely undressed.
I shivered. Despite myself, I could feel myself starting to get aroused.
He noticed, and smiling gently - but not tenderly - he let his fingers trail down the length of my cock, touching, teasing.
I groaned. Even though I was as scared as hell, his touch felt so good.
Then suddenly I couldn't feel him anymore. Surprised, I looked up.
He grinned. "That looks very painful. Tell me Yamato, is it as painful as it looks?"
I nodded hesitantly, not sure what was coming next.
His voice suddenly turned to ice. "Good. Then take care of it."
I stared in shock, not quite sure what he was getting at. Was he telling me to jack off?
"Dammit Yamato, I don't have all day! I told you to take care of it! I wanna see you make yourself cum, and I wanna see it now!" he shouted, impatiently, his voice rising on the last word.
I felt my cheeks flush with hot embarrassment and anger as I reached down with my good hand and began pumping myself, but I didn't dare disobey him. Not when he was agitated.
After several minutes I came, my seed spurting all over my hands and on the sheets that had fallen to the floor when he had yanked me off the couch.
I moaned and sank to my knees, temporarily exhausted. But he wasn't finished with me. Instead, he knelt down beside me and spread my legs, licking my cock clean of semen.
Already I was growing hard again, but this time I fought it, determined not to give in so easily again.
Finishing his meal of cum, he stood in satisfaction, pulling me to my feet as well, ordering me to strip him.
Finally he stood nude before me, and I thought, 'now he's gonna rape me.'
However, he had other ideas. Pushing my head down to where his straining erection was, he told me in a menacing voice, "You're to suck me, and this time when I come, don't spit any out. I want you to swallow my every last drop. Understand?"
Disgusted, I nodded slightly. Reluctantly, I wrapped my lips around his pulsating cock in a deep rhythmic sucking motion. He moaned in pleasure and instinctively began thrusting his hardness deeper into my throat. I gagged and almost choked, but kept going, fearful of what he would do to me if I stopped.
After an eternity he reached his climax, his creamy seed spilling down my throat as he drove his cock deep into my throat. I fought to swallow all his cum without choking, barely succeeding.
Feeling sick, I let his limp cock slip from my mouth, trying desperately to keep from crying. I felt so humiliated, so ashamed.
He sighed in pleasure, sagging to his knees. "Excellent job Yamato. But now you that you're done sucking me, you have to f**k me."
My eyes widened in sheer terror. He wanted me to f**k him? Before, he'd always been the one doing the f**king.
I tried to speak, but all that came out was this little squeak of utter fear.
Smiling, he once again began to get me hard, preparing me for what was to come. Stupidly, I fought back and he started to hit me hard enough so that bruises already were forming. Resigned, I stopped struggling, and he resumed his earlier task of arousing me...
~switch p.o.v.~
I slammed the door shut with a sigh, exhausted after another strenuous day at the station.
Walking into the living room, I started to greet Matt, but stopped mid sentence at the sickening sight before my eyes. Matt was huddled in a little ball in the middle of the floor, naked. There was semen all over his legs, mouth, cock. There were bruises too, covering all parts of his body. He was crying and rocking back and forth, cradling his left wrist, which looked like it had bled earlier. He had also gotten sick earlier, there were traces of the smell still in the room.
"Oh my God, Matt!" I cried, rushing over to him and taking him into my arms.
He didn't respond, I don't think he even realized I was there.
Picking him up and laying him on the couch, I went over to the phone and snatched up the receiver, glancing at my watch as I did so. After 5:00. Dr. Kaos would be at home. Impatiently I dialed his number. He answered on the second ring.
"Hello, Kaos residence, Dr. Kaos speaking."
"Hello, Dr. Kaos. It's Ishida. Listen, do you think you could come out to my apartment to see Matt? It's urgent."
"Sure. Give me a few minutes to get there. Is he sick?"
I hesitated for only the tiniest fraction of a second before saying, "Yes."
"Allright. I'll be there." Then he hung up.
Several long minutes later I found myself saying, "Thanks for coming. He's in the living room."
Dr. Kaos nodded and walked in there. I followed, watching as he stared silently at Matt for a few moments. Finally he turned back towards me.
"I thought you said he was sick," he said accusingly. But his eyes were just as pained as mine were.
I shook my head. "I found him right before I called you. He was awake then, huddled in a little ball on the floor crying. I have no idea how long he was there, and he didn't acknowledge my presence."
"Well, he couldn't have been there too long," he said, kneeling down beside Matt. "The semen on his body is still fresh."
I walked over to a chair and sank down heavily into it. "Who is doing this to Matt?" I said wearily, more to myself than Dr. Kaos.
I couldn't watch as he began to examine Matt, it hurt to much to see how Matt had suffered.
However, when he muttered 'strange', I looked over there. "What?" I asked.
"Well, during the sexual intercourse, it looks like Matt was the dominant one."
I was too weary to process what he was saying. "How about plain English for common people like me?" I called. "Not everyone is as smart as you."
"Matt was the one doing the f**king! There! Better now?" he snapped, his feelings slightly hurt.
I winced. He had been rather blunt. "Can you tell whether he had the sex willingly or not?" I asked somewhat timidly.
He sighed. "Isn't it obvious he was forced?"
I rubbed my eyes. How could someone do this? Oh Matt, please tell me.
"Mr. Ishida, is it all right if I wake him now?"
I nodded. "Yeah, go ahead. But I'm gonna be in my room. Maybe he'll tell you something this time. I know he won't tell me, I've been asking him since he was released from the hospital two days ago." Then I got up and went into my room, knowing I wouldn't be able to stand seeing Matt's pain when he's awake.
~switch p.o.v.~
I woke to the persistent shaking of my shoulders. The first thing I was aware of was the shrill scream of pain coming from my mouth as my wrist was being jarred back and forth by the shaking. The second thing I was aware of was Dr. Kaos standing over me, reassuring me it was all right.
"My wrist!" I gasped. "Stop making my wrist shaking!"
He apologized and let go of me.
I opened my eyes slowly, not wanting to be here. I wanted to be dead, unconscious, anything to escape the pain.
Dr. Kaos looked at me. "Matt, what's wrong with your wrist? How was I hurting it by shaking your shoulder?"
"My wrist, it's broken. It hurts. A lot. Make it stop hurting," I begged, holding it up for him to see. However, that hurt too, so I put it back down.
"It's broken? How? How did you break it?"
"He broke it," I muttered sourly.
"He? Who's he? Matt, is your dad the one doing this to you?"
I shook my head. "I almost wish it was. At least then I could stop it." I whisphered sadly.
"Then who's he? Matt, you've always told me everything before. I know you're not embarrassed. You never have been. Something else is keeping you from telling."
"Dr. Kaos, forget it. I won't tell you. I won't tell anyone. Now will you please take me to the hospital to fix my wrist before I try killing myself again?" I asked dryly.
He stared at me. "You didn't mean that, did you? I mean, that last remark. About killing yourself?"
I sighed. "I'm dead serious. I'd do anything to escape him. Even killing myself. And this time, I'd make sure I was dead." I told him softly.
"Oh God Matt..... it's that bad?"
"Let's see... I'm being sexually and physically abused. Nope, everything's perfectly fine," I said sarcastically. Then, "What do you think? Of course it's bad."
He gave a sheepish grin at his stupidity. "Sorry. I'm just having a hard time thinking straight at the moment."
"I know," I replied in a tired voice. "I understand. But could you please take care of my wrist right now? You'll have plenty of time to hassle me later."
Dr. Kaos nodded. "But you can't go to the hospital looking like that. You'll have to clean up first."
Surprisingly, I turned bright red at that.
~switch p.o.v~
I was waiting anxiously in my bedroom when Dr. Kaos entered. Somewhat apprehensively, I looked at him and asked, "Is he...okay?"
He sighed. "Other than a broken wrist and a few bruises, he's fine. Emotionally, however, is another story."
I didn't reply; instead, I sat there seething. I was mad. At Matt, myself, Dr. Kaos, but mostly at whoever it was hurting my son. Matt was seventeen. He should be out having fun with his friends, dating, enjoying his last few years at school, not stuck at home suffering from abuse.
Somewhat sadly, he shook his head a bit, then disappeared into the other room.
"Dad?" a soft voice asked me.
I looked up. Matt was standing in front of me, staring at me, the fear and pain still visible in his eyes.
"Dad, we need to leave. I need to go back to the hospital, okay?"
I just nodded, too hurt at seeing the suffering in his eyes to speak.
Dr. Kaos walked back in to the room. "Good Matt, you're ready to go. Ishida?"
I stood up and grabbed my coat from where it was draped over the back of the chair. "Yeah, let's go. Are we taking your car or mine?"
"It doesn't matter."
I was about to tell him to take his, when suddenly Matt made this funny noise and went pale as he collapsed.
My eyes went wide. "Matt!" I cried, panicked, running over to him, as did Dr. Kaos.
Kaos examined him for a few seconds, then said, "It's allright, he just fainted. Help me get him to the car."
I bent my chin downwards in a slight acknowledgment as I leaned down and got a firm grip on Matt's arms. Dr. Kaos grabbed his feet and together we managed to get him out to the car.
~switch p.o.v~
My wrist woke me as we were entering the hospital, throbbing and screaming in agonizing pain.
"It hurts.." I moaned hoarsely.
My dad looked down at me. "I know, Matt. We're gonna take care of it right now."
I nodded. "A'ight." Then I went back to the darkness.
However, I didn't get to stay long, because they wanted me awake while they were putting the cast on, so my arm would be sure to be straight.
Then Dr. Kaos felt it best I be admitted to the hospital for a few days, to make sure I was really okay, and because they felt I would at least protected here, if no where else.
I tried to protest, argue that it would be worse if I stayed in the hospital. They didn't believe me because they didn't understand. But I couldn't find the words to tell them that it would just make him more angry that he wasn't able to get at me, and he would only hurt me worse when I got out.
So I was admitted to a room, given painkillers, and was told to try to get some sleep, and that my wrist wouldn't hurt so much in the morning, and I was perfectly safe, he couldn't get to me here.
I didn't entirely believe them, but I was too tired to protest. Instead, I just rolled over on my side in a little ball and tried to get sleep.
The next day the constant throbbing of my wrist once again woke me.
I opened my eyes to the late afternoon sunlight reluctantly, wishing I was at home, at school, anywhere but this damn hospital.
Suddenly I started and let out a little gasp as he stepped up out of the shadows.
My eyes went wide and I started to tremble. "You!"
He grinned sadistically. "Yep, that's right, it's me, and you better be out of this hospital by tomorrow afternoon or you'll regret you were ever born." Then he was gone.
"I already do regret it," I told the small fake ivy plant on the table beside my bed.
That evening, when Dad got off work and came to visit me, I pleaded with him to let me come home.
"Please Dad! I feel fine, and it's only making it worse if I stay here. I'm okay now, I don't even need to be in here, and the only thing I'm accomplishing by staying is to tie up one of their beds. Besides, I want to go back home. Please, can't you get Dr. Kaos to release me?"
"Matt, you've only been here for twenty hours. That's not even a full day. Give it a few days. Dr. Kaos wants to make sure you are fully physically all right, and somewhat emotionally stable, before he releases you. Have some patience, okay?"
"But..."
But it was useless. Dad wouldn't be swayed in his decision, and Dr. Kaos fully agreed with him. It turned out to be a full week before they finally released me, and then only because they were in desperate need of the bed.
I dreaded going back home because I knew once I did, he would show up. And what made it all worse was that I didn't know when. I just knew that he would, and when he did, he would not be happy.
His visit ended up being the fourth day after I got out of the hospital. Dad had made a vow he would stay home the whole week after I was released to be perfectly sure I was allright, but by the fourth day he was needed in a bad way at the station.
I was actually in the kitchen eating a hamburger - a fast food favorite way over in America - when he came in the back door.
I was just about to bite into my hamburger when all of a sudden a voice behind me said, "Yamato, where have you been? I was extremely lonely all this time."
I dropped my food and turned around so fast I would have lost my balance if it hadn't been for the table behind me that was keeping me from falling.
He was standing behind me, completely unclad, an evil smirk on his face. His eyes were absolutely dancing with sheer delight, and I knew I was in for a long day.
He didn't even bother to tease me this time. With one swift movement, he was standing in front of me and I found myself devoid of the boxers I had been wearing.
My heart started to beat faster and faster as he continued to stare at me silently, and I feared I would have a heart attack if he didn't do something soon. The cold look in his eyes unnerved me. I had no idea, no way to tell what he was thinking, but I had a pretty good idea anyway.
"Suck me hard," he told me suddenly, catching me off guard.
"What?" I asked him, trying my best to remain calm.
"I said suck me hard dammit!" he yelled, already losing patience. I knew he was extremely pissed. "I'm gonna teach you a lesson today, Yamato. I thought you had learned to not avoid me when I broke your arm. But apparently you didn't listen, because otherwise you would have been out of that hospital a week ago."
"But it wasn't my fault." I whined. "My dad and my doctor wouldn't let me leave."
"I don't care. You could have found a way out, and instead you let them manipulate you. Now you must pay for your disobedience."
"I'm sorry," I whisphered, hoping he'd go easy on me for once.
"This will be the last time I tell you Yamato. I want you to suck me, and I want you to suck me hard."
I nodded, then reluctantly lowered my head to where his straining sex was. Taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I opened my mouth and placed my lips over his stiff erection, twirling my tongue roughly the head of his member several times before beginning a hard, rhythmic sucking motion. He came almost immediately, sighing in immense pleasure while I swallowed his warm, creamy liquid.
I almost gagged on his taste, but I forced myself to swallow all of his cum, for fear of what he would do to me if I didn't.
After a few moments he gathered his wits about him, as I so put it, and looked at me before ordering me to come stand next to him.
I did so quickly and, like last time, he began to arouse me again. I tried to resist, to keep my raging hormones under control, but I couldn't help it. I started to get hard.
Within a few minutes I was fully aroused and in extreme pain. Smiling not so nicely, he led me over to the bed and, after laying down on his stomach, ordered me to screw him into oblivion.
Biting down hard on my lip hard enough to draw blood so as to keep the threatening tears at bay, I gently straddled myself atop of him and slowly began to lower myself into him. Since he wouldn't allow lube, I was afraid of hurting him. Not that I really cared if he got hurt. I just didn't want him hurting me in retaliation.
Finally I found myself fully seated. I paused for a moment to get used to the strange sensation of being inside him again. This was only the second time I had ever f**ked somebody before, so I was still kinda new at this.
In a couple of seconds I was ready. Raising myself up, I pulled partially out of him then slammed back in. After a few more experimental thrusts, I adjusted the angle at which I was thrusting into him and steadily began increasing my pace.
He grimaced in pain at my first thrusts, but pretty soon his pain faded and pleasure surfaced. Eons later, or so it felt like to me, he came, his seed spurting all over the sheets of my bed.
I sighed silently in relief and collapsed, thinking it was over, he would go and leave me to cry alone, but instead he merely ordered to f**k him again. So we went at it a second time, and when he came again, he told me to do him a third time. "We won't stop f**king until I have gotten the pleasure I so desire," were his exact words.
Over and over we screwed, until I finally lost count. I know it was at least ten, because that was the last number I remember before giving up. Finally he was satisfied enough to look at his watch for a moment, and when he did, he jumped straight up out of bed. Not wanting to lose time, he went and grabbed his clothes from the back stairway to our apartment floor where he had undressed before entering through the back door. Taking a knife out of his jeans, he went over to where I was laying on the bed with my still stiff and badly need of release erection causing me much pain, since he wouldn't let me cum.
Leaning down close to me, he took the knife and drew it fast and sharp down my good arm. I winced in pain as small red droplets of blood quickly began to dot my arm along the incision.
"Next time I tell you I want you out of the hospital by the next day, you better do it, otherwise you'll be hurting worse than you are right now," he whisphered menacingly. I just stared at him in fear. He smirked once more at me, then was gone.
The second I was sure he was gone, I reached down with my hand and took a firm hold of my cock, relieving myself with quick, jerky thrusts. When I was finished, I let my now limp cock slip out of my hand and I slowly dragged myself out of bed, heading towards the direction of the bathroom to clean up.
~switch p.o.v~
"Allright, I'm leaving, I gotta get back home to Matt now. I'll see you guys later," I said, waving and turning to leave.
"Ishida! Wait up!" one of the cameramen called, running up behind me.
I turned back towards him. "Yeah?"
"Did you ever get anything out of Matt yet?" he asked me in a low voice.
I sighed and shook my head disappointedly. "He won't tell me anything still. All he says is 'I can't tell you, he'll kill me'. I'm really worried about him."
"Well, I hope you catch the bastard who's hurting him soon, Ishida. Tell Matt I said hey."
"Sure thing. Well, I gotta get back to Matt. I'm afraid I'll come home and find him stripped and bleeding on the floor again."
"I understand. Well, see you tomorrow. Bai."
"Sayounara." Then I turned and headed out of the station.
To my relief, I found Matt sleeping peacefully on the couch when I got home. I watched him for a few moments while he rested. Even though he was seventeen, he looked so much younger. And yet, with all I sensed he has endured, he seemed older and wiser than his years.
Suddenly Matt started in his sleep, then opened his eyes and sat up. "Dad," he said, wide-eyed.
I smiled softly at him. "Hey Matt. I just got home. You okay today? No visits?"
He nodded somewhat nervously, it seemed, and tried to smile. "Yeah, just fine."
"Good. That's what I like to hear."
He nodded again, and was about to lay down when suddenly he jumped out of bed and raced down the hall.
I was so surprised by his sudden action, I didn't even try to see where he was going. A few minutes later he was back, looking a little pale.
"Matt, are you allright?" I asked him, concerned. Was he getting sick or something, or had he lied? Did he have another visit after all?
Inwardly I shook my head. No, he said he hadn't and I was going to believe him. I have to trust him right now. It's extremely important.
"I'm fine dad. Just a little tired is all."
I watched him, worried, as he went back over to the couch and laid back down. Within a few minutes, he was asleep.
Shaking my head for real this time, I walked over to the kitchen to see what I could find still edible in the fridge.
Once I finished eating some leftover shrimp I found in the fridge, I headed down the hall towards Matt's room to get all his laundry to be washed, since I was bored and had nothing better to do.
I had gathered all his clothes I saw on the floor and was just about to leave when one of our bathroom towels caught my eye. It was half hidden under an extra pillow on his bed, and I would have missed it altogether if it hadn't been for the fact that it was unusually spotted red.
I walked over to it and studied it, wondering when our towels went from white to white with red spots, when suddenly I realized I was seeing drying blood.
So Matt had must have lied to me after all. He, whoever he was, must have came today after all. But why hadn't Matt told me? And where did this blood come from?
~switch p.o.v.~ *three days later*
"Not again," I murmured to myself as I looked up and saw him standing over me.
He apparently heard me, because he gave a sadistic little grin and said, "Oh yes, again. And you know what? You're gonna f**k me until you please me again, because there's nothing better than total satisfaction in knowing you've had great sex."
"I could think of a lot of things that were better," I muttered under my breath. Luckily, he did not hear that little comment.
I'm not going to go into any kind of major detail this time, because it was basically just a repeat of a few days ago. However, I did manage not to lose count this time, and we ended up doing it sixteen times nonstop. Now I know what you're thinking, sixteen times? That's impossible. But you have to know, most of the time he was so hard that he came almost immediately.
Apparently after the sixteenth time he was pleasured and exhausted, because instead of ordering me to f**k him again or perhaps suck him this time, he just lay back on my bed and sighed with happiness.
I tried to get up and go get dressed, but he glared at me and told me to stay still. Yet I obviously had other ideas.
"I will not stay put," I said indignantly. Why was I saying this? Did I really wanna get killed by his hands? "I will get up and I will go get dressed."
His eyes flashed angrily and suddenly I felt that spark of fear again, that fear that kept me from stopping this sexual abuse, this madness. Snatching his knife off my beside table, he held it towards me and informed me, "You better watch what you say otherwise your back will be the one talking to the knife instead of the nightstand."
Carelessly, I shrugged my shoulders. "You wouldn't stab me," I said. "Cut me yes, but stab me? No way."
Then all of a sudden I cried out in pain and surprise as I felt something cool and sharp penetrate my backside several times before my world faded to black. I guess I was wrong. He would stab me.
"Bastard..." I whisphered as I fell unconscious.
~switch p.o.v.~
"Oh my God...."
I stood motionless in the doorway to Matt's room, staring at the horrible scene before my eyes.
My first thought was that he was dead. However, his chest was rising and falling slowly, and I realized with great relief he was still alive.
Running over to the phone on his nightstand, I picked it up and called the hospital, asking them to page Dr. Kaos.
While I was waiting for him to pick up, I went over and began to examine Matt.
He was laying naked on the floor, unconscious in a pool of blood from the several stab wounds on his back. New bruises had begun to make themselves evident on his arms and legs, and I also noticed what looked like a slightly older cut on his good arm.
"Dr. Kaos speaking, what can I do for you?"
I turned my attention back to the phone. "Please come here right away." I whisphered, my voice hoarse, and with a start it hit me that I was crying.
"Ishida? Is that you?"
"Yeah, look, it's Matt again. He's been stabbed this time. Please come right away. I'm afraid he's gonna die."
"Oh God," he breathed. "Listen, I can't get away from the hospital since I carpooled this morning, but bring Matt in to the emergency room and I'll take a look at him, allright?"
"Sure thing. I'll be waiting for you."
I replaced the receiver then went into my bedroom. Grabbing a blanket off of my bed, I returned to my son and wrapped it around him as best as I could. After grabbing a pair of Matt's boxers and one of his shirts, I hefted Matt up and carried him and his clothes out to the car, then proceeded to the hospital.
Dr. Kaos was there waiting for me when I rushed Matt in. "Bring him to the emergency room. We need to check for internal bleeding and make sure none of those wounds need stitches."
Several hours later found me waiting anxiously in the visitor's lounge when Dr. Kaos walked in. After leading me to an empty area in the far corner of the room, he said, "Matt's gonna be okay now. We had to perform surgery on him, because it turned out he had a lot of internal bleeding. Right now he's still unconscious because of the anesthetics we gave him, not to mention the painkillers are enough to keep him out for a couple of days. You can go in and see him, but there's no point in trying to talk to him."
I nodded sadly. "I understand. But just as long as he's okay, that' s all that matters to me.."
~switch p.o.v.~ *three days later*
"Matt....Matt...."
It's dark. The darkness is consuming me. Someone is calling my name. I don't want to answer. I want to stay in this warm darkness. Maybe if I ignore them, they'll go away.
"Matt.."
I groan. "...go away...." I try to mumble.
"Matt, wake up......"
I guess they didn't hear me.
Sighing, I opened my eyes to the blurry shadows standing over me. They looked somehow familiar, but yet I couldn't quite place them.
"Who.....?" I murmured faintly.
Whoever it was sighed. "Thank God, you're awake Matt."
"I can't see..." I said. "You're all fuzzy. Dare...?" *dare as in da-RAY, the Japanese word for who. In this case Matt's asking 'who are you?'*
"You shouldn't be able to see until later tonight, when the painkiller wears off. But other than your vision, how are you?"
"I feel like roadkill twice run over. Dare ga?" I persisted.
"Oh right. Sorry. I forget you can't tell who I am with your vision like that. Dr. Kaos."
"Ka...o...su...?" The name is familiar, but the face is not...
"Yeah. Dr. Kaos. You know, childhood doctor, close friend, etc.?"
I shook my head, then winced at the pain.
"Well, that's all right. You'll remember me when you see me."
"I'm sure I will," I muttered.
I just want for him to go away. The pain- it's so intense. I don't know if I can stand it. Why? Why does it hurt so much? What happened to me?
"You were stabbed Matt," this so called Dr. Kaos said gently.
What, had he read my mind?
"Um.. you're speaking out loud."
I furrowed my brow. "I am?" I ask.
"Yeah," he told me.
I was about to say something, when the full blow of what he said hit me. "I was- stabbed? By who?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
"What makes you think I know?"
Yet even as I said it, I realized I did know. How could I forgotten? He was the one that stabbed me. He had hurt me so much. I hated him.
I felt the tears begin to roll softly down my cheeks, and was helpless to stop them. Why? Why was this happening? What was so special about me that he would choose to f**kin abuse me? Me, out of all the millions of other people out there.
I knew I was just wallowing in self pity, but at that point in time, I didn't really care. My whole life was being ruined-no, more like being controlled-all by one person. Someone I had trusted, heck, even loved as a close friend at one point, and he had betrayed me. All the hurt, the pain at having my friendship and trust being thrown back into my face, all of came rushing at me in one chilling realization, and it was overwhelming.
I hated that bastard, hated him so much I wanted him dead. And yet, at the same time, I hated myself. Hated the fact that I let him manipulate me. Hated that fact I was to scared to fight back. Hell, I hated myself for just hating him, even. I've never felt so much hate and rage towards someone before. It's not my nature. It never has been. So why? Why must I have to deal with all this?
"Matt? Daijoubu?" *Daijoubu..are you okay*
I nod, not quite trusting myself to speak.
~switch p.o.v~ *a week later*
"Dad....?"
I looked up suddenly, startled out of my sleep by my son's pain-filled voice.
"Matt?" I say softly. "That you? You're awake?"
"Yeah," he replies quietly.
I let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad.." I whispher. "Are you..okay?"
He lets out a bitter laugh. "What do you think?"
My mouth twists in a strange half little smile. "Sorry. Just a reflex question, I guess."
He laughs, for real this time, giving me a soft smile I hadn't seen in ages. For a moment, it was almost enough to let me forget about all the hardships we were enduring right now, and it gave me a glimpse of the teenager Matt had once been. Just for a second, I could ignore all of our pain, pretend Matt was still his old, caring self. But never again. He would never be the same after this. Not ever.
"Dad....don't cry..." Matt says suddenly.
I look at him in confusion, then feel a drop of water fall onto my hand.
"I'm sorry..." I murmur. "It's just..."
"I know, Dad. I know."
"Matt...?" I say his name with hesitation.
"Yeah?" he asks, and I sense as much caution in his voice as there is hesitation in mine.
"Who...who is doing this to you? Please, can't you tell me? Or tell someone else at least, if not me?"
"Dad, I-" he begins, but I cut him off.
"Matt, you have to realize this can't go on forever. But unless you tell someone who it is, it's probable the only other way it'll stop is that you'll die." I didn't like to say that, but I saw no other way to get through to him. "Matt, if you'll just tell me who it is, I won't let him get to you. I can go to the police without him finding out. And he can't hurt you if you stay here, there are too many people around."
"That's where you're wrong Dad!" he cried out passionately. "He will find out! I know he will! He always does! And even if he is stopped, it won't be forever. He'll eventually come back and get me. He'll find a way."
"Matt Goddammit he will not get you!" I barked, frustrated. I softened my voice. "Look, what if I requested a plainclothes cop and unmarked cruiser, would you tell us then? And afterwards, if we had someone guard your room until he was in custody?"
He was silent for a long while, weighing his choices. I studied him intently, hoping to find some clue as to what he would decide. But his face and body language gave away nothing.
Finally he spoke, his voice just above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Dad. I- .. I can't just yet."
I sighed in bitter disappointment, but still clung to that tiny shred of hope he had given me with his words. He can't just yet.
~switch p.o.v.~
"I'm sorry, Dad. I- .. I can't just yet." I told him, turning my face away so I wouldn't have to see the pain on his face that I knew was there.
I could hear him sigh, and I knew he was disappointed in me. But how could I just tell him like that? After so much time, just say the one name that had been haunting me for six months? Six months. And about four of those months took place before I tried to kill myself, before Dad and Dr. Kaos found out I was being f**ked by a rapist, a sexual abuser.
So there was no way I could suddenly just say the name. As much as I wanted this whole sorry mess to end, it wouldn't be right now, right here.
Dad's probably right, too. It would only end if I died. I mean, where does he think I can get the courage to say his name? It'd have to be a miracle or something like that.
I heard the door to my room open and close, and knew without having to turn around and look that Dad have left the room. He'd be back within a few hours; he didn't like leaving me by myself at the hospital.
Now that he was gone, I had the freedom to cry without having to worry about him badgering me, asking me if I was allright. I let my tears flow freely, for once not being bothered about having him see me cry. I cried silently for a long time, not making any noise, my cheeks glittering with the wetness.
Finally all my pain and weariness began to catch up with me. Exhausted, I lowered my head into my pillow and was asleep almost immediately. However, sleep brought me little relief. My dreams were filled with visions of my tormentor. It was a hellish nightmare I could not escape.
Allrighty then, wasn’t that just so cruel to Matt? My poor little Yamato! >_< Well, don’t worry. I’ll put the ending to this story up. There’s actually probably gonna be two endings. One is already written. Anyways, give me your guesses on Yama’s abuser, k? And once I have enough reviews and at least 15 guesses, I’ll put up the first ending. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Please read and review! Thank you!
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