Owl to Neville

[lupin_aka_moony]

Here are some wonderful I wr...I found in a dusty old book. Hope they are not too old to be funny. I hope they put a smile on your face and get you extra credit on your homework. What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can. What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital? With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell. Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat? So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen. How do witches tell the time? By looking at their witch watches. What do you call a witch who climbs up walls? Ivy. What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio. What do you call a witch with one leg? Eileen. What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch? A witch in soggy trainers. What goes cackle, cackle, boom? A witch in a minefield. Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her. Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because there's no point in it. What do you call a witch that stays out all night? Afresh air freak. Why did the witch consult an astrologer? She wanted to know her horrorscope. How can you make a witch itch? Take away her "W." What does a witch enjoy cooking most? Gnomelettes. Knock knock. Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Witch witch would you like it to be? Knock knock. Who's there? Gus. Gus who? Gus what! There's a witch in the ditch! Knock knock. Who's there? Eunice. Eunice who? Eunice is a witch - I thought you should know. What did the young witch say to her mother? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight? Why did the wizard wear red, white and blue braces? To keep his trousers up. What do you call a wizard from outer space? A flying sorcerer. What is evil and bearded and lives under the sea? A wizard with an aqualung. What did the wizard say to his witch girlfriend? Hello gore-juice! Why did the wizard jump off the top of the Empire State Building? He wanted to make a hit on Broadway. What do you call a wizard who only casts good spells? A charming fellow. What do you call a wizard who lies on the floor? Matt. What do you call a wizard lying in the gutter? Dwayne. Who did the wizard marry? His ghoul-friend. What do you call a wizard who has fallen into the sea in a barrel? Bob. What did the wizard say at the end of a long, hard day? I'm going gnome. Q. What kind of hair do merpeople have? A. Wavey hair! Q. Why did the mummie sing on stage? A. He wanted to be a wrap star! Q. What did the ghost cook for dessert? A. Booberry pie Q. How good is Professor Tonks with a wond? A. She is wonderful… Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? A. Dayscare centers. Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? A. His ghoul friend. Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert? A. I Scream. Q. What do witches put on their hair? A. Scare spray. Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A. Bamboo. Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make? A. Boo boos. Q. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep? A. Because of his coffin. Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies? A. They’re good at keeping things under wraps. Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party? A. Because everyone was a goblin! Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet? A. With a pumpkin patch. Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang? A. His other fang. Q. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie? A. Because you can see right through him. Q. What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A. Hello, hello. Q. What do you find at the end of everything? A. The letter “g” Q. What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A. Put them in a barking lot. Q. Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A. He wanted to be a cool cat. Q. Why can’t the cat fly on a broom stick? A. He was to fat to fly. Knock knock Q. Who’s there? A. Stupid Stupid who Stupid you Q. Why did the wizard cross the road? A. To ge to the other flying side. Q. Which Death Eater can’t keep his sunglasses on? A. Loose-ears Malfoy. Q. Why does Ronald Weasley absoluetly LOVE McDonald's? A. Because Ronald McDonald is a clown, too! Q. What is a ghosts least fave room in a house? A. A living room!!!!!