Silver Eyes
Title:Silver Eyes
Arthur:Ladigrifon
Pairing: Remus/Draco
Warning:Male/Male PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters I just borrowed them for a while. They are owned By J.K.Rowling.
I hope you enjoy the tale.
Journal of Remus John Lupin found among the things put away after his death.
The pale witch sat with the many boxes of things surrounding her that must be gone through. Her long time friend had died and having no other family she had offered to take charge and clean the house and organize the things for the heir. Remus had left in his will that upon his death everything he owned was to go to Draco Malfoy. That was in itself quite a shock to the wizards who knew him well, or so they thought.
In one of the stacks of things in the bottom of the huge carved desk she found a rather well worn journal. Feeling rather like an intruder she only meant to glance at the book and yet found herself drawn into it's tale as one drawn into a story so fantastic it defies the putting away of the volume.
In the beginning she tried to just skim the journal reading random passages here and there. Realizing as she went how very little she had known about this wonderfully, caring man.
September.
Today I noticed his eyes. Did you know they are just like yours? I know he has not your soul. And yet to be honest I never gave him the chance to know me. What if I look closer and find he has your smile and your hands? I would truly be damned to a living hell if I found that was the case. Much better I keep my distance and kep him at arms length. For I swear to gaze into those eyes that are so much yours is pure torture. Merlin I miss you.
October:
The autumn wind is bringing the smells of smoke and burning leaves. I remember when we went on that long trek into the forbidden forest with Prongs and Wormtail . Pads do you remember the nights we spent running through the trees and laughing like loons? I am afraid of loosing the laughter. More than anything I am afraid of loosing that.
December:
Christmas eve and I miss you more than words could ever tell. I remember when we all crawled into bed together and drank our forbidden firewhiskey and sang at the top of our lungs keeping everyone awake while James gathered snow from the open window to fling at any who managed to knock upon our door. You were so warm next to me. I am never warm now. That night was the best night I can remember. Falling alseep in your arms after everyone had gone to their own lonely beds and pretending we were so much drunker than we were when they found us still together in the morning. It was wonderful. We were so happy then. Those days during our schooling. Even with my monthly curse you were always with me making sure I didn't do too much damage to myself or others.
February:
The snow is falling deeper and ever deeper. I have been standing for days on the out side of Azkaban. They have taken you away. They say you killed James and Lily. I know better. I feel it deep in my bones. There is no way you, of all of us, betrayed them. The demon moon is going to be at the zenith tonight and I have no desire to be anywhere but here. I have tried my best to find a way to get to you and my best stinks.
He could hear me howling in the despair of the transformation.I know he could. The sounds even bother me and it is my own lips that can not hold the sheer pain and panic that happens during this time. I must have been something awful to see becuase my hands are broken and bloody and I am sore beyond belief. I have dirt all over me and seem to remember flashes of trying to claw my way through the stone walls of your prision.
I can't stay here any longer. The pain is too great and my mind is too weakened to remain. I am going to go to Grimauld and see if I can find the solution there. or , at least , something to bring your memory back to me clearly.
March:
I saw him today. I had to pretend I didn't notice him . He has your eyes. Did you realize that your eyes are the same color as the full moon that haunts my very soul? Maybe that is part of my pennance. To be ever drawn to the very thing that is my curse. Dumbledore, that barmy old codger , has asked me to meet with him and see if I can find out what side he is really on. My God, he has no clue that this might very well be my own undoing. There is no way out for me. I can't explain why I can't do this simple thing and so I undertake it with my heart and soul locked as tightly as I can possibly inside myself.
April:
I met with him yesterday and I am truly damned. He has your eyes you know. Those silver orbs that pierce to my very soul. He has your smile. I never wanted to know that. Now I do and I can't put the image from my mind. He has your hands and I am doomed. There is so much of you in him. I never wanted to know that. I never wanted to begin to care. Not again . He has your eyes and I am lost forever to a living shadow of you. I can't let myself care for him. I know how you will laugh. I can almost hear your laughter ringing in my ears.
May:
Spring is here and the scent of the plants on the breeze is intoxicating. . I am meeting him tonight in the garden beside my home. The house itself is nothing special but it is my own and comfortable. We are friends now and I look forward to his coming with more happiness than I ever thought I would have again. He has your eyes you know . My heart quickens at the sound of his subtle rapping upon the door and I rush to answer it. He is smiling at me and the smile is yours. It used to be torture to look at him and now it is my salvation. He holds the laughter.
I opened the door and joined him on the porch. He smiled and told me in his silken voice that he would very much like to walk in my garden. He seems to like the spices and the small flowers best. I am delighted that anything I have pleases him.
Merlin, He touched my hand. We were walking and talking of nothing really and he took my hand. My breath caught in my throat and the world seemed to stand still for one glorious moment. He has your hands. I never realized how I have missed the feeling of your hand in mine.
This day is an almost perfect day.
June:
He is coming tonight. The solstice has just passed and I have been away from him for too long.. But it is way to dangerous for him to be around me during the time of transformation. He is not as prepared to deal with that as you were. I could be with you anytime and not have fear I would do you harm. I feel giddy as I prepare for his coming.. I have made the dishes I know he likes and the garden is in full bloom.
I open the door and gaze into those silver orbs. He has your eyes you know.He isn't smiling and I am suddenly cold. I ask him if he would like to come inside or walk in the gardens and talk. He gave me a half smile and said he would very much like to go into the garden. I am afraid of this mood .I have never seen him so withdrawn and so pensive. I open the door to the subtle knock I know to be his and gaze into those eyes. Silver orbs that seem to find my very soul. He doesn't smile tonight and I wonder what is wrong. I delight in his smile for it is yours.
As we walked in the garden he took my hand once more and held it as if he were going on a long journey and this was goodbye. I am so afraid. We sat together upon the cool stone bench and looked at the garden in the twilight. I was afraid to speak and almost afraid to breathe for fear of shattering him. The silence was so thick you could have sliced it.
Then the unthinkable happened. He turned those silver eyes to me and placed his free hand upon my cheek. My world reeled with his soft touch. Drawn by those eyes and his touch I found myself leaning closer and closer to claim his lips in a soft gentle kiss. The feeling was electric and the current that passed between us was like nothing I had felt in so many years.
I pulled away slightly to look into his eyes and see if I had just shocked him beyond all believeing when he wrapped his arms around me and brought his lips to mine for a deep soul stirring kiss that rocked my world and left me breathless. My eyes closed and I could only think of his arms around me and those lips upon mine soft and demanding as they parted to let his tongue dance softly over my lips and at their parting enter my own mouth to be sucked gently into that dance of wanting. .
I have no idea how long we stayed in the garden on that bench just holding each other and kissing.. Looking back it seems like no time at all but then it seemed like a blissful eternity.
August:
Summer is almost gone but he is like spring. Rarely a day goes by when he is not with me. I look forward to his coming as a child to Christmas morning and yet we have not come to completely belong one to the other. I don't know what stops me. He has your eyes and your smile and your hands. But most of all he has your laugh. I suppose the thing that stops me from that final step is the feeling of betrayl I feel when ever I kiss him or hold him. He has parts of you but he is not you. Sometimes I hate being so tied to your memory I can't breath. Why can't I forget? Why can't I let go? I hold to your memory as if it were my armour and my shrine. He has your eyes you know.
I am going to do it. There is no turning back. It isn't fair to him to make him stand in the shadow of a ghost. I need him. I need his warmth and his laughter and his eyes.
November :
Thanksgiving. Truly a time to be thankful. He is coming for dinner and I have prepared everything just the way he likes it. Our new found closeness is the most wonderful amazing thing. I never thought I would love again or be able to love . Thoughts of you are still very real but my reality has a face and real hands now. He has your eyes. Did I mention that?
He entered the house no longer having the need to knock but with his own key. His eyes and his mouth are smiling. How could I have ever kept him from me for so long? That platinum hair that shines so in the light and the dancing silver eyes and those hands so smooth and yet so caring and so strong.
He comes to me across the room and we are one lips hungrily seeking sustanance in the other. His soft hands find their way under my silk shirt and begin to caress my body scarred and worn with years of abuse. He doesn't seem to care. He caressed me tenderly and my body finding a voice of its own returned his caresses with their own. His body so slender and trim and fit. The skin silken and perfect under my exploring hands. His body is fast becomming my shrine and the alter where I place my life and my happiness. He holds the laughter . His eyes hold the joy.
Dinner for the time forgotten as we make our way up the stairs and into the bedroom to shortly find ourselves totally wrapped in each other , clothing thrown akimbo and askew over the floor as we hurridly shed them on our entry into the blessed chamber.
This is the true alter and I offer myself to him in sacrifice to our passions. He in return offered himself to me. Both our bodies and minds of one accord. Mine to please him and find forgivness in his kiss and absolution in his body.
January:
The snow is falling and I shall never be warm again. My soul is as cold as the very snow that covers the sleeping ground. We had not enough time. Less than a thousand days when he came to me with the news that shattered both our worlds.
He entered the room and there was the most haunted look I have ever seen in anyone's eyes. Even yours when you were just out of Azkaban. My breath froze in my chest and my heart clenched. Something was terriably wrong.
He came to me and we sat upon the sofa just holding each other for the longest time before he could draw breath to speak to me in that soft silver tone he used always to me.
He told me he had been called. That his father had summoned him and he was to take the mark on the following day. He had no choice. Take the mark and join his family or die. The Malfoy's never joke about the Dark Lord or their place in his orginization. The tears that fell from his eyes, your eyes , wrenched my heart and I felt as if that very organ was being torn from my body to hang somewhere for the birds to nibble upon. I knew hatred then. Worse than any I have ever known. I truly hate Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort worse than I ever did before. Couldn't they see that this man was special. He had avoided the marking as long as possible and now there was no choice.
We both knew this night would be our last. Our final good bye. It would be much to dangerous for us to ever be seen together again. Death for him and slow torture for me or both of us if, the Dark Lord were to find out our true feelings for each other.
We spent the night wrapped closely in each others arms trying to commit to memory every detail of each others face and bodies and scents.
July:
It is summer and I sit alone in the garden and think of you. The air is full of the scent of your favorite plants. I can almost taste you if I close my eyes and remember. I no longer have the will to do anything but wait. I have not the heart to fight or the will to go. I sometimes catch glimpses of you along a busy street or alone sitting on the park bench. Do you ever think of me? I am so lonely I can almost slice the silence that envelops me and yet, I use it like armour to keep everyone else away. I don't want anyone to make the memories fade. He has your eyes you know and your smile and your hands. But no one has the laughter. It has gone.
The pale red haired witch placed the book inside an envelope and wrote upon the outside in her neatest script.
For:Draco Malfoy
Private.
She felt he alone had the right to read it all. She felt guilty for even reading the few passages she had and now that she knew the true depths of the love this friend had held for Draco she vowed to be a bit kinder to him. If he held even half the love for Remus she knew he would need a friend. Thinking back she thought surely he must have held the same love. It was the talk of the wizarding world how Draco would be the last of the Malfoy line since he refused to marry and never even dated. Now , she understood. He wasn't the cold hearted bastard everyone thought. He had loved not only deeply but too well.
Arthur:Ladigrifon
Pairing: Remus/Draco
Warning:Male/Male PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters I just borrowed them for a while. They are owned By J.K.Rowling.
I hope you enjoy the tale.
Journal of Remus John Lupin found among the things put away after his death.
The pale witch sat with the many boxes of things surrounding her that must be gone through. Her long time friend had died and having no other family she had offered to take charge and clean the house and organize the things for the heir. Remus had left in his will that upon his death everything he owned was to go to Draco Malfoy. That was in itself quite a shock to the wizards who knew him well, or so they thought.
In one of the stacks of things in the bottom of the huge carved desk she found a rather well worn journal. Feeling rather like an intruder she only meant to glance at the book and yet found herself drawn into it's tale as one drawn into a story so fantastic it defies the putting away of the volume.
In the beginning she tried to just skim the journal reading random passages here and there. Realizing as she went how very little she had known about this wonderfully, caring man.
September.
Today I noticed his eyes. Did you know they are just like yours? I know he has not your soul. And yet to be honest I never gave him the chance to know me. What if I look closer and find he has your smile and your hands? I would truly be damned to a living hell if I found that was the case. Much better I keep my distance and kep him at arms length. For I swear to gaze into those eyes that are so much yours is pure torture. Merlin I miss you.
October:
The autumn wind is bringing the smells of smoke and burning leaves. I remember when we went on that long trek into the forbidden forest with Prongs and Wormtail . Pads do you remember the nights we spent running through the trees and laughing like loons? I am afraid of loosing the laughter. More than anything I am afraid of loosing that.
December:
Christmas eve and I miss you more than words could ever tell. I remember when we all crawled into bed together and drank our forbidden firewhiskey and sang at the top of our lungs keeping everyone awake while James gathered snow from the open window to fling at any who managed to knock upon our door. You were so warm next to me. I am never warm now. That night was the best night I can remember. Falling alseep in your arms after everyone had gone to their own lonely beds and pretending we were so much drunker than we were when they found us still together in the morning. It was wonderful. We were so happy then. Those days during our schooling. Even with my monthly curse you were always with me making sure I didn't do too much damage to myself or others.
February:
The snow is falling deeper and ever deeper. I have been standing for days on the out side of Azkaban. They have taken you away. They say you killed James and Lily. I know better. I feel it deep in my bones. There is no way you, of all of us, betrayed them. The demon moon is going to be at the zenith tonight and I have no desire to be anywhere but here. I have tried my best to find a way to get to you and my best stinks.
He could hear me howling in the despair of the transformation.I know he could. The sounds even bother me and it is my own lips that can not hold the sheer pain and panic that happens during this time. I must have been something awful to see becuase my hands are broken and bloody and I am sore beyond belief. I have dirt all over me and seem to remember flashes of trying to claw my way through the stone walls of your prision.
I can't stay here any longer. The pain is too great and my mind is too weakened to remain. I am going to go to Grimauld and see if I can find the solution there. or , at least , something to bring your memory back to me clearly.
March:
I saw him today. I had to pretend I didn't notice him . He has your eyes. Did you realize that your eyes are the same color as the full moon that haunts my very soul? Maybe that is part of my pennance. To be ever drawn to the very thing that is my curse. Dumbledore, that barmy old codger , has asked me to meet with him and see if I can find out what side he is really on. My God, he has no clue that this might very well be my own undoing. There is no way out for me. I can't explain why I can't do this simple thing and so I undertake it with my heart and soul locked as tightly as I can possibly inside myself.
April:
I met with him yesterday and I am truly damned. He has your eyes you know. Those silver orbs that pierce to my very soul. He has your smile. I never wanted to know that. Now I do and I can't put the image from my mind. He has your hands and I am doomed. There is so much of you in him. I never wanted to know that. I never wanted to begin to care. Not again . He has your eyes and I am lost forever to a living shadow of you. I can't let myself care for him. I know how you will laugh. I can almost hear your laughter ringing in my ears.
May:
Spring is here and the scent of the plants on the breeze is intoxicating. . I am meeting him tonight in the garden beside my home. The house itself is nothing special but it is my own and comfortable. We are friends now and I look forward to his coming with more happiness than I ever thought I would have again. He has your eyes you know . My heart quickens at the sound of his subtle rapping upon the door and I rush to answer it. He is smiling at me and the smile is yours. It used to be torture to look at him and now it is my salvation. He holds the laughter.
I opened the door and joined him on the porch. He smiled and told me in his silken voice that he would very much like to walk in my garden. He seems to like the spices and the small flowers best. I am delighted that anything I have pleases him.
Merlin, He touched my hand. We were walking and talking of nothing really and he took my hand. My breath caught in my throat and the world seemed to stand still for one glorious moment. He has your hands. I never realized how I have missed the feeling of your hand in mine.
This day is an almost perfect day.
June:
He is coming tonight. The solstice has just passed and I have been away from him for too long.. But it is way to dangerous for him to be around me during the time of transformation. He is not as prepared to deal with that as you were. I could be with you anytime and not have fear I would do you harm. I feel giddy as I prepare for his coming.. I have made the dishes I know he likes and the garden is in full bloom.
I open the door and gaze into those silver orbs. He has your eyes you know.He isn't smiling and I am suddenly cold. I ask him if he would like to come inside or walk in the gardens and talk. He gave me a half smile and said he would very much like to go into the garden. I am afraid of this mood .I have never seen him so withdrawn and so pensive. I open the door to the subtle knock I know to be his and gaze into those eyes. Silver orbs that seem to find my very soul. He doesn't smile tonight and I wonder what is wrong. I delight in his smile for it is yours.
As we walked in the garden he took my hand once more and held it as if he were going on a long journey and this was goodbye. I am so afraid. We sat together upon the cool stone bench and looked at the garden in the twilight. I was afraid to speak and almost afraid to breathe for fear of shattering him. The silence was so thick you could have sliced it.
Then the unthinkable happened. He turned those silver eyes to me and placed his free hand upon my cheek. My world reeled with his soft touch. Drawn by those eyes and his touch I found myself leaning closer and closer to claim his lips in a soft gentle kiss. The feeling was electric and the current that passed between us was like nothing I had felt in so many years.
I pulled away slightly to look into his eyes and see if I had just shocked him beyond all believeing when he wrapped his arms around me and brought his lips to mine for a deep soul stirring kiss that rocked my world and left me breathless. My eyes closed and I could only think of his arms around me and those lips upon mine soft and demanding as they parted to let his tongue dance softly over my lips and at their parting enter my own mouth to be sucked gently into that dance of wanting. .
I have no idea how long we stayed in the garden on that bench just holding each other and kissing.. Looking back it seems like no time at all but then it seemed like a blissful eternity.
August:
Summer is almost gone but he is like spring. Rarely a day goes by when he is not with me. I look forward to his coming as a child to Christmas morning and yet we have not come to completely belong one to the other. I don't know what stops me. He has your eyes and your smile and your hands. But most of all he has your laugh. I suppose the thing that stops me from that final step is the feeling of betrayl I feel when ever I kiss him or hold him. He has parts of you but he is not you. Sometimes I hate being so tied to your memory I can't breath. Why can't I forget? Why can't I let go? I hold to your memory as if it were my armour and my shrine. He has your eyes you know.
I am going to do it. There is no turning back. It isn't fair to him to make him stand in the shadow of a ghost. I need him. I need his warmth and his laughter and his eyes.
November :
Thanksgiving. Truly a time to be thankful. He is coming for dinner and I have prepared everything just the way he likes it. Our new found closeness is the most wonderful amazing thing. I never thought I would love again or be able to love . Thoughts of you are still very real but my reality has a face and real hands now. He has your eyes. Did I mention that?
He entered the house no longer having the need to knock but with his own key. His eyes and his mouth are smiling. How could I have ever kept him from me for so long? That platinum hair that shines so in the light and the dancing silver eyes and those hands so smooth and yet so caring and so strong.
He comes to me across the room and we are one lips hungrily seeking sustanance in the other. His soft hands find their way under my silk shirt and begin to caress my body scarred and worn with years of abuse. He doesn't seem to care. He caressed me tenderly and my body finding a voice of its own returned his caresses with their own. His body so slender and trim and fit. The skin silken and perfect under my exploring hands. His body is fast becomming my shrine and the alter where I place my life and my happiness. He holds the laughter . His eyes hold the joy.
Dinner for the time forgotten as we make our way up the stairs and into the bedroom to shortly find ourselves totally wrapped in each other , clothing thrown akimbo and askew over the floor as we hurridly shed them on our entry into the blessed chamber.
This is the true alter and I offer myself to him in sacrifice to our passions. He in return offered himself to me. Both our bodies and minds of one accord. Mine to please him and find forgivness in his kiss and absolution in his body.
January:
The snow is falling and I shall never be warm again. My soul is as cold as the very snow that covers the sleeping ground. We had not enough time. Less than a thousand days when he came to me with the news that shattered both our worlds.
He entered the room and there was the most haunted look I have ever seen in anyone's eyes. Even yours when you were just out of Azkaban. My breath froze in my chest and my heart clenched. Something was terriably wrong.
He came to me and we sat upon the sofa just holding each other for the longest time before he could draw breath to speak to me in that soft silver tone he used always to me.
He told me he had been called. That his father had summoned him and he was to take the mark on the following day. He had no choice. Take the mark and join his family or die. The Malfoy's never joke about the Dark Lord or their place in his orginization. The tears that fell from his eyes, your eyes , wrenched my heart and I felt as if that very organ was being torn from my body to hang somewhere for the birds to nibble upon. I knew hatred then. Worse than any I have ever known. I truly hate Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort worse than I ever did before. Couldn't they see that this man was special. He had avoided the marking as long as possible and now there was no choice.
We both knew this night would be our last. Our final good bye. It would be much to dangerous for us to ever be seen together again. Death for him and slow torture for me or both of us if, the Dark Lord were to find out our true feelings for each other.
We spent the night wrapped closely in each others arms trying to commit to memory every detail of each others face and bodies and scents.
July:
It is summer and I sit alone in the garden and think of you. The air is full of the scent of your favorite plants. I can almost taste you if I close my eyes and remember. I no longer have the will to do anything but wait. I have not the heart to fight or the will to go. I sometimes catch glimpses of you along a busy street or alone sitting on the park bench. Do you ever think of me? I am so lonely I can almost slice the silence that envelops me and yet, I use it like armour to keep everyone else away. I don't want anyone to make the memories fade. He has your eyes you know and your smile and your hands. But no one has the laughter. It has gone.
The pale red haired witch placed the book inside an envelope and wrote upon the outside in her neatest script.
For:Draco Malfoy
Private.
She felt he alone had the right to read it all. She felt guilty for even reading the few passages she had and now that she knew the true depths of the love this friend had held for Draco she vowed to be a bit kinder to him. If he held even half the love for Remus she knew he would need a friend. Thinking back she thought surely he must have held the same love. It was the talk of the wizarding world how Draco would be the last of the Malfoy line since he refused to marry and never even dated. Now , she understood. He wasn't the cold hearted bastard everyone thought. He had loved not only deeply but too well.