Analysis: "Private Lives"
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"Private Lives"
or how House said nothing and Wilson almost got deaf by the noise
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an analysis by MEW & luridlurker
The leitmotivs of this episode are privacy, identity and how one is perceived by others and oneself. How much privacy do people need, what do they reveal about themselves and to whom? Do they allow friends to get a glimpse into their feelings and thoughts or is that something they’re more comfortable granting people they’ll most likely never meet in person?
Nowadays many people feel safe to expose their deepest secrets on the Internet, talking to strangers in their personal journals while unable to talk to close friends or loved ones, either because they refuse to communicate like this week’s patient’s husband, or like House-because talking face-to-face seems harder when rejection and disappointment might be the result, which is why House prefers reading a book written by his biological father instead of visiting him and really getting to know him.
House is generally very careful about revealing himself to anybody, but he also feels the deep need for connection and longs to be understood by like-minded people. So he believes getting to know more about his real father might ease his loneliness and provide an insight into his own personality.
What he underestimates, though, is the degree to which he already is understood by Wilson. It might take some time for him to get there but Wilson still always manages to find him, doubtlessly also because of his own deep need for connection with House. Like Frankie, the POTW, who often feels shut out by her husband, Wilson is the more communicative part in their relationship; for him talking often is essentially important. And House's silence and inability to open up force him to play Sherlock Holmes and figure out what is really going on himself--reducing House's privacy but confirming his identity at the same time.
But what about identity and self-image? Are strangers interested in relationships willing to look for the real you or do they just look at your surface? House, Wilson and Chase are about to dwell on that when they go speed dating.
Before asking House along Wilson arranged to meet with Chase there--probably because he didn't want to go alone and thought it was unlikely that House would accompay him. It seems as if he hadn't intended to let House in on his plans for the evening at all, perhaps afraid he'd be ridiculed for even considering going to such an event, otherwise he'd certainly have mentioned it before. But seeing which porn movie is going to be part of House's entertainment for the evening, his immediate goal is to distract House and lure him away before he can take a closer look at what he has rented. So there they are.
During the whole evening Wilson remains true to himself, even though he realizes soon enough that “I’m an oncologist“ is a real bad opener for conversation, especially if he wants to hit on somebody. Despite his growing unhappiness as the evening progresses, he doesn’t change his approach but sticks to being himself, going as far as offering to listen to the women in case they want to talk about their feelings or the people they’ve lost due to cancer. He’s clearly not going out to have a one-night-stand. Otherwise he’d be pulling a stunt with them, would schmooze them with his charm and present himself in the most favorable light.
But mabye he's grown tired of that. Maybe the older he gets, the more he wants people to see his real self since he's been married often enough to know that a pretty face and slim body isn't what truly makes you feel loved or connected to another person, at least enough to keep them at your side and in your life. And his own personality traits have become more and more ingrained over the years.
The same applies for House. “Speed dating is a meat market,” and he’s not happy about finding Chase there, knowing he won’t win against him in direct competition because generally people don’t look beyond the outward appearance to judge you, at least not at the first encounter, and everything they care about is the shell, a pretty face or a young, fit body. And House is well aware that he has to offer none of that. Still, he doesn’t try to trick the women present into believing he’s exactly what they wish for as he did with Nora in “The Down Low.” Of course he could present himself as utterly charming, soft-spoken and caring, giving a convincing performance women would fall for, but he doesn’t see the point. This time he is just House, accompanying Wilson and probably trying to find out whether he himself might (still) be attractive for singles seeking a one-night-stand/potential partner. Or he's simply taking it as an excursion into strange human behavior, which probably seemed better than a lonely evening with cheap pornos.
Interestingly, House doesn’t mock Wilson for his lack of success with all the “somebodies” he was out to meet there. So far he hasn’t addressed his friend’s physical change: Wilson has gained weight, his hair has become a little thinner, his face a bit more tired. If House ever brought that up, he’d have to face the fact that he himself is at least partly responsible: Constant worry about House, losing Amber, loneliness, and long lasting depression have left their mark. And House might not be ready for that kind of self-confrontation yet.
Perhaps House is even glad Wilson doesn’t end up with a bunch of names since he’s prone to fall for the most unsuitable women out there. Accompanying Wilson gives House the chance to keep an eye on him and to scare every person away who seems unworthy of Wilson’s attention in his eyes-which would be everybody, since he wants to keep him entirely for himself.
While he seems somewhat unenthusiastic, House still tries to tell the first woman he meets something about himself, revealing his true job and giving her a taste of his usual sarcasm when she doesn’t regard him as an individual but puts him into the category "doctors," showing with her body language and voice that she doesn't consider him interesting or attractive. He clearly has the hots for the next woman, who scores big time mentioning she doesn’t want kids and bigger boobs, but her attraction to religion simply puts him off. He can’t ignore his own beliefs and principles.
He probably could’ve left with the fake police officer, but he feels bored by her the moment he’s figured out her scheme and can’t wait for the scheduled five minutes to end--even though it was a beautiful woman, that most likely appealed to him physically with her dark brown, Wilson-like eyes.
Neither House nor Wilson try to pretend to be something they aren’t which proves that they crave something else but meaningless sex: connection and something real (while still not getting that they’re already having both--in each other).
The only one slipping into a different role is Chase who’s got enough to hide with still being married and having killed a patient, even without adopting the slightly unappealing fake personality House invents for him. Obviously, Chase doesn’t care whether he gets laid or not either, otherwise he wouldn’t have accepted a bet that-in his opinion-was bound to ruin his chances to attract any of the females present.
At the end he’s still the one who leaves with an impressive stack of names, which clearly confirms House’s assumption that it is hard if not impossible to find someone willing to look beyond the merely physical. It’s unlikely that Chase will call any of them, though, since he is left in a much too pensive mood to enjoy a quick romp after this experience and stumbles right into a personal crisis, not sure anymore whether his relationship with Cameron has ever been real or just based on mutual attraction and convenience.
All of them want to be seen as they are. Anything else wouldn’t work for them, would be meaningless in the long run for the three men who most of all go speed dating to overcome their inner, emotional loneliness, not the outer, physical one to get their rocks off.
The whole speed dating scenario also foreshadows how a possible relationship between House and Cuddy is likely to end: What Chase says about himself and Cameron would also apply for them; beauty and sex appeal-while both qualities House feels attracted to-are not enough to build a stable, meaningful relationship, and once again it is stressed that House loves big boobs and is not a family man envisioning a life with kids.
Back to the central themes "privacy" and “identity”: The episode also reveals that House is still in therapy with Dr. Nolan and probably trying to come to terms with his childhood. Since he discovered at the age of 12 that not John House but a Unitarian minister called Thomas Bell was his biological father, it is well possible this realization is the origin of his contempt for religion. After all, he experienced up close and personal that religious people often don’t live up to what they’re preaching-and he suffered greatly because of it. As House grew older, his initial rejection probably became more and more based on more rational and scientific thinking--House is simply too intelligent to be superstitious.
For the first time--at last as far as we know--he directly confronts the issue of his true parentage, trying to uncover more about his father, the way he ticks and what kind of person he truly is-to find answers about himself. Instead of seeking the minister out directly, House obtains the only book he’s ever written, a volume of sermons, which is already out of print, attempting to read between the lines to find a deeper meaning behind all the irrelevant “God stuff”.
House probably wonders whether he would be different if he had grown up with his biological father, if Bell would have been more understanding and loving than his stepfather had been. What would House be like with a different upbringing, if his parents had managed to instill him with a basic sense of trust in the world? Would he be as damaged and emotionally vulnerable and lonely as he is, if his childhood had been less rife with cruelty and lack of understanding for a highly intellectually gifted boy (but filled with preaching and conversations about irrationalities instead)?
When being confronted with the book by Wilson, House immediately reacts with physical pain, grabbing the table for support before he can mask it. Wilson is instantly worried, not getting the psychosomatic component right away. But as it was in “Wilson” when hearing that his best friend was on the verge of donating a lobe of his liver, feeling the fear of losing him overwhelm him, House reacts physically to emotional stress-and his leg hurts more than usual again. This shows he’s not ready to talk about what is truly going on inside of him yet. He doesn’t answer any of Wilson’s questions and doesn’t say much to his carefully voiced concern either. Just: “Trust me,” as if willing him to understand that he still needs more time to finish the book and thinking everything through until he’s ready to talk.
Originally, Wilson just intended to dig up something that House doesn’t want to become public knowledge, but discovering the kind of literature his best friend is reading makes him pause. That he goes as far as to wonder whether House might seek comfort in something he despises as greatly as religion shows how much Wilson knows about the degree of pain House is still in at times. His pain might be more manageable thanks to alternative drugs and dealing with his emotional/trust issues in a talk-therapeutic way, but it's definitely not completely gone and bothers House more than he usually lets on. Wilson is aware of that but tries to quietly accept the way House deals with it, signalling that he’ll be there should House ever want to talk about it, but respecting House's obvious wish not to center his whole life on it.
House is not as thoughtful when it comes to protecting Wilson's privacy and embarrassing secrets, though: Maybe his own inner turmoil is one reason-aside from wanting to see Wilson squirm-why House can’t help himself but uses footage of the cheesy movie Wilson took part in as a college kid to make fun of him. He probably needs something to distract himself from all the deep and troubling thoughts, and Wilson is so uptight when it comes to sexuality that it’s fun to watch him freak out. Of course Wilson hadn’t known his fellow would actually become a director (apparently, rather an unsuccessful one) who’d use it to make money by changing it--with added scenes--to a porn without getting the approval of his naive original friend-actors first.
For Wilson what people think of him is extremely important. He always does his utmost not to offend anybody, not to violate unsaid rules or to disappoint people’s expectations. And he values his privacy and consciously decides which aspects of his personality become visible and when.
House’s witty prank takes that power away from him. His own sexual interest in Wilson that way might also be hinted at by the way he completely focuses on the movie and the fact that he regards it as suitable masturbating material-and probably not just because of the busty blonde girl. Wilson is known for his skill as a lover, something House also seemed very interested in when Bonnie bragged about it during her and House’s last encounter, and he probably (hopefully) wonders what it would be like if all that interest and skill was suddenly turned to him.
While the staff mercilessly teases Wilson wherever he goes, he also realizes that having seen him on the posters in ridiculous costumes with cheesy lines--and probably even in the movie itself--doesn’t diminish their respect for him. It doesn’t change who he is.
Maybe that is what House tried to make him realize. Being open about sexuality is harmless and easy in contrast to being open about emotions. At least for him.
As long as it isn’t about feelings House is an open book, in many respects: He makes no secrets of paying hookers, of gambling with bookies, of being an atheist or of being a jerk who says what he thinks-as long as it isn’t connected to real intimacy. And Wilson would never use that against him. So finding something usable for a proper payback is not easy, not even for his best friend, who knows him better than anyone else.
Chase mentions the book House is secretly reading and Chase is the one who uses it for a prank in the end even though Wilson has wanted him to keep quiet about it, not sure why House might have started reading a volume containing sermons.
In retrospect Chase’s intervention helped Wilson to learn about the author, though, which finally opens a conversation between him and House. Wilson knows right away that reading such a book written by a minister won’t get House anywhere, but House can’t deal with the thought of seeking out the man directly yet. What if he doesn’t believe him? Doesn’t want to hear any of it? Would House be able to handle being rejected by his biological father whom he regards as a possible key to his own personality at this point?
Both of House’s fathers represent something he deeply resents and undoubtedly both of them have had an influence on him, one genetically, the other one educationally: While the minister hides behind lies and religion, despite having been involved with a married woman, his stepfather was known to have “an insane moral compass that won't let you lie to anybody about anything” (2x05).
So maybe John House knew about his wife’s betrayal and that Gregory was not his biological child all along and that was a reason why he always insisted on complete honesty-that is, what he perceived as honesty, not tolerating other viewpoints of conflicting ideas.
John and Blythe House probably agreed not to talk about the incident again, pretending it didn’t happen as if it could be made less true by closing their eyes to the facts at hand. And whenever House, Jr. did something House, Sr. didn’t approve of, he was punished in a way that was supposed to toughen him up and make him a real man in John House’s eyes, to the son he was supposed to be, if he had been his biological son, as John imagined. A younger version of himself, a clone. Even the slightest discrepancy was fiercely punished, especially when they differed intellectually, since that was visible proof that Greg was not his child.
That also might explain John House’s reaction when House told him that he found out about his real father when he was just a kid.
Those thoughts probably go through House’s head in that episode as well.
At the end, many personal secrets are revealed in “Private Lives”:
Frankie, the POTW, can’t stand not telling the truth about anything that is going on with her life, using her blog to get in touch with people all over the world, seeking meaning and connection to others thinking like her. The moment she starts to pick things she wants to let her online buddies know while leaving others out on purpose would mean dishonesty and ruin her chance of getting in touch with people able to ease her own loneliness. Her husband Taylor longs for an exclusive relationship without the constant virtual presence and intrusion of strangers his wife meets in a world foreign and incomprehensible to him. But at least partly he is to blame for that as well: He seems to be the quiet, uncommunicative type that doesn’t speak about his thoughts and feelings, and she’s unable to tell what’s going on by relying on his body language and facial expression.
Besides, not even in their own four walls they've got the privacy he craves since their nosy neighbor feels irritated by the slightest noise and hears them argue all the time through the paper-thin walls separating their apartments. Taylor accuses Frankie of turning their life into the entertainment of her online "friends," but for their neighbor listening in to them pretty much has the same function: For him their life is an endless soap opera.
But is verbal language alone really capable of expressing the complexity of emotions, thoughts and the world at large? Words can be treacherous, language nothing but a tool, depending on the real intention of the speaker or writer. Not everybody is as honest as Frankie, and the more complex people are, the less satisfied they probably are with the boundaries language naturally sets.
House often uses language merely to distract people from figuring out what is really going on, either in a sarcastic or elusive way. Often important things can’t be expressed in words alone or at all. Knowing how often House uses language for deflection, Wilson doesn’t completely rely on words when it comes to House; he interprets House’s behavior instead and looks for something deeper. That is how he always manages to find him eventually. And why he knows House is lying to him about the origin and meaning of the book without needing to even think about it.
While neither House nor Wilson or Chase are as open about their personal lives as Frankie, they still feel the deep need to be seen and understood as they truly are, for connection with somebody else. In his loneliness Chase finally turns to Thirteen, inflicting himself on her because he doesn’t know who else he can talk to. Yet Chase might also unconsciously follow his own pattern once more by picking her: He’s not immune to physical beauty, of course, and just like Cameron Thirteen is both: attractive and in close proximity.
House, on the other hand, partly lives his life as openly as the young blogger. For everything that goes deeper there's Wilson who reads him like a book, even while claiming not to get House half the time, which is not true. He does. Maybe not completely, but not as little as he assumes either.
On the way out of PPTH Wilson once again proves that he can see right through House by analyzing his motivations and thoughts. He tries to make him realize that there's no reason to hide, that wanting to find out about his father and hoping to discover someone else thinking like him is something everybody can relate to. While attentively listening, House doesn't say a single word; he doesn't help Wilson to figure it out but encourages him to continue by throwing in some nonsense instead. Maybe he needs to hear spoken out loud what he's only been thinking so far--as well as the assurance and support Wilson shows.
Nobody else cares why House is reading such a book. Chase is quick with judging him a "hypocrite" in front of Wilson and doesn't bother to find out whether is assumption is true. The only person who's interested in that, is Wilson whose worry stops him from exposing House to his colleagues and using his finding for a prank. At the end Wilson isn't interested in payback for House’s prank or his own exposure to ridicule anymore. What his best friend is going through--and connecting with him again on an emotional level--is far more important to him at that point. He seems to be much more alive and animated, eager for the welcome chance to be let in into House’s feelings and the way his mind works once again.
Wilson clearly needs House to show his emotional love and vulnerability once in a while, allowing him to feel needed and to help, even if it is just by putting into words what House can't voice himself (yet). And that exactly takes the inner loneliness away that drove Wilson to the "meet" market…and House to reading a book of sermons in his need for connection to somebody thinking like him.
At the end of the episode House and Wilson leave side by side, for the moment at peace with themselves and in tune with each other as always.
A side note: For anybody familiar with Sherlock Holmes, naming House's biological father Thomas Bell was a nice touch. Joseph Bell was the physician Arthur Conan Doyle used for his character, and, of course, House is based on Holmes. So the name alone definitely is a clue to House's true identity, making Thomas Bell to the hypothetical father of Joseph Bell and therefore also of House.