(no subject)
Right now I feel so happy that I can't believe it. And the most wonderful thing is that nothing has happened that's very special. And I must must enjoy it while it lasts. It happened to me in the car and then it just left. But now I'm feeling it again.
It's this moment when you just think " Life is just amazing" I mean, right now, I am LIVING. I am writing this and I'm living, and I'm probably never going to do or think the exact same things I'm doing right now. Each moment is so unique, and just anything can happen. Anything. Like if I choose to go out right now and scream "I LOVE YOU" I can!!!!!!!
This school year is just going to be so different from the last. If not by nature, then I'm going to make it. I have control. I can do anything that I set my mind to. I am not going to bother with silly things, and I'm going to start concentrating on my future...but, you know, without becoming a total study freak like Paris (GilmoreGirls), and I'm just going to enjoy it, really. Even if Maria and me aren't going to be in the same class. This time I'm just going to really be myself and I'm not going to lose my head over things that don't matter. I can do it. And I will.
I have been just turning over and over again in my head really bad things that happened last year, but you know what? They happened. Everything does for a reason, and I think mine was to just realise how much I just have lost self confidence. I mean I can't...or couldn't, be in a fight with just completely freaking out or even crying, which has really been tormenting me because it's those type of girls who are...not pathetic because you know they're sensitive, but I just think get a grip, you know? It's not a really bad thing but I just don't want to anymore. Because I want to be made of stronger stuff, because what the hell am I gonna do when something really bad comes along? These were just stupid annoying baby things. Baby was the only word I could think of there.
And another thing I realised yesterday, is how much my life and how much they way I think has changed. I mean last year I had just left my friends, my house, my neighbour, my home really, and I was just going to hate everyone here. Because they didn't like the same stuff as me anyway, so I immediately classed them as...well...inferior, really. Which is awful. Because it has nothing to do with it. If you don't like the same stuff you just respect it. And they're not really all that bad...:D.Period.
That is what I'm talking about really. I've just gone to change the way I think and the way I see things. And I just realised while sitting in that car, thinking, how much I'm glad that I did get to change and move and just...see things differently. It's amazing how I just hated it and now I'm grateful! It's wonderful. I feel so lucky for some reason. Also, it was almost raining, and Mariah Carey was singing "I give my all", and I realised that Christmas is...well...not around the corner, obviously, but still quite close to my town. And I just love Christmas. And it was just that feeling that made me start thinking all that you've read...or not...above.
Life is amazing.
And PM Love theme is my cheery song from now on. And I am SO going to see Love Actually on Christmas.