Oh, God... My family!

[luv4dragons]

My family is insane.

My extended family is certifiable. 

•  
  • My Great Aunt N___  just had her knee replaced at age 82, says that she's in just as much pain as she was before the sugery, but hasn't taken any pain meds since she came home from the hospital about a month ago...
  • My Grandma's an alcoholic who is never happy, always has something mean to say
  • My Grandpa's half deaf- physically and selectively combined
  • My Aunt M___ is on the verge of bankruptcy and told her oldest son it was okay to go to a private art institute in chicago, had to take out a new loan (already in debt), and then took a paycut to go teach at the school where her younger son will be attending high school.  She doesn't have the money to pay for a new water heater, why does she think it's ok to send her kid to an expensive college, and to pay for it herself instead of making him do it?
  • My Uncle by Marriage (My Aunt Me____ died over a year ago) is refusing to see/speak to some members of the family, has no idea what his 19 year old son A___ is up to (AT ALL)
  • Cousin A___, the 19 yr old, may or may not be getting his GED, but no one knows and no one wants to ask.  But he will tell you that he's taking classes at a community college, and that he's going surfing everyday....
  • My Aunt J___ is a drama queen, is the picture perfect overweight, smoking, cat-lady, spinster aunt.  She elected to live in the cabin that is on my grandparents' property, but she can't stand to be around them.  She took on the task of cleaning up the papers and stuff that my now deceased Aunt Me_____ had hoarded all of her life, but then complains about it to everyone in hearing range.
  • My Aunt Me_____ had hoarded papers and pictures and objects from my Aunt Julie's death, which was over 24 years ago!  She saved a rolodex full of index cards telling who sent flowers and casseroles.  FOR 24 YEARS!  She also took and saved pictures of the open casket.  Which we found when we were going through the boxes this weekend at my Aunt J__'s insistance.
  • My Grandma insists on seeing them, and then comments that my dead aunt Julie looks like my Aunt J___, after discussing that the morticians had put too much makeup on the body and how Julie didn't look very good.  If looks could kill, my grandmother would be ashes right now.
  • Apparently Aunt Julie had the family packrat syndrome, because she saved all of the notes that she passed between her friends in high school.  Yes, all of them.  And her diary was in SPIRAL NOTEBOOKS!
  • Young Julie was a cheerleader.  Yup.  Think stereotypes.  Bubbly, not real bright, bounces between boys in relatively short timeframes, acts out against parents, beginning to get into drugs because she MUST be popular.  It's all there, plain as day in the notes that she was passing to her friends and in her diary.
  • So of course, my family, knowing that I want to write for a living, thinks it will be a wonderful idea to write a book about Julie.
  • And one about my Grandma
  • And one about the entire frickin family (seven children, no food, no money, a great grandfather that would disappear, then come back and expect to be fed and given alcohol, the hard work and long years, and eventually the death of three of the children)
  Sounds fun, right?
  
  If I ever did write what I thought about my family, they would disown me, crucify me, and then expect me to come to thanksgiving and christmas dinners so that they could do it again.
  There is no way in heaven or hell that I am writing a book about my family until every one of them is dead.