No Drama Mama
So there's this girl. My twitter followers will know her as The Parrot. I'm pretty sure I've wrote about here before.
Here's the deal with her. She's married to one of Mike's friends. We've never really gotten along from the day I moved here. At first it wasn't so bad. She was really fake, or blew me off, or was just kinda snotty to me. But I didn't care because I wasn't that interested in being friends with her... Mostly because she's fake, rude, and snotty.
First of all, she has this annoying tendency to speak because she likes the sound of her voice. She'll say things that have no meaning or are actually false just to make herself sound nice or smart. She actually sounds like an idiot to anyone who knows a shred of information about the topic on hand. For example, in a statement she made about going to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test, she claimed that they tried to convince her to have an abortion. Total lie, but she says it to make herself sound interesting. Another example, she often complements things you are wearing or things you have- superficial things. She will frequently say "If I see it in the store, I'm gonna buy it." It always gives me the impression that she thinks trying to be like me is the way to win me over. Especially because she finds away to make this statement in every meeting you have with her. She will remold this phrase into just about anything related to what she's "complimenting." I find this annoying because it's really fake. She doesn't mean it.
Anyway, a while back I let her get to me. She made snotty comments to me, and instead of being the bigger person and turning away, I gave it right back to her. I didn't confront her, but for every time she said something snotty or rude to me, I said something snotty or rude to her. I'm not proud of this. I totally own that this was the wrong course of action. At the time I thought it was better than letting her walk all over me and get away with saying anything. For a time, I even felt bad about it. It kind of back fired and she started acting all victim like and made me out to be a villain.
At that point, I decided the best course of action would be to walk away from the situation. I stopped responding to her comments. I stopped answering her texts. I just tried to let it all go. It was clear to me that we both needed to cool off.
Eventually there was other drama involving some other friends of mine and her. She started posting crap on her facebook page saying nasty things about them. I unfriended her. I just dont' want to watch her badmouth my friends and family on facebook. She said some pretty horrible things that were not true about some people I care deeply for. I think this is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. Boy was she pissed about that. The way she treated me I really thought she'd be happy to have me out of her life.
There was another quiet period where we didn't see/talk to each other. After a while, I felt a little guilty. After all, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand if I hadn't retaliated the way I did. When her daughter was born, I even made an effort. I invited them over- she blew me off. I brought them a bath tub full of baby stuff. A few weeks later I brought her a sweater that Mike's mother knitted for her. I even tried to get her to sit down with me so we could talk about everything. No response.
So, I threw in the towel. Clearly she wanted as much to do with me as I wanted to do with her. And I was really okay with that. Really. The last time we had any contact was late January/early February of this year.
Our only shared connection is CafeMom. CafeMom is a social networking site for moms. I don't use it a ton, but I did meet a nice bunch of ladies who have regular play dates that I sometimes take Lexi to. We aren't friends on it, but we both have profiles. I haven't ever tried to contact her through it. Chances are she knows I have a profile because CafeMom suggests friends for you based on geographical location, interests, and age.
Here's where I am at a loss: about four weeks ago she made Remember that woman I was venting about a while ago who gave me so much crap about not nursing? Well today I'm at her place waiting for her BF, our friend, to get ready to come discing with us. She notices Rory's new carrier and makes comments about how she thinks Rory's not physically ready for it. Goes on about how it's too big and not good for her posture until she can sit up alone (which she can't do 100% yet, but she can still sit). I let it all roll off until she says, "but of course if she were breastfed like Lexi (her daughter) then she'd probably be ready for it."
I lose it.
"You know what, Katy? I give my daughter every drop of breastmilk I can make. It's just plain not enough. If that's not good enough for you then please keep out of my business and quit insinuating that I'm a bad mom. I'm really sick of hearing about it every time I see you."
She starts sputtering apologies and "I didn't mean anything"s.
"I don't care. Just please keep out of it. I don't tell you how to raise Lexi."
Think I won yet? Not quite. Get this.
She sends me a text tonight - "Sorry I made you so upset." I don't respond. A few minutes later - "I'm just trying to help you be a better mom." What. The. HELL.
I reply *ahem* "You have NO RIGHT to judge what makes me a good or bad mom. How dare you. My daughter is healthy and happy and that's as much as you should care. Unless you have something nessisary to tell me, leave me alone. I'm serious I've had enough out of you and I won't take you treating me like I'm some awful mother. Back the FUCK off."
And let me tell you, I feel GREAT.
Moral of the story: Don't take shit from anyone :D on a discussion board on CafeMom.
It's a public board, so anyone can read it if they are members of CafeMom. This made me LIVID. I haven't spoken to her in over 4 months- the event and conversation she describes NEVER HAPPENED. The whole post is a total lie and not only does she name me, but she drags my daughter into it.
I've really been trying to ignore my anger about this because I feel like if I'm confrontational with her, it's just going to end badly. At the same time, ignoring her hasn't worked either- or else she wouldn't have made such a post to begin with.
Why I'm really annoyed: I just want this all to stop. I'm sorry I pushed back when she pushed my buttons. But I've really tried to let go of it all and move on. She keeps dragging me back into drama no matter what I do. It bothers me that she keeps dragging me into crap. It bothers me even more that I get worked up about it?
Today she sent me a text. Nothing earth shattering. Just stating that her daughter out grew the tub I gave them and asking me if I wanted it back. I'm terrified of responding. No matter what, I think she'll play victim: If I say no, then I'm avoiding her. If I say yes, then I'm taking back a gift. If I ignore her, she'll write something nasty about me on some website somewhere. I just can't win.
I'd really love some advice here. Should I just keep ignoring her? Do I respond to the text? Do I finally tell her to fuck off?
I thought I left drama like this in high school. ugh. Make it stop.
Here's the deal with her. She's married to one of Mike's friends. We've never really gotten along from the day I moved here. At first it wasn't so bad. She was really fake, or blew me off, or was just kinda snotty to me. But I didn't care because I wasn't that interested in being friends with her... Mostly because she's fake, rude, and snotty.
First of all, she has this annoying tendency to speak because she likes the sound of her voice. She'll say things that have no meaning or are actually false just to make herself sound nice or smart. She actually sounds like an idiot to anyone who knows a shred of information about the topic on hand. For example, in a statement she made about going to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test, she claimed that they tried to convince her to have an abortion. Total lie, but she says it to make herself sound interesting. Another example, she often complements things you are wearing or things you have- superficial things. She will frequently say "If I see it in the store, I'm gonna buy it." It always gives me the impression that she thinks trying to be like me is the way to win me over. Especially because she finds away to make this statement in every meeting you have with her. She will remold this phrase into just about anything related to what she's "complimenting." I find this annoying because it's really fake. She doesn't mean it.
Anyway, a while back I let her get to me. She made snotty comments to me, and instead of being the bigger person and turning away, I gave it right back to her. I didn't confront her, but for every time she said something snotty or rude to me, I said something snotty or rude to her. I'm not proud of this. I totally own that this was the wrong course of action. At the time I thought it was better than letting her walk all over me and get away with saying anything. For a time, I even felt bad about it. It kind of back fired and she started acting all victim like and made me out to be a villain.
At that point, I decided the best course of action would be to walk away from the situation. I stopped responding to her comments. I stopped answering her texts. I just tried to let it all go. It was clear to me that we both needed to cool off.
Eventually there was other drama involving some other friends of mine and her. She started posting crap on her facebook page saying nasty things about them. I unfriended her. I just dont' want to watch her badmouth my friends and family on facebook. She said some pretty horrible things that were not true about some people I care deeply for. I think this is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. Boy was she pissed about that. The way she treated me I really thought she'd be happy to have me out of her life.
There was another quiet period where we didn't see/talk to each other. After a while, I felt a little guilty. After all, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand if I hadn't retaliated the way I did. When her daughter was born, I even made an effort. I invited them over- she blew me off. I brought them a bath tub full of baby stuff. A few weeks later I brought her a sweater that Mike's mother knitted for her. I even tried to get her to sit down with me so we could talk about everything. No response.
So, I threw in the towel. Clearly she wanted as much to do with me as I wanted to do with her. And I was really okay with that. Really. The last time we had any contact was late January/early February of this year.
Our only shared connection is CafeMom. CafeMom is a social networking site for moms. I don't use it a ton, but I did meet a nice bunch of ladies who have regular play dates that I sometimes take Lexi to. We aren't friends on it, but we both have profiles. I haven't ever tried to contact her through it. Chances are she knows I have a profile because CafeMom suggests friends for you based on geographical location, interests, and age.
Here's where I am at a loss: about four weeks ago she made Remember that woman I was venting about a while ago who gave me so much crap about not nursing? Well today I'm at her place waiting for her BF, our friend, to get ready to come discing with us. She notices Rory's new carrier and makes comments about how she thinks Rory's not physically ready for it. Goes on about how it's too big and not good for her posture until she can sit up alone (which she can't do 100% yet, but she can still sit). I let it all roll off until she says, "but of course if she were breastfed like Lexi (her daughter) then she'd probably be ready for it."
I lose it.
"You know what, Katy? I give my daughter every drop of breastmilk I can make. It's just plain not enough. If that's not good enough for you then please keep out of my business and quit insinuating that I'm a bad mom. I'm really sick of hearing about it every time I see you."
She starts sputtering apologies and "I didn't mean anything"s.
"I don't care. Just please keep out of it. I don't tell you how to raise Lexi."
Think I won yet? Not quite. Get this.
She sends me a text tonight - "Sorry I made you so upset." I don't respond. A few minutes later - "I'm just trying to help you be a better mom." What. The. HELL.
I reply *ahem* "You have NO RIGHT to judge what makes me a good or bad mom. How dare you. My daughter is healthy and happy and that's as much as you should care. Unless you have something nessisary to tell me, leave me alone. I'm serious I've had enough out of you and I won't take you treating me like I'm some awful mother. Back the FUCK off."
And let me tell you, I feel GREAT.
Moral of the story: Don't take shit from anyone :D on a discussion board on CafeMom.
It's a public board, so anyone can read it if they are members of CafeMom. This made me LIVID. I haven't spoken to her in over 4 months- the event and conversation she describes NEVER HAPPENED. The whole post is a total lie and not only does she name me, but she drags my daughter into it.
I've really been trying to ignore my anger about this because I feel like if I'm confrontational with her, it's just going to end badly. At the same time, ignoring her hasn't worked either- or else she wouldn't have made such a post to begin with.
Why I'm really annoyed: I just want this all to stop. I'm sorry I pushed back when she pushed my buttons. But I've really tried to let go of it all and move on. She keeps dragging me back into drama no matter what I do. It bothers me that she keeps dragging me into crap. It bothers me even more that I get worked up about it?
Today she sent me a text. Nothing earth shattering. Just stating that her daughter out grew the tub I gave them and asking me if I wanted it back. I'm terrified of responding. No matter what, I think she'll play victim: If I say no, then I'm avoiding her. If I say yes, then I'm taking back a gift. If I ignore her, she'll write something nasty about me on some website somewhere. I just can't win.
I'd really love some advice here. Should I just keep ignoring her? Do I respond to the text? Do I finally tell her to fuck off?
I thought I left drama like this in high school. ugh. Make it stop.