Kanjani 8 fiction
Pieces of a Whole
Disclaimer: I haven't actually ever claimed to own real people of any sort much less ones I've never met
Rating: pg ( I have no idea)
Summary: Thinking back on what was sometimes can help one see what is.
Pairing:HIna/Yoko
Despite how fast his life could be said to move through the multiple commitments that he had. Through the TV programmes, rehearsals, photo-shoots, concerts, radio and the endless knot of everyday life as an idol and a man, it is always the small moments that stick in his memory. Here, when he truly thinks about his life now, is what he remembers.
The sun is shining through the window, turning the room into a gold - washed sanctuary. Warm, comfortable and bright. Their song is playing on the radio and the rest of his band-mates, his friends, are a tangle of joy, a commotion, a riot of happiness behind him. Hugging each other, clinging together in the giddiness they are experiencing. Arms wrap around him, and a voice, warm and deep, in his ear. "Do you think that in ten years time the whole world will know us?"
He remembers the warmth in joy.
-------
Hundreds of voices are chanting, yelling, pulsing. Lights are flashing, shining, blinding. He feels adrenaline flow though him. Its energy like lightning, quicksilver in his veins. Adoration and admiration of the crowds filing him. Making everything seem fulfilled. Around him are the others, exhaustion, energy and contentment written on their faces. Displayed in their body language. A finger pokes him sharply in the cheek, “Hey, no serious thinking allowed!” A laugh ripples across the group.
He remembers the brightness of laughter.
-------
Tired, he is deeply tired. So weary that even his bones feel as if they were hard, cold, lead. It's not just the physical tiredness that weighs him down now. Pulls them all down now. It is the empty space that appears in their pictures now. The missing voice that is no longer in their songs. The anger, the grief and the sorrow that fills those voids. Waiting, occupying only a single moment in time. It seems that even though they are moving forward they are also being pulled back to the place where they are only waiting. He feels chilled by it, cold and exhausted. Something warm is pushed into his back, upon turning he finds a quiet, undimmed smile and a thermos full of warm coffee. "You looked like you could use a break."
He remembers sorrow shared.
-------
The laughter of those he cares about fills the room. The quiet babble of the TV and the bright chirps of video games hum in the background. Teasing words and fingers poke, jab and tickle. Cheers and hollers of excitement and disappointment burst into being. The smell of the various foods being consumed linger and the taste of beer remains in his mouth. A warm body wiggles its way into his side. “ Dokkun made me lose.” A whine, a childish pout, that shouldn’t be as familiar and comforting as it is. He knows that this childishness is not what is really below the surface.
He remembers the contentment of knowledge.
-------
“You’ve gone too far. This time you have gone too far.” He says and anger swamps him. There is a sharp pain in his fist as it collides with Yokoyama. Teasing he can handle, jokes and words are something that he has learned to bear. This was cruelty. Cruelty born of exhaustion, pain and even perhaps a mischievous sense of humour, but malicious and spiteful nonetheless. He knows that this was not meant to hurt him as badly as it did. It was only his own fatigue that caused those words to be such a painful blow. He watches Yokoyama’s expression change from shock to anger. He knows that Yokoyama feels unjustly dealt with. He knows all of this and he doesn’t care. All he feels now is his own wounded pride. All he hears now is the anger rushing through his veins. All he cares about is the damage that has been done to him. He turns his back on Yokoyama. Turns his back and clenches his fists. He sees, then, the shocked expressions on the faces of those around him. Sees and still can’t bring himself to care. Feels another burst of pain as Yokoyama crashes into his back. The world becomes a blur of pain and anger as they roll around like school boys, fighting on a playground. Anger is spent in blows that reign down, his own and Yokoyama’s. Gasping for air he seeks to replace the bitterness with something better. Sees Yokoyama stubbornly gasping as well. “You hurt me.” Yokoyama is as petulant as always. “You hurt me first.” His own voice is dull with the emptiness in his heart. He thinks that even the anger was better than this.
He remembers the hollowness of anger.
-------
Exhaustion has finally set in. It drags him down into the hotel bed and pulls at his eyelids. The quiet of the hotel around them is only broken by the hum of the air conditioning and the muffled sounds coming from the bathroom. Water, hair dryer, toothbrush, toilet flushing all familiar sounds. In his weariness they are soothing. Light spills across the room. It illuminates as much as it hides. The body in front of him is dark in the light, with puffs of steam drifting out and around into the cooler air of the main room. He finds a sleepy smile on his on face. An answering smile is given. The light is flicked off and darkness surrounds him. He feels the mattress dip as another weight is added to the bed. A sleepy mumble of protest escapes his lips. A hand descends out of the darkness to pat his head. “It’s not my fault you picked the more comfortable bed.”
He remembers the gentleness of caring.
-------
Everything surrounding them was the green of almost summer. The smell of rain hangs in the air as they walk toward the onsen after a long day of filming. It gives everything a cool, fresh feeling. Up ahead Subaru and Yasu are walking pinkies entwined. They seem to be wrapped up in themselves, talking in murmurs and snatches of music. Maru has Ohkura and Ryochan entertained as he is telling some obviously tall tale with gestures and facial expressions to match. The drummer and the singer look torn between smacking Maru or laughing. A shoulder bumps into his and a hand stops him from moving, Yoko stops so that he is standing directly in front of him, “You’re not paying attention to me.” It’s true he wasn’t. Something soft and warm is pressed against his mouth. He blinks in amazement. His voice when it comes is high and croaky. “You kissed me!” Yoko smirks back at him. “You’re paying attention to me.”
He remembers the calm of new beginnings
-------
When he thinks back over the fragments of memories that are dear to him, he realises that part of him belongs to part of Yokoyama Yu. That his memories are part of someone else should make him panic. Instead it brings him joy. He is not alone.
He walks over to where Yoko is trying to shove more pasta in mouth than it can hold. Chuckles as the last of the noodles disappear into Yoko’s mouth. “Kimi” he says and when Yoko looks at him, a question in his eyes, he leans down wipes a smear of sauce off Yoko’s face with his thumb and kisses him hard.
Yoko blinks up at him. “What was that for?”
He laughs and smiles and thinks, “I love you.”
He says, “I remembered I owed you one.”
Disclaimer: I haven't actually ever claimed to own real people of any sort much less ones I've never met
Rating: pg ( I have no idea)
Summary: Thinking back on what was sometimes can help one see what is.
Pairing:HIna/Yoko
Despite how fast his life could be said to move through the multiple commitments that he had. Through the TV programmes, rehearsals, photo-shoots, concerts, radio and the endless knot of everyday life as an idol and a man, it is always the small moments that stick in his memory. Here, when he truly thinks about his life now, is what he remembers.
The sun is shining through the window, turning the room into a gold - washed sanctuary. Warm, comfortable and bright. Their song is playing on the radio and the rest of his band-mates, his friends, are a tangle of joy, a commotion, a riot of happiness behind him. Hugging each other, clinging together in the giddiness they are experiencing. Arms wrap around him, and a voice, warm and deep, in his ear. "Do you think that in ten years time the whole world will know us?"
He remembers the warmth in joy.
-------
Hundreds of voices are chanting, yelling, pulsing. Lights are flashing, shining, blinding. He feels adrenaline flow though him. Its energy like lightning, quicksilver in his veins. Adoration and admiration of the crowds filing him. Making everything seem fulfilled. Around him are the others, exhaustion, energy and contentment written on their faces. Displayed in their body language. A finger pokes him sharply in the cheek, “Hey, no serious thinking allowed!” A laugh ripples across the group.
He remembers the brightness of laughter.
-------
Tired, he is deeply tired. So weary that even his bones feel as if they were hard, cold, lead. It's not just the physical tiredness that weighs him down now. Pulls them all down now. It is the empty space that appears in their pictures now. The missing voice that is no longer in their songs. The anger, the grief and the sorrow that fills those voids. Waiting, occupying only a single moment in time. It seems that even though they are moving forward they are also being pulled back to the place where they are only waiting. He feels chilled by it, cold and exhausted. Something warm is pushed into his back, upon turning he finds a quiet, undimmed smile and a thermos full of warm coffee. "You looked like you could use a break."
He remembers sorrow shared.
-------
The laughter of those he cares about fills the room. The quiet babble of the TV and the bright chirps of video games hum in the background. Teasing words and fingers poke, jab and tickle. Cheers and hollers of excitement and disappointment burst into being. The smell of the various foods being consumed linger and the taste of beer remains in his mouth. A warm body wiggles its way into his side. “ Dokkun made me lose.” A whine, a childish pout, that shouldn’t be as familiar and comforting as it is. He knows that this childishness is not what is really below the surface.
He remembers the contentment of knowledge.
-------
“You’ve gone too far. This time you have gone too far.” He says and anger swamps him. There is a sharp pain in his fist as it collides with Yokoyama. Teasing he can handle, jokes and words are something that he has learned to bear. This was cruelty. Cruelty born of exhaustion, pain and even perhaps a mischievous sense of humour, but malicious and spiteful nonetheless. He knows that this was not meant to hurt him as badly as it did. It was only his own fatigue that caused those words to be such a painful blow. He watches Yokoyama’s expression change from shock to anger. He knows that Yokoyama feels unjustly dealt with. He knows all of this and he doesn’t care. All he feels now is his own wounded pride. All he hears now is the anger rushing through his veins. All he cares about is the damage that has been done to him. He turns his back on Yokoyama. Turns his back and clenches his fists. He sees, then, the shocked expressions on the faces of those around him. Sees and still can’t bring himself to care. Feels another burst of pain as Yokoyama crashes into his back. The world becomes a blur of pain and anger as they roll around like school boys, fighting on a playground. Anger is spent in blows that reign down, his own and Yokoyama’s. Gasping for air he seeks to replace the bitterness with something better. Sees Yokoyama stubbornly gasping as well. “You hurt me.” Yokoyama is as petulant as always. “You hurt me first.” His own voice is dull with the emptiness in his heart. He thinks that even the anger was better than this.
He remembers the hollowness of anger.
-------
Exhaustion has finally set in. It drags him down into the hotel bed and pulls at his eyelids. The quiet of the hotel around them is only broken by the hum of the air conditioning and the muffled sounds coming from the bathroom. Water, hair dryer, toothbrush, toilet flushing all familiar sounds. In his weariness they are soothing. Light spills across the room. It illuminates as much as it hides. The body in front of him is dark in the light, with puffs of steam drifting out and around into the cooler air of the main room. He finds a sleepy smile on his on face. An answering smile is given. The light is flicked off and darkness surrounds him. He feels the mattress dip as another weight is added to the bed. A sleepy mumble of protest escapes his lips. A hand descends out of the darkness to pat his head. “It’s not my fault you picked the more comfortable bed.”
He remembers the gentleness of caring.
-------
Everything surrounding them was the green of almost summer. The smell of rain hangs in the air as they walk toward the onsen after a long day of filming. It gives everything a cool, fresh feeling. Up ahead Subaru and Yasu are walking pinkies entwined. They seem to be wrapped up in themselves, talking in murmurs and snatches of music. Maru has Ohkura and Ryochan entertained as he is telling some obviously tall tale with gestures and facial expressions to match. The drummer and the singer look torn between smacking Maru or laughing. A shoulder bumps into his and a hand stops him from moving, Yoko stops so that he is standing directly in front of him, “You’re not paying attention to me.” It’s true he wasn’t. Something soft and warm is pressed against his mouth. He blinks in amazement. His voice when it comes is high and croaky. “You kissed me!” Yoko smirks back at him. “You’re paying attention to me.”
He remembers the calm of new beginnings
-------
When he thinks back over the fragments of memories that are dear to him, he realises that part of him belongs to part of Yokoyama Yu. That his memories are part of someone else should make him panic. Instead it brings him joy. He is not alone.
He walks over to where Yoko is trying to shove more pasta in mouth than it can hold. Chuckles as the last of the noodles disappear into Yoko’s mouth. “Kimi” he says and when Yoko looks at him, a question in his eyes, he leans down wipes a smear of sauce off Yoko’s face with his thumb and kisses him hard.
Yoko blinks up at him. “What was that for?”
He laughs and smiles and thinks, “I love you.”
He says, “I remembered I owed you one.”