Billy, look at what you made me do!
I finally watched Billy Elliot a few days ago. I've been wanting to watch that eversince it came out, but never really got around to doing so.
So how did I find it? I LOVE IT! It awoken my long-dormant love for dancing. Yes, I love to dance. Others may find that statement weird, since people hardly see me dance. During social gatherings, the only times I can be made to dance is when I'm drunk, or when I hardly know the people in a club.
But rest assured, yes I love to dance. I just don't want people looking at me. There's a sense of anonimity and security when I dance along with a group of people onstage, but when I'm alone, I feel I'm being scrutinized by hundreds of eyes.
Anyway, back to Billy Elliot.
That film made me think about my talents. What are my talents exactly? Honestly, I don't know. For others, like Billy Elliot, the answer is plain to see: It's the thing that you love doing and are really good at. In my case though, the things that I'm good at are not necessarily the things that I love doing, and vice versa.
Well, ACTUALLY, now that I think about it, there was one thing I both loved and knew I was good at: Martial Arts. Eversince I was a kid I loved Martial Arts. I would watch those Chinese Kung Fu shows even if I didn't know a thing about the Chinese Language, and also watched the Hong Kong Action films they used to show on IBC 13 (Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung & Yuen Biao). Once, I even bought a book on Karate in the hopes of learning it, but alas, I never went beyond a few pages of that book. I was and am still facinated with the ninja, which is why I bought those books about them, and even borrowed a schoolmate's book on ninjitsu. I did manage to enroll in a Tae kwon do class one summer back when I was around 15 years old. And I loved it. Being only one of two girls in a male dominated class did not perturb me. Instead, it made me work harder since I knew all of these boys thought they were better than me, just because I was a gurl. Hah, I proved them WRONG. I gave them a hard time during sparring time, and I was the only one in class to skip a belt level, turning me into the most senior in my class. Hah, that showed them.
But my affair with Tae kwon Do didn't last because dad didn't let me continue with it when school started. He was adamant in what he wanted, and so was I with mine. Still, I had to give in, because I was still financially dependent on my parents. It was a fight I was determined not to lose, but eventually lost.
I know people say stuff about the positive side of losing ("You may have lost but at least blah blah blah"), but no matter what they say, LOSING SUCKS. Especially this one, because I was giving up the one thing I knew I loved and was good at. I cried my eyes out that night, locking myself in the room to let out my anger and also to grieve. At the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if Tae Kwon Do was worth all the emotional turmoil I was having.
I realized, only too late, that it was.
Now that I'm 25 years old, I'm too old to begin again with Martial Arts. So now, I need to discover and hone my other hidden talents. Hmmm....
So how did I find it? I LOVE IT! It awoken my long-dormant love for dancing. Yes, I love to dance. Others may find that statement weird, since people hardly see me dance. During social gatherings, the only times I can be made to dance is when I'm drunk, or when I hardly know the people in a club.
But rest assured, yes I love to dance. I just don't want people looking at me. There's a sense of anonimity and security when I dance along with a group of people onstage, but when I'm alone, I feel I'm being scrutinized by hundreds of eyes.
Anyway, back to Billy Elliot.
That film made me think about my talents. What are my talents exactly? Honestly, I don't know. For others, like Billy Elliot, the answer is plain to see: It's the thing that you love doing and are really good at. In my case though, the things that I'm good at are not necessarily the things that I love doing, and vice versa.
Well, ACTUALLY, now that I think about it, there was one thing I both loved and knew I was good at: Martial Arts. Eversince I was a kid I loved Martial Arts. I would watch those Chinese Kung Fu shows even if I didn't know a thing about the Chinese Language, and also watched the Hong Kong Action films they used to show on IBC 13 (Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung & Yuen Biao). Once, I even bought a book on Karate in the hopes of learning it, but alas, I never went beyond a few pages of that book. I was and am still facinated with the ninja, which is why I bought those books about them, and even borrowed a schoolmate's book on ninjitsu. I did manage to enroll in a Tae kwon do class one summer back when I was around 15 years old. And I loved it. Being only one of two girls in a male dominated class did not perturb me. Instead, it made me work harder since I knew all of these boys thought they were better than me, just because I was a gurl. Hah, I proved them WRONG. I gave them a hard time during sparring time, and I was the only one in class to skip a belt level, turning me into the most senior in my class. Hah, that showed them.
But my affair with Tae kwon Do didn't last because dad didn't let me continue with it when school started. He was adamant in what he wanted, and so was I with mine. Still, I had to give in, because I was still financially dependent on my parents. It was a fight I was determined not to lose, but eventually lost.
I know people say stuff about the positive side of losing ("You may have lost but at least blah blah blah"), but no matter what they say, LOSING SUCKS. Especially this one, because I was giving up the one thing I knew I loved and was good at. I cried my eyes out that night, locking myself in the room to let out my anger and also to grieve. At the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if Tae Kwon Do was worth all the emotional turmoil I was having.
I realized, only too late, that it was.
Now that I'm 25 years old, I'm too old to begin again with Martial Arts. So now, I need to discover and hone my other hidden talents. Hmmm....