[ONESHOT] Alleys Are Indeed Dark
Title: Alleys Are Indeed Dark
Word Count: 2524
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: He doesn't regret it, nor wants to accept it. He doesn't know what he was exactly thinking and even now can't understand it. He wants to hate himself, wants to hate him but can't bring himself to do so.
A/N: It's more like a mini-story/drabble rather than a oneshot but just for tagging purposes I tagged it under there. I can't say this is done on a whim but I also can't say I took a long time writing this - this drabble just popped to my head weeks ago and has just been sitting in the folder like so.. that is, until now.
Note: Maybe the ending is a bit abrupt, I apologize.
Comment!! (Or I won't give you any holiday-cookies..)
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You know how sometimes things get unexplainable? It’s hard to put it into words even though these similar words run through your head the whole day, reminding you, trapping you, enticing you until you go further and further and you can’t resist anymore.
I would’ve never thought it was possible, I am too much of a rationalist and in a sense I didn’t understand. I had heard it a lot, from friends, family, even strangers but to me, and maybe to others like me, it is an experience you understand after going through with it.
It’s not like I lost my mind, considering I didn’t even drink that much. But for some reason he was what made me feel like having drank double the amount - it made me lightheaded, strangely over-courageous and bold. I like to keep my distance, like to keep out of trouble and just have a bit of good time but it was inevitable.
It’s like he knew what he was doing.
Our eyes met, strangely as there was a mass of people dancing around but they met, both of ours on that exact moment. He hadn’t been staring at me, I think, at least from the expression he wore. It was lazy, bored, almost like mine while just letting his gaze travel over the crowd and making notes on how stupid this was.
But still it was a good place to relax at. Being around people like these makes you lose the stress, makes you loosen up because all these people came here just for that same reason and even though he might’ve hated it, it was like an addiction that cannot be escaped from.
Our eyes met and when usually people glance away, it being the first reaction, then he didn’t. He kept the gaze, even tilting his head just slightly and taking a sip of his drink. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t even think on what to do and I had no idea why.
He just pulled me in even when he wasn’t the best looking out there, out of all the men and women, but there was something distinct about him that I found myself to like.
A similarity?
I don’t know, but what I did know was that it scared me a slight bit. It made me cautious when he put his drink on the table and stood up, walked down the couple of steps on his way, making the usual light change with the various mixtures when he made his way through the crowd.
My mind only had one question occupying it - should I leave? Should I go while I still can.
He seemed unpredictable and the feeling he gave me said I shouldn’t give in. But sometimes you feel like rebelling, even against yourself, wanting to look in the eye with your fear and to me, it’s the most stupidest thing ever.
But it never explains why I didn’t leave when I had the chance.
Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the music clouding my mind. Maybe it was all of that with something I didn’t understand. I only know I hated it, still do because you can’t run away, not when he’s already in front of you and looking down and asking if he can take a seat.
I only found myself nodding. My eyes only at him from the start, eyeing how he made his way smoothly through the crowd, avoiding the bumps and random drunks. He knew how it was done, it was so obvious and it alerted me even more because I knew, just knew he wasn’t good news. It was so clear.
Yoseob ditched me immediately, probably sensing something and even my helpless gaze didn’t hold him back. He only raised his thumb, and approvingly grinned while making his way towards the dancing and grinding mass of people, leaving me alone, there, with someone I didn’t even know how to handle.
Especially when I didn’t even know what I wanted.
I wasn’t really surprised when he said nothing, he didn’t seem to waste words even though it would’ve given him an excuse to sit closer. He didn’t even look at me while drinks arrived which I didn’t question at the time. It made me ease up just a bit when he didn’t even spare a glance, when he just looked back on the crowd and just hummed lightly.
I didn’t hear it, the music was too loud but I could see it, his throat.
“Your friend is quite bold,” he finally said, voice just loud enough for me to hear and I couldn’t help but look back, trying to spot a certain blonde. I scoffed, seeing him quite busy seducing another poor boy like he put it himself. Yoseob liked this, playing around, and his excuse was that it didn’t hurt, it never did.
I always nodded in understanding.
My real attention was taken by him though. His voice just low enough to my liking, not too but just enough. He didn’t try to be someone else, he just didn’t seem to care, was carefree. It’s always easy to talk to people like that, maybe as I feel to be one of them.
He finally sighed, turning his head in my direction and finally our eyes met again. His were soft brown but tired, way too tired and exhausted. Probably that drink in front of him was the only thing keeping him awake, the liquid on his tongue, burning down his throat awakening senses and making everything a tad bit more bearable.
“I’m Junhyung by the way,” he said, lazily holding out his hand which I shook, saying mine. I didn’t understand why his eyes widened at it, didn’t get until later why at all he put even that small effort in trying to drag on a conversation.
His hand was surprisingly warm, and even soft. I remember taking a look back up, putting on a small but sincere smile to which he seemed to respond with the same, even smaller but still the same and it made me lean back for some reason, unconsciously as I put my leg over the other, ankle on the knee and let my eyes again wander around.
Yoseob was gone.
“Seems someone got his feast for tonight,” he said mockingly and it was weirdly comfortable, easy enough to naturally roll my eyes, but still that smile made back to my lips.
I like smiling, I really do but even more I like people who can make me smile without any efforts. It’s in their presence and it creates chemistry and who in their right mind would object to that.
“Seems like you could use a pillow,” I responded, not really thinking like I usually would, I didn’t even put in effort to make up a witty comeback because it didn’t feel like necessary. He was there, talking to me and even his slightest moves or words made me lose my thoughts.
I would’ve but I couldn’t and that was the problem.
I guess he could’ve done anything he wanted with me and I wouldn’t have minded. Something about him got me hooked, made me blind and even though I despise and never understand when these things happen to other people, I couldn’t have helped it. Even now I’m unable to get it, how I was so easily wrapped around his finger and I hate how easily it went.
How easy I was.
And what an ironic thing - I started it.
Yes, my mind was clouded, filled up with fog and all I could feel was want - his touch, his voice, everything. And its funny how he didn’t even have to do anything, it came so naturally, without a notice and even until now I’m not sure he knew.
Knew what he was doing. I’d like to think so but something, that slight hesitation in his actions made me think otherwise.
But then again it seems like he does it often, he knew too much. The back-alleys, the darkest corners, the empty boxes he so suavely avoided tripping over even though he was obviously drunk. It’s weird because I don’t even know what I want to believe, what I want it to have been.
But the sure thing is that it left its mark. Permanent in my memories, the feelings, the touches, everything was as great as I thought it to be, wanted it to be but it’s conflicting how I at the same time hate the physical marks I was left with.
It makes me feel like a whore, just some random guy who seemed easy and even proved to be easy. The hickeys I have to see for a few more days make me feel disgusted and makes me think what I did was wrong.
Maybe it was, maybe not but still, I can’t find any regret.
None at all.
I just couldn’t resist. I know it’s my fault entirely but still, I couldn’t resist. My hand had a mind on its own, my voice spoke how it wanted to and it made adrenaline pump through my veins.
But how far?
How far is Junhyung willing to let me go?
I remember how my fingers first reached for his hand, can’t remember what I did though but the feeling remains clear. My heart yearned for it, I knew everything that was about to come was wrong but sometimes...Sometimes you just throw everything out, all thoughts that are supposed to bind you, supposedly bind you and are looked down upon by the society.
And that was one rare moment where I felt that. It was awful, knowing you don’t care, knowing everything you would agree to do. You feel like being high, over-energized, hyperactive but still feeling like down to earth. The main purpose was filled though - to relax.
At first the touches were innocent - as innocent as it can be considering the purpose was obvious, even to Junhyung. I can’t say it was his whole point of sitting there with me, if he had planned it already before but at the time like I said, I just didn’t care. I only wanted what I wanted, weirdly I just started initiating things. I am not sure when he finally understood, if that was necessary at all, but suddenly we were sitting too close.
Way too close considering what kind of person I originally am.
Suddenly I could smell his cologne, could feel his fingers on my neck, dragging downside of my jawbone. It felt intoxicating, every touch I felt and I knew it was too late, that I had missed my chance to get up, to walk away from everything.
My lips unknowingly ended sucking on his neck, whispering words which I again can’t remember but were probably something I would be ashamed of. Junhyung was probably enjoying it, at least I hope so.
Well, actually I’m quite sure that he was enjoying himself when my hand travelled lower and lower and a smirk appeared on my lips as he tensed up for a slight second. He didn’t seem taken aback though, it was just the first reaction and I again remember myself continuing to let out low whispers, probably as husky as my voice could get.
I hate blank moments but all of a sudden our lips met and I felt him bit down on my lower lip just as I added pressure. He leaned back to my hand, obviously searching for more and soon enough I was yanked on my feet, stumbling after him towards the back-doors. I tried to stop once, senses kicking back in but it was late, I was already too deep and Junhyung pressed his lips back on mine, taking his sweet time and I gave in immediately.
I had gone too far already.
It really was dark - the alley. But the darker the better as my back hit against the brick wall and Junhyung’s body pressed into mine, lips also claiming what was his to begin with (metaphorically of course) He wasn’t slow, neither too fast. He took his time, but also there was a certain feeling of rush I couldn’t get rid of.
Lust? Maybe, but most likely caused by the alcohol which made me feel so sensitive, so yearning and the stress, oh that stress that had been building up for the last week; finally it seemed it would be relieved, even if it was just for a bit.
And suddenly everything went in a flash, too fast in my opinion and it’s a shame. He was surprisingly gentle and caring - when it should’ve been every man for themselves. He was maybe even a bit too gentle as it made me feel lightly out of place but still already lost in the midst of everything he did. It made me feel this was wrong, it made me feel how he was hurt emotionally and all that hurt he put into this...whatever you’d like to call it.
To me, for some weird reason, it didn’t seem like a simple fuck.
But there is no better word.
All I could feel were his breaths ghosting over my skin, now sweaty and cold against the air. He placed small kisses on my neck, murmuring words I couldn’t understand but it didn’t matter, my senses started to kick in again and so seemed his as he pulled away only to pull me into the last kiss, filled with longing for something, someone and I couldn’t help but feel the sorrow, the pain his eyes now showed.
He didn’t say anything else as he got dressed, neither did I. It was like a silent understanding that I should now keep away, that there was again the distance which he always seemed to keep and now it was up again, shielding him from the world.
I could understand it, could see how it affected him but could do nothing else.
He glanced at me, just for a brief moment when he managed to grab my hand and pull me back closer, his eyes still that soft tone of brown which hadn’t lost their charm. He pulled me close, almost against him and it was so fast that I barely managed to keep myself balanced.
No words were said though, he only brought up his hand, his thumb stroking against my cheek and then fell back down, buttoning the last two I hadn’t managed to myself just yet. He didn’t say anything as he placed his hand around my waist and motioned me to walk.
He didn’t lead me back inside, instead led me further away, towards the street and still I couldn’t bring myself to ask anything, nothing at all. It was weird, how just a simple thing turns into something complicated and unexplainable, how it just brings you down and you can’t get away because you’re already trapped.
But I guess all of the above doesn’t matter, the memories, the feelings, thoughts, because I, and you all know that there is no point on dwelling on the past.
And that’s what I call the past.
Word Count: 2524
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: He doesn't regret it, nor wants to accept it. He doesn't know what he was exactly thinking and even now can't understand it. He wants to hate himself, wants to hate him but can't bring himself to do so.
A/N: It's more like a mini-story/drabble rather than a oneshot but just for tagging purposes I tagged it under there. I can't say this is done on a whim but I also can't say I took a long time writing this - this drabble just popped to my head weeks ago and has just been sitting in the folder like so.. that is, until now.
Note: Maybe the ending is a bit abrupt, I apologize.
Comment!! (Or I won't give you any holiday-cookies..)
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You know how sometimes things get unexplainable? It’s hard to put it into words even though these similar words run through your head the whole day, reminding you, trapping you, enticing you until you go further and further and you can’t resist anymore.
I would’ve never thought it was possible, I am too much of a rationalist and in a sense I didn’t understand. I had heard it a lot, from friends, family, even strangers but to me, and maybe to others like me, it is an experience you understand after going through with it.
It’s not like I lost my mind, considering I didn’t even drink that much. But for some reason he was what made me feel like having drank double the amount - it made me lightheaded, strangely over-courageous and bold. I like to keep my distance, like to keep out of trouble and just have a bit of good time but it was inevitable.
It’s like he knew what he was doing.
Our eyes met, strangely as there was a mass of people dancing around but they met, both of ours on that exact moment. He hadn’t been staring at me, I think, at least from the expression he wore. It was lazy, bored, almost like mine while just letting his gaze travel over the crowd and making notes on how stupid this was.
But still it was a good place to relax at. Being around people like these makes you lose the stress, makes you loosen up because all these people came here just for that same reason and even though he might’ve hated it, it was like an addiction that cannot be escaped from.
Our eyes met and when usually people glance away, it being the first reaction, then he didn’t. He kept the gaze, even tilting his head just slightly and taking a sip of his drink. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t even think on what to do and I had no idea why.
He just pulled me in even when he wasn’t the best looking out there, out of all the men and women, but there was something distinct about him that I found myself to like.
A similarity?
I don’t know, but what I did know was that it scared me a slight bit. It made me cautious when he put his drink on the table and stood up, walked down the couple of steps on his way, making the usual light change with the various mixtures when he made his way through the crowd.
My mind only had one question occupying it - should I leave? Should I go while I still can.
He seemed unpredictable and the feeling he gave me said I shouldn’t give in. But sometimes you feel like rebelling, even against yourself, wanting to look in the eye with your fear and to me, it’s the most stupidest thing ever.
But it never explains why I didn’t leave when I had the chance.
Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the music clouding my mind. Maybe it was all of that with something I didn’t understand. I only know I hated it, still do because you can’t run away, not when he’s already in front of you and looking down and asking if he can take a seat.
I only found myself nodding. My eyes only at him from the start, eyeing how he made his way smoothly through the crowd, avoiding the bumps and random drunks. He knew how it was done, it was so obvious and it alerted me even more because I knew, just knew he wasn’t good news. It was so clear.
Yoseob ditched me immediately, probably sensing something and even my helpless gaze didn’t hold him back. He only raised his thumb, and approvingly grinned while making his way towards the dancing and grinding mass of people, leaving me alone, there, with someone I didn’t even know how to handle.
Especially when I didn’t even know what I wanted.
I wasn’t really surprised when he said nothing, he didn’t seem to waste words even though it would’ve given him an excuse to sit closer. He didn’t even look at me while drinks arrived which I didn’t question at the time. It made me ease up just a bit when he didn’t even spare a glance, when he just looked back on the crowd and just hummed lightly.
I didn’t hear it, the music was too loud but I could see it, his throat.
“Your friend is quite bold,” he finally said, voice just loud enough for me to hear and I couldn’t help but look back, trying to spot a certain blonde. I scoffed, seeing him quite busy seducing another poor boy like he put it himself. Yoseob liked this, playing around, and his excuse was that it didn’t hurt, it never did.
I always nodded in understanding.
My real attention was taken by him though. His voice just low enough to my liking, not too but just enough. He didn’t try to be someone else, he just didn’t seem to care, was carefree. It’s always easy to talk to people like that, maybe as I feel to be one of them.
He finally sighed, turning his head in my direction and finally our eyes met again. His were soft brown but tired, way too tired and exhausted. Probably that drink in front of him was the only thing keeping him awake, the liquid on his tongue, burning down his throat awakening senses and making everything a tad bit more bearable.
“I’m Junhyung by the way,” he said, lazily holding out his hand which I shook, saying mine. I didn’t understand why his eyes widened at it, didn’t get until later why at all he put even that small effort in trying to drag on a conversation.
His hand was surprisingly warm, and even soft. I remember taking a look back up, putting on a small but sincere smile to which he seemed to respond with the same, even smaller but still the same and it made me lean back for some reason, unconsciously as I put my leg over the other, ankle on the knee and let my eyes again wander around.
Yoseob was gone.
“Seems someone got his feast for tonight,” he said mockingly and it was weirdly comfortable, easy enough to naturally roll my eyes, but still that smile made back to my lips.
I like smiling, I really do but even more I like people who can make me smile without any efforts. It’s in their presence and it creates chemistry and who in their right mind would object to that.
“Seems like you could use a pillow,” I responded, not really thinking like I usually would, I didn’t even put in effort to make up a witty comeback because it didn’t feel like necessary. He was there, talking to me and even his slightest moves or words made me lose my thoughts.
I would’ve but I couldn’t and that was the problem.
I guess he could’ve done anything he wanted with me and I wouldn’t have minded. Something about him got me hooked, made me blind and even though I despise and never understand when these things happen to other people, I couldn’t have helped it. Even now I’m unable to get it, how I was so easily wrapped around his finger and I hate how easily it went.
How easy I was.
And what an ironic thing - I started it.
Yes, my mind was clouded, filled up with fog and all I could feel was want - his touch, his voice, everything. And its funny how he didn’t even have to do anything, it came so naturally, without a notice and even until now I’m not sure he knew.
Knew what he was doing. I’d like to think so but something, that slight hesitation in his actions made me think otherwise.
But then again it seems like he does it often, he knew too much. The back-alleys, the darkest corners, the empty boxes he so suavely avoided tripping over even though he was obviously drunk. It’s weird because I don’t even know what I want to believe, what I want it to have been.
But the sure thing is that it left its mark. Permanent in my memories, the feelings, the touches, everything was as great as I thought it to be, wanted it to be but it’s conflicting how I at the same time hate the physical marks I was left with.
It makes me feel like a whore, just some random guy who seemed easy and even proved to be easy. The hickeys I have to see for a few more days make me feel disgusted and makes me think what I did was wrong.
Maybe it was, maybe not but still, I can’t find any regret.
None at all.
I just couldn’t resist. I know it’s my fault entirely but still, I couldn’t resist. My hand had a mind on its own, my voice spoke how it wanted to and it made adrenaline pump through my veins.
But how far?
How far is Junhyung willing to let me go?
I remember how my fingers first reached for his hand, can’t remember what I did though but the feeling remains clear. My heart yearned for it, I knew everything that was about to come was wrong but sometimes...Sometimes you just throw everything out, all thoughts that are supposed to bind you, supposedly bind you and are looked down upon by the society.
And that was one rare moment where I felt that. It was awful, knowing you don’t care, knowing everything you would agree to do. You feel like being high, over-energized, hyperactive but still feeling like down to earth. The main purpose was filled though - to relax.
At first the touches were innocent - as innocent as it can be considering the purpose was obvious, even to Junhyung. I can’t say it was his whole point of sitting there with me, if he had planned it already before but at the time like I said, I just didn’t care. I only wanted what I wanted, weirdly I just started initiating things. I am not sure when he finally understood, if that was necessary at all, but suddenly we were sitting too close.
Way too close considering what kind of person I originally am.
Suddenly I could smell his cologne, could feel his fingers on my neck, dragging downside of my jawbone. It felt intoxicating, every touch I felt and I knew it was too late, that I had missed my chance to get up, to walk away from everything.
My lips unknowingly ended sucking on his neck, whispering words which I again can’t remember but were probably something I would be ashamed of. Junhyung was probably enjoying it, at least I hope so.
Well, actually I’m quite sure that he was enjoying himself when my hand travelled lower and lower and a smirk appeared on my lips as he tensed up for a slight second. He didn’t seem taken aback though, it was just the first reaction and I again remember myself continuing to let out low whispers, probably as husky as my voice could get.
I hate blank moments but all of a sudden our lips met and I felt him bit down on my lower lip just as I added pressure. He leaned back to my hand, obviously searching for more and soon enough I was yanked on my feet, stumbling after him towards the back-doors. I tried to stop once, senses kicking back in but it was late, I was already too deep and Junhyung pressed his lips back on mine, taking his sweet time and I gave in immediately.
I had gone too far already.
It really was dark - the alley. But the darker the better as my back hit against the brick wall and Junhyung’s body pressed into mine, lips also claiming what was his to begin with (metaphorically of course) He wasn’t slow, neither too fast. He took his time, but also there was a certain feeling of rush I couldn’t get rid of.
Lust? Maybe, but most likely caused by the alcohol which made me feel so sensitive, so yearning and the stress, oh that stress that had been building up for the last week; finally it seemed it would be relieved, even if it was just for a bit.
And suddenly everything went in a flash, too fast in my opinion and it’s a shame. He was surprisingly gentle and caring - when it should’ve been every man for themselves. He was maybe even a bit too gentle as it made me feel lightly out of place but still already lost in the midst of everything he did. It made me feel this was wrong, it made me feel how he was hurt emotionally and all that hurt he put into this...whatever you’d like to call it.
To me, for some weird reason, it didn’t seem like a simple fuck.
But there is no better word.
All I could feel were his breaths ghosting over my skin, now sweaty and cold against the air. He placed small kisses on my neck, murmuring words I couldn’t understand but it didn’t matter, my senses started to kick in again and so seemed his as he pulled away only to pull me into the last kiss, filled with longing for something, someone and I couldn’t help but feel the sorrow, the pain his eyes now showed.
He didn’t say anything else as he got dressed, neither did I. It was like a silent understanding that I should now keep away, that there was again the distance which he always seemed to keep and now it was up again, shielding him from the world.
I could understand it, could see how it affected him but could do nothing else.
He glanced at me, just for a brief moment when he managed to grab my hand and pull me back closer, his eyes still that soft tone of brown which hadn’t lost their charm. He pulled me close, almost against him and it was so fast that I barely managed to keep myself balanced.
No words were said though, he only brought up his hand, his thumb stroking against my cheek and then fell back down, buttoning the last two I hadn’t managed to myself just yet. He didn’t say anything as he placed his hand around my waist and motioned me to walk.
He didn’t lead me back inside, instead led me further away, towards the street and still I couldn’t bring myself to ask anything, nothing at all. It was weird, how just a simple thing turns into something complicated and unexplainable, how it just brings you down and you can’t get away because you’re already trapped.
But I guess all of the above doesn’t matter, the memories, the feelings, thoughts, because I, and you all know that there is no point on dwelling on the past.
And that’s what I call the past.