[TBL3] The Last Bridge
Title: The Last Bridge - Chapter 3
Word Count: 4509
Rating: PG
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: Two boys meet, each with their own problems. What path has life laid out for them?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.
A/N: I'd...say sth but I'm too tired. It's way too early and I'm supposed to get up in 4 hours. But still - CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM <3 (How the hell people have enough patience to read through their writings so many times -_-)
Guess what. Junhyung was missing again. Not that Hyunseung tried to find him or anything but the information was quite hard to miss. Doojoon had once again entered the lesson at the last second, this time successfully avoiding the teacher. And as he was brushing hair off his forehead, from the corner of his eye Hyunseung noticed a girl slowly going up to him, constantly looking back to her friends who urged her on.
She finally made it to his desk and stood in such an insecure pose that Hyunseung almost thought that she was going to run away every second now. But it seemed the girl was stronger as she finally asked: “Is Junhyung missing again?”
The voice made Hyunseung cringe. The girl was usually a sweet one but this time she had poured too much aegyo into it. It didn’t seem to annoy Doojoon who was most probably used to girls acting that way and he kept on doing what he had done before - looking around his bag and revealing a pen and a textbook before letting the bag end up on the floor again.
“Yeah, it seems so.” His answer was brief but Hyunseung detected some hidden force in it which made the girl freeze in her spot for a second or two before humbly thanking and going back to her seat, looking like a dog with tail between her legs. Doojoon was known for always leaving a big impact on others and strangers who met him for the first time probably didn’t even know what had hit them before the boy was walking away, victorious smile playing on his lips.
It seemed like every single person in their group had that special thing to their image. Well, probably it came with time and slight training but it was still kind of unusual among students as there was a definite line if you were like Doojoon or were just charismatic. It could be said that even teachers talked to them with some kind of wariness in their voice, not that they were scared or anything, just due to some invisible aura that they excluded.
Hyunseung leaned on the desk, supporting his head with his hand while upper arm was against the desk, elbow in 45 degrees. He looked at Doojoon’s back even though he should’ve been listening to the teacher but his thoughts started wondering again. Too bad he didn’t remember about what when the bell rang.
Everyone except Doojoon and Hyunseung was up in a flash, hurrying to make the best out of their 10-minute break. Doojoon slowly pushed himself up and grabbed something from his bag before starting to head out. But before that he briefly turned around and Hyunseung caught a smirk playing on his lips and also in his eyes.
“Junhyung says hi,” he said with slight maliciousness in his voice before continuing his way out. Hyunseung stared at his back in surprise but before finally exiting Doojoon raised his hand up in the air for a goodbye just like Junhyung had done, which released chills running along Hyunseung’s back.
The classroom was now empty, only sounds were the ones from Hyunseung’s clothes while he was changing his position.
Well…That was weird.
As he tried to take in a comfortable position again, he couldn’t help but consider for the hundredth time in this school-year that he should really bring a pillow one day. But his thoughts were interrupted by a girl dashing in, making Hyunseung jump in his seat in surprise. He glanced at the girl who only smiled sweetly in response before taking a camera out of her bag and leaving again, quite hurriedly.
Hyunseung was about to roll his eyes but decided against it - that habit was becoming too severe anyways. And it was obvious what was going on. The girls in his school all had cameras of some sort as it was really popular (almost like a hobby) to take pictures of certain boys that had either transferred to the school or were just eye-candy for them. Everything they could giggle or gossip about.
They even had a club. How absurd is that. Especially as they were high-school girls who are expected to act more grown-up already. Well…Actually they did that, but only when there was a prey in sight, releasing all their pheromones and going in for an attack, showing off their intelligence and everything they have learned in their life. And some…well…their figure.
They didn’t take pictures of Hyunseung though. Was it because how sloppily he dressed at school? Well…That’s what was comfortable. When to think about it, he did receive attention from girls when he first entered high-school but it had soon died out when they classified him as a nerd.
It was like a silent agreement, no one bothered him. Not that Hyunseung thought he had any kind of looks to be photographed. True, he had big eyes and soft skin but what’s use of that when the eyes are underlined with bags and the skin looks so pale that people often think he’s sick. Not attractive at all.
And everyone knows what makes a person especially attractive - humor and how they carry themselves. Looks is on a third-rate for most girls.
Well, whatever it is, he is satisfied with the lack of attention.
“You should quit that dorky attire; you know you look really good under all that?” Yoseob has questioned before but the older has always brushed it off. Like that was possible.
If to look more into depth for Hyunseung’s insecurity about his looks, everything comes down to the childhood like always. Every single word he heard was criticizing as he was supposed to be brought up to be perfect as possible. He suffered a lot because of that - lack of sleep, long lessons outside of school, tagging along with his step-father to meetings. He had no time to live like a normal child.
That was before his mother got pregnant with another baby and all attention and future hopes were passed on.
But the damage was already done and all what he had suffered for had gone to waste. As he grew, so did his insecurities which of course came with a package that even his looks were awful. Mostly because of his girlish features which annoyed him up to no end. He didn’t ever want to hear it again, even not from his own thoughts as those were the only thing his parents had ever praised him for.
The school was far over and he was walking through the city after having visited his favorite spot. It was quite dark already and there weren’t many people on the streets.
The shops were all closed so it must’ve been around 11pm. Even though there was nothing to do anymore, Hyunseung liked this time of the night as somehow it seems to make him feel like he’s all alone on a road which is always bustling with action. The thought gave him slight chills as he walked down the street, only hearing some rows or shouts coming from random directions - drunk people always hung around the city in the middle of the week.
The feeling overall was comforting; to see the sky almost pitch-black above him, the moon being the only source of light with slight help from the stars. The street-lights should’ve been turned on already but it was obvious the government was trying to save up electricity by letting people walk in the dark and help crimes being committed. Hyunseung snorted.
He felt lucky being a guy. At least the percent of someone attacking was quite low so he could take it easy and not worry as much.
He acknowledged the dangers of the city, especially at this time but even though he sometimes found himself slightly shaken, he still kept doing these late-night walks. Even the smallest bit of adrenaline was enough to keep him motivated. His life had become quite emotionless which made this a must.
It didn’t matter that this neighborhood was one of the most dangerous ones ever.
It’s perfect. Feeling chills run along your back while the slight hair on your neck rises. Your insides get all hollow which comes along with a slight tickling feeling that you can’t help but enjoy. All this to gain a small adrenaline rush. This was the feeling he wanted to achieve. And if he was lucky, even the nervous thumping when he feels scared.
He was walking down the road, absorbed in his thoughts but as he was about to pass another group of people that had gathered at the corner of the street, his ears detected specific sound-waves. And he could only curse as his mind automatically decoded it in blink of an eye. Hyunseung didn’t even acknowledge when he slowed his step, probably to make sure he was right.
This place was quite secluded and not among the busiest parts of the city. This street especially had many dark narrow side-alleys and those people were just in one of those, on the part where it met with the main-street.
The group was discussing something heatedly but still kept their voices hushed down. This made suspicion rise as he kept staring at that specific back his eyes had fell on while passing by. Even though he knew who he was, his curiosity got the best of him as now he couldn’t help but try to make out words but which he wasn’t so good at.
Suddenly the back Hyunseung eyes had lied on froze in his spot while the others mumbled something to him. Then something happened Hyunseung wouldn’t have expected - Junhyung turned around and exactly looked at him without even a second of searching like he had already sensed him.
Hyunseung inhaled sharply and jolted back without noticing. He nodded and let his gaze leave the boy, continuing onwards, but little did he know it was late as Junhyung already excused him from the group and headed over, something already different sensed from his walk.
At this point Hyunseung really could’ve mistaken him for a mafia boss or something, especially with that long dark coat. His whole posture was slightly intimidating as his expression was even worse - serious.
Dead-serious.
Something Hyunseung hadn’t noted before as the other’s eyes had always had that specific kind of neutrality but this time Hyunseung sensed easily why he belonged in the group with Doojoon even though his eyes were shimmering with cheerfulness most of the time.
Right now…Hyunseung really got a feeling that Junhyung might be the worst out of them all.
He felt the heaviness of the atmosphere pressing him down to the ground, Hyunseung’s limbs paralyzed as he was unable to do anything. While watching movies he had never understood how it could happen as he got annoyed with the characters but now he exactly knew how - it just happened. Your brain freezes, your nerves won’t deliver commands as your eyes are caught with another set, tying you down in place with invisible ropes. You feel as if you are suffocating but can’t do anything to stop it.
Junhyung approached him almost in slow-motion as Hyunseung saw a flash of fire and a bit later a puff of smoke coming out of his mouth. He reached him in a cool manner but when he got there, Junhyung grabbed at the collar of his shirt, pulling Hyunseung close to him so his mouth was near the other’s ear but still blocking the older from the other’s view. A tiny whimper escaped the back of Hyunseung’s throat as he remembered violent acts from the past.
“What are you doing here?” Junhyung hissed into his ear and the older could see he was pissed off. Hyunseung could only mumble something like ‘Can’t I walk where I want’ and Junhyung released the grip at that but not without pushing the other backwards. It wasn’t too harsh but the feeling where his hands had touched the other’s chest hurt lightly.
His eyes. They didn’t have that soft glint to it anymore, they was framed by dark shadows, bringing out the black and as his chin was tiled slightly down, it made him look even more frightening.
“This isn’t the neighborhood to be in at this time,” he said, glancing slightly over his back to see some from his group looking at him. Hyunseung also noted the looks on the other people and there was a slight ‘click’ sound in his mind, releasing a terrifying feeling when he saw some metal shining. And all his memories were also triggered.
“Shit. Don’t ever come to this neighborhood. Get going and keep your face hidden,” Junhyung said while pulling Hyunseung’s hoodie rashly over his head before shoving him even further away by his shoulders. His tone was commanding and harsh, giving Hyunseung’s mind a warning that if he didn’t leave soon he was going to get into big trouble.
He threw a last glance to Junhyung who went back as Hyunseung took his advice and made sure the hoodie wasn’t going to fall off., heading to the other direction so his face wouldn’t be revealed. He didn’t want to take any chances.
Having made it a kilometer away and feeling in a safe distance, he let out a breath and he suddenly felt his heart thumping loud in his chest. Somehow this whole situation screamed of danger to him. That he had to get away. Even now. The further the better.
So he set his feet on the road to home, still glancing over his shoulder many times, just in case while his heart still skipped a beat every time a cat suddenly ran over the road or other small noises reached his ears he wouldn’t have had noticed before.
All his nerves were super-sensitive and even though talking to someone about this would make them roll their eyes and be like ‘That’s it?’ the truth was the feeling can never be forwarded in words. It was awful, how suddenly every part of your body became suddenly clumsy and you didn’t know even how to hold your hand to look normal. Also the fidgeting and only before his door he found cold sweat on his forehead when he brushed his hair out of his face.
Why? He couldn’t sort out specific thoughts about it as his mind was still highly alerted and unable to function, only primitive instincts in action and helping to get him upstairs.
Usually you’d think it’d be impossible to sleep in such state but that seemed another false story as after being mentally so worn out as the meeting and the air around there had sucked out every single bit of his energy, he just collapsed on his bed and fell asleep, without dreams.
Alarm rang and Hyunseung slowly got up in his bed, feeling his head aching, like suffering from a hangover. It felt as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep at all as every part of his body was aching from tiredness.
He glanced at the mirror over a while, seeing the usual face even worse than originally - bags under the eyes were worse, eyes were blank and lifeless, cheeks were slightly hollow and his complexion even paler as If he had seen a ghost.
He took a fast shower and got into clean clothes before proceeding to school, only stopping by the kitchen to get a bite where her mother seemed to be cooking at the moment as he heard the pan sizzle even from the stairs. Hyunseung gave out a sigh as he knew the situation already beforehand.
“Sit down, food is almost ready,” his mother said with a warm smile but suddenly went back to serious as she saw his son. “What happened? Is an exam coming or are you sick?”
Hyunseung could feel the worry in her voice. “Nothing,” he said before taking an apple and leaving the kitchen in hurry. He didn’t want to hurt her with his words but he couldn’t act nice towards her either.
How should he say it?
She kind of betrayed him.
True, Hyunseung would’ve cared less if it had been some minor thing but the matter that had been discussed was his future. And they told him off, preferring some 12-year-old brat to him who didn’t seem to grow up to be able to handle it anyway.
Mostly because even when they had been hard on Hyunseung, he gained a lot of experience and skills, but it seems they had realized their mistake as the other younger one was being brought up in another extreme - over-pampering. Though he often thinks, maybe they didn’t realize their mistake, maybe the real son was just more important as Hyunseung was just a replacement.
That’s a nice purpose for life.
And that’s why he can’t help but act cold to her mother because she didn’t defend him. At all. Between two of her sons Hyunseung had always felt like having been casted aside and that’s how he had lived the last 12 years of his life. The freedom wasn’t so sweet anymore.
Hyunseung made it to school easily with aching muscles and thanked his luck that the first period was history. It was the best sleeping-lesson ever as he was probably going to fall asleep anyway even though he had decided to start listening in class again. It’s not like he was born with all the information in his head.
He was right as in the first 10 seconds into the class he was fast asleep, not even noticing students come late, including Doojoon who gave out a sigh.
That’s how first lessons went, Hyunseung didn’t wake up even at the recess, even though all the girls were chatting too loudly while leaving the class-room. That’s how he got nice 3 hours of sleep before he felt someone poking him. Hyunseung mumbled something in his sleep back but the poking didn’t stop so he opened his eyes slowly to see Yoseob.
“Hey, what’s up?” Yoseob was wearing his smile again but after seeing the other’s face his expression also got more serious, “What happened? Home problems?”
Hyunseung only brushed it off with a gesture of his hand. “Nothing of that sort,” he straightened in his seat, leaning back, “So what brings you here?” Hyunseung asked while looking up his apple which had spots on it thanks to the sharp corners of the textbooks. Hyunseung scrunched his nose in disapproval.
“Anyway, I just wanted to warn you that somehow that group Junhyung and those are in, they started to talk to me and don’t ask me how but they’re going to eat lunch with us. So you have been warned,” Yoseob said while glancing at Hyunseung to see any emotion appear on his face. No success.
Hyunseung had gotten over the last night’s weird shock as his mind was processing what to think of this arrangement. Did Junhyung want to explain? Or was Hyunseung in some kind of trouble for witnessing what he shouldn’t have?
He glanced at Yoseob who was still waiting for an answer.
‘Oh, ok,” Hyunseung answered.
After Yoseob was gone Hyunseung was left there to think. The lesson had already started and people were paying attention to the teacher in front of the class.
Maybe skip the lunch? Even though Hyunseung knew there was really no point avoiding him as the younger couldn’t do anything except warn him to stay away. It was quite clear. But what really kept Hyunseung away was his psychological state. Apart from the fright from yesterday, Junhyung had done enough already.
No one could probably see that but Hyunseung could feel it. Even though the time spent with the younger boy had been short, Hyunseung was getting unexpectedly comfortable. They knew nothing about each other, but something about Junhyung was making Hyunseung accept him. Or was it just the need for a real friend? Or someone who seemed In some sense similar to him?
He had Yoseob though. He hadn’t wanted to get acquainted to anyone in the first place. But inside he knew they were just like acquaintances and would never be really good friends as they just didn’t match. Hyunseung wanted someone to hang out, to just laugh about random things and enjoy life. Be a teenager. Something he had never been able to do. There was always that specific feeling missing.
And Junhyung…well, he gave a feeling like he would be a good friend.
It seems what stopped Hyunseung from letting people close was his insecurity. He had gotten hurt a lot in his life, people leaving him on his own, some betraying and some disappearing. He had been a small boy then and a child’s psychological state is even weaker and more fragile. It chased him to this present. He can’t get hurt again.
He just can’t.
He doesn’t want to feel the pain again.
That was one of his promises from 10 years ago.
The conclusion? Skip the lunch.
The lesson ended soon after and Hyunseung saw Doojoon glancing at him as if hesitating to ask to go together. Hyunseung knew very well. But as it didn’t go together with his plans, Hyunseung made it impossible as he took his bag and left first, not giving Doojoon a chance. Why with his bag? Because he wasn’t going to return probably and risk getting caught. He can always lie and think up an excuse that something urgent came in the way.
And contrary to a popular belief, he was a great liar. Hyunseung just had his strategy to sometimes lie and make it seem obvious, so people would believe his lies are seen-through and ease their barriers. It’s all about how you make it work.
He headed towards the market while thanking luck that the lunch park was at the other side of the school, making them impossible to see Hyunseung leaving. If it wasn’t for Yoseob, he wouldn’t have had left but he knew the younger was probably going to hunt him down or something for skipping it even though there was no reason to get angry - he always got along with people.
But luck wasn’t at his side that day as while walking around a house corner he bumped into someone, collision so hard that he fell backwards. The other managed to stay up while balancing himself by leaning on the wall in support.
“Ouch,” Hyunseung muttered under his breath. “I’m sorry, I should’ve looked where I was going.”
“Oh no, it’s my fau- Hyunseung?” The voice ended the sentence with a surprise in his tone which made Hyunseung look up.
There he was, the one he was skipping school for.
“Oh, hi,” Hyunseung replied awkwardly.
Junhyung offered him a hand which he took hesitantly before pushing himself on feet again. He didn’t know what else to say so there was a slight silence which Junhyung finally broke.
“Well, this is awkward, I thought you’d be at the lunch-park,” he scratched the back of his neck while letting out a nervous laugh, making Hyunseung fumbling on the hem of his jacket for the same reason.
“Yea, I didn’t feel like so. I heard you and your friends were having lunch together with Yoseob. Why are you here then?” Hyunseung asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible without letting his voice waver as somehow the feeling from last night casted a shadow again. Hyunseung could practically hear that same voice in his head in contrast to the one now.
Junhyung gave out another laugh, “Well, to be truthful, I thought it’d be awkward after what happened and I thought I should keep a slight distance.”
“It’s not like that…” Hyunseung tried to explain but was cut off.
“Then why are you also skipping lunch?”
Hyunseung didn’t answer as he saw slight sadness in Junhyung’s eyes. A look which Hyunseung could recognize easily as he has worn it since childhood. A look of searching for acceptance. Hyunseung felt slight stab at his insides, pouring guilt like acid over every single organ.
The older didn’t know what to answer so he looked to the side, avoiding Junhyung’s eyes as he heard him sigh and gather his own bag that had fallen to the ground.
“Hey, you’re bleeding!” Junhyung voiced suddenly, the sadness disappeared as Hyunseung saw him squatting down, eyeing Hyunseung’s knee. The older felt instantly uncomfortable as he stepped away slightly, making Junhyung’s touch disappear.
“Let’s get that at least fixed up,” he heard the younger say as he stood up again and practically dragged Hyunseung to the nearest bench.
And the next thing surprised Hyunseung quite a bit. Junhyung opened his bag and took out a couple of band-aids and a disinfectant. It seemed quite comical as Hyunseung thought he would never be caught with carrying stuff like these around but instead suffering until getting to the pharmacy or someone else’s help.
While Hyunseung was thinking Junhyung had made Hyunseung sit and squatted in front of him again. The older wore loose jeans so it was easy to scroll it up without making more damage. Junhyung put a band-aid between his lips as he disinfected the wound on Hyunseung’s knee. After doing that he took the band-aid and put it carefully on the cleaned wound.
Hyunseung could only look as his mind went blank after his thoughts. He saw Junhyung brush over the band-aid a couple of more times to ensure it was stuck properly. He even blew on it and grinned at Hyunseung in a childish manner.
“Here you go,” he said and sat next to Hyunseung.
The older didn’t know what else to say but “Thanks,” as he let his eyes fall on his knee again. The jeans were bloody, he hadn’t even noticed it nor the pain which now started to emerge.
From the corners of his eyes Hyunseung saw the younger lean his back against the bench, letting his head fall back as he put his hands stretched out on the backrest.
“Sorry for yesterday though. I had to act that way you know,” Hyunseung saw the younger trying to choose words as his voice was hesitant.
“Yes, it was nothing. Your business is yours, I was just at the wrong place,” he answered but felt a slight slap against his back soon after.
“Don’t say that. But the neighborhood you were in really isn’t the best choice. I meant it when I said you should stay away,” a sigh was heard from Junhyung as he sat straight again, putting the disinfection bottle back to his bag.
“I won’t, don’t worry. I got scarred for life,” Hyunseung tried to joke slightly as he wasn’t used to serious Junhyung at all. The younger had been cheery around him, even though the time was short, but the serious side brought up again not so good memories. The younger must’ve thought that he was a scaredy-cat.
Junhyung snorted but it seemed he got the point.
Word Count: 4509
Rating: PG
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: Two boys meet, each with their own problems. What path has life laid out for them?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.
A/N: I'd...say sth but I'm too tired. It's way too early and I'm supposed to get up in 4 hours. But still - CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM <3 (How the hell people have enough patience to read through their writings so many times -_-)
Guess what. Junhyung was missing again. Not that Hyunseung tried to find him or anything but the information was quite hard to miss. Doojoon had once again entered the lesson at the last second, this time successfully avoiding the teacher. And as he was brushing hair off his forehead, from the corner of his eye Hyunseung noticed a girl slowly going up to him, constantly looking back to her friends who urged her on.
She finally made it to his desk and stood in such an insecure pose that Hyunseung almost thought that she was going to run away every second now. But it seemed the girl was stronger as she finally asked: “Is Junhyung missing again?”
The voice made Hyunseung cringe. The girl was usually a sweet one but this time she had poured too much aegyo into it. It didn’t seem to annoy Doojoon who was most probably used to girls acting that way and he kept on doing what he had done before - looking around his bag and revealing a pen and a textbook before letting the bag end up on the floor again.
“Yeah, it seems so.” His answer was brief but Hyunseung detected some hidden force in it which made the girl freeze in her spot for a second or two before humbly thanking and going back to her seat, looking like a dog with tail between her legs. Doojoon was known for always leaving a big impact on others and strangers who met him for the first time probably didn’t even know what had hit them before the boy was walking away, victorious smile playing on his lips.
It seemed like every single person in their group had that special thing to their image. Well, probably it came with time and slight training but it was still kind of unusual among students as there was a definite line if you were like Doojoon or were just charismatic. It could be said that even teachers talked to them with some kind of wariness in their voice, not that they were scared or anything, just due to some invisible aura that they excluded.
Hyunseung leaned on the desk, supporting his head with his hand while upper arm was against the desk, elbow in 45 degrees. He looked at Doojoon’s back even though he should’ve been listening to the teacher but his thoughts started wondering again. Too bad he didn’t remember about what when the bell rang.
Everyone except Doojoon and Hyunseung was up in a flash, hurrying to make the best out of their 10-minute break. Doojoon slowly pushed himself up and grabbed something from his bag before starting to head out. But before that he briefly turned around and Hyunseung caught a smirk playing on his lips and also in his eyes.
“Junhyung says hi,” he said with slight maliciousness in his voice before continuing his way out. Hyunseung stared at his back in surprise but before finally exiting Doojoon raised his hand up in the air for a goodbye just like Junhyung had done, which released chills running along Hyunseung’s back.
The classroom was now empty, only sounds were the ones from Hyunseung’s clothes while he was changing his position.
Well…That was weird.
As he tried to take in a comfortable position again, he couldn’t help but consider for the hundredth time in this school-year that he should really bring a pillow one day. But his thoughts were interrupted by a girl dashing in, making Hyunseung jump in his seat in surprise. He glanced at the girl who only smiled sweetly in response before taking a camera out of her bag and leaving again, quite hurriedly.
Hyunseung was about to roll his eyes but decided against it - that habit was becoming too severe anyways. And it was obvious what was going on. The girls in his school all had cameras of some sort as it was really popular (almost like a hobby) to take pictures of certain boys that had either transferred to the school or were just eye-candy for them. Everything they could giggle or gossip about.
They even had a club. How absurd is that. Especially as they were high-school girls who are expected to act more grown-up already. Well…Actually they did that, but only when there was a prey in sight, releasing all their pheromones and going in for an attack, showing off their intelligence and everything they have learned in their life. And some…well…their figure.
They didn’t take pictures of Hyunseung though. Was it because how sloppily he dressed at school? Well…That’s what was comfortable. When to think about it, he did receive attention from girls when he first entered high-school but it had soon died out when they classified him as a nerd.
It was like a silent agreement, no one bothered him. Not that Hyunseung thought he had any kind of looks to be photographed. True, he had big eyes and soft skin but what’s use of that when the eyes are underlined with bags and the skin looks so pale that people often think he’s sick. Not attractive at all.
And everyone knows what makes a person especially attractive - humor and how they carry themselves. Looks is on a third-rate for most girls.
Well, whatever it is, he is satisfied with the lack of attention.
“You should quit that dorky attire; you know you look really good under all that?” Yoseob has questioned before but the older has always brushed it off. Like that was possible.
If to look more into depth for Hyunseung’s insecurity about his looks, everything comes down to the childhood like always. Every single word he heard was criticizing as he was supposed to be brought up to be perfect as possible. He suffered a lot because of that - lack of sleep, long lessons outside of school, tagging along with his step-father to meetings. He had no time to live like a normal child.
That was before his mother got pregnant with another baby and all attention and future hopes were passed on.
But the damage was already done and all what he had suffered for had gone to waste. As he grew, so did his insecurities which of course came with a package that even his looks were awful. Mostly because of his girlish features which annoyed him up to no end. He didn’t ever want to hear it again, even not from his own thoughts as those were the only thing his parents had ever praised him for.
The school was far over and he was walking through the city after having visited his favorite spot. It was quite dark already and there weren’t many people on the streets.
The shops were all closed so it must’ve been around 11pm. Even though there was nothing to do anymore, Hyunseung liked this time of the night as somehow it seems to make him feel like he’s all alone on a road which is always bustling with action. The thought gave him slight chills as he walked down the street, only hearing some rows or shouts coming from random directions - drunk people always hung around the city in the middle of the week.
The feeling overall was comforting; to see the sky almost pitch-black above him, the moon being the only source of light with slight help from the stars. The street-lights should’ve been turned on already but it was obvious the government was trying to save up electricity by letting people walk in the dark and help crimes being committed. Hyunseung snorted.
He felt lucky being a guy. At least the percent of someone attacking was quite low so he could take it easy and not worry as much.
He acknowledged the dangers of the city, especially at this time but even though he sometimes found himself slightly shaken, he still kept doing these late-night walks. Even the smallest bit of adrenaline was enough to keep him motivated. His life had become quite emotionless which made this a must.
It didn’t matter that this neighborhood was one of the most dangerous ones ever.
It’s perfect. Feeling chills run along your back while the slight hair on your neck rises. Your insides get all hollow which comes along with a slight tickling feeling that you can’t help but enjoy. All this to gain a small adrenaline rush. This was the feeling he wanted to achieve. And if he was lucky, even the nervous thumping when he feels scared.
He was walking down the road, absorbed in his thoughts but as he was about to pass another group of people that had gathered at the corner of the street, his ears detected specific sound-waves. And he could only curse as his mind automatically decoded it in blink of an eye. Hyunseung didn’t even acknowledge when he slowed his step, probably to make sure he was right.
This place was quite secluded and not among the busiest parts of the city. This street especially had many dark narrow side-alleys and those people were just in one of those, on the part where it met with the main-street.
The group was discussing something heatedly but still kept their voices hushed down. This made suspicion rise as he kept staring at that specific back his eyes had fell on while passing by. Even though he knew who he was, his curiosity got the best of him as now he couldn’t help but try to make out words but which he wasn’t so good at.
Suddenly the back Hyunseung eyes had lied on froze in his spot while the others mumbled something to him. Then something happened Hyunseung wouldn’t have expected - Junhyung turned around and exactly looked at him without even a second of searching like he had already sensed him.
Hyunseung inhaled sharply and jolted back without noticing. He nodded and let his gaze leave the boy, continuing onwards, but little did he know it was late as Junhyung already excused him from the group and headed over, something already different sensed from his walk.
At this point Hyunseung really could’ve mistaken him for a mafia boss or something, especially with that long dark coat. His whole posture was slightly intimidating as his expression was even worse - serious.
Dead-serious.
Something Hyunseung hadn’t noted before as the other’s eyes had always had that specific kind of neutrality but this time Hyunseung sensed easily why he belonged in the group with Doojoon even though his eyes were shimmering with cheerfulness most of the time.
Right now…Hyunseung really got a feeling that Junhyung might be the worst out of them all.
He felt the heaviness of the atmosphere pressing him down to the ground, Hyunseung’s limbs paralyzed as he was unable to do anything. While watching movies he had never understood how it could happen as he got annoyed with the characters but now he exactly knew how - it just happened. Your brain freezes, your nerves won’t deliver commands as your eyes are caught with another set, tying you down in place with invisible ropes. You feel as if you are suffocating but can’t do anything to stop it.
Junhyung approached him almost in slow-motion as Hyunseung saw a flash of fire and a bit later a puff of smoke coming out of his mouth. He reached him in a cool manner but when he got there, Junhyung grabbed at the collar of his shirt, pulling Hyunseung close to him so his mouth was near the other’s ear but still blocking the older from the other’s view. A tiny whimper escaped the back of Hyunseung’s throat as he remembered violent acts from the past.
“What are you doing here?” Junhyung hissed into his ear and the older could see he was pissed off. Hyunseung could only mumble something like ‘Can’t I walk where I want’ and Junhyung released the grip at that but not without pushing the other backwards. It wasn’t too harsh but the feeling where his hands had touched the other’s chest hurt lightly.
His eyes. They didn’t have that soft glint to it anymore, they was framed by dark shadows, bringing out the black and as his chin was tiled slightly down, it made him look even more frightening.
“This isn’t the neighborhood to be in at this time,” he said, glancing slightly over his back to see some from his group looking at him. Hyunseung also noted the looks on the other people and there was a slight ‘click’ sound in his mind, releasing a terrifying feeling when he saw some metal shining. And all his memories were also triggered.
“Shit. Don’t ever come to this neighborhood. Get going and keep your face hidden,” Junhyung said while pulling Hyunseung’s hoodie rashly over his head before shoving him even further away by his shoulders. His tone was commanding and harsh, giving Hyunseung’s mind a warning that if he didn’t leave soon he was going to get into big trouble.
He threw a last glance to Junhyung who went back as Hyunseung took his advice and made sure the hoodie wasn’t going to fall off., heading to the other direction so his face wouldn’t be revealed. He didn’t want to take any chances.
Having made it a kilometer away and feeling in a safe distance, he let out a breath and he suddenly felt his heart thumping loud in his chest. Somehow this whole situation screamed of danger to him. That he had to get away. Even now. The further the better.
So he set his feet on the road to home, still glancing over his shoulder many times, just in case while his heart still skipped a beat every time a cat suddenly ran over the road or other small noises reached his ears he wouldn’t have had noticed before.
All his nerves were super-sensitive and even though talking to someone about this would make them roll their eyes and be like ‘That’s it?’ the truth was the feeling can never be forwarded in words. It was awful, how suddenly every part of your body became suddenly clumsy and you didn’t know even how to hold your hand to look normal. Also the fidgeting and only before his door he found cold sweat on his forehead when he brushed his hair out of his face.
Why? He couldn’t sort out specific thoughts about it as his mind was still highly alerted and unable to function, only primitive instincts in action and helping to get him upstairs.
Usually you’d think it’d be impossible to sleep in such state but that seemed another false story as after being mentally so worn out as the meeting and the air around there had sucked out every single bit of his energy, he just collapsed on his bed and fell asleep, without dreams.
Alarm rang and Hyunseung slowly got up in his bed, feeling his head aching, like suffering from a hangover. It felt as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep at all as every part of his body was aching from tiredness.
He glanced at the mirror over a while, seeing the usual face even worse than originally - bags under the eyes were worse, eyes were blank and lifeless, cheeks were slightly hollow and his complexion even paler as If he had seen a ghost.
He took a fast shower and got into clean clothes before proceeding to school, only stopping by the kitchen to get a bite where her mother seemed to be cooking at the moment as he heard the pan sizzle even from the stairs. Hyunseung gave out a sigh as he knew the situation already beforehand.
“Sit down, food is almost ready,” his mother said with a warm smile but suddenly went back to serious as she saw his son. “What happened? Is an exam coming or are you sick?”
Hyunseung could feel the worry in her voice. “Nothing,” he said before taking an apple and leaving the kitchen in hurry. He didn’t want to hurt her with his words but he couldn’t act nice towards her either.
How should he say it?
She kind of betrayed him.
True, Hyunseung would’ve cared less if it had been some minor thing but the matter that had been discussed was his future. And they told him off, preferring some 12-year-old brat to him who didn’t seem to grow up to be able to handle it anyway.
Mostly because even when they had been hard on Hyunseung, he gained a lot of experience and skills, but it seems they had realized their mistake as the other younger one was being brought up in another extreme - over-pampering. Though he often thinks, maybe they didn’t realize their mistake, maybe the real son was just more important as Hyunseung was just a replacement.
That’s a nice purpose for life.
And that’s why he can’t help but act cold to her mother because she didn’t defend him. At all. Between two of her sons Hyunseung had always felt like having been casted aside and that’s how he had lived the last 12 years of his life. The freedom wasn’t so sweet anymore.
Hyunseung made it to school easily with aching muscles and thanked his luck that the first period was history. It was the best sleeping-lesson ever as he was probably going to fall asleep anyway even though he had decided to start listening in class again. It’s not like he was born with all the information in his head.
He was right as in the first 10 seconds into the class he was fast asleep, not even noticing students come late, including Doojoon who gave out a sigh.
That’s how first lessons went, Hyunseung didn’t wake up even at the recess, even though all the girls were chatting too loudly while leaving the class-room. That’s how he got nice 3 hours of sleep before he felt someone poking him. Hyunseung mumbled something in his sleep back but the poking didn’t stop so he opened his eyes slowly to see Yoseob.
“Hey, what’s up?” Yoseob was wearing his smile again but after seeing the other’s face his expression also got more serious, “What happened? Home problems?”
Hyunseung only brushed it off with a gesture of his hand. “Nothing of that sort,” he straightened in his seat, leaning back, “So what brings you here?” Hyunseung asked while looking up his apple which had spots on it thanks to the sharp corners of the textbooks. Hyunseung scrunched his nose in disapproval.
“Anyway, I just wanted to warn you that somehow that group Junhyung and those are in, they started to talk to me and don’t ask me how but they’re going to eat lunch with us. So you have been warned,” Yoseob said while glancing at Hyunseung to see any emotion appear on his face. No success.
Hyunseung had gotten over the last night’s weird shock as his mind was processing what to think of this arrangement. Did Junhyung want to explain? Or was Hyunseung in some kind of trouble for witnessing what he shouldn’t have?
He glanced at Yoseob who was still waiting for an answer.
‘Oh, ok,” Hyunseung answered.
After Yoseob was gone Hyunseung was left there to think. The lesson had already started and people were paying attention to the teacher in front of the class.
Maybe skip the lunch? Even though Hyunseung knew there was really no point avoiding him as the younger couldn’t do anything except warn him to stay away. It was quite clear. But what really kept Hyunseung away was his psychological state. Apart from the fright from yesterday, Junhyung had done enough already.
No one could probably see that but Hyunseung could feel it. Even though the time spent with the younger boy had been short, Hyunseung was getting unexpectedly comfortable. They knew nothing about each other, but something about Junhyung was making Hyunseung accept him. Or was it just the need for a real friend? Or someone who seemed In some sense similar to him?
He had Yoseob though. He hadn’t wanted to get acquainted to anyone in the first place. But inside he knew they were just like acquaintances and would never be really good friends as they just didn’t match. Hyunseung wanted someone to hang out, to just laugh about random things and enjoy life. Be a teenager. Something he had never been able to do. There was always that specific feeling missing.
And Junhyung…well, he gave a feeling like he would be a good friend.
It seems what stopped Hyunseung from letting people close was his insecurity. He had gotten hurt a lot in his life, people leaving him on his own, some betraying and some disappearing. He had been a small boy then and a child’s psychological state is even weaker and more fragile. It chased him to this present. He can’t get hurt again.
He just can’t.
He doesn’t want to feel the pain again.
That was one of his promises from 10 years ago.
The conclusion? Skip the lunch.
The lesson ended soon after and Hyunseung saw Doojoon glancing at him as if hesitating to ask to go together. Hyunseung knew very well. But as it didn’t go together with his plans, Hyunseung made it impossible as he took his bag and left first, not giving Doojoon a chance. Why with his bag? Because he wasn’t going to return probably and risk getting caught. He can always lie and think up an excuse that something urgent came in the way.
And contrary to a popular belief, he was a great liar. Hyunseung just had his strategy to sometimes lie and make it seem obvious, so people would believe his lies are seen-through and ease their barriers. It’s all about how you make it work.
He headed towards the market while thanking luck that the lunch park was at the other side of the school, making them impossible to see Hyunseung leaving. If it wasn’t for Yoseob, he wouldn’t have had left but he knew the younger was probably going to hunt him down or something for skipping it even though there was no reason to get angry - he always got along with people.
But luck wasn’t at his side that day as while walking around a house corner he bumped into someone, collision so hard that he fell backwards. The other managed to stay up while balancing himself by leaning on the wall in support.
“Ouch,” Hyunseung muttered under his breath. “I’m sorry, I should’ve looked where I was going.”
“Oh no, it’s my fau- Hyunseung?” The voice ended the sentence with a surprise in his tone which made Hyunseung look up.
There he was, the one he was skipping school for.
“Oh, hi,” Hyunseung replied awkwardly.
Junhyung offered him a hand which he took hesitantly before pushing himself on feet again. He didn’t know what else to say so there was a slight silence which Junhyung finally broke.
“Well, this is awkward, I thought you’d be at the lunch-park,” he scratched the back of his neck while letting out a nervous laugh, making Hyunseung fumbling on the hem of his jacket for the same reason.
“Yea, I didn’t feel like so. I heard you and your friends were having lunch together with Yoseob. Why are you here then?” Hyunseung asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible without letting his voice waver as somehow the feeling from last night casted a shadow again. Hyunseung could practically hear that same voice in his head in contrast to the one now.
Junhyung gave out another laugh, “Well, to be truthful, I thought it’d be awkward after what happened and I thought I should keep a slight distance.”
“It’s not like that…” Hyunseung tried to explain but was cut off.
“Then why are you also skipping lunch?”
Hyunseung didn’t answer as he saw slight sadness in Junhyung’s eyes. A look which Hyunseung could recognize easily as he has worn it since childhood. A look of searching for acceptance. Hyunseung felt slight stab at his insides, pouring guilt like acid over every single organ.
The older didn’t know what to answer so he looked to the side, avoiding Junhyung’s eyes as he heard him sigh and gather his own bag that had fallen to the ground.
“Hey, you’re bleeding!” Junhyung voiced suddenly, the sadness disappeared as Hyunseung saw him squatting down, eyeing Hyunseung’s knee. The older felt instantly uncomfortable as he stepped away slightly, making Junhyung’s touch disappear.
“Let’s get that at least fixed up,” he heard the younger say as he stood up again and practically dragged Hyunseung to the nearest bench.
And the next thing surprised Hyunseung quite a bit. Junhyung opened his bag and took out a couple of band-aids and a disinfectant. It seemed quite comical as Hyunseung thought he would never be caught with carrying stuff like these around but instead suffering until getting to the pharmacy or someone else’s help.
While Hyunseung was thinking Junhyung had made Hyunseung sit and squatted in front of him again. The older wore loose jeans so it was easy to scroll it up without making more damage. Junhyung put a band-aid between his lips as he disinfected the wound on Hyunseung’s knee. After doing that he took the band-aid and put it carefully on the cleaned wound.
Hyunseung could only look as his mind went blank after his thoughts. He saw Junhyung brush over the band-aid a couple of more times to ensure it was stuck properly. He even blew on it and grinned at Hyunseung in a childish manner.
“Here you go,” he said and sat next to Hyunseung.
The older didn’t know what else to say but “Thanks,” as he let his eyes fall on his knee again. The jeans were bloody, he hadn’t even noticed it nor the pain which now started to emerge.
From the corners of his eyes Hyunseung saw the younger lean his back against the bench, letting his head fall back as he put his hands stretched out on the backrest.
“Sorry for yesterday though. I had to act that way you know,” Hyunseung saw the younger trying to choose words as his voice was hesitant.
“Yes, it was nothing. Your business is yours, I was just at the wrong place,” he answered but felt a slight slap against his back soon after.
“Don’t say that. But the neighborhood you were in really isn’t the best choice. I meant it when I said you should stay away,” a sigh was heard from Junhyung as he sat straight again, putting the disinfection bottle back to his bag.
“I won’t, don’t worry. I got scarred for life,” Hyunseung tried to joke slightly as he wasn’t used to serious Junhyung at all. The younger had been cheery around him, even though the time was short, but the serious side brought up again not so good memories. The younger must’ve thought that he was a scaredy-cat.
Junhyung snorted but it seemed he got the point.