Oneshot. Perfect imperfection
For yukwol because I love to indulge her LOL. Also, this is supposed to be the sequel of this, though of course it can be read as a stand-alone.
1.
Kyuhyun reaches out to wipe at the steamed up mirror, revealing his own reflection: drenched black hair sticking to broad forehead, lips bruised for he has been biting at them for the past ten minutes, and a bite mark standing bold against the skin of his left shoulder. It has taken him twice as long as usual to clean himself; and yet he can still sense the scent of Ryeowook on his skin, the taste of him on his tongue, the feel of his skin under his fingertips. They anger him, they make him want to grab whatever within his reach and break them into millions of pieces.
Just like how his heart has been broken by Ryeowook.
Kyuhyun staggers out of the bathroom and collapses on his bed, where he realizes that if his feelings are surreal and just the products of his wild imagination; what he's looking at is a harsh reminder of reality. His bedsheet is stained and crumpled, blanket already cold but still vaguely smells of Ryeowook's cologne; and his only pillow's gone missing, probably thrown away last night when they were in the middle of...
Kyuhyun buries his face in the mattress, trying to chase away the memories despite knowing the impossibility of the task; they are much too clear, too abiding, too bittersweet. How he is supposed to move on now after Ryeowook gave him all of these and left with a goodbye that destroyed his last hope.
"I didn't come for make-up sex, Kyuhyun. I came to bid you farewell."
The moment his front door was shut behind Ryeowook's back, his world turned up side down, again.
And that time or this, he knows it's him who has to take the blame.
2.
"I didn't come for make-up sex, Kyuhyun. I came to bid you farewell."
Ryeowook didn't know he was capable of saying something so poignant, but he said anyway, straight to the face of a shocked Kyuhyun, before slamming the door shut and walking away without a glance back. It was his sweet revenge for the one he used to love with everything he had.
Kyuhyun deserves it because he was an insensitive partner before, and still is now; although Ryeowook shouldn't address him as his partner because right now he is not; they broke up about two months ago. Those were fifty five days of waiting for Ryeowook, days of holding on to his cellphone anticipating a call, of even just a message of apology from Kyuhyun. Something that could have made him change his mind and make everything alright.
Something that never came.
He couldn't say he hadn't seen that coming. Yet he couldn't say he hadn't hoped for the better, for Kyuhyun to change. So stupid of him to think one's nature can be so easily altered, much less someone like Kyuhyun.
He better learn the lesson by now, that when Ryeowook tries to keep it, he does his best; but when he wants to break it, he does with no less of a passion. Nothing Kyuhyun does can change the fact that he is now coming back no more.
He closes his eyes, sinking into his sofa so as to ease the pain in his lower region that caused him to limp around all this morning.
There is no way though, to ease this pain in his heart.
3.
Kyuhyun picks up his paintbrush and started to work on the huge canvas until the white surface is filled with meaningless black and red strokes. It's not a drawing, just an ugly mess; complained Zhoumi who has been nagging at him that if this continues, Kyuhyun would soon be forgotten. "You've got the talent and everything, Kyuhyun, don't let them go wasted! I don't want you to be a one-hit-wonder artist!"
Kyuhyun throws his brush away, growling. "I just can't. My muse's gone, my inspiration's gone, what more do you expect from an uninspired artist???"
"It's your stupid fault anyway, sorry to say but you're in no position to complain." Heechul who has been keeping silence snickered, to which Kyuhyun can only nod in agreement "I know, so now could you guys please leave me alone? It's already too much for me without your penetration."
"Fine," Heechul pulls with him a frustrated Zhoumi. "By the way, I can't believe that during the last two months you didn't even SMS him. What's running in that head of yours is beyond me. How the hell did Ryeowook even bother to put up with you in the first place???"
"It was because I told myself he would come to change his mind" he mumbles as the elders left him on his own. "And how wrong I was."
He should have known it better. Now that Kyuhyun looks back, realization hits him hard that all he did was simply take take and take; being a selfish inconsiderate partner. It was him who did not notice it when Ryeowook showed signs of being sick, who left him alone at home just to join a meaningless celebration party. It was him who avoided bringing Ryeowook to the gatherings with his new friends; for the reason that he wanted no one else to look at his muse; Ryeowook's beauty is his and his only. Kyuhyun always assumed that Ryeowook would understand, would sympathize; because he was the kind and forgiving Ryeowook. What the other actually felt, he never figured until the day Ryeowook unleashed them all on him and decided that their way should part.
And yet he remained oblivious, fooling himself in thinking it was just another lovers' quarrel, that Ryeowook would be back, he just needed some time to adjust. Kyuhyun has grown too accustomed to being unconditionally forgiven by his lover that when he is not, it's all falling apart.
Had he known, he would have done everything to undo the pain he caused. But he didn't, and this is the price he has to pay for having been egocentric.
A price much too high for a lesson learnt.
4.
Ryeowook loves Paris. To think he once considered giving up on his scholarship because he felt depressed about his relationship with Kyuhyun, he wants to laugh. In the end it was Kyuhyun that he gave up, wasn't it?
He feels good now, with al the freedom he's got. Every day he wakes up early to walk to the academy where he can freely play and create music, where he has lots of new friends who share the same interests. On nights when he takes a break from practicing, he strolled along the streets enjoying the night view of this heaven on earth. During weekends, he either goes camping or wanders through the city's parks breathing some fresh air with his headphones on.
Life couldn't get better. And yet there is something that is still not right.
He stopped searching for Kyuhyun's body lying next to him when he's half awake in the morning after the first month; but it does not stop his own from missing the warmth it was so used to. When he walks on the streets at night seeing couples walking with arms linked together; Ryeowook is reminded of how he was jealous of how other couples could openly show their love in public while he and Kyuhyun could not. The parks here bears too much resemblance to those in Seoul where he used to go with Kyuhyun on days when the weather was nice. He would play around and Kyuhyun would just sit there drawing several sketches of him until Ryeowook pulled him up on his feet. Their relationship was suffocating for Ryeowook when he decided to leave, but there were more fond memories than forgettable ones. And above all, he knows that no matter how ignorant Kyuhyun can be sometimes; that he loves Ryeowook cannot be doubted.
He can't play on broken strings, still. That key to Kyuhyun's apartment he still kept in a pocket of his suitcase should be thrown away soon, when he is ready.
Question is, how long it will take until he's willing not to keep it anymore?
5.
Two weeks after he came back to his homeland on holiday, Ryeowook finds himself at the front door of Kyuhyun’s apartment.
It was all because of that sketchbook Heechul left at his place which is full of rough sketches of him. The style is distinct, Ryeowook recognized whom it belonged to in an instant; and really who else’s would Heechul have given him?
Ryeowook wasn’t sure how he felt about the sketchbook. He just knew that he spent the whole previous night flipping through its pages covered with his own features ; familiar yet unfamiliar because Kyuhyun put his emotions in the way he drew the arch of Ryeowook’s eyebrows, the curve of his lips; in the way he shaded his iris that made his look so sorrowful.
Does it reflect how Kyuhyun feels right now? Ryeowook wants to figure, that’s why he’s here; yet hesitant to ring the doorbell, afraid of the questions with which he might be faced. Should he, could he, would he admit to that reason? Or would he make up a lie? He could just back out right now as well, and book a flight back tomorrow, as if this never happened.
He has probably used too much time contemplating, as when he looks up Kyuhyun’s already been there staring wide eyes at him in utter shock. Another minute passes before Kyuhyun says hello and invites him in, and Ryeowook follows; noticing the room in which Kyuhyun usually works is left opened.
Out of his innate curiosity, his feet lead him there when Kyuhyun goes to make some tea, a decision he soon has to regret upon seeing those sketches scattered all around and that painting of himself on the wall. The butterfly tattoo captured in it awakens memories of good old days that Ryeowook’s tried to bury deep down his heart and forget though he knew he could never.
“Sorry, I... I need to go right now!” Then loud noise of glasses shattering, then Kyuhyun’s shout and his steps are heard before Ryeowook’s hand is pulled from the doorknob. Soon it's followed by lots of yelling, pulling, pushing.
And eventually, kissing.
6.
Some time in between their frantic kisses, Ryeowook’s back meets the softness of Kyuhyun’s bed.
Deprivation adds oil to the flaming passions, heats up the already hot touches, and drives them crazy with the need for more. Ryeowook tightens the hook of his legs around Kyuhyun’s waist, to bring him closer and maybe to anchor himself in reality; though it does not help when he arches off the bed and gets lost in blinding ecstasy. When Kyuhyun collapses on him just moments later, words of love and apologies are vaguely heard among the nothingness he’s murmuring to him; but Ryeowook does not care for now, mind drifting to another world.
Time for thinking about the decision will come when the next day approaches.
7.
For the second time on this very bed, Ryeowook’s waken by the red light of sunset. Kyuhyun’s lips are traveling up his body again, following the path he marked yesterday, only more slowly and gently. His facial hair pricks on Ryeowook’s skin, a foreign feeling since Kyuhyun was always cleanly shaved before when they were together. "Tell me, Kyuhyun, what are we going to do after this? Which phase of the relationship are we supposed to come back to?"
Kyuhyun sighs, his breath tickles Ryeowook's skin. "You know I am not to decide. I don't know if I'll do something stupid and hurt you again... like the last time."
He pauses. "I am sorry. Although no matter how many times I apologize, I will never justify what I've done to you. Sorry for being an egoistic jerk. Sorry for never called you during those two months. Sorry for..."
Ryeowook tangles his fingers in Kyuhyun's messy locks and pulls him up, shushes him with a light kiss. "Then what about the past 4 months I was in France? You didn't contact me either."
"You said it was over for us, and I knew you mean it after... after that night. I didn't want to be a burden for you yet again. I didn't know what was the right thing to do, so I chose not to do anything."
Ryeowook smiles. "You never change, Kyu. Sometimes I wonder why I fell in love with you in the first place."
"I know right." Kyuhyun chuckles. "We're like the opposite of each other."
"I did try to forget, since I was convinced I loved you a little less than before. But I guess I love you too much. I hate your being inconsiderate, but without your imperfection you're not my Kyuhyun anymore."
Kyuhyun's hand reaches for Ryeowook's. "Then teach me how to love you right... so I won't ever hurt you again."
"Then promise me you'll be a diligent student." Their lips find each other again in a warm, chaste kiss which tastes of love, and forgiveness for Kyuhyun.
Alone he's imperfect, but still they are perfect together.
1.
Kyuhyun reaches out to wipe at the steamed up mirror, revealing his own reflection: drenched black hair sticking to broad forehead, lips bruised for he has been biting at them for the past ten minutes, and a bite mark standing bold against the skin of his left shoulder. It has taken him twice as long as usual to clean himself; and yet he can still sense the scent of Ryeowook on his skin, the taste of him on his tongue, the feel of his skin under his fingertips. They anger him, they make him want to grab whatever within his reach and break them into millions of pieces.
Just like how his heart has been broken by Ryeowook.
Kyuhyun staggers out of the bathroom and collapses on his bed, where he realizes that if his feelings are surreal and just the products of his wild imagination; what he's looking at is a harsh reminder of reality. His bedsheet is stained and crumpled, blanket already cold but still vaguely smells of Ryeowook's cologne; and his only pillow's gone missing, probably thrown away last night when they were in the middle of...
Kyuhyun buries his face in the mattress, trying to chase away the memories despite knowing the impossibility of the task; they are much too clear, too abiding, too bittersweet. How he is supposed to move on now after Ryeowook gave him all of these and left with a goodbye that destroyed his last hope.
"I didn't come for make-up sex, Kyuhyun. I came to bid you farewell."
The moment his front door was shut behind Ryeowook's back, his world turned up side down, again.
And that time or this, he knows it's him who has to take the blame.
2.
"I didn't come for make-up sex, Kyuhyun. I came to bid you farewell."
Ryeowook didn't know he was capable of saying something so poignant, but he said anyway, straight to the face of a shocked Kyuhyun, before slamming the door shut and walking away without a glance back. It was his sweet revenge for the one he used to love with everything he had.
Kyuhyun deserves it because he was an insensitive partner before, and still is now; although Ryeowook shouldn't address him as his partner because right now he is not; they broke up about two months ago. Those were fifty five days of waiting for Ryeowook, days of holding on to his cellphone anticipating a call, of even just a message of apology from Kyuhyun. Something that could have made him change his mind and make everything alright.
Something that never came.
He couldn't say he hadn't seen that coming. Yet he couldn't say he hadn't hoped for the better, for Kyuhyun to change. So stupid of him to think one's nature can be so easily altered, much less someone like Kyuhyun.
He better learn the lesson by now, that when Ryeowook tries to keep it, he does his best; but when he wants to break it, he does with no less of a passion. Nothing Kyuhyun does can change the fact that he is now coming back no more.
He closes his eyes, sinking into his sofa so as to ease the pain in his lower region that caused him to limp around all this morning.
There is no way though, to ease this pain in his heart.
3.
Kyuhyun picks up his paintbrush and started to work on the huge canvas until the white surface is filled with meaningless black and red strokes. It's not a drawing, just an ugly mess; complained Zhoumi who has been nagging at him that if this continues, Kyuhyun would soon be forgotten. "You've got the talent and everything, Kyuhyun, don't let them go wasted! I don't want you to be a one-hit-wonder artist!"
Kyuhyun throws his brush away, growling. "I just can't. My muse's gone, my inspiration's gone, what more do you expect from an uninspired artist???"
"It's your stupid fault anyway, sorry to say but you're in no position to complain." Heechul who has been keeping silence snickered, to which Kyuhyun can only nod in agreement "I know, so now could you guys please leave me alone? It's already too much for me without your penetration."
"Fine," Heechul pulls with him a frustrated Zhoumi. "By the way, I can't believe that during the last two months you didn't even SMS him. What's running in that head of yours is beyond me. How the hell did Ryeowook even bother to put up with you in the first place???"
"It was because I told myself he would come to change his mind" he mumbles as the elders left him on his own. "And how wrong I was."
He should have known it better. Now that Kyuhyun looks back, realization hits him hard that all he did was simply take take and take; being a selfish inconsiderate partner. It was him who did not notice it when Ryeowook showed signs of being sick, who left him alone at home just to join a meaningless celebration party. It was him who avoided bringing Ryeowook to the gatherings with his new friends; for the reason that he wanted no one else to look at his muse; Ryeowook's beauty is his and his only. Kyuhyun always assumed that Ryeowook would understand, would sympathize; because he was the kind and forgiving Ryeowook. What the other actually felt, he never figured until the day Ryeowook unleashed them all on him and decided that their way should part.
And yet he remained oblivious, fooling himself in thinking it was just another lovers' quarrel, that Ryeowook would be back, he just needed some time to adjust. Kyuhyun has grown too accustomed to being unconditionally forgiven by his lover that when he is not, it's all falling apart.
Had he known, he would have done everything to undo the pain he caused. But he didn't, and this is the price he has to pay for having been egocentric.
A price much too high for a lesson learnt.
4.
Ryeowook loves Paris. To think he once considered giving up on his scholarship because he felt depressed about his relationship with Kyuhyun, he wants to laugh. In the end it was Kyuhyun that he gave up, wasn't it?
He feels good now, with al the freedom he's got. Every day he wakes up early to walk to the academy where he can freely play and create music, where he has lots of new friends who share the same interests. On nights when he takes a break from practicing, he strolled along the streets enjoying the night view of this heaven on earth. During weekends, he either goes camping or wanders through the city's parks breathing some fresh air with his headphones on.
Life couldn't get better. And yet there is something that is still not right.
He stopped searching for Kyuhyun's body lying next to him when he's half awake in the morning after the first month; but it does not stop his own from missing the warmth it was so used to. When he walks on the streets at night seeing couples walking with arms linked together; Ryeowook is reminded of how he was jealous of how other couples could openly show their love in public while he and Kyuhyun could not. The parks here bears too much resemblance to those in Seoul where he used to go with Kyuhyun on days when the weather was nice. He would play around and Kyuhyun would just sit there drawing several sketches of him until Ryeowook pulled him up on his feet. Their relationship was suffocating for Ryeowook when he decided to leave, but there were more fond memories than forgettable ones. And above all, he knows that no matter how ignorant Kyuhyun can be sometimes; that he loves Ryeowook cannot be doubted.
He can't play on broken strings, still. That key to Kyuhyun's apartment he still kept in a pocket of his suitcase should be thrown away soon, when he is ready.
Question is, how long it will take until he's willing not to keep it anymore?
5.
Two weeks after he came back to his homeland on holiday, Ryeowook finds himself at the front door of Kyuhyun’s apartment.
It was all because of that sketchbook Heechul left at his place which is full of rough sketches of him. The style is distinct, Ryeowook recognized whom it belonged to in an instant; and really who else’s would Heechul have given him?
Ryeowook wasn’t sure how he felt about the sketchbook. He just knew that he spent the whole previous night flipping through its pages covered with his own features ; familiar yet unfamiliar because Kyuhyun put his emotions in the way he drew the arch of Ryeowook’s eyebrows, the curve of his lips; in the way he shaded his iris that made his look so sorrowful.
Does it reflect how Kyuhyun feels right now? Ryeowook wants to figure, that’s why he’s here; yet hesitant to ring the doorbell, afraid of the questions with which he might be faced. Should he, could he, would he admit to that reason? Or would he make up a lie? He could just back out right now as well, and book a flight back tomorrow, as if this never happened.
He has probably used too much time contemplating, as when he looks up Kyuhyun’s already been there staring wide eyes at him in utter shock. Another minute passes before Kyuhyun says hello and invites him in, and Ryeowook follows; noticing the room in which Kyuhyun usually works is left opened.
Out of his innate curiosity, his feet lead him there when Kyuhyun goes to make some tea, a decision he soon has to regret upon seeing those sketches scattered all around and that painting of himself on the wall. The butterfly tattoo captured in it awakens memories of good old days that Ryeowook’s tried to bury deep down his heart and forget though he knew he could never.
“Sorry, I... I need to go right now!” Then loud noise of glasses shattering, then Kyuhyun’s shout and his steps are heard before Ryeowook’s hand is pulled from the doorknob. Soon it's followed by lots of yelling, pulling, pushing.
And eventually, kissing.
6.
Some time in between their frantic kisses, Ryeowook’s back meets the softness of Kyuhyun’s bed.
Deprivation adds oil to the flaming passions, heats up the already hot touches, and drives them crazy with the need for more. Ryeowook tightens the hook of his legs around Kyuhyun’s waist, to bring him closer and maybe to anchor himself in reality; though it does not help when he arches off the bed and gets lost in blinding ecstasy. When Kyuhyun collapses on him just moments later, words of love and apologies are vaguely heard among the nothingness he’s murmuring to him; but Ryeowook does not care for now, mind drifting to another world.
Time for thinking about the decision will come when the next day approaches.
7.
For the second time on this very bed, Ryeowook’s waken by the red light of sunset. Kyuhyun’s lips are traveling up his body again, following the path he marked yesterday, only more slowly and gently. His facial hair pricks on Ryeowook’s skin, a foreign feeling since Kyuhyun was always cleanly shaved before when they were together. "Tell me, Kyuhyun, what are we going to do after this? Which phase of the relationship are we supposed to come back to?"
Kyuhyun sighs, his breath tickles Ryeowook's skin. "You know I am not to decide. I don't know if I'll do something stupid and hurt you again... like the last time."
He pauses. "I am sorry. Although no matter how many times I apologize, I will never justify what I've done to you. Sorry for being an egoistic jerk. Sorry for never called you during those two months. Sorry for..."
Ryeowook tangles his fingers in Kyuhyun's messy locks and pulls him up, shushes him with a light kiss. "Then what about the past 4 months I was in France? You didn't contact me either."
"You said it was over for us, and I knew you mean it after... after that night. I didn't want to be a burden for you yet again. I didn't know what was the right thing to do, so I chose not to do anything."
Ryeowook smiles. "You never change, Kyu. Sometimes I wonder why I fell in love with you in the first place."
"I know right." Kyuhyun chuckles. "We're like the opposite of each other."
"I did try to forget, since I was convinced I loved you a little less than before. But I guess I love you too much. I hate your being inconsiderate, but without your imperfection you're not my Kyuhyun anymore."
Kyuhyun's hand reaches for Ryeowook's. "Then teach me how to love you right... so I won't ever hurt you again."
"Then promise me you'll be a diligent student." Their lips find each other again in a warm, chaste kiss which tastes of love, and forgiveness for Kyuhyun.
Alone he's imperfect, but still they are perfect together.