bashing my head against the wall

[lynxyoukai]

god, life sucks...just all around. i mean it isn't even just school...it is me...life...everything. i had math which always brings me down...then if that wasn't enough...i got like a 75 on my astronomy test. god it just sucks. i just hope my gpa isn't too bad...please, gaia, let me pass...just let me get past this year and move on. anyway, enough

Comments

[anduril_phoenix]

*lots of hugs* Sorry school's giving you so much trouble. I had a lot of trouble in college too.

You've got lots of friends and a lover who care about you. I sure as hell don't want you ending everything. If you need a friend to talk to, you know where to find me. I'm willing to listen.

[lynxyoukai]

*weak hug* sorry, i'm still feeling pretty shity...i put on a good facade for the rest of the world though. i just have to get it out so i put this up...i really contemplated deleting this entry but i'm not going to. i wonder if tora read it...i don't know. oh, i changed the pic in my info and changed my info a little...i added my sexual confusion in...again...i just don't know. i wish there was just some way for me to just know without a doubt...i hate doubt some times. i'm glad i have people to talk to...oh, do you have an aim or yahoo messenger account...i get on that a lot...easy way to talk..you know? thanks for being here for me...

[anduril_phoenix]

*more hugs and a big filet mignon* I have an AIM account, but the version I have at work tends to kick me off every so often. If you don't mind dealing with that, I don't either. My s/n is Goats Handmaiden (if I'm not on AIM it fowards to my cell, but my cell won't let me reply to them).

[lynxyoukai]

i don't mind dealing with that...i'll try and find you around 2 or 3 ^_^. thanks for the filet...i like steak.

[lynxyoukai]

i hate being confused sometimes... you should say something to your friend...it is better to know than to wonder. if your friends and truely that they won't care. if you don't mind...i'd like you to send me a copy of your story...by email (lynxyoukai@yahoo.com) or whatever...i just like reading and it sounds like an interesting story. if you ever want to talk, i'll listen...nothing wrong with ranting...i do it a lot.

[naede]

i just want to hug you lol your so sweet....i can give you the webpage if you want to read that bad...i dont have much of it on there but i'm writing like 24/7 lol especially since i talk to her everyday its like awesome

click here!

....i'm gonna start an rpg with her soon and will send you what we have promise....*bangs head on desk* I dont get it!!! why do i have these feelings for her now? Now that he has left and gone far away? is it cause she filled the gap? cause she was there to listen? or am i just trying to be different like i always do....but i truely love holding her and having her near....what i'm afraid of most is that if i tell her she will hate me and tell her family and be banished from me....i'm dumb huh? -.- guess everyone has to have something wrong in their life...

[lynxyoukai]

thanks. of course i want to read it...i will once i get the chance. ^_^. that would be really cool. maybe you have the feelings now because she is there for you...i mean why else would you want to be with someone. you want someone you can hold, who's there for you when you need them...i doubt she would cut you away from her life...i think she sounds like a really good friend...i get what you're saying though...i can't tell anyone i know...just people i've met online. i know them but i've never really met any of them, you know?

[anduril_phoenix]

I don't see the pic on your userinfo. It's showing up as a red x.

[randomposting]

*hugs*

[lynxyoukai]

*hugs back* thanks

[randomposting]

Of course.

[lynxyoukai]

^_^

[lynxyoukai]

it's okay you replied after the fact...i'm not feeling so bad now but i am still feeling pretty shitty...about this stuff and more now. yeah, everyone has their own personal demons. i just stress a lot and am very depressed most of the time. i just wish i could know...you know what i mean? i do love tora and men but i also love women...no one in particular...i just feel i could be with either. she has always supported me and the rest of my family...through the good times and the bad times...i just hate to fail her in even the smallest way. i think she will accept the fact, maybe not support it, but she will accept it and accept me. i just want to be who she wants me to. i just really want to be a father...i don't really know why. sometimes i think it is a bad idea for me to follow that path but i want it so badly. you know? it isn't that i'm gay that makes me worry about my abilities as a parent...it is my dark and brooding views on the world. i just don't want to bring someone up thinking like i do. i mean i want them to know the

[lynxyoukai]

the hard way can be...well, hard sometimes. yeah, i'm 18. i hope my emotions to calm down. with my perspective, i wonder if i will make my kids feel the same way. i mean, i want my kids to understand that the world isn't all beautiful but i don't want them to be like me....to hate everything. i just don't want them to be lonely and cold, like i am. i want them to be happy. i think biology has a lot of an affect on who we are too. i don't want to be preachy but i think i am kinda like that naturally...i tend to be strong in my beliefs and can be argumentative. i just really hate to fail her. in any way...but you are right, she would want me to be true to myself. i kind of am though...i mean i like men but i like women too...i am just kind of confused...