cloudless skies
What giving up gives you
and where giving up takes you...
Maybe you blew it, maybe you reflect on past actions and wince with remorse. If so, this dream called "The Room" is dedicated to you....
In a place between wakefulness and dreams I found myself in a room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near to the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "girls I have liked" I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.
And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory could not match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began to randomly open files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "friends" was next to one marked "friends I have betrayed".
The titles ranged from mundane to outright weird. "Books I have read" "lies I have told" "comfort I have given" "jokes I have laughed at". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "things I've yelled at my brother" others I couldn't laugh at: "things that I have done in anger" "things that I have muttered under my breath at my parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than hoped.
I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had time in my twenty years to write each one of these thousands, possibly millions of cards?!? But each one confirmed this truth. Each one was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked "songs I have listened to", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed so tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file! I shut it, shamed, not so much at the quality of the music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked "lustful thoughts", I felt a chill run down my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test the size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think such a moment had been recorded.
Suddenly, I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: "NO ONE must ever see these cards! NO ONE must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size doesn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card! I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly hopeless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sign. And then, I saw it. The title bore, "people I have shared the gospel with". The handle was brighter than the ones around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box, no more than 3 inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.
But then as I pushed away tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here! Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched hopelessly as He began to open files and read the cards. I couldn't bear watching His response. And in moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read EVERY ONE?!? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "NO!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "NO, NO" as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards! But, there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written in His blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished". I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
~ Joshua Harris taken from I Kissed Dating Goodbye
I feel this dream was more than just a simple dream, I believe it was a divine revelation. I believe we all have these rooms in heaven filled with our sinful files. It's a reminder that we do things... some good... some bad. We should repent and ask Jesus to forgive us for those "bad" things. That's what Jesus came and died for. All of those cards that recognize all the sin that we have committed and are shamefully signed with our signatures, could be replaced with Jesus' name, never to be looked upon again. *knock* *knock* *knock* Do you hear that knocking? That's God knocking on your door. The door of your very own file room. Are you going to answer it? God doesn't force Himself upon you. It's our choice to let Him in or turn Him away. We need to examine ourselves. Am I positive that I don't need Jesus? Am I sure that I don't want to invite Him in?
Revelation 3: 19 - 21
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne."
If you hear Jesus knocking please answer it, because what you may think doesn't exist, does! He loves you very much. He waits day and night for you. He is looking down on you right now, waiting for you to say, "Jesus, I want You to use me... I want You to be the most important thing in my life... I want You to make things beautiful in my eyes... I want to be able to see the beauty where there wasn't any before. I want You to hold my hand and tell me where to go so I can truly love myself... understand why I'm here... know I'm not here by chance. There's something You want me to do and I want to know what it is. I want to walk in the light and be the light to others. Forgive me for thinking You weren't there, that You didn't care. Take me and use me... let me feel the love You have for me... and let me know the plan You have for me...."
John 3: 16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
There is so much meaning within that verse. It's showing that God loved the world (and still loves the world) that He would send down His Son, Jesus, to die for all of us. When He was on that cross He knew your name, where you would be sitting right now, and if you believed in and loved Him or not. He took everything you have ever done and ever will do at Calvary that day. It's really a beautiful thing, because rarely would a man die for another man. But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us. The infinite love of God... what could be more beautiful, more comforting than that?
My favorite Bible verse:
Romans 8: 37 - 39
"But despite all this, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us enough to die for us.
For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels won't, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God's love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow. Or where we are - high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean - nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us."
John 15:18 - 26
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. He who hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them, what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'
When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me."
*yawns* Imna go to bed nows. *waves*
rAi
and where giving up takes you...
Maybe you blew it, maybe you reflect on past actions and wince with remorse. If so, this dream called "The Room" is dedicated to you....
In a place between wakefulness and dreams I found myself in a room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near to the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "girls I have liked" I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.
And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory could not match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began to randomly open files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "friends" was next to one marked "friends I have betrayed".
The titles ranged from mundane to outright weird. "Books I have read" "lies I have told" "comfort I have given" "jokes I have laughed at". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "things I've yelled at my brother" others I couldn't laugh at: "things that I have done in anger" "things that I have muttered under my breath at my parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than hoped.
I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had time in my twenty years to write each one of these thousands, possibly millions of cards?!? But each one confirmed this truth. Each one was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked "songs I have listened to", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed so tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file! I shut it, shamed, not so much at the quality of the music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked "lustful thoughts", I felt a chill run down my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test the size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think such a moment had been recorded.
Suddenly, I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: "NO ONE must ever see these cards! NO ONE must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size doesn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card! I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly hopeless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sign. And then, I saw it. The title bore, "people I have shared the gospel with". The handle was brighter than the ones around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box, no more than 3 inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.
But then as I pushed away tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here! Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched hopelessly as He began to open files and read the cards. I couldn't bear watching His response. And in moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read EVERY ONE?!? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "NO!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "NO, NO" as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards! But, there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written in His blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished". I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
~ Joshua Harris taken from I Kissed Dating Goodbye
I feel this dream was more than just a simple dream, I believe it was a divine revelation. I believe we all have these rooms in heaven filled with our sinful files. It's a reminder that we do things... some good... some bad. We should repent and ask Jesus to forgive us for those "bad" things. That's what Jesus came and died for. All of those cards that recognize all the sin that we have committed and are shamefully signed with our signatures, could be replaced with Jesus' name, never to be looked upon again. *knock* *knock* *knock* Do you hear that knocking? That's God knocking on your door. The door of your very own file room. Are you going to answer it? God doesn't force Himself upon you. It's our choice to let Him in or turn Him away. We need to examine ourselves. Am I positive that I don't need Jesus? Am I sure that I don't want to invite Him in?
Revelation 3: 19 - 21
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne."
If you hear Jesus knocking please answer it, because what you may think doesn't exist, does! He loves you very much. He waits day and night for you. He is looking down on you right now, waiting for you to say, "Jesus, I want You to use me... I want You to be the most important thing in my life... I want You to make things beautiful in my eyes... I want to be able to see the beauty where there wasn't any before. I want You to hold my hand and tell me where to go so I can truly love myself... understand why I'm here... know I'm not here by chance. There's something You want me to do and I want to know what it is. I want to walk in the light and be the light to others. Forgive me for thinking You weren't there, that You didn't care. Take me and use me... let me feel the love You have for me... and let me know the plan You have for me...."
John 3: 16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
There is so much meaning within that verse. It's showing that God loved the world (and still loves the world) that He would send down His Son, Jesus, to die for all of us. When He was on that cross He knew your name, where you would be sitting right now, and if you believed in and loved Him or not. He took everything you have ever done and ever will do at Calvary that day. It's really a beautiful thing, because rarely would a man die for another man. But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us. The infinite love of God... what could be more beautiful, more comforting than that?
My favorite Bible verse:
Romans 8: 37 - 39
"But despite all this, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us enough to die for us.
For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels won't, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God's love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow. Or where we are - high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean - nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us."
John 15:18 - 26
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. He who hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them, what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'
When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me."
*yawns* Imna go to bed nows. *waves*
rAi