(Untitled)

[lysistratah]

I spent lunch having my ass chewed out for two years of poor decisions. She's entirely correct, but if I had to do it all over again, I still don't think I'd make choices that she'd be happy with. On the bright side, someone cares enough to give me a good chewing out. That doesn't suck

Comments

[tarchannon]

Look, entering in a relationship having already discussed and agreed upon the children issue was the right thing to do. Changing your mind about something so fundamental to a relationship is a deal-breaker in anyone's book - professional or otherwise. Don't beat yourself up for it - it's his problem, not yours. And while it's OK that he changed his mind, it's pretty crappy that he waited until the fourth quarter to let you know. Either he was lying earlier, or he... was lying earlier. I'd guess very few guys change their minds from pro to con on this topic (though con to pro is fairly common). If you capitulate to his POV, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. Find a new guy - that wants kids. You seem to be a great gal, and should have no trouble.

[lysistratah]

Thanks.

I'm not beating myself up. But I am letting a good friend beat me up a little bit because it makes her feel MUCH better and we'll get along fine once she's vented her spleen.

I'm trying to keep things as civil as possible among our mutual friends. Thus no bitching at them or whittling the ex down as a bad man. He's promised to do the same. Thus I'm annoyed at a mutual friend deciding he'll do the badmouthing for my ex.

Thus I bitch on LJ, where no one else knows him. :)

I really look forward to trading these sad sack divorce posts for amusing date-of-the-week ones. I'm actually looking forward to trying out things like Seven Minute Dating and some of the silly things that weren't around the last time I was single. I don't expect to meet anyone through personals services, but I think it's a great way to get in the right mindset to meet someone.

[sharkcowsheep]

You are going to be a seven-minute-date MONSTER when you get to that point. There's going to be none left for anybody else.

[lysistratah]

Heh.

Part of me has an urge to try every wacky dating service I can just for the anecdotes. Back in the 90's, I had several of my personal ads purchased, at which point I apparently lost all rights to use them. Turns out the service owend all rights to whatever you wrote. I've seen them in a best-of book.

[littledrow]

For the record, I spoke with someone who used to work for divorce lawyers for many years, filed many a proceeding, etc. "Abandonment" does not include moving out of state to get a good job. "Abandonment" is dropping off the face of the planet and being unable to be found for a year or more.

[lysistratah]

Today, I also learned that legally, he can't actually throw me out. He can make me so uncomfortable I don't want to stay, but until we sign the actual divorce decree, this is my legal residence. If he tells me to get the hell out, I can call the cops.

Mind you, if it comes to that (and I don't think it will) I'd be crashing on couches anyway. No one needs to live with that kind of bullshit.

[hit_people_guy]

To hell with 'em!

[lysistratah]

I wish I could go there, but I spent years building a thriving community here. I care what happens to it. If the ex and I can be civilized, I don't want someone who isn't even involved trying to muck things up out of a misguided sense of loyalty.

[richardjgrayson]

Are you thinking of staying in the same general area for work, or is moving on the agenda if the opportunity presents itself?

[lysistratah]

I know I don't want to stay here indefinitely.

For the short term, I'm trying to find a job here in town while I get back on my feet. It'll be good to have emotional support from my friends. If I can't find anything here by January, I'll widen my search.

If I do find something here, I'd like to move elsewhere in a year or so. I'm torn between large, expensive cities with plenty of opportunity and a high cost of living versus mid-sized cities like St. Louis or Dallas within a 6 hour drive of my hometown. Low cost of living and I'd be able to drive home and see my family frequently.

[candidgamera]

So the fabulous Lys is soon to be on the market, huh?

:D

[lysistratah]

Be afraid, bachelors. :)

[candidgamera]

Your dirty, dirty mind will serve you well in your search.

[lysistratah]

Moi?

I AM AN INNOCENT SNOWFLAKE!