New Moon in Fifteen Minutes

[cleolinda]

Yeah. I spent a week in a phlegm-laden coma. It took me about a week longer to write this than I expected. Background/catch-up links:

Twilight
Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
Made of Fail podcast that I was on: Twilight movie discussion episode
Original commentary on Twilight (book)

New Moon
Discussion of New Moon (movie) and fan behavior at an

Comments

[dramedy]

HEE! I love it! :D :D :D :D :D I may go see it tomorrow, lol, because it sounds brilliantly awful.

[cleolinda]

I would highly recommend that people actually see the movie at some point (in no small part because "Now I don't have to see the movie!" doesn't really thrill studio types), if only to see how much of this I totally, totally did not make up. Like, seriously, none of it.

[blpurdom]

I noticed that you used "I am not making this up" (which I associate with Dave Barry) once and I'm surprised you didn't use it more often. It really bears repeating because some most of this is frankly unbelievably.

Oh, and "Dakota Fanningpire" having to be listened to because she's the most famous person in the movie? I sporfled. :D

[cleolinda]

See, this is why I post so many pictures with the Twilight 15Ms: No, Really, I Am Not Making It Up, now in handy image format!

[notorious_oit]

OMG. People PAID to see that? Thank $deity for M15M, it's prevented me from wasting my money on sucky movies, and also made me feel a LOT better about having seen other crap movies (I'm looking at YOU, "Troy in 15 Minutes").

[celticwitch99]

Hm. I know a 40+ yr old woman who has been to see it 6 (yes, I said 6) times. I, uh...well, once was enough for me.

I will say here, however, that I thought it was a great improvement over "Twilight".

[hermionegsnape]

agreed!

[wowalready]

YES. THIS. My absolute favorite part! I wish Rob could read this.

[hakojo]

I went to see this yesterday with my mom, and I totally laughed my ass off at the Virgin Airlines thing XD

She elbowed me for sniggering madly at Edward not wanting Bella to come, though.

[mayatawi]

YES THAT. Also the way Sam's been... looking at Jacob. Like he... wants him for something. :D

[swsa]

And also...he's forbidden to tell Bella why he has to spend all of his time IN THE WOODS with four other frequently naked men.

[_wolfling_]

I lost my shit at that line, and I was the ONLY ONE IN THE THEATER to do so.

[flamingtoilet]

You're a stronger person than I am, Cleo. I had to quit after Bella went for her swim. I had, like, negative willpower points.

[cleolinda]

What? You missed the awesome hilarious parts! See, it's like three different movies, almost, and the "third" one is the entertaining one.

[flamingtoilet]

Maybe if I start there I won't feel like I'm sitting there for 5 months. *sigh*

[cleolinda]

And of course you mean that you will pay to see it and simply walk in for the last half hour. I am absolutely sure that this is what you mean. PIRACY IS BAD, KIDS.