Notices Ahead.
NOTE:
Before reading any further. This post will likely piss quite a few people off, so take heed.
You have been fucking warned.
Note, these are in no order.
KT - you have been one of my best friends for longer than I wish to admit now ;) (no, seriously, it's been a great 9 years, as far as friendships go). We've been through some deep shit, drifted apart physically, but still always had somethign to say when we saw each other again. You are my little sister, your parents were my parents, and I'll always love you for who you are, not who I want you to be. Plus, I kinda like who you are, any way. ;)
Nic - though not so much 'friend' as acquaintance, you're still on here. I'll always remember you as hating me ;) I respect your fluid independence and the way you go after what you want. I respect your restraint when warranted, and love your sense of humour. And style.
Absinthe - man, there's been some rough shit here and there. But you are one of the only people I'd want beside me in a fight, a true fight. You are that tough woman everyone sees and is afraid of, the one most women secretly want to be. You are doggmattic and wonderful, and though you live too goddamn far away now, I still love you dearly. I know some of my recent choices have likely pissed you off or confused you, but I had, and still have, my reasons. I would like to sit down with you one day and explain them to you, if you'll let me - face to face.
Kat - it's been too long. I respect you for sticking with your decisions, even when you knew people would razz you for them. I don't believe what you do, and never shall, yet you do not force it upon me. I thank you for that, truly.
Orchid - dammit, come visit. :)
childe_of_fate - I have never met you. The likelihood of meeting is slim. But I read your entries, and I marvel at the strength you have inside you. You are a true woman, from what I can read into what you say, and I, for one, and proud of who you are. No man should change a woman unless the woman wishes to be changed. I love your strength, and your large heart. {{hugs}}
Choo-Choo Billy - I know shit's been tough for you lately. But you're a fighter; don't forget that, ever.
Jerm - man I miss you sometimes. You may come off as a stupid redneck, but I know better. I love your laugh, your easy-going ways, and the way you stick up for what you believe in, and aren't afraid to fight for that, or what you want.
Amber - wow, our meeting was tense. I'm very pleased, to this day, to find out how wrong an impression I was given of you at first. You are a wonderful woman with wonderful talents. You are beautiful in an unnatural way that I can only describe and spritely. Inside, and out.
D - again, a beautiful woman who has gone through a lot of shit. I don't pretend to know what has been going on, but I do know there is sadness and strength behind that veneer most people seem to see.
Chrisboii - to the only gay boi I would be a fag hag for now. {{hugs}} you're pretty damn awesome, and I'm glad we were able to meet you. You and Evol are the pinnacles of style and grace, and androgynous beauty.
Cyn - you are truly a great friend, and one of the best I have. Every close friend I have ever had, save few few, has fucked me over in some large way. I don't think you ever will. Size is not everything; but your heart.. you are beautiful, Cyn. You are one of the most beautiful PEOPLE I have ever met, and it hurts me when you're down, it really does. My wishes for you - a man who loves you so deeply it makes his knees weak at the mere thought of your name; makes them buckles at the sound of your voice. A man you love as much as he loves you. The happiness that I know damn well you deserve, and a closet full of shoes. :)
Tiff - this has been one of the shortest relationships on here. But also a great one. I remember sitting on the porch with you several times, talking over many things. I will always remember the night in Steven's basement, wanting to kill your stepfather. I will always remember your sweet smile and frank, forthright attitude and ways. You are a rare jewel in a crown of fool's gold.
Mang - forever my lil bror. I'm proud of how you took the reigns on your life and finally started dragging those wild horses the direction YOU wanted them to go. Be who you are, and be happy with you. And I'm glad you're finally starting to get there.
Jesse - for all I am a bitch... {{sighs}} the past two years have done a number on me I do not even wish to think on, but I must. There are many things many people didn't tell me, that had they been true friends, they would have. I don't think you are one of these. I DO care about you, but one can only care as much as the other will let them, do you see? I see bad things in your futurel things you and I spoke on over a year ago - things you admitted to yourself. I don't want to see you fall, though if you do, I will do my damndest to help you stand again. But no man on this earth is worth killing yourself over, no man on this earth is worth killing yourself in ANY WAY. No man on this earth is worth being beaten down - be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or any other way - I would know. Open your pretty eyes, Jesse, and see the reality in front of you. Not just for a little while. That mushroom field will always be there when you need some alone time; but live with us for a while - be completely in reality and out of the dream world you let yourself fall into. Don't be so oblivious, please. Yes, I am begging you. I am begging you to open those eyes, look, and see. Only you can do this.
Bill - I've known you roughly 4 years now. In the four years I've known you, there has been very little good I can remember; and I'll tell you WHY I cannot remember it. You have cycles, Bill. You have cycles of being the nicest man on earth who would do anything for the friends who have done for you, then you turn into that wants-paybacks asshole again, and just ruin the good shit. What the fuck do I owe you? I loaned you money for a house, which you let your mom pay partially back. You helped us move and fucked up our bed. But I still thank you for the help moving. I realize you and Evol have had some battle raging for years, but let me get one thing perfectly fucking straight with you right now - I am not a part of that fucking battle. But if you start one with me, which you have several times, I will carry it on. I have not, thus far, because I figured you were tossing shit on me because of whatever it is you have against Evol. Now, you can say again and again you don't, but your actions speak volumes differently.
Now let me get something else clear with you - I do not trust you for shit, and you have admitted I have good reason for that. I don't trust you with money, with women (including Jesse), I don't trust you to hold a job (though that has been changing the past year, slowly), I don't trust what you say. You have lied to me several times. Hell, you've lied ABOUT me several times. And you knew what was going on last summer, claimed ot be my friend and care, and never said a fucking word. Not a thing. Until afterwards, then you admited to knowing. What kind of fucking friend is that? But I'm sure this will just be taken as some unwarranted attack on you. It is not, I assure you. I am simply tired of the cummingite bullshit, of which you, too often but not always, perpetuate. You've got a good man hiding in there somewhere. For fuck's sake let him reign free! He's a good goddamn man! You just won't let him be. You don't have to pretend for people, you shoudl know that by now. Just be you, be that you everyone sees and hopes will stay, but you always drag back in and let the asshole show-off out.
Andrew - Man, I'm still so happy for you and your lovely wife. We Aries have to stick together somehow ;)
Traxin - sometimes I think you and I have too much in common. Way too much. But I know you're a good man, and one hell of a smart one. But you think too much, like I do. Gotta stop on some of those things, man, before we kill ourselves ;)
Diabolic - one fucked up man, you are. But one I am grateful to have met. You helped me more last summer than I can say, and I still am very sorry for putting so much off on you, as it were.
fuck, I know I left off some people, but I gotta stop now. I'm fucking tired to the bones, and my heart seriously aches.
Too much shit, but that's slowly being taken care of.
So I leave you with the following.
Sick to death of lying faces
Everyday, the same disgraces
Lying through the dawn's pre-light
Fucking truth into the night
Stating one when it is the other
Lie to those you did call brother
Twist the words unto your own;
Disgraced, fallen, depraved, disowned
Try to bring down another soul
To make yourself feel powerful, in your life's hole
I am not your toy, not your doll
Not the cunt you thought you knew at all
Not the whimpering pretty Jezebel;
Not the tortured silent Anabel -
Not the distraught screaming teen;
Not the rebellious haughty queen -
I'm not the hurting fresh young maid;
Not the passions flower; flushed from being laid -
Not the naive gullible fool that you think;
I am them all; driven to the brink -
Madness surrounding, howls fill my throat
Screams of surety; blood fills the cote -
The squeals of the innocent, music to me
But innocence doesn't exist; more lies, you see -
I hope you can realize what your lies have imparted
To see for yourself what their harshness departed -
The trust that you said you gave to me freely;
A lie unto itself, something else you are stealing.
A fresh young waif from the streets I am not;
Nor a crushed used toy that you have forgot.
Careful what you ask for; the truth you will not get.
Instead you get the horns; the inner sultry bitch.
The difference between....
A friend will not lie to you, even if that means an admission of some truth may end the friendship.
A best friend will is the same as above, and will also console you when someone else DOES lie to you.
A friend will not betray you.
A best friend will want to kick the shit out of someone who does.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A TRUE friend is someone who will neither lie nor betray you; even if that means through the admission of truth, your friendship ends.
a TRUE friend will not go behind your back to find out information about you, instead of just asking you themselves.
A TRUE friend will respect your decisions, not constantly question you.
A TRUE friend will believe in you; not tell you your dreams are stupid and you'll never make it.
A TRUE friend will not go behind your back and sabotage your business nor other friendships you have with other people; even if they don't like the other people.
A TRUE friend does not try to destroy your relationship with someone else.
A TRUE friend will do everything they can to lift you up when you have fallen; to help you when you are in need expecting nothing in return; to make you laugh when you are down. (IE - you spend money on the person without them asking you to do so; then come back bitching about how much you've spent on them later. That's not a TRUE friend.)
A TRUE friend will ask for help when they need it; if you are a TRUE friend also, you will give it; without expecting anything in return.
A TRUE friend will let you cry on their shoulder about anything; even if that means you're breaking THEIR heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone with HONOUR will stand up for what they believe is right - even when they know they will be hurt for it.
Someone with HONOUR will defend those being hurt - even if they do not like the person, even if that means they will be hurt.
Someone with HONOUR will not lie, even if in telling the truth they are hurt.
Someone with HONOUR will take a beating without complaint for something they believe in.
Someone with HONOUR will stand by the person(s) they love, no matter the cost.
Someone with HONOUR will never betray someone they love.
Someone with HONOUR will not walk away from someone they love just because they don't want to fight for what they want.
Before reading any further. This post will likely piss quite a few people off, so take heed.
You have been fucking warned.
Note, these are in no order.
KT - you have been one of my best friends for longer than I wish to admit now ;) (no, seriously, it's been a great 9 years, as far as friendships go). We've been through some deep shit, drifted apart physically, but still always had somethign to say when we saw each other again. You are my little sister, your parents were my parents, and I'll always love you for who you are, not who I want you to be. Plus, I kinda like who you are, any way. ;)
Nic - though not so much 'friend' as acquaintance, you're still on here. I'll always remember you as hating me ;) I respect your fluid independence and the way you go after what you want. I respect your restraint when warranted, and love your sense of humour. And style.
Absinthe - man, there's been some rough shit here and there. But you are one of the only people I'd want beside me in a fight, a true fight. You are that tough woman everyone sees and is afraid of, the one most women secretly want to be. You are doggmattic and wonderful, and though you live too goddamn far away now, I still love you dearly. I know some of my recent choices have likely pissed you off or confused you, but I had, and still have, my reasons. I would like to sit down with you one day and explain them to you, if you'll let me - face to face.
Kat - it's been too long. I respect you for sticking with your decisions, even when you knew people would razz you for them. I don't believe what you do, and never shall, yet you do not force it upon me. I thank you for that, truly.
Orchid - dammit, come visit. :)
childe_of_fate - I have never met you. The likelihood of meeting is slim. But I read your entries, and I marvel at the strength you have inside you. You are a true woman, from what I can read into what you say, and I, for one, and proud of who you are. No man should change a woman unless the woman wishes to be changed. I love your strength, and your large heart. {{hugs}}
Choo-Choo Billy - I know shit's been tough for you lately. But you're a fighter; don't forget that, ever.
Jerm - man I miss you sometimes. You may come off as a stupid redneck, but I know better. I love your laugh, your easy-going ways, and the way you stick up for what you believe in, and aren't afraid to fight for that, or what you want.
Amber - wow, our meeting was tense. I'm very pleased, to this day, to find out how wrong an impression I was given of you at first. You are a wonderful woman with wonderful talents. You are beautiful in an unnatural way that I can only describe and spritely. Inside, and out.
D - again, a beautiful woman who has gone through a lot of shit. I don't pretend to know what has been going on, but I do know there is sadness and strength behind that veneer most people seem to see.
Chrisboii - to the only gay boi I would be a fag hag for now. {{hugs}} you're pretty damn awesome, and I'm glad we were able to meet you. You and Evol are the pinnacles of style and grace, and androgynous beauty.
Cyn - you are truly a great friend, and one of the best I have. Every close friend I have ever had, save few few, has fucked me over in some large way. I don't think you ever will. Size is not everything; but your heart.. you are beautiful, Cyn. You are one of the most beautiful PEOPLE I have ever met, and it hurts me when you're down, it really does. My wishes for you - a man who loves you so deeply it makes his knees weak at the mere thought of your name; makes them buckles at the sound of your voice. A man you love as much as he loves you. The happiness that I know damn well you deserve, and a closet full of shoes. :)
Tiff - this has been one of the shortest relationships on here. But also a great one. I remember sitting on the porch with you several times, talking over many things. I will always remember the night in Steven's basement, wanting to kill your stepfather. I will always remember your sweet smile and frank, forthright attitude and ways. You are a rare jewel in a crown of fool's gold.
Mang - forever my lil bror. I'm proud of how you took the reigns on your life and finally started dragging those wild horses the direction YOU wanted them to go. Be who you are, and be happy with you. And I'm glad you're finally starting to get there.
Jesse - for all I am a bitch... {{sighs}} the past two years have done a number on me I do not even wish to think on, but I must. There are many things many people didn't tell me, that had they been true friends, they would have. I don't think you are one of these. I DO care about you, but one can only care as much as the other will let them, do you see? I see bad things in your futurel things you and I spoke on over a year ago - things you admitted to yourself. I don't want to see you fall, though if you do, I will do my damndest to help you stand again. But no man on this earth is worth killing yourself over, no man on this earth is worth killing yourself in ANY WAY. No man on this earth is worth being beaten down - be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or any other way - I would know. Open your pretty eyes, Jesse, and see the reality in front of you. Not just for a little while. That mushroom field will always be there when you need some alone time; but live with us for a while - be completely in reality and out of the dream world you let yourself fall into. Don't be so oblivious, please. Yes, I am begging you. I am begging you to open those eyes, look, and see. Only you can do this.
Bill - I've known you roughly 4 years now. In the four years I've known you, there has been very little good I can remember; and I'll tell you WHY I cannot remember it. You have cycles, Bill. You have cycles of being the nicest man on earth who would do anything for the friends who have done for you, then you turn into that wants-paybacks asshole again, and just ruin the good shit. What the fuck do I owe you? I loaned you money for a house, which you let your mom pay partially back. You helped us move and fucked up our bed. But I still thank you for the help moving. I realize you and Evol have had some battle raging for years, but let me get one thing perfectly fucking straight with you right now - I am not a part of that fucking battle. But if you start one with me, which you have several times, I will carry it on. I have not, thus far, because I figured you were tossing shit on me because of whatever it is you have against Evol. Now, you can say again and again you don't, but your actions speak volumes differently.
Now let me get something else clear with you - I do not trust you for shit, and you have admitted I have good reason for that. I don't trust you with money, with women (including Jesse), I don't trust you to hold a job (though that has been changing the past year, slowly), I don't trust what you say. You have lied to me several times. Hell, you've lied ABOUT me several times. And you knew what was going on last summer, claimed ot be my friend and care, and never said a fucking word. Not a thing. Until afterwards, then you admited to knowing. What kind of fucking friend is that? But I'm sure this will just be taken as some unwarranted attack on you. It is not, I assure you. I am simply tired of the cummingite bullshit, of which you, too often but not always, perpetuate. You've got a good man hiding in there somewhere. For fuck's sake let him reign free! He's a good goddamn man! You just won't let him be. You don't have to pretend for people, you shoudl know that by now. Just be you, be that you everyone sees and hopes will stay, but you always drag back in and let the asshole show-off out.
Andrew - Man, I'm still so happy for you and your lovely wife. We Aries have to stick together somehow ;)
Traxin - sometimes I think you and I have too much in common. Way too much. But I know you're a good man, and one hell of a smart one. But you think too much, like I do. Gotta stop on some of those things, man, before we kill ourselves ;)
Diabolic - one fucked up man, you are. But one I am grateful to have met. You helped me more last summer than I can say, and I still am very sorry for putting so much off on you, as it were.
fuck, I know I left off some people, but I gotta stop now. I'm fucking tired to the bones, and my heart seriously aches.
Too much shit, but that's slowly being taken care of.
So I leave you with the following.
Sick to death of lying faces
Everyday, the same disgraces
Lying through the dawn's pre-light
Fucking truth into the night
Stating one when it is the other
Lie to those you did call brother
Twist the words unto your own;
Disgraced, fallen, depraved, disowned
Try to bring down another soul
To make yourself feel powerful, in your life's hole
I am not your toy, not your doll
Not the cunt you thought you knew at all
Not the whimpering pretty Jezebel;
Not the tortured silent Anabel -
Not the distraught screaming teen;
Not the rebellious haughty queen -
I'm not the hurting fresh young maid;
Not the passions flower; flushed from being laid -
Not the naive gullible fool that you think;
I am them all; driven to the brink -
Madness surrounding, howls fill my throat
Screams of surety; blood fills the cote -
The squeals of the innocent, music to me
But innocence doesn't exist; more lies, you see -
I hope you can realize what your lies have imparted
To see for yourself what their harshness departed -
The trust that you said you gave to me freely;
A lie unto itself, something else you are stealing.
A fresh young waif from the streets I am not;
Nor a crushed used toy that you have forgot.
Careful what you ask for; the truth you will not get.
Instead you get the horns; the inner sultry bitch.
The difference between....
A friend will not lie to you, even if that means an admission of some truth may end the friendship.
A best friend will is the same as above, and will also console you when someone else DOES lie to you.
A friend will not betray you.
A best friend will want to kick the shit out of someone who does.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A TRUE friend is someone who will neither lie nor betray you; even if that means through the admission of truth, your friendship ends.
a TRUE friend will not go behind your back to find out information about you, instead of just asking you themselves.
A TRUE friend will respect your decisions, not constantly question you.
A TRUE friend will believe in you; not tell you your dreams are stupid and you'll never make it.
A TRUE friend will not go behind your back and sabotage your business nor other friendships you have with other people; even if they don't like the other people.
A TRUE friend does not try to destroy your relationship with someone else.
A TRUE friend will do everything they can to lift you up when you have fallen; to help you when you are in need expecting nothing in return; to make you laugh when you are down. (IE - you spend money on the person without them asking you to do so; then come back bitching about how much you've spent on them later. That's not a TRUE friend.)
A TRUE friend will ask for help when they need it; if you are a TRUE friend also, you will give it; without expecting anything in return.
A TRUE friend will let you cry on their shoulder about anything; even if that means you're breaking THEIR heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone with HONOUR will stand up for what they believe is right - even when they know they will be hurt for it.
Someone with HONOUR will defend those being hurt - even if they do not like the person, even if that means they will be hurt.
Someone with HONOUR will not lie, even if in telling the truth they are hurt.
Someone with HONOUR will take a beating without complaint for something they believe in.
Someone with HONOUR will stand by the person(s) they love, no matter the cost.
Someone with HONOUR will never betray someone they love.
Someone with HONOUR will not walk away from someone they love just because they don't want to fight for what they want.