My 25 favorite tv characters

Sep 30, 2006 15:36

Joss Whedon did it. James Gunn did it. Then, damn it, I can do it, too.


MY 25 FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS

The apparent rules are not to include cartoons (no problem, stopped watching those in primary school), mini-series (no problem, only watched 2 in my whole life), reality shows (no problem, don't watch them at all) and people who aren't regulars (well, that might be a problem, because, really, are you a regular, Richardson? you had, like, ten minutes of screentime total in the whole three seasons - oh, screw it).

My personal inclusion here is the rule no 5, saying that only the shows of which I watched all the epis-- that is, more than 90% of all episodes are fair game. After all, I have no idea what the characters where doing through all that time I wasn't watching. I mean, Brian Kinney could have been making cookies for a bake sale to raise money for poor orphans or pouring his heart out in the local support group for misunderstood gay men. Yes, I know he probably didn't, but that's not the point. Sorry, no deal, Gale Harold.

So, doors are closed for 'Sex in the City', 'Friends', 'ER', 'That 70's Show', 'Highlander' (no, Methos, really, no), 'Dawson's Creek' (*snort*, as if), 'That '70s Show', 'Roswell', 'The X-Files', 'Buffy', 'Angel', 'Northern Exposure', 'Just Shoot Me' and, well, my mind is blank but I'm pretty sure there are others, too, that I made at least a passing acquaintance with.

Here goes, then:

1. Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) 'Deadwood' - as if I would dare to put anyone else there - Al might have mellowed throughout the last two seasons, but he's still ready to go stabby if only the situation calls for it. My admiration for the man knows no limits, he masterminds his way though a sea of stupidity all around him, he throws ranty monologues at dried heads of fallen Indian chiefs (albeit in such flowery a fashion sometimes that, were it not for the pause button, I would have no idea what he rants about), he grapples for control in viciously nuanced powerplays against any forces that step on his turf and, at the same time, he actually knows what self-preservation means. Oh, also he operates from a whorehouse, how awesome is that?
2. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) 'House M.D.' - let's face it, no other lead character on no other tv show gets better lines than him, the Lord of Snark himself. He's brilliant, sarcastically so no less, he is eloquently rude to everyone he crosses his path with, he never lets go, were it for his juvenile obstinacy or the heartfelt conviction that he's always right and he lives in a permanent state of joyful anarchy. Also, he's devilishly handsome in a rugged Hugh Laurie with a cane kind of way. Really, what's not to love?
3. Rodney McKay (David Hewlett) 'Stargate Atlantis' - a rude, arrogant jerk of a genius scientist with a personality and social skills of a willful bulldozer and a badly covered mushy center. He saves the galaxy on a weekly basis (unless he blows it up), fears death by lemons and sun rays, steals credit, has a never-sagging enthusiasm for all things science and is not only a dork but, quite likely, the Dork, in an impossibly adorable manner at that. He's also practically the sole reason why I still watch freaking SGA - that's big, people. And I kinda sorta maybe think David Hewlett is hot. It's, uhm, hard to explain.
4. Richardson (Ralph Richeson) 'Deadwood - I'd argue that, since he appears in practically all 'Deadwood' episodes (though, mostly for about ten seconds) he IS a regular, so he counts. He's the dumbest from all the assorted chaps and gals here (and see the the numbers 6-8 below) and definitely the ugliest, he mumbles a lot in some bastard version of English, has trouble understanding anything other than monosyllabic instructions, prays devotedly to an unspecified pagan god and, most probably, never bathes. And he's, despite all odds, totally adorable. Actually I felt very much tempted to put him on the top of the list, that's how much I love him. Having said that, oh, dear Lord, did I really just put Richardson ahead of Jensen Ackles?
5. Dean Winchester (Jensen Ackles) 'Supernatural' - it's Jensen Ackles playing a leather-wearing, joke-cracking, slightly lecherous con man/demon hunter - really, I could just leave it at that. I won't, though. Dean Winchester is also a freakishly committed wannabe soldier in the great battle against evil, posesses a true sense of adventure, has unwavering loyalty towards his family of the like you only see in great historical epics, comes from two dozens years of truly fucked-up backstory, harbors an inner dork of surprising proportions, and is, well, altogether a lot deeper than the first look might indicate. And, seriously, smoking hot.
6. Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin) 'Firefly' - the sexiest dumb mercenary thug to ever appear on the small screen, with a refreshingly materialistic outlook, admirable resistance to morph into a noble hero and a very intense relationship with his rifle. Love.
7. Dick Casablancas (Ryan Hansen) 'Veronica Mars' - he's a git, he's a moron, he's a sleaze. All true. He's also, hands down, my absolute favorite VM character, grievously underrated and with regrettably little screentime (shut up, he's in the opening credits - of course he's a regular). He can genuinely make me giggle - no small feat, that.
8. Sean Garrity (Steven Pasquale) 'Rescue Me' - seems I hit the streak of the real geniuses here. Sean stands out however by, for a change, being a genuinely sweet guy. An idiot, true, but sweet. With every other character on the show being a total dickhead, Sean has the chops (or just doesn't have the brains, though that theory doesn't really hold water with Mike the Moronic Jerk working against it) to be a decent human being. An idiot, yes, but decent. And he manages to crack me up every single week.
9. Hoban 'Wash' Washburne (Alan Tudyk) 'Firefly' - oh, the lovable imp, with a very finely tuned touch for irony and the lines that routinely beat other 'Firefly' people's lines to the ground. And, come on, he scored Gina Torres the Amazon Woman - the man deserves some respect.
10. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) 'Grey's Anatomy' - and here we have the highest ranking female at last. A woman with an admirable dedication to her job of cutting people open with sharp objects, with a remarkable sense of pragmatism, complete inability to understand why people are such a bunch of sentimental cretins (I wonder myself) and the tendency to blurt things out in rude honesty that just kill me dead. A sheer delight, this one.
11. Doug Wilson (Kevin Nealon) 'Weeds' - yeah, so I might be more fond of amusing tv idiots than is actually good for me. I know that. Councilman (well, not anymore, as of this week, but let's not get hung up on details) Doug Wilson is a moron but he can be crafty for a man who practically lives on weed. And his complete disregard for all things not about him gets me every time.
12. The Al Swearengen Henchman Unit: Silas Adams (Titus Welliver), Johnny Burns (Sean Bridges) and Dan Dorrity (W. Earl Brown) 'Deadwood' - ok, so here's me cheating, but, really, while these guys can technically be taken separately, too, there's a completely new shine on them when they are considered as a trio. Adams is the pretty one, Johnny is the sweet one, Dan is, hmm, the big one? Whether they are gunning up against Al's enemies, carting around dead bodies, trying to figure out what Al's new masterplan is about (wouldn't we all want to know?) or just standing around the bar and waiting for Al's orders while also attempting a nonchalant yet menacing look (which Adams does real classy, Dan was born with and Johnny can't do at all), I love them to pieces.
13. Andrew Botwin (Justin Kirk) 'Weeds' - a sleazy slacker/loser brother-in-law, isn't that one of the ultimate cliches? But, boy, how he flies it. Phew. And to say that I don't find Justin Kirk attractive would be a horrid lie.
14. Alex Karev (Justin Chambers) 'Grey's Anatomy' - yet another specimen in my extensive collection of tv assholes. He's exactly the kind of guy I hate in real life. He's self-centered, conceited and gruff. He tends to be mean, sometimes even with no upside of the witty sarcasm. He runs around spreading venereal diseases and, probably, malicious gossip. I love him madly. And, let's face it, Chambers is the hottest guy in the GA cast.
15. Megan Reeves (Diane Farr) 'Numb3rs' - really, I want to be that woman. She's intelligent, very good at her job, attractive, mildly funny, she can kick serious ass (and she knows krav maga - that's just too cool) and, what's perhaps is the most delightful thing about her, she comes across as a regular person. Also she flirts with Peter MacNicol. The only reason she's not in Christina Yang's place (10) is that 'Grey's Anatomy' gives Yang much more entertaining lines.
16. Robert Chase (Jesse Spencer) 'House M.D.' - oh, the lovely weasel at last. A cowardly sycophant with no backbone to speak of and a very badly defined personality. And he gets practically no interesting lines. There really isn't any logical reason why I adore the rat so much. It can't be just because he's so unbelievably pretty (even in the dreadful clothes he seems to be so fond of) and his accent gives me warm fuzzies. Yet, adoration there is.
17. Titus Pullo (Ray Stevenson) 'Rome' - a simple soldier of simple pleasures and simple beliefs, whose story somehow keeps on getting tangled up in the fate of the Empire. A gentle savage, who frequently, and quite surprisingly, lands in the moral center of the show. And Ray Stevenson is a genuine treasure.
18. Celia Hodes (Elizabeth Perkins) 'Weeds' - a woman who manages to be the most splendid harpy on the show and the most tragic character at the same time. Amazingly, the most normal, too. With the ground constantly shifting under her feet, he does her bitchy best to keep her balance and I feel for her because, by God, she lives in a suburban hell. I'd be bitter, too.
19. Keith Mars (Enrico Calantoni) 'Veronica Mars' - the coolest tv dad of them all. 'Nuff said.
20. Tommy Gavin (Dennis Leary) 'Rescue Me' - actually, I don't even like Tommy Gavin that much. I'm utterly fascinated, though. He's a selfish jerk, a compulsive liar, he doesn't hesitate to manipulate even those closest to him for personal gain and he has done things that go against even my practically atrophied moral sense. Shortly, he's one fucked-up puppy. At the same time he's, amazingly, the person who holds all the shit happening on this show together. Mind boggles. Besides, it has to be given to the man that, while the throne in the kingdom of Snark is already taken, he deserves at least a lordship there.
21. Edie Britt (Nicolette Sheridan) 'Desperate Housewives' - because there's never enough tv bitches, especially as spectacular as her. She's the one that I would describe as Human Barracuda, ready to go ballistic on your ass the very second she senses your fear. And if you really piss you off, she'll torch your house. That lady is made of awesome.
22. George O'Malley (T. R. Knight) 'Grey's Anatomy' - the sweetest guy with a big heart, great enthusiasm and a tendency to panic and start babbling away in that socially retarded way of his. He redefines the word 'adorable'. Instant love for me.
23. Atia of the Julii (Polly Walker) 'Rome' - a sexy society shark with a very intriguing set of morals and practically no established boundaries. Also she throws extremely amusing temper tantrums. Seriously, everyone else on this show should be her slave. I'm pretty sure she agrees with me on that one.
24. Shane Botwin (Alexander Gould) 'Weeds' - probably the only non-adult on television that I actually actively like. Amusingly weird, precocious in a surprisingly not annoying way and incredible cute, the way that only children with too large teeth can be cute. He shoots mountain lions, writes gangsta rap, makes terrorist videos and is, really, a good kid, just with extremely wild imagination. And an admirable skill for deadpan.
25. Spike (James Marsters) 'Buffy'/'Angel' - me cheating again - a shocker. Spike was the character that made me watch not one, but TWO tv shows - he deserves a place here. Spike was that larger than life guy whom I loved with truly frightening intensity, even though he infuriated me with all the bad decisions he kept on making (even the Slayer Skank Obsession didn't break me). This leather-clad punk with bad attitude, a real penchant for sarcasm and a lovely British accent was my first serious tv love affair. Perhaps the most important, too.

Seems that 'Weeds' is in the lead (even though my wild enthusiasm for the show is drooping a bit, largely due to the recent episodes being not really that brilliant) with scoring four entries, though, arguably, 'Deadwood' trumps it with having more characters through my shameless cheating. I'll give the crown to 'Deadwood', because sheer awesomeness of the show earns it all the prizes in the world.

Now, time for the uncomfortable questions. Where the hell is 'Battlestar Galactica'? The greatest tv show on air? The genius SciFi child? Hello? Yeah, that uncomfortable questions.

I love BSG. I truly do. With unbridled passion. The season premiere is a week away and I already have over-excited jingles all over. The thing is that, while I'm madly in love with the show, I can't say I'm that fond of any specific character. They are all wonderfully constructed, beautifully fleshed out and unfailingly interesting. But fondness? No, not really. Thus, the puzzling lack of BSG shout-outs. And it certainly doesn't change the fact that 'Battlestar Galactica' is the currently ruling monarch of all the TV Wonderland (more so than ever with it's only serious challenger 'Deadwood' being conveniently, no pun intended, dead).

'Prison Break' and 'Lost' are not present because the first one puts much more focus on the plot than on the character development and the second managed to make me annoyed with every single character that's on it. It's as simple as that.

.

battlestar galactica, rescue me, angel, numb3rs, supernatural, firefly, prison break, veronica mars, weeds, stargate atlantis, rome, lost, tv shows, desperate housewives, deadwood, buffy the vampire slayer, grey's anatomy

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