(no subject)
why sometimes the need to put so much space between myself and those closest. because knowing that all connections are tentative at best is a caustic truth.
do i want you to love me. no i don't. better you should just stay where you've been. cause i could never replace all those things you have.
so what then? why ask. just shut my fucking mouth and admit i'm too weak to do it. admit that weakness is the only thing keeping me alive. and never mention it again.
thorns on my rose are evident. make red kisses on my skin. make warm puddles of life in the shadows of my arrogance. red ribbons instead of blue ones. who'll know the difference. the prize is still the prize. win it any way i can. or lose. because i'm so damn good at fucking up.
why bother waiting, when they're waiting just the same. I'd be willing to suffer a little grief for at last an end to all this fucking bullshit. but we all know that's a goddamn fairy tale.
all that guilt tends to fade away on nights such as this. clarity is unreal. all that fear seems to melt away when so many breaths chase eachother like they do now. eager and relentless. stupid and ignorant of what they're doing. just words. just rhyme. just fucking pages. happiness like freedom is slowly stripped. one thing at a time. i don't have any more. i give up. it's so much bigger than me. so much fucking bigger than all of us. and no one wants to see it. and neither do i.
so what the hell.
what the hell is the fucking point.