"You were right about me." for un_love_you
Mab hadn’t gone to his funeral. State funerals weren’t for wives or children or those left behind. They were for the people who had never known the person, only the thing they represented. She had no excuse for why she hadn’t visited his grave before. There was no good reason for her to be here now. Except, maybe, that as she watched Bobby avoid dealing with his ex, she realized that she hadn’t dealt with hers.
The tomb was every bit as ostentatious as she expected, as she probably would end up with. He’d have hated it. She wondered how many other people who were still alive knew how he had always preferred simplicity, Spartan beauty. But like the funeral, it wasn’t for him, but the people he had once led. Before it there was a statue that could have been his last form. She could talk to that.
“I’ll always hate you for being right about me. I do need to fight something. To battle with.” She felt ridiculous. “You stole that from me when you let her kill you, you bastard. You were supposed to live forever, just like me. To always be there to rage against. To be there to fix things with eventually. To be there.” Slow breath. “We could have tried again, you know. I could have asked Ti for us. But you let me hate you until I thought I didn’t love you.”
She started pacing in front of the statue. “Even Hank was because of trying to deal with you, you know. How I didn’t see it then I’ll never know. Womanizing sun powered being with no value on life. And he was my rebellion against you, how he chose to have a damaged ugly form when he could have been beautiful, how he loved technology. You had to be beautiful, loathed the new inventions of men. How could you have missed that?
“But you let yourself die. Anyone who knows you knows you were more than a match for your sister. And you had to let the person to kill you be the one person I couldn’t kill to seek my revenge. You bastard. I loved you. Even when I thought I didn’t, and it terrifies me now. Because the man I love now isn’t a rebellion against you or some broken reflection. I love him for him, and I’m finally strong enough to visit your grave and say goodbye. Except, there’s his ex, who he says he doesn’t love. I believe him, mostly. Until I think of you and me sometimes. So you were right, I have to have something to fight. Now it’s my doubts, and they’re a heck of a lot meaner than you ever were.”
Soft sigh. "Which means I need to say goodbye, let you go. Like I finally let our son go. I hope you find a better rest than the one I know is waiting for me. And, I don't hate you anymore. You deserve a quiet rest, Auberon. Find it."
The tomb was every bit as ostentatious as she expected, as she probably would end up with. He’d have hated it. She wondered how many other people who were still alive knew how he had always preferred simplicity, Spartan beauty. But like the funeral, it wasn’t for him, but the people he had once led. Before it there was a statue that could have been his last form. She could talk to that.
“I’ll always hate you for being right about me. I do need to fight something. To battle with.” She felt ridiculous. “You stole that from me when you let her kill you, you bastard. You were supposed to live forever, just like me. To always be there to rage against. To be there to fix things with eventually. To be there.” Slow breath. “We could have tried again, you know. I could have asked Ti for us. But you let me hate you until I thought I didn’t love you.”
She started pacing in front of the statue. “Even Hank was because of trying to deal with you, you know. How I didn’t see it then I’ll never know. Womanizing sun powered being with no value on life. And he was my rebellion against you, how he chose to have a damaged ugly form when he could have been beautiful, how he loved technology. You had to be beautiful, loathed the new inventions of men. How could you have missed that?
“But you let yourself die. Anyone who knows you knows you were more than a match for your sister. And you had to let the person to kill you be the one person I couldn’t kill to seek my revenge. You bastard. I loved you. Even when I thought I didn’t, and it terrifies me now. Because the man I love now isn’t a rebellion against you or some broken reflection. I love him for him, and I’m finally strong enough to visit your grave and say goodbye. Except, there’s his ex, who he says he doesn’t love. I believe him, mostly. Until I think of you and me sometimes. So you were right, I have to have something to fight. Now it’s my doubts, and they’re a heck of a lot meaner than you ever were.”
Soft sigh. "Which means I need to say goodbye, let you go. Like I finally let our son go. I hope you find a better rest than the one I know is waiting for me. And, I don't hate you anymore. You deserve a quiet rest, Auberon. Find it."