A small Boy

Jul 26, 2005 01:57

I was walkin the town ( Read more... )

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onetoomany_ams July 26 2005, 09:26:31 UTC
damn. i love this. could use the tiniest bit of work (i would say on spelling, but i ignored that JUST FOR YOU, out of love?). the meter (i think that's what it is. whatever makes the beat of the syllables flow together) is a little off on the first and third verse. i'm not sure exactly how to put it, cause i'm extremely tired right now, but something doesn't seem exactly right about the beat. but this is a very well-written poem. i'm glad to actually see something you've written lately. i'ma go draw you something now, cause i love you. or maybe just because i'm bored. but i do love you as well. so nyeh.

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macabreclouds July 26 2005, 14:18:04 UTC
yup

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