Inside the Liberal war room
I found the following little story in the comments section of a Daily Gleaner article online. It was written by one of many "anonymous readers."
"The Bunker Part 1"
Premier S, his trusty cabinet and M.L.A.’s are gathered in the government bunker buried 300 hundred meters beneath the Legislature.
"Well people, I believe I made myself clear to the population when I spoke yesterday," said the Premier. A loud chorus of hear, hear, accompanied by fists banging on desk tops, respond to the premier’s statement. "Yes sir, I sure told those kid hating protesters."
A door opens to the inner sanctum, and a clearly distraught administrative assistant tries to get the premier’s attention. "Sir, sir; we have a problem," blurts the A.A.
"What problem?"
It’s those EFI terrorists. They’re massing in front of the legislature.
“Darn it. I can’t stomach those emotionally clouded complainers. Tell security to turn on the flashing sign.”
"Which flashing sign?"
"The one which reads, ‘Don’t argue with us. We know everything.’ That’ll make them go away."
Moments later the A.A. returns, "Sir it didn’t work. They’re judgement is clearly too clouded."
The premier turns to his assembled but now somewhat concerned legislators, "Don’t worry folks. I’ll send minister K. He’s a smooth talker who’ll surely dispel the ridiculous concerns of this misguided group."
n the meantime the premier begins to lecture his assembled flock. He picks up a book by J. Goebbels. "Colleagues he said, I have learned much from this book. You know, if you’re going to tell a lie, tell a big one! Support it with fallacy and divide your population. And of course find a scapegoat. Ha, ha. Turn on the closed circuit TV. Let’s see how minister K is doing."
The screen comes to life. The assembled gather around it. To their dismay, minister K’s magic isn’t working, and he is seen beating a hasty retreat to the bunker.
Moments later a visibly shaken K enters the inner sanctum.
Trying to contain his emotions he blurts, "They made fun of me. They called me pudgy, and other awful names."
"Here have a Twinkie,"offers the P.
"Yum. Thank-you. They always make me feel better. And, this is a good time to tell you about my newest plan. I have decided to convert those empty mills in Dalhousie and Miramichi into Twinkie Factories. Yes dear colleagues and honourable premier S, we’ll be self sufficient in Twinkies."
The door swings open. "Sir, we have reports of more Liberal defections. And more worrisome apparently there’s a lone rider making his way west from Moncton. Some say he goes by the name, Bernard." A nervous A.A. informs premier S. "Apparently he’s reconsidering his political options."
"No, it’s not possible," remarked S. But it doesn’t matter. Send out the troops"
"What troops?
"The Anglo Society, fool!"
"Sir, there’s only six of them."
"Didn’t you see the movie ‘300’? Six sturdy Anglos can hold back the EFI hordes and their misguided supporters."
"Yes sir. I’ll give the order to unleash the society. Nothing can withstand their righteousness."
In unison the cabinet and M.L.A.’s request permission to go to the bathroom.
Suddenly the A.A. rushes in. "Sir the society has failed. Thousands are marching with Bernard. They keep chanting Lord, Lord."
"No it can’t be," utters S. "He said he’d never return. Where are my M.L.A.’s?"
"They’ve joined Bernard’s forces."
"K, we’re doomed. What are we going to do?"
"Beats me. Pass the Twinkies"
Minister K leaves the bunker and ascends the elevator to face the unruly mob.
Self-sufficient in Twinkies. It's about all New Brunswick will ever be self-sufficient in, especially with this "government" at the helm. Well that, call centres, and beer. Maybe lumber.
I don't even think I know what a Twinkie is, beyond that it's some sort of junk food. Maybe this is just one more thing that the provincial Liberals deem us too stupid to know.
"The Bunker Part 1"
Premier S, his trusty cabinet and M.L.A.’s are gathered in the government bunker buried 300 hundred meters beneath the Legislature.
"Well people, I believe I made myself clear to the population when I spoke yesterday," said the Premier. A loud chorus of hear, hear, accompanied by fists banging on desk tops, respond to the premier’s statement. "Yes sir, I sure told those kid hating protesters."
A door opens to the inner sanctum, and a clearly distraught administrative assistant tries to get the premier’s attention. "Sir, sir; we have a problem," blurts the A.A.
"What problem?"
It’s those EFI terrorists. They’re massing in front of the legislature.
“Darn it. I can’t stomach those emotionally clouded complainers. Tell security to turn on the flashing sign.”
"Which flashing sign?"
"The one which reads, ‘Don’t argue with us. We know everything.’ That’ll make them go away."
Moments later the A.A. returns, "Sir it didn’t work. They’re judgement is clearly too clouded."
The premier turns to his assembled but now somewhat concerned legislators, "Don’t worry folks. I’ll send minister K. He’s a smooth talker who’ll surely dispel the ridiculous concerns of this misguided group."
n the meantime the premier begins to lecture his assembled flock. He picks up a book by J. Goebbels. "Colleagues he said, I have learned much from this book. You know, if you’re going to tell a lie, tell a big one! Support it with fallacy and divide your population. And of course find a scapegoat. Ha, ha. Turn on the closed circuit TV. Let’s see how minister K is doing."
The screen comes to life. The assembled gather around it. To their dismay, minister K’s magic isn’t working, and he is seen beating a hasty retreat to the bunker.
Moments later a visibly shaken K enters the inner sanctum.
Trying to contain his emotions he blurts, "They made fun of me. They called me pudgy, and other awful names."
"Here have a Twinkie,"offers the P.
"Yum. Thank-you. They always make me feel better. And, this is a good time to tell you about my newest plan. I have decided to convert those empty mills in Dalhousie and Miramichi into Twinkie Factories. Yes dear colleagues and honourable premier S, we’ll be self sufficient in Twinkies."
The door swings open. "Sir, we have reports of more Liberal defections. And more worrisome apparently there’s a lone rider making his way west from Moncton. Some say he goes by the name, Bernard." A nervous A.A. informs premier S. "Apparently he’s reconsidering his political options."
"No, it’s not possible," remarked S. But it doesn’t matter. Send out the troops"
"What troops?
"The Anglo Society, fool!"
"Sir, there’s only six of them."
"Didn’t you see the movie ‘300’? Six sturdy Anglos can hold back the EFI hordes and their misguided supporters."
"Yes sir. I’ll give the order to unleash the society. Nothing can withstand their righteousness."
In unison the cabinet and M.L.A.’s request permission to go to the bathroom.
Suddenly the A.A. rushes in. "Sir the society has failed. Thousands are marching with Bernard. They keep chanting Lord, Lord."
"No it can’t be," utters S. "He said he’d never return. Where are my M.L.A.’s?"
"They’ve joined Bernard’s forces."
"K, we’re doomed. What are we going to do?"
"Beats me. Pass the Twinkies"
Minister K leaves the bunker and ascends the elevator to face the unruly mob.
Self-sufficient in Twinkies. It's about all New Brunswick will ever be self-sufficient in, especially with this "government" at the helm. Well that, call centres, and beer. Maybe lumber.
I don't even think I know what a Twinkie is, beyond that it's some sort of junk food. Maybe this is just one more thing that the provincial Liberals deem us too stupid to know.